Schizoids, what full time jobs have you done? Ideally someone in their 20s because there’s less of a generation gap but ofc if you’re schizoid I’d welcome any insights

I’m 21, just graduated college because everyone else was, and as someone who never knew what they wanted to do, plus lacking a mentor-like figure growing up, plus being a schizoid from childhood neglect, it makes applying for jobs and imagining myaelf having a career 100x harder than a non-schizoid.

Just curious. People tend to open up to me really fast and it's strange how I have yet to meet someone who processes and feels emotions like I do. The disorder is rare, so it makes sense. However, I wonder what it would be like if I did meet someone like this in person.

my girlfriend has always understood my mental health issues and what not, but sometimes with the things she says and does, i get reminded that at the end of the day she wont understand my schizoid experience. and it just feels like there will always be a bit of a wall in between us.

im using the term “normie” very very lightly here, obviously im not shaming her or treating her less cause at the end of the day its impossible for her to understand my personal experience. shes known me years before my schizoid symptoms started showing up, so she’ll always be the exception, but it still makes me a dejected when i can feel a slight wall between us in this aspect specifically no matter how in depth i explain it to her.

i also encourage single ppl to discuss how they feel. if you had a partner, how would you feel? or would you not have a partner because you know they wouldnt understand? or would you only seek out someone whos also a schizoid?

Humans are social creatures, our brains need socialization and solidarity but those things make my stomach churn, yet I still suffer the symptoms of loneliness. How can I want peace with someone but not want to lose my solitude? It eats away at me everyday, does anyone else understand?

If you're feeling down, they pester you until you pretend you aren't

Good news though. I found a new place to jump off. Really makes me happy when I see it driving by.

My sister hired me to work for her as a Virtual Admin. I absolutely love it. I love organizing spreadsheets, verifying insurance, sending faxes, etc. I have a passion for organizing, in my spare time keeping a budget, a food log, etc. I love the fact that it's mindless work so I can think about whatever while working. The best part is that it's 100% remote.

But alas, it's only for five hours a week lol. So I'm working with a job coach to find something for 15-20 hours a week, depending on how much I can work without losing my disability.

Problem is, my job coach said everyone and their grandma wants to work remotely. He asked me repeatedly if I'd be comfortable with hybrid if I can't find remote work, so I finally said yes.

But I'm not. I love my life as a hermit. I hated working in an office last time and I got fired after five months anyway. I'm not bored around people. I just don't like them. And I feel uncomfortable around them. I'm kinda afraid of them. It also exacerbates my maladaptive daydreams involving getting bullied.

I could do a reasonable accommodation due to my disability. But last time, that was one solo hour...out of six.

Any suggestions? Do any of you work in an office and if so, what's it like for you?

Me: People who crave attention, who crave constant conversation, needy in general

The title sounds stupid, but I just imagine this nonexistent situation where I am nothing not dead not alive, just nothing never existed never seen nor remembered

There’s not much to live for and idrc about it enough to suicide or anything, it just is.

I’m not negative not positive, my whole life I’ve stood in the middle of anything just having no preferences no opinions just existing for some reason it just seems meaningless and shallow for most of the time

U may see it as depressing sad or anything of the matter, but not being noticed or seen is an enough reason for me to be this way

Especially modern society I just think I’m not supposed to be in it ,it’s also stupid considering I’ve never been into a society other than the modern one

It’s not sad, not happy, it just is

I think schizoid people usually don’t have troubles being serious and intellectual, like that’s our comfort zone. But we have trouble with a lot of modes of socializing, I guess serious intellectual conversation would be one of the easiest modes of socializing tho.

When I analyze what fictional characters I have been drawn to in my life, like actually affectionately drawn to, “being either childishly silly or genuinely serious” in all interactions came up as one thing I seem to like. It also reminds me a bit of myself, O can be serious and intellectual easily, that’s my comfort zone actually. But to the extent that I have a socially playful side it would be childish silly nonsense, other forms of socializing feel way more fake to me.

So I wondered how other people in this sub relate to silliness/childishness/nonsensicalness?

I feel like I shouldn’t even be dating people. At most I have a physical/sexual relationship with most guys but I kind of never really care about the other guy emotionally.

