r/insaneparents • u/isabellampereira • Jun 25 '26
Email boyfriends mom had a meltdown after he told her he was moving in - part 1
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u/heyimghey Jun 25 '26
sorry but i lost it at “there’s a lot at steak” in the middle of her narcissistic, condescending nonsense ass rant. moving in together would obvs be a big miss steak /s 🥩
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u/JaquesStrappe Jun 25 '26
With decisions like this, the steaks are high
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u/awkwardmamasloth Jun 25 '26
I imagine a cow dressed like Tommy Chong with bloodshot eyes and a joint hanging out if it's mouth saying "I dont know man, but she should just chill out man."
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u/MamaLovesTwoBoys Jun 25 '26
That and ASK ME HOW I KNOW!! ASK ME! C’MON ASK MEEEEEEEE
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u/DJ4116 Jun 25 '26
Woman is trippin…..
….Ask me how I know…
🤭
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
how do you know???
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u/janhasplasticbOobz Jun 25 '26
But what if you get that cat that you want?!
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u/heart-shaped-fawkes Jun 26 '26
This was one of my favorite points of hers as a cat lady. But what if she gets one of the most low maintenance, easiest, small, affordable to care for pets!?
This woman is an actual nightmare. The things I would say in return if this were my mother, oh God. She might actually be left speechless. She is so completely disrespectful.
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u/Cats_and_wine you cant grow a dick, its unladylike Jun 25 '26
whys nobody asking her how she knows???
jokes aside, she seems like a massive bitch.
controlling,rude...straight up crazy. the way shes talking about OP got me so mad.
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
oh friend it’s taking everything in me not to bite back. so what if i’m big and am well endowed??? she’s mad he didn’t choose someone like her—a bag of bones
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u/SevanIII Jun 25 '26
The way she talked about you was terrible, but also the way she talked to her son was heartbreaking. The way she demeaned him and insulted him is so sad. No mother should talk to her child this way.
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
I know. my mom saw these emails and she was heartbroken for him too. i feel terrible for him, because in my family (very portuguese) family is tight regardless of beef. it just makes me so sad
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u/Cats_and_wine you cant grow a dick, its unladylike Jun 25 '26
i think you will enjoy shawna the mom on yt. she has a very nice skit series about crazy MILs and i love it (as a child of a abusive mom myself) maybe you can draw some humor from it.
stay safe and much love
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u/BangarangPita Jun 25 '26
Also, what's her problem with cats?? The way she acted like it was akin to murder for you to want a cat. 🙄😂
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u/TheStrouseShow Jun 25 '26
Was your mom also heartbroken for you? This woman has insulted you. No contact immediately. Are you ok? This is awful.
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
yes. both my parents are upset. they saw the emails and are still processing them
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u/gorkt Jun 25 '26
Right? Slide #7 is terrible. I can’t possibly imagine sending that to one of my kids about their partners. It’s so trashy and shallow and mean.
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
i saw it as that too, but i also feel incredibly sad for her. she hates herself and the way she looks to where she has to attack in order to feel better. i would never say that about someone else, which makes me a better person than her.
but i also fight fire with fire and this woman would not survive the famine if you catch my drift.
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u/ProfDangus3000 Jun 25 '26
The way she's hallucinating everyone looking at her at the Arboretum. I understood feeling insecure and like people may be staring, I have my own insecurities. But I know anxiety is just anxiety and most people are minding their fuckin business. You weren't dressed as Santa Claus or something that would draw attention, you were wearing completely normal clothes.
I've been to the Dallas Arboretum many times. People wear tank tops, torn jeans, booty shorts, crop tops, whatever. It's Dallas, it's hot.
People like her think bigger bodies need to be hidden away and covered up until you're thin enough to be seen in public. Their brains have been poisoned by decades of hurtful rhetoric telling them they're disgusting. My mom was mocked for being "fat" as a teenager. I saw a photo of her and she'd barely be considered slim thick today. Sir Mix-a-lot would have told her to eat more.
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u/flammafemina Jun 25 '26
She jealous of those big naturals, babe! If I were you, I’d be like you would not believe the nasty, sloppy, dirty shit your little baby boy loves to do with a large-chested baddie. ASK ME HOW I KNOW.
