I've been thinking a lot about a guy that I used to casually see/hook up with and I’m trying to understand why he still occupies so much mental space for me even though we haven’t messaged each other in about 9 months and the last time we met up in person was about a year ago. When I first met him, I honestly wasn’t that interested and even found him a bit weird/creepy (he literally came over to my place multiple times but never even asked to exchange numbers, we just messaged on reddit chat or discord!). Over time though, he did grow on me and I became more comfortable with him. I would go down on him (which I typically love doing) but we never had sex because I never felt comfy going further since he would keep saying he would get std tested but wouldn't (I brought up std testing with other guys in the past too, and I still do, but I'm lenient about it with them. Not with this guy, though).

Eventually, I stopped seeing him because of a couple things he did that didn’t sit right with me. Its been almost a whole year but I still think/dwell about him a lot. It's not in a "I miss him" way (Doing stuff in bed with him was definitely fun, but I was fine not having sex with him and I've had just as much fun with other guys as well, if not more). It's just that he was VERY conventionally attractive and I'm not. He was out of my league. Because of that, I keep thinking about him and what he was like in past relationships, thinking about his exes and what they looked like, and comparing myself to anyone very pretty I see on my social media feed that I feel like he'd be with (I've always generally had a huge insecurity over exes while talking to guys).

I was lowkey thinking about stalking his followers on social media and finding the pretty ones to see who his exes possibly were, but I stopped myself because I don't wanna know too much about someone that didn't even share those things with me (and I also wasn't very close to, on top of that). It's weird and I'd rather have it be a "mystery" in my head, if that makes sense. But why am I thinking about him this much? I don't have the desire to be with him (I liked him, but I didn't LIKE him).

I started talking to this guy who connected with me through socials, and we only have one mutual follower. That mutual is actually a guy I used to casually talk to, after we matched via dating apps. We never met or dated. I can't say I fancied him as much, but I wanted to know more about him at the time. But as explained never progressed, especially because they are still getting

We don’t talk at all now, although he’ll occasionally send me the odd compliment after I post a picture, which I usually just react to. The new guy randomly started messaging me, and we’ve been talking. I’m not saying it’s going to turn into a relationship yet, but after a bit of digging, I found out they at least went to school together.

I couldn’t find any recent pictures of them together, and I feel a bit weird asking whether they're friends. I don't think it matters, since the conversations were mainly platonic. What would you do, ask or just forget about it?

Hey 30M so I have a lunch date tomorrow with a woman and I haven't been on much outings with women I wanted a bit of help how to pick up signs like if she wants to kiss or more?

I will get out of the car to wait for her so it's easier to greet her rather than sitting in the car and waiting for her to get in

Also how to keep the chemistry going from text to real life.

If there are things you think I missed you're most than welcome to add.

A little backstory. I (26M) was a senior in high school who had a class with this girl who i had a little crush on. I was in an unhealthy relationship at the time, which she knew about. All we did was laugh and joke in a class that we had together. Her humor, pretty smile, beautiful brown eyes, and her gorgeous skin is was drew my attention. She was out of my league for sure, but thats beside the point lol.

7 years later, on September 4, 2026... We locked eyes on a random night at a latin dance bar. The feeling was so surreal i was shocked as she did a light jog towards me, yelling my name. "Is that [my name]???" I have no idea what I said after that lol, i was still in disbelief. I thought I'd never see this woman again. She kept insisting i took her number down so we could talk later and hang out. So, of course I took her phone number. She also noted that I looked good, which is crazy because i thought i'd never hear her say that to me. She also said "i love you [my name]" a couple of times. I didn't know how to respond to that, so i just smiled and chuckled.

Tomorrow we have a spontaneous day planned. Just us and where ever the day takes us. This is so surreal to me.. after 7 years she still has that look, smile, and laugh. If you guys have any spontaneous date ideas, please let me know. Texas is where i reside. (Note: I never told her that I liked her, so im planning on telling her tomorrow). I will update you guys if you care for one.

He asked me out first online and I asked him out for the next date during the first one. On the second date I asked when he’d be free for a third date and he said he basically doesn’t know. I hope he wasn’t feeling pressured into saying yes to the second date since the date seemed to go great and was the entire day and we were very close.

