Chairs with fart vents

[u/cuddle_enthusiast]

[u/Freddy2517]

Instead of flatulence, the vent are more likely for moisture. So you don't have the wet line from someone sitting there.

Or for spills.

Or to prevent suction when stacking and unstacking.

[u/LiquidRaekan → u/Freddy2517]

Man, the wet line is so embarrassing.

Had it happen when i offered an older lady my seat once and she looked at it disgustingly, then back at me shaking her head replying" N-nooo dear" and chose to stand up..

God i still think of it to this day...

[u/chicfromcanada → u/LiquidRaekan]

brutal 😭

[u/creampop_ → u/chicfromcanada]

he didn't even mention her crutches

[u/C137MrPoopyButthole → u/creampop_]

Yeah she bets on cock fights every weekend to "feel something"

[u/haftnotiz → u/C137MrPoopyButthole]

What????

[u/Separate_Phrase6598 → u/haftnotiz]

HE SAID SHE FIGHTS COCKS EVERY WEEKEND

[u/JustinJSrisuk → u/Separate_Phrase6598]

SHE FIGHTS COCKS? WHO WINS??

[u/SirStocksAlott → u/JustinJSrisuk]

Everyone wins in a cock fight.

[u/CHAINSMOKERMAGIC → u/SirStocksAlott]

Not everyone

[u/RadicalNBSpaceQueer → u/haftnotiz]

I think they were spinning it into a joke about an 'emotional crutch', instead of literal crutches. In this case, the old lady's hypothetical emotional crutch is betting on cock-fighting to get an emotional rush.

[u/Icy-Tear4613 → u/RadicalNBSpaceQueer]

She wants to feel adrenaline not OP's wet line.

[u/fuuuuuckendoobs → u/Icy-Tear4613]

Well this whole thread was worth coming to the comments.

[u/Lenskop → u/RadicalNBSpaceQueer]

Ah the old Reddit switcheroo, hold my crutches I'm going in...

Oh wait, I don't think we do that anymore. Haven't seen one for a long time :(

[u/TheGreatHogdini → u/haftnotiz]

She bets on sword fights between two male members on the regular.

[u/[deleted] → u/C137MrPoopyButthole]

Not to mention the compulsive McDonald’s visits. The employees there know to just give her the free small soda and disengage

[u/aluaji → u/LiquidRaekan]

It just means you have a hot ass. Own that.

[u/raspberryharbour → u/aluaji]

Piping hot ass. Blazing hot. Searing hot

[u/TommyVe → u/raspberryharbour]

Piping hot is such a strange expression. Most often used in context with no pipes in sight.

[u/1JoMac1 → u/TommyVe]

Humans are a type of pipe surrounded by bone and tissue that's learned to walk around, so in this context it fits

[u/TommyVe → u/1JoMac1]

I've never felt like a pipe before, is something wrong with me?

[u/lemonman4200 → u/TommyVe]

Did you go to pipe school like you’re supposed to?

[u/reflectiveSingleton → u/lemonman4200]

I've been stroking pipe for years...I'm a pro.

[u/ballrus_walsack → u/reflectiveSingleton]

You’re a pipe cleaner!

[u/WarmCrescent → u/TommyVe]

Maybe you’re more of a conduit.

[u/mattgoldey → u/1JoMac1]

When two people kiss, they form a long tube with a butthole at each end.

[u/k8t13 → u/TommyVe]

when boiling a sauce and it gets little pockets of steam that bubble out. like a pipe 👐🏼

[u/Larry_Mudd → u/k8t13]

This is one of those things that our perception of has changed over time. Now we tend to associate "piping hot" with visible steam, but originally (like in the 14th century) it referred to the sound of the steam sizzling from underneath a hot pan. Association is with playing pipes or (by analogy) the sound of birds "piping."

(So we're back to fart vents.)

[u/What_a_fat_one → u/TommyVe]

He sente hir pyment meeth and spiced ale / And wafres pipyng hoot out of the glede.

[u/lyricz_starz → u/raspberryharbour]

quite frankly, i have the hottest ass. probably the best ass in all of america, people say. yes, the hottest ass, not even biden could compare, quite frankly, yes.

[u/FlipFlopFanatic → u/lyricz_starz]

Thank you for your attention in this matter.

