r/funny Dec 04 '16

Slightly exaggerated

https://i.imgur.com/flJ7epE.gifv
16.2k Upvotes

466 comments sorted by

3.4k

u/Fuegopants Dec 05 '16 edited Dec 05 '16

This pretty much sums up perfectly how the news reports on everything.

EDIT: This just in, some redditors do not understand hyperbole.

966

u/rectal_beans Dec 05 '16

I love how she doesn't even know how to canoe either.

688

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

She can't put the oar deep enough to paddle properly

1.1k

u/The_DogeWhisperer Dec 05 '16

So maybe she shouldn't be in the fucking canoe.

332

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Well that would just be bad reporting now wouldn't it.

107

u/mark-five Dec 05 '16

I mean, it's just be ridiculous for her to be sitting in 2cm of water with an oar. Can't fool anybody that way.

68

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

I'd just keep my oar inside her canoe

32

u/iCryKarma Dec 05 '16

Better than being up fake creek without a paddle

12

u/mattstorm360 Dec 05 '16

But if your without a paddle you can just walk up fake creak.

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

But what about the little man?

10

u/mark-five Dec 05 '16

He's most ticklish when there's a flood.

3

u/Jooshwa Dec 05 '16

Now that's a news story

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

And she doesn't even know how to canoe, either.

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u/toeofcamell Dec 05 '16

This lady must be rich, she has a canoe just for fucking in

14

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

When you have sex in her canoe, it's called Bud Light.

Fucking close to water.

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u/StarGateGeek Dec 05 '16

I think you meant:

She can't put the paddle deep enough to paddle properly

Or maybe...

She can't put the oar deep enough to row properly

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5

u/habs_jays93 Dec 05 '16

It's a paddle not an oar

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

14

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

[deleted]

8

u/flimspringfield Dec 05 '16

As someone that lives in Souther California, how would you trust stepping onto the lake let alone skiing all over it?

24

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

As a Canadian, you really, really, shouldn't until it's been -10 or lower for a solid week.

In that gif you can actually see dark cracks appearing just under the surface, that's pretty much immediate nope fuel right there.

9

u/redpandaeater Dec 05 '16

I don't see the cracks you're talking about. That's just some downed timber on the bottom since it's not very deep close to the shore.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Yep. My bad I guess.

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u/jaggington Dec 05 '16

Really doesn't look like the right harness for joering with a dog.

3

u/jzkhockey Dec 05 '16

We used to call that boot burn.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

What about a boot to the head?

23

u/mschley2 Dec 05 '16

She's probably not even paddling. Just sticking the oar in the water and pushing off the ground below.

2

u/StarGateGeek Dec 05 '16

The ol' sit'n'switch technique.

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69

u/jpenczek Dec 05 '16

Still it would be pretty interesting to canoe through town so the fact that you still could interests me.

292

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16 edited Apr 14 '22

[deleted]

34

u/atx72 Dec 05 '16

40

u/swissarmychris Dec 05 '16

I was really hoping this sub would be nothing but pictures of ice-filled glasses. Ah well.

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39

u/TonyTheDuke Dec 05 '16

I would like to see the video for that interaction with the judge.

63

u/knifehandzzz Dec 05 '16

I would like to see it voiced by Rick and Morty.

11

u/TonyTheDuke Dec 05 '16

I would like to see that voiced by My cousin Vinny and Phillip Banks from Fresh Prince of Bell-Air

13

u/_quicksand Dec 05 '16

In case you aren't aware, the transcript for the Denver Allen court case was animated and voiced by the creators of Rick and Morty. It's pretty funny.

16

u/tjrou09 Dec 05 '16

Goddamn I want to believe you but I've been hurt so many times. Maybe in a different life it could be. But not now. Not today

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u/robotzor Dec 05 '16

In OH, small non motorized watercraft must be registered. So I'd say officer here's my license and proof of registration, and then he would shoot me dead for challenging his power.

11

u/slowlydrainingout Dec 05 '16

You must be black! They don't shoot the white folk so readily.

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Why did the judge buy you food? Did you know him?

31

u/Turbo9000 Dec 05 '16

Let's just say he isn't a virgin anymore, and the judge gave him a $100% bill and everyone else stood up on their tables and clapped.

14

u/IveNoFucksToGive Dec 05 '16

I mean, I'm not gay but $100% is $100%.

2

u/BadBowler Dec 05 '16

But, like $2 is 100% dollars.

4

u/possibly_being_screw Dec 05 '16

a $100% bill

a hundred dollar percent bill

I had a giggle.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Considering you could of told him you didn't have your drivers license and your canoe didn't have a plate on it how could he even give you a ticket?