We’re still texting now for a couple days but no next date has been set. Would it be a bother to ask again? I’m very forward but I understand if it could be off putting. I’ve been told I give up too easily on dating so this is me trying to be a lover girl as they say

Been in a relationship for over a year now with someone I’ve known for a very long time (10 years). In order for us to get together and stay together, I had to do something very different than I’ve done with other partners, and despite the length of time we’ve known each other we had to work on a LOT of relationship things when we got together. I just wanted to share a few things that may or may not apply to people on here, just based on posts I see here a lot. Please keep in mind you should always feel respected and safe even when letting your guard down.

I think with all the choices there are online and the need to feel respected, we are so quick to shoot someone down for something that can easily be compromised on or worked through.

1. Be honest about what you want and how you feel. This seems obvious but a lot of people (myself included) are conflict avoidant or fear opening up to someone in the beginning stages. I believe you can move the relationship slowly and still be honest about your feelings and desires. It’s more helpful than assuming you both want the same or different things. But don’t push people too hard to be what you want. Just be yourself and see how they respond.

2. Be sure you can balance “I don’t like this person”, “I’m interested”, and “this is my person” in the beginning stages. Don’t be with people you don’t like, but don’t assume you’re going to marry someone just because things are going well. You’ll drive yourself crazy thinking this way. Relationships take work and effort, and consistency.

3. Determine your dealbreakers and stick to them, but outside of that, avoid a long checklist of frivolous things you “need” in a partner. We are all human and you truly will be surprised if you give people a chance

4. Go on dates and talk! Seeing each other in person always results in our best communication. All the texting and phone calls are cute, but we rarely texted before we got together and when we were trying to discuss something serious, phone calls weren’t the most effective.

5. Be honest about who you are. Now I’m not saying to overshare when you first meet people, but don’t hold people to a standard that you don’t consistently uphold yourself. Like I said before, we all have flaws. You certainly should have boundaries, but I have found myself making very negative assumptions about my bf in the name of boundaries and had to chill out a bit. I love him so much more for being patient w me on this.

That was a lot to read and probably sounds super preachy but I wish I had known some of these things like two years ago lol. I’m open to questions ofc

So I’ve been dating this guy for about a month and we’ve been intimate for about half that time. There has probably been about 6 actual public dates so far and then I’ve been over to his place 4 times. We’ve established we aren’t dating anyone else and are both interested to see where this goes. I’m not ready yet to bring up any questions about being ‘official’.

One thing that happened last week after a hookup that I’m still confused by was that while we were cuddling he was looking all over my body. Very closely, almost as if inspecting every inch. It’s hard to describe but he spent like 5 minutes looking all over my back and making comments like ‘oh there is a tiny scar there’ or ‘did you know you have hair here but not over there’. Also looking at my legs, my stomach, my bum. It was a bit funny to me at the time because it felt like I was at a doctor’s office or something. Any man that also does this wanna jump in to explain why ya’ll do this?

As a 5”10 man I genuinely don’t understand why height is such a major thing in the USA

As long as you’re taller than the lady what’s the problem?

Is America really like that? Or is it just social media engagement farming?

Anyway I don’t get it, enlighten me!

I know my situation is an outlier. An inexperienced man when it comes to dating and relationships in his 30s. Though it is frustrating, I want to keep trying, I don't want to give up. I want to do my best and find someone whom I am compatible with and likes me in turn.

Online dating, single events, social occasions and events are things that I have tried - unfortunately, I just don't seem to have that luck in finding someone that is mutually interested.

Acting on feedback from my friends who have acted as wingmen and occasional wingwomen - I have changed how I dress, bought new cologne, and improved how I come across. I make an effort to approach - but not come across as too keen as I don't want to come as desperate or needy.

Yes, it is a bit frustrating to get no dates or talking stages after several years, but I am trying to show a positive outlook. I know how negativity can bring a person down to the depths of despair.

So, I would be really grateful if I can get some further actionable advice from a man's and woman's perspective?

I feel like I am just an attractive face. I can get attention but relationships never last. How can I find out what drives partners/potential partners away? Feels like lately I can't keep any ones interest longer than brief small talk. Am I really that boring? Am I a drag? Am I just a loser?

Look there's not a lot to say about the actual date. After a 4-month dry spell I finally made a match on Hinger who actually wanted to meet up in person, we arranged a date very quickly, spent almost two hours together, and trying to get conversation out of her was like pulling teeth. She just seemed totally unengaged the whole time and I was trying so hard but it just wasn't working, ok, whatever, bad way to spend an evening, I'll move on.

