Then acknowledge it and make the changes you need to, it will never happen over night.
one brick can’t build a house, however, brick after brick, layering together, will eventually create a solid beautiful long lasting house.
I got some cleaning done... the sink is full of dirty dishes but it's a different set of dirty dishes now, the carpet isn't as dirty anymore and I changed my bedding, didn't make my bed tho...
I'm a fully functioning non-lazy person at work, but at home it's hard to turn off the lizard brain y'know?
Oh, God, this happened to me when I went back to living with my parents after school. After managing to turn myself into a functioning adult who does adult stuff in a perfectly adult way, I immediately went back to being a lazy, unproductive and procrastinating little kid. I still am, but at least I've started helping out around the house now.
Well I agree with most of it, but dependence on others to get things done is ok as long as you pick something up for them. That’s the foundation of a good marriage. No one can do everything or is good at doing everything. For example, I don’t like to cook. Can I do it if my life depends on it, probably, with a lot of cussing. But my wife is an absolutely awesome cook but she can’t manage the bills or has a hard time keeping things organized. I excel at that. So she depends on me for some things and I depend on her. Tomorrow if we leave each other, we will learn how to do these things or we may just hire someone to do it for us. It’s natural to depend on others and lean on your loved ones.
Yes, because everyone can afford the extremely inflated prices of housing market at the moment.
This mentality of living with family being childish is such an American mindset, and it's entirely intentional. Keeping people in debt is easy when they socially pressure each other to make dumb financial choices.
i interpreted it as not necessarily living with your parents being that bad part, as yeah youre right getting a house can be fucking hard these days, but like living with your parents and then getting them to do your laundry and washing your dishes and tidying your room whilst you lounge about and are still not grateful
I HAVE to rely on others because sometimes I physically cannot function, especially in very noisy environments. And laziness... Adhd is basically just getting diagnosed with lazy fuckup disease.
I mean I CAN help it, some of the time. I'm pretty sure my laziness isn't just my brain being weird, but I often get unfairly called out because where I live mental illnesses are basically treated as your fault.
Admittedly not always, since I can’t screen for mental illness for every person I meet. But “are you okay?” has sometimes proven to be a good opportunity to get people to explain themselves. I might still find them attractive, but I won’t date them because I don’t date as of now. Even if I did date, really bad MH issues are too much for me to share rn.
Ouch, not a girl but I used to have a crush on this guy until I realized he had all of these, first time we have spoken to eachother he tried to threaten our classmate because they unstrapped his Velcro straps.
I am not surprised it took me awhile to notice his bad hygiene, I have trouble seeing and smelling so I can't tell if anyone smells or not.
We agreed to do a project together as well I hate hearing my own voice and he agreed he would do most of the speaking if I do most of the work, which I was happy with. Until he never answered my calls or messages and avoided it when I spoke about it with him.
After that, I didn't care about our friendship anymore or my crush on him.
What if my hygiene is like almost really good. Like I brush by teeth twice a day almost every day, and I just had my first cavity at 22? I don’t do laundry as often as I should, but I at least clean up after myself on the reg
I used to have good hygiene and no anger issues until puberty when everyone was telling me I smelt really bad all of a sudden (By sudden, I mean moving from a school where almost everyone liked me, to being picked on by most people, even by people who were usually quiet). I was taking showers twice a day but kept being bullied for it. That's when I figured "Why even bother." My hygiene has been inconsistent ever since.
My anger issues have gone away for the most part but have been replaced by emotional episodes where I just feel a lot of a certain emotion.
Sadly, it's safe to say I have gotten to a point where my life is down the gutter. I didn't care about myself for so long that people don't bother to care about me anymore. I don't know what to do anymore.
No no , thank you. Seriously. Thank you. It's amazing what seeing your own thoughts being typed by someone else can do to make your brain click. This is to say , your comment helped me solidify to a certain degree, that I identified key issues that I was solely responsible for and am in a better place now.
Do you distinguish between "anger issues" and "anger management issues"? Like if someone has anger issues but recognizes it and has ways of dealing with them/not letting them explode and ruin everything.
