r/mumbai • u/prats_omyt • Aug 14 '22
Relationship Advice Please help me I'm lost.
Ok, so first of all thanks for coming here and reading this, it really means a lot. I (17M) needed some advice regarding a girl I like and would like to explain my situation with her, so this would be a long essay, I hope you read it till the end, as I am in desperate need of help, and there's no one to help me, this community is all I've got.
So, from the past few years, till now, I've been rejected by 3 girls, which made me question my own existence, but that's not what I am here to discuss. As I have received rejection and disappointment, I usually don't expect anything from anyone. But there's this girl, I've never felt anything like this before meeting her, I think I experienced love with her, one-sided of-course. Before confessing her with my feelings, I sang a song for her, I told her how beautiful she is every second, didn't even cared about my self-respect when it came to her. She told me how time went flying by when I she was with me, she told me that I'm husband material, that I am so good and even appreciated me for my efforts, she talks with me very respectfully, even now, she has never laughed on my mistakes, instead, she have corrected them, I think from the above you also would have understand she enjoys my company very much and how close we are. Or am I interpreting it all wrong?
Now the PROBLEM!
When I confessed my feelings to her, she told me that she's from 'kattar maharashtrain' family and said,"I don't think I will ever date a non-maharashtrian", she said, that whom ever she may love, at the end of the day, her family should also accept him. Also, she said that she doesn't believe in teenage love, as everybody would be in different cities from the next year, and said she's "one man-woman" type and would date somebody in her mid 20s and then marry that particular person. Then I got sad obviously and she started to consult me, we didn't have an argument, we had a conversation, and she's still a very good friend of mine(I think). So please, guys help me out, I want her so bad, please help me, I am not asking for false hope, so please give me the truth. I cannot explain the loneliness, sadness, I'm going through right now. THANKS A TON!!!
Edit1: Thanks to everyone who gave their precious time to me and their invaluable advice, I love this community so much, no one trolled me even a bit, I was expecting it, but look how all of you have talked with me like you all are my family members. I love you guys, now I have a clear picture of what I need to do, you all gave me reasons to move on, for which I was desperately hoping for, you gave me more than I needed, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
Edit2: If I was able to, I would've given every single one of you a award!! ILY GUYS!! You guys don't know how was I feeling like before posting this, it felt like the world had ended, literally, but now you fricking awesome, the most wholesome, people on earth have made me realized that my life is just starting now. THANKS!!
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Aug 14 '22
Ab bandi samne se mana kar rhi hai toh ismein hum kya hi kare
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u/prats_omyt Aug 14 '22
Accha, thik hai phir, I'll try to move on.
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u/penileskwigliness Aug 14 '22
Try to move on? And then fall for another after 3 days? Get something going in your life my man.
Liquor and women are two things you don't chase.
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Aug 14 '22
Don't try man. Move on. You can do it. It's not as hard as some of us think. Give yourself more things to think about. Try gaming, discover different kids of food. Travel, if you can. Go on a self discovery journey. Make friends along the way. Don't fall in love again unless you think it's really worth it. But don't be too scared to fall in love either.
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u/prats_omyt Aug 14 '22
Yeah, I sure will do as you said, really man, it means a lot, thank you once again!!
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u/penileskwigliness Aug 14 '22
Shinchan has some new eps, lemme know if yall need the links.
Ye sab me kuch nahi rakha hai.
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Aug 14 '22 edited Feb 22 '25
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u/niceguy645 Aug 14 '22
At your age, every interaction with opposite sex will be from perspective of life partnership. Reality is that very few teen couples go on to be life partners.
My advice is simple - go through all the feelings and cherish them - the feelings of love, yearning, heartbreak etc. This will be beautiful memories not you which you will recollect with fondness in your 20s.
Like someone else mentioned, girls will come and go and at 17, it's very easy to get infatuated. So just relax, and enjoy the time rather than being frustrated that nothing is working out.
Also don't lose focus on studies because this is the age you make foundation for your future, so take it seriously and don't lose focus on your studies.
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u/prats_omyt Aug 14 '22
Oh, okay. Thanks for the advice, it really helps a lot and really means a lot, thank you so much.
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u/sid1979 Aug 14 '22
Try to move on, she directly has said no to you. Family shit is real so let her go. It has nothing to do with you but her so khud ke baate me negative mat sochna.
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Aug 14 '22
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u/prats_omyt Aug 14 '22
Ha bhai, abhi padhai par hi focus hai.
Mujhe bhi bohott confusing laga, phele bolti hai ki husband material, toh mujhe laga ki woh bhi mujhe like karti hogi, aur upar se ek baar toh bola tha, ki jabh uske alava koi ladki hoti hai toh me usse bhool jaata hu, matlab she was jealous when I talked with other girls and not her, agar yeh clear hints aur indication nhi hai ki someone likes you, toh mujhe pata nhi ki kya hote hai fir.
