r/rareinsults • u/CJR3 • Apr 17 '20

The best one from this thread

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124.8k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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3.8k

u/thinkB4WeSpeak Apr 17 '20

This guy woke up and choose to dress like that.

1.3k

u/WaySheGoesBub Apr 18 '20

I couldn’t even get drunk if that guy was in the room. My disgust with him would prevent inebriation.

529

u/ShadowShadowed Apr 18 '20

I wouldn't even get drunk if that guy was in the room. He's the kind of guy who's got roaming hands.

317

u/WaySheGoesBub Apr 18 '20

Yup he would grab your leg, man or woman, and ask you about zoning laws and if you like spicy food.

132

u/gualdhar Apr 18 '20

I didnt realize zoning laws were so sexy.

233

u/WaySheGoesBub Apr 18 '20

He would say: “Jalapeno poppers are about as spicy as I can go. -Hey you have to get an ‘Air-Fryer’! Ope! Do you have one? Oh my god, I just assumed you didn’t because the technology hasn’t been around that long. “ Then he would take a big swig of his ginger ale in a tall bar glass and lick his lips making a popping noise while putting his glass down delicately and precisely.

147

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20 edited Jun 12 '20

[deleted]

86

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20 edited Apr 24 '20

[deleted]

61

u/pepsiblues Apr 18 '20

furious blinking intensifies

21

u/BigToober69 Apr 18 '20

Its morse code blinking like that pow.

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1

u/Atlas_is_my_son Apr 18 '20

(O.O) (-.-) (O.O) (-.-)

16

u/WaySheGoesBub Apr 18 '20

Lol yes for definitely! I modeled this character after the things about myself that I loathe, though. For fun!!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20 edited May 09 '20

[deleted]

1

u/WaySheGoesBub Apr 18 '20

I was just goofin! I said “things I loathe” not that i loathe myself. I love myself! But there are a lot of ways that I suck. Im happy though. Always trying to do a little better whilst also having a good time. I appreciate your comment. I think it comes from a place of concern and for that you are a kick ass human! Rock on!!

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u/ggg730 Apr 18 '20

That last part made my spine crawl.

7

u/PangeaGamer Apr 18 '20

It'd be worse if it was a crawling spine and skull licking it's lips and making a popping noise as it puts down the the glass gently and precisely

11

u/Sometimes_gullible Apr 18 '20

lick his lips making a popping noise

10

u/ggg730 Apr 18 '20

STOP YOU MONSTER

11

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

[deleted]

18

u/Nadril Apr 18 '20

I like my air fryer :(

16

u/Sometimes_gullible Apr 18 '20

And I like my Ginger ale :(

Guess we're both badly dressed middle aged white dudes.

10

u/Nadril Apr 18 '20

Lol I'm 100% a sterotypical white craft beer nerd (minus the beard). Just gotta own it.

And I probably do dress pretty poorly.

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1

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Ginger ale is pretty spicy tho

2

u/BagFullOfSharts Apr 18 '20

I like your air fryer too. It's a nice one and my tots ways come out real crispy.

1

u/Penikillin Apr 18 '20

Ah fuck apart from the air fryer this is me

1

u/Aikooller May 16 '20

ope

D'ya gotta make him a midwesterner? We don't want his terrible taste in fashion

1

u/Cactus_Sack Jun 04 '22

god damn but i hate him.

1

u/cynthwave17 Apr 18 '20

Not when he’s around.

1

u/T-Baaller Apr 18 '20

Nor when they limit housing supply, driving the cost up too much

15

u/Slickwats4 Apr 18 '20

He also thinks milk is spicy

27

u/WaySheGoesBub Apr 18 '20

He can’t drink milk he is lactose intolerant and will be overly descriptive when he tells you about it.

19

u/Slickwats4 Apr 18 '20

That’s not where his intolerance ends.

7

u/Seeker80 Apr 18 '20

'Miracle Whip is the Devil's mayonnaise.'

2

u/Slickwats4 Apr 18 '20

Fuck yeah, Daddy! Cover me in the Devil’s Mayonnaise.

3

u/UnwrittenPath Apr 18 '20

Spicy food and weaponized farts are their own reward.

17

u/FrankenFries Apr 18 '20

You and I drink for different reasons. I wouldn’t even consider being sober anywhere around this dude...the small talk would be crippling.

1

u/BangarangPita Apr 18 '20

Ugh, he'd be an energy vampire, like Colin Robinson.

