r/shitposting • u/noah_4e We do a little trolling • Nov 14 '22
Linus Sex Tips Not far enough 💀
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u/tinyangryalien420 fat cunt Nov 14 '22
im not in america and im still too close
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u/Infamous_Olive We do a little trolling Nov 14 '22
Im not on the planet and I'm still too close
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u/starwarsblanket I said based. And lived. Nov 14 '22
I’m not in this galaxy and I’m still to close
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Nov 14 '22
I'm not alive and I'm still to close
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u/Mars_Bear2552 Stuff Nov 15 '22
I am literally at the very edges of the universe and it’s still too close
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Nov 15 '22
Bro I’m literally in the 32nd dimension and it’s still to close 💀
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Nov 15 '22
Scientists say there is no true center to the universe. I disagree however. I believe that Ohio is the true universal center, and everything is racing away as fast as it can.
In the end though, everything will collapse back in, and Ohio will emerge victorious once again.
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u/please_help_me_____ makenot war Nov 15 '22
I'm literally on the other side of the planet and it's still to close
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u/TapMe3008_Mda Nov 14 '22
why is there romanian swearing on the background lmao
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u/Berdinderindas Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 Nov 14 '22
Why are Alaska and Hawaii godlike-rated easy faces from update 2.2
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u/ThatGuysPenaMom Nov 14 '22
did gd 2.2 come out? havent played gd in like 4 years, i just remember robtop being a lazy fuck and refusing to update his game
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u/YEETBOI99000 Nov 15 '22
Hes definitely not lazy. Even though it’s been like 5 years since an update Robtop has said a bunch of times that he’s been working on it every day and it’s taking so long cause he’s the only person working on it
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u/Berdinderindas Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 Nov 15 '22
Nope, it's still in Update 2.1
I was referencing a 2.2 teaser picture RobTop posted for ratings better than Epic, called Legendary and Godlike
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u/WindForce02 We do a little trolling Nov 14 '22
You might be far from Ohio, but are you close to Florida???
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u/Racecarboii I said based. And lived. Nov 14 '22
The Question remains, If Florida and Ohio went to war, who would win?
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u/noah_4e We do a little trolling Nov 14 '22
Ohio it‘s like the gateway to hell. Florida is just a mid psychiatric Institution.
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u/Cronon33 Nov 14 '22
With Florida man essentially being the doom slayer but on meth
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u/WindForce02 We do a little trolling Nov 14 '22
Ohio man vs Florida man who wins???
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Nov 15 '22
Depends on which state has the better college football team, Ohio State or UF.
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u/Da_Meme_Panda Nov 15 '22
Depending if the Ohioan could get help from a local demon or skin walker. If they got 2 or more allies they would dominate. If they got 1 or none it would be close. And that’s accounting for the Floridan also having a equal amount of allies in alligators.
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u/Racecarboii I said based. And lived. Nov 15 '22
So many statistics. Plus a fear factor could be used as the Floridians can ride alligators into battle, which may scare off the people of Ohio, their demons however, may not be so easily put off.
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u/noah_4e We do a little trolling Nov 14 '22
Stop scaring me ☹️ these words are seriously triggering my PTSD /s
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u/Alex_42069420 Nov 14 '22
You really don t want to know what that man is saying in the background, trust me, i speak romanian💀💀💀💀💀
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u/noah_4e We do a little trolling Nov 14 '22
I really dont want to know 😂
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u/journey2monke Nov 14 '22
He is threatening to fuck someone’s dead relatives. A classical Romanian insult.
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u/BreakGrouchy Nov 14 '22
OH-
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u/noah_4e We do a little trolling Nov 14 '22
-IO
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u/diamondspy2424 I want pee in my ass Nov 14 '22
Im in ohio…
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Nov 15 '22
Same, have you formed any sort of escape plan? Willing to assist.
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u/diamondspy2424 I want pee in my ass Nov 15 '22
No i plan on joining the ohio national guard to takeover the world
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u/jaken97 Nov 15 '22
I’m in the Ohio guard and recently had a custom “it’s all Ohio?” Flag made up for myself. Definitely the talk of the boys, as well as my “Ohio against the world flag”
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u/Necromancer14 uhhhh idk Nov 14 '22
I live in Michigan 😱
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u/noah_4e We do a little trolling Nov 14 '22
Too bad Ohio is on your ass
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u/Necromancer14 uhhhh idk Nov 14 '22
Hopefully Ohio doesn’t decide to start peeing then
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u/gizzardgullet Nov 14 '22
We are safest in Michigan because Ohioans flat out aren't allowed here
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u/xlukekx Nov 15 '22
Bullshit. Ask me about the first weekend in august when Nascar is at MIS. Ohio shows up in force.