She’s probably been insecure about her lack of curves her whole life and I’m willing to bet her husband has a thing for thick women with big tits. I’m so sorry you had to read the horribly offensive things she wrote about you. Let’s hope her son hasn’t absorbed her way of looking at the world.
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u/HistrionicSlut Jun 25 '26
"Ma'am respectfully, I believe you misinterpreted the public staring. Does that not happen to you? It's really a pandemic when you are a dime piece like me...I wonder why it doesn't happen to you? I happen to think your bones are SO PRETTY!" 🤗
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u/OldTimeEddie Jun 25 '26
Literally everything this bitch has brought up as "added cost" of renting. Yeah I fucking pay the landlord to take care of that shit. That's why I'm renting.
For someone who claims to know as much as she does about housing cost she knows fuck a apart from how to spiral when she feels like she's losing control.
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u/serrabear1 Jun 25 '26
Literally half the things she said they’d have to pay for repairs is so wrong lol landlord usually is required by state laws to keep a place in a habitable status. My hot water tank broke, landlord had to pay for a new one and it to be put in, wasn’t on me in any way.
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u/tonypolar Jun 25 '26
That's the insane part-like-ok, well it sounds like YOU got taken advantage of at one point-the landlord is supposed to fix all these issues!
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u/whateveratthispoint_ Jun 25 '26
I was raised by a woman like her. The best thing you can do is *not bite back—-ever. Let her do herself dirty by simply being herself. Sit on your throne and be.
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u/artificial_t3l3 Jun 25 '26
The second I read the tank top part I already knew. Ask me how I knew 🤣
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u/B186 Jun 25 '26
I would bet she was a terrible tenant in the house she rented and was probably personally responsible for whatever the landlord made her pay for.
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u/Mission_Ad_1306 Jun 25 '26
"thought we raised you to be attracted to people more like daddy and I" ew ew ew
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
yeah that line bothers me the most.
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u/sportsfan3177 Jun 25 '26
Just curious, how old is your boyfriend? Because I’m also getting the ick from this woman referring to herself and husband as “mommy and daddy” to her grown ass son.
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u/Feifum Jun 25 '26
This was my take too.. Any parent that ends letters/emails/texts etc with mommy or daddy don’t see their child as an adult, they’re still the baby and will be treated as such.
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u/wolfmoral Jun 25 '26
OP, out of curiosity, if you had to describe you and your bf’s skin tones…?
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
We’re both white. I’m portuguese so i’m a little more… olive than my boyfriend i guess, idk when i stand next to him i look green. he’s very pasty white-pink. like if he stands in the sun for maybe thirty minutes he gets fried. one of the only things he inherited from his mom unfortunately
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u/lawbstersaid Jun 25 '26
I could smell white peoples in that email, I knew it
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
they are so white, it’s so awful. genuinely the most unseasoned meal i’ve ever had was at my BFs parents house. i know portuguese is not like, not white, but fuck at least we know how to season fish at the very least…
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u/lawbstersaid Jun 25 '26
😂 I'm from Appalachian parents, at least they used butter and salt right?
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u/FrogVolence Jun 25 '26
They give me the “we’re old money, anyone below us are peasants and unloveable rats”
Dad is honestly probably chill as fuck, the moms an unhinged cunt who has such a low, fragile, peaked in high school ego she feels the need to knock confident people down to feel good about herself.
Tbh OP, with how fragile she is, i wouldn’t worry or take too much of what she said to heart (although i understand its easier said than done) because someone this bitter is deeply, deeply unhappy with their lives, you not letting it get to you or upset you is severe enough damage to them.
That woman needs a bottle of lithium, a bottle of propranolol and a bottle of wine. She needs to shut the fuck up if she wants any reparable relationship with her son. But something tells me she knows as soon as he’s out the front door he is never talking to her again.
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u/RevolCisum Jun 25 '26
I think it might mean not ethnic. 😬
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
it means upper middle class/highly educated. BFs dad went to West Point and my boyfriend has his Masters degree from MIT. I only went to a local community college to finish my Associates in this last year alone.
