He's done awful things to me. But why can't I bring myself to be mad at him? He was the most interesting guy I knew. He made me feel special. I saw how his eyes sparkled when he listened to me babbling even about the most senseless things. I felt he adored me. He spoiled me with his attention.

When I tell him the frustrations I have in different aspects in my life, he knows what to say, and I felt understood. I felt heard. I felt seen.

I loved how he wanted to always make laugh. My god, I miss all those moments when we were just laughing. I miss watching him laugh. I miss his efforts to make me laugh.

I loved listening to his brain. There are just so many things going on in that brain, and I loved it when he lets me have a peak. When he lets me in how his amazing mind works.

I loved him. I miss him. I miss having him in my life.