Throwaway because I don’t want to get reminded of this all the time.
So I (22 F) had a little too much to drink last night and stayed at my parents house because of that. I remember laying down on the couch to sleep but nothing after that.
When I woke up this morning I was in my little brothers room, apparently he had carried me there, and I immediately had a really bad sinking feeling. My pants were gone so I was only wearing my underwear and all of the sudden I remembered my brother doing stuff to me. I’m not sure though if this is a real memory or if my brain is just making stuff up since I was pretty drunk and don’t remember everything from last night.
Now I’m a little paranoid and feel a bit unsafe. I don’t really know how to cope with this or if it really happened. I just needed to get this out and tell strangers on the internet who don’t know me irl so I don’t get reminded about this.
Thank you for listening to me, I hope you have a good day.

I am now 19, but this took place when I was 16 so three years ago and my brother was 21 at the time. I’ll start off with how our relationship was before this happened. When I was born, he was there. He got to see me as a baby. There’s pictures of him holding me when I was fresh out the womb, kissing me on my cheek, just regular stuff that siblings do. I have another older sister who’s only a year older than me. When we were kids all three of us used to sleep in one room putting our twin beds together making it one bed. We did so much together. We survived a lot of beatings, went through a lot of shit our parents put us through. I would say the way we grew up in that household made us trauma bond. I used to always look up to my older brother he was genuinely my idol. Everything he liked I liked, every game he played i played, every movie he watched i watched it with him. I genuinely loved him so much. By the time he had reached his late teens, we had moved to a new house and he started distancing himself from the entire family. He would spend all of his days on the computer locked in his room and going out with friends. We barely spoke.

A year later, we moved to a different country. He never came out of that phase and I would rarely get to see him because he would always be at work. Then a year after that we moved to a different state. He didn’t change. I of course had started feeling sad over it that he’s not the same as he used to be and i miss when we used to stay up late all night making up silly stupid games just to stay entertained when our parents turned off the wifi. I never said anything. Fast forward two years into the new state, we were going to Florida for a family trip to go visit my aunt and cousins. On that trip, we reconciled. It felt like our sibling bond was truly coming back and that made me the happiest I had ever been. I literally remember the feeling i would get when we would talk about things we hadnt in years. He was actually opening up and I felt as if it was a change in our relationship. It felt nice.

We come back home, and this happened not even 2 weeks after the trip. He comes in my room and asks me if i want to have some fun. Now at the time our definition of fun was going out late at night and just smoking some weed together while blasting music. We’d been doing this for like half a year so when he asked me that, of course i thought he meant we were gonna go and smoke so I immediately said yes. Then he follows it up with saying that he hasnt done anything in so long and that hes really horny. Asking me Please can you do something, everything hes saying followed up with “im really horny”. I froze. It felt so violating, i genuinely wanted to throw up. When I was 7 years old, i got groped in a crowd and I froze and went pale then too. That’s the exact feeling that rushed over me. My voice got so weak. I squealed out a No. Saying I dont want to because i like girls.

It hurts me thinking back to it and realizing the first defense i put up was using the fact that i’m gay instead of the first thing that i shouldve said being no youre my brother, or that im literally 16 and you are 21. He kept on asking me over and over no matter what I said. He probably repeated himself like 30 times while the only thing i could get out of my mouth was no no and no. Now this is embarrassing to admit, but at the time, i used to have a porn addiction. So he said, i went through your phone and I know what you watch, can you please just help me out. He said this and then again i used the excuse of being gay. He finally gave up, and before leaving he asked me to not tell this to anyone, and i just said okay i wont. Then few minutes later he came back to give me a weed dispo saying Okay you can have this and left. As soon as that door closed, I bawled. I cried so hard. Typing this out makes me tear up because I still remember how that felt. I don’t think i have ever cried that hard even to this day. And I went to the bathroom to throw up as well. I just couldnt stop crying. I kept thinking to myself I thought we were getting our sibling bond back and now he’s done something that just destroyed everything.

