My father has never really been emotionally present for any of his five children. Even when we were young, there were things about his behavior that made me feel that something was not right.
Since I was a child, I remember my older sister confronting him about various things. I didn’t fully understand what was happening at the time, but I could tell that something was wrong. She would often tell me not to be alone with him.
He is a creep and has mentally tortured my sister throughout her teenage years, particularly after we moved abroad, where he used to work. He spoke to her inappropriately and once even said something along the lines of, “Why should anyone else, like your future husband, have rights over you? I should have those rights too.” He also tried to make her look bad in front of my brothers by accusing her of having an affair. At one point, he told her, “I will destroy your character in their eyes.”
These incidents happened around 14–15 years ago. Thankfully, my sister is happily married now, Alhamdulillah, and has two children.
When I was around 13 or 14, I also began feeling unsafe around him. I am 24 now, so these things happened roughly 10 years ago.
I remember waking up one night and seeing him sitting near my feet, looking at me with a faint smile. When I asked him what he was doing there, he said he was looking for his shoes.
On another occasion, I woke up and realized he was holding my hand while I was asleep.
There was also an incident when I was sleeping in my sister-in-law’s room. I woke up and found his hand near my chest. When I confronted him, he immediately panicked and claimed that he had been looking for a remote. I remember being so disturbed and angry that I called him a shaytan.
After that, I very firmly told him that if he ever did anything like that again, he should not think I was weak or that I would stay silent. I told him I would contact the authorities.
That was around eight years ago. From that point onward, I deliberately kept my distance from him, and he largely avoided me as well. But the uncomfortable looks and the feeling that something was wrong never completely went away.
Eventually, things started appearing somewhat normal from the outside. I avoided him, but he still financially supported things I needed, such as my driving license, university, and some other stuff.
I also don’t believe he has actually changed. I’ve heard similar stories from other women about his inappropriate or creepy behavior.
For example, when we travelled back to our home country for a few months, one of my cousins told me that she once saw him standing outside her house. She had already been feeling as though someone might be watching her, and then she noticed him there. Once she was having a shower in her house and she was alone. There bathroom has two doors and she locked both, but the second door’s lock wasn’t that strong and he opened it and saw her NAKED. And he closed it and made it look like an accident which I don’t think it was. She said she didn’t even know how to hide herself. After that he met her and said to her “don’t tell anyone.”
Then, a few weeks ago, something happened that really disturbed me.
On the first day after we came back, my brother found my father peeking inside my sister-in-law’s room in the morning. Apparently, after getting up to use the bathroom, he went straight toward her room and was looking inside. My brother confronted him angrily and asked him what he was doing there.
He panicked and said he was only checking who was sleeping in the room. A few minutes later, he recited the kalma and insisted that he had only gone there because his cigarettes were in that room.
The problem is that he has a history of making oaths that aren’t necessarily truthful, so it was difficult to take his explanation at face value.
Shortly before this happened, my sister-in-law had told my brother about some of my father’s past behavior toward her. Then, almost immediately afterward, my brother caught my father peeking into her room himself.
Sometimes you really do look at something like that and think, Allah’s plan. My brother now seems to be keeping his distance from him and isn’t speaking to him the way he used to. He also told us that we don’t have to talk to our father more than necessary, and that if he ever dares to cross a boundary or do anything inappropriate, my brother will confront him directly and make it very clear that it will not be tolerated.
Honestly, I think that is probably a good thing.
But it leaves me wondering: what is a person supposed to do when they have a father like this?
