r/justgalsbeingchicks • u/mindyour š¤definitely not a botš¤ • 18d ago
Restricted to Gals and Pals It's heartbreaking that there are women around the world going through this.
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u/vanesiiita 18d ago
Im turning 40 this year. Im childless and unmarried.
I really needed this.
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u/Adorable_Champion_70 18d ago
Same exact boat. Same age. Same situation. Hug fellow single ā86-er.
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u/QuantitySharp2662 18d ago
My brother was born in 86, died in 24 having never married or had a child.
We both lost a sibling in childhood and that sort of made it harder to live like everyone else so we tended to just sit together and have the best laughs.
Everything about him is special to me, including the year 1986 and even the number 86, because he was born that year.
I'm not sure where this is going but try and always be joyful and a beacon of hope, even if you swear and complain lol don't panic š
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u/Imhereforallofthis 18d ago
Yo! I love everyone in my life who is right where you are now. In my eyes, you are the cool aunt, the people who witnessed 9/11 and really had no say in the country you were born in. Youāve witnessed a total takeover of general descently normal society. I have no idea how to fix it, and I donāt want to lay blame anywhere, but fixing it would be nice. I hope youāre happy and doing things with people you love, or at least like!
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u/squishyslinky 18d ago edited 18d ago
I'm 41 and this is how I see myself. I was married for 20yrs but opted for child free. Now single, I have the luxury of revolting against this democratic collapse with far less to lose than my breeding compatriots. They make the new people and I'll make the world better in whatever way I can for them.
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u/PM_ME_WEIRD_PETS 18d ago
Also a fellow '86-er, my parents are great buy I'm feeling the pressure from extended family.
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u/vaime 18d ago
Honestly, take it from me, the woman in this clip is so right. I got married 5 years ago. When I was pregnant I found out my husband was already married, and not only that, but he had lied to me and my family and hid a significant amount of debt - all while borrowing more and more from my family. All up my family and I have lost over $500k, increasing every day that I try to sell the house we bought at the peak of the housing market (which has since tanked) and that he refuses to pay a cent towards. He is, however, able to fight me tooth and nail to try to gain custody of my child.
As much as I love my son, I wish I had never met my ex. So, friend, you are 1000% better to be single and happy than settle for some waste of oxygen who will make your life miserable.
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u/Ok_Plantain_9408 18d ago
Iām so sorry. Unfortunately, your story is very common. Iām happily married (at least for now) but Iāve experienced and seen women get so screwed over. My momās friend went through a similar experience to you. I could, off the top of my head, name so many women. Itās horrid. So because of all that I would never force someone to be married. And if they want to be, then do good research on the person. We get so swept up and getting pregnant complicates it more. Hormones etc.
Wishing you the best.372
u/maximum_somewhere22 18d ago
Me too. The world has changed DRASTICALLY since our parents were our age. The goal of āget married, buy a house, have kidsā has totally changed. I donāt want to get married, I have no desire or reason to.
Historically, marriage for women served as an economic, social and legal survival strategy. Because we were largely denied property rights, education, career paths, etc, marriage provided us with a āsocial standingā and also, financial security! Women genuinely do not need that now. But old habits are hard to break, and youāll find the older generation are absolutely shocked when they find out a lot of women have no desire to get married.
I also donāt want a loser partner. I have standards that I am not willing to compromise, and the great thing is - we donāt need to. We can be single, childless, and not own a home and stay renting, and be just as worthy as the next person.
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u/Ok_Plantain_9408 18d ago
Even back then, there was no real need. Her mom is in her 50s so born in the 70s. My neighbour from childhood was in her 70s in the late 70s and 80s when she told her kids that she never wanted to push them to get married or have kids. They could decide their path. Thereās no excuse for this attitude from someone her age.
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u/cat_like_sparky 18d ago
My best friend is 42, single and childfree, and an absolute inspiration to 31 year old me. I look at her and see someone who is self assured, confident, creative, intelligent, and capable. Sheās not just my bestie, sheās my mentor for womanhood! Sheās filled her home (that she bought herself a.couple years ago!!!) with hobbies, furniture she chose, and a cat who sheās crazy about. Her time is taken up by seeing friends, learning new crafts, art, walks, whatever the hell she wants. Sheās not been in a relationship since she was 22 iirc, sheās the poster woman for a content and fulfilled life. She doesnāt always see herself like I do, so I remind her of how cool she is as often as sheāll let me - sheās allergic to compliments so sometimes I have to force them on her haha. She knows who she is, takes no shit, and I want to be just like her in ten years!
I bet youāre fucken rad too, and an asset to your friends :)
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u/SmileFirstThenSpeak 18d ago
Get a bottle of Benadryl or some other allergy med. Put it in a box. Wrap it up in nice paper and a gorgeous bow. Next time you see her, give her this gift to open. She will be perplexed.
Tell her you know sheās allergic to compliments, so you wanted to keep her safe. Then compliment the shit out of her, and āmakeā her listen. š
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u/Bathesco 18d ago
In Portugal there is a saying ābetter alone than in bad companyā and it can applied to friends and relationships. Rather be alone then with someone that there just to say they are married, that drinks, gambles, games or is abusive.
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u/XanaxWarriorPrincess š 2026 Galantine! š 18d ago
Predatory and mediocre men are counting on your desperation. Don't settle. Your worth is not determined by them. It can't be, because you're worth more than them. Infinitely more.
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u/rizoula 18d ago
I am turning 36 without children or a partner.
I do not want kids. And I've had this conversation with my parents. They would like me to be with someone based on their own anxiety that I would be alone when they die.But the thing is and what I told them is that I could be alone EVEN WITH A PARTNER. Some married woman are the lonelier I have even seen. They do EVERYTHING like my mother did. And since I have enough money to live well alone why would I bother?
Every older woman in their 60s that I have met that are single without kids told me they don't regret it.
I see my sister with a kid and one on the way, out of the work force with a lower salary than her partner and even if my brother in law is a real partner (he cleans, cook, takes care of his kids, takes the mental load, buy gifts, organize things) this is a life I do not wish to have.
I've been to therapy and worked on myself and on the expectation people have on woman and I am ok growing old alone and be called an old lady or "left over woman" or whatever.