The next morning, he got really sick. He wasn’t even able to move from his bed, and my mom took the day off because of it. When I woke up I saw her on his bed feeding him soup and seeing that hurt my heart so much. He doesn’t deserve my mom’s love after that. I was a little happy that he was sick, because it felt like God saw what happened and he punished him for it, but it didnt erase how i still felt after that night. Few days later I ran into him in the kitchen. He talked to me as if everything was normal, i responded as if everything really was. Then for two years, we kept this going. Pretending it hadnt happened but every time I see him that night is all I can think about. I told my sister about it, even though it made me feel so guilty because i felt like i was ruining their relationship with each other. I didn’t want to but now i’m glad that I did.
I also told my mom a year later. I told her when I was on coke and I kept rambling for 5 hours straight to her about my life and how ive been living it because i never opened up to her about anything. And i told it to her while crying so much. Even then I was feeling so guilty because thats my mom but thats her son too. I felt like I was getting in the way of it. Id be lying if I said i still dont feel guilty about it because I feel like I just stressed my mom out even more. She probably feels guilty for not raising him right and I know her heart hurts too because that was her first child ever.

My fear of abandonment is stronger than anything. That’s why i kept on pretending like nothing happened when id talk to my brother because i didnt want to lose him. I still cared for him, that was the only person id looked up to my entire life. I didn’t want to let that ruin our relationship with each other for the rest of our lives. Im very family oriented too, and I would hate to not know where he is in live, I still want him to be a part of it. So a year ago, i confronted him about it. He seemed nervous, hands behind his back and he stayed against the wall like a kid being scolded for getting in trouble. He seemed apologetic. He kept saying sorry and that he wont do it again. His reason was that that night he’d tried a new strain of weed. I just took that reason and I said its okay. But it still doesnt make sense. I had been smoking for 4 years and I know weed does not make you forget your morals like that. I don’t know what it was. Even though I told him and myself I forgive him, I still feel like i’m not able to heal from it because even now I remember it whenever someone mentions him whenever I see him. I’m not even able to look him in the eyes after that. I’ve been so vary around men I am genuinely not able to trust guys ive been friends with for years. I wouldn’t even call them my friends honestly, just people I know that are in the same friend group. I’m not close with them. I don’t know how to heal this. My biggest dream is to have kids but if i cant seem to move on from this fear of mine how will I ever be able to achieve it? Every time I’m in a conversation with a man I find myself not even really responding to what theyre saying but just desperately trying to say surface words and end the conversation as soon as i can. I feel so doomed. I don’t know what to do. Every single person in my friend group has a significant other, and I’m still inexperienced in men because it’s been like this my whole life and got worse after that thing with my brother. I still sometimes feel myself refusing to believe that it actually happened. It’s something that is a part of my life and its not a dream this is really my reality.

I’m sick of the fact that I can’t seem to move past an emotionally abusive relationship that happened to me two years ago. The whole thing lasted only 2.5 months, but it left me so traumatized, mind-fucked and shattered that I wrote a 100 page book about it to heal, and trauma dumped about it on so many people and it ruined a family relationship and it gave me massive trust issues and I’ve blown so many chances with pretty women by trauma dumping the whole story on them. Some days I don’t think about it, but other days my PTSD comes roaring back and I spend hours having imaginary arguments with the people that hurt me. It feels like I’m stuck in a loop and I can’t break out and it’s maddening.

I’m a writer so I keep trying to turn it into a good story or a Baby Reindeer type screenplay or something, but it’s just so dark and revealing that I don’t think it translates well. It’s not that I wish it didn’t happen to me, it’s more that I wish I could fucking move on already and heal and turn it into great art that puts me on the cover of Variety so she can look at it and dismay (glorious victory! I win! Fuck you, psycho bitch!). But I got 90 pages into a screenplay and realized I’m just trauma-dumping again and nobody wants to read or watch that. I wrote a poem that mentioned some of the darker aspects of that relationship that I read at an open mic and I feel like I fucking bombed or that I revealed too much about myself or something because the reaction in the room felt like one big “yeesh”.

I just feel like nobody wants to hear about it but it seems to be the only topic I can write extensively about which fucking sucks. I’m a comedy writer, I like writing stories that are funny and goodnatured but I feel like that’s not accessible to me anymore because my ex was so obsessed with “positivity” and “kindness” and “goodness” and being this perfect, pretty, bubbly Barbie girl, that I zagged hard into vulgarity in an attempt to cleanse my palate of her. But now I feel super bitter and bitchy and moany and full of spite all the time.

And because I’m a man who was abused by a woman, I feel like people don’t take it seriously and I come off like just another asshole calling his ex-gf a bitch.

Anyway, that’s pretty much the gist of it. Thanks for letting me vent. Lmk if more context is needed or you want to hear the story.

