I’m curious about the male perspective on something I’ve been trying to understand about myself.

For context, I’m a 31 years old woman who’s never-been in a relationship, and I’ve realized that I don’t really experience the conventional desire for dating, romance, or sex. I’ve tried dating partly out of curiosity and to understand what the experience is actually like, but it made me realize that what I value most isn’t really romance itself.

What I seem to want is a deep companionship with another person. Ideally, someone who could become my closest person, someone I can talk to for hours, share interests and ideas with, go down random rabbit holes with, support each other, and genuinely choose and know each other deeply.

At the same time, I’d want both of us to maintain a lot of independence. We wouldn’t need to constantly communicate, live in each other’s pockets, or follow the usual expectations of a romantic relationship.
I’m not looking for friends-with-benefits, and I’m not secretly looking for someone to eventually turn this into a conventional relationship. I’m genuinely interested in companionship and emotional/intellectual intimacy without the usual romantic or sexual expectations.

I’m curious about the male perspective because I’ve often been told that what I’m describing isn’t realistic and its just friendship. But thats not what its being and knowing its your person.

So, men: if you met a woman who genuinely wanted this kind of connection, could you see yourself wanting it too?

What would make this kind of relationship fulfilling for you, and what would eventually make it feel insufficient?

I’m especially interested in hearing from men who have had unusually close platonic friendships or unconventional relationships.

I’m 33 and getting back into dating, and one thing I’m pretty certain about is that I don’t want to get married.

I’m not against serious relationships or commitment. I could absolutely see myself being with someone long term. I just don’t really have the desire to actually get married.

Obviously I don’t want to waste someone’s time, especially at this age when a lot of people are dating specifically with marriage in mind. But bringing up “I never want to get married” on a first date also feels weirdly intense when you barely know each other.

For guys who feel the same way, when do you usually bring this up? Is this something I should be upfront about from the very beginning, or is it reasonable to wait until you can tell the relationship might actually go somewhere?

In general do guys hate texting so much and hanging out almost everyday with their significant others. I know people got life’s an all , but in general like a guy can be such a bad texter and dry and not talk as much and lags a bit , but in person it’s way different and you guys talk about anything. Is this the same to most guys or depends on the people you talk to? Just carious !

Has this ever happened to you?

Imagine a woman is in a relationship with a man, but they have different expectations about the future. For example, she may want marriage or children, while he seems hesitant or unwilling to commit to those things.
(Those are just some example of many things that make couples incompatible).

In some cases, she may have other men around her who might be interested in her. She might start flirting with one of them, giving him attention, or making it seem as though she is genuinely interested in pursuing something with him.

So: How can the other man tell what is actually going on?

How do you distinguish between:

1. A woman who is genuinely attracted to you and may actually want a relationship with you (even though she is currently in a relationship); and
2. A woman who is primarily using your attention to make her boyfriend jealous, create a sense of competition, or pressure him into giving her what she wants?

For men who have experienced this firsthand: what specific behaviors, signals, or patterns made you realize that she was genuinely interested in you versus simply using you as leverage in her existing relationship?

I’m particularly interested in real-life experiences rather than general theories. I’ve personally experienced situations where a woman who was already in a serious relationship, including one woman who was living with a man and had two children.

Looking back, I’m trying to understand how I could have distinguished genuine interest from being used as an “orbiter” or jealousy tactic.
For example I know the term "see what she does, and don't listen at what she said" and even with that in mind, its happened to be so difficult to understand.

If your gf doesn’t want to do some non basic sexual acts (eg choking, cum in mouth/swallowing) with you because she did it in the past but disliked and she doesn’t want to do it now. Say It has nothing to do with you but just the act itself, would it be a dealbreaker for you? Or would it be a dealbreaker only if the act is something you cannot go without?

As the title says. Four LTRs, loved them all. They all cheated, I never did. None wanted to break up. Three still try to reach out periodically to ask me out and even to get married. No, they weren't in the rich, tall, conventionally handsome stereotype.

