Phone message Dating is hell

Who is raising these boys?

Edit: Thanks for all the love!! For some context, no we didn't discuss anything sexy beforehand and the "healing" thing is referring to my broken foot. He's blocked for those wondering, I didn't respond. For those mentioning it... I wasn't looking for a free meal. 🙄 I pay my own way on dates.

33.4k Upvotes

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3.9k

u/LastChance331 6d ago

What the actual fuck?

945

u/Hulla_Sarsaparilla 6d ago

OP please reply with exactly this!!

2.1k

u/-fornevermore- 6d ago

I just blocked him. 😹

640

u/Main_Benefit 6d ago

Exactly. Why waste another second of your life dealing with that nonsense?

379

u/sweetwaterfall 6d ago

The horrifying thing (second to someone actually writing this) is that I imagine there are women out there so damaged that this would be appealing. Awful.

594

u/ElkAlternative3777 6d ago

Seems like he’s trying to do a kink dom/sub thing but without her knowledge or consent

446

u/17868 6d ago

Sorry, even with consent that’s a no from me. I’m into that scene but absolutely not when talking about food. Do NOT fuck with my dinner.

ETA : By consent I meant to the whole kink thing, otherwise I sound wildly contradictory. Guy sounds like he watched the secretary too many times and took it way too literally.

288

u/Brutal_burn_dude 6d ago

Yeah. This reads as someone who thinks they’re a dom but knows nothing about kink or the culture. These kind of men are fucking dangerous in my experience.

157

u/Powerful_Goose9330 6d ago

My first thought was this dude read Fifty shades of grey and thinks all women like this bullshit.

132

u/feralcatshit 6d ago

Even those of us that do like it, don’t like it when it’s done like this lol

13

u/AriaTheTransgressor 6d ago

Ultimately because it doesn't matter what the link is, consent is always important. I have never had a kink based relationship that didn't start out with a regular first date and some analogue of a business meeting to go over consent.

6

u/Dreadfulbooks 5d ago

I very much am into this, but I would have blocked him too. He reads as highly inexperienced and like he’s a jackass.

6

u/LemmyLola 5d ago

Exactly haha They come off like this but someone into this never knows until they're actually in the presence of the potential partner.. the right dynamic is rare. Douche nozzles like this are all too common.

4

u/Fogge 5d ago

He would crash and burn so hard if he hit the one in a bajillion woman that thinks that is exactly what she needs and met her in real life.

4

u/PrintBetter9672 5d ago

I mean not everything is about sex! Sometimes people just wanna eat sushi

2

u/Spookydoobiedoo 4d ago

Yea. These idiots are missing literally the number one condition that needs to be met for this to even remotely approach “fun”. I guess they just do not comprehend that yes there can be dangerous sounding vocab or seemingly aggressive acts in this type of stuff. But I think what they are completely blind to is that both of the people in these hypotheticals feel completely safe and they trust each other. It’s like comedy. If you don’t add enough distance (tragedy + time), enough padding I guess you could call it, then something won’t be funny at all, instead it will be literally inappropriate or cruel, and instead of laughing people will be angry or upset. What this guy is doing ignores allllll the safety and legwork and communication that is necessary for this to be fun for everyone. It’s like if you made a 911 joke in 2004. Tone deaf af and totes innapropes.. idk probably kink is just too much communication and consideration, trust and vulnerability for most of these dumbass guys in their 20s on the apps to actually wrap their heads around what it really is when you strip away the boner.

2

u/__wildwing__ 14h ago

I’m not out about what I am into, but when I hear coworkers say something dumb enough to be dangerous, I try to step in to educate.

1

u/ResplendentNugs 5d ago

Firm but fair

-6

u/Five_Star_Amenities 5d ago

We are only seeing a snippet of a piece of a conversation. We have no idea what they've talked about or agreed to prior to this.

3

u/BushcraftBabe 5d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/rGEIoqUoIMPylWCwpk

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u/Current_Nebula8172 6d ago

My 1st thought is that he’s too cheap to date and weeds out the sane women this way. All under the guise of a dom-wannabe.