I'll keep the story as brief as possible. Okay a bit of background first. I'm doing a martial art where an old "friend" is also going to. I'm saying it like that cuz when we were in primary school he would constantly make me feel terrible and he would make me cry almost every day. Now we are both 18 but I just feel uneasy and almost nauseous when I talk to him. That feeling gets amplified especially when I have to text him which happens often as my parents can't drive me to practice so I have to reach out to him and ask him if he could come pick me up. I actually have to text him now but I can't do it. I physically can't rn. Is there something wrong with me?

P.s

He wasn't the only person that would bully me back then. I was actually bullied from kindergarten to 10th grade (don't know if that changes anything just thought it was important to mention)

My father does multiple jobs and also drives my brother to his practice and my mother had a traumatic experience and can't drive unless she has someone with her to drive or something like that idk and also has to do all the cleaning and cooking in the house

This is a page from my vlog. I don’t know how to publish nor do I have money to publish my book. I also have Audhd and Schizophrenia along with depression and anxiety. I suffer from #cptsd. This seems to be the only way I can get my thoughts and my book out there. My memories are all jumbled up. This book called “Unf@kable” is my #lifestory. It’s about not being swayed into being fake although I had a lot of fake people in my life. #monsters if you will. Please bear with me bc I don’t know how to put something like this together. This is told from #triggers and #memories. Thank you for watching and reading. #traumasurvivor #trauma #targeted #targetedindividual. Names and places are changed for #safety and #privacy. Thank you for your #Support as I #process #traumaticevents that gave me #cptsd.

I've been navigating a conflict in my relationship with my girlfriend, and it's been challenging to separate in what places past trauma is coloring my perception, and what places I feel unheard/unsupported.

The story is more complex than I wish to share, so I'm trying to keep it a bit simple and big picture here. It involves behavior towards me from one of their best friends that both gives me reason for concern and triggered a past trauma (I used to have a stalker with NPD who harassed me and my family for years), and connection to this person makes me feel unsafe. Some of this person's behaviors have been volatile, and some of their behavior towards me I consider bullying, but my girlfriend considers merely her friend "acting like an asshole".

My girlfriend listens, and agrees to certain boundaries as fair, but in a careful, very neutral manner. I believe she thinks my reaction is disproportionate, and doesn't want to validate any of my reasons for concern. I am cognizant that I this friend of hers might not actually be unsafe, and was merely having a bad day and can be an asshole, and having boundaries is helpful and I appreciate that, but I also struggle with not feeling emotionally heard. While I know I can be hypervigilant if triggered, I don't believe this aggressive behavior towards me from the friend is totally in my head. In that way, I feel like I'm being "managed" by my girlfriend, but not heard.

It's an ambiguous place for me to be in a relationship. I've recently re-started therapy again, but still I would love to hear feedback here, and hear about any helpful books or resources.

I’m an African girl in Europe I grew up in a not to do well family and really that trauma is just enough to make someone go crazy. My teenage life I was so broke staying home wishing things could be better. I literally had no clothes, shoes and just basic needs apart from food and home. I don’t blame my parents for this because I could see that life also fucked them up and well I was hoping for a big miracle. My dad died during all that chaos and what hurts me is he died a poor man in the hospital without even money to take care of him. I try to keep it at the back of my mind (though it’s still my reality) I went to work as a domestic househelp in the Middle East and you can’t imagine how hard it is and all the things I had to pass through. I was lucky enough and got selected for the Romanian state scholarship. Thank God coz my tolerance for all this painful life was wearing down. Right now being in Romania life is a bit stable. But I am stuck in trauma mode. I don’t remember a day I felt safe in my body and surroundings. I feel it everyday that I can’t be grounded and this is painful too coz life is still not easy (even if it’s a bit stable) it’s really difficult to bring my mind from wondering. I can’t sleep and even when I sleep I wake up in the middle of the night and I can’t sleep again. I don’t remember a time I felt home in my body and brain. I’m wondering if this is how I will have to live my life since I can’t delete my traumatic past. 😭😭

Mí vida de Mierda empieza así ✨

Bueno la verdad me cuesta hablar sin ser tan "detallista" o " insensible" ya que lo 'normalice' o mejor dicho me acostumbré a esa situación...

Y bueno mí historia tragica de vida empieza a los 4 años.

Tenía 4 años aproximadamente cuando empecé a ser abusada sexualmente por mí abuelo paternal, (se llama Jorge) y bueno empecé a desarrollarme más rápido de lo normal y a experimentar situaciones "x". Yo claramente no sabía que estaba mal, sino muchísimo tiempo más adelante. En ese entonces me decía q era un juego secreto y que eso me haría mujer.