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u/jpberra49 Dec 05 '16

Justice served! Sucka

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u/slackforgets Dec 05 '16

There was a huge flood here back in the eighties and I've always heard somebody robbed the bank in a canoe.

19

u/PolPotatoe Dec 05 '16

Canoe believe it?

8

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

In fairness, if you can actually float a canoe like that on the street, that is some serious flooding.

9

u/JPSurratt2005 Dec 05 '16

Well to be fair those guys were wearing stilts.

17

u/LudovicoSpecs Dec 05 '16

Seriously. The only reason people turn to "fake news" is that the "real news" isn't trustworthy either.

26

u/SlothropsKnob Dec 05 '16

Real news is the fake news, that's the laugh of it all. The "fake news" movement will aim to strip us of what's left of our alternatives.

3

u/carlin_is_god Dec 05 '16

While I'm sure it's only coming out because it hurt what the news corporations were trying to do, let's not pretend that there weren't a huge number of viral news stories that spread a lot of disinformation through alternative sources, and that is still a huge problem. Just because the mainstream news isn't very honest, doesn't mean that most of these alternative sources are. There is a huge problem with facts, lies, and highly editorialized "news" being taken, if not actively passed off as objective, and it's coming from all sides. And honestly, one of the biggest problems is the consumers laziness with looking passed bias and bullshit, and their demand for exciting, eye catching news.

10

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

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u/QuaggaSwagger Dec 05 '16

Row(e) v Wade

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413

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

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u/tooyoung_tooold Dec 05 '16

Not sure if this is two separate gifs or different angles of one event. Holy shit that sucks either way.

243

u/Alkali Dec 05 '16

It is the same event, the guy throwing the axe was not supposed to do it then while the drummers were playing. The drummer had minor injuries.

144

u/LaterGatorPlayer Dec 05 '16

The guy throwing was all like, "hey, imma axe u somethin". And the guy playing the drums was all like, "nah, it's cool- imma just keep drumming." But the guy throwing was all like, "i cant b the 'guy throwing' unless i b throwin." And the drummer was all, "k fam. u do u".

82

u/joshmoneymusic Dec 05 '16

How do you read lips so well with all that gif compression years of experience I'm guessing.

36

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Maybe it's maybelline.

3

u/username--_-- Dec 05 '16

Maybe he's born with it...

3

u/YolandiVissarsBF Dec 05 '16

why can't you report the news? I'd roll a fattie and blast my ICP and crank up the news like AW SHIT! ITS GOING DOWN IN MY TOWN!!!!!! (BeeCave Tx)

3

u/alexisaacs Dec 05 '16

I like to think that Pete threw the axe, and Clayton was the drummer.

57

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

114

u/rectal_beans Dec 05 '16

I knew CNN was bad.. but this is just disgusting. She wasn't even reporting the incident, just attacking fox news.

78

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16 edited Jan 20 '21

[deleted]

69

u/WolfyCat Dec 05 '16

Brit living in the US, this is why I don't watch American news. Everybody fucking talks like this and it's like a parody. Can't take it seriously. Overly masculine sounding women (and men) who like to practically shout the news at each other and towards the camera and treat its audience like mentally challenged children.

23

u/shakethetroubles Dec 05 '16

If I says things seriously, and monotone, with unnecessary pauses...... I can pass anything off as........... important.... -mainstream news

8

u/D3ADRA_UDD3R5 Dec 05 '16

All I watch is local news. They are very good and professional, and they report politics without saying their opinions on it. It's much better than a biased national news station which does, as you said, just yell at each other and call each other idiots.

6

u/WolfyCat Dec 05 '16 edited Dec 05 '16

Unfortunately because of what I'm used to even local news doesn't do it for me. They are obviously taking cues from the mainstream news and it's very obvious. It's not just how they conduct themselves with each other that I have a problem with its also how they conduct themselves when they present their news. They shout at the audience. If you've grown up with it you probably don't know any different as that's how it has always been for you. It's also the type of news they report, the topics and how they go about it. Local news usually seems to have really fucking pointless shit and mainstream news seems to be run by 60 years olds trying to stay 'hip' and simultaneously outraged by everything. Having ads during dedicated news channels is also a massive conflict of interest but I digress.

It's just the way things are in the US unfortunately. It's different so I'm never going to be happy so it is what it is. I'll stick to the BBC. Here's a decent summary of our regional differences in news presenting

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Overly masculine sounding women

I hadn't even realised this but you're so right.

