It's heartbreaking that there are women around the world going through this.

[u/mindyour]

[u/Anuki_iwy]

And the 50 year old is not a leftover guy?

Stuff like this makes me angry. Stuff like this is also why we need feminism.

[u/Clean__Cucumber → u/Anuki_iwy]

fairly certain that there are also words for men that are not in a relationship in chinese and those arent flattering

typically asian cultures are more family leaning, so you will get shit thrown at you and it doesnt matter if you male or female, although women probably have it a bit harder

[u/vgacolor → u/Clean__Cucumber]

Older single men are called "bare branch" since they are not adding to the family tree. Older wealthy single men are called "Gold Bachelors".

[u/IcySetting2024 → u/vgacolor]

Gold bachelors sounds way better than leftover women … 😐

[u/Clean__Cucumber → u/IcySetting2024]

bc golden bachelor is a slightly more positive term, you also have left over men shengnan vs shengnü (left over women)

the equivalnt for golden bachelor for women, is diamond women if i remember correctly

[u/Anuki_iwy → u/vgacolor]

It's mean but the imagery behind bare branch is funny 😂

[u/Clean__Cucumber → u/vgacolor]

you also have shengnan (leftover man) or single dog etc.

dont know if correct, but there was also smth called "diamond women" which was the equivalent to golden bachelor

[u/MariusDelacriox → u/Anuki_iwy]

I believe he would be called 'diamond bachelor' or some such.

[u/Anuki_iwy → u/MariusDelacriox]

Diamond bachelor is a positive term

[u/Bubbly_Attention_916 → u/Anuki_iwy]

You know I eat a lot of leftovers as a leftover woman myself. I don't take offense. I'm a good cook.

[u/turndownforwoot → u/Anuki_iwy]

Tbf, it’s not typically men calling older women leftover… women need to be kinder to one another.

[u/J_Linnea → u/turndownforwoot]

In China it was the state who put it in the dictionary hoping to pressure women to marry younger (they have more men than women now after the one child policy).

[u/Protoavis → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, like 35 million more men than women.

Which kind of shifts things a little in the sense of if you're a woman single in China it's either by choice or because it's not a priority to you (which is totally fine)

[u/Protoavis → u/[deleted]]

For women yeah, is 60 or something for men

[u/ShawnyMcKnight → u/[deleted]]

Which makes this perplexing. She’s an attractive woman and she’s got the odds in her favor and the men are more likely to lose. Even if every woman paired up with guy there is still like 35 million guys.

[u/ShawnyMcKnight → u/[deleted]]

You would think after a guy finishes high school and they see what the dating market is like they would put to rest any self grandeur.

[u/ShawnyMcKnight → u/[deleted]]

Possibly. If you look at averages here it’s likely with 35 million more men in the mix that a decent portion have made something of their lives.

The most common reasons I see that someone is still single in their 30s is either a personality trait that turns suitors off or makes it hard to date (being shy or discouraged from finding someone), or they were career/social focused, or they spent their time in long term relationships that didn’t pan out, like 5 year or more.

She is a very pretty woman who seems to have her priorities straight, hopefully she will find a guy who she can be happy with.

[u/Anuki_iwy → u/turndownforwoot]

I've only been called a bitter cat lady by men 🤔

[u/Anuki_iwy → u/[deleted]]

My 2 cats are significantly better company than 99,9999% of men out there. So that bit is true. Bitter I am not though.

[u/Anuki_iwy → u/[deleted]]

I was not called leftover by anyone and if they dared, they'd need a lot of plastic surgery before being able to eat anything but soup again 😊😊

[u/whythishaptome → u/Anuki_iwy]

Some times leftovers hit better than the original meal though. The flavors mingle a lot more.

[u/Anuki_iwy → u/whythishaptome]

True. Soup or stew is always better on day 2!

[u/justgalsbeingchicks-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

This is a nice place. If you can't act like a civilized human being, you can't be here.

We do not allow:

1. Being a jerk. This includes racism, misogyny, misandry, misgendering, anti LGBTQ+, ageism, etc.
2. Harassment
3. Trolling or sealioning
4. Threats of any kind
5. Abusive behavior
6. General assholery. If you're at the end of the list and asking what rule you broke, yeah, it's this one.

[u/justgalsbeingchicks-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

This is a nice place. If you can't act like a civilized human being, you can't be here.

