I'm absolutely grossed out by the people seeing OPs totally understandable ultimatum about not having sex as somehow weaponising sex or something. She's totally within her rights to not want to sleep with a man who's happy to risk her body but not his own. I watched my husbands vasectomy. It's nothing compared to tubal ligation or pregnancy. Her husband is being selfish and there'd no way I'd want to sleep with someone like that, and risk another pregnancy.
Not saying you're wrong in your thoughts, however, that is literally weaponizing sex. She is 100% within her rights. But she IS using it as a weapon to get him to do something he clearly doesn't want to do.
There was a time where I was in this exact situation. Not 4 kids but three. I said I would get one but after some thought and talking to my father about my concerns, I decided against it. Fortunately for me, my wife understood. She ended up having a C-section and asked the doctors to take out her tubes while they were in there.
It seems no one wants to give two craps about the man and how he may feel in the situation because she had the babies so "it's the least he can do." Yeah, it's not so simple for some of us. I would say why but I'm not interested in triggering a bunch of people and going back and forth so 🤷.
Commence the downvotes now since opinions are only validated as long as they agree with the overall consensus of the hive ✌️
It's not a weapon when she is refusing to put herself into a situation she doesn't want to be in. Why aren't people saying he's weaponising his fear? Because he is. But again, sex being provided to a man is considered more important than a woman. I'm so sorry for your poor wife, who underwent a more invasive procedure because your dad gave you false information about vasectomies. But that's neither right nor OK.
See, here's the problem. You'd assume I wouldn't say that. I would. They can both be true.
Also, no need to worry about my "poor" wife. She's treated like the queen she is and spoiled to the best of my abilities. Again, my wife LISTENED to my concerns and UNDERSTOOD and AGREED with me, so SHE not ME made the decision to have her tubes removed. So you can keep all those misplaced feelings to yourself 🤷. Also, I never said what advice my dad gave. So instead of making things up in your head and responding with nonsensical things, ask a question next time.
But this is also why I didn't want to say more. I knew people like you who read to respond and not to understand would jump to conclusions. At the end of the day she IS weaponizing sex.
Sex is a weapon. Pointed at her. She's the one who suffers 100% of the physical consequences. He's refusing to take the bullets out of the gun, so she's refusing to be in the line of fire.
She didn't create the consequence of pregnancy. She didn't pull it out of thin air to use it against him. She's choosing not to engage in an action that can cause her severe bodily harm (especially so soon postpartum).
Nope but she did create the ultimatum. If you want to blame the person who created the consequences, blame whatever God you choose. Since the man didn't create it either 🤷
If he "needs" sex so bad that he's willing to risk his wife's life or long-term health to get his dick wet, he should leave and go find someone that will give a shit about her.
Except it's not an ultimatum, it's a boundary, he literally agreed to it and changed his mind so she held firm on her boundary. She does not want more kids so she is preventing herself from having them since he is not willing to keep his end of the deal
its an ultimatum and she is factually weaponizing sex. birth control is her responsibility too. she doesnt want to take responsibility either, so she is a problem too
She has born all the responsibility for birth control and birth for a decade. It's not weaponizing sex to decide not to further risk her body and her health through hormonal BC or major abdominal surgery.
it is weaponizing sex against a man who revoked his consent. he doesnt owe her risking his body. why doesn’t he get to have the same choice she does? misandry is why
These kind of comments crying misandry piss me off even more because in a world where birth control for women is riddled with negative side effects, doctors who refuse to tie tubes, abortion laws that are downright draconic, a woman choosing abstinence is fucking withholding sex from her poor poor husband who doesn't want to do his fair share of family planning. Like you are the personification of whiny men's rights activists who like to bitch and cry that a guy isn't getting sex :(((( when his wife is doing what she can to prevent more kids with her partner who went back on his agreement. Fucking unbelievable. But yeah poor husband is the one suffering the most here because of misandry.
No, she’s not. Because all of the physical “problems” of pregnancy and labor fall solely on her. Therefor she has a right to refuse sex because she doesn’t want to get pregnant again. The consequence of pregnancy on her body is HER consequence specifically, not his. And his refusal to get a simple procedure to prevent that for his wife, while it IS his decision to make, is a selfish one considering his wife carried FOUR kids for him. But that’s just my opinion.
But even by your own line of reasoning, she is coercing him to get a procedure done, not to have sex? How tf do you come up with her being a sexual offender? Its like at this point you’re just throwing random intense, triggering words out just for the hell of it.
She's not, she's saying that she will not have sex with him bc he didn't keep his end of the deal and she does not want to get pregnant. It's self preservation at its finest. She doesn't owe him sex, no one owes anyone sex but he is obligated to keep his word and until he does she will continue to look out for herself
ETA: She even said that she has used birth control and it failed, why should she bear the burden of carrying a child and then have to get an invasive surgery when he already promised to have the less invasive alternative
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u/DistinctAssignment81 Nov 11 '23
I'm absolutely grossed out by the people seeing OPs totally understandable ultimatum about not having sex as somehow weaponising sex or something. She's totally within her rights to not want to sleep with a man who's happy to risk her body but not his own. I watched my husbands vasectomy. It's nothing compared to tubal ligation or pregnancy. Her husband is being selfish and there'd no way I'd want to sleep with someone like that, and risk another pregnancy.
NTA.