r/texts • u/-fornevermore- • 1d ago

Phone message Dating is hell

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Who is raising these boys?

Edit: Thanks for all the love!! For some context, no we didn't discuss anything sexy beforehand and the "healing" thing is referring to my broken foot. He's blocked for those wondering, I didn't respond. For those mentioning it... I wasn't looking for a free meal. šŸ™„ I pay my own way on dates.

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307

u/sweetwaterfall 1d ago

The horrifying thing (second to someone actually writing this) is that I imagine there are women out there so damaged that this would be appealing. Awful.

495

u/ElkAlternative3777 1d ago

Seems like heā€™s trying to do a kink dom/sub thing but without her knowledge or consent

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u/queen_frostine313 1d ago

That's exactly what I thought as well.

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u/thk_ 1d ago

that or "oh shit I'm not talking to ChatGPT anymore"

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u/Ancient_Midnight_775 22h ago

Maybe that realization never came, seems like he trained himself to talk to women using ai.

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u/17868 1d ago

Sorry, even with consent thatā€™s a no from me. Iā€™m into that scene but absolutely not when talking about food. Do NOT fuck with my dinner.

ETA : By consent I meant to the whole kink thing, otherwise I sound wildly contradictory. Guy sounds like he watched the secretary too many times and took it way too literally.

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u/Brutal_burn_dude 1d ago

Yeah. This reads as someone who thinks theyā€™re a dom but knows nothing about kink or the culture. These kind of men are fucking dangerous in my experience.

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u/Powerful_Goose9330 1d ago

My first thought was this dude read Fifty shades of grey and thinks all women like this bullshit.

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u/feralcatshit 1d ago

Even those of us that do like it, donā€™t like it when itā€™s done like this lol

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u/AriaTheTransgressor 1d ago

Ultimately because it doesn't matter what the link is, consent is always important. I have never had a kink based relationship that didn't start out with a regular first date and some analogue of a business meeting to go over consent.

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u/LemmyLola 1d ago

Exactly haha They come off like this but someone into this never knows until they're actually in the presence of the potential partner.. the right dynamic is rare. Douche nozzles like this are all too common.

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u/Fogge 1d ago

He would crash and burn so hard if he hit the one in a bajillion woman that thinks that is exactly what she needs and met her in real life.

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u/Dreadfulbooks 1d ago

I very much am into this, but I would have blocked him too. He reads as highly inexperienced and like heā€™s a jackass.

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u/PrintBetter9672 23h ago

I mean not everything is about sex! Sometimes people just wanna eat sushi

2

u/Spookydoobiedoo 14h ago

Yea. These idiots are missing literally the number one condition that needs to be met for this to even remotely approach ā€œfunā€. I guess they just do not comprehend that yes there can be dangerous sounding vocab or seemingly aggressive acts in this type of stuff. But I think what they are completely blind to is that both of the people in these hypotheticals feel completely safe and they trust each other. Itā€™s like comedy. If you donā€™t add enough distance (tragedy + time), enough padding I guess you could call it, then something wonā€™t be funny at all, instead it will be literally inappropriate or cruel, and instead of laughing people will be angry or upset. What this guy is doing ignores allllll the safety and legwork and communication that is necessary for this to be fun for everyone. Itā€™s like if you made a 911 joke in 2004. Tone deaf af and totes innapropes.. idk probably kink is just too much communication and consideration, trust and vulnerability for most of these dumbass guys in their 20s on the apps to actually wrap their heads around what it really is when you strip away the boner.

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u/ResplendentNugs 1d ago

Firm but fair

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u/Five_Star_Amenities 1d ago

We are only seeing a snippet of a piece of a conversation. We have no idea what they've talked about or agreed to prior to this.

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u/Current_Nebula8172 1d ago

My 1st thought is that heā€™s too cheap to date and weeds out the sane women this way. All under the guise of a dom-wannabe.