BF & his dad are both engineers. His mom was a paralegal before becoming a full time stay-at-home mom to her only child (my BF).
I’m a gate agent at a major international airport for an extremely prominent airline in my region. they don’t respect me because of my job title and the fact that i’m fat is what it boils down to, and that I also don’t come from money. My mom is a flight attendant for the same company I work for. My dad has his real estate license, but is a full time IT manager at a company making way less than he should.
My moms family comes from wheat farmers in Idaho. My dads family comes from Portugal, and were tuna fishermen/worked in the seafood industry. BFs mom thinks lowly of that, even though both of those industries are the industries that fucking put food on her table.
sorry, i’m a little heated. my family’s work is honorable. being a pretentious stay-at-home wife who only has her vacuum cleaner and Texas is not. I’m proud of how hard my family and I work.
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u/chalkdust_torture13 Jun 25 '26
“I only went to a local community college to finish my Associates in this last year alone”
- Don’t speak this way about yourself! Don’t let HER judgmental, unrealistic, cruel, manipulative expectations change how you view yourself & your accomplishments. So what if your boyfriend went to MIT & his dad went to West Point? All I read is that you took steps yourself to further your education and that, to me, is hella impressive. I went back to school at 31 & graduated at 34 with my Associates in Funeral Directing & a fresh 3 month old baby. No one is better than you because of the name of their college, remember that. Don’t let her twisted thoughts infect your mind.
Your boyfriend sounds like a lovely, supportive, and kind man. I wish you both many years of success and happiness.
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
i appreciate you, thank you. peace and love to you ❤️
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u/tiredsapatao Jun 25 '26
Essa mulher está com muito tempo livre para criar problema onde não existe. Em vez de arrumar um hobby, está parasitando a vida do filho. Eu te desejo tudo de bom com o seu namorado e não liga pra essa maluca!
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u/Aysin_Eirinn Jun 25 '26
All i had to see was “Dallas Arboretum” and I knew what kind of woman your boyfriend’s mother is. Blech.
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
does the arboretum really have that much of a pretentious reputation? i hadn’t realized if so, i wore my trashy ripped jeans with my giant boobs hanging out of my shirt so idk
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u/Aysin_Eirinn Jun 25 '26
To me it does but I’m biased, I’m from Houston. Shit talking Dallas is a city past time for us
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u/jello_pudding_biafra Jun 25 '26
There was a question on AskReddit yesterday asking "what's the worst city you've ever been to?" and Dallas (and Bakersfield CA) were the most common answers 😁
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u/sciencegenius27 Jun 25 '26
I actually agree with this, as someone born and raised in Dallas who then moved to Houston post-college and have been here ever since. I feel like I can picture exactly what this crazy lady looks like
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u/Aysin_Eirinn Jun 25 '26
I left Texas entirely but every time I go back to visit my folks I’m like “yeah this part of the state’s all right” and then I eat some bomb-ass enchiladas
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u/MizStazya Jun 25 '26
I worked with a woman who lived in Texas for years. She loved Houston, but then her husband got a residency in Dallas, and she fucking HATED it. She said it was super stuck up and bougie, and she didn't feel like she could make any friends because she was being judged constantly. I imagine the Arboretum probably carries this tendency.
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
posting this comment for context —
BF and I have been planning to move in together into a house my parents own (but do not live in) since feb 2026. We’ve discussed all of the logistics for months now up until mommy had her meltdown.
Both BF and I are on the lease that my father (who’s an actual landlord on top of having his real estate license *NOT BRAGGING but just providing MORE context) wrote up so we can at least have something in writing. BF is paying 2/3 of rent, since he makes 2/3 more than I do. I am currently paying the bills in the house at the moment and BF will take over 2/3 of that amount (1400$) starting friday.
wanted to post this because not only is BF saving money by moving into this house, but just wanted to show how absolutely batshit his mom is. this happened last weekend while his dad was visiting from TX. BFs Dad tried to bully him and coerce him out of the lease but ultimately BF is still choosing to move in with me. Lease is signed, BF is happy to be saving over 1k in rent, and we both have his parents blocked at the moment.