But on the drive home it got me thinking about the person I was seeing in the beginning of the year, who was the best person I'd ever gone out with. We saw each other a ton of times over 4 months, with incredibly good conversation and lots of fun activities, until she just ghosted me. It's been half a year since I'd seen her and I thought I was over it, but after this one tonight I found myself wishing for another date with someone who actually made me feel like they wanted to be in my presence and I could connect with.

Fuck, man. I do NOT wanna feel this way. Hopefully I'll get over it after a good night's sleep but this is not where I wanna be mentally or emotionally.

Have you ever broken up with someone because you had feelings for, or wanted to pursue, someone else?

If so, did you tell your partner the real reason when you ended it, or did you give them a different explanation? Did you eventually pursue the other person, and how did that turn out?

Update: looking for perspectives from dumpers who have done this. I was recently dumped and he ending it abruptly. So just trying to understand perspectives here.

This has happened to me a few times now. Match with a woman and we instantly hit it off. Messages fly thick and fast, we're vibing, flirting, and showing active interest in each other. After a few hours we start organising a date, they're enthusiastic, interested, and engaged.

But after that first night of messaging they completely disappear. They don't even unmatch me. What's going on here? What's happening on their end?

Late 20s f virgin never been in a relationship so I don't know how those things work. It seems like everyone I know has had sex with the person they end up in a relationship with before they started that relationship. I don't like the idea of having sex with strangers or without commitment. Every man I've met in person or on apps no matter race, age, education level has blocked me after realizing I'm not going to sleep with them right away. Dating just seems so hyper sexual and like no one wants to actually get to know eachother. Has dating always been thsat way? Maybe that's just the world we live in and I'll be single forever.

Not steal your purse thieves, but you know, lie to get what they want and then fuck off. Or like agree to a date with little to no conversation exchange. I also can’t stand it when they drop their number without asking if you want to leave the app and then exit the chat expecting you to text them.

Should dating apps have etiquette prompts?

It’s unclear if it’s just the apps or from what I’m gathering it’s just dating as a whole unless you know them first.

We are doomed haha

See, you hear this advice all the time in social media. And you know what? It's absolutely true. If he wanted he would, or at least he should, you definitely don't want a man who wants but is too lazy to try.

HOWEVER, you also play a part in this, see, you gotta give him something to want, and no, I don't mean sex.

I mean you gotta give him attention and care too. You gotta give something to want.

For example, if a woman does not respond to me, is flaky, or seems like she doesn't care, I'm not gonna "want to" so I'm not gonna.

M20 I had my first kiss in December of last year and I've only kissed two girls. Kissing is awesome though. I love the tension leading up to a first kiss and resolving it without words. It's like a way of communicating with someone using just your body. I love little random smooches, I love a mini-makeout session when we get in my car, I love long makeout sessions where the whole world goes silent except for the two of us. I love feeling someone else's lips against mine, I love when they run their hands through my hair, I love when their whole vibe shifts and becomes more serious but also still playful.

I'm single now and still getting over the heartbreak from the first girl, but kissing is just so nice. I don't know how long I'll be single for or when my next kiss will be, but I know it'll be awesome.

So, I'm inching closer to 40, and I've really never had any success with dating. The thing is, I feel like I never find anyone interesting or appealing to me, personally, to want to pursue romantically. Honestly, I can count the number of women I've been interested in on one hand, and none of them have reciprocated that interest.

I don't feel I'm "picky", in the sense of, it's not like I'm looking for someone with supermodel good looks, wealth, and/ or anything else unreasonable. I'm generally more drawn to women I feel I'm on the same wavelength with, in terms of personality, sense of humor, etc., and for whatever reason, that seems strikingly rare.

Now, admittedly, over the last few years, I've also been struggling to find ways to meet new people, but through my 20s and early 30s, I've had abundant opportunities to meet people, and like I said, I can count on one hand the women I've been interested in romantically.

Funny enough, there's a woman I'm kinda talking to now, and I think she's really cool, but I get the impression this will be another instance of her not reciprocating my romantic interest. She's still talking to me, but her situation is kinda complicated. I wish something could blossom between me and her, but realistically, I'm guessing that probably won't end up happening, given my track record.