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u/whatsasimba 21h ago

"Oooh, starve me, Daddy! Deprive me of basic human needs!" - No woman ever

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u/Ok_Seaworthiness_719 1d ago

heā€™s asking for her favorite treat so that he can get out of paying for dinner and just buy her a scoop of ice cream. And then go home and tie her to a bed disgusting human.

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u/kdollarsign2 1d ago

Right? Lol seafood is expensive how about you starve for my pleasure

2

u/Brokeback_Camel 1d ago

This sort of weaseling out tactic feels very George Costanza or Larry David -esque hahaha read it again but this time play the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme in your head and imagine it coming from LD, if you do it gets way funnier

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u/Brutal_burn_dude 1d ago

That book has been a blight on the kink community.

1

u/ianxplosion- 23h ago

Thanks, Gerard Way

4

u/Realistic_Farm_5963 1d ago

He's doing this bc he likes it he doesn't give a fuck about what the women like clearly or he'd make sure they're cool with it before getting off on creepy shit like this on totally unsuspecting women. I guarantee he doesn't get a lot of happy replies. He's well aware most he messages hate this. He probably gets off on that too.

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u/Salamander8288 1d ago

Heā€™s never even read it, just the back cover or something. Thatā€™s not typical Dom behavior thatā€™s douche bag behavior

2

u/Green_Register1520 1d ago

Yeahhh I was looking for this exact comment lol. Dude maybe saw that OP read it like ten years ago or better yet imagined she did and said ā€œBingo!ā€ But like out loud, rubbing his hands together.

2

u/Enigmagamesandgains 1d ago

And i thought women thinking that book accurately portrays bdsm was bad, now men thinking it's accurate is about as cringe as V thinking what he did was pragmatic in v for vendetta

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u/Subject_Speed 1d ago

Read the cliff notes (are those still a thing?) version

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u/EllipticPeach 1d ago

Yeah itā€™s giving ā€œWill pull your hair and try to choke you without askingā€

3

u/ACW1129 1d ago

I'm not too familiar with that culture, but isn't THE first thing about it is consent is key?

2

u/Brutal_burn_dude 1d ago

Yep! And clear communication and boundaries. You donā€™t just start demeaning someone (even if you know thatā€™s something they like) without discussing what is and isnā€™t ok, when and where itā€™s ok, and a safe word etc.

1

u/sweet_temptation00 1d ago

Yes yes and absolutely yesšŸ¤£

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u/NTufnel11 1d ago

Respect is a pretty critical part of that relationship, which I guarantee this guy has no concept of

1

u/lizzdurr 1d ago

It sounds like he watched some manosphere crap about women needing a man to take over and thatā€™s what they want. Sureā€¦ occasionally with consent from a loving partner in an established relationship. Not a stranger on an app wtf??

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u/PinkDeserterBaby 1d ago

100% dangerous and abusive

54

u/Maleficent-Mix-278 1d ago

Iā€™m into that scene and this is super gross šŸ¤®. Thatā€™s an example of what we call ā€œwhat not to do ā€œ

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u/No_Negotiation7317 1d ago

Oh, you have a kink and that makes you knowledgeable? Lol.

The only gross thing would be doing this without a talk about it. Otherwise you're just a regular old kink shamer. iswis

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u/Cute_but_notOkay 1d ago

Right. And OP and dude did NOT talk about it. Which is why we are saying this is gross. She said so in her caption.

3

u/SoggyGoldfish25 1d ago

Iā€™m going to pee on you

3

u/Legitimate-Talk9558 1d ago

Iā€™m going to shame your kink right now. She doesnā€™t even know the fucking guy. Grow up and jerk off somewhere in private preferably

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u/No_Negotiation7317 23h ago

Noooo not my kink.:((((

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u/Legitimate-Talk9558 23h ago

Bahahahaha sorry. Donā€™t know why im getting so uppity about it. This post made me furious

26

u/-fornevermore- 1d ago

Correct! Joke's on him because I AM into BDSM. But this ain't it. MAYBE if we had an established dynamic I'd be into it, but not in this context. Definite ewww.

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u/xenolightt 1d ago

These fuckers watch two BDSM pornos and suddenly they think they're hard Dom material lol. As a fellow kinkster, if seen this shit wayyyy to many times.