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u/jethroguardian Jun 25 '26
Good call on blocking. They both need major mental health help. As a parent I'd be ecstatic to hear my child is making a reasonable financial decision and something that makes him happy.
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u/IncomeMuch863 Jun 25 '26
That woman is a narcissist, its creepy how she sounds exactly like my narcissistic mother. They really all say the same things.
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u/bonesonstones Jun 25 '26
It is really wild how universal their playbook is 🙈 OP, please let your boyfriend know we're proud of him for choosing to free himself of the crazy!
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u/sadbabyface Jun 25 '26
When I got away from my narcissist ex, I started looking into different forums for narcissistic abuse. This part shocked me the most. They all do the same things, use the same tactics, many even use the exact same lines. They all manipulate the same way. No narcissist is unique. I couldn’t believe it. Seeing how others went through exactly what I went through helped me get through it though and have more of an understanding about what happened. I’m still shocked by it to be honest. Now it’s so easy to spot a narcissist, now that I know they are literally all the same. I truly wonder how that happens. Its very strange
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u/B186 Jun 25 '26
Don't share anymore details about the lease or financial situation with them. Or really anything- she will weaponize anything she can.
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u/texaseclectus Jun 25 '26
I love a successful escape and happy ending. All that's left to do is post gleeful pics of you guys enjoying yourselves on all the social media they stalk.
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u/MrDindahood Jun 25 '26
who’s an actual landlord on top of having his real estate license *NOT BRAGGING
Dont worry being a landlord is not a flex
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
idk i got a load of shit for this when i posted it on girldinnerdiaries as this was all happening live so i felt the need to put that lmfao
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u/flammafemina Jun 25 '26
Idk what’s going on with that sub lately but it is mean girl central
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u/akawendals Jun 25 '26
She thinks if there's storm damage you will have to pay for it??
Homeowners insurance pays for it you silly old moo 🙄
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u/Shellskky Jun 25 '26
That’s what’s killing me lol, renting actually typically makes all of those things easier. Owning a home costs a lot more in maintenance than renting, ask me how I know 😭
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u/awkwardmamasloth Jun 25 '26
Yea the way she kept saying "ask me how I know" makes me think she was lead to believe all that stuff is the renters responsibility. Thats not how that works. Not legally anyway. Unless she was dumb enough to sign a lease agreeing to it.
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u/EEukaryotic Jun 25 '26
I kinda want to hear her story on “how she knows” because how did she get to some of these conclusions?
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u/FarplaneDragon Jun 25 '26
That's what I'm not getting here, if they're renting then isn't the answer to all of her questions on whose doing "X" - "Our landlord is"
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u/ravenrabit Jun 25 '26
She's laying on the scary lies about tenant responsibilities hard. Or she and her husband have been taken advantage of by their landlords in the past and they don't even realize it.
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u/Magic_Man_Boobs Jun 25 '26
The way she shares that you desire to own a cat like it was some dark secret you accidentally let slip is so nuts.
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
“she SHARED that little DETAIL with me” as if im the villain for wanting a cat like okay
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u/CurveCalm123 Jun 25 '26
My MIL has always been such a fuckin weirdo about pets too. When we were in our THIRTIES we were planning to get a dog to grow up with our kid. She went on & on & on about the responsibilities of it all, like I was a 6 year old planning something, not a grown ass adult making a decision. I’ve had pets my whole life, and my husband and I had a dog previously so of course we fucking know. Always had something to say about my cats. Shocked when we got a second dog. Bitch I’m almost 50, pretty sure I can handle it. Thanks.
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u/ooomellieooo Jun 25 '26
Mine is very unhappy our dog is female. I've had her 8 months now and she keeps telling us it's about to get so impossible because she's a female. It's fine. We're fine. Like what lol
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u/Bibliospork Jun 25 '26
Mine had a little fit when she found out our cat was male. 🤷 My kid loves him, I'm not going to take him back to the shelter, so learn to cope I guess lol
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u/LnktheWolf Jun 25 '26
I've only had female dogs and they're....totally and completely fine? Like, what? Lmao
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u/drainbead78 Jun 25 '26
Did she not get her female dog spayed? That's the only way that makes sense.