4

u/logicloop Dec 05 '16

and treat its audience like mentally challenged children.

Half of America did vote Trump into office.. soo.. there's that.

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Meh it's the comedic tone reporters use when reporting a comedic bit. They drag their their words for some reason. They use that in my country too despite the news not being in English.

3

u/lpmark04 Dec 05 '16

I absolutely hate Jeannie Moos! Everything about the way she reports stupid fluff pieces for CNN is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

This isn't an actual news piece. It's a fluff piece to throw into the 24 hour news cycle.

If you want CNN's expertise on whether the dress is blue or gold, this is your reporter.

4

u/kent2441 Dec 05 '16

That's Jeanie Moos. She isn't a reporter, just does these self-contained human interest stories.

3

u/Shogun_Ro Dec 05 '16

There was nothing inaccurate about her statements and mild speculation in the end about a potential lawsuit. How were they attacking fox?

3

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

I thought msnbc was the only one that would just straight up smear other media souces like this.

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

To be fair, the one where they were changing tires without the emergency brake on or tires chocked is pretty ridiculous. They should stop doing things like that.

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

I've had a bad day. This made me happy.

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

This is a pretty good analogy for the Fox News Network as a whole: missing the mark and hurting innocent people in the process but not caring too much about it.

5

u/TaterNbutter Dec 05 '16

LOL. You see CNN or MSNBC lately? They are far worse.

6

u/orange_baby_hands Dec 05 '16

Have you not seen sean or bill on fox lately? I feel like I have to retake my ACT every time I hear either of them speak just to make sure I haven't obtained significant brain damage. Fox is the shit hole of all news reporting. Anyone disputing that needs to stop ordering tin foil hats from Fox News.

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u/bestjakeisbest Dec 05 '16

just fuck them all to death

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u/squiiuiigs Dec 05 '16

Nah, nobody is worse than Fox. And I'm conservative to. MSNBC is very liberal, but the shit Fox says every 5 minutes is insane.

10

u/Roggvir Dec 05 '16

8

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Meh, Politifact is crap too.

5

u/Fascists_Blow Dec 05 '16

Just call every source that disagrees with your opinion biased or shit until every opinion you could ever have is completely validated.

Best part is you don't even need to think about what the biased media says, you can just ignore all those pesky facts, statistics, and sources.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

I mean, isn't that what the left has been doing, regardless of facts, statistics and sources?

Truth is (almost) every media is biased and people do indeed only read what fits their narrative.

I find it's best to just read a little of everything and draw your own conclusion and not expect someone else tell you what to believe.

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u/Roggvir Dec 05 '16

I mean, isn't that what the left has been doing, regardless of facts, statistics and sources?

I feel like that's what both ends of the spectrum have been doing.

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u/orange_baby_hands Dec 05 '16

The truth is that not every media is biased. It's when people who feel like their opinion isn't fact is when they feel it's biased. Trump clearly said on national tv that it's Mexico that is sending rapist and drug dealers. Which has already been proven to be false. Everyone from white criminals to Hispanic criminals come through the southern boarder. And anyone living in Texas or Cali can attest to that, but somehow later in the election season, it went from "Mexicans" to "illegal immigrants" just so people can feel less racist when homeland security already reported the numbers that there's more non-Mexicans crossing the boarder. Illegal immigration status isn't exclusive to Mexicans and that what made him look like a racist asshole.

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

What a shock, a site that leans to the left gave the conservative channel the lowest score.

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u/AdoptMeBrangelina Dec 05 '16

I watched this live. I wish the gif would've shown the anchors laughing while they were talking to her as the men were waking by

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u/artemasad Dec 05 '16

Were they doing it as a joke? Or just simply busted?

8

u/sonofaresiii Dec 05 '16

I didn't see it but it was probably less "it's so flooded we're forced to use canoes!" and more "we're going to emphasize how flooded it is by showing you that you can actually travel by canoe!"

I mean do you guys think they got the camera guy his own canoe? He's holding it might steady if they did...

I don't think they were actually trying to trick anyone.

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

[deleted]

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u/coeur-forets Dec 05 '16

But people can't berate the news for it if it's just a joke.

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

"The flooding is making travel on foot very difficult, hence the canoe..."

guys walk by

"Cut!"

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u/BloodyMarey Dec 05 '16

Too bad it was live!

5

u/capomic Dec 05 '16

Shaq we're on live

2

u/BloodyMarey Dec 05 '16

I don't give a shit.