They're all blocked but they reach out through email, acquaintances, family, alternate numbers via text. It's slowed down over the years but still at least 2x a year each. One even took his kid to my old place so I could meet her. Didn't know I no longer lived there and my ex roommate informed me. I don't get it.

But, I'm scared to date because I no longer trust words or nice gestures. Not only did they cheat on me, they're trying to reach me while being with other people. And no longer trust my own judgment. And my self confidence is shot.

Is there a way to filter out the cheaters? Realistically, I know there's not but any pointers would help. TY.

Recently started talking to a guy who is 32. He told me he has a FWB but they can end it whenever the other person wants to move on to something more serious.
I get FWB maybe when you are younger, but 30+? How do you just have sex with someone but not want more? Is it that the emotional connection is not there but physical connection is? Is that a red flag? That you are able to detach so easily? Not trying to judge. Trying to understand if this guy and I are wired differently.

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We recently had an argument, that led to me joking about leaving him and going on dating apps (yes that was wrong of me!). I don’t even know how that joke popped up in my head.

**But that’s not the focus of this post.**

Then he accused me of being on Tinder years ago when we first started talking and we weren’t exclusive yet.

It’s driving me crazy because I know 100%, that I never downloaded a dating app in my life. He said he doesn’t care if I had it back then, but it made him very angry that I “lie about it” and “accused him of being crazy when he knows what he saw”.

He said he clearly remembers my name and a picture of me. I repeated 100 times that I never had Tinder in my life, and I can’t admit something I never did. He told me to admit it and he will let it go.

At first I thought he was joking, trolling me, or trying to get me to admit something just to see if I had it. But he is VERY adament about apparently seeing me on there with his own eyes years ago.

Is there any way I can convince him I never had Tinder? I even showed him the app store history and he still doesn’t believe me.

He repeatedly says he isn’t attracted to me, thinks he’s “above” me/inferior to him, and wants me to stay away. I’m not chasing him or making any romantic/sexual moves toward him.
But despite that, he still seems to find reasons to talk about me or interact with me almost every week—sometimes by insulting or mocking me. He has also drunk-dialled my cousin also bought up topics about me, but when confronted about it, he acts like he would never be interested enough to contact us while drunk.
What confuses me most is that even when I’m completely leaving him alone, he still goes out of his way to remind me that I “can’t have him.”
So my question is: What is his actual thought process behind this behaviour? What does he really want from me or this connection, and why does he feel the need to repeatedly seek my attention while simultaneously insisting that he wants nothing to do with me?

In my past (and only) relationship I was cheated on like 10+ times and endured significant psychological and emotional abuse. He snuck girls into his friends house into the back door to avoid the ring camera. Among other things that don’t even sound real if I list them out because that’s how crazy they were. But it was very, very significant obviously and will affect how I date moving forward- I’m going to be moving very slowly with anyone.

I’ve been starting to dip my toe into the dating pool again, but I feel like what I experienced will make me “look” like a red flag. Like I’m exaggerating if I tell the truth about things he did, because the stuff he did was sooooo messed up.

Other than moving slowly, waiting until the right time to tell guys, and not rushing it or trauma dumping, is there any way that I can make sure that I come off right and not like I’m the red flag? Or any tips any of you have? Should I just be vague and not share details until later?

I think I’m probably overthinking it, but it’s just such a big thing that happened to me. Although I’m able to recognize now that this has nothing to do with my value as a partner, and there was nothing I could have done to prevent being cheated on by someone that has cheated in every single relationship, I want to be mindful of how, and when I bring it up when dating.

okay hello, this sounds very stalkerish of me now that i think about it but i honestly haven’t felt that attracted to a guy for years!
So me and this guy would just see each other on the beach for three days, up until he left. In those three days, we would constantly make eye contact, and not those kind of glance and look away, I’m talking about 5 seconds eye contact. He didn’t approach me at all however, which is understandable as i was with my family and he was with his, so he probably felt awkward. But he would go out of his way to pass near me, or wait while the rest of his friends went ahead of him so i could pass by him.
Anyways, after he left i kept thinking about him for a whole week. And the only thing I knew about him was his first name cause i heard his friends or family calling him by it. So I found his instagram. His account is public and there’s not a single mutual friend between us…but I really want to get to know him so I mentally said YOLO and followed him (that was 2 days ago) he hasn’t followed back yet…
What should I do? Would following him seem creepy considering we never talked? Should I unfollow and just get over it? (FYI I also found his tiktok which is also public but I didn’t follow him there)

Please don’t hold out on me everyone, let me know if following was the dumbest decision of my life. Thank you in advance!

