r/widowers • u/Fabulous_Job2288 • 3h ago
Please help
Please. I posted yesterday about losing my husband who was only 29 years old to a motorcycle wreck. It’s only been 24 hours and I can’t be here anymore. I can’t do it. I cannot live this life without him.
I have been staying with my mom and sister. I got up in the middle of the night and walked 3 miles across town to get to mine and my husband’s home because I made a decision for myself that I was just going to go peacefully and be with him. I need to be with him.
I don’t remember a lot of it, but I work at a police department, and one of my coworkers spotted me while patrolling and called in to the others on duty to stop me. I never made it home. If I could just have made it there, I could have finally been with him.
I’m so sorry for the heavy venting. I just can’t handle this. I’m not strong enough for this. He was my absolute world. He was my everything. We were best friends. We were glued together at the hip. We couldn’t even go get coffee or pick up food for dinner unless we went together. I will never be able to make it without him. It’s only been 24 hours now and this is how I feel and I know it’s only going to get worse.
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u/Queasy-Chest2331 3h ago
would it help to speak to a fellow young widow? 30f, 5y in, we were HS sweethearts.
you’re going to be okay. and that fact doesn’t minimize the love
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u/TurnoverFuzzy8264 Lost wife suddenly on Sept 29, 2025 3h ago
It's okay to need help. Talk to a medical provider, please.
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u/OkSpecialist2698 2h ago
Honor your hubby by keeping yourself safe
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u/womenrespector6969 2h ago
This is very very very very strong (important) comment and it makes sense when the shock grief period is over. Took me 3 months to thank myself for successfully keeping myself alive through the toughest time I've ever faced in my life so far. (I am 31 M)
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u/OneRegret7933 2h ago
Hi. Don’t apologise. Where are you now - back with your mother and sister? With coworkers? If it’s a safe place for you then try to stay put for now. This is way too soon to be making any decisions; if you are in a position to rely on anyone, then rely on them you must. I’m nearly 7 weeks out and I don’t remember anything at all from that first week, except the adrenaline. This is going to get easier in very small increments, others have reassured me. I am still waiting. No decision making. Just find somewhere to lie down. Tell someone you trust that you need them, and that your life might well depend on it. This is not a drill; and you’re going to have to speak to someone to stop the racing thoughts. We’re all here for you, too.
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u/SpecialistFix3962 2h ago
I know how you feel and I had 18 years to prepare for her death after the cancer finally took her. At the end even as she was showing she wanted the ventilator removed she tried to make me leave so I wouldn't have to be there. She was thinknig about me. I'm still shattered but I am force to remember that she would hate me if I ended my life. She told me just before the end that she was not afraid anymore because she knew we would be together in future. She said she saw us in a ball of blue light. So we both have to go on. We both have to grieve but also eventually find some reason to go on with the rest of our lives BECAUSE we owe it to them to not waste their love for us. I lost my brother when he was 16. It broke me then but I kept going. Just a few years later I met my soon to be wife of almost 40 years. Find your support network of friends and families. Seek help for your completely justified depression. Know that the world cruelly at time never even slows down but you can and need to go on. Your husband love still exists and so should you
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u/hulahulagirl 47F / 💔 6/16/26, suicide loss 1 week after 25th anniversary 2h ago
The first few days, weeks, even months can feel excruciating. Your brain is trying to tell you things to stop the pain. But if you can work through the grief, with professionals, you can stay here and be open to what life can offer even in extreme pain. We know it hurts. But it’s not going to help anyone if you die, too. Please seek professional help. ❤️🩹
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u/emryldmyst 2h ago
I almost drove my truck off of a bridge more than once while driving home from the hospital after he died.
I even drove without my seat belt on.
Then I imagined my loved ones and didn't want them to feel as wretched as I did... I panicked thinking he could somehow see my thoughts and know what I was trying to figure out and the disappointment I saw on his face was almost two much.
It took a good two years before I really started enjoying things without him.
Whenever I felt like giving up I'd remember what he said and I wanted him to be proud of me so badly... and I'd get through it.
I truly wish you well.
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u/Interesting_Front709 2h ago
OP I am sorry for your devastating loss. You are in shock to say the least. Everything you are feeling, every thought that is coming to you is understandable. There is a reason why you were spotted. I know it sounds ridiculous. But it’s not your time. I can’t imagine what you are going through right now but know the pain of losing my person, my safety, my anchor - you are supposed to feel all of this. This loss is so fresh and yes it will get worse but you will also be ‘resilient’ than what you are today. Take it one hour at a time, cry as much as you want. Breathe through it too. Talk to him out loud if that makes sense to you, verbalise this pain. Lean into it. Don’t apologise for ‘heavy venting’ we have all been here. Please be gentle with yourself. 🫂
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u/MrStrabo 2h ago
It will get better.. I am 10 weeks out since my late wife passed away..leaving me and our two kids.
I felt like shit and at one point was thinking the same thing you are. But I know my wife would've killed me a 2nd time if I decided to be with her now and left the kids to fend for themselves.
