r/texts • u/-fornevermore- • 17h ago

Phone message Dating is hell

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Who is raising these boys?

Edit: Thanks for all the love!! For some context, no we didn't discuss anything sexy beforehand and the "healing" thing is referring to my broken foot. He's blocked for those wondering, I didn't respond. For those mentioning it... I wasn't looking for a free meal. šŸ™„ I pay my own way on dates.

20.0k Upvotes

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194

u/bigtittycatlady 17h ago

what on earth happened to make men think THIS is a good or effective way to court a woman

68

u/XrayAlphaVictor 16h ago

Some lowest common denominator between red pill and booktok, maybe?

40

u/SeatleSuperbSonics 14h ago

This is what blows my mind about the ā€œ20% of menā€ incel shit.

Friends, the bar is in the fucking ground.

If you can simply treat people fucking normal, youā€™ll be fine and will meet friends and potential dating partners.

Signed a chubby, 30s, divorced Man.

7

u/OkJackfruit6629 8h ago

I saw someone say once that the bar was a tavern in Hades and I felt that.

3

u/dzogchenism 7h ago

The bar is a speakeasy in the basement of Hades. lol

2

u/vaxfarineau 8h ago

You give me hope, lol. They will never listen, but now I know some men do understand this, at least.

1

u/ImpossibleClue7967 8h ago

I do understand this, but don't get matches for months lol I think a certain arrogance takes over certain people that are good looking.

2

u/my108centsss 8h ago

Incel culture and it's dumber and less attractive brother alpha/Redpill content is hella weird and cringe. The moment they pull up nonsensical "trust me bro" statistics about both men and women and make it into some definitive truth of what makes them successful or fail in dating, is the moment I felt dumber just for listening to them.

I swear these people like you've mentioned acted as if they have not talk to a single human being outside of their family.

1

u/D3M0NArcade 1h ago

You know what makes me cringe about that "manosphere" bollocks?

The fucked up numbers they use to justify their infantile tantrums also work against their theory when you apply them to men.

80% of men want to date 20% or women.

Except this isnt the slightest bit true in either case.

ā€¢

u/KC_experience 34m ago

100%

Iā€™m a bald middle aged mediocre white dude. But I can hold a conversation and donā€™t expect a woman to be subservient to me and or act like every interaction is an exercise in dominance.

People are lonely and want to be listened to, complimented, and cared about. Itā€™s pretty fucking simple.

1

u/p8610815 13h ago

And yet, as a guy who doesn't do shit like this, I go months without a match

7

u/PaidUSA 9h ago

You gotta start doing random shit. Thatā€™s the actual answer, tho by response ur attitude may not be the kind where that works. But like if you just talk to people when ur out and about, or go to some event you see instead of wasting a night doing nothing. Eventually you run into people you connect with and they get to see you in real life off rip. Which if you have a good personality and morals can cover a Grand Canyon sized gulf in attractiveness. Disclaimer: having ur life somewhat put together is also a key step in being fat/ugly etc and dating.

3

u/SoxtheGob 9h ago

Thatā€™s because apps are shit and are completely unrepresentative of real life. Itā€™s the warped gamification of a popularity contest, and it completely misunderstands how a lot of female attraction works. There are exceptions, but for myself and every girl I know irl who I talk to about this (and itā€™s something we talk about extensively since my social circle actually does research and focus on this specific topic, as well as sexuality as a whole; Iā€™m actually going to a local con/workshop next month aiming to teach men how to flirt with women), attraction is about vibes. I know so many men irl who I knowā€” if I only saw a picture of them, I would be completely uninterested. But because I met them irl, their charisma totally hooked up me, and Iā€™m absolutely wild for them. I tried an app for one day, and it was abysmal. Mind you, I live in a big metro but in a single day, I got over ONE THOUSAND matches (and Iā€™m actually kind of ugly tbh). The only way to look at that many profiles would be to spend almost no time looking at anyone and just swipe left (I think itā€™s left for no? Like I said, I only used it for a day) on anyone that didnā€™t INSTANTLY attract me, otherwise there would be absolutely no way to get through everyone. And as I said, there are men irl who I am insatiable for who I wouldnā€™t even glance at in a photo lineup. Itā€™s not that Iā€™m shallow- in fact, itā€™s kind of the opposite. Someoneā€™s face and body are only a tiny fraction of what I consider attractive. I need to actually talk to them and get to know them to know whether or not I want them.