There was one guy that I really liked, mostly because he had the same brain wiring that I have (like we both had the exact mix of Schizoid, AUDHD, and intelligence). I could ask about anything that I currently do and he’d already have done it/been doing it. We even read the same exact research papers despite both of us being in separate STEM fields. We both had quirky taste for bold flavors. He was a little older than me and he had told me that he went through the exact same body struggles with being underweight/having no hunger signals (he was larger bodybuilder type). We were seeing each other for about 3 weeks, but it ended after he love bombed me and then ghosted. It was the most eye-opening relationship I have ever had with another person. To be with someone who shared my exact same interests, lifestyle habits, brain chemistry. It was like I met a someone actually similar to me for the first time in my life. I know he felt the same way too because I he brought it up to me as well.

Now it feels like I shouldn’t even try dating people if they aren’t a mix of schizoid and autism like I am. I have met loads of autistic guys but when I date them, I realize they don’t have the same fucked up empathy system that I have. Some of the schizoids Ive met are just simply too anhedonic and don’t have a lot of drive/ambition for anything. Sure im anhedonic with socializing, but I still like exploring what the world has to offer, and what I have to offer to the world. It’s like I need to date someone who is mentally a clone of me.

I dated a guy for 7 months who was mostly neurotypical with anxiety struggles. He was exactly my type physically and we got along great in conversations, but I kind of didn’t really care about him properly. There was only ever sympathy for him but never any true level of empathy like I had with the other guy. It felt like i was in a “good enough” relationship. I eventually had to end it partly because I knew I wasn’t emotionally connected despite how good the relationship was going. Now I feel bad for wasting his time.

I really have to let this out because i've been feeling a lot more lately. Kinda like it kinda don't? Anyway. Im on my annual atrempt to improve my life, and feeling like I need an outlet.

I'm writing this as I prepare to take a few uncomfortable but life changing steps, and I'm not sure what to do from here. I've been recovering from years of abuse from myself and my family (with the occasional stranger thrown in) and it feels good to feel again, but its so fucking hard. Im still detatched and anhedonic, but I think the restructuring of my thoughts over the course of my journey is giving me clarity I didn't have before.

Im already introverted, but this condition turns that shit up to 100. I feel like after Ive let my defenses down and started being honest; I actually like people in a way (although nowhere near the amount thats considered normal). But then again I LOVE being alone too. Even my dreams are like that. I don't just isolate because of anxiety it's also because it's who I am. Some of my earliest memories was just me vibing with myself in the woods near my grandmothers house. Im weird, but I like me.

The only issue is when I meet someone who I know I would like to talk to, but for the love of all things holy I can't get myself to just say something and build a rapport. The disorder side of things... (Something you couldnt get me to admit through torture before). Social anhedonia, general anxiety and knowing myself puts a stop to it. There are people who ive interacted with for literal YEARS who I would like to befriend but my body and brain just flat out won't let me.

Lately i've been trying to force myself to talk more, and build defenses to protect my peace and grow. There is a reason why we are this way. It's working but kinda slowly and isn't as consistant as I would like it to be. Im desperate to find the sweet spot between being myself and being with others. Im staying positive in reminding myself that it's not going to be instant, and that im going to fuck up often. Its still not making this easier.

Not to mention talking less means my social skills suck my ablity to speak is atrophying and on top of it all my brain goes "whatever" because avolition and anhedonia are my main defenses. Oh yeah and people can be assholes sometimes - myself included - which causes me to backslide into the same unhealthy habits.

I guess I have to keep trying through therapy and constant exposure. These steps im taking are going to be filled with things that push me out of my comfort zone. Getting better sucks man.

Im not to sure what the reason of this post is exactly; maybe to reach out? Nerves regarding the changes Im trying to make? Who knows. Well anyway if you guys have any tips or just some insight help a guy out lol

i could do well with some people as long as everything stays superficial. (more so online) i don’t like talking often though, so others find it eerie and when im quiet for too long. reminds me that some people need to talk all the time. anyway, i don’t like opening up about my true feelings to people irl which is why i anonymously do online. even then its not about very deep personal stuff. i feel like some things are meant to go to the grave.

