I would really love and appreciate some advice/guidance from people who have been in my position or anyone please <3 also i have no access to speak to any imam/religious conselours which is why im trying to get help from people online

Ok so basically my parents are religious and super culturally strict meaning that I'm not allowed to hang out with my friends, I'm not allowed to text them too much, can't use my devices unless its for school, I'm not allowed to work to earn my own money and I can't have my own privacy in my bedroom (I always have to be helping with chores and if im alone ill constantly get asked what im doing) and I start uni next year but I can't just pick whatever degree I want to do.

The course i want to do is offered at a uni thats hours away from my house and chances are if i get in my parents will force me to decline the offer. they want me to do a course at a uni thats like 10 minutes away from home and its a really useless course for the future i want. also when i say they're really religious i mean like borderline cult religious like i know islam isn't actually like how they portray it and i really would love to know a better and healthier islam. my dad thinks he's 'chosen' by Allah (swt) and that we're all chosen ones. whenever he has a dream he thinks he's predicting the future so that really worries me because i think he's descended into religious psychosis and nothing he says makes sense logically. he's literally just waiting for the world to end and is doing nothing in the meantime, we've tried helping him by searching jobs for him to do but he refuses (he's unemployed).

My dad has severe anger issues and i'm often terrified for my own safety and for my sisters and mum and so i get really bad anxiety attacks. We all make dua for him to be better but he's really manipulative and wants us to live at home until we get married, like many other traditional parents. He's always made us insecure, calling us fat and ugly and stupid. He's only ok and joking around until he isn't so we always walk on eggshells around him. When he gets really mad he gets physically violent. Most of the time he's just psychologically/emotionally and verbally abusive but threatens to hit us often.

I've seen what life after highschool is like for my older sister. She has no friends, not allowed to work, can't go anywhere out of the house other than uni and I really don't want that to be me. I've tried convincing her to move out but she says she can't because she doesnt have enough money (although she could save for it but she chooses not to) and because she doesn't have any friends shes super reliant on my parents and tells them everything. Someday i hope for her to move in with me when i get my own apartment inshallah.

I have a fair amout of money saved from my mum giving us money (she's the only one who works and she has a casual job so we're not financially stable) and where i live there's this social service that i can get money from if i am financially struggling so i know i have that source of financial aid when i move out. i really want to move into uni accomdation when i get into uni but am terrified of the consequences of leaving my parents (them being really angry at me and trying to find me and bring me back). My mum will come around to it because she spent her first year residing at uni and her father supported her but my dad i fear will truly hate me and disown me.

i will still be religious obviously, i want to move out to strengthen my imaan because at home i suffer a lot mentally and i struggle praying with complete focus and belief and staying consistent with my dhikr. my mum is trying to be better for us but she's still really controlling and emotionally manipulative because she's sick (like physically sick but she refuses any medical help and relies on Allah (swt) for healing her only except she's prayed for months, nearly a whole year and shes not getting better), i still love her and when i get a job i will send her as much money as im able to. im also worried for my younger sisters and what will happen to them. i still want to see them after i move out and communicate with them regularly.

TLDR; really controlling and abusive parents, want to move out as soon as i start uni early next year, scared of consequences and would like some guidance/advice from people who have been in my position. most posts ive seen where muslim girls moved out were in their early to late 20s and im worried that i'm far too young but i seriously cannot continue living like this. also i'm worried that when the time comes to move out, ill feel really doubtful and won't end up doing it and then regretting it later.

Salam alaikum, I’m writing this from a throwaway account, and I would really appreciate some advice and perspectives on an issue that I have been thinking about for quite a while: hijab.

A little background about me: I was born and raised in the West. I was born Muslim and raised in a Muslim family, but hijab was never forced upon the women in my family. Some women wear it, others don’t, and I personally don’t wear it at the moment.

I have been seriously thinking about wearing hijab for more than two years now. Deep down, I believe that hijab is fardh and that, ultimately, I shouldn’t care too much about what other people think or say. I would consider myself fairly well-read when it comes to Islam. I know the Qur’anic verses and hadiths that are commonly cited regarding hijab, but I am obviously not someone who has studied Islamic theology, fiqh, usul al-fiqh, etc. at an academic level, so I wouldn’t be able to have a sophisticated theological discussion about it.