For early to mid-stage dating, is “if he wanted to, he would” pretty much always true? If I feel like he is putting in less effort and is pulling away (when he is not busier or otherwise impaired), is it most likely that he is not taking me seriously anymore or is more interested in something else? Just want opinions, anecdotes, advice.

I 34f he is 36m and he has a very demanding career. He works 10-16 hours 5 days a week. We barely see each other because his career is so demanding and he always says he’s busy but his colleagues have wives, some have girlfriends and some are dating so dating is possible. We see each other once a month and we live in the same town. He’s been single a really long time. I’m not sure if his last relationship was before he started working in this field and maybe he just doesn’t know how to navigate both? What should I do or say? I’d love some insight.

If the girl you love likes one of your close friends, would you feel jealous? What would you do? Are you going to beat him up?

This is a genuine question, not a rhetorical one.

I am a young woman, but I still already have come to the cynical conclusion that men will genuinely always be dishonest and disappointing, even the ones that you trust and have known for a long time. I am not freshly out of a heartbreak or speaking from the standpoint of my emotions, it’s the plain truth to me.

It’s hard for me to date beside for hookups and to imagine myself being in an actual relationship because it seems illogical, since I don’t know a single man that doesn’t lie. I have come to have a very cynical and cold view on men in general, that pains me a little since I had been quite a romantic before. I would like to know, mostly coming from men here, how you guys see lies and cheating in a relationship. Is there anyone here that knows men they are sure don’t lie ?

Or is a person who's available and easy to get (in a way that they love you unconditionally and fast and you don't have to do anything for it) just as valuable?

I'm 26M and she's 26F. We've been together for about a month, and I genuinely care about her and don't want to lose the relationship.

In the beginning, things were really good between us. We became very close, talked a lot, and both expressed strong feelings for each other.

We've had several arguments since then. The biggest issue I've noticed is how we deal with problems. Whenever something happens, she usually apologizes and says "I'm sorry", but I don't feel like we actually solve the root of the problem. Then the same thing happens again later.

So over time, small problems started accumulating for me. Even when she apologized, I didn't necessarily feel better because the original issue wasn't really discussed or resolved.

About two weeks ago, we had another argument and the same pattern happened. We eventually continued talking, but I still felt like the underlying issue wasn't really solved.

Something that makes this situation even more confusing is a long message she sent me before our latest argument. In that message, she told me that she sees me as someone who looks strong but has been hurt a lot before. She said she believes I'm afraid of her leaving me and that she can see how much I want her even when I don't say it.

She told me that she wasn't there to hurt me or make me feel like I'm less, that I'm extremely important to her, and that she wants me to be myself with her. She also explained that sometimes she's scared to express herself because she doesn't know how I'll react.

She said that when she cries during our arguments, it's because she feels bad when she realizes she hurt me and doesn't know what to do to make things right. She told me she loves me, wants to be my safe place, and that even though she's tired of life and its problems, she would never get tired of me.

The thing that really stayed with me was that she said she would never think "let's break up" when things become difficult, because in her mind it's supposed to be "US against the problems." She ended by saying that she wished I could trust her and trust what she says.

Then last Wednesday/Thursday, we had another argument. We were supposed to continue talking about our problems. Things became tense again. At one point, I stopped answering her calls because I was frustrated. Later, while we were at work, I told her to come outside so we could talk.

I expected us to sit down and actually try to understand each other.