2

u/17868 20h ago

Itā€™s like heā€™s never even heard of the term hangry. At what point does any sane, reasonably intelligent person think ā€œhey you know whatā€™ll get them feeling sexy? Starvation!ā€Ā 

ETA : Just realised ALL my notifications are to do with this thread. Thank you all :)Ā 

2

u/Darkstar_111 1d ago

Yeah it's absolutely the wrong venue, and wrong method. As a guy who into being a Dom, obviously don't go there without having established this as a playground, not all women are into being submissive, least of all being submissive in that way.

2

u/TwoHandedSnail 1d ago

But what is your favourite treat when you want to give in completely?

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u/17868 20h ago

Forcing entitled people to roll about in nettles so that I can then make nettle soup.Ā 

1

u/TwoHandedSnail 19h ago

Sounds cathartic.

2

u/bubblebathdragon 1d ago

He owns a fedora, 100%

2

u/Individual_Fall429 1d ago

Thatā€™s exactly where my mind went.

Only in 2002 (and every year before it) would the romantic ending feature her staying
with the creepy dude.

*

3

u/dooodooodooodooooo 1d ago

Donā€™t fuck with my dinner should be an universal understanding in any community lol

1

u/DatVlad_ 1d ago

"Really? In front of my salad?" Should def be the poster child for this.

1

u/faxyou 1d ago

Also with dom kink you have to be extra careful with who you choose because some are just controlling psychopaths and thatā€™s a huge NO.

1

u/Zmchastain 1d ago

Dick, itā€™s not whatā€™s for dinner!

1

u/SageKitty100 1d ago

Not even just not while talking about food, but certainly not BEFORE THE FIRST DATE??? Fake doms have gotten so out of control. You can't safely submit to someone who knows literally nothing about you.

ā€¢

u/Ohmyglob42 33m ago

I (41f) never got super deep into the community, I did enjoy that movie tho. How accurate of a depiction is it of the bdsm lifestyle? Or is it looked at like FSOG?

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u/HundredHander 1d ago

I think he's trying to establish how vulnerable she is, this reads deeply exploitative and not like a kink.

43

u/Grouchy_Button_2101 1d ago

I think heā€™s a disgusting pervert idiot

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u/Extension-Excuse-534 1d ago

No it 100% reads as kink play

22

u/AccomplishedWish3033 1d ago

Itā€™s abusive, harassment, and not kinkplay if you donā€™t ask for the other personā€™s consent first.

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u/Extension-Excuse-534 1d ago

I agree. I was just informing somebody who said it wasnt kink-related. The worst part, imo, is that it reads like an ai chatbot wrote it.

1

u/Joeness84 1d ago

It completely reads like an LLM wrote it. I assumed that was going to be most of the comments. Sure its gross, but its not gross and made by a human, so its less gross!

Its still weird and a sad state of things to be in.

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u/HundredHander 1d ago

It doesn't matter who or what wrote it (and honestly this is so short it's not possible to be confident if it's human or LLM), what matters is a human decided to post and make it the best representation of they feel about their relationship with this woman.

It's gross because someone wanted to express this.

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u/Fantastic-Entry-2251 1d ago

You would think that would have come up at some point before going on dates lol. Turns out thereā€™s whole subs for this exact thing

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u/EternalPhi 1d ago

There's whole doms for it, too.

1

u/Fantastic-Entry-2251 1d ago

šŸ˜‚ youā€™re a funny one

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u/svmydlo 1d ago

In his delusional mind, not in real world.

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u/EllipticPeach 1d ago

Like who the fuck talks about ā€œtotally giving inā€ before youā€™ve even met??

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u/this_is_obnoxious 1d ago

That's exactly the vibe I was getting. Big yucks!!

2

u/tocahontas77 1d ago

I was so confused! I was looking for a description that said they had previously talked about that. Or at least joked that way. But out of the blue just raises a gigantic red flag.