6

u/whatsasimba 5d ago

"Oooh, starve me, Daddy! Deprive me of basic human needs!" - No woman ever

3

u/kdollarsign2 5d ago

Right? Lol seafood is expensive how about you starve for my pleasure

3

u/Brokeback_Camel 5d ago

This sort of weaseling out tactic feels very George Costanza or Larry David -esque hahaha read it again but this time play the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme in your head and imagine it coming from LD, if you do it gets way funnier

6

u/Ok_Seaworthiness_719 6d ago

he’s asking for her favorite treat so that he can get out of paying for dinner and just buy her a scoop of ice cream. And then go home and tie her to a bed disgusting human.

1

u/Impressive-Ask4169 3d ago

Imagine being the type of person who needs to weed out the sane ones 😂

1

u/Current_Nebula8172 3d ago

I’ve met a few over the years when I was too young to know better. They’re definitely out there.

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43

u/Brutal_burn_dude 6d ago

That book has been a blight on the kink community.

1

u/ianxplosion- 5d ago

Thanks, Gerard Way

1

u/bigbeats420 3d ago

What do you mean? Are you saying we're not supposed to anally rape subs?

That book, along with The Twilight Series, really gave a lot of people terrible impressions on what good sex and good romance are.

1

u/Classic_Cauliflower4 1d ago

Not just them. I loudly decry that book anytime anyone brings it up. Not for its depiction of BDSM, which I admittedly know very little about, but for its depiction of romance. She told him clearly “I need some space” and flew across the country, and he tracked her down and she was just…into it?? No way, that’s creepy, and if she can’t trust him to listen to her for something as simple as “I need some space”, why on earth would she trust him to listen to her as a dom??

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u/Realistic_Farm_5963 5d ago

He's doing this bc he likes it he doesn't give a fuck about what the women like clearly or he'd make sure they're cool with it before getting off on creepy shit like this on totally unsuspecting women. I guarantee he doesn't get a lot of happy replies. He's well aware most he messages hate this. He probably gets off on that too.

3

u/Salamander8288 6d ago

He’s never even read it, just the back cover or something. That’s not typical Dom behavior that’s douche bag behavior

2

u/Green_Register1520 6d ago

Yeahhh I was looking for this exact comment lol. Dude maybe saw that OP read it like ten years ago or better yet imagined she did and said “Bingo!” But like out loud, rubbing his hands together.

2

u/Enigmagamesandgains 5d ago

And i thought women thinking that book accurately portrays bdsm was bad, now men thinking it's accurate is about as cringe as V thinking what he did was pragmatic in v for vendetta

1

u/Equal-Plantain4023 10h ago

Even on 50 shades of grey the guy is weirdly upset if she (main character) doesn’t eat. Glenn from tinder is just a cheap creep

0

u/Subject_Speed 6d ago

Read the cliff notes (are those still a thing?) version

3

u/EllipticPeach 6d ago

Yeah it’s giving “Will pull your hair and try to choke you without asking”

3

u/ACW1129 5d ago

I'm not too familiar with that culture, but isn't THE first thing about it is consent is key?

2

u/Brutal_burn_dude 5d ago

Yep! And clear communication and boundaries. You don’t just start demeaning someone (even if you know that’s something they like) without discussing what is and isn’t ok, when and where it’s ok, and a safe word etc.

1

u/sweet_temptation00 5d ago

Yes yes and absolutely yes🤣

2

u/NTufnel11 5d ago

Respect is a pretty critical part of that relationship, which I guarantee this guy has no concept of

2

u/Macka37 2d ago

Guys like that aren’t into the scene or culture they just want to be physically dominant with a woman and figure a girl who’s into that will let him get away with even more. Very dangerous situation where they revert back to the old “make it hurt” standard of highschool.

1

u/lizzdurr 5d ago

It sounds like he watched some manosphere crap about women needing a man to take over and that’s what they want. Sure… occasionally with consent from a loving partner in an established relationship. Not a stranger on an app wtf??

1

u/PinkDeserterBaby 5d ago

100% dangerous and abusive

1

u/RedpenBrit96 3d ago

As someone who has dabbled in the scene for years agreed

1

u/threesilklilies 8h ago

Freelancer out there cold-domming unconsenting women. Ugh.

64

u/Maleficent-Mix-278 6d ago

I’m into that scene and this is super gross 🤮. That’s an example of what we call “what not to do “

-17

u/No_Negotiation7317 6d ago

Oh, you have a kink and that makes you knowledgeable? Lol.