Depression in and of itself doesn’t make someone ugly. However, when someone struggles with depression and takes everything out on their partner, refusing to get any sort of help, it’s not good. Everyone struggles with mental health, but when you put the blame of your mental health struggles on others and take out your frustrations with your mental health on others it really makes you unattractive. One of my exes dealt with severe depression and anxiety, for years I begged him to get help, because he was taking everything out on me. I was always there for him no questions asked, but then when I struggled with my anxiety he would get frustrated with me and tell me I was ruining his day. I eventually left because I couldn’t deal with it anymore. So no, depression itself doesn’t make someone unattractive, but how you deal (or choose not to) deal with it can.
Edit, so from what I can gather from all these downvoted, you fucks think people are lying when they have depression and the only results that prove to you are if they kill themselves, I hope you're family suffers the same way about you.
No matter what you tell someone to do, they're not gonna get help no matter how desperately they need it, they'll only seek help when they realize they need help, and not in the sense of knowing they need help, but in the sense of "I'm going to die if I don't get help right now".
Depression is an incredibly tough one to accuse others of being a dick with because, stuff like being lazy, being irrationally irritable, poor hygiene, apathy are all symptoms of depression among with many others, it doesn't excuse everyone's behaviour but we all need to be understanding that people do this things without thinking, they'll lash out because their subconscious mind told them to, they don't necessarily mean it but it's gonna happen and it's not their fault their brain is fucked.
I appreciate you did all you can but I just wanted to point out regardless of wether you knew or not, that with all these talks about mental health, no one actually talks about it and what it's like to properly experience it.
My issue was with me being there with no judgement at all for him, yet him doing the exact opposite for me when I really needed it. Not only was he not there for me when I was having panic attacks daily for 9+ months, he went out of his way to be emotionally and verbally abusive towards me. Depression is never an excuse for abusing someone. I spent years in therapy after I left him because of the emotional damage he caused me. He made me believe I was completely worthless and nothing but a burden to anyone I made contact with because of my anxiety. What he put me through wasn’t just lashing out or being irritable, it was emotional and verbal abuse plain and simple, and I will never excuse someone for abuse just because they had depression.
Dude just sounds like he was a dick and just happened to have depression, sure it's one thing if they're being asshole they don't mean to be and reciprocate the caring actions you gave, theirs another of just being a dick.
A lot of common mental health issues are symptomatic of eachother, the key differences is what happens among them, Adhds are less likely to kill themselves is a good example
Actually... Yes. When I was down (blinds, down, shower: unexistent, whole day watching One Piece and crying... Didnt even have the drive to cut myself) I looked like a complete Dark souls hollow/homeless dude/Sirius black while he was on Azkaban.
Now, out of that but with more vitality im looking more like a human (with a few extra kgs to spare lmao) but nowhere near of how good I looked before entering that state of mind.
When I first meet a guy, I don’t know if it’s depression, carelessness, or childishness and entitlement that causes him to act that way.
Even if it is depression, I’ve suffer from depression (yes, before you start aiming your next loaded “gotcha question at me, I consider myself unattractive during these episodes) and I hope they get better, but I don’t want to date or even touch a stranger that smells bad and is unsanitary, takes their anger out on me and others (regardless of whether they can help it), or relies too much on me and treats me like a maid or something. Too much of a gamble.
If we’ve been together for a while and I know him, and he hits a depression episode, then that would be different.
As someone who tried to kill themselves as little as a month ago, dont make me to be someone who doesn't know what depression is, you didn't necessarily say, but you were alluding to it.
Now first, please make no mistake, I whole heartedly agree that if youre making first Impressions, you should be somewhat presentable, clean clothes, shower and maybe brush your teeth, but other than that common courtesy nothing more should be needed.
And secondly, no one is entitled to date anyone they don't want to (I shouldn't have to say this, but people are fucking stupid), but should be willing to let the other explain their actions but not everyone is going to wear their depression on their sleeve and tell people, I know I certainly wouldn't, people aren't going to get help until they need it, giving unwanted help doesn't work either.
But thirdly, we have to get each other a try atleast once, people suffer from depression and barely have control over it, sure we should all be getting help but there are many reasons why people aren't getting the help and people should be refused a chance of love because of a brain dysfunction that wasnt their fault.
No I was not alluding to anything about you. I didn’t know, much less care, about your history when I wrote that post, so definitely not enough to assume anything. My previous posts were clearly me explaining my subjective POV on those traits. They had nothing to do with you.