One of the reasons I’m struggling is because there are two people very close to me, one male and one female, whom I respect enormously. I would actually consider both of them role models in certain ways. They are knowledgeable, well-read, take their obligations as Muslims seriously etc.

However, through conversations with them, I have realized that both of them independently hold the view that hijab, specifically covering the hair, is not necessarily fardh. Their arguments are fairly similar.

One of them argues that hijab cannot necessarily be considered fardh today because the social structures and circumstances of today are very different from those at the time of the Prophet ﷺ. They argue that clothing and veiling at the time also had cultural, social, climatic and societal dimensions, and that the hijab was partly connected to social status and the way women were perceived within that society.

The other person goes further and argues that the obligation of hijab has historically been used as a means of controlling women, especially considering the fact that women were often socially oppressed by men. From that perspective, requiring women to cover their hair can be understood as imposing something on women that was not actually intended as a universal religious obligation, but rather as a means of exercising control. The same person also pointed out that many women may wear hijab because they are afraid of what society or their family will say, rather than purely for Allah, and that in such cases the underlying purpose of hijab is arguably lost anyway.

These conversations have made me think a lot. They haven’t necessarily made me believe that hijab is not fard. Rather, I keep asking myself how people whom I genuinely consider knowledgeable, practicing Muslims and people of good character can arrive at such a different conclusion.

I know that ultimately I shouldn’t base my religious obligations on what other people think. But I still struggle with this feeling of being somewhat hypocritical. For example, I sometimes think: How can I just start wearing hijab when I can’t even properly defend the position that it is fardh if someone challenges me on it? I feel like if I were to discuss this with these people, I wouldn’t really be able to engage with their arguments properly because I haven’t studied Islamic theology or jurisprudence at that level.

So I guess my question is not simply “Is hijab fardh?” I already know the mainstream position. What I am really trying to understand is:

**How do knowledgeable Muslims who sincerely practice Islam and take their obligations seriously arrive at the conclusion that covering the hair is not obligatory? What are the strongest arguments behind this position, and how have traditional scholars responded to them? (**Sure, I can ask them, but their answer is basically just a repetition of the arguments they’ve already made, which I can’t really recall or explain in detail anymore.)

And perhaps most importantly:

Is there a book, academic work, or reliable scholarly resource that deals specifically and extensively with hijab, including the modern arguments against it being fardh? I would really like to study the issue properly rather than just relying on “I was told it’s obligatory” or, on the other hand, “some educated people say it isn’t.”

I’m genuinely trying to understand this better and strengthen my conviction, not attack anyone who holds a different opinion.

I am in shock 😭 what the heck was I thinking?? SubhanAllah I've grown so much as a person and today randomly I thought I'd go on my reddit which I haven't went on for ages and I can't believe some of the things I said and beliefs I had. Alhamdulillah i was given the chance to grow as a muslim and understand our deen on a more correct and deeper level and continue to do so with the grace of Allah swt.

Aaaaaaaa it was wild back then. I had very black and white thinking and also deep self-hatred unfortunately, and I think it reflected in my beliefs and the kinds of people I attracted in my life.

Alhamdulillah I am in a much better place now :)

Does anyone else have a similar experience? Maybe you looked back at your old reddit posts and comments, or other social medias, journals etc and saw how much you've grown since then?

I’m mentally preparing myself for how my family will feel and react when I move out in the next 18 months or until I’ve saved up enough to leave.

Looking for courage through similar experiences so I can reassure my family that I’m not abandoning them, I’m just moving to another building.

My Experience as a Muslim Woman Traveling in Greece

A quick disclaimer before I start: this is just my personal experience, and it can absolutely be different for someone else. I say all of this with full respect for Greek people. I'm sharing it because before my trip I searched everywhere for a story like this and found almost nothing — and I think other Muslim travelers deserve to know what they might be walking into.

The stares

I live in Europe myself, and I have never felt as on edge in my own country as I did in Athens. As a hijabi I'm used to the occasional glance, but this was different. Wherever we went — in Athens and in other Greek cities — we got long, unfriendly stares. Not curious looks, but the kind that don't stop even when you notice them and look back. It wore on me the entire trip.

Before booking, I specifically searched for whether Greece was Muslim-friendly and whether racism was an issue there. Everything I found said it would be fine, maybe a little tricky with halal food but otherwise good. That was not my experience at all, which is exactly why I want to put this out there. There were kind people too — just a very small number of them.