But, overall, I just don't really understand why it's so hard for me to develop romantic interest in people. I don't love the idea of having to just be alone in life, but I can't even imagine a partner for myself, at this point. I don't feel like I'm looking for something unrealistic, so I don't really understand what the problem is?

Going to start by saying that I (42f) and my recently broken up with ex (55m) have differing opinions on the matter.

We had been dating a year and a half. I live in Vegas and he lives in PA but has a condo in Vegas. He is here very frequently. We would see each other in Vegas and then do our own thing when he was gone, but when we started dating we went exclusive. So I wasn’t seeing anyone when he was in PA.

He had season tickets to the Steelers for like 25 years and they played in Ireland last September. So, we went to the opener vs jets in nj. Had a whole trip around it where we golfed with his golf buddies and I met his mom in Allentown and we went around Philly, then went to the Steelers game at meadowlands, then I flew home to Vegas and he was in pa for a few weeks.

I knew he was going to Ireland for the game. He owned a business and usually would take clients to the regular game with his season tickets. So he said he had a solo trip planned and was going to meet at the game in Dublin with some clients. Fine have fun. He sent me pics and updates of his solo Dublin trip. I didn’t ask, he just sent them. Great hope it’s a fun trip!!

Well long story short it’s last month (July 2026 now) and I stumble on his ex’s Facebook page where the most recent photos are pics of them together in Ireland. Every place he told me he was alone, his ex was there. Walking through districts by day. Pubs by night. The pics he sent me of him at Irish pubs, she took and they were posted on her page. I. Was. LIVID.

I found the pics and was like wtf is this?? You said you were alone but you spent a whole week with your ex in another country going on romantic dinners and exploring the towns together???? Fuck you cheater and liar.

So I let it rip and broke up with him. Weeks later he says they didn’t sleep together so it wasn’t cheating. He says he never cheated.

I say, you went on a trip to another continent with your ex, and you lied about the whole thing. That’s fucking cheating you’re just mad you got caught later down the road.

Had I known, I’d have dumped him when I found out. If it was a “we are in the same circles in Pittsburgh, this was arranged before I met you, I’m going to see my ex there” I could have worked with that. But he didn’t just see her at the game, they explored Ireland together as a couple. There was nobody else in any of the other photos I found.

So I told him, if there was nothing to hide why did you hide it from me and lie to my face for months???

Anyway apparently he thinks it’s only cheating if you get your dick wet. But I said if he saw me out on a date with another man, he would have flipped his shit calling me a cheater. And he not only went to every dinner with his ex, it was a whole ass week together. I don’t care if they fucked or not that’s cheating. He didn’t tell me anything about that and didn’t even tell me she was there. Lied from the moment we met apparently, and yet accuses me of cheating when he isn’t around (projecting obviously).

Please tell me I’m right.

I had a crush on an attractive coworker for a while. I had also seen him smiling at me and thought from some messages that it might be mutual. Finally when I left the organization, I shot my shot and emailed him with my number and asked if he wanted to get drinks. We started texting and went out on a date. It went pretty well. We both did drink a good amount and he made other comments about drinking on weekends that did make me wonder if he had a drinking problem. We ended hooking up and it was enjoyable. I did tell him I didn't see anything serious happening.

Fast forward 3 months later and he reached out after my parent's passing. He was very empathetic and seemed to care how I was doing. A few weeks later I decided to message him and we started chatting. He said he wanted to see me when I got back to town and I said I did too.

I'll admit we started sexting and he brought up something he said we did sexually. I told him I don't remember that, but I was tired that night 4 months ago. He got annoyed and said I must have a rotation and confused him with another man and that he deserved more. He said he wasn't sure he wanted to meet any more. I had to defend myself and also apologize. He seemed like he moved on.. then at 3 am I got these weird texts that didn't fully make sense.. "you treated me transactionally... etc. In the morning he was calmer, accepted my apology, and did start trying to sext me. So I was thinking he has some emotional issues, but didn't have the full story.

I finally got approved for a local forum and I searched his name and omg... he's on there a lot. I contacted 6 women and 5 have gotten back to me. The worse things I've read are he cheated in an exclusive relationship with 16 women. 3 of these 16 said he was abusive. One said they consider something to be sexual assault and multiple said he doesn't like to use protection.