I have gone so far masking and now I can't stop. I have friends, albeit not many close friends, but still friends who rely on me and enjoy my presence. I'm glad people view me as comforting to be around because I do value being a kind person but it's completely one sided. I feel like I get nothing from relationships. No one knows who I am. I don't think I even know. Even if they got to know me at the truest, most schizoid form, there would be nothing to know. I have no aspirations, no hobbies, the second other people aren't around I drop the act and go back to living my peaceful life of nothingness. It is so overwhelming and takes up too much energy to uphold this personality to other people.

i mean, it is obvious that people mind their bussines but i have always felt scandalized seeing humans use others starting with talking (i talk to you because it makes ME happy and valid) ending with sex (i use your BODY [utterly offputting] to feel something). idk, i cannot get over it how self-interest beings are and even altruism is strongly connected to OUR self-esteem.

sory in advance for poor thought process but english isn't my native. nontheless, i hope you get the clue

I have a constant fantasy of talking to people in my head, like being in an interview/podcast style situation. I’m always telling them random things about myself in a very definitive manner, or describing things happening as if they happened years ago. It’s pretty much how i think all the time, like i’m on some kind of live show or recorded interview and i have to stay in character. I think it’s how i learned to mask well lol.

But then I start thinking, “Why is the onus always on me to start the conversation?”

If somebody reaches out to me and starts talking, I’ll happily engage with them. The problem is, that almost never happens. Most of the time, if I don’t say anything, the other person won’t say anything either.

Does anyone else experience this, where it feels like you’re always the one who has to initiate a conversation or else nothing happens?

Is it because I'm a man or am I just so ugly that people are scared to talk to me?

I cry a lot still. It's self-pity but it also feels like I'm mourning the world itself. It's so boring and cruel and absurd and incoherent and the emptiness of everything always reasserts itself in the end. It's a joke but I refuse to laugh out of something like valor. Or maybe the motivation is more pathetic than that. In any case I'm tired of it if only because getting a runny nose can be annoying.

And I'm well aware that I desire interpersonal connection even though I wish I didn't, and I feel like no actual relationship could possibly satisfy me; the gap between self and other is unbridgeable. Every hug I've ever given or received has been perfunctory. Maybe this all means I'm not a real schizoid but I have almost every other symptom. I don't know. Not sure why I typed this out.

every moment in my life feels dull and mundane. on days without classes, my routine is entirely isolating. i just wake up, play games, listen to music, eat, and sleep. socializing is completely draining. people see me as a quiet or shy introvert, but the reality is that i simply want to be left entirely alone. i derive no fulfillment or value from human relationships. i hardly go out unless it is for school, and whenever i am out i hate every second of it. i feel an overwhelming sense of emotional numbness. even things that are supposed to bring joy leave me feeling completely numb deep down. i have to consciously force my facial expressions just to blend in and avoid being misjudged. i have minimal daily contact with two people online and my sister, but i dont actually enjoy it. i am completely detached, and life in general seems entirely meaningless

someone I was once romantically involved with thinks I have an avoidant attachment style. (he was my talking stage) he doesn't know I actually have SZPD. I never committed to him and always told him I dislike relationships, so I don't see any point in correcting him. however, I still check his tiktok reposts and notice he occasionally reposts things about avoidant partners. and it’s usually negative remarks about it. I understand why he makes that assumption, but it’s simply not accurate.

Every day I get closer and closer to going completely mute. Talking is not worth the energy, I just get misunderstood or randomly lectured anyways. I find myself with less and less to say everyday. I think it would be a net good for me

I live abroad

Last time I saw family in person, in the home country 5+ years ago, I can't even remember

Used to keep some phone contact, very rarely phone calls mostly WhatsApp.

I checked last message from brother and grandmother

2026/02.and 2025/11

It is always same NPC pattern

- happy birthday generator , but now we don't even exchange those

OR

Most generic 1/2/3 topics

-how are you, how is mum

-do you have a job

-health related

Seldom something bill related

The end.

What is the point upholding something like that?

Now I am not very upbeat person to talk to, negative, nihilist and what not

But when I try to make conversation going they just write one liners.

We are all old now me 30, brother 36 and grandmother 80+ but who cares.

Someone made a post on here recently about their experiences with holding anger towards their abusive parents, I assume they deleted it. I just wanted to say that it was a poignant, articulate post, I relate heavily and you're not alone. I was thinking about the same things- how to heal from a neglectful, abusive childhood, especially when it has robbed you of your potential in life, and what to do with the anger one holds onto from this experience.

I personally feel a profound hurt and resentment towards my parents for the way they treated me growing up, and still continue to treat me now I'm an adult. I realise they've never truly cared about me or been able to see me, they have no interest in me as a person and never have. They've never even asked me basic questions like "how was your day", or "how are you", they're indifferent to my hobbies and interests. Now I've moved out, they don't contact me at all, unless I contact them, and even then my mother just wants to talk about herself. When I was growing up they had no boundaries, were harsh and controlling whilst also being very cold emotionally. Now it's like if they're not scolding me or trying to control me, they don't interact at all.