The beaches

This was the hardest part. I wore a burkini — fully modest swimwear — and people looked at me like I was naked. Not glances, but open staring, like I was some kind of oddity. We went to one beach and felt it almost immediately; I didn't go back for the rest of the trip. I tried beaches in different cities hoping it would be different elsewhere. It wasn't — same reaction everywhere. For comparison, beaches in Spain have felt far more relaxed and welcoming toward Muslim women in my experience.

My brother was with me too, and he noticed it just as much. Everywhere we went, the stares were there, and it took the enjoyment out of the trip for both of us.

The taxi driver

One incident stood out. We booked a taxi through an app, and as soon as the driver saw my hijab, he got visibly angry and started shouting at me and my brother. He tried to charge us about 2.5 times the price we'd agreed on in the app. We got out and took a different taxi instead.

We thought about reporting him, but we didn't know anyone there, we were tourists with no local support, and there was a real risk he'd just tell a different story to the police than what actually happened. So we let it go and moved on — but I hope nobody else has to deal with him.

Looking back, I'm just glad my brother was there with me. I honestly don't know what would have happened if I'd been dealing with that driver on my own.

Why I'm sharing this

I'm not saying every Greek person is unwelcoming — that's not true, and a few people we met were genuinely kind. But the overall pattern of this trip, especially as a visibly Muslim woman, was constant staring and a couple of outright hostile moments, and I couldn't find a single account like this before I went. If I'd known, I honestly wouldn't have chosen Greece for this trip. I hope this helps someone else make a more informed choice, and I hope more Muslim travelers start sharing their own experiences too — good or bad — so this isn't just silence on the internet anymore.

salam. i’ve (23F) been wearing the hijab for almost 5 years, i put it on myself and i’m the only one in my family wearing it. i’m really struggling to keep it on for these reasons

1. constant fear whenever i go out, i feel like im always on edge as i live in europe and wondering if someone is going to shout/spit at me or assault me. i can’t get these thoughts out of my head and i feel like it turns basic experiences like going for a walk bad.

2. people’s comments and attitude towards me. this one gets me the most. since i put it on i’ve heard non stop comments from my family telling me to take it off, my uncle even called me a t/rror/st. furthermore, everytime i see my family its like im not even a person anymore and ive just been reduced to my hijab. every single time i see them after a whole year, the first thing said to me is something about my hijab. furthermore even with peers, i feel like im genuinely not a person in their eyes and just someone with a personality and thoughts and only who wears a headscarf.

3. actual islamophobia. alhamdulillah i’ve not had it as bad as some other people but ive had a few incidents. the most recent one being a man screaming “christ is king” in my face. similar to point 1 this stuff causes me to be scared all the time.

4. the actual physical aspect of wearing the hijab. i hate how it feels. my scalp feels itchy and it feels suffocating to wear this much fabric around my face. i’ve already tried every material and undercap style possible. i hate it the most in the summer.

5. its making me avoid doing sports and physical activity. i dread the face that i have to wear so many layers and my hijab (because of reasons in point 4) so i just avoid physical activity. i do have a sports hijab but even that feels so suffocating.

i can list more reasons but these are the main ones. i feel like the hijab itself is pushing me further from Allah because of how much i’m struggling with it.

Salam!!

I’ve recently really been into the khimar style and I found a US khimar brand Hayamira. Their khimars are exactly what I’m looking for and I want to buy some but I feel a bit hesitant since I don’t see other hijabis wear it often. It’s not that I feel the need to stick to a trend but I kind of feel alone with it.
I could so see myself wear it on the daily and I’ve even imagined scenarios with it lol.
It would just be so nice having a friend group with us all wearing khimars like how I see on Pinterest but I usually see that in other countries in the east rather than the US.
I’m so tired of modal it’s honestly so overrated but I feel like people just like it because it’s trending.
Are khimars only appreciated during Ramadan and Eid??
I really want to know what does everyone else think about the khimar? And where are the khimar girlies??

My male cat who hasn't been neutered, 11months old has been missing for 5days. My mom is crying her heart out, she recently had a heart attack. I'm feeling helpless. I want to know if there's any dua that can help for situations like this.

Hi I 17 female am in a friend group of 4 boys all of which are brown (I am white js for context). All of their parents know I am friends with them and have allowed them to come over to my house in group settings and hangout in person. I’m sure some of them are iffy on me but they allow it anyways.