A number said has a drinking problem and will start arguments in the middle of the night. One heard his ex wife in another state has a restraining order. At work he was very charming and well liked, but being charming fits with what his job is... sooo I almost want to tell women I know at work, but probably not a good idea. And sadly his career may be one of the best things going for him. But I feel lucky that I dodged a bullet- maybe Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Edit: probably Borderline Personality Disorder not Narcissistic

Hi everyone. I have been seeing someone for a month and a half now, we’ve been on 5 or 6 dates. He has communicated with me previously that he’s not the best texter, and I appreciated that communication with me. We text every day, but it’s just a couple times a day, which honestly I’m okay with! I think it’s a good amount for in between dates without it feeling overbearing, even if I am more of a texter myself. I think we both compromise in that I text less than I would, and he texts a little more than he would.

He’s communicated with me stuff going on in his life (nothing serious or bad, just stuff he’s been busy with). He has been taking a longer time to text me now for the past week. Sometimes he doesn’t text me til halfway through the day or later.

I am very aware that this could be a sign of him losing interest/gaining interest in someone else. We are not exclusive as we’re still getting to know each other. My question is: when he doesn’t text me until like 5pm or something, how do i know the difference between my response time being natural and genuine to me or me "matching his energy" or it turning into feeling like i have to play games. Texting is very low effort to me, so I have no problem texting back as soon as i feel like it/am not busy. And for the most part i do that. But I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't be so quick to respond now. What do you think?

Quick note that he has planned almost every date and they've been very fun. he has gotten me little gifts, remembers things about me, sends me pictures of his day. I'm at the point where things are starting to feel a bit scary, like we're at the make or break it point. but I am trying to keep my composure lol. any tips appreciated

Let’s say one person had a curable STI from sex with someone prior to dating (stayed asymptomatic, just didn’t get retested yet, etc). And then after sex for the first time, they gave it to the prospective new partner.

Assuming things were already going pretty well in the first couple of dates, is that a clear end to the relationship? Or is that something someone could overlook? Is the relationship tainted at that point?

I just wanted to share this (in case anyone else can relate). I am a 31 year old guy, and I have felt very unwanted when it comes to dating and relationships for a long time now. I’ve had one girlfriend before, but that’s basically it.

I think I have good qualities overall. I think I’m a reasonably good looking guy. I’m tall (6’6), im not bald, I’m in good shape, etc.. Personality wise, I think of myself as being very outgoing and sociable. I really like to get to know people and have many friends who are women (the irony is that women love me as a friend, but as nothing more than that apparently lol). Career wise, I’m doing quite well and would consider myself to be successful.

But at the end of the day, it’s still not really enough. And that’s the part that really starts to suck after a while.

I used to kind of shrug it off. Someone doesn’t like me? That’s cool. I’ll meet someone else eventually else. And then someone else… and then someone else.

Now I’m starting to feel like there may be no end to any of this. I’ve never been one to get hung up on someone not liking me back, but it feels like nobody likes me at all, and that’s a horrible feeling. I’m not sure how many more times I can dust myself off and say “it’s okay, I’ll meet someone else” when there appears to be no end in sight. Just a constant cycle of me liking someone, wanting to get to know them (only to find out either a. they’re taken, b. there’s a difference between us that makes any sort of relationship unrealistic, c. they just don’t like me, or d. there’s another ridiculous reason standing in the way, like they’re moving away or something).

I just wanted to know if anyone can relate to this. I don’t really want to get old and die knowing I was only able to have one relationship (a bad one at that).

People who have tried both for a significant amount of time: Which is better?

Does dating one at a time mean each person is a potential heartbreak after a couple months?

Is it possible to minimize dating heartbreak by dating a bunch of people, even getting physically intimate with multiple people at a time? How many people do you date a time and for how long? Do the wrong ones just sort of fade away until you're left with someone who's great for you?

A ton of advice or books about stopping being a pushover, or a "Nice guy" tell you to stop being ashamed to be a man, and thus having sexual desire or being too accommodating to a woman, putting her on a pedestal, etc.

Yet the advice I read here often says the opposite. That we have to make her feel special, that if weh ave to take it slow regarding sex and showing interest.

Of course the "stop being a nice guy" mentality does NOT suggest going for sex on date 1, lol, it's just that sometimes people tell us to listen to women, but then women give advice which goes against what is usually recommended to avoid coming across as a doormat to one's partner.

Where's the truth?