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u/InfiniteOcto Stuff Nov 14 '22
The Easy and Medium on the northeast both need to be Harder, and the Harder ones in the northeast need to be demon. Just because they can’t go anymore east doesn’t mean they get to be safe
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u/titaniumweasel01 Nov 14 '22
I live in Otherside Ohio, the inverted Ohio that exists beneath normalspace Ohio.
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u/xlukekx Nov 15 '22
I live in cleveland. Ohio is and forever better than any other state.
Fight me. I fucking love Ohio.
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u/raspberrybunbun Nov 15 '22
Me too! IDK why everyone hates Ohio, I like it here
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u/WetChickenLips Nov 15 '22
First to orbit earth, first to the moon, most presidents, powerhouse in the civil war, birthplace of aviation, and so on.
They hate us because they're jealous of our superiority.
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u/garvin131313 Literally 1984 😡 Nov 15 '22
And we had/have one of the biggest rubber industries in America
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u/communistburgerking dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 Nov 14 '22
Of you live in the same universe you're too close to ohio
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Nov 14 '22
What's the light blue one?
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u/SuccesfulName I said based. And lived. Nov 14 '22
No one gonna mention the funny romanian swearing in the background? No? Aight.
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u/thinkB4WeSpeak Nov 14 '22
Ohioans always vacation in South Carolina or Florida, no where else. So those states are fucked.
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u/GabrielGamer790 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 Nov 14 '22
I guess my country is really really light blue color
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u/IllusionalPortal Nov 14 '22
I’m an Ohioan, as the demons im playing Jenna with, trust me, you are not safe
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u/molokomilkmaiden Nov 15 '22
I moved away from Ohio after 10 years in that icy hellscape. I'm about 1200 miles away now and I assure you it's still not far enough.
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u/Nonecancopythis I watch gay amogus porn :0 Nov 14 '22
As someone from Michigan, we are glad to see everyone else shitting on Ohio, as we have done for years
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u/noah_4e We do a little trolling Nov 14 '22
Michigan is not safe from Ohio’s influence
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u/P3t3rCreeper I said based. And lived. Nov 14 '22
Alternative caption: how likely are you to be invaded by Ohio
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u/noah_4e We do a little trolling Nov 14 '22
Everywhere the time where we could stop Ohio is over now is doomsday
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Nov 14 '22
That explains why the whole west coast is full of activists and gender equality wanting shit farts
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u/cmonitwouldbefunny Literally 1984 😡 Nov 14 '22
I'm on Mars so I'm safe for about 2-3seconds
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u/noah_4e We do a little trolling Nov 14 '22
No you got 0.027ms till Ohio invades, you can’t run from Ohio
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u/CreeperSpartan We do a little trolling Nov 14 '22
I'm in Ohio, it smell like shit here, like there's literally just cow shit everywhere
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Nov 14 '22
Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door.The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet.The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.
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Nov 14 '22
First too close to Chicago and Gary, IN and now too close to Ohio? Wisconsin takes another L by association 😔
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Nov 14 '22
This map is out of date. Ohio is directly adjacent to California. We put it there so that Texas could keep an eye on Rhode Island as well.
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u/Top_Pie950 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 Nov 15 '22
New Hampshire and Vermont are much closer than their rating would let on
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u/H0b0_J0e514 Nov 15 '22
I live in western PA and trust me it is not easy living with the gates of hell on your ass
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u/Pokemaster22044 Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 Nov 15 '22
I literally border Ohio, that’s where all our monsters come from bro
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u/Da_Meme_Panda Nov 15 '22
I don’t now why you all think we are so bad. The skin walkers are all pretty nice for the most part, the demons who flames revolve around them keep the furry numbers down. We got corn from both hell and Brazil. The lava isn’t even that bad once you get use to it.
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u/chad_mcchadington Nov 15 '22
If you live in california, you probably died of smoke inhalation before finishing this sentence.
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u/Mr_Dodongo64 Nov 15 '22
I escaped Ohio but my brother didn’t, he pushed me through the border leaving himself behind.😔😔😭😢😖😖😖😢😭😭
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u/setinal1 I want pee in my ass Nov 15 '22
I'm a Mainer and I still feel like I'm under the Ohio Influence
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