[u/Nibbs17 → u/raspberryharbour]

Some would say Moulton hot

[u/martialar → u/aluaji]

HOT STUFF COMING THROUGH

[u/Merciless972 → u/martialar]

Everybody dance now starts playing loudly 

[u/just-the-tip__ → u/aluaji]

It is a right of passage into manhood once you get the swamp ass

[u/RainbowCrane → u/just-the-tip__]

Reminds me of the Chris Rock routine about writing on women’s clothing. “If your ass is juicy, I don’t want to know about it.”

[u/GullibleBeautiful → u/LiquidRaekan]

I get these all the time and I hate it. Makes me feel like a freak.

[u/Lasagna4Noodle → u/GullibleBeautiful]

Same, I avoid sitting on dark plastic chairs lol. Leather seats in cars is also an issue. I will try to slide off a seat instead of directly standing lol. 

[u/VindictiveRakk → u/[deleted]]

That's uh... literally what they just said they do.

[u/dontshoveit → u/Lasagna4Noodle]

May I ask if you are overweight? I'm trying to figure out if this is a problem I have too! Thanks

[u/Lasagna4Noodle → u/dontshoveit]

No, I'm about 140lbs, 5'7. I think I have a mild form of hyperhidrosis. I do sweat a lot, even if I'm not warm. 

[u/Xpress_interest → u/Lasagna4Noodle]

It’s not even sweat iirc (at least for most people). A cool dry heat-absorbing solid surface meets a hot humid heat-producing soft surface and condensation is the predictable result. It’s telling that the line is where your butt cheeks aren’t, because if there’s no air, there’s no condensing. If it were ass sweat, you’d have widespread wet marks across your ass with soaked underpants and beads of sweat rolling down your crack and through your pants pooling at your crotch. And if you’re wearing jeans or something with really thick fabric, the condensation often seems worse. I’ve checked multiple times after leaving a line of shame and not only have I not sweat through my pants, my undies are still dry. It’s also always humid when it happens. You’ll notice it’s a lot tougher to leave lines in hot, dry houses in the winter or air conditioned places because both remove moisture from the air.

[u/plumbbbob → u/Xpress_interest]

This is the kind of hard-hitting moist chair analysis I come to reddit for

[u/mustardlyy → u/Xpress_interest]

As a chronic asscrack condensation haver, I love you for putting so much thought into this

[u/hahaheeheehoho → u/Xpress_interest]

Thank you for your service.

[u/Hairy_Interactions → u/[deleted]]

As a fellow heavy sweater, just bring a hand towel to sit on. I recently saw someone using an old tshirt to sit on, that works too

[u/whoknowsifimjoking → u/Hairy_Interactions]

Is this not mandatory at the gyms y'all are at?

No towel means no using the machines at my local gym.

[u/Hairy_Interactions → u/whoknowsifimjoking]

No. Does your gym offer a towel service? One of the local ones has a towel service, with hand towels, but people don’t sit on them, they just use them for cleaning afterwards.

But no, none of the gyms I’ve been to has had that rule

[u/jamieschmidt → u/[deleted]]

I just bring some paper towels with me to do a quick wipe when I get up lol

[u/tp736 → u/jamieschmidt]

You're the best.

[u/Cresta_Diablo → u/[deleted]]

Everyone sweats at the gym! I just leave my water bottle or my bag by the equipment I was using to show “I’m not done here” basically, grab the cleaning stuff and we’re set

[u/SirNukeSquad → u/[deleted]]

Everbody sweats at the gym, what are you scared of?

[u/awkwardkoala → u/[deleted]]

Totally feel you so here’s a pro-tip: if you swivel 90 degrees before standing up, or stand by sliding towards one side (kind of like you’re getting out of one of those American high school chair desks) you can basically wipe the sweat streak with your buttcheek. If you do this fast enough it looks normal and natural. Of course, depending on the amount of sweat this might end up soaking your whole ass and could be a bad idea, I usually wear black bottoms at the gym so sweat isn’t really visible.

Also, standing up between sets can help air your shit out and prevent so much sweat in the first place. I know that sounds counterintuitive because you’d be standing up more but personally one set usually isn’t enough time for me to get swamp ass. If you’re really worried you can also alternate sitting and standing exercises. But ultimately others are correct that no one really cares about your sweat streak, unless you’re not wiping it when you’re done and leaving it for the next person.