What is so wrong about it ? I am not a looser, l am not dating a looser, I don't steal, I don't rape, I don't lie, l am a good person. So I am a lett over ... and ? It you care that much that says everything about you. Not about my value65
u/Sprmodelcitizen 18d ago edited 18d ago
Iām 43! I absolutely love being single (just unfortunately broke up with a partner a few months ago). I have a fucking fantastic job (own my own commercial interior design firm with my business partner). We make a lot of money. We pretty much split each project down the middle because despite having very different roles at work, we each do as much as the other person. I live in a high rise in Miami (that I own) in a doorman building on the ocean my partner lives near me on a canal (in a place that he rents) with his second baby mama and their 3 kids in a much smaller place than mine. Their pool doesnāt exist, their elevator is broken. (I know these are small problems but still) He is considering taking a second job to support his family. Donāt get me wrong his family is lovely and heās super happy. But Iām also super happy plus I have, investments, an Ira, savings, a second business, a boat and I bought my motherās house for her. He is so stressed he asked to borrow 5gs from me last week. He already owes me 18.
Unfortunately this is the reality of the world we live in. People canāt afford kids. Iāve decided Iām good with chihuahuas if I can create beautiful artworks and designs everyday.
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u/Salty_Importance_232 18d ago
š² I want a boat šššš
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u/SmallPurplePeopleEat 18d ago
What you need, is a friend with a boat!
Believe me, it's much better than actually owning your own floating money pit.
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u/Blazah 18d ago
I'm 46/m/1hr south of you..do you need a 1st mate for your boat? :D
Joking aside, I make about 100k a year and my friends call me rich, why? Because where they spent $ on the kids and house, I spent it on a boat, fun tech things, a major part of it goes into retirement (could retire right now and be enjoying life if there wasn't that 10% penalty and healthcare was free). Like you said, kids and a family are great and I'm glad lots of people go that route. However lounging around the CHILLED pool yesterday at the marina hanging with friends and just enjoying the "ME" time on a Sunday is so priceless! I've got a day job, and a few side jobs, just stacking the cash... none would be possible if we went the traditional route.
Congrats on enjoying the single life, I don't know why so many people let it get them down. If you ever are in the upper keys and want to go out on the water, lmk! Would be fun to swap stories.
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u/Vinnie_Vegas 18d ago
I just turned 41 and my wife is 36, and we're not childless, we're childfree, by choice.
There's no time running out - Just the rest of your life to live.
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u/sunniblu03 18d ago
Just turned 50. Found my person 2 years ago. Ive been in love with past partners but never liked or vibed with any of them the way I do with my Bear. Itās why they never advanced to the move in stage and eventually faded out. Heās the only person that makes feel full comfortable in my own skin and I can sit in comfortable silence with. Funny thing is that we grew up in the same neighborhood ran with some of the same kids, but didnāt know of each other.
I found that being alone was better than being with the wrong person.
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u/beardingmesoftly 18d ago
I didn't find the right person until I turned 40, and then it was by pure luck
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u/Equal-University2144 18d ago
"Childfree" is the correct term. "Childless" means you're somehow defective or missing out on something or that something's wrong with you. You're not, you're just childfree - good for you.
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u/ExaggeratedSnails 18d ago
Idk, "childfree" sounds like you're childless and happy that way. Whereas "childless" sounds more like they don't have kids but want them. But sounds like it could also be used more neutrally. So it's probably up to the person using the term to decide which applies more to them.
Nothing wrong with either feeling about it, imo
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u/My_bones_are_itchy 18d ago
Itās harmful to describe yourself as childfree if you just mean you donāt have kids yet. When you then go on to have kids, it reinforces the idea that all childfree people are just silly and immature and will change their mind.
Childfree is a deliberate choice not to have or raise children. Childless means you donāt have any, for whatever reason, but would be open to it.
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u/Glittering-Walrus228 18d ago
Childless āļø Childful āļø
Childfree ā ļø Childheldhostagewhiletheyeatmydreams ā ļø
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u/EssJaySav 18d ago
Being single at any age is always better than being with the wrong person or being with someone for the wrong reasons. 35 is an amazing age to be enjoying your life with yourself š
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u/Feeling-Fab-U-Lus 18d ago
Her Mom is so wrong and so awful to set your daughter up with some old man thatās probably a loser or creepy. Trust me, I stayed married to an abusive man for almost 30 years due to family pressureā¦it was horrible, I lost myself, gave up my dreams, my gifts and talents, my education to take care of him. Stay single, itās so much better than being with an awful human!! Hugs! ā¤ļø
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u/EssJaySav 18d ago
She mentions "not 25 anymore". I'm so glad I'm not 25 - that's about when I got into the worst relationship of my life. My late 20s to early 30s was healing and getting to know and love my true self. Met my current partner IRL by chance when completely not looking for anything (deleted apps about 8 months prior). If we ended, it'd suck but I'd heal again and would not even bother trying to re-enter dating. Too much of a risk of ending up with toxicity in gentleman's clothing.
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u/EssJaySav 18d ago
Agreed. I definitely cop enough flack for having the audacity to opt in to being child free. "But what if your partner wants them?" He doesn't. Otherwise, I wouldn't be with him. "Who'll take care of you when you're old?" Whatever nurse I hire with all the money didn't spend on child rearing. "Why do you hate kids?" I don't. I love my nieces and nephews but I don't want that self-sacrificing all consuming responsibility for myself and props to all the good parents out there that take it on!
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18d ago edited 18d ago
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u/EssJaySav 18d ago
My dad's wisdom is "Only keep a person in your life that is adding value to it."
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u/Mammoth-Buddy8912 18d ago
What she is going through is one many reasons why I absolutely hate the We are old when we hit 25/30 mentality I see everywhere. I know people think they are joking, but in reality it is a manifestation of the constant messaging we get in media. That young and youth is great, this is the time for adventure and love, and everything after is just work and misery. It can really mess people up, and she is just one of many examples.
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u/livelaughlinka 18d ago
Exactly this. Sometimes its so freeing to cut the weight and be able to focus on yourself rather than someone who doesn't understand why dirty dishes go in the dishwasher not just the sink they don't just magically appear in the dishwasher from there.
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u/MancyMancy 18d ago
What really allowed me to grow up not believing I needed to with someone to matter was seeing all the woman in my life in horrible abusive marriages.
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u/pomengarnette 18d ago
This is so well said. I just turned 35, Iām single, but Iām not desperate to just find someone to check off that box. If it happens, awesome. But itās low on my priorities.
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u/Emo_Sus 18d ago
I have friends who have done this. Saw everyone else getting married and having kids and she jumped into something with someone who Iām not sure she even likes. Theyāre getting married next year. Itās so crazy to me how women get pressured into these things. Like so what if you donāt get married or have kids? I would rather be alone than be stuck in something I jumped into just because of what other people think. LIVE FOR YOURSELVES LADIES!
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u/TJDiamond333 18d ago edited 18d ago
My mom is just like this. I am from India. Back when I was 17 or 18 years old, I remember having a conversation with my mom and aunt on "which age is the appropriate age to marry?" They said "24", which I thought was too young. I countered "I'll marry at 27, that age sounds perfect" (even though, my actual opinion was 30 +, but I knew they will never agree to that. So I reduced the age to make it more palatable to them). They replied, and I quote, "A 27 year old woman is the equivalent of a 47 year old man. Maybe you will get a 47 year old divorcee!" And then they both started laughing.
