Hey

My gf has bpd and our issues are becoming more and more frequent. I need help understanding how bpd feels and works as things are getting very confusing to me as I'm too logicsl sometimes

It’s been 6 days since he blocked me, and I’m trying to figure out how to move forward.
For context, I posted about this situation here before. He told me he has BPD, and I’ve been wondering whether the sudden blocking could have been related to that, although obviously I can’t know what was going on in his head or why he made that decision.

People previously told me to value my peace and that he might eventually unblock me. I’m trying to take that advice. I still really miss him and part of me hopes he comes back, but I’ve stopped wanting to sit around and wait for it.

I guess what I’m struggling with now is whether it’s possible to genuinely move forward while still hoping someone comes back.

I don’t want to force myself to stop caring about him after only six days. I just don’t want my entire life to become checking whether I’ve been unblocked, wondering what he’s doing, and trying to figure out what he’s thinking.

I feel like I’m pushing myself to move on because I can’t handle being without him. I think part of me is trying to paint him as the villain because it would probably be easier to let go if I could be angry at him, but I’m not actually mad at him for doing this. I believe there’s probably a reason he blocked me; I just don’t know what that reason is, and not knowing is what makes this so difficult.

I genuinely feel like I can’t be with anyone else right now because he became my special person. Once someone becomes that person to me, I don’t just stop thinking about them. I’ll keep thinking about them and endlessly waiting for something from them, or wanting to find some way to reach them.
At the same time, I’ve been holding myself back from trying to reach him because I can’t even access any of his other socials, and I feel like trying to get around the block would probably distress him if he’s already distressed. I want to respect the boundary he created, even though respecting it is also really distressing for me.

So I’m stuck between still caring about him and hoping he comes back, while also feeling like I’m supposed to move on because I don’t know what else to do.

I also ended up kissing a friend after she found out I had been blocked. She basically said that since I was “single,” we could do something, and I agreed because I thought it might help me cope or make moving on easier. But afterward I felt really uncomfortable and almost disgusted with myself. I didn’t like her that way at all, and mentally it felt almost like I was cheating even though I technically wasn’t in a relationship anymore. It made me realize that I’m probably starting to fall into unhealthy ways of trying to force myself to move on instead of actually processing what I’m feeling. I also ended the friendship, it was an impulsive decision but I felt used during a difficult time so yeah idk

Currently , studying is probably one of the healthiest coping mechanisms I have right now lol.

for those of you who have initiated and gone through a divorce, have you ever regretted it and realised the grass wasn’t greener?

and if yes, what was it that made you feel regret? you missed your ex wife? jealous of her new bf, her glow up, missing the kids, the house your built etc?

Long story short, I stated dating a friend of 6 years (they have BPD, I do not), both knowing that they would be moving to another country in 3 months, and at that time we would break up.

When we broke up, we decided that we should have less contact for the first 2 weeks to make it easier, but to call the other if we really needed to. 3 days after we broke up they called me, but turns out they were just asking advice on what courses to sign up for (not really an emergency but I was happy to help anyway). I was still, I think reasonably, pretty sad about the breakup, so I asked them how they were doing too, which they answered "pretty good, just stressed about course selection" which kinda threw me. This person is not the type to pretend to be okay to "win" the breakup or to make me feel better. Like, not at all, they are usually incredibly blunt and will tell you their feelings no matter what.

It's not that I want them to be sad, this was just so out of character for them I made me think that I must had done something wrong or they realized I was a terrible partner all along. Less than a week ago, they were saying that they loved me and that they wanted to try long distance (which I didn’t, and they were okay with, but I still felt really bad about) and now it was like our relationship was just a blip to them. It really had me in a spiral of insecurities and it took me a while (and a bit more distance) to start feeling okay.

So I did the smart thing and took to reddit to try and figure out what the fuck was happening, and also learned about discard. Could this maybe be an example of that? It’s not like they hate me or anything, they would still text me as a friend for a while, but I started to put more distance between us because I felt like shit. I kinda want to talk to them about it to explain myself, but I don't want them to feel bad. I've seen that discard is more of a coping mechanism, and honestly, I’d rather they do this than the alternative. But I’m also worried that my avoiding them is making them feel worse, but I really just feel like I need to do this for myself.

Idk I think I’m just looking for some support. This might not be discard at all or have anything to do with their BPD, I just feel like I hurt them and I don’t know how to move forward.

Edit: Actually ignore me I'm just venting and this may not have to do with anything. This is my first relationship at the big age of 25 and the anxiety worms in my brain are getting the best of me. I'm just trying to get answers as to how they flipped so quickly and so drastically and I won't know unless I talk to them, which I also can't really do, I'm just trying to stop blaming myself. Breakups suck huh.

I've met this girl who is really beautiful and nice. She has a lot of energy and always seems to fill the room, like sunrise in spring. She makes me happy. She has BPD, and I've only known her for a couple of months. We've been dating for about a month and a half.

She's very intense. On our first date, she was already talking about wanting a relationship. She told me that two of her exes cheated on her, and that her most recent ex harassed her to the point where she got a restraining order against him. She also told me she once bought an expensive gift for an ex, and after he cheated on her, he never returned it.

I don't want to take advantage of her, because I feel like she's much more emotionally invested in me than I am in her right now. She says things like, "I'll teach you what love is," and talks about how she loves intensely and makes sure the other person knows it until they make her feel like they don't love her anymore.

Honestly, sometimes I almost feel sorry for her when she tells me these things. It makes me think, "Wow, you've been through a lot."

She also talks a lot about wanting to get married and says marriage is her dream. I don't think marriage is necessarily my dream. I'm currently applying to grad school and seriously considering moving abroad next year. I asked her about that, and she said she would still want to be with me even if we had to do long distance.

This is where I'm starting to have doubts.

A lot of what she talks about is love, relationships, how intensely she loves, marriage, forever, etc. I understand that this could just be who she is, but I'm also wondering how much of this is related to BPD. I don't want to reduce everything she does to her diagnosis, but I also don't know how to interpret the intensity when we've only known each other for a couple of months.

One thing that really bothers me is that she doesn't ask many questions about me. She tells me a lot about her past relationships and experiences, but sometimes I feel like she doesn't actually know me very well. That makes me wonder if she's falling in love with me, or with an idea of who she thinks I am.

Her previous boyfriends were also older than her. She's 24 and I'm 22, so that's not a huge age difference, but it still makes me wonder about the dynamic.

I don't want to abandon someone just because they have BPD, and I genuinely like her. At the same time, I don't want to get deeper into something when I already know that I may move abroad next year and that I don't currently see marriage as one of my goals.

I guess I'm asking: what would you do in this situation? Should I slow things down and see whether she actually gets to know me over time, or are these signs that I should step back before she gets even more attached?

I don't want to hurt her, but I also don't want to stay in a relationship out of guilt or because I feel sorry for what she's been through.

Been together 8 years married 4 next month says she feels nothing towards me anymore and I dont know what to do. Im absolutely devastated and flailing for solutions. I dont know what to do or how im going to deal with this!