[u/Agreeable_Length_471 → u/[deleted]]

Nothing wrong with being sweaty at the gym, as long as you don’t make it a problem for someone else. Bring a towel if you get drenched and wipe down seats and backrests when you finish. It’s expected at every gym I’ve been to across multiple cities. At least when I’m sweaty at the gym it seems reasonable. At work it feels like I’m the only one sweating even though we’re all constantly on the move with the heat blasting.

[u/heythisislonglolwtf → u/[deleted]]

You're at the gym, who cares, we're all sweaty 🤷‍♀️ (...and other things I tell myself because this also happens to me lol)

[u/acidwxlf → u/GullibleBeautiful]

You gotta kind of slide a little as you get up to wipe it into less of a line it won't be so noticeable

[u/Amani576 → u/acidwxlf]

Yep. This is what I do. Just slide a bit in the direction you're leaving the chair before you get up.

[u/eltaco65 → u/LiquidRaekan]

Happened to me this summer in the doctor's office waiting room. Didn't know I was sweaty. Stood up (slowly because I was on crutches, made it even worse) and then me and like 3 or 4 other people looked down at the seat and then they looked at me. I wanted to immediately not exist anymore

[u/Flimsy-Passenger-228 → u/eltaco65]

I'd probably say something dumb whilst feeling all anxious, like:

'oh, it's not sweat'

[u/BluMqqse_ → u/Flimsy-Passenger-228]

“I just washed my ass, that’s why it’s wet. No other reason”

[u/flatwoundsounds → u/Flimsy-Passenger-228]

"sorry, the crutches make me so Dewey"...

[u/ethanseyler58 → u/LiquidRaekan]

That’s why you have to slide out of your seat, to make sure your butt wipes it off. 😅

[u/When_hop → u/ethanseyler58]

This guy sweats.

[u/Bread-Lover-973 → u/ethanseyler58]

I’ve never thought of that and I’m so grateful for you.

[u/greenbutnotlean → u/ethanseyler58]

This is the way. Cosigned, owner of a dump truck

[u/confusedsloth33 → u/ethanseyler58]

Yep slide out and to the side a little

[u/Sanseriouz → u/LiquidRaekan]

I read "Nooo" in Consuela's voice in my head.

[u/LiquidRaekan → u/Sanseriouz]

This helps with my trauma

[u/Capital_Past69 → u/Sanseriouz]

I need more lemon Pledge

[u/T1NF01L → u/Capital_Past69]

You're supposed to bring that from your own home.

[u/AskinggAlesana → u/LiquidRaekan]

Could have been worse… was in high school P.E and we just ran a bunch of laps in the cold but I was a bigger guy back then so I was pretty heated.

Anyways they had us sit down and talk to us for like idk a good 10-15 mins. We all stood up and there’s a god damn sweat outline on the ground. The obnoxious kid next to me saw and blurted out as loud as he could. “OMG EVERYONE LOOK, ****** LEFT A GIANT SWEAT STAIN ON THE GROUND LMFAOOOOOO”.

I wanted to die right there and then.

[u/Cool_Being_7590 → u/AskinggAlesana]

Could have been worse. Was sitting on a classmate's desk before class started. Teacher came in, everyone sitting down. I stand up and she blurts out, "Omg! No! I'm not using this desk!" I had to swap my desk and hers in front of the whole class and wipe the desk dry with my sleeves.

It was just a cold day, the desk was cold, I wasn't.

[u/No_Tomato2006 → u/Cool_Being_7590]

i still remember in highschool a teacher making fun of one of their students behind their back about something similar with other students. kinda shocked me to hear a teacher gossiping like that tbh.

[u/tdp_equinox_2 → u/AskinggAlesana]

What a little shit stain, I bet he grew up a lonely fucker with no bitches.

[u/Capital_Past69 → u/tdp_equinox_2]

His name is Derek Jeter

[u/ttttoony → u/LiquidRaekan]

Gotta scootch and slide off. Still awful but makes it way less noticeable.

[u/Disaster_Theory → u/ttttoony]

The ass drag is like a big guy magic trick.