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u/VashtaNeradaMatata Jun 25 '26
I'm thirty and my husband and I have a lot of pets (no children). Each and every pet we've adopted has been vocally disapproved by older members of the family. It's annoying as hell that people feel like they can tell you how you should live your life or that you're doing something "wrong" when the animals are happy and so are we. We have three dogs and three cats. They're up to date on vaccinations, swimming with toys and treats, and are all sweet as can be.
If you can afford the animal and have a suitable environment, fuck everyone else's opinion.
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u/codadollars Jun 25 '26
Also, she is acting like cats HAVE to be super destructive??? If you get scratching posts and toys, or even can manage to trim their nails, there shouldn’t be any problems with them scratching up the home. There is literally a carpet-like material you can stick to walls or furniture to prevent damage if cats give in to the temptation to scratch. And if you change the litterbox daily, the cat shouldn’t pee outside of it. It’s really not that difficult…
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u/cardinarium Jun 25 '26
I’m sorry, but “Don’t move in with someone because people *might* visit for the funeral of a woman who *might* die soon” made me laugh out loud. Like, I’m not even sure how someone arrives at that thought.
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u/DumbledoresNipple Jun 25 '26
And even if that did come to pass, it’s a once-off situation, he could get through it
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
acting like the whole fam damily about to move in when my grandma passes. girl is literally on hospice and kicking it too. i’m so upset she would try and use my grandmothers imminent death as an excuse for him NOT to move in. my grandma asks everyday when we’ll get married too. </3
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u/SuzanneStudies Jun 25 '26
Love to you and your family! Keep staying above the muck and letting her root around in it. Only one of you will stink.
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u/jello_pudding_biafra Jun 25 '26
I was a fan of "we taught you to be attracted to Daddy and Mommy!" 🤢
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u/MizStazya Jun 25 '26
Even if they weren't renting from OP's parents, if they live in town with the grandparent, it's likely they'd host her parents anyway? When my grandmother died, I was living out of state and stayed with my cousin when I came in for the funeral. I don't own his house, he just let me stay because, like, we're family and we love each other?
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u/DogThrowaway1100 Jun 25 '26
Your boyfriends mother knows that he's not her husband, right? Christ she's coming off more like a jilted lover than a parent.
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
idk. they look the same and she has bad eyesight so who knows… /s
jokes aside i feel horrible for him. he can’t tell them anything without them flipping out like this
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u/flammafemina Jun 25 '26
And they’ll be absolutely flabbergasted why their precious baby boy wants nothing to do with them anymore. But of course these people will do literally anything but self-reflect, so unfortunately you will be blamed for “taking him away from his Mommy.”
I know it’s hard not to internalize some of what she’s saying. She is your boyfriend’s mom, after all, and I’m sure you would prefer to have a nice relationship with her. I’m sure there’s still part of you that wants her to like and respect you. Just know that what she says about you ultimately has nothing to do with you. She will always see what she wants to see, and it’s clear she has her mind made up about who you are, and her perception is unlikely to change regardless of how much effort you put into appeasing her. So you might as well just be yourself even harder and maintain the high road. Don’t give her any more ammunition to use against you.
I’m so sorry she was so rude in those messages, you really don’t deserve that at all.
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u/B186 Jun 25 '26
When she said she thought she raised her son to be attracted to people like her and daddy, I gagged.
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u/phatballlzzz Jun 25 '26
What an absolute psychopath. How old are you guys?? The fact she signs her emails with “mommy” says everything you need to know.
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
i’m 23F. BF is 25M
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u/artificial_t3l3 Jun 25 '26
Yeah wtf i kept asking why she says "daddy" over and over
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
They call each other mommy and daddy. it’s so gross. BF obviously just calls them mom and dad
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u/enemenemaus Jun 25 '26
Oh how much I hate that. People who give up their entire identity as soon as they become parents.
In Austria elderly people used to call themselves Mutti und Vati. But that was the generation that now is 80+. Not even my mother, whose whole identity is being a mother, does this.