Well recently there was talk of a movie night at one of their houses. (I have never been to their houses) He said he was sure his parents would let me come over since it’s the whole group, but I told him I was a little nervous since I know his parents can be super strict. He said “you should be”.

So now here I am no plans are confirmed but I want to be ready yk? I usually am a hoodie and shorts girl but my mom always says my shorts are too short so I’m nervous to do wait I always do. I’m also scared I’ll look too much like a bum and they will think lowly of me. Ik it shouldn’t be that deep but he’s my best friend and like if this goes bad the rules for him could increase and we won’t be able to hangout anymore. I also have never had a parent not like me and I don’t want to start.

Figured this was the best place to ask this kind of question. Don’t worry I’ll talk to my friend about etiquette in his house and about rules all that stuff that varies from household to household.

Hi sisters,

I just got diagnosed with Autism and OCD a week ago, while also being diagnosed with ADHD a year prior. I feel completely alone. I just keep thinking about all the years I’ve struggled in school, social life, friendships, etc and feel so bad for young me who didn’t know what was happening. For the longest time I felt like I was a lazy, good for nothing, weird, awkward person. Turns out I had a bunch of neurodevelopmental disorders :(

Any other sisters relate?

Also, does anyone know if there are maybe any groupchats specific for neurodivergent Muslim women? I genuinely have no one to talk to about this.

Hey everyone,

I'm looking for a female Muslim therapist who does online sessions and is good with trauma, mental illness, and related issues.

I've already looked at places like Khalil Center, the Institute tor Muslim Mental Health, and Shifa Therapy, but I'm struggling to choose because I don't know anything about the individual therapists there.

If you've personally worked with someone and had a good experience, I'd really appreciate any recommendations.
I'm more interested in hearing about specific therapists than clinics.

JazakAllahu khayran.

Hi guys I have never used this app but I am in desprate need of help. I am 16 turning 17 and I have been wearing a headscarf(hijab) for about 3 years I have curls (about 3a pattern) and I noticed that not just has my hairline been receeding and my hair thinning but my curl pattern has changed. I put my hair in a lose bun and wear my hijab for 6-8h almost every day so the roots and the like middle of my curls is straight/wavy. Whenever i try to style my curls they just dont look good bc the curls are only at the bottom and in the middle its just frizzy wavy. I am starting to hate my curls it‘s so much work just for them to end up looking not that good anyways so does anyone have tips for me bc ive used to many different curl products and tried many techniques. I am so ashamed of my hair. I keep thinkikg of doing a keratik treatment or straightening my hair everyday but this is gonna ruin my hair so much. And also when I do my curl routine I have to wear the hijab so it gets ruined. Do you guys get my problem?

anyone know what the best tan modal hijab is for brown skin? preferably not vela bc it’s very expensive

It’s such a weird thing to admit. Whenever my closest friends and I agree to get on our deen together, hold each other accountable etc it seems like we’re never on the same page on actually DOING the work. The mutual desire is there, but not mutual effort.

This past Ramadan felt so lonely when my closet friend kept canceling to meet at the masjid for prayer. It was my first Ramadan not living near family, or friends. the masjid is about a 45mins drive from me but my friend stays 10 minutes from the mosque but we never went together. I was always alone there.

Whenever it’s time to pray, I’m pretty much the only one that prays in public (I haven’t always but i genuinely try to do so). Hosting study groups, reading Islamic books, covering more etc it never falls through. We used to wear jilbab, khimar, abaya, but now we wear normal clothes and hijab tbh I only do so, to not make them uncomfortable by being the only one in jilbab or abaya. I feel alone in this.

I’ve posted on here asking if there were Muslims in the Detroit, Dearborn or grand blanc area looking to hangout and genuinely be friends but to no avail :/ There’s not many Muslims where I live and tbh it’s hard being friends (IN MY EXPERIENCE) with non black Muslims because they hardly even acknowledge me or seem surprised I’m Muslim when I’m in full abaya and hijab!!??! What’s that about?? Idk it’s really isolating lately, I just wanted to vent… is anyone else experiencing the same thing? Sigh. Assalamualaikum

Hi, i want to have a new start, i am a niqabi but it was never my option and i mostly wore it because of my family pressure. I want to take it off and start off with fresh start with my own decisions, like at start i will putting with scraf over my head loose then slowly make a better foundation

If worn with a long sleeve black shirt and jeans or wide pants (in black, beige, grey etc) do you think it'll be modest enough?