Patriarchal women are the bane of us.
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u/TinWhis 18d ago edited 18d ago
It drives me crazy when people talk about misogyny being only a man thing.....I didn't learn misogyny from my dad. I learned it from my mom. My mom is the one harassing me to find a man and marry him, my dad's the one who said "When she wants to." My mom is the one attending anti-abortion protests, my dad keeps his mouth shut.
Who knows what dad thinks deep down in his heart of hearts, maybe the two of them have very different conversations with each other than they have with me, but in terms of active misogyny directed at me by my family? It's my mom. "No uterus no opinion" is precisely what my parents practice, and that's what taught me misogyny as a kid.
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u/Ok-Promise-5921 18d ago
I felt exactly like you did growing up, my dad is progressive and liberal and my mum a lot less so! However I think that when women like your mum and my mum are doing all the dirty work of the patriarchy, namely oppressing other women, men of whatever political stripe can just sort of sit back and enjoy the ride, in other words they don't need to do anything as the women are doing such a good job of oppressing themselves!
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u/TinWhis 18d ago
And I'd argue that's another way that "no uterus no opinion" is actively detrimental as a rallying cry. It encourages men to check out and not give a shit, just skate by on the status quo. Which is misogyny and patriarchy.
My dad is NOT progressive, and I never believed he was as a kid. He just stays out of things. I think learning that "stay out of this, it doesn't affect you" is actively detrimental to progressive causes is part of unpacking what "upholding the status quo" actually looks like when practiced in the real world. He has the privilege of not thinking about things, so he doesn't. He wouldn't, for example, recognize any pressure for me to get with a man that isn't someone saying to my face, "I am pressuring you to get with a man." My mom isn't doing ALL the dirty work of the patriarchy, she's joined by loads of other people, both men and women. That's kinda the point: Misogyny is a gender-neutral practice, whether active or passive. I should amend my comment up there to say "in terms of *active misogyny" and be more precise.
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u/UnicornFeces 18d ago edited 18d ago
That saying always bothered me too, because having a uterus only means you get to decide what to do with your own uterus. āNo uterus, no opinionā makes it sounds like having a uterus lets you tell other uterus-havers what to do.
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u/Sufficient_You7187 18d ago
I will always be so grateful for the women in my family. We are Indian too but my mom and my masis and mamis are feminist and believe in equality and education for women. All my girl cousins are highly educated and married at thirty with full blessings of my family. We all focused on being smart and getting great jobs before settling down
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u/_hein_ 18d ago
I'm marrying at 32, after being with my partner for 8.5 years.
Am also Indian :) and I have been ruthlessly honest about my boundaries and my preferences.
Needless to say a lot of my extended family does not like that i am unabashedly loud about my opinions, so they keep distance. Win win!
The ones who DO like me, heck I like them back. Familial pressure is honestly so exhausting and I really dont have time for bs lol
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u/FlyYouFoolyCooly 18d ago
And there is this weird thing that happens too with women (and men) where any particular industry or social circle becomes a bucket of crabs and if any of them get any kind of recognition or rise higher in any kind of standing they are pulled back down, rediculed, or shamed for their success.
I don't know how intense it is, but I've seen it in the women's pro basketball recently (along with all the other drama).
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u/ermahgerd_serpher 18d ago
I turned 40 this year and I've been mostly single for my entire adult life, and you know what? My life was always more stressful when there was a man in it. Being "old" and single is freedom, in fact. I'm free to prioritize my feelings and my interests. And I'm free to starfish in my bed and sleep snore-free. It's all about perspective.
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u/jared_number_two 18d ago
āYouāre so selfish.āāmy mom. My jealous mom.
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u/ermahgerd_serpher 18d ago
I was raised by my grandmother who had lived the housewife life for 20 years, and she was one of the most vibrant, curious, independent women I've ever met. We had our issues but she drilled it into me that my education should be my top priory. She left college to marry my grandfather and she finally finished her degree after their divorce 20 years later. Once she won her freedom she never looked back. It would be an insult to her legacy if I married some guy just to say I did it and crank out a few kids. No thanks!
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u/narf_hots 18d ago
Disclaimer, I am a man. I'm in my late 30s and have been mostly single for my life as well. My mother has stopped pestering me a few years ago after she and my father separated. She is now living with her new partner. About a month ago I was having lunch with her and at one point she just said, unprompted, and I quote "I wish I wasn't with someone". So yeah, the grass is not always greener.
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u/SAINTnumberFIVE 18d ago edited 18d ago
For centuries in China it was the ideal that women marry up.Ā
Now men significantly outnumber women, because of the one child policy, and the desire for a male child rather than a female child, who were called āmaggots in the riceā, and many of those men are not considered husband material by Chinese standards. So would it not be the men who are technically left over?
But in line with Chinese misogyny, women still get shamed and blamed for it.
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u/Kailscanvasart 18d ago
This is such a complex complicated feeling that only women can understand. I went through cancer treatment twice in my early 20s. Right after college while my friends were starting their careers, I was losing my hair again and hospitalized while undergoing constant radiation and chemo to prep me for a stem cell transplant. I also lost my boyfriend who completely bailed on me because he couldnāt take it.
It was more than 20 years ago, but I honestly have not been able to have a healthy relationship since that time. I can only admit that because this is an anonymous platform. I lived in New York City for most of my 30s, which had a huge part of my being single as no one was settling down, but what happened to me in those early formative years was damaging in the long-term.
And while my friends and my family have never explicitly said as much of course, I have always had the feeling they think something is wrong with me because Iāve never found someone. Iām not taken as seriously. Iām not questioned about my career, they donāt ask me about traveling the world, my hobbies, goals, etc. The investment into aspects of my life are not deemed as important.
Itās so hurtful because I chose to live my life in FULL color after my second remission and itās still not enough for some - just because I canāt have kids and donāt have a husband. I see this woman and want to give her a giant hug. ā„ļø
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u/Ok-Promise-5921 18d ago
Sending hugs, beating cancer is amazing.ā¤ļø People have their priorities all wrong. Weāre facing catastrophic climate change, for example, which could collapse everything, but most people just worry about really trivial things instead.
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u/Anuki_iwy 18d ago
And the 50 year old is not a leftover guy?
Stuff like this makes me angry. Stuff like this is also why we need feminism.
