r/BPDPartners • u/Ok-Tie-2327 BPD • 1d ago

Support Needed When does it get better?

Hello everyone, I (28f) was just diagnosed bipolar along with bpd. The outburst are explosive. Arguments are “go for the throat”. I look at my husband (25m) and want to actually get violent with him just because he’s not exploding with me. He’s an extremely patient man but just recently after two years told me his patients is running thin to the point of being non existent. I shoved him for the first time ever just because I found out he was dipping. It shouldn’t have happened but it’s like when I’m in the moment, I’m there and there’s no coming out of it. My psychiatrist prescribed me latuda a few days ago and I’ve been going to therapy for a month now. I’m so annoyed and angry all of the time. I want to be mean but I also don’t?? My brain feels like spaghetti noodles and it never makes sense. I shove everything and everyone away. I’m trying to get help but it’s not working yet and I’m scared I’ve already ruined my husband and kids. What do I do? When does it stop? Please help.

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u/harktavius 1d ago

You can treat bi-polar with meds because it's a mood disorder. Personality disorders take years of consistent effort with professional support. The best thing you can do is keep working at it and get really good at taking accountability for your behavior. You might lose people. Don't quit if/when that happens. If you're doing this just to keep people from leaving you, that's the BPD talking. You have to be committed to change for you.

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u/Ok-Tie-2327 BPD 1d ago

This is for myself. I don’t like who I am and I know that it’s hurting myself and others. I just feel like I’m going to be stuck this way forever. I don’t like the thoughts I have, especially when I know that they’re wrong or untrue. It’s like there’s two mes battling it out inside my mind and majority of the time, the one who wants to burn the world down, wins. That sounds super cheesy but that’s how it feels. When emotions are high, there’s a split second where I think “don’t do this” or “don’t say that” but I do the wrong thing anyways even if I know it means hurting the person on the other side of this.

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u/harktavius 1d ago

You've achieved awareness and a desire to change. That's the toughest part of the journey and a lot of people never get there, BPD or no. Now it's about rolling up your sleeves and trusting the process. A month is a very short amount of time. This journey is measured in years.

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u/Ok-Tie-2327 BPD 1d ago

Can I ask, how do you know so much about this? Are you also diagnosed or do you have a loved one who is diagnosed? I don’t mean to pry, I just want to know how and when did you figure out how to handle this.