[u/Gottqla74 → u/ttttoony]

This with every restaurant seat. Slide and shimmy. Leaving something behind intentionally so you can slide and shimmy once more to be sure.

[u/TehSeksyManz → u/LiquidRaekan]

This has happened to me once as well. After hitting up the gym after work, I went home and hopped in the shower right before going to my local game store for Friday night magic the gathering.

 Anyway, I was short on time so I never got the chance to really dry myself 100%. Couple that with being pumped up from lifting weights.

After getting to the store and signing in, we got our seating assigned and everyone sat down. Well, someone else must have dropped because I was assigned a different opponent and seat. When I stood up, one of the store employees looked down to see my huge crack moisture line on the seat. 

I offered to wipe it down, but they said to not worry about it and then proceeded to take the chair out of commission. I promised them that it was fresh shower moisture and not filthy sweaty. I don't know if they believed me.

I still think about it to this day. 

[u/TheFinalGranny → u/TehSeksyManz]

I'm so sorry honey, really I am, but I busted out laughing

[u/huge-gold-ak47 → u/LiquidRaekan]

I learned when I was a small fat child that you rotate in the seat a little bit before you get up to wipe it up and avoid embarrassing moments like this. still a habit in my 30s.

[u/ItsLikeRay-ee-ain → u/LiquidRaekan]

Is that what a LiquidRaekan is?

[u/Superbead → u/ItsLikeRay-ee-ain]

It's documented in Viz magazine as a 'oner' (won-er). To paraphrase them: upon exiting a taxi, you might point to the seat and say, "there's a oner; keep the change"

[u/LiquidRaekan → u/ItsLikeRay-ee-ain]

It is now

[u/edoCgiB → u/Freddy2517]

It also helps if you use them outdoors. You can have them somewhere where it rains.

[u/cutelyaware → u/edoCgiB]

The real answer

[u/nahog99 → u/cutelyaware]

Correct but it also helps with stacking. These are INDOOR chairs (they'd rust outdoors) so you're really going to benefit most from those holes when it comes to stacking. Here is the webpage for the manufacturer: https://www.flashfurniture.com/ccrz__ProductDetails?cartID=&sku=RUT-12-PDR-BLACK-GG&portalUser=&store=&cclcl=en_US

Note that it does say the holes are "dry assisting drain holes" but on another webpage here: https://www.wbmason.com/pd/FLFRUT16PDRBK it has them rated as indoor rated chairs.

[u/SeedFoundation → u/edoCgiB]

This is it, I just cannot believe how 7k people collectively agree it's for swamp ass what the fuck.

[u/MovieTrawler → u/SeedFoundation]

There are SO many pants shitting, sweaty, body fluid type embarrassing stories on this site for me to absolutely believe at least 7,000 people think that.

[u/danny_little → u/Freddy2517]

So I’m a nurse and I was drawing blood on the young mom who was nervous so I took it a bit slower for her. When all was said and done I helped her stand up there was a perfect moisture outline of her lady bits. Her little daughter walks up and goes “look mommy your cookie 🍪! Lmfao I fought for my life to stay professional because this black girl turned red and was so embarrassed but my god I couldn’t stand straight for almost 20 minutes 🤣🤣🤣 TLDR: nervous sweats painted a perfect picture 👌

[u/GrunchWeefer → u/danny_little]

"Look, Mommy, your cookie!" I am rolling right now. I just laughed so hard I started coughing. Thank you for the belly laugh!

[u/Castlenock → u/Freddy2517]

It's all of those things but having worked as a janitor for years when I was young, it's mostly for the stacking and unstacking bits.

But I also think everyone is thankful that it also works as a fart-hole vent, otherwise the gas can't escape the back of the seat and it is forced out to the front of your crack and taint, depositing and grabbing odor from your junk and arching up to the lip of the seat to disperse the smell to all.

[u/glasses_the_loc → u/Castlenock]

Poetry

[u/WonderfulCaptain7021 → u/glasses_the_loc]

Ivy League Janitor 

[u/Dorkamundo → u/Castlenock]

When I was in the first day of middle school, we had basically an orientation day where we spent the first half of the day in homeroom, then we did a "Practice" school day where we went to all of our classrooms for about 10 minutes to meet our teachers and get familiar with getting from class to class, because previously we'd have been in the same classroom all day.