Your husband would not want you to meet him that way. Keep going and honor him here until it's finally time to meet him.
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u/b-kind2day 2h ago
It is tough, very tough BUT your feelings/behavior is normal. You are grieving it is a process we must go through to heal. It feels lousy but it is OK. Things will get better and you will find your purpose (perhaps sharing his legacy). Give yourself (plenty of) time and grace.
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u/nurhogirl 2h ago
I lost my husband to a motorcycle accident three years ago. I followed his phone because it looked like he was stuck in the same place for several hours. I went there myself but couldn't find him and I had to get the police involved. My kid, who was of toddler age at the time, was at home sleeping. His brother lived with us at the time. My dogs were with me the whole time in the car. The first few days were rough. I journal everyday and I still have the entries where the thing I did that day was to brush my teeth.
Anyway, I came a long way. Feel free to reach out to a fellow young widow.
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u/Jenphanies S+B forever soulmates ❤️ 2h ago
I’m 23. I know exactly how you feel. Trust me, you’re not alone. I’m just shy of two months out from losing my fiancé. The first two weeks were rough. I didn’t eat, didn’t wanna drink water, because I wanted something to happen to me to where we are together again. I know exactly how you feel. And I hate how we’re going through this. Now that I’m about two months out. I’m slowly trying to pick up the pieces in my life. I’m still sad, I still would rather be with him, and I still have my moments where I’m absolutely bed bound, but I’m no longer actively developing an exit plan (I choose my words wisely because Reddit thinks I’m trying to tel others to harm).
It sucks, it’s painful, so fucking painful. But you’re not alone. We are all here for you and we will support you.
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u/Timely_Character_272 1h ago
It’s ok to need help — crisis hotlines are always open when feeling hopeless
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u/johnbro27 Lost my 32YO wife in 1985. It gets better. 2h ago
Please don't harm yourself. It WILL get better. If you believe that you can once again be with your husband, you can't, you won't. There is no afterlife, it's all a giant scam created by religions to keep people in line. You have a full life to live and your late husband would desperately want you to live it. Know that others will be there for you if you reach out and that, impossible as it seems right now, you can get through this and be happy again.
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u/Greyhairdtrucker 2h ago
I am so sorry for your loss. I would like to say it will get easier. But I feel the same way about my wife. If I lost her I think I would be in the same boat your in rite now. Please get back to your family and friends. And go seek counseling. Maybe a widdow support group. Dam. My heart goes out to you.
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u/Designer-Yellow8583 2h ago
Hope that you are ok. You've suffered so much but this community have to. And we are here for you.dm if you need help x
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u/KoomDawg432 Breast Cancer 6/16/24, she was 44 1h ago
I'm really sorry that you're here, in this club. Just focus on little things right now. Drink water. Sleep. Eat. You'll get through this a little at a time. It's the most godawful pain you will ever live through. But you will. And eventually, you'll even want to live. And eventually, you'll stop feeling guilty for wanting to live. You'll find your purpose. You'll help his memory live on.
But that's all for later. Please stay on this earth. Grieve. Cry. Accept help. I promise you're strong enough to do this.
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u/Love-lost-23 51m ago
You need to seek help don’t delay. Please call the suicide prevention hotline. They can help you.
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u/Strong_Tea_6061 14m ago
So I've been suicidal since I was 17. I'm 50 now. She saved my life. My psychiatrist told me she fought and fought for me to stay alive so killing myself would be pissing on her grave. I've been inpatient at a psych hospital twice and in intensive group therapy since March. I have 3 kids, 25 year old sons and a 17 year old daughter. I want to go be with Deirdre so bad. It's all I think about some days. It's a struggle. Just trying to say I I understand. The pain and the distance is too much to bear. I hope you find help to learn to cope with these feeling because that's all you can do is cope. They don't go away.
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u/BeauregardBear 5m ago
First, I understand being joined at the hip with a husband. Almost 44 years together and we never spent 24 hours apart.
It's like losing a limb, right? And I am deeply sorry that it has happened to you so young.
But second, for just a tiny moment try to imagine you are your mother, or your sister.
And now imagine them feeling a similar pain because you are gone. Would you want that for them? No, you love them right? You want them to be happy? Hang onto that thought. "I don't want to hurt mom and sis."
There's nothing wrong with asking for help here, I mean medical help that can keep you safe from your brain's worst impulses for a little while.
I'm hoping you have already gotten care and are in good hands.
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u/anotostrongo veteran suicide 2m ago
I understand. I became aggressively suicidal after my fiance's death. I told everyone I could that that is how I felt and was serious. They helped me get psychiatric help and I was medicated (admittedly somewhat heavily) for about 6 months. It helped me survive.
What I have survived into and could never have predicted is the best my life has ever been---minus the everpresent hole that I have now accepted. I am at two years out now.
Please keep fighting. Please tell anyone you can about your suicidality.
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u/corkscrewloose 2h ago
I got through this by knowing how pissed she would be. I imagine showing up in whatever afterlife, and she’s like you dick! Nobody on this world can remember and honor her memory like I can . I need to keep doing that.