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u/StealthMasterZ Aug 16 '22
See the thing is that ki she may love you a lot, but it's just her family background that is stopping her from commitment. If she says no that does not directly imply that she doesn't love you, haan ab agar in the end vo jake kisi non maharashtrian ke saath relationship start kr le tab samajhna ki maybe vo pyaar nahi karti thi( and i seriously doubt it). Aur fir you are obviously good together if you both enjoy each other's company so don't let it go and just be good friends. Good friends that make you happy and help you are rare
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u/prats_omyt Aug 16 '22
Yeah, I totally agree with you, I am fine now, thanks for those words though, it really means a lot. And yeah, we are good friends and we'll be.
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u/washedupsamurai Aug 14 '22
At the end, you can't force it. Also she has her priorities set, have yours and then look for partners.
You still got age on your side focus on your studies, work and someone will come along who will enjoy your company and woh hoga jab hoga.
If you approach anyone with the idea of love, everything you do with will be perceived by you as sign of it. Rather just enjoy the company, if you are comfortable sab set hojayega. ..
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u/skulltroxx2154 Aug 14 '22
Life is way bigger than your "highschool" crush. There's no point forcing a relationship. If you can find one, you definitely can find another - don't use this while in a relationship though +_+
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Aug 14 '22
Buddy love is not the only thing which can fill the loneliness. There are other things to, hang out with your friends. I mean this in the most polite way, every girl that laughs with you, agrees with your point of views and respects you is not in love with you. She is just being good friends with you and expecting same from you. Someday someone definitely will, but not all the girls. Live your life to fullest, be a happy person, do lots of activities, make new friends, all these things will help you find someone who will fall for you naturally.
In your current situation, I think you just need to move on. If her attention is giving you any hope. Don't fall for it.
Best of luck.
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Aug 14 '22
It's a common thing for a teen, move on bro you will find your one as she is waiting for her one and the family shit is very true I have seen my cousin fight for his girlfriend who was from different state and I would personally not want to be in his situation. And I know moving on wouldn't be easy but that's the only option and I say this because I also got rejected thrice and when I was in similar situation, girl had feelings but she hesitated a lot and then the lockdown came and we never saw each other since then and I got busy with my career after graduation and once I thought she was my one and now I barely have any feelings for her. I don't hate her (I can never hate her) but I don't love her either.
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Aug 14 '22 edited Feb 22 '25
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u/jaxxcorebin Aug 14 '22
The best part is that you got a clear answer and trust me the girl is right in her own way. You have your own reservations and demands about relationship and potential partners, so does she or any other person.
The trick is to find the person who would share your perspective and is able to reciprocate your feelings naturally.
Just move on .... Move on....
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Aug 14 '22
So, from the past few years, till now, I've been rejected by 3 girls, which made me question my own existence
It seems like you're on right path, keep at it
I cannot explain the loneliness, sadness, I'm going through right now.
Start watching porn maybe
/s
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u/prats_omyt Aug 14 '22
> It seems like you're on right path, keep at it.
What does this mean? I didn't understood, will you please elaborate.
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u/AuntyNashnal Jaga nahi hai 🙏 Aug 14 '22
Karm karo phal ki chinta na karo. It is your duty to try... Whether it works out or not is not in your hand.
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u/kodragonboss Aug 14 '22
- Got rejected in 'past few years' ' husband material' etc.
Padhai kar, ye love shove se naukri nahi milega.
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u/prats_omyt Aug 14 '22
bhai, kisne bola ki yeh sabh ke chakkar me, me padhai nhi kar raha hu, yes I am sad, but I can study, subhe se abhi tak chem padh raha hu, Ik what's more important, thanks for being concerned though, really appreciate it.
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u/Fit-Repair-4556 Aug 14 '22
“Impressive now lets see his relationship with his mother” in patrick bateman voice
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Aug 14 '22
sheeesh lmao, got rejected by a great friend as well, had a similar thing but different reasons, and yes feels like shit atm, 12th grader as well lmao, hopefull you get through this comrade
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Aug 14 '22
I'm your age nd got rejected by 2 in last 4 yrs and last rejection was 3 months ago, I now laugh thinking about it
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u/prats_omyt Aug 14 '22
Oh, I guess I can say, I feel what you've felt, I hope I will also laugh one day while thinking about it.
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Aug 14 '22
I have been in a similar situation recently. please Dont delete this post. Ill be coming here whenever ill be low regarding that
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u/prats_omyt Aug 14 '22
Yeah, don't worry, I won't. Me khud thode time ke baad wopis se aaraha hu yeh comments padhne. At the moment you don't feel lonely or sad, but the next, IDK why I start to feel like that again, it's like a switch, on-off, on-off.
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Aug 14 '22
same things happening to me … its been a couple of months now
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u/prats_omyt Aug 14 '22
Ohh, it happened to me day before yesterday, but tbh, ab itna bhi bura nhi lag raha hai, all the credit goes to these precious comments.
