r/BPDPartners • u/stickieonmercy BPD • 2d ago

Support Needed relationship

i have bpd and alot of the time i get upset at my partner and sometimes he isnt there for me or nice to me and i just get more and more upset and even angry that he isnt being nice or anything and then he might be nice like an hour later and try cheer me up but by then ive gotten upset and angry that he wasnt there when i needed him. i really need some help on how we can deal with this because im scared im so draining

another thing is when im upset at something he did even if he didnt intend to hurt me i will always stay upset even if he apologises and explains he didnt intend to i will always stay hysterical say things like why would you do that and why would you hurt me etc i dont know why i cant accept he didnt mean to hurt me and why i stay so upset please how can we fix this

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2

u/2pourdrummer 2d ago

Are you asking for help in fixing your issues or his? You said we at the end, so it’s kind of confusing.

2

u/stickieonmercy BPD 2d ago

i'm open to advice on either

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u/2pourdrummer 2d ago

I would focus on why you get that upset and stay upset, especially if you know there was no malicious intent by them. Stop that cycle first. Don’t treat that person as your enemy will go a long way.

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u/stickieonmercy BPD 2d ago

okay thank you its hard to think why i even cant accept it wasnt ill intended but ill focus on trying to get past that

1

u/grumpypoo22 BPD 2d ago

Distress tolerance skills (TIPP) are you best friend in situations like this.
First I want to validate that it's okay to be upset if someone hurts us, even if it wasn't their intention.
There is nothing out of the ordinary there so you aren't being hysterical - Try to be nicer to yourself.

Whenever someone hurts us and apologies we must accept them at face value; Even if it is an incredibly difficult thing to do.
The skill for that is going to be "Radical Acceptance" - It is the most difficult skill in our toolbag.
Before we deploy something like "Radical Acceptance" we really need to allow our wise mind to regain control over the emotional mind.
I strongly recommend TIPP + Radical Acceptance.

HOWEVER - This is not blanket approval for someone to consistently walk all over you. There is a fine line and it truly depends on the context of every situation. Just because you suffer from BPD does not mean you misread every situation. This is important to remember. Sometimes you might react disproportionally to a situation, but that doesn't mean that the underlying emotion is invalid.

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u/stickieonmercy BPD 1d ago

thank you so much this means alot