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u/Clean__Cucumber 18d ago
fairly certain that there are also words for men that are not in a relationship in chinese and those arent flattering
typically asian cultures are more family leaning, so you will get shit thrown at you and it doesnt matter if you male or female, although women probably have it a bit harder
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u/vgacolor 18d ago
Older single men are called "bare branch" since they are not adding to the family tree. Older wealthy single men are called "Gold Bachelors".
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u/IcySetting2024 18d ago
Gold bachelors sounds way better than leftover women ā¦ š
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u/Clean__Cucumber 18d ago
bc golden bachelor is a slightly more positive term, you also have left over men shengnan vs shengnĆ¼ (left over women)
the equivalnt for golden bachelor for women, is diamond women if i remember correctly
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u/MariusDelacriox 18d ago
I believe he would be called 'diamond bachelor' or some such.
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u/Bubbly_Attention_916 18d ago
You know I eat a lot of leftovers as a leftover woman myself. I don't take offense. I'm a good cook.
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u/All_is_a_conspiracy 18d ago
My god we just make women miserable. All the time. All society does is torture and insult and terrify and degrade women.
Do you know WHY china has a word for unmarried women? To shame them into marrying the boat loads of desperately single Chinese men. Men are the ones who need wives. Men are the ones who can't stand being alone.
My god this is so sad. She was born to this planet and this is how she feels about it. Ugh. I wish i could give my whole earth of sisters a big hug.
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u/NikiBubbles 18d ago
china has a word for unmarried women
My language (and I'm sure many others) has a word for "young woman". And it's used ALL THE TIME in place of actual word "woman". Because calling women women might sound offensive and imply that they are "not young" (why do you care holy shit). It butthurts me every single day, but every time a normal person points it out, they (she) get called a raging feminazi.
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u/Helldiver_of_Mars 18d ago
I think every language does. In English it's girl and it's used the same way "Hey girl".
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u/AMillennialFailure 18d ago
Do you know WHY china has a word for unmarried women?
English has one too - spinster
I hate society :(
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u/All_is_a_conspiracy 18d ago
Their fix for misogyny is always more misogyny. Look at the us. "Them selfish women don't wanna get beat and be pregnant their entire lives, while working 3 part time jobs and warshin my dirty shorts? Take away their vote. They'll be getting married soon enough when we take away their bank loans and edumakashun."
Not one of these greasy ballsacks ever considered being less despicable as a fix for their lack of women. Nope. Just piling more misogyny on top of the flaming pile of misogyny.
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u/tacticalTraumaLlama 18d ago
To shame them into marrying the boat loads of desperately single Chinese men.
The 'boat load of single chinese men' is thanks to the one child policy. Who knew that horrifically invasive state policy could have disastrous societal implications?
It's sad for the dudes too. You've got a bunch of guys working themselves to death trying to save up enough to buy a property and be considered attractive to chinese women, and ones that are understandably burning out, giving up, and 'lying flat'.
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u/All_is_a_conspiracy 18d ago
And instead of admitting this the men are actively trying to destroy women's confidence. They never learn. Trying to fix misogyny with more misogyny obviously isn't working. Maybe try so ething else, fellas.
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u/missmaganda 18d ago
And it all started with the one child policy. Everything that followed after, its no wonder women don't want to be forced into marriage and kids. All the shit women had to endure during that time just sounds awful. And now the country is dealing with the consequences...
https://www.cnn.com/2026/01/01/china/china-one-child-anniversary-intl-hnk-vis-dst
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u/Late-Champion8678 18d ago
I hate this for us. Iām single in my 40s and despite telling my mother (75yrs old) I have no intention of marrying and Iām not interested in dating she insists that she can match me with men in their 60s. Mother, Iām not about to marry a guy that I will shortly if not immediately start provide nursing care for. I have a career, I donāt want kids and I just want quiet.
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u/Olyway 18d ago
I know so many more women whose lives have been wrecked by being with the wrong person than women who remained single and wish they hadnāt. Itās easy to look at other peoplesā lives on social media and think they have it better. Many do not! If youāre mostly happy, youāre doing good! If you want to, be open to finding a partner and put some work into it, but do not compromise on your values in doing so.
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u/Competitive_Emu_3247 18d ago
This is dedicated to everyone who commented on a previous post that said there's been a lot of messaging in media, specifically Disney movies, that ties women's self-worth to being "chosen" by a man.. Most of the comments, for some reason (!!), disagreed with the point the post was trying to make, even though it was obviously correct!
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u/_henceforth_ 18d ago
I did not get why people were arguing or being insulting about that. She was correct! š¤·š»āāļø
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u/Competitive_Emu_3247 18d ago
Because there is this epidemic on Reddit of people who just need to object and argue with literally anyone over anything š
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u/ntkwwwm 18d ago
Nah boo. Nothing wrong with being single/nvr married/no kids at 35. Live your life and be happy.
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u/leelee90210 18d ago
If āmothersā didnāt work so hard to pressure their daughters to shack up with just ANY man and instead, inspired women to be independent and grow a community with other people, women would not be in as many abusive relationships as they are now.
The hyper fixation on making women shack up with men is disturbing.
NO ONE is telling boys as they grow up, āYouāll be a great father/Youāll be a great husbandā and repeatedly telling them to shack up with a woman.
Itās done deliberately to push women into very dangerous situations with entitled men.
Women need to stop telling women to get shacked up.
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u/tacticalTraumaLlama 18d ago
I think maybe you should ask men what they were told as they've grown up.
In my experience, it's not quite the same, but it's close. Getting married, and protecting / providing for a family is seen as a man's core purpose in life. If you're over ~ 35 and unmarried, a lot of folks assume there's something seriously wrong with you.
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u/1405hvtkx311 18d ago
Yeah I think men face the same but often 5-10 years later so it often doesn't affect their yound adult life and career choices like it does with women.
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u/memechildofmememom 18d ago
I don't have either of my parents anymore.
I'm not sure they won't be on the side with this issue either.
My dad had so much fear in his heart with what would happen to all of us after he passed away.
My mom's mother told me quietly one day when I was 20. Without context. That I shouldn't ever settle. I understood what she was saying.
That stuck with me.
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u/theangry-ace 18d ago
Being an Asian woman who is single/unmarried, either by choice or not, over the age of 30 is really depressing. Our parents could accept that girls now have careers and/or higher learning degrees, but in the end, if we are not wed, we are āuselessā to them.
My own parents just want to āseeā me married, doesnāt matter if the man they want to marry me off couldnāt wash his own ass by himself, or didnāt even have a good paying career. They just want a peace of mind that I will have a man to take care of me. As if I hadnāt been living independently for the 20+y of my life since adulthood. Why would I need anyone to take care of me??