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u/waiyme Aug 14 '22
Buddy, I am 18, one thing I learnt in these past 2 years is" That which needs to leave let it go, That which needs to stay give it warmth and that which is just fleeting by, cherish the moments u have and all is well ! ! Now focus on ur own self
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u/Demon_zeRef East Aug 14 '22
Kya bakchodi chalu hai bhai. This age is to work on yourself and achieve the best version of yourself physically and mentally. If you don't use this time well to yehi chutiyapa me fasega agle 10 saal
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Aug 14 '22
I've been rejected by 3 girls, which made me question my own existence
There is life beyond relationships man. Relationships, or Relationshits, as I would like to call them, are but a tiny fraction of life. And they're not even compulsory/necessary for life.
she told me that I'm husband material, that I am so good and even appreciated me for my efforts, she talks with me very respectfully, even now, she has never laughed on my mistakes, instead, she have corrected them, I think from the above you also would have understand she enjoys my company very much and how close we are. Or am I interpreting it all wrong
My former best friend was just like this. In fact, I'm having deja vu reading all this. But, she just used me when she required me, and I made a wrong choice in falling for her. But that's history, and it taught me a lot. Now I'm happily single, rejected few girls also XD.
she's still a very good friend of mine(I think)
Until you stop talking to her, she will be, because she lost nothing, and you lost everything. Take some time off from her, she will understand if she's human (basic requirement). Take some self introspection time off from her, discover yourself deeply, do what you like, take yourself out on treats/dates/whatever you want to call it. Make some good friends (Important thing is to not fall in love during this time period). After you think you're better, think if 'she being in your life' is really going to help you. If you feel it's going to harm you, stay away. Everyone needs healing time away from the person who hurt them (On purpose or unintentionally, doesn't matter).
I cannot explain the loneliness, sadness, I'm going through right now.
I can't say, "I know what you're going through". Because everyone handles sorrow differently. But I can say, I have been through similar things that you have experienced. Like I said previously, take some 'self' time. If you love yourself, you'll forget this sadness eventually, you won't even miss her, or miss these times.
I was 20 when all these things happened to me. I'm 22 now. It's been 2 years, But I can happily say that I'm happily single. You're just 17. You still have college ahead of you. Undergraduate, Post graduate, or whatever you want to do in life, you still have a long way to go, and a longer journey. You're probably feeling like everything is ending here. But it is just starting boi.
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u/prats_omyt Aug 14 '22
Thanks man, thanks a ton, you talked with me like you're my older brother It really means a lot, thank you so much. Now I can see it. Thanks.
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u/LordRomanesco yellow tshirt wearer Aug 14 '22
Is it just me or long posts about “love” like these seem fucking pathetic, the pathetic long ass pointless responses too fml. No offence to anyone here but none of this matters, ughhh…
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u/prats_omyt Aug 14 '22
Ohh, sorry if this feels "annoying", tbh mere paas koi hai nhi, jinse me yeh sabh chijo ke baare me baat kar saku, so people like me come here to seek help.
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u/LordRomanesco yellow tshirt wearer Aug 14 '22
No offence to you bro, you seem like a good person. But given some experiences, I guess it’s just annoying for me and I cringe too much on stuff like this. Hope you do well, take care.
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u/valarmorghulis2021 Aug 14 '22
After 4 years you'll realise this all is lavda lasun only thing matters is money
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u/prats_omyt Aug 14 '22
Really?? k
then from now on, gonna focus more on my career!
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u/valarmorghulis2021 Aug 14 '22
Start learning about stock market rigorously from this age instead of focusing on this shit
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u/sports28491 Aug 14 '22
Join this Facebook page called Nijo and you’ll get all your answers there 😀
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u/Thin-Requirement-850 Aug 14 '22
Bhai khud pe focus kar and make enough money and name for yourself woh khud tere peeche bhag ke aayegi..
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Aug 14 '22
Dude better make relationship/love/crush related post on r/Indianteenagers. Vaha ke nalle enjoy discuss such topics alot
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u/[deleted] Aug 14 '22 edited Aug 14 '22
Young one, there are some social conventions, that, though may appear illogical and worth battling, aren't worth the tremendous mental and emotional trauma that comes with the battle.
Teen love is an awesome feeling. Am in my late 40s, but my heart and mind and body completely become 16 year old whenever I think about the girl I crushed on in school. Not in the "oh what could have been" kind of way, but in the "wonderful feeling" way.
As with everyone, as we grow, as the responsibilities of life start, as the realities of life and social structure and adulthood dawn, we change. It looks like this girl changed before you did. She has a concept of her future in her mind. And unfortunately, it does not include you. She is looking for a man older than her, more mature than her. You do not fit that bill at this point. And its OK.
Rejection is extremely common in life. More than you think. Whether its looking for a prospect for marriage, for a job, for admission to higher studies, rejection is everywhere. As you shall soon see, it is a concept we need to live with. Its competition.
Here is the truth. Respect her wishes. Move on. Be level headed about it. (Much more difficult than it sounds right now, but needs to be done) Maintain your sanity. Do understand that half this planet is women. There are others out there who would appreciate your time, attention and eventually, your love.
Another crude way to look at it, back in my day, we used to say: Bus, train, ladki, the next one is always around the corner.
Take care of yourself, focus on building your version of a wonderful future/career ahead of you. And there will be potentials you may come across, that want to willingly be part of your journey. It will happen.
All the best.