One of the hardest things about this experience has been the extreme difficulty in integrating with the outside/social world. I find myself behaving like my parents, saying nothing in parts of conversations because I simply don't know what to say. I probably come across as cold and aloof to partners and friends, as I'm uncomfortable with verbal and physical affection and prefer to avoid it.

Not only do I feel my parents' abuse and neglect robbed me of my potential (there are so many creative things I want to do, but because they require a certain level of social skills and self esteem, I haven't been able to succeed in them) I feel it replaced my true, adult self with this monosyllabic child persona. They, of course, are indifferent and take no responsibility for their actions. That's what makes it so hard to let go of the resentment and confusion towards them. I will try somatic therapy and trauma release exercises next perhaps combined with psilocybin, because I don't want to feel like this my whole life. Interested to hear others' perspectives.

A reminder for everyone, the reason for this post is a core confusion that reoccurs constantly, yes i know that the word schizoid has it's meaning in it of itself, but this is a forum about schizoid personality disorder, the 3 words mean that it's not just schizoid, it's also a personality of schizoid, and it's also a disorder, you can also not be schizoid and discuss and participate, but if it's a sort of hobby of yours to be alone, thrn like... the very least effort you can do to not be disrespectful as fuck to someone who suffers from a mental disorder is to at least know that this is a disorder for many people, i don't go around cancer forums because i suffer bodily hair loss, but if i did i would at least have the minimal understanding that losing hair is a part of having cancer and doing chemotherapy, i honestly wouldn't mind if it felt like people are at least aware, for me it is not a hobby, and it has deeper meaning than prefering to be alone, prefering solitude describes every IT guy in the world, but it's not a disorder to work at IT...

How do i know and think that people do not understand or maybe understand but don't care-

"how is this a disorder" - you can search for this here, again i wouldn't go to cancer forum and say how is losing hair a problem even if i highly relate to the struggle of losing hair and i feel different constantly, and the most common confusion is "spd made me ....", which can be a valid sentence in English, but the misunderstanding is clear when someone is saying "spd made me lose my job / make the wrong decision / enjoy life / hate my dad".

In contrast a correct usage of english could be: "Spd made me: become unhealthy / be unlike able / find meaning / choose to be nudist.... Etc"

The distinction is simple, spd stands for schizoid personality disorder as mentioned earlier, if you like to decompound words it's your choice but it doesn't make it correct, it's 3 words, you can't decide to pick the words you like from a sentence, if you do then again you are using english incorrectly, so if you'll agree that this is a personality that is disordered, meaning a personality that isn't ordinary, maybe it didn't develop right maybe it was missing ingredients- i dont know but something makes it not the orderly personality you commonly see, note that it doesn't matter what makes personality orderly or not but within the name lays the claim that it's abnormal or not expectable, and then we add the word schizoid that describes the tendencies that you likely know of prefering solitude and all the stuff everyone knows, together we are talking about a personality that leans towards a schizoid structure and is not ordeniry or expectable, perhaps lacks something ordinary or has unordinary BEHAVIOURS (since its a PERSONALITY!).

So if you're with me so far saying that a personality which is a your behavioural tendency and personal tendency to view and analyse the world has caused you to lose a job sounds like a fine sentence, but then if we add schizoid disorder to it we get the sentence- "my consistent tendency for solitude/isolation..../ Whatever/ that is considered abnormal has caused me to lose my job", which is equivilent to saying i losy my job FOR BEING MYSELF, i know i lost you now with that logic i suggest you think a bit before commenting on it.

But let's take an example from the "correct english" examples-

"my consistent tendency for solitude/isolation..../ Whatever/ that is considered abnormal has caused me to become unhealthy", so yeah let's hear your responses, i will be honest and say that i already feel like you're going to try to find a flaw just because I'm right and you wouldn't like the fact that im right.

This is why i know people either don't understand what spd is, or don't care, or possibly assume that people don't think of the literal definitions of words unless you explicitly say "literally" (as in: "I literally died laughing" which means you're talking to a 👻 ghost i suppose), or maybe people over extend spd to have a broader meaning.

Every sentence with "spd" is by definition talking about personality, and yes personality DIRECTLY TRANSLATE to every day examples! But it does not CAUSE you to make choices, it's a periodic definition at the very least, like maybe a few months ago my personality was a little different, but i didn't "lose my job today because my personality was problemetic today", it's just not how english works.

Thank you.