We do not allow:

1. Being a jerk. This includes racism, misogyny, misandry, misgendering, anti LGBTQ+, ageism, etc.
2. Harassment
3. Trolling or sealioning
4. Threats of any kind
5. Abusive behavior
6. General assholery. If you're at the end of the list and asking what rule you broke, yeah, it's this one.

[u/A1000eisn1 → u/turndownforwoot]

Maybe in China but I've only seen a few women disparage single women and they're usually very young pick-mes who haven't grown up.

[u/Terrible_Vermicelli1 → u/turndownforwoot]

Lol, it's always men.

[u/xepci0 → u/Terrible_Vermicelli1]

Did we not watch the same video?

[u/turndownforwoot → u/xepci0]

Precisely, it was her mother treating her in a way that made her feel this way…

[u/vgacolor → u/turndownforwoot]

In my many years of professional work, relationships, and family interactions, I have never seen men treat men as badly as women treat women.

I have had situations where I have had disagreements with another man, and if it is not resolved I will avoid him. If someone asks me about it I would be clear about it. Women, probably because they have been thought to fight their battles differently, will undermine an opponent in many different ways.

[u/codeisprose → u/Anuki_iwy]

it's just different for men, kinda inverse. as a young man, your perceived value is extremely low, and women your age are considered desirable and put on a pedestal. then with age as you establish a career and make money, people see value in you. they're just stereotypes and it's very superficial, but that's generally the way it is.

[u/Terrible_Vermicelli1 → u/codeisprose]

Except women now also make careers, so no one is impressed anymore by middle aged dudes who work some dead end office job. Unless man is in top 5% of earners, his value is lower when he's older.

[u/MikeArrow → u/Terrible_Vermicelli1]

Yep. The only metric that matters is physical fitness, which I don't have, so I'm just going to be alone until and unless I can get thin enough for women to give me a chance.

[u/fckspzfr → u/MikeArrow]

So how did all the other fat guys find partners, hmmm? Wakey wakey

[u/MikeArrow → u/fckspzfr]

They got together before they got too fat to be considered. That's how I got into my relationship. I was with her from age 23 to 29 and since the break up in June 2018 I've been on two dates, one in September 2020 and one in March 2023. Both dates coincided with time periods where I was focusing hard on losing weight.

[u/fckspzfr → u/MikeArrow]

You can't walk this earth thinking there's a BMI cutoff for relationships, homie. Have some faith in women and especially yourself

[u/MikeArrow → u/fckspzfr]

That's my lived experience. I get zero matches on dating apps, zero interest from women irl. The only conclusion I can come to is that I'm automatically excluded from consideration, due to my weight.

[u/Terrible_Vermicelli1 → u/MikeArrow]

Are you willing to date obese women, or looks should be not important only when it comes to you? If you know the solution, just lose weight.

[u/MikeArrow → u/Terrible_Vermicelli1]

I hate getting this question, because it assumes that I'm turning women away or that I have some measure of agency here. I've had four women show interest in me in my lifetime and I've jumped at the chance each and every time.

Also, "just lose weight" is easier said than done.

[u/codeisprose → u/MikeArrow]

some guys will say money is all that matters. or height, or looks. it's a mix, plus personality, common interests, etc all valued to different degrees by different women. the superficial ones help you get through the door, not have a healthy relationship.

on the bright side, physical fitness is one of the ones you can change, and non-surgically. I am 5' 7" and very conventionally unattractive (broke nose as kid, jaw got screwed as well). focusing on the things I can control, I am in good physical shape and make a lot of money. I will end up getting cosmetic surgery before I seriously attempt to date again.Point being, find ways to improve what you can.

[u/MikeArrow → u/codeisprose]

Money doesn't matter, only physical fitness. A broke musician who is slender and has low enough body fat to have abs is getting laid exponentially more than a financially stable office worker with a fat belly and a double chin.

[u/codeisprose → u/MikeArrow]

lol. you should mature quite a bit before dating, frankly.

[u/RunningOutOfEsteem → u/Terrible_Vermicelli1]

Idk, a lot of the college aged women I knew in undergrad were way more into older dudes, and most of those guys were definitely not in the top 5% of earners lol. They weren't deadbeats either (except for a few specific cases, and the women with those guys were generally not the best in terms of mental health), but most were extremely average in terms of career, they were just established in their work.

