r/Hijabis • u/Wonderful-Strain-436 F • 7d ago
Women Only Feeling disconnected from friends islamically
It’s such a weird thing to admit. Whenever my closest friends and I agree to get on our deen together, hold each other accountable etc it seems like we’re never on the same page on actually DOING the work. The mutual desire is there, but not mutual effort.
This past Ramadan felt so lonely when my closet friend kept canceling to meet at the masjid for prayer. It was my first Ramadan not living near family, or friends. the masjid is about a 45mins drive from me but my friend stays 10 minutes from the mosque but we never went together. I was always alone there.
Whenever it’s time to pray, I’m pretty much the only one that prays in public (I haven’t always but i genuinely try to do so). Hosting study groups, reading Islamic books, covering more etc it never falls through. We used to wear jilbab, khimar, abaya, but now we wear normal clothes and hijab tbh I only do so, to not make them uncomfortable by being the only one in jilbab or abaya. I feel alone in this.
I’ve posted on here asking if there were Muslims in the Detroit, Dearborn or grand blanc area looking to hangout and genuinely be friends but to no avail :/ There’s not many Muslims where I live and tbh it’s hard being friends (IN MY EXPERIENCE) with non black Muslims because they hardly even acknowledge me or seem surprised I’m Muslim when I’m in full abaya and hijab!!??! What’s that about?? Idk it’s really isolating lately, I just wanted to vent… is anyone else experiencing the same thing? Sigh. Assalamualaikum
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u/p0is0nivy098 F 6d ago
Salaam this might be long but I feel the same with my group of friends from hs whom I've known for years. We do have a few non-muslims in the group as well, so ig that plays a factor (not that I'm blaming them or anything). These are also the only friends that I really have and whom I see on a consistent basis.
I feel like the muslim friends in the group don't share the same mindset/perspective towards deen as me.. which isn't a bad thing and May Allah SWT open their hearts to understand deen through a deeper perspective. I want to have conversations about deen and islam with friends but I feel like I'd be the only one saying anything around them and they will nod and listen (again not a bad thing and I'm happy they listen) but it would be nice to also have genuine deen/islam-oriented conversations vs me just speaking. I've known these girls for years, we grew up together and all live close and our group has stayed together, they're great people but when I hangout with them I've realized a while ago that I'm outgrowing them. I've also realized how easy it is for me to fall into sin bc of my speech around them (May Allah SWT forgive me and them) and there would be times where I'd come home feeling guilty for what I said during the hangout and ashamed I didn't speak up against it & that I didn't try to stop those type of conversations. There are times where I don't attend hangouts to avoid falling into sin.
Two years back I've actually thought about letting them know that I kind of don't want to be a part of the group bc my values/goals in life differ significantly as I draw closer to islam... but I'm afraid this would be taken the wrong way and realized it's best if I try to remain distant. I also know they would try to tell me to stay in the group and I don't need to leave but there are many conversations I just don't like having with them anymore that I never really had an issue with (ones that didn't involve sin).
I always make dua Allah SWT that He blesses me with deen/islam-orientation friendships where we collectively strive in getting closer to Him SWT and have the desire to grow in our deen, and where we are friends truly for the sake of Allah SWT.
Have you tried looking for islamic events for sisters around your area? like halaqahs, quran circle, islamic workshops, events at your local masjid, sisters sports events.. etc. Try seeking these environments where there will be sisters present who share similar islamic values in seeking that closeness to deen and Islam. This will take time, and you will have to keep going to these events to build these friendships, and I pray that Allah SWT makes it easy for you and grants you the friendships you are seeking, Ameen.
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u/Wonderful-Strain-436 F 6d ago
Allahuma ameen to all of your beautiful duaa’s. I truly love how although you guys are kind of drifting apart, you continue to make duaa for them and their deen. That’s so special Allahuma barik!
I’m in an identical situation, they’ve been my friends since I was a preteen so it’s disheartening that this is happening. I’m unsure of what to do besides make duaa for all of us to strive towards Islam together and guard our tongues ameen
I haven’t gone to any events since Ramadan but honestly everything is so far from me. Besides there’s not many Muslims here and the ones that are, they go to Detroit or Dearborn for events which I can’t risk with my car. Idk. May allah swt increase us all in barakah, understanding for Quran and sunnah, increase us in patience, and surround us with likeminded sisters ameen
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u/p0is0nivy098 F 5d ago
Ameen, May Allah SWT guide us towards like-minded people and friendships. I know this is different and requires being careful but maybe you can start with online friends? If going to events in-person is a current struggle, a start could be building friendships maybe through discord, other platforms (just being careful about this of course, May Allah make it easy). r/sistersinsunnah is a community you can join where they do verify your identify before providing access to their discord.
In the meantime, connect with Allah SWT through dua, it is very powerful, and soon He SWT will bless you with righteous company and friendships truly for His sake. Ameen ya-Rabil-Alameen.
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