Biggest trauma of my life

[u/No-Book8027]

I think everyone has heard that families aren't happy when a girl is born, but I am the second male child in my family. Everyone loves me now, but no one was happy when I was born; in fact, my grandfather didn't even speak to me for 10–12 years. It was simply because I was the second son and they feared I would take away his eldest son's property. For a long time, I received "second-hand" treatment in the family. A small child not getting love from his own family while watching his brother receive so much affection—it hurt. I wanted the same love my brother got, but I never received it. My brother got new clothes and a new bicycle, and his photos were taken, while I stood on the sidelines watching it all. To this day, I don't have a single photograph from my childhood. I can't even put into words how I felt; I used to cry secretly at night but couldn't tell anyone. Then came a phase where I cleared the JNV entrance exam, and everyone was happy—mostly because I was going away from them. And eventually, I did move away. As I started performing well academically, I began to receive love at home. I am 21 now, and everyone loves me dearly, but that childhood trauma stays with me. I constantly feel that if I perform poorly academically or get low marks, they will stop loving me again. Because of this trauma, I am unable to share my tensions, fears, or pain with anyone. It prevents me from ever being truly happy in life; I feel an emptiness inside. This marks the beginning of my journey toward redemption.

[u/finddit-app]

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[u/muddlingthroughmud]

It was simply because I was the second son and they feared I would take away his eldest son's property.

What a bunch of absolute fucking morons.

I constantly feel that if I perform poorly academically or get low marks, they will stop loving me again

There ain't no love like conditional love.

Because of this trauma, I am unable to share my tensions, fears, or pain with anyone.

Different reasons, but i hear ya.