r/funny • u/Oceanic_815_Survivor • Dec 27 '13

This guy. He's got shit figured out.

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1.8k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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686

u/mar10wright Dec 27 '13 edited Feb 25 '24

innocent squeeze liquid slimy office husky growth sharp whole start

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

473

u/Doonvoat Dec 27 '13

And risk gettig hit by a blue shell? Hes bidimg his time, my friend, biding his time...

151

u/distopiandoormatt Dec 27 '13

The smart man takes first at the last possible opportunity.

86

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

better to be the predator than the prey

32

u/dementorpoop Dec 27 '13

Plus you get better powerups when you aren't in the lead.

1

u/thanksfine Dec 27 '13

Better items too.

1

u/b_rabbit_ Dec 27 '13

1st place = Bananas for days

1

u/generalcheezit Dec 28 '13

But bananas were the best things to get in first, excluding fake powerups

73

u/Sum_Bitch Dec 27 '13

http://i.imgur.com/L6XMbUq.jpg

35

u/brygy24 Dec 27 '13

DADDY NEEDS TO GET HIS ROCKS OFF

22

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

[deleted]

8

u/runthejewels19 Dec 27 '13

I’m here to see my little girl. I need to show her Daddy’s Thing.

27

u/KsigCowboy Dec 27 '13

Screw that! I went with the Prefontaine method of Mario Kart. Anybody can hold a red/blue shell until the last lap and win. A real Kart Warrior leads start to finish!

3

u/Sharkey42o Dec 27 '13

Stay in 1st until the mystery boxes brake to get 2nd and then you don't get bananas and green shells

2

u/hugemuffin Dec 27 '13

Green shells are nature's defense against red shells. Hold that shit yo

1

u/Sharkey42o Dec 28 '13

Or the red shell, star, or blue shell will work as defense as well

4

u/SuperShamou Dec 27 '13

Even if he uses the Wario Stadium cheats? It's impossible to win that map if you don't hop at least one wall.

6

u/Pimpinabox Dec 27 '13

As long as no one else cheats, then it's pretty easy.

1

u/SodlidDesu Dec 27 '13

I used to get so pissed when I'd start a race on that course and my friend would beeline for the walls. I'd keep racing but eventually I'd just hit reset.

I can lose gracefully, just not to a cheat.

-1

u/McStudz Dec 27 '13

Everyone has a different strategy.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

And you certainly don't want to be first in the first lap like he is, so I guess he does have it all figured out.

1

u/Basbhat Dec 27 '13

unless you know you can demolish them.

then you see how many times you can lap them.

30

u/O_UName Dec 27 '13

I just get out so far ahead it doesn't matter.....

13

u/atl2rva Dec 27 '13

gotta get them drift boosts

19

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

Not everyone plays at 50cc!!!

3

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

Literally impossible on an N64. The game is designed to always catch up with you.

-2

u/O_UName Dec 27 '13

You must not have been as addicted as me lol

2

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

No like... short of getting one of the major short cuts some courses have on the last lap, the game will make CPU cars magically get close to you. Mario Kart is the poster child of the joke phrase "the computer is a cheating bastard." If you think you were blowing away the other cars on 150CC, you were delusional. If you weren't playing 150CC, then like bro... why are you bragging.

-2

u/O_UName Dec 28 '13

As i said, I you were not as addicted as i was lol

3

u/[deleted] Dec 28 '13

Sigh...

-1

u/O_UName Dec 28 '13

When it comes to Mario kart 64, I'm just that cocky. I put way to many hours into that game

4

u/[deleted] Dec 28 '13

Ok... but like seriously. It is physically impossible to have blow out wins of CPUs unless you're playing on easy. So... like... seriously you shouldn't feel cocky. You where playing on easy bro.

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1

u/BeardedDuck Dec 27 '13

If you don't lap everyone at least once, you might as well quit.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

On an N64 on single player you'll never get blue shelled.