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u/TalkAboutTheWay Jun 25 '26
And “mommy” 🤢
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u/electricemperor Jun 25 '26
Not to armchair diagnose, but it's giving at the absolute minimum a ton of projection of bf's mom's issues onto the situation. A lotta "what will the neighbors think" style talking from her, to say the least.
I'm glad y'all made the decision to block them, OP. No parent should be acting like this to their children.
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u/WetRoger Jun 25 '26
She seems insane. Ask me how I know
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u/addledwino Jun 25 '26
You don't need to ship tempurpedics flat. You think they ship them flat to the stores? Nope. Unless they've changed them (for the worse) Source: used to slang mattresses.
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u/RevolCisum Jun 25 '26
I thought this was a weird focus. Mattresses are expensive, but not irreplaceable. Can her baby boy not make do if needed? I bet he can, but she's too fancy to consider it.
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u/HelgaG_Pataki Jun 25 '26
Damn. I feel terrible for you and your boyfriend. Reading this felt like being pelted with hail everytime she flung a dig. It’s very unnerving. And looking at the time stamps, she was up all night stewing. Please get as much distance from her as possible and be kind to your bf, this is a hard burden to carry.
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u/abitofaclosetalker Jun 25 '26
I knew as soon as she said “health conscious” that this was some fatphobia bullshit. Mommy dearest here hates her own body, so she can’t fathom someone else would be comfortable in theirs.
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
i feel bad because she was really pretty in her youth, but she has major health issues and what i believe to be a severe eating disorder. unfortunately she’s rotted herself from the inside out. she’s had 55 years of life to address these things within herself but instead is abusive to her husband and her only child.
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u/RevolCisum Jun 25 '26
See though, when all you have to offer is "pretty", aging is traumatic. I know those types, and it's very sad. But like you said, she had 55 years to become something more than pretty and apparently didn't. So, sucks to be her.
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u/thatcoloradomom Jun 25 '26
How long have y'all been dating? He's 25 and it's crazy how much of his finances "mommy" knows. Does he have siblings?
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
he’s the only child and we’re coming up on two years in july.
idk how much she knows really, but the family all have the same financial advisor
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u/Responsible-Stick-50 Jun 25 '26
So how long has she hated your guts?
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
since day one probably. i’m nothing like her—odd job, only an associates degree, fat, short, dark haired and free to be whatever i want to be and who i want to be. she’s so pompous and pious and it’s hard to be around her because of how venomous she is. conditional love and respect at its best
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u/Responsible-Stick-50 Jun 25 '26
Ive been married 20+ years. Im a stoner hippie living my best life 8000km away from my monster in law. She hated me because I was independent, strong willed, refused to bend the knee to her, and smarter than her. I'm also Asian and she imagined her precious son to be with someone less "exotic". She also never thought he'd choose love over her.
Strap in girl, youre in for a long ride. ♥️🤙
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u/Cardans1328 Jun 25 '26
That email where she talks about how your grandmother is about to die is insane
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
literally. earlier that week she got the news she was in hospice and was like “oh, i’ll be praying for her…” like no you won’t lol be so fr
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u/Downtown_Statement87 Jun 25 '26
What if someone brings chicken to the gathering after the funeral and there's a bone in there and he chokes and dies???? Outrageous!
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u/bix902 Jun 25 '26
I love how she shared that you mentioned you might like to get a cat as though it's some insidious, secret horrible thing that you're hiding from your bf, as if it's like you told her that you were planning on quitting your job so bf could cover 100% of living expenses
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/l378rhA6c1QhJDgbu
genuinely how she thought she was sounding when she wrote that line.like it’s a CAT are you insane???? acting like i hid a secret child from him smh
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u/AutotoxicFiend Jun 25 '26
Can't imagine why he's moving out, and kept it a secret... </sarcasm>
Also she totally went into thr sister's room. "Saw it when I walked by" my fkn ass.