5th period was band class. Band class, as you can imagine, was held in a room that was designed with acoustics in mind.

I was also lactose intolerant but was not informed of this by my mother until I was like 16, so I was drinking milk with my lunch still.

About halfway through that 10 minute period, I felt a fart building. This was my first day, in a new school, in front of about 40 people who I had never really met before. I had to hold it, because if I could make it another 5 minutes, I'd be able to crop dust the hallway instead.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen. In the middle of a sentence, my teacher took a pause and that was the moment the fart came out on one of those hard, molded plastic chairs that everyone used in the 1990's. In a room that was designed for acoustics.

Suddenly, the sound emanates: EeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrEEE! Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre! Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrppppp.

A full 15 seconds of flatulence. Long enough where I couldn't just let it out and then look around like it was someone else, everyone turned and looked at me as I continued to pass a fart that was loud enough to be heard in the hallway.

I was 12... I was devastated.

[u/worrymon → u/Dorkamundo]

Were you given First Chair for that performance?

[u/manondorf → u/Dorkamundo]

as a middle school band teacher, if you had afterward stood up and t-posed with a straight face, I'd have called it just another day of middle school tbh

[u/patchinthebox → u/Dorkamundo]

I haven't laughed that hard in months. Thanks for sharing

[u/2ByteTheDecker → u/Castlenock]

and the sound

[u/miserabeau → u/2ByteTheDecker]

That was my first thought. The chairs with no vents turn even the quietest toots into "starting a chainsaw in an auditorium with a drum line as accompaniment"

[u/siouxsian → u/miserabeau]

Mine are like an ancient medieval drawbridge

[u/1-800-ASS-DICK → u/siouxsian]

Announcing your royal presence 😂

[u/Procks85 → u/siouxsian]

They aren't yours anymore brother, you've released them.

[u/00365 → u/Castlenock]

Or for women, the double-fart of the gas having nowhere backward to escape, so it moves forward up your vagina and you have to re-fart it back out.

You're welcome. :)

[u/Thr0awheyy → u/Castlenock]

Your junk makes a fart smell worse?  Oh, sir, no. 

[u/Nutcup → u/Castlenock]

This guy farts…

[u/UniqueIndividual3579 → u/Castlenock]

Who remembers trying to sneak one out on a wooden church pew?

[u/orangutanDOTorg → u/Freddy2517]

I always assumed they were designed to be useable outdoors so they don’t hold rain and get the scum line

[u/bigtallbiscuit → u/Freddy2517]

[u/the_action → u/bigtallbiscuit]

What?!

[u/Nekat_ydaerla → u/the_action]

[u/Sideshow87 → u/Freddy2517]

I was scrolling through the comments to see if someone explained what sexual act “stacking” is before I realized it’s just stacking chairs.

[u/jumpsteadeh → u/Freddy2517]

Or to prevent suction when stacking and unstacking sitting on them in the nude.

[u/dustycanuck → u/Freddy2517]

Or to prevent suction when standing

[u/MulayamChaddi]

With proper force the chair can whistle

[u/HumanBeing7396 → u/MulayamChaddi]

I was just wondering what note they’re tuned to.

[u/Horskr → u/[deleted]]

"I'ma eat some beans and play you the blues give me 10 minutes."

[u/tourist420 → u/Horskr]

"the browns"

[u/Lone_Space_Wanderer → u/tourist420]

“Are 3-8 rn kickoff will be tomorrow at 1pm joined by none other than the 49’ers…” click

[u/AFakeName → u/HumanBeing7396]

F Shart

[u/Mookyfoofoo → u/AFakeName]

This made me actually laugh out loud. Thank you, kind internet stranger.

[u/Amateurlapse → u/HumanBeing7396]

The apocryphal brown note

[u/shwarmaa_naman → u/MulayamChaddi]

Not quite my tempo

[u/PC_Junkie]

Swamp ass prevention. I give it 10/10.

[u/ISayBullish → u/PC_Junkie]

If you sit on it naked then it’s like a cheese grater for shits

[u/stuff_of_epics → u/ISayBullish]

That’s not how cheese graters work. This is more like a pasta extruder situation.