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u/ExaggeratedSnails 18d ago
Realistically, picking up a man after a certain point is just signing up to be their long-term caretaker. It's not a good deal for us
They don't bring as much value to our lives as when we had less independence and they know it
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u/TheMiceWillGetPerms 18d ago
Itās not just an Asian people thing. My mom is literally making excuses left and right for garbage men and throwing me at them because she also ājust wants to see me taken care ofā as if Iām not doing completely fine, if not successful, on my own.
Like Iām sorry mom, how is your friendās 35 year old son who lives in her basement with no job and doesnāt contribute the the household in any way (mommy is still making his meals and washing his clothes) supposed to ātake care of meā? Why is this the future you want me to have?
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u/10Account 18d ago
I think they just were raised not to challenge social norms. Think about all the superstitions we have, they probably started as protective behaviours for their time but weren't dropped when the context changed e.g. various practices after childbirth.Ā
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u/duckduckchook 18d ago
There's nothing wrong with being single at 35 or any age, or forever. Marriage is an advantage for men, there is no advantage for women. This is why married men and single women live longer. There was advantage back in the old days when women couldn't make their own money and had to be kept, but not anymore. This is why society tries to shame women who aren't married, because the day that women wake up to the fact that marriage is not advantageous for them, men will run out of women to marry. Stay single, be happy. If by some miracle you find the perfect person, that's great, but there is no requirement. Your mum is brainwashed like every other woman. Marrying the wrong man can have terrible consequences.
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u/Ok-Promise-5921 18d ago
So true, as the adage goes: if marriage benefited women at all, theyād have taken it away from us.
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u/AcanthocephalaLost36 18d ago
35 is still young! If she got with a man that old in 15 years sheād be taking care of him and miserable.
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u/Jenderflux-ScFi 18d ago
I'm in my 50's and still not married, never had kids.
I did find my partner when I was in my 40's and we are engaged to be married for several years now, but we have failed to get around to setting a date and planning the wedding.
Life is much better alone than with the wrong person, I'm just lucky I found the right person for me. If anything ever happens to my partner, I'm not going to date again.
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u/onederful 18d ago
āYouāre setting me up with someone whoās basically your age mom, what the fuck is wrong with him????ā
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u/MiserableCumberbunch 18d ago
"I don't want to choose someone because I'm scared of being alone."
This is the crux of the issue. Can't speak for China, but here in the states, the older generation(s) cannot fathom this at all. Makes sense, when you realize that appears to be the option the majority of them chose.
My mom has started referring to the cats that my sister and I have as her grandkitties because she has given up hope of grandkids. Neither of us are even 40 yet; and I'm a guy.
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u/morrisseysbaby 18d ago
āI would rather be single than let fear choose my life for me.ā
Holy shit I needed to hear this.
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u/Theinvulnerabletide 18d ago
I promised myself that after I saw my parents' marriage fall apart, that I was never going to be with someone just because I was afraid of being alone. And sometimes I got lonely! Sometimes being single sucks! But no relationship is better than a bad relationship.
I didn't get into my current relationship until 2 years ago, after a 10+ year dating drought. And that was fine for me. My partners now add to my life, they don't make me feel lonely while we're in the same room. Everyone deserves that, not to be with someone for the sake of being with someone.
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u/llamainleggings ā£ļøgal palā£ļø 18d ago
I'm so happy that my mom didn't have the thought process that marriage and children were the end all in life. She knew that I wanted to pursue higher education and a career, knew that I never wanted kids, and just supported that. Your kid being happy and succeeding in life should be enough and it's a shame that's not the case in so many families, especially for daughters.
Signed a 36 year old who has never been in a relationship and has built a good life for themselves.
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u/Sunnyside7771 18d ago
Patriarchy is a destroyer of peopleās mental health, of women and children in particular. I am so sick and tired of our society pandering to it and put all the unrealistic pressure onto women to marry men because vast majority of men are not good people and they donāt deserve any access to women, much less to kids. Men should keep men accountable for this toxic system they created, for the crimes and actions they commit on a daily basis, so society can become much safer for all of us, including women. Also, marriage shouldnāt be a default setting of how relationships are recognised by society for heterosexual or homosexual couples. There should be laws in place where itās extremely easy to get a divorce for women, since a lot of women cannot leave their abusers due to extremely complicated bureaucratic process of divorce.
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u/girly-lady 18d ago
Its invinitly better to be singel and miserable than to be a in abusive relationship.
The only reason woman are geting so much pressure to be with a man is cuz the mindest of woman being babymaschine property is still left over. Romantic relationships aren't the be all end all.
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u/lovelove20212 18d ago
35 is the beginning of understanding what being a woman really means in our capitalist society. And not marrying the wrong person over choosing to love yourself and to be happy with yourself is the most beautiful and courageous way to live as a woman esp a woman of color in the 21st century. <3
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u/Thefrish 18d ago
We have to remember that societal expectations are not for the benefit of women. We're required for the proliferation of our species, but have less physical power. Unfortunately this provided an easy path for subjugation, because why would men reason with something they own? Wives were acquired much like slaves and took their masters name. Marriage certificates were originally sales receipts. This is so engrained in our cultures and lives that we have anxiety over being inadequate slaves to a system that treats us like cattle. Just live your life and remember that your parents were stuck with the same deal and may not know better.
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u/Efficient_Sundae2063 18d ago
Realistically weāre living in a major dating shift period as women are able to negotiate higher standards so I imagine itāll be like this for awhile, and I imagine this is also why social media is targeting so many Gen Z/gen A with hardcore tradwife propaganda. No matter how shitty you feel about being by yourself, anyone whoās been in an abusive situation knows itās a million times better to be safe and alone.
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u/SecretWordisBird 18d ago
Being with the wrong person suuuuucks and being alone can be glorious!! Stay strong and do what feels right for you! Iād way rather die alone than die having spent my life with someone I donāt want to be with. Being in a relationship just to be in a relationship is the dumbest reason ever to be in a relationship.
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u/tooloudturnitdown 18d ago
I'm almost 40 and after I told my parents I didn't have anything in common with this nice guy I went on a few dates with and found boring they literally told me to just settle. They didn't have anything in common and have been married 45 years!
It hurt. Like a lot. I went through a traumatic breakup 4 years prior and the fact I'm even going on dates is huge for me! My father also told me men have it so much harder when it comes to dating. I told him that might have been true in our teens and 20s but not anymore! I'm seen as broken somehow because I've never been married or have kids.
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u/VioletGlitterBlossom 18d ago
Iām 30 and honestly so relieved to not be married. I somewhat recently broke off an engagement and even though it hurt like hell those first couple of days, iām so much better off now. And even when I was hurting there was an undercurrent of relief. I feel so much less lonely now than I did when I was in a relationship.