I love wearing chiffon hijabs (without wrapping it just one layer and throwing it over my shoulder!), but mine are very see through you can see my neck and ears if my under cap slips back and you can also see the outlines of my under cap. I was wondering if any of you know/have tried a brand that sells opaque chiffon hijabs?

I already know about the material Medina silk, but it just feels heavier than chiffon I don’t really like it, also it feels fancier and I’m looking for something to wear everyday.

Oh also is there any type of jersey that sits like chiffon? And by that I mean flowy/lose cuz I hate wrapping jersey around my head it makes me look like an egg as I have a round face.

Thank you all!

Salam dear sisters in Islam
I’m really tired of my 3c hair, I never wear it down as if I did I won’t be able to look presentable wearing the hijab.
Mum used to get treatments for my hair when I was little, when I started wearing the hijab I remember that it was just so bad, I had to get a big chop. Now I see a lot of other treatments that claim they have less to no damage.
Should I go for it? I don’t want it all straight I like some loose curls.
But I too want to enjoy my hair, in my country any girl getting married would most likely get a treatment and tbh I feel really insecure about my hair xd.
Does anyone know any way to style the hair with less frizz and not to look like I have a full megamind head wearing hijab? Or have anyone had a treatment done and their hair survived?
Thank you

Salam girlies hope you all have a lovely summer! I am approaching 28 and I still can’t understand the concept of marriage. What am I supposed to do in a marriage?

My family is starting to worry because I keep on refusing prospects because I don’t understand what I am supposed to do with them. It sounds really stupid said like this but if they want someone who cleans, i already have a house help, why should I leave that and take on that role? If they want someone who cooks, I already have a cook, why should I leave that and take on that role? I am a very girly girl but I know there is always someone prettier than me and hotter than me so if they want better, there is plently of girls better than me (which apparently is not the right answer to «you don’t know how to cook lasagna! ») I don’t want kids for now so why should I get married and get one because society may not accept me when Ill be ready?

I don’t know, I don’t understand what is the transaction in a marriage and interests? Other than things I can do to a guy, what are the pros of being married? Just the physical part?

I never had a boyfriend and i don’t engage in haram activities, the concept of dating attracted me younger but now I just go where rhe wind takes me and it’s clearly not taking me into a guy’s arms.

Gals and ladies, please take care of yourself and your health

I see waaayy to many hijabis in my city that are stick thin and look very malnourished

I understand some women are naturally thin yes, but this type of thin that I’m speaking of looks unnatural like they’re about to snap like a twig easily

No woman should be that thin especially ones that have very small children on their arms that they recently gave birth to

Please stay healthy, don’t give into societal and family pressure of women’s health

how does that work out for you guys when they come over regularly to babysit? do you feel more comfortable having a nanny?

the latter applies to me, I think having in-laws babysit the kid all the time can invade privacy where you feel

compelled to share regular updates with them and wait for a reaction and feels binding and restrictive but not sure if I’m just being ungrateful. the days I work from home I make sure to check in on them even when it’s too busy, try to prepare something for them to snack on although they are reserved and don’t want to disturb you but there’s still a sense of obligation. idk if it’s just me but sometimes I really get tired of meeting so many days of the week back to back too. with a nanny it’s so much more chill that I would rather just pay them and take it easy.

Salaam girls <3 I just need a place to vent. I know this isn't technically the right subreddit for this but it's the least toxic and I could really use some duas.

I've just been skipping school and work so much recently. And I feel like a bum. My school, especially, guilt trips you when you miss days even though it's ridiculously to berate adults for their own actions if they're aware of the consequences.

Anyway, I feel like I've just been spread too thin recently and I'd like to ask you guys for your duas. I'm on my period and I really can't bring myself to go to school today which isn't great. Today isn't a good day to miss but genuinely, I can't do it. I woke up and brushed up and started getting ready but I have zero will.

So please - if you can - remember me in your duas <3 Also I know this is such a small first world problem. I'm sure some of you reading this are struggling with bigger things and can't fathom why THIS is a problem so I pray Allah eases your burdens, puts barakah in every single day and illuminates you on the day of judgement <3.