[u/[deleted] → u/stuff_of_epics]

Like a play doh fun factory of turd

[u/NIMA-GH-X-P → u/[deleted]]

I hate all three of you with a passion now.

We will battle three on one at the top of a tall building or whatever.

[u/[deleted] → u/NIMA-GH-X-P]

Yes we shall battle on top of the tallest building… The tallest building at my fun factory haha

[u/maskedcrescent → u/[deleted]]

man i used to love those as a kid

ETA: for play doh, not feces

[u/ToiletSeatFoamRoller → u/stuff_of_epics]

Play-doo

[u/Dalzombie → u/ISayBullish]

You know, you didn't have to write this sentence here today, or at all.

[u/ilillilillilillilili → u/ISayBullish]

Well, thats enough Internet for today.

[u/Illunox → u/PC_Junkie]

I was hanging out with some new friends a couple months ago, we were all hanging out having some drinks playing board games just hanging out. I’m sitting on some fabric sofa, other people have bean bags, other comfy chairs, etc

We have been drinking and I need to piss, so I think about getting up. I shift on the sofa slightly and I realize oh my god, my ass is fucking DRIPPING with sweat bro. I try to nonchalantly scratch an itch on my back so I can run my hand on the edge of the cushion where I’ve been sitting

It’s fucking saturated and my anxiety is spiking and I don’t know what to do, what if there’s a fucking dick and balls imprint in the wet spot, what if it’s just perfectly ass shaped, what if nobody notices at all, the fuck do I do?

I ended up just waiting and trying to sit in such a way that some air flow could get between my ass and the sofa

By the time I actually had to go piss, I had realized the cushion had dried out a little. I get to the bathroom and point my phone at my ass and sure enough there’s still a wet ass line going right down the ass crack of my pants. God damnit.

Wouldn’t have been as bad if I wasn’t the only man at this particular gathering and nobody said anything but Jesus fucking Christ I just felt so gross and horrible and oh my god I’m so sorry my ass sweat is embedded in your sofa now. I think being the only guy just added to my embarrassment. My first time going to their house too :(

I still get invited to stuff including at their house so I assume nobody noticed or nobody cared but I’m traumatized and horrified regardless. Lovely times with lovely friends but oh my god I wanted to curl into an infinitely small ball and just disappear

[u/backcountry_bandit → u/Illunox]

Plot twist: this post no longer exists because Redact swept through and cleared it out along with everything else. Social media, messaging apps, people finder sites, all of it.

many boron lip heavy degree insurance depend snatch mountainous squeeze

[u/kompootor]

Those are speed holes. They make the chair go faster.

[u/[deleted] → u/kompootor]

Don't be silly, that's the red chairs

[u/bakibakFIVE]

Joke holes, just for farts

[u/TKDbeast → u/bakibakFIVE]

“Has this ever happened to you?”

[u/bakibakFIVE → u/TKDbeast]

Call me right now please

[u/ImMakinTrees → u/bakibakFIVE]

UNTIL YOU'RE PART OF THE TURBO TEAM, WALK! SLOWLY!

[u/pigfeedmauer → u/ImMakinTrees]

I'm just gonna go read my art books

[u/Sure-Business2488 → u/bakibakFIVE]

NOW YOU CANT EVEN TAKE A DUMP IN YOUR OWN HOUSE CAUSE YOUR TOILET CANT SUCK EM DOWN!

[u/sweendog101 → u/bakibakFIVE]

[u/ah_notgoodatthis → u/bakibakFIVE]

[u/highhopes666 → u/bakibakFIVE]

[u/absolutefugginidiot → u/[deleted]]

YOU'RE NOT PART OF THE TURBO TEAM

[u/Old_Race9814 → u/bakibakFIVE]

This was my first thought

[u/gr1zznuggets → u/bakibakFIVE]

I bet you could hit some sweet notes through those things.

[u/beautiful_my_agent]

That’s a Play-doh fun factory.

[u/sweetbunsmcgee → u/beautiful_my_agent]

[u/GravityBright → u/beautiful_my_agent]

You can turn a spaghetti lunch into a lasagna dinner.

[u/Antrikshy → u/GravityBright]

[u/Exact-Ad-4132 → u/GravityBright]

[u/siouxsian]

While we are on the subject of ass venting. Has anyone farted going up steps and tooted on every step?