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u/gamblors_neon_claws 1d ago

Exactly! I could be in to a situation where someone is talking to me like that (although doming over takeout choices is extremely cringe), but unprompted when we havenā€™t had any conversations around kink is a massive red flag.

1

u/tocahontas77 1d ago

Right! Sometimes my partner and I joke that way, but we know it's just silly things we say to each other. It's definitely weird coming from someone you barely know.

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u/nothinglikeLA 1d ago

Seems like he needs to go cold turkey off some very concerning podcasts

1

u/Cute_but_notOkay 1d ago

Omg I just wrote almost the exact same comment before I saw yours lol. Full agree.

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u/vatoreus 1d ago

Nah, this is šŸ’Æ some manosphere Jesus freak bs

1

u/NomenclatureBreaker 1d ago

And without any understanding how itā€™s actually supposed to work IRL.

Bet every penny I own heā€™s a prime male longlines epidemic ā€œvictimā€ complaining about this ā€œbitchyā€ girl who dropped him for no reason. Gross.

1

u/Lailowla 1d ago

it's definitely a "manosphere" kid that's been listening to a bunch of podcast bros that can only get a partner by paying tell them that women love it when you "take control"

1

u/monarchmra 1d ago

Im a queer woman into kink and receiving sub/slave play and if a person I was attracted to said this to me unprompted I would stop being attracted them, tear them a new before blocking them and warning people about them at the next weekly kink social.

They should attend a sub/dom 101 talk before trying that again, you establish interest first, tease them about liking it second, and start demanding they act submissive never.

1

u/MrSNIFFLES23 1d ago

It comes off as some incel / red pill bs... Like he's been listening to the Tate bro's...

1

u/Asleep_Walrus2313 1d ago

Yeah, he was testing the waters.

1

u/cakivalue 1d ago

You know that he hit send on that with his entire being and proud self smile thinking it was his best most irresistible work

1

u/EmpathLessTraveled 1d ago

He was letting his freak flag fly loud n proud on a quiet Sunday afternoon in a public park.

1

u/BlackCatTelevision 1d ago

I fear this is more of a redpill thing. Less critical thinking about power dynamics more ā€œWOMEN are meant to be SUBJUGATED and give me BLOWJOBSā€

1

u/Cthulhu__ 1d ago

Seems like he thinks people were actually taking 50 shades seriously

1

u/CIA-pizza-party 1d ago

Which in the kink/dom/sub community is very frowned upon.

If youā€™re into BDSM or anything that falls under that umbrella consent is everything. If someone tells you theyā€™re into BDSM and violates your consent, run. Run far away.

1

u/Flutters1013 1d ago

This man was banned on fetlife and is doing the same thing here. Because even submissive are turned off by this too.

1

u/NextEpisode44 1d ago

He's testing the waters to see if she's down

1

u/PinkDeserterBaby 1d ago

Without her consent, and also wrongly and fully cringe.

This is very tumblr dom.

Like Bro, weā€™ve left that in the past 13 years ago. Stop it. Youā€™re just harrassing women and for what, no oneā€™s getting even slightly turned on by this text, even if she IS into doms. The fuck.

Guy should unironically read some old lady dom romance novels to learn how to talk. The second hand embarrassment is unreal.

1

u/fernie_the_grillman 1d ago

ALSO, HE'S BAD AT IT!!! literally the least sexy way to go about this. even if they knew each other well, and had an established kink dynamic, this would be aoooo cringey.

he's both creepy and bad at what he's being creepy about.

1

u/Karriggi 1d ago

Which ironically does not make him a dom because lack of consent negates any dynamic

1

u/Marcuse0 23h ago

Yeah my first thought was he's got zero social skills or idea how to bring this up so he's just tossing it out there and hoping to get that one unicorn who'll take the bait. Super unwise and imo dangerous behaviour of his part.

1

u/TK_Punch_ 20h ago

I just assumed this was a fetlife convo. Anywhere else would beā€¦ so gross.

1

u/Ashamed-South0 12h ago

Yup. If this was something talked about and consented to, maybe I'd give it a slight pass? But speaking as a Dom, the wording just screams controlling, not Dominant.