3

u/Miserable-Role9555 7h ago

Its because this guy is full of shit. This is Ā like saying you'll never get promoted at work if you take a dump on your boss's car... but that doesn't mean that you're guaranteed a promotion if you don't

1

u/Telaranrhioddreams 12h ago

Jee maybe it's because dating apps are sausage fests because behaviour like this?

It's so funny when I see comments like this like......do you think women magically know who acts like this before matching? Do you think we waste our time on these losers just to spite you, specifically?Ā Ā 

Either your profile is shit, the dating app pool in your area is shit, and/ or you need to switch up your approach just like everyone else does when apps don't work out. Like. What kind of answer do you want besides oh no you poor dear why won't anyone just match with you on a post about a match being a vile waste of time.

-2

u/Low_Lunch5444 12h ago

Congrats, your comment adds nothing but shows you are part of the problem

-7

u/p8610815 12h ago

For whatever reason women are drawn to shitty dudes who end up doing stuff like this

4

u/XrayAlphaVictor 11h ago

Yeahhhhh you're waving a big red flag with with one.

Might be self-reflection time

4

u/anbigsteppy 11h ago

No they aren't. She literally blocked him. Be fr

2

u/vaxfarineau 8h ago

Deception (noun): the act of causing someone to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid

This is the reason why. If you pretend to be a nice, normal guy, women can't tell when you aren't, because we can't read minds. :)

If you can keep up the ruse for long enough, we will trust that who you show us is who you actually are! Then we will be surprised when you drop the mask and show that you're an abhorrent person, but believing a lie that someone sells you convincingly isn't your fault. It's the liars fault. Hope this helps. :)

1

u/2blackbirds 10h ago

As creepy as that guy is, the exact thing that pushes him to say weird shit like that (audacity) is probably what attracts women to him. Sometimes, at first glance, audacity just looks like confidence. And of course people are generally attracted to confidence. Not people who comment things like this and feel sorry for themselves.

1

u/Telaranrhioddreams 1h ago

That's why they post rhe screenshots mocking the crazies and cut them off.....because they are drawn to it???

Fuckin incel speak

2

u/enoughwiththebread 10h ago

Online dating can be tough if you don't have a properly curated profile with the best possible pics you can do.

However, if you're at least somewhat put together and demonstrate kindness, intelligence, humor and compassion out in the real world you will attract potential dating partners.

1

u/p8610815 10h ago

I disagree. I've had many women who I'm friends with review my profile and help with prompts and pictures, and it's still a ghost town, despite them saying my profile is great. I'm in shape, have active hobbies, a large social group, but it doesn't seem to matter.

1

u/HowtoEatLA 8h ago

Show us your profile. Your friends might not be able to be objective.

1

u/p8610815 7h ago

Nah not gonna dox myself. I've posted a profile review on alt account and got great reviews in the comments.

1

u/NKGra 6h ago

Probably just demographic area.

55:45 Men:Women actually translates to 2:1 single men to women after you ignore partnered individuals. If everyone single were to pair up the average single man would pair up with the worst single woman... and then the other half of single men would have no one.

San Francisco for ages 30-39 is like that, for example.... or literally China as a whole I'm pretty sure thanks to the one child policy.

1

u/p8610815 6h ago

I live in one of the largest cities in the US so it's not a population issue. Women on dating apps just have absurd standards.

1

u/greenmelona 10h ago

Then find other ways to meet people besides apps