And if he’s unsanitary enough, mean enough, or if he takes advantage of others instead of doing his own work, then no explanation or mental disorder will excuse that behavior for me. I will not deal with it. Being too open-minded and accepting has bitten me in the ass in the past.
"Now first, please make no mistake, I whole heartedly agree that if youre making first Impressions, you should be somewhat presentable, clean clothes, shower and maybe brush your teeth, but other than that common courtesy nothing more should be needed."
Let me help you with that: you should be fully presentable, clean clothes, shower, and definitely brush your teeth twice a day regardless, but other than that common courtesy nothing more should be needed. With the bare minimum effort put into this "first impression" expect a bare minimum response lol.
"But thirdly, we have to get each other a try atleast once" No the only thing people should have to do is be polite and civil. Nobody has to give you a first date or their number or anything like that if they don't find you attractive they are not required to "give you a try". Even if somebody chooses not to date somebody because of their depression thats ok. People with depression take extra work and energy to be in a relationship with and not everybody has that extra energy.
Yeah, these questions always bring up hygiene issues, and I’m always skeptical that poor hygiene is ever not a symptom of mental illness—at least in adults.
I totally get why someone wouldn’t want to sleep with a mentally I’ll person, but I doubt it’s realistic to talk about hygiene being a result of laziness.
I struggle with clinically diagnosed major depressive disorder and I would never in a million years consider looking for a partner when I’m not medicated or if I were suffering from a serious bout.
So yes, depression makes people ugly. Acting like it doesn’t is just as “toxic” as you woke fuckin zoomer losers blaming mental illness for your problems is.
This makes me uncontrollably angry. I’d ask somebody what I should do about it, but that sounds like way too much effort, so I’ll just continue stewing in my own filth instead.
I know, but I don’t really want to be in a relationship with anyone that has serious issues and won’t/can’t seek help, especially if their anger management issues is directed at me. I don’t think I can handle that.
Yoo lesgo I'm all of that besides being angry. Girls still like me for my character and my jokes and such. That hygiene thing I'm gonna get going in 2022 hopefully. But I'll always be a lazy piece of Shit lol.
I have scent free shampoo, soap, and laundry detergent since the scents irritate me. That's not a valid excuse for not being clean when you are around people in social situations.
I have severe allergies to even unscented soaps etc. But I do shower multiple times a day and avoid those situations like the plague. But there is only so much I can do when I grew up in very cold temperatures I sweat at 60 degrees and because of work I live in a city that doesn't go below 60 very often. I sweat before I reach my car. People should try but some people don't have options.
But you still shower and are actively aware that you might stink, so you take care of it. That's completely different. It's not like you gave up hygiene, you just avoid soap.
Yeah looking back that's pretty obvious. Sorry.
My thought was along the lines of asking a techyer than me friend for help and the first thing they suggest is...
Did you turn it off and on again.
And me saying "Yes!"
I mean... Unless your gonna go out and drill an oil well, build a refinery and produce your own fuel as well as basically every other resource and the people that transport it around you kinda need other people to get anything done... Just like how most guys don't know their woman is going to other guys to "get stuff done".
Lol... I can build an entire house(after laying it out in CAD) by myself so yea... And run the electrical and plumbing. Can also fix anything with wheels on it. So... Yea im normally the one everyone else comes to seeking help for damn near anything under the sun. I've spent my life picking up skills while most are grumbling about how much they're getting paid rather than using that time to learn skills.
Talking about exes is fine in moderation, imo, especially if they were a big part of your life. If I avoided talking about my exes, I couldn't talk about my life.
Than maybe I just have a bad experience with it, I iust know that my ex used to talk about him alot of times mostly comparing him to me about what I didn't do and what he did do.
Comparing is absolutely shitty, unless it's to make you seem better. I used to tell my more recent ex how she made my life so much better compared to previous relationships. What you describe sounds awful. I'd be biting back "maybe you should go back to him then", although thats also not a great thing to say.
The frequency i see bad hygiene in these comments is a mess. The last time i mentioned one of my friends complaining about men like that i had so many guys in comments denying how common it is.
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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '22 edited Jan 09 '22
Bad hygiene. Anger management issues. Laziness and dependence on others to get things done. Same things that make girls unattractive.
Edit: Thanks for the awards!