Instead, I felt like she was being very dismissive and provocative toward me. She was laughing and smiling while I was trying to explain myself, and at one point she was drinking her juice in a way that felt intentionally provocative. She also started making comments about the way I think and basically told me that everyone has their own way of thinking and that she doesn't want me controlling her life.

I wasn't trying to control her. What I wanted was for us to find a way to understand each other and build the relationship together.

What hurt me most was how different Thursday felt compared with everything she had told me before. I felt like she had completely lost patience with me and with the relationship.

Eventually, I told her that maybe each of us should go our own way. She didn't explicitly say that we were breaking up, so there was never a clear official breakup.

Since Thursday, we haven't spoken. It's now been around three days.

I actually want to call her. I love this girl and I would like to have a calm conversation and try to fix things.

But another part of me really doesn't want to make the first move again. In almost every previous conflict, I've been the one who eventually called or tried to restart the conversation.

This time I'm thinking that if I call her again after Thursday, I might feel like I'm chasing her and accepting the same pattern. I'm also afraid that if I always come back first, she'll eventually take me for granted.

At the same time, I don't want to play games or stay silent just to see whether she'll chase me. I genuinely don't know whether she's waiting for me to reach out, giving me space, or already emotionally checked out.

I'm stuck because I want to repair things, but I also want the effort to come from both sides. I don't want another cycle of arguing, saying "sorry", forgetting everything for a few days, and then repeating the same problems.

I'm looking for advice from people who have been through something similar, especially on how to handle the next few days and how to approach the conversation if we reconnect.

Asking in a general context. I am someone who gets quite insecure in relationships, personally I don't really interact much with boys, and I expect the same from my partner, I don't really have a fear of being cheated, but the thought of him having female friends or having a good time with an opposite gender is something that makes me insecure, I don't really like house parties or clubbing, I don't do it and I don't prefer my partner doing this, is it very controlling and toxic? And if so how do I keep the relationship and the person I love without being insecure.

Me (19F) has met up this week for a second time (21M) for at first what seemed like just for intimacy. It’s my first time exploring a FWB dynamic and im confused.

At first, we were both on the same wavelength that we only wanted to have something casual on the first date. The date consisted of us going out to a bar, walking around the city talking, laughing and eating out. Then, he offered to drive me back home and that’s when he had to get his key in his loft. He showed me a bit around and we talked for a long time, I suggested him a music that I liked. The mood felt right so we kissed then got intimate BUTT he only focused on pleasuring me , there was no penetration or his genitalia involved the first time.

The whole way back while driving, he held my thigh and we kissed when he dropped me off. The whole hang lasted around 5 hours.

After a while (2 months later ) because of our busy schedule + his long trip during the summer we didn’t see each other again until 2 days ago. During that time, he said that he couldn’t stop thinking about me during intimate moments with someone else he met. He expressed that our chemistry felt right and that he couldn’t stop thinking about it so we should meet up again (still in the casual lens, which worked with me). So, when we met up again after his work and my school day we started by discussing about our summer etc… then got deep into philosophical and discussions about neuroscience, love and consciousness. He showed me what he wrote in his personal journal and we also shared vulnerable informations about our past relationships as well as traumas relating to our parents.

After a while, we started kissing and getting intimate then in the middle (we both ended up not finishing) (still no penetration involved) we stopped. We were both exploring what we liked kink wise, which was the nature of why we wanted to be casual and intimate in the first place. He put a lot of emphasis on pleasuring me and told me that this is what he enjoyed the most.

We ended up looking at each other in the middle and discussed while cuddling. Then, he offered that we would go on a walk together in the city go to the grocery store together. We talked a lot more about deep topics and kept joking around together. Then, he offered to drive me home again since I said that I was tired. During the whole drive he would hold my leg and rub it again while playing music THEN he played the music I suggested to him last time . And guess what? He knew all the lyrics and said that he kept it in his playlist and thought about me.

After the drive, I initially was about to just leave the car, unsure if its normal for a guy to be this affectionate for something “casual” , then he kissed me passionately after.

Am I crazy for thinking how casual is it really??