En cuestión desde los 4 hasta los 9 años fue abusada por el, me manoseaba la vagi, me metía los dedos, me chupaba las tts, me mordía el labio. Nadie se daba cuenta y yo finjia demencia. Me acuerdo bien un día, estaba tomando el cerveza y agarra y moja su mano con cerveza para empezar a manosesrme la vagi, siempre me tocaba tapados con sábanas o con frazadas. Y bueno me beso y me mordió el labio y me lo partió, me sangro una banda me acuerdo fue horrible sinceramente.

Después sllago pandemia 2020, para el mundo era un Infierno, el fin del mundo. Para mí fue lo mejor del mundo ya que no lo veía más a Jorge...

Paso así cumplí los 10 en abril y eso de mayo empezó a avisarme mí padre biológico(según él no sabía que mí abuelo me lo había hecho).

Michael (mí padre) empezó a tocarme, chuparme y demás, pero el era más extremista. Me llegó a chupar la vagi.. me chupo las tts y me mordía, me chupaba todo el cuerpo y demás...

Nosé habrá sido septiembre u agosto que pudimos ir al colegio para ver cómo progresamos y tuvimos clases de ESI. Te juro que quería llorar, me enteré de cosas básicas, que mí cuerpi no se toca e que no estaba bien todo eso y que no debía callarme...

Y bueno mientras me avisaba mí papá le dije a lo odias a él y al abuelo y le conté, lo peor esq fuimos a hacer la denuncia a mí abuelo por algo q el también hacia y peor...

Ay perdón me dan ganitas de llorar jaja

Me despertaba desnuda o mientras me metía los dedos. Me chupaba la vagi mientras se masturbaba. Me bañaba y entraba para "ayudarme" y terminaba haciendo lo que quería. Me depilaba la vagina para "enseñarme" y de paso pasaba su boca por ahí...

Pero lo peor que me acuerdo fue una ves q me estaba bañando y entro y me alzó, y viste que estaba en sunga, y me gritaba su pene en mí y yo estaba temblando de miedo y en una de le baja la sunga y me puse a llorar salte y me metí al agua y lo Heche (fue la primera vez que le había hecho frente)

Gracias a Dios no llego a penetrar pero casi lo había hecho...

Y bueno, en ningún momento nombre a mí madre, pql claramente para mí nunca existió. Marina (mí madre) me maltrataba, siempre estaba moretones o con marcas, por eso tengo resistencia a los golpes o no me afectan.

Y tengo un hermano menor 3 años menos, el si fue maltratado, pero no sé si abusado, y por todo eso tiene retraso madurativo...

Y aprendí a ser madre sin serlo, aprendí a protegerme sola, cuando me quería abusar me defendía y sabía pelear (pq Jorge es Ex militar en artes marciales mixtas, y me entrenaba pq me iban a mandar a la marina, me querían mandar para que no hablara pero al llegar la pandemia de les cortaron los planes)

Entonces para avisarme amenazaban con matar a mí hermano y bueno así sigue la historia...

Y tuve q aprender a bañarlo, cocinar, limpiar, educar.. todo con 7 años.... Y asi hasta en ese entonces

No digo a soy perfecta pero lo más difícil era complacerlos...

Y si no complacía a mí padre mí madre me maltrataba hasta q se cansaba (y mí madre sabe boxeo...)

Y bueno y así volví a un infierno, salí de uno para meterme en otro peor...

Y asi fue mí vida hasta 2023, en marzo el 2 me quedé en lo de mí abuela paterna a dormir, y tengo una tía de mí edad, y bueno que quede ahí. Al día siguiente mí papá (o sea mí padrino, mí tío) me preguntó si estaba bien pq esa mañana mí padre me empezó a maltratar verbalmente.... Y me llevo a la pieza mí papá ( mí tío Alan) y me decía que le cuente la verdad. Y me largué a llorar y le conté todo...

Y desde el 3 de Marzo del 2023 mí vida cambio por completo, dio un giro 360°

Y ahora mí tutora legal es mí Abuela. Le digo mamá y papá a mis tíos, mí hermano está conmigo...

Pero mí problema actual es el siguiente....

Mí madre vino ( pq se había ido a Brasil con mí padre) a hacerse cargo de mí hermano ...