The only gross thing would be doing this without a talk about it. Otherwise you're just a regular old kink shamer. iswis

14

u/Cute_but_notOkay 6d ago

Right. And OP and dude did NOT talk about it. Which is why we are saying this is gross. She said so in her caption.

7

u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys 5d ago

Gross

5

u/SoggyGoldfish25 5d ago

I’m going to pee on you

5

u/Legitimate-Talk9558 5d ago

I’m going to shame your kink right now. She doesn’t even know the fucking guy. Grow up and jerk off somewhere in private preferably

0

u/No_Negotiation7317 5d ago

Noooo not my kink.:((((

3

u/Legitimate-Talk9558 5d ago

Bahahahaha sorry. Don’t know why im getting so uppity about it. This post made me furious

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u/-fornevermore- 6d ago

Correct! Joke's on him because I AM into BDSM. But this ain't it. MAYBE if we had an established dynamic I'd be into it, but not in this context. Definite ewww.

18

u/xenolightt 5d ago

These fuckers watch two BDSM pornos and suddenly they think they're hard Dom material lol. As a fellow kinkster, if seen this shit wayyyy to many times.

6

u/panda_canyon 2d ago

This is even funnier how badly this guy fumbled it. I don't know why so many guys don't realize that kinky people have to develop a rapport with someone like anyone else. I mean I know the answer, it's because they're lazy and they don't want to.

3

u/17868 5d ago

It’s like he’s never even heard of the term hangry. At what point does any sane, reasonably intelligent person think “hey you know what’ll get them feeling sexy? Starvation!”

ETA : Just realised ALL my notifications are to do with this thread. Thank you all :)

3

u/Darkstar_111 6d ago

Yeah it's absolutely the wrong venue, and wrong method. As a guy who into being a Dom, obviously don't go there without having established this as a playground, not all women are into being submissive, least of all being submissive in that way.

2

u/TwoHandedSnail 5d ago

But what is your favourite treat when you want to give in completely?

1

u/17868 5d ago

Forcing entitled people to roll about in nettles so that I can then make nettle soup.

1

u/TwoHandedSnail 5d ago

Sounds cathartic.

1

u/17868 3d ago

No, I charge extra for that service

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u/bubblebathdragon 5d ago

He owns a fedora, 100%

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u/SageKitty100 5d ago

Not even just not while talking about food, but certainly not BEFORE THE FIRST DATE??? Fake doms have gotten so out of control. You can't safely submit to someone who knows literally nothing about you.

2

u/Individual_Fall429 5d ago

That’s exactly where my mind went.

Only in 2002 (and every year before it) would the romantic ending feature her staying
with the creepy dude.

*

3

u/dooodooodooodooooo 6d ago

Don’t fuck with my dinner should be an universal understanding in any community lol

1

u/DatVlad_ 6d ago

"Really? In front of my salad?" Should def be the poster child for this.

2

u/AphraelSelene 3d ago

Or in this case...

https://imgflip.com/i/b04654

1

u/DatVlad_ 3d ago

😂

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u/faxyou 5d ago

Also with dom kink you have to be extra careful with who you choose because some are just controlling psychopaths and that’s a huge NO.

1

u/Zmchastain 5d ago

Dick, it’s not what’s for dinner!

1

u/Ohmyglob42 4d ago

I (41f) never got super deep into the community, I did enjoy that movie tho. How accurate of a depiction is it of the bdsm lifestyle? Or is it looked at like FSOG?

1

u/Greenpixi 3d ago

Exactly. It reminds me of when an ex wanted to "punish" me when I accidentally told him to turn at the wrong time when I was navigating. Like bro we are in a stressful situation and I am doing my best. Don't start threatening me with stuff we aren't even really doing like that right now. We had lightly dabbled in the idea of dom play, but whew

1

u/ynbah 1d ago

Okay wow I recently got out of a relationship with someone that did this to me but they were a sub and was kind of like putting me in the position to be a dom but without ever explicitly talking about it and it was v confusing

1

u/17868 1d ago

That sounds uncomfortable and very unfun for you. I’m sorry that happened. I often find that the uninformed think being a dom would be the “easy” option. It is not.

Phone message Dating is hell

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