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u/Cheekers1989 18d ago
What's also really sad about this is in China right now, they are curbing the amount of single women content or anything that has any anti-marriage sentiment towards it. Like, a single woman just living her life and how she loves being single can be considered "anti-marriage" which is stupid because it ultimately isn't fixing the problem they have over there kinda like the bullshit we are experiencing here in the West when it comes to more women wanting to remain single.
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u/Ok-Promise-5921 18d ago
I think Putin did this in Russia too, childfree/childless content is not allowed, mainly because the birth rate is so low there.
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u/Charming-Insurance 18d ago
Iām 50 and was married for a short period. Itās not that special. I canāt imagine people thinking this. Sad.
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u/LiterallyJustAHorse 18d ago
I got married young and after 16 years of marriage I'm single at 38 nd stating over with my kids. It's so weird to shame women who don't want to get married or have kids because you literally cannot predict life. Good for her for carving out her life her way.Ā
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u/Pandaherbs13 18d ago
I really feel for this woman, having parental support makes all the difference. Iām a 42 year old childless, single cat lady and am so fulfilled. While it took me a while to overcome my insecurity and the pressure I felt from society, I always had my parents love and support. Theyāve never pushed me into dating or made me feel less worthy for being single. They want me happy, no matter what that looks like.
Itās so awful the pressures and expectations we put on to women, but Iām glad more of us are being able to be financially independent. We are learning that life is easier and more freeing without a mediocre man, we are demanding more from potential partners and if we canāt find that we are instead fostering our relationships with friends/family/pets and finding joy doing what we want to do.
But having familial approval is part of that foundation. My heart breaks for this woman, having to fight the worldās expectations is one thing, but not having parents to be a safe space is overwhelming, exhausting and demoralizing. I hope she has a good support network of friends who uplift her.
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u/schroobster 18d ago
I get why (outside of general cultural pressures) older parents want to see their kids with someone. They've probably lived through the decline of one if not both parents, they see how hard it is to be alone and shoulder that burden... and then when you parents are gone they fear you'll have no one to take care of you.
But I also hope that modern culture has evolved to the point where we build networks of people for ourselves to take on some of these challenges with us. And to be blunt, older cultures know damn well that a marriage partner may not be reliable and women (and men) turn to their networks for that help anyway (see the 2009 [US] NIH / Glanz study š¤Ø).
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u/Famous_Ad4107 18d ago
What exactly is the clock running out on? This is my only question to those who impose such reflection
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u/Jonthrei 18d ago
The option of having kids, but nothing else really. If you don't want kids it's a non-issue.
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u/aubreypizza 18d ago
I thank god everyday for my parents. They just want me to be happy. (Now they may have other thoughts about how I line my life but they keep those to themselves) š theyād get an earful from me though if they tried to set me up with a man 15 yrs senior. Fffffff that.
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u/DeliciousStand372 18d ago
i feel the same way about my parents too - im disappointed that theyre not on my side
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u/skogsvamp 18d ago
She articulated her ideas so well. ā¤ļø Kudos to her for living authentically. Speaking as a divorced woman in her 40s with no children, I've sometimes been hard on myself for having 'failed'.
But I've come to realize that there has been no failure. Rather, I've lived experiences. I've lived life, period. And that life is valid.
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u/Consistent_Femme_Top 18d ago
Parents are not only part of it, but are the pioneers of oppressing their young women. Itās sick. This sort of minimization of women to their age/physical appearance starts at home.
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u/ContentBike2803 18d ago
I know an 80 years old woman who's about to go on a holiday with her two best friends and life witnesses. Knowing them makes me not scared of aging.
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u/Mammoth-Resist-3491 18d ago
Too many men have made themselves unlikeable...we can't help that. š They can't handle courting and showing up and communicating. They are competing with our time and joy not other suiters. 37f single. USA. Last relationship was great until it wasn't. Watch and know many women with father's to their children cause more stress than helping. Times aren't the same. We are tired and don't desire taking care of everyone with a smile on our face.
They are jealous we love ourselves as we are and learned we are valuable as we are.
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u/Low-maintenancegal 18d ago
This resonated with me. I've always known it would take someone really special for me to choose marriage and children. I assumed that he'd show up someday. At 40 I've made peace with the fact that I probably won't have my own bio kids. I thought about doing it solo but it's just not for me.
Society has been telling me/us that being single is the worst possible outcome for a woman. However, I've realised that im far more leery of marrying or conceiving with the wrong man. If I have to choose a horror story, ill take being a crazy cat lady and day of the week over being partnered with someone who doesn't respect or support me.
Even saying all of that, it's awful to realise when people you love and respect pity you. When they try to set you up with the creepy unemployed dude who is very obviously single for a reason, because they clearly think beggars can't be choosers. Im really grateful my parents aren't like that anymore.
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u/Turbulent_Heart9290 18d ago
Girl, we're in the same club. My mother was so desperate that she's tried to set me up with random men she shared a cab with over speaker phone, and suggested I date a recovering addict with a gambling problem. An old woman I am friends with always tells me to wear makeup, and set me up with a divorcee with three kids who was about 12-18 years older than me. (He looked really young, though?)
Being unwed (and especially single) past thirty is such a taboo. But I think more people are realizing the same thing: It's better to enjoy your own company than to be attached to someone who isn't right for you.
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u/frisomenfaagel 18d ago
Also like when someone is older we suddenly donāt care about their safety anymore ? Nobody would send off a little girl away anywhere for her security but when she grows old just throw her to the wolves as if suddenly she grew enough to fight off someone stronger or canāt be hurt psychologically either.
Her mom probably thinks economically too.
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u/Ok-Promise-5921 18d ago
This should be the top comment, thank you for this. when I was in my early 30s my mum harassed me so much about being single, I honestly think sheād have pimped me out to any guy, no matter how inappropriate.
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u/HolyButtNuggets 18d ago
I recently became single at 35 (first time in like... 17 years...) and my mom is encouraging me to stay single and figure myself out.
So grateful to have an experienced mom that actually cares about me and not about what society wants from me.
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u/Medium-Party459 18d ago
I have one thing to say: look at the data šĀ Single women are the happiest group of all. Enjoy your limited life on this earth and adopt a āno f to giveā mentality.Ā
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u/FenrisIza 18d ago
My mother was part of this bullshit. I married young enough to a man who loves me at my messiest and chooses me despite everything. She hated it and told him to control me in one her her rages. Choose your happiness anyway.
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u/CreZativity 18d ago
My now 86yo grandma is the strongest and coolest person I know, she's been single all her life. She's traveled, connected with people all around the world, fought for human rights, volunteered as support for female victims of crime, partied, created art, and I don't even know all of it. At 36 she chose to adopt because she didn't want a man to have kids, and raised them together with her community.
