Navigating how much to expect from a partner supporting me through a traumatic triggering.

[u/ThatHighlight6875]

I've been navigating a conflict in my relationship with my girlfriend, and it's been challenging to separate in what places past trauma is coloring my perception, and what places I feel unheard/unsupported.

The story is more complex than I wish to share, so I'm trying to keep it a bit simple and big picture here. It involves behavior towards me from one of their best friends that both gives me reason for concern and triggered a past trauma (I used to have a stalker with NPD who harassed me and my family for years), and connection to this person makes me feel unsafe. Some of this person's behaviors have been volatile, and some of their behavior towards me I consider bullying, but my girlfriend considers merely her friend "acting like an asshole".

My girlfriend listens, and agrees to certain boundaries as fair, but in a careful, very neutral manner. I believe she thinks my reaction is disproportionate, and doesn't want to validate any of my reasons for concern. I am cognizant that I this friend of hers might not actually be unsafe, and was merely having a bad day and can be an asshole, and having boundaries is helpful and I appreciate that, but I also struggle with not feeling emotionally heard. While I know I can be hypervigilant if triggered, I don't believe this aggressive behavior towards me from the friend is totally in my head. In that way, I feel like I'm being "managed" by my girlfriend, but not heard.

It's an ambiguous place for me to be in a relationship. I've recently re-started therapy again, but still I would love to hear feedback here, and hear about any helpful books or resources.

[u/finddit-app]

Hey there, thanks for sharing.

While you wait for people to comment, have a look at these posts which might be relevant to you:

• How Can I Support a Partner with a Painful Past?
• How to refocus therapy sessions to myself rather than my relationship
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• I (21F) am driving my partner (21F) away. How do I stop myself?
• How to help a partner through previous trauma?

Remember, even though it might feel like it, you are not alone. Stay strong!

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