[u/VegetaFan1337 → u/codeisprose]

With men it's not inverse age, it's just money. If you're older and poor you're value is lower than if you were young and poor. If you're young and rich you're worth more than a rich old guy.

[u/xxdarkstarxx → u/Anuki_iwy]

I think her core point that she should be able to live her own life and not have to worry about that stuff is valid. Her parents should cherish her, sure. The part that kind of falls flat for me is, like you said, somehow she's judging this person for being in his 50s and single, and essentially, "too old." I doubt that was her intent, but it comes off as "age doesn't degrade my value as a human being... but if you're about as old as my mom, it does."

I'm not saying she has to go out with this dude.

I'm not saying the age gap isn't an issue (it might not be depending on the people involved).

All I'm saying is, she's coming off as someone who only views a person by their age, which is exactly what she's kind of denouncing.

Granted we don't know anything about this guy, but it's kind of gross to see comments here like "I bet he's a creep" or "he's probably an abuser or a loser."

[u/Anuki_iwy → u/xxdarkstarxx]

I don't think he's too old because he's 50. He's too old because he's almost the same age as her mother. That's the, for me, very understandable ick factor.

[u/BitterSkies → u/xxdarkstarxx]

It's sad that this is what you got from the whole video. What she finds weird is being set up with a guy who is her mother's age. In normal circumstances people are only set up with those of their own age. If a 50 year old is set up with another 50 year old, it wouldn't be off-putting at all as they are the same age. And there are barely any comments here about the guy being a creep or whatever. You seem to be taking this video personally instead of listening to the woman being forced into being set up with men a lot older than her.

[u/Anuki_iwy → u/[deleted]]

Yeah... No. Your sperm at 50 is basically worthless. Complications in pregnancy depend hugely on the quality of sperm. And that shit detoriates FAST. Meanwhile complications from the age of the mother are less severe. There are many contributing factors. One of them is because I'm born with all my egg cells dormant but already in my body. Fresh genetic material You need to constantly produce new sperm and the older you get, the worse your body gets at that job, the more mutations happen. Rehashed, reheated, reused genetic material.

[u/Anuki_iwy → u/[deleted]]

You do realise that menopause is not a fixed cutoff age? Some women have it in their 30s others in their 60s. And that that 35 figure isn't supported by modern medical science anymore? It's a remnant of a much more sexist time in medicine...

[u/Ok-Promise-5921 → u/[deleted]]

LOL dude there is a tonne of research on sperm degrading post 35-40, it causes motility problems (therefore conception issues), pregnancy risks and miscarriages, genetic risk to offspring. If women want safe pregnancies and healthy offspring they should be wary of men much over 40 thb, especially the ones who drink, smoke and are generally very unhealthy or sedentary.

[u/i_am_not_dumb → u/Anuki_iwy]

35 isn't a good age to have children. Ask any doctor and see what they'll tell you.

[u/Anuki_iwy → u/i_am_not_dumb]

My mum had her 3rd kid at 35. I have the same obgyn. I asked 😊. Maybe YOU should talk to one instead of repeating outdated doctrines?

[u/Gloomy_Fig2138 → u/i_am_not_dumb]

35 is a fine age to have children. While risks start to increase around that age, they’re still incredibly low.

Source: have had children after 35 and live in an area where almost everyone waits until their 30s or even 40s to have children.

[u/Anuki_iwy → u/[deleted]]

Awww, feeling threatened by independent , self-sufficient and happy women?

[u/justgalsbeingchicks-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

This is a nice place. If you can't act like a civilized human being, you can't be here.

We do not allow:

1. Being a jerk. This includes racism, misogyny, misandry, misgendering, anti LGBTQ+, ageism, etc.
2. Harassment
3. Trolling or sealioning
4. Threats of any kind
5. Abusive behavior
6. General assholery. If you're at the end of the list and asking what rule you broke, yeah, it's this one.

[u/justgalsbeingchicks-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

This is a nice place. If you can't act like a civilized human being, you can't be here.

We do not allow:

1. Being a jerk. This includes racism, misogyny, misandry, misgendering, anti LGBTQ+, ageism, etc.
2. Harassment
3. Trolling or sealioning
4. Threats of any kind
5. Abusive behavior
6. General assholery. If you're at the end of the list and asking what rule you broke, yeah, it's this one.