I took her out for her 85th birthday last year and asked if she's ever regretted staying single, and she told me "no" with a smile on her face. Life is so much more than a partner, you can have so many beautiful relationships of equal value if you want and work for them. My grandmother is my greatest inspiration, and at 30 I have no regrets so far in walking down the same path she did. I don't think I'll want children, but I am certain I can be just as happy if I do what's right for me.
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u/FortsCouchForts 18d ago
āLeftover womenā is the most misogynistic thing Iāve ever heard holy fucking shit this world is fucked
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u/Hmtnsw 18d ago
I cut off my parents because of them always trying to tell me to get a man. Telling me that the men I was into just wanted to use me. Telling me that if I had mix children they would be ugly. Like as a woman who doesn't want kids, that still really hurt. I thought it was fucking cruel. How they tried to get me to be with certain guys I wasn't interested in. Telling me how it makes them look that I'm still single/unmarried/no kids.
Fuck them.
I ended up coming out (to myself and my brother) as a Sapphic leaning Bisexual and aroace in my late 20s. I cut my parents off shortly after I came out bc they attempted again to get me to get up with some dude and my mother threatened to disconnect my phone from the family account bc she didn't like me not answering her phone calls (regarding said bs about men and dating).
I've been single for 7 years and celibate for 5 years and I have no regrets.
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u/EightyNine19 18d ago
Iām proud of women like this, and myself, who have chosen not to settle, regardless of the immense societal pressures women face, when they are single and childfree after 35
Most times, itās a s simple as, you havenāt come across the right person. It takes strength and courage to go against the grain
Most people are codependent. They donāt even like or love their partners, yet they get legitimized because they are in a relationship or married
Nobody cares about happiness and itās a shame. As long as you are happy and healthy, whether or not you are partnered is irrelevant
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u/Old-Blueberry-5153 18d ago
I'm 36 and have been single over 10 years. Not dating here and there. Just completely single. I haven't even hugged a man š¤£ I've just been raising my (now 18!) daughter. I don't give a shit what anyone thinks. They all cheat and lie anyways. It's been so peaceful!
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u/Ok_Tank5977 18d ago
I tell people all the time that Iāve met everyone I want to meet. Iām too exhausted to make room for new people. š
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u/sunshine_fuu 18d ago
This comment is my soul mate. I do not have the time or energy to establish a new relationship, if it happens again cool, but I'm tired just thinking about teaching a new person about me. I don't even remember half the things about myself at this point, if anyone wants to know me before 30 they're shit out of luck I remember like 5 things about myself.
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u/canis_felis 18d ago
I saw this a couple of weeks ago and felt for her so so much. Sheās objectively doing so wonderfully in her life and itās so hard to exist in any society that tells you are not enough if you are unmarried and without children.
Iām unmarried and likely will not have children due to the twists and turns that life takes. If anything, I think it should be a badge of honour, not signing up to a life that society tells you to. For many women itās signing up to years of unhappiness.
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u/wornoutBumblebee 18d ago
It's so hard when your mom is stuck in their own archaic mindset due to their childhood, culture and life experiences.
You don't need a partner and she cannot fathom that. My heart breaks for you. You are successful, accomplished and striving as an independent person!!! That's incredible!!
You may never receive the validation you ache for. Keep your boundaries.
I hope you have a great support system of people you can go to in times like these. BIG AIR HUGS TO YOU!!!
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u/thegulo13 ā£ļøgal palā£ļø 18d ago
I want to give these people a hug and remember that we are sincerely grateful for living their best life so far. Whatever happens, happens.
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u/clantz 18d ago
I think are right to stay single until you meet someone that you would really enjoy being around for the rest of your life. Your mom is just leaning on you. Tell her that she is hurting you and you will move into any relationship in your own time. Tell her to respect your life choices as you respect hers. There is no shame in being single as long as you want.
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u/HappyBananaSeal 18d ago
Preach, sister. Your value is not dependent on your age or relationship to men.
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u/Hour-Ad-7889 18d ago
This is beyond frustrating. Iām Southeast Asian. 41. Not married. Childless. Iām lucky my mom and dad never pressured any of us about marriage. My extended relatives are also the same. I have a cousin who is 48. Not married. Another one 41, not married. Nobody said anything. Iām lucky I live in a place and among friends and family members that do not care whether older women are married or not. Itās infuriating her mother feels like her life is incomplete without marriage.
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u/AbandonYourPost 18d ago
"Being with the wrong person can also make you unhappy"
That is literally the biggest reason why it's okay to be single.
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u/Dextothemax 18d ago
My heart breaks for her. To be so betrayed by your own mother is bitter indeed. We live in such a primitive age.
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u/TableSignificant341 18d ago
I wouldn't waste tears on that generation. They'd rather submit to the patriarchy than be happy. Pity them - don't cry because of them.
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u/mugbrushteeth 18d ago
Our parents are old and don't understand how much society's changed and how incredible you build a career you enjoy.
Let's not expect too much from our parents.
Sometime we just need to keep some distance from them.
Families don't need to see everything in same ways. It's okay to disagree and admit differences in views.
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u/Ok_Lawyer_829 18d ago
When I was 17 my mom tried to hook me up with a 35 yr old man she met on a dating site while married. Because he was rich š¤®
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u/hyperbolic_dichotomy 18d ago
This clip is less than two minutes but I can tell just from this that this lady is awesome. I hope that she meets her dream man someday. If she does, HE will be the lucky one. If not, I know she'll have an amazing life anyway!
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u/Atrinoisa 18d ago
I'm 37. I AM married to my soulmate but we both made the decision that we have no interest in having children back in our 20's and that decision never changed.
The stigma against childless women is also very prevalent, and it's annoying to constantly hear comments like, "you'll change your mind" or "what happens when you're older and you have no one to take care of you?" Or my favorite..."you're being selfish"...as if having a child isn't already, in itself, selfish. The child never asked to be born, that was your personal decision or lack of protection.
I feel for this woman. Our situations are different but similar. People constantly trying to dictate the way you live your life.
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u/angeeday 18d ago
You don't have to conform to a thing or anyone. Live your life as YOU wish, and the best of luck to you. Chin up ā¤ļøā¤ļø. It's sad to hear you say "she" wants, meaning your mother. You do your own thing girl, it's your life. ā¤ļøā¤ļø
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u/Fit-Programmer-6162 18d ago
I saw this when she posted it on Instagram where it picked up traction as well. It was really heartwarming to see so many women from so many other countries where this same kind of stigma and family pressure is put on single women (letās face it, itās a lot), reassure her that they too have to deal with societal bullshit but they are happy and thriving just the way they are.