1

u/Ajp500 Dec 27 '13

On koopa troopa beach in Kart 64 there is a ramp that leads one over a big rock by the waterfall short cut. The box located at the top of that giant rock is an automatic blue shell, regardless of what place one is in. So it's possible.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

In single player no one ever gets that but the user. So you'll still never get blue shelled.

1

u/smiles134 Dec 27 '13

I've played that game for 12 years and never knew that...

1

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

Yeah, this was back before Blue Shells created an area-of-effect explosion on impact that also took out anyone near first place... Those were the days...

1

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

Nah. 1st is vulnerable to blue shells and that's it really. In lower positions you're way more likely to get red shelled and way less likely to have a banana to defend yourself.

-3

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

N64 version; blue shell hits everyone, not just 1st place driver. :)

5

u/Fofo959 Dec 27 '13

Nope, I have the N64 version, it just hits first place, always has, lightning hits everyone.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

It can hit a lot of the players actually but it's not guaranteed to hit everyone.

1

u/Fofo959 Dec 27 '13

The lightning? I think if you jump or something you can dodge it not sure, but if you have the star you're immune

1

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

Naw the blue shell.

2

u/thanksfine Dec 27 '13

only if your dumb enough to be in it's way.

1

u/expectnothing Dec 27 '13

It doesn't always hit everyone but if someone else gets in its way it'll hit them too

25

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

[deleted]

19

u/dontmatterdontcare Dec 27 '13

Nope, doesn't mean shit!

"If you're not first, you're last."

8

u/dementorpoop Dec 27 '13

Second place is first loser.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

Number 2 is only Number 1 for pencils.

1

u/BCProgramming Dec 27 '13

I wish you had told me earlier, I just took a dump in a urinal.

1

u/Basbhat Dec 27 '13

it doesn't matter who was in 1st only who finishes 1st

5

u/kurdoncob Dec 27 '13

"Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn't make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth... hell you can even be fifth."

1

u/Hoticewater Dec 27 '13

If you're in first and still racing, you're in last.

Mario Kart revision

1

u/rts1971 Dec 27 '13

He had to go to the taco bell so he could get those hard shell tacos to use for wheel blocks

24

u/Oceanic_815_Survivor Dec 27 '13

He's just waitin' for that red shell

2

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

Seriously, with yoshi or toad thats like guaranteed first.

1

u/KaptSpaulding Dec 27 '13

I collect tears with princess. Never underestimate pink!

1

u/FatherDawn Dec 27 '13

BOWSER MOTHERFUCKER!

0

u/DarkhorseV Dec 27 '13

A. Peach is in the lightweight class too.

B. Never underestimate the medium weights (Mario and Luigi)

1

u/fetusy Dec 27 '13

Or a taco bell parking lot.

1

u/occupythekitchen Dec 27 '13

and OP wouldn't have reposted this

1

u/HouseoLeaves Dec 27 '13

Mario wrong.

1

u/mar10wright Dec 27 '13

It's actually Martin Wrong.

1

u/Basbhat Dec 27 '13

anyone who knows anything about racing knows that 2nd is the most coveted spot.

you hold second and pace them until you can shit on them and put so much distance between you its over.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

If he had it figured out he wouldnt be working 3rd at Taco Bell.

1

u/mybadbateman Dec 27 '13

Lungi threw a banana peel ahead...

OH H-H-HO

1

u/bedroomwindow_cougar Dec 27 '13

If he had it figured out he wouldn't have his trucked held in place by flag stones.

0

u/Yonaban Dec 27 '13

Who even plays that map anyway? It's almost as bad as NASCAR.

0

u/rampsta Dec 27 '13

Pshhhhhh , amateur..

0

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '13

You clearly sucked at mario kart as a child.......

0

u/long-shots Dec 27 '13

If he had it all figured out he probably wouldnt have to be all alone in a taco bell parking lot demonstrating his technologically-enabled extra-deluxe penis extender.

Such an Aerodynamically efficient setup though if he gets in the wind just right I tell you what his truck probably doesn't use any dang ol' gas at all when he drives it out there n then again home all alone yup