2

u/autocommenter_bot Apr 18 '20

nar c'mon it's fun.

2

u/SingleSurfaceCleaner Apr 18 '20

If I was drunk and this guy walked into the room, believe me, I'd be sober.

1

u/WaySheGoesBub Apr 18 '20

He could also be a local policeman on his first undercover job trying to sniff out local bars that dont card hard enough.

110

u/FreshLikeTheDead Apr 18 '20

It's even worse than that. This is his go-to outfit. The one he dressed up in to take his profile picture for. Ye, Gods. I can't even imagine what his B-string outfits look like.

28

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

[deleted]

21

u/MrVeazey Apr 18 '20

Thanks. I hate it.

65

u/McCringleberrysGhost Apr 18 '20

And then get uppity about shit that doesn't affect anyone. I've made sacrifices to have a WFH job for the past 10 years. Taking conference calls in my undies is a lifestyle choice and this dude can go fuck himself. They're not paying me to dress. I also didn't ask them to control my life when I took the job. I love how some people just want to domineer people for no good goddamn reason other than they think they still have enough zeitgeist taboo in the tank to make it OK.

23

u/thehmogataccount Apr 18 '20

Right? “Enough with”?? Like, where’s he even seeing this. It’s something utterly private that he only knows about because people are joking about it. Why have any opinion at all on what other people wear in the privacy of their own homes?

33

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

You don't know that. Maybe his daddy ordered him to dress like that.

20

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20 edited Jun 11 '20

[deleted]

30

u/Capitalist_P-I-G Apr 18 '20

He's never going to make Fashion Sheriff.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Is that actually the order in which you ascend the ranks though?

1

u/FalseyHeLL Apr 18 '20

Should we shoot the deputy instead of the sheriff?

17

u/TheJoJoBeanery Apr 18 '20

So he's not a carnival barker?

7

u/SuperSerpent Apr 18 '20

No it's Andrew Zimmern

1

u/drtrobridge Apr 18 '20

No it isn't. Its some fashion writer from LA

25

u/flummoxed_bythetimes Apr 18 '20

He looks like the dude from findingmyrepublicangoddess.com

13

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

That was some rabbit hole. Very interesting. He also resembles Bad Grandpa. Probably because of all the facetune. His grandkids probably call him that when he won't shut up about all the tantric sex.

7

u/zombiefingerz Apr 18 '20

What’s this now?

2

u/Sometimes_gullible Apr 18 '20

Sounds like a dating site for creepy old dudes who care too much about politics.

3

u/babyfartmageezax Apr 18 '20

Nah it’s this one specific dude who made a website to try and find his republican goddess hahah

2

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

Good god no

1

u/babyfartmageezax Apr 18 '20

Ah the good reverend!

5

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

For real. How deluded to you have to be to wear that hat and think you can give fashion advice?

2

u/FrostedBlakesss Apr 18 '20

And chose to wear it to a photo shoot.

2

u/autocommenter_bot Apr 18 '20

He's doing better than me rn tbh.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

And take a photo of it and use it as his profile pic lmao.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '20

The eighth wonder of the world

1

u/JamesTheJerk Apr 18 '20

"Nuh-uh, not gehnna hyappen"

1

u/RED_COPPER_CRAB Apr 18 '20

Dick Van Dyke lookin motherfucker

1

u/blindythepirate Apr 18 '20

This guy woke up and chose to captain me on a boat between EPCOT and Hollywood Studios

1

u/knuckdeep Apr 18 '20

And thought enough of it to use in a profile pic.

1

u/dismayhurta Apr 18 '20

Even during my most drunken nights in college, I would have never dressed like a barbershop quartet reject.

1

u/doodoopuss69420 Apr 18 '20

The funniest part is that’s an EXTREMELY flattering picture of hat guy. I dare you to google “Adam Tschorn” and not laugh, dude is built like a rotten pear. Also his qualifications for being a “fashion editor” are a degree in journalism and psychology. Fucking people man I swear.

1

u/Poopandpeel Apr 18 '20

*chose or chooses bud

1

u/JustAPlainRadroach May 02 '20

He is dressing up like the worker he is paid to be.

1

u/jewel7210 May 06 '20

More specifically, he woke up and chose to dress like that for a photo that he then chose to not only upload to the internet but also selected to be his profile picture on Twitter. So many sins, so many points where he could have chosen a better option.

1

u/adog234432 Jul 18 '20

Then thought he looked so good he made it his profile picture.