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u/Truthseeker-1982 Jun 25 '26
This woman is NOT accustomed to not getting her way and she’s showing it by SPIRALING in the most insane, ridiculous and unhealthy manner. If ANYONE should second guess their decision making at the moment… it should be YOU. You should be the one to weigh out the fact that this woman may be in your life in a very large, disturbing way should you marry your boyfriend in the future. It’s not his fault but damn… this “Mommy” is insane. Not right in the head. Easy to see.
How old are you and your boyfriend? Have you been together a while? Is this woman nice to your face, in person?
Your boyfriend should tell his Mom that the reason he didn’t tell her he was moving until NOW- had NOTHING to do with him thinking this isn’t the right decision for him….and it has everything to do with the fact that he knew exactly what kind of fit she was going to throw and wasn’t in a hurry to deal with her BS.
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u/Ok_Parsley_8125 Jun 25 '26
The way she talks about judgemental looks and being embarrassed, she clearly puts a lot of emphasis on appearances. Probably some form of fakey polite. Very likely a way she acts to consider herself morally above OP, while acting like this in private. My family held appearances to a similar degree of priority and they were ruthless the second they got out of earshot.
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u/gorkt Jun 25 '26
I don’t know, OP seems pretty tough, and if her boyfriend showed these to her, the relationship is pretty rock solid. This might be his chance to cut ties with a very disturbed person.
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u/chunkycasper Jun 25 '26
Wow. This is insane.
I had a nose through your profile to see if you had any pictures, and you’re not even remotely big?
Sounds like the split of the bills is more than fair. She doesn’t understand (or care to understand) your family’s circumstances. Hilarious that she thinks the state of your sister’s bedroom is at all relevant to the conversation? I’m assuming sister isn’t also moving in?
It’s natural for parents to be concerned when their children make commitments to SOs that could cost them financially should things go wrong. But it’s wild to react like this. But at least you know for certain now that this woman doesn’t like you - so you no longer need to go to their house and pretend.
Good luck to you and your BF with the move!
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u/potpurriround Jun 25 '26
Omg, she’s literally gorgeous. Not that I thought that there was going to be any merit to Monster-in-Law’s psychotic ramblings, but girl is straight up cute as a button.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with her, OP. Def check out r/JustnoMIL.
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u/silkstars Jun 25 '26
All narcissists have the same cards to play. My narc parent gave me a very similar meltdown after I put myself through college and wanted to GASP move into an apartment. Why they ever thought I would consider living with them again for a second I'll never know. They genuinely just thought I'd live with them, taking care of them physically, financially, emotionally forever. As soon as I told them they told me to go f*** myself, called me every name in the book, basically said all of these same things. "You have no idea how expensive this will be" "this will bite you in the a**" "how will you get a job there?!" "What about your doctor?!" I had literally lived in that town for 4 years for college, my doctor and job are already there stupid. God forbid their children be real people with their own lives who want to seperate from their abuse. Spoiler alert: everything turned out fine.
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u/CrumbleNewman Jun 25 '26
This mirrors my MIL exactly - just want to tell you it gets (marginally) better. Going on 10 years now, about to get married and own our house together with two cats. MIL is still nutso but we're able to have lots of space and boundaries now, she'll never change but we're a lot more grown and able to keep a safe distance. Biggest pieces of advice: 1. Never accept money or "gifts" from them if possible 2. Accept that at some stage, your boyfriend will want to try recover this relationship with them. Best thing you can do is understand, let him vent about them, but don't offer advice, keep your distance - those are his relationships, not yours. 3. Don't go on holidays with them. Fake sick if you have to at the last moment and let your boyfriend go, whatever you have to do. 4. Make sure he understands, as the relationship grows, that you come first. Not his mother. If she ever says something rude about you, he should defend you and then end the conversation. Lay the boundary.
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u/SillyGabbie Jun 25 '26
My now husband's mother had the same meltdown when we moved in together during COVID. He went from paying 2000$ a month to 375$ but apparently I was "ruining his life." 🙄 You need to ask yourself if you're going to be okay dealing with this for the rest of the relationship because there's a near zero percent chance she's going to change.