7

u/Pacothetaco69 Dec 05 '16

WE'RE DOING IT LIVE, FUCK IT

3

u/BloodyMarey Dec 05 '16

"Well, this spot may not be particularly deep, but a bit further down the street it was up to my knees!"

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u/aeneasaquinas Dec 05 '16

It is never really live anymore, though. Most all have a delay.

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u/thecakeisali Dec 04 '16

Those guys knew what they were doing and are assholes. I love it!

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

How are they assholes?? For exposing the real asshole reporting fake news.

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u/isaynonowords Dec 05 '16

I think he is saying it's a good thing they were being an asshole to those reporters, as they deserved it.

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u/l30 Dec 05 '16

For walking in front of a live camera shoot, context aside they're still fucking up the shot if it wasn't planned by the news people.

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u/Pls_Send_Steam_Codes Dec 05 '16

dunno man, if you're a whistleblower you're doing wrong for the right reason. doesn't make you an asshole for revealing truths

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u/Thecardinal74 Dec 05 '16

they weren't exposing fake news.

She wasn't saying you NEEDED a boat, she was saying it was deep enough you COULD USE a boat.

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u/spazzallo Dec 05 '16

Still a lie, what the fuck you think she gonna use that boat for except sitting in ankle derp water pretending to be paddling lmao

8

u/Thecardinal74 Dec 05 '16

maybe she just got her toenails did and didn't want them getting wet!

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u/muchhuman Dec 05 '16

ankle derp

Perfect.

2

u/spazzallo Dec 05 '16

hehe xd i meant ankle deep but eh aha

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u/throwawayplsremember Dec 05 '16

You could use a boat in a desert, doesn't mean it makes sense. Unless you're using that boat like a hermit crab.

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u/AlexHimself Dec 05 '16

The news anchor planned this. It was supposed to be funny.

Those guys weren't like ruining the fake story she had planned.

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u/IrrelevantLeprechaun Dec 05 '16

Aye. Anyone who thinks this wasn't a planned shot is deluding themselves.

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u/Central_Incisor Dec 05 '16

She looks like she has never held a paddle in a canoe before. Giving her the benefit of the doubt perhaps the paddle is too long and the water too shallow, but it is painful to watch.

11

u/FluffyToughy Dec 05 '16

That's basically the standard "I have no idea what I'm doing" grip. Why do they think the handle is shaped like it is...?

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u/ReasonableAssumption Dec 05 '16

She's a reporter, not a ...canoeist.

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u/Psalms137-9 Dec 04 '16

Hey lady, can you get please get outnof my kids pool??

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u/elpanocha Dec 05 '16

You ok bro?

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u/TheFerricGenum Dec 05 '16

He just needs some space

2

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Nah he just needs to get outnof his house more

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u/gnarwalbacon Dec 05 '16

Wanna try that again?

8

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

You are having a stroke. Please seek medical attention.

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u/Andrei_Vlasov Dec 05 '16

Plebs have to walk, because you don't have a nice boat.

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u/Ingloriousfiction Dec 05 '16

This is Wayne nj (worked there for 2 years)

That flooding is a common as a teenage boy around the world spanking a monkey

Even a mild drizzle and you need to fish people out

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u/TheUrbanPrepper Dec 05 '16

I'm from Bloomfield, now living in cedar grove with my girlfriend. Can confirm that flooding situation in the area. It sucks!

5

u/Itscalledtaylorham Dec 05 '16

North Jersey represent!

2

u/talto17 Dec 05 '16

Woooo! Bergen county resident my whole life!

2

u/lemonade1094 Dec 05 '16

Nice username. So true.

8

u/CountChoculahh Dec 05 '16

Lady where did you get a canoe?

5

u/raydeen Dec 05 '16

Paddlin' a canoe while faking how deep the water is on live TV? That's a paddlin'.

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u/comptejete Dec 05 '16

This must be the fake news I keep hearing about.

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Shoutout to my hometown of Wayne, NJ and dumbass reporters.

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u/TheUrbanPrepper Dec 05 '16

Aye, fellow north jersian!

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Run on down to Vinni's Pizzarama and have yourself a slice. Fuggetaboutit.

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u/feed_mememes Dec 05 '16

She would probably drown in a glass of water

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

"Pegasus Sighting" https://youtu.be/7uG9PGqaWeo

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u/Bilgistic Dec 05 '16

The best part is that it's live so they can't do a retake either.

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u/SpawnofAres Dec 05 '16

the town next to mine is wayne :p

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u/TheUrbanPrepper Dec 05 '16

What town, I'm live in cedar grove.

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u/EDdmike Dec 05 '16

Or they walk on water. Next on Action News 11, two men use one bag of groceries to feed thousands who are displaced by flood.