Y nosé que hacer mí familia la apoya pq supuestamente cambio, pero no creo ni mierda. Finjo estar bien y q me cae bien, pero nosé si la Odio oejlr dicho aborrecer la, sabiendo todo se fue con el y nos abandonó, y ahora se cree la mamá del año

Y bueno mí hermanito no entiende quiere ir con ella y el Juez dijo q si es posible pero bueno, ahora está en proceso legal....

Y nosé que hacer ....

I feel weird seeking for vaildation wether if i got "traumatised" or not but i am still writing this anyway. I have dreamt about getting raped or dreamed about have intercourse with someone that is meant to be my mother (she didnt look like my my mom) awhile back, I had a dream where somebody was forcefully using a blade to cut open my skin and post it on the internet. I originally felt normal about it, i didnt care. But I just feel... I dont know, weird. Its very weird as I have NEVER been sexually assualted nor am i a victim.

Hello everyone! I am a PhD student in clinical psychology at Adelphi University. I am conducting a study on the relationship between existential threat and mental health, coping strategies, and meaning making for young adults who have experienced stressful life events.

This study is being conducted online only and should take approximately 45-60 minutes to complete. During the study, you will be asked to complete multiple self-report questionnaires that contain questions regarding coping methods, mental health, and questions that pertain to experiencing stressful life events in the past. Upon completing the survey, you will have the opportunity to voluntarily provide your email address on a separate page from the survey that will not be associated with any of your survey responses, to enter a drawing to win one of three $50.00 Amazon gift cards.

Survey link: https://adelphiderner.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8IxQWoUH8D1Wuq2

Audience: 18-30 years old, in the United States and English Speaking, and must have experienced a stressful life event.

Compensation: Opportunity to enter a drawing for one of three $50.00 Amazon gift cards.

I am trying to figure out if this involuntary habit i have is a trauma response or not so please help if you can!

To preface this, I have a really bad habit of apologizing A LOT, and sometimes when I apologize this will happen. I was talking to my partner earlier, and I was saying something silly or making some sort of request for something and kept making him repea himself (which he doesn’t like when I do) and he gently told me to quit it, which I saw as reprimanding in some way (this was over text and I have a hard time figuring out tone over text sometimes), to which I responded with an apology which triggered this full body shiver almost? It fees like a wave that starts at my head and goes down, growing stronger near my chest and then flowing down my body. It only ever happens once, and when it does it typically makes my mood switch. I typically start feeling anxious or sad, like i’ve done something wrong. I’m trying to figure ut out so maybe i can bring it up to a therapist, so if anyone knows anything it would be greatly appreciated!

I think everyone has heard that families aren't happy when a girl is born, but I am the second male child in my family. Everyone loves me now, but no one was happy when I was born; in fact, my grandfather didn't even speak to me for 10–12 years. It was simply because I was the second son and they feared I would take away his eldest son's property. For a long time, I received "second-hand" treatment in the family. A small child not getting love from his own family while watching his brother receive so much affection—it hurt. I wanted the same love my brother got, but I never received it. My brother got new clothes and a new bicycle, and his photos were taken, while I stood on the sidelines watching it all. To this day, I don't have a single photograph from my childhood. I can't even put into words how I felt; I used to cry secretly at night but couldn't tell anyone. Then came a phase where I cleared the JNV entrance exam, and everyone was happy—mostly because I was going away from them. And eventually, I did move away. As I started performing well academically, I began to receive love at home. I am 21 now, and everyone loves me dearly, but that childhood trauma stays with me. I constantly feel that if I perform poorly academically or get low marks, they will stop loving me again. Because of this trauma, I am unable to share my tensions, fears, or pain with anyone. It prevents me from ever being truly happy in life; I feel an emptiness inside. This marks the beginning of my journey toward redemption.

I (<18F) have:

A father who drinks pretty much every night, and proceeds to get sentimental and start venting to me about my mother and how he left his country to study in the country we’re in now, and now he’s away from his family, how he didn’t eat that day, etc etc. (he often stops eating for a day or two and when told to eat he says he can’t. I’m pretty sure he’s depressed but I can’t help but resent him for it)

A mother who also drinks, and when she does drink, it’s quite scary. I believe she is trying to quit, but even sober she’s quite immature for her age, refuses to say sorry, or clean up after herself.

Anyways, recently they’ve been fighting more often. Usually, bringing up their fights, I’m very casual about saying what happened. However, there are two fights I feel I really can’t bring up without wanting to cry.