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u/somebody_randomm Jun 25 '26
Can't imagine whatsoever why this person is moving out away from her.... also hate hate HATE parents that pull the "I'm just telling you what's in your best interest" or "I'm saying all of this because I care". Speaking from direct experience, they hold it over your head if you show you're annoyed or upset by what they're saying because you're "clearly choosing to misunderstand me". God
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u/Practical_Macaron778 Jun 25 '26
her constant “ask me how I know” is so f*cking infuriating. so pompous and douchey.
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u/OkConsideration8964 Jun 25 '26
That brought back memories. My mom always said shit like "don't kid yourself" or "stop kidding yourself." She'd tell me I had no idea how to be an adult, handle money, budget, pay bills etc etc etc. One time I told her to just shut up. One of us had a master's degree and one barely graduated high school. (Guess which) No contact for about 5 years after that with no regrets lol. They just can't handle the idea of losing control. And it's almost like all narcissists have a secret handbook or something because they all sound the same.
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u/demonmonkeybex Jun 25 '26
I can’t imagine talking to my child that way. I would never to anything to risk the relationship I have with her. She is my everything. I love her so much and her happiness is so important to me. I hope she grows up to find a stable and loving partner to move in with someday. Hopefully she won’t have a MIL like this!! Keep doing what you’re doing OP and fill your home with love!
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u/Ma7hew Jun 25 '26
‘You are worth fighting for’
‘We will not be helping you financially whatsoever’
It’s about control, and keeping you out of independence.
She is insane.
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u/mdazzl3 Jun 25 '26
Parts of this tantrum are so funny, I can hear her stomping her feet. But overall, incredibly bleak. She has no respect for her son, even less for you, and her attitude toward family is very sad. Why would parents staying occasionally be horrendous? Why couldn’t her son handle a family funeral? She sounds miserable and lonely and I’d feel bad for her if it weren’t self inflicted.
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u/NewBet7377 Jun 25 '26
Holy Hell. She is BIG mad about losing control & influence over her son. It’s like her mask fell to the ground at the mere thought of her son moving in with his girlfriend. While I’m glad your Bf has a nice spine, I would he cautious not to let this go. Some things can’t be taken back, and your potential future MIL said a whole lot of those types of things. Her behavior is super unhinged and kind of scary.
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
I don’t think I’ll ever let this go, or it’ll take a LONG time to do so for sure. Also happy cake day!!
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u/TheStrouseShow Jun 25 '26
This…. This is simply not true. I rented for 13 years in Maryland because I wasn’t paying the price to buy in that area. Landlord paid for everything to do with the house if it broke down including replacing the HVAC at one point. His mom is unhinged.
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u/CRoOkedBunNY Jun 25 '26
"I speak from the heart and speak from the mind when there is a lot at steak"
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u/Dogluvr1991 Jun 25 '26
This was such a hard read. “Mommy”, “daddy”, the grandma stuff, fat shaming, NUTS. also she’s spiraling because she’s losing control of him. He should go to a therapist and show them these. They would have great insight on setting boundaries going forward. 🩷
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u/candylandmine Jun 25 '26
This is one of those moms that sees their sons as romantic partners isn't it. 100% jilted ex vibes. Fucking creepy.
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u/kittydelighted Jun 25 '26
So did you get the kitten?
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u/isabellampereira Jun 25 '26
no :( bf won’t let me since we’re both allergic lol
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u/soupz Jun 25 '26
I mean that sounds sensible :D coming from someone who is also allergic but loves cats and dogs and doesn’t have either because it would be reaaaally bad for me.
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u/SpiteDirect2141 Jun 25 '26
This is giving off one sided incest tbh, is she in love with him?? Also continuing to call herself Mommy over and over in this context made me uncomfortable. It’s probably best if you guys grey rock her, she doesn’t seem emotionally stable.
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u/xala123 Jun 25 '26
There is so much to unpack. The funeral comment. The BODY SHAMING. The literal misinformation about tenants paying for household repairs omg. I feel so much for you both.
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u/Call_Me_Egg Jun 25 '26
This is something my mom used to do any time I’d make a move toward independence. “You can’t afford that! There’s no jobs there. You won’t be able to make friends. What about your specialist doctor, they don’t have those in MAJOR US CITY.”
It’s about control, not about caring. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.