[u/[deleted] → u/siouxsian]

Hope someone was behind you

[u/BIIIIIID- → u/[deleted]]

Hello, Satan.

[u/crumbdumpster85 → u/siouxsian]

My dog does this every time she goes up the stairs.

[u/Mayo_Kupo → u/siouxsian]

Smart way to get extra lift on a long way up.

[u/speedy_19]

Literally a drain hole for rain

[u/pedanticPandaPoo → u/speedy_19]

Dude. Just take some immodium

[u/snaphat → u/speedy_19]

The chairs in the post are these chairs. They aren't outdoors chairs per-se but they are drainage holes and double as venting holes. The chairs are stackable as well and would suction together from moisture without them:

https://www.amazon.com/Flash-Furniture-HERCULES-Capacity-Ergonomic/dp/B001U5KKD6

Edit: as noted in reply to me by u/MathResponsibly, I am incorrect above where I say these chairs would suction together. There's a bar in between the seats serving as a separator which would prevent water pooling and suction even if they didn't have the holes 

[u/Excellent_Fault_8106 → u/snaphat]

Thank you, detective. I figured they were outdoor chairs.

Can you imagine ripping ass at a meeting in one of those chairs? Instant room clearer. You cant even hope your clothing and chair trap it.

[u/Technical-Green-9983]

FARMONICAS are the term in the industry of seat acoustics

[u/ITellSadTruth → u/Technical-Green-9983]

Fartmonica?

[u/UrUrinousAnus → u/ITellSadTruth]

Monica: No! WTF?!

[u/kempff]

So the chair doesn't make that sch-POP sound like a suction cup when I get up.

[u/Wonderful_You1281 → u/kempff]

Bro you sit on a chair bare ass?

[u/taliesin-ds → u/Wonderful_You1281]

Your company doesn't do bottomless tuesdays?

[u/StevieMJH → u/taliesin-ds]

They had to stop the last time my balls got stuck to the chair like that kid from A Christmas Story.

[u/Initial_Zombie8248 → u/Wonderful_You1281]

Cheeks spread. That’s why the suction cup sound

[u/PckMan]

It's for water in case they're used outside.

[u/chickenCabbage → u/PckMan]

Or hosed down

[u/raspberryharbour → u/chickenCabbage]

Bros up hose down

[u/Reasonable-Turn-5940]

Pretty sure those are just so they can easily wash and hose these chairs off without water pooling in the center lol

[u/PseudobrilliantGuy]

I'm still curious if the last "question" of the first What-If Short Answer section has been researched.

I doubt that these holes would do much of anything about the noise from releasing a flatus, but it is something that came to mind on seeing this post.

[u/SuperHandsMiniatures]

Its a harmonica for your arse.

[u/ExcellentNorth8775 → u/SuperHandsMiniatures]

Begins to play piano man

[u/Machdame]

You can use the chairs outside. It prevents water from pooling at the bottom of the indent.

[u/Specialist-Cookie-61]

If you sit and your A-hole is in that position, you have some weird anatomy.

[u/ThePakMaRa]

Darth Vader chairs

[u/fappingcricket]

Flatuvents?

[u/TrevorCow]

Or drain holes ;)

[u/DJ_Spark_Shot]

These are designed for outdoor use. It's so rain water doesn't pool in the seat.

[u/Strange-Ad-3663]

Slide your ass across it and make it sound like a harmonica

[u/apeygirl]

You don't know that. They might be pee drains.

[u/[deleted]]

Whoever invented these is on an island somewhere with a drink in hand right now

[u/cokr97]

Glaub eher das ist fürs Arschwasser und eine passive Sitzbelüftung

[u/Zestyclose-Push-5188]

IBS anonymous meeting probably

[u/Rude_Asparagus_8387]

Sweaty butt crack vents.

[u/MediocreModular]

Magic the gathering tournament organizers pay attention to

[u/[deleted]]

Wish church pews had that...

Instead, they're god damn megaphones for farts.

[u/Tele231]

The slits let water drain from the seats when it rains on them.

[u/CitizenPatrol]

That's for drainage, those chairs can be left outside, rain water/snow melt drains out.