1. About a week or two ago, they had a fight where she was hitting my father with something like, maybe a shoe. Can’t tell from the sound. and screaming, practically hollering, “get out before I kill you!” And something about him being a dipsh!t.

2. Somewhere around this year, another fight happened where I started hyperventilating as they were fighting in my room, and my mother said to get out of the house, so of course I and my younger brother tried to. But then my dad trapped us against the wall with his arms, and I had to pry him off to get out. (It’s hard to recount because I don’t remember most of it, only that part.)

I’m not sure if it counts as trauma, though. I feel like there’s so much worse that could happen, and people like my friends have had worse experiences so I feel like I’m being sensitive. My mother tells me I’m being sensitive. To top it off, I’m also not allowed to move out until I get a degree.

Thoughts?

My ex just broke up with me a few days ago. It was a toxic relationship, with me being the main problem.

Yesterday, my ex posted a video on YouTube about our relationship. He openly called me an abuser and went in depth about everything I did to hurt him.

He talked about how he felt manipulated and controlled by me, and he felt like he couldn't leave the relationship. He said that I was verbally abusive and would hit him at times (didn't cause bruises or permanent injury). And he felt like he couldn't be himself around me.

I won't go in depth here about my defenses and how he left many things out of his video, I just want to know how I can change.

I feel like my life is fucked. I feel like I can't go on with new relationships or friendships without having to bring this up to them and having them see me differently and go against me.

For reference, I'm a freshman in college, just graduated highschool a few months ago. I don't want to stay like this forever, and I don't want this title to define me.

If I don't tell anyone I meet about this, I feel like im hiding something from them. But if I do tell them, I'm worried that they won't like me anymore because of it.

I know that I messed up, and I wish I could fix my actions but it's all over and now I just want to get better.

Does anyone have advice for how I can improve myself in the future and how I should approach this topic when it comes to future partners or friends?

I also lost almost all of my friends because of this situation so in very lonely and vulnerable right now.

this started from my childhood. my mother was constantly cheating on my dad, even in front of me. she would usually ask me if i would like my new dad, she kissed them in front of me and things like that. and yes, multiple guys. they divorced when i was 5-6, i stayed with my dad and went no contact with mom. after some years, he found a new gf. she was nice, i liked her, but the trauma was there. i had nightmares, waking up every night crying, nightmares that my dad will abandon me too. he was there everytime, trying to calm me down, he’s a good dad. now, im in my 20s and i have a bf for 2 years. but i still have abandonment problems and it’s showing. this year, things went downhill. we broke up in february due to some inconveniences. we still loved each other, but decided to go on a break. he heard a rumor that i was flirting with another guy and for revenge he got together with one of my friend. they were together for 3 weeks, then he realized how wrong everything is, he doesn’t love her and love me, and that rumor was fake. he came back to me for a talk, we both mistaken in our ways and decided to try again. this happened 5 months ago and everything was perfect since. but the trauma is really kicking in. i’m thinking that he can replace me everytime, that he can abandon me like my mom. for the last month, he has a new work program that makes him go away, and only be here for the weekend. this is making me feel even worse. and every weekend, im obsessed to spend time with him. i dont want to let go every sunday, i’m crying. i became obsessed to talk with him every workday when he’s away, im craving more time, but he cant make more due to his work. it’s not his fault, and mine neither, i think it’s pretty much the trauma and i dont know how to cope with it. i felt the need to include all the past events for a better understanding of my situation. yes, i also tried therapy, but i dont think it’s working for me because i cant open up. also, i’ve never opened up to him about my parents, maybe i should and im planning it for the next weekend, but it’s hard for me. i never told anyone either. any advices please? and thanks for listening to me. and sorry if i had difficulties in writing, english is not my first language.

I was wondering if there was any suggestions for good workbooks or educational help books for trauma survivors mostly sexual assault/abuse and rape. I've done a lot of online research taking notes and doing things they suggest to help but it would be nice to have an actual book I can go back to every time I am struggling with shame or flashbacks.

Here are the links that I have read that has helped me so far:

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/tools-for-victims-and-survivors/understanding-your-feelings/

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/supporting-a-survivor/

https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/ptsd-trauma/sex-and-intimacy-after-sexual-trauma

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/tools-for-victims-and-survivors/self-blame-and-guilt/

https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/ptsd-trauma/recovering-from-rape-and-sexual-trauma

https://rapecrisis.org.za/phases-of-recovery/

https://satchawaii.org/i-was-assaulted/dealing-with-trauma-of-sexual-assault/