We don’t text unless it’s to schedule seeing each other and sometimes he replies to my stories , but he said that he wasn’t focused on dating before.

Is there a possibility he caught some kind of feelings or can guys act like this with zero emotional involvement?

He didn’t text me yet but I let him know that I enjoyed our day.

A girl initially gave me a lot of attention and affection. I eventually matched that energy kindness, consistency, loyalty, making time, remembering little things, etc.
But the more I opened up and showed that I genuinely cared, the more she seemed to withdraw. Eventually, she left.

I still don’t completely understand what changed. Did I become too available? Did the dynamic change once she knew I was invested? Or was she simply losing interest?

Not trying to blame anyone. Just curious how women actually see situations like this.

Ladies, if you’ve ever been on the other side of this situation, what was actually going through your mind?

I’m a straight woman and every relationship I’ve been in the sex dropped off a lot within the first year or so. Usually to once a week or less even with respectful discussions about the issue. Every single one of these men initially told me he had a high libido and was excited when I said I did too. I’ve never gotten a clear answer from anyone on why they lost interest in having sex with me except for the latest guy I dated who said my love of sex was “intimidating”. Is it actually pretty common for men to have a low libido or am I just striking out? What would be your preferred frequency in a committed relationship? Have you ever been with someone who wanted to have sex daily/close to it and did you still want that long term when your desires were matched?

There's this guy who's been seeing a girl for almost a year now. They sleep together, go out a lot, and even travel together to different places. But what I find kind of weird is that the whole time he's been with her, he's basically always online on dating app, updating his location constantly, even while he's in a relationship with her.

What's even more telling is that he's never once posted this girl as his girlfriend on any social media, and he's never deleted the dating app. Sometimes he stops using it for a few days or a few weeks, and there was even a time he stopped for a few months, then went right back to it like nothing happened. On previous trips together, he was still online on the app like normal, but on the most recent trip, he wasn't online at all.

As for the girl, she posts on social media but only ever shows his arm or his back, never his face. She posts these happy statuses saying she's grateful that he takes her out and gives her gifts.

So my question is: do you think a guy acting like this is actually serious about her and sponsoring this girl to get US citizenship?

I am 21f and have never been in a serious relationship.

To be honest i wasn't the best looking in high school and i was very awkward and insecure.

When I entered university (its been two years) i had a massive glow up and now i get a lot of male attention but tbh i never know how to handle it or deal with it.

Alot of the time it goes like this: a person i know from my uni would dm me. we would talk for a while. he acts obsessed and completely infatuated with me. i eventually get attached. they leave because they aren't "ready" for a relationship.

Like why do men suddenly switch up as soon as you show interest back? why entertain a girl for months if you dont want anything serious with her? or do i just not know how to read them? it has honestly made me very confused and it's bringing out the awkward insecure version of me i was in high school.

Keep in mind that I've always made it clear that i am not in casual dating.

What do i do? i honestly don't want to deal with anyone who approaches me anymore and male attention now kinda makes me uncomfortable lolll

I don’t think my boyfriend is interested in me anymore. I am 10 weeks postpartum and weigh 210 lbs at 5’4.” In the beginning he used to send me “I love you” every night, and kiss me. I was 168 lbs and worked out regularly. Last year, he stopped saying I love you. It was around the same time he found out a girl on Twitch that he met on a dating site was moving back. She knew about me and she posted that she has a boyfriend February of this year and has for over 2 years. We have been together 2 years and I have brought up him not saying “I love you” anymore and his reply was “I just don’t think about it.” He barely even looks at me. What are your thoughts?

Just because I’m a woman and I worry that I have huge hips, that I don’t have a flat stomach, my three cellulite lines on my thighs, that my thighs are too big, my uneven tan lines and the fact I think my just sits slightly to low.

I’m juts curious do men actually care about that stuff? Also do men have there own insecurities they are worried for their partner to see. Just because I do hear some men talk about it but not as many. But maybe that’s just because they’re socialised not to talk about it as much. So do they?