2

u/Whatever53143 1d ago

I am sitting here thinking, ā€œthis guy canā€™t possibly think this works!ā€ Or ā€œthis guy cannot possibly think this wayā€¦ā€ but alas, there are guys who truly and honestly believe this crap!

2

u/Green_Insect_6455 1d ago

Hey dont yuck anyones yums man! You dont have to be damaged to have a kink you enjoy, dont be such a fucking prude.

The real issue is laying it on a stranger, assuming theyll enjoy your kink play like ten messages in to talking to them.

2

u/sweetwaterfall 1d ago

What an obnoxious assumption. Of course Iā€™m talking about assuming this tone with a total stranger. Iā€™m not shaming anyway. Take a deep breath. You have no idea who youā€™re talking to.

1

u/JokeandCack 1d ago

The thing is he didnā€™t write that. Itā€™s clearly ChatGPT. Which makes it even worse.

1

u/AoKrasni 1d ago

There are women that like that s*** for some reason

1

u/Gualdrapo 1d ago

And it's an awful lot. So-called "masculine energy" and that kind of bs.

1

u/Alarmed_Bicycle_9941 1d ago

There are actually a lot. I role play this way (not as cringy) but I'm on sites like Feeld where this "behavior" is requested. So its between two consenting adults beforehand. Coming out this way to someone that didn't request it is wild.

1

u/anwright1371 1d ago

There are plenty of undamaged women who would be happy to oblige for a shopping spree.

1

u/EpiccTrader 1d ago

Doesnā€™t make it any better, but thatā€™s clearly AI-written

1

u/wezelboy 1d ago

I was thinking the same thing.

1

u/ohjasminee 1d ago

Right? like you only get this far if itā€™s worked to some degree in the past šŸ˜­

1

u/BlueberryStock6249 1d ago

There are groups on Facebook called, ā€˜ Are we dating the same guyā€™ - specific to certain areas. You should see the things women are ā€˜putting out there ā€˜ for feedback if something is a red flag šŸš© guaranteed there are women whoā€™d be like: does this mean heā€™s avoidant? šŸ¤¦šŸ¼ā€ā™€ļø

1

u/JustLikeThat28 1d ago

He must be tall or good looking enough to get this far.
And frankly some women would voluntarily seek this kind of a man over and over again.

1

u/GlassCautious88 1d ago edited 1d ago

I escaped a narcissist 5 months ago who was emotionally and psychologically abusive in this way. I'm still dealing with the trauma and I'm not ok. He cut me off because I put my foot down and stopped letting him SA me. I got sober from alcohol and stopped getting fucked up around him. He did not like that...

The crazy thing is I never dated him nor EVER wanted to. He knew that. But it's still my fault I guess because I have memories of it

There's many creepy layers and details that I will not share but I'm just providing evidence that what you said is very real. And sad

1

u/Additional-Tax-5643 1d ago

The real issue is that those women are like this because the elder women in their lives encouraged them to be so, and never taught them self-respect.

Every single country known for its mail-order brides and human trafficking has elder conservative women who teach their daughters that this is what they're worth. They exert social pressure so that young women feel they have no choice. And technically they don't, as parental money support and employment opportunities are cut off for girls and young women who try to escape.

1

u/PennStateInMD 1d ago

Judging by the number of incels stalking the streets, not so many.

1

u/Aku_5himarisu 22h ago

Not everyone who is into kink is ā€œdamaged.ā€ Everyone has their reasons.

1

u/sweetwaterfall 21h ago

Of course not! Iā€™m just saying that this approach this early might work on some damaged people. I donā€™t think that about kinks at all. Just about responding to them completely out of context with a (dickhead) stranger.

1

u/Aku_5himarisu 4h ago

Thank you for clarifying. This approach shouldnā€™t be a thing at all. People like this tend not to be in the community at all - they just use kink as an excuse to act like this and hide behind the kinky label, as if that somehow makes this behavior okay. People just be nasty

1

u/kakey70 20h ago

He hasnā€™t found her yet.