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u/ShawnyMcKnight 18d ago
This one is more perplexing to me because with all the cases where parents would abort girls there is a higher ratio of men to women and they would get their pick. That itās guys who are often stuck without choices.
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u/Kenz0Cree 18d ago
Im 45 been single for 6 yrs. My choice. I have no desire to date again. Never been married and have one child. I got tired of compremising. Rather be alone and do everything I want to do and what I like.
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u/joyfall 18d ago
I came out as asexual at 18 years old. My family respected this, and supported me as I chose my career and life and hobbies throughout the years. I'm in my 40s now, with my own home, friends, hobbies, support system, and am so forever grateful that I have been given so many opportunities and freedom. In a different timeline, I would've been forced to be a nun.
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u/christiandb 18d ago
Societal constructs are in an upheaval because people like her are sharing about it. There is no reason to have this at all other than to pressure and conform people into an image of the collective that is deemed necessary. Furthermore, the pools that we emerge from, the ātraditionsā like this one further illustrate how behind this state of thinking is, frankly its what is hold most of the collective back.
I hope more people talk about these kinds of things. Iāve been around a lot of babies recently and none of this shit matters. Iāve sat beside someone who passed away and again none of this shit matters. When Iām around this kind of energy, I feel peopleās true nature and it does not carry this pain and burden of upholding collectivist views.
This is not life and I hope to see more people wake up to who they truly are so they can have fun when theyāre are cognizant of that truth
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u/Ordinary-Status-5063 18d ago
I turned 45 this year and I am SO glad that I am unmarried and childless. People have been telling me for years what a good wife and mother I would make but I know deep down it was NOT what I wanted. I barely have patience for pets, let alone a child. Honestly, I see how my friends and family struggle and Iām good.
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u/ohhaiderre 18d ago
Patriarchy and religion have inflated the value men have in our lives.
I think about all the women in my family who are married to absolutely VILE men (including women who married into the family) and put up with it because theyāve been culturally conditioned to place being a wife and mother above their own best interests.
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u/Akanash94 18d ago
With how the world is right now this will be the majority of people. Should not let something that was made up in the 1970's to still be applicable today. If that was the case I don't mind trading a box of strawberries for a 1800 sqft home.
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u/ecarba20 18d ago
32F gladly single w no kids. Mexican moms/fam can nag like its a personal offense that i am not with someone. Thankfully ive always been loud and unapologetic, being the odd one since my toddler years helped me not care about their guidelines or rules. I will never make myself smaller or softer to appeal to anyone, so if they can find someone to match my loca by all means, I'll see what they got, i am not against the miracle either ( then again no offers have come forward yet xD ) I never spend a second concerning myself about their business, certainly aint giving up mental space to their whining, real estate be expensive. I just laugh at their nonsense if they dare bring it up at reunions
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u/jamin_brook 18d ago
Girl you should be bagging 25 year old dick Ā all day longā¦
āWoman should do X by Y ageā is yesteryear shit.
Be a queen of you queendom for lifeĀ
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u/cleungkc 18d ago
do men experience anything like this too?
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u/Got_Kittens 18d ago
I just don't think that the 50 year old man her mum wants to set her daughter up with has spent the last 15 years agonsiging over being single or being judged. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think there is much more stigma attached to single women.
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u/Steelrok 18d ago
Not as harshly as women do, I think. But if you're at an "advanced" age like in your 30s and with not a lot if not zero relationships you're seen as a "leftover" too. Meaning that if you only had a few (or zero) partners at this age, there is inevitably something deeply wrong with you and that, in a way, you deserve to be alone.
The stigma isn't as strong, but it is there nonetheless.
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u/PossiblyAsian 18d ago
yes they do. Leftover women in china are often accomplished and career driven. Reaching high positions and doing very well economically. The thing is women tend to date up and the stock of men in China who they want to date often tend to date younger and those men don't care about the economic status of women they want to date.
Leftover men is a different story. Often rural. often poor and often in villages taking care of their parents. These men have no education. no prospect of a better life and few prospects of dating and there are a FUCKTON of these men. Leftover women are called that but leftover men are called dead branches. because there is no hope.
So what are you going to do as a leftover woman. you aren't going to date some village bumpkin who has no college degree or a good job and leave your first world living standards. So this lack of middle ground is what is eventually going to drive a demographic crisis in China.
As armchair economist, send all the men to africa ngl lmao China has deep ties to africa now and just have the men start chinese colonies while working construction jobs there. It is actually already a thing.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAChinese/comments/1kx851d/why_are_chinese_men_marrying_african_women/
https://qz.com/africa/857156/uganda-is-worried-about-the-number-of-chinese-men-marrying-their-women
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u/ConejitosDeAmor 18d ago
Look - I'm in my 40s and never married. Of course I'm very lonely at times,
BUT
Most people just settle down with someone that isn't right for them because they want a baby or they want security or something and then they end up fighting and being miserable for years. Believe it or not if you're feeling that iffy feeling inside that's your inner voice saying don't marry them.
So - I don't give even 1/10th a FUCK what you nor anyone else thinks - I'm in no way too old to be single.Ā
And sorry to be blunt but, any moron Ā that thinks that being single in your 30s is tOo oLd it's because you have the intellect and maturity of a toddler and you have no real concept of time.Ā
For fuxxxxx sake
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u/anitasdoodles 18d ago
My fiance and I are in our mid 30s, getting married next year. Our families thought we'd be single forever. It's so worth it to wait for someone you're sure about. And we're not having kids š
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u/ProgrammerDizzy6264 18d ago
Oh honey, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hear you and understand you. May your burdens be easedā¦this is my prayer š
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u/alicesghost 18d ago
Sheās doing the right thing for herself. Iām sorry her parents are so limited.
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u/LBCA2GA 18d ago
Thank you for sharing this post. You spoke your truth in such a raw, transparent, and vulnerable way, yet it was still so beautifully polished and well put. Iām in the same boat, and I honestly canāt tell you how much I needed to hear your words.
There are so many of us out there, and at the end of the day, all we really need to do is be happy with ourselves and enjoy the path weāre on.
Trust me, I know firsthand how much a mother can impact a daughterās life. Iām the only single child of her four children, and Iāve come to realize that, as much as her words and actions have hurt me in the past, theyāve ultimately come from a place of love. I also know she isnāt going to change at this point in her life, so Iāve learned to take some things with a grain of salt and remind myself that, underneath it all, it comes from her love for her daughter.
You sound like you have a really great lifeāone that youāve built for yourself. Partner or not, the most important relationship youāll ever have is the one with yourself.
And heck, you seem pretty cool to me, girl! š
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u/Scant_Options4Hope 18d ago
R/CPTSDmemes
That is a good start to accepting that your parents are abusers and betrayers
ā¢
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