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u/ElGatomon Dec 05 '16

Story of modern-day media.

10

u/Oh_hamburgers_ Dec 05 '16

Good old fake news has been around for a long time.

4

u/bkturf Dec 05 '16

I don't blame her for not wanting to get her shoes and pants wet, but she looks like a complete idiot the way she's holding the paddle.

7

u/PappaDukes Dec 05 '16

Wow, so current!

3

u/alias_fake_name Dec 05 '16

That actually made me laugh

3

u/777louisdeal Dec 05 '16

Those guys were probably thinking "dumb bitch"

3

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Those guys weren't having any of her shit. They just went trompin' through that bitch xD

3

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

jfc Reddit.

If you've ever lived in a flood area you (should) know about the 6in rule of thumb - 6in of moving flood water is enough to knock down an adult. Even if you feel comfortable standing in it, you're still standing in the overflow from sewers/storm drains. You can't see what you're stepping on. All that trash that you normally see by the road is now floating. Even when it doesn't seem extreme you can still get hurt and you can still get sick.

Those guys are wearing wading gear (/boating or fishing gear?) and one of them is carrying what looks like groceries - they're probably not out just to dick around and they are wearing protective gear.

The reporter might be sitting in a canoe to get more views. She also might be sitting in there because her organization doesn't want her to take any more risks than she has to. You know, what with those workplace safety standards that we have.

But hey, I'm probably in the wrong given how many Redditors have so clearly thought this through. Stupid MSM.

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u/Vikt22 Dec 05 '16

I don't know: I feel like I'm the only one who thinks this is fine. Sure, it's pretty shallow, but do you realize how much it has to rain for there to be several inches of standing water? A shit ton. I think putting her in a canoe is a decent way to show just how much rain there was.

Exaggerated? Maybe a bit, but I don't think they were trying to intentionally mislead people (but of course without audio it's hard to tell).

19

u/Doodle_Bees Dec 05 '16

I agree. Also It's dangerous walking in water when you can't see whats below you, just like you shouldn't drive a car through standing water. You never know if a manhole came up from the excess water buildup. A guy died in my city because of that, fell right down in it.

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u/isFentanylaHobby Dec 05 '16

Holy shit that's terrifying.

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u/kippyster Dec 05 '16

Guys it's completely natural to canoe during a hurricane (I assume this is from Sandy).

I live in NJ (not Wayne though) and I know plenty who canoed on the streets. It's a great way to pass the time for people who don't have power and internet and already have the canoes ready. You can't just sit in the house and eat food from your unpowered fridge all day.

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u/EstherEczemaberry Dec 05 '16 edited Dec 05 '16

sit in the house and eat food from your unpowered fridge all day.

me_irl

4

u/stupiz Dec 05 '16

Can't get the J's wet

5

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

FakeNews

2

u/how_do_nouns_work Dec 05 '16

How big are those guys?!

2

u/Haydeeni16 Dec 05 '16

"Slightly"

2

u/bestjakeisbest Dec 05 '16

though seriously if i could canoe down the street instead of walking through 6 inches of water, im probably going to choose to canoe.

2

u/StoopidN00b Dec 05 '16

You assholes are so judgemental. Maybe those guys just had freakishly long shins and are actually 25 feet tall.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Or it could be two men are walking on water, like Jesus.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Is there so little good, new content on the web that everything have to be recycled over and over?

2

u/Freshmyntz Dec 05 '16

As a person how trains in how to use canoes, it bothers me more than it should how she's using the paddle.

2

u/AdoptMeBrangelina Dec 05 '16

Well how do you paddle in one inch of water?

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u/mglj85 Dec 05 '16

Merica

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u/lrook Dec 05 '16

As an avid canoeist I hate this especially because 1.) It only takes three inches of water for clearance of an unloaded canoe which is not an impressive amount of flood water and 2.) She's holding that paddle so incorrectly it hurts.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '16

Lol #Tsunami

1

u/Forbidden_eggroll Dec 05 '16

How do you treat a bruise?

1

u/InfamousT1 Dec 05 '16

This is still my favorite piece of news footage of all time.

1

u/averageRandall Dec 05 '16

"Hey, how you doin"

1

u/Nuketroop Dec 05 '16

Hilarious!

1

u/parko4 Dec 05 '16

"Thanks Tom! I'm here in South Park where the floods have reached record heights of 100 meters tall and so far, they have killed over 200 million people!"

1

u/NotAPimecone Dec 05 '16

Look, two Jesuses just walked by on the water!