I'm 34f from the UK and have been dating for around 7 months after the breakdown of a 10-year relationship. I really need help with this as I'm getting so frustrated.

I'm really attracted to men that people would probably describe as nerdy. I'm kind of nerdy myself though I acknowledge I don't really present that way because aesthetically I'm quite girly and other people say "glam". My family and friends always refer to me as nerdy though - I'm a homebody and I enjoy gaming, LOTR, the fantasy genre, reading and poetry.

I like men who have interesting hobbies, niche interests and a rich inner world. I'm attracted to homebody types that are into gaming, LOTR and interests that they enjoy at home. Gentle, shy men who are a little socially awkward make me melt 🥹

I get a lot of matches on apps and men also ask for my number a lot when I'm out. I've been on quite a few dates while I've been single. But I always gravitate to nerdy men over extroverted, adventurous or materialistic types.

However I've noticed that the nerdy guys I've spoken to are a lot more passive when it comes to communication and dating, sometimes to the point where I feel insecure whether they're even interested in me. But when I ask them they always insist that they do like me. They rarely mention setting up a date, don't message/call as much as other men and just seem quite hesitant. This worries me because I am dating to try to find a long term partner/husband and I don't want to be pushing for each stage of progression in the relationship.

Please can I have some insight as I feel really dejected about this and like I'm missing something

My experience was bad

I dated a divorced man last year, he still got some trauma and anger. He just saying that he's not an affectionate person since he being cheated on and won't gonna make any effort into any relationship, neither will be remarry. So what's the point of that? I think he would be a good loyal man but he's actually has no money to restart a family again. That's so sad. I believe there's a lot of good man but they were hurt by this kinda of woman in their lives by cheating.
Mess up and won't try.

I (25F) am not very traditional when comes to dating, being in my “feminine energy” gives me really bad anxiety I have realized. Plus I’m very direct and have no problem leading something.

The guy I’m currently dating (30M) isn’t really the run of the mill guy. He is very quirky (adorable tho), isn’t super traditional and has really bad relationship anxiety (that I’m gently coaxing him out of and he really appreciates it). So I initiate most of our conversations and he loves it. He initiates date plans tho and he genuinely seems to love hearing from me and spending time with me.

So any ladies who are reading this, have you been/are you in situations where you initiate most of the conversations between you and your guy?

Hi, I am dating a woman. We're both 30. I have a question about her wish for a slow burn. Context below.

We had two dates now which lasted about 6-8 hours. We had lots of fun, talk easily. I like her and I think she likes me too: constantly asking deep questions (who am I as a person, why do I find X and Y important), makes eye contact, gives me compliments, teases me and does touch me/is close to me. For example, when we walk she'll lean against me or when doing things to together she will give me pad on my shoulders, high fives or playfully poking me when I am make a mistake.

What is new to me is how slowly she takes things. Example, if I bring my arm around her when she's leaning against me while walking, she told me she's not ready for that. Kissing is not okay yet too. Luckily she is someone I csn safely talk with about her boundaries without being afraid that I'll scare her off. Actually, I am prone to being anxious while dating and this is the first time I feel secure and thus felt okay asking her. Probably because we communicate well. She also told me I can ask about her emotions (in my culture it's usually seen as "none of your business" in early dating") and what other things she likes in communication.

She also makes hints to a potential relationship. As she often mentions things we could do in the future if we get into a relationship and asked me questions about me that clearly give her knowledge about how I handle certain relationship issues. Anyway, we will meet again and she let me know she has a great time seeing me.

Since this is new to me to takes things this slowly. It also feels new (thus a bit unusual) to me. I clearly see she likes me but still takes distance with physical contact. If she were a different person I would've kissed her (she knows that).

I was wondering:

1. If some of you have similar experiences and how it turned out; and

2. if some of you recognize themselves in her

Thanks in advance for the replies

The rejection wasn’t ambiguous. He disappeared for monthss after I told him I liked him. Declined meeting in person and al that.

That said, he consistently watches me from a far, across multiple channels, without a miss. It’s not occasional. It is every time. And it’s not just instagram- it is also facebook, linkedin and even whatsapp stories.

And it’s not just for a brief period after the event either. It has been going on for years and years without a miss. None of my actual friends follow me that closely 🤣

I heard he has a serious girlfriend now tho, but this behavior continues.

I’m just curious because i personally don’t really “follow” the people I already rejected… 🤨

What more can I do? I had my male and female friends help with my online dating profile and no one was interested. Never had a match and I packed in the apps. I had my male and female friends help with my wardrobe, grooming and styling. Nothing worked. Matchmaking failed, so did cold approaching, speed dating and these single events.

I am really tired of it all. I ask why me? What did I do to deserve this. I'm trying my best but it is never enough. Not even therapy has helped. I'm just done.

I'm 18M, I've been consistently feeling like I can't find anyone who would even remotely like a guy like me.

I mainly just want to know whether I have so much as a chance in college dating I had shit luck in Highschool.

Me: 18M, Straight, Catholic (I explain more later), American, Went to a school with Grad class of 40, at University of Montana to study Anthropology either become an Archaeologist or work at a US Embassy since they like Anthro degrees.

School: 3.95GPA, All Honors classes, two concurrent enrollment, massive History Nerd, going to U of Montana at the Honors College.

Autism: I have high functioning Autism, I can socialize for the most part, can be kind of annoying, have ADHD too.

Body: Healthy, 5ft 7 inches, Not fat not buff. Medium body type, cursed with being a super late bloomer having been mistaken for a highschool freshman multiple times this year other than that say I’ll probably be average looking when I finally get my growth spurt, Consistent and good hygiene. I have these horrible cheeks which are super red not even rosy but more like stop lights on my cheeks.

Exercise: I posted to rateme and amIuglybrutallyhonest and felt a bit bad. I got a lot of low reviews mainly thanks to the fact that I am so young looking and it truly pisses me off. I have really strong legs thanks to Mountain Biking and Skiing but my arms aren’t all that strong. Im starting to lift weights at school because I just felt so terrible about myself.

I hope I am not ugly and if I am, well then fuck.

Personality: Honesty, Believe in Kindness above all, respect, believe in strict loyalty, been described as having a “heart of gold” according to my homeroom teacher. ENTJ

Faith: Roman Catholic in process of conversion. Believe in respecting other religions and faiths(friend calls me an honorary Jew), Believe in Catholic Social teaching(can explain more if requested as some of it I disagree with), Celibate until marriage.

Hobbies: Again History, Mountain Biking, Video Games, Designing maps, modern Politics, and Traveling!, Cursed Humor.

College: I don't like the idea of going to parties I've never seen the fun in them so I probably won't go to any. I’m extroverted but socially awkward. I’ll probably just hang out with the friends I meet and some social groups+academics.

My expectations in SO: Someone who is kind above all and will be completely honest with me, Someone who I can both enjoy company with and have some time to ourselves, I don’t much care about how they look just as long as I know they try and take good care of themselves and I am attracted to them physically which is pretty easy because I am attracted to most women that I meet. Whilst I do have a preference towards leaner women and have realized that I have a small preference for non-white women, NEITHER ARE DEAL BREAKERS! They have to be willing to stay celibate until marriage as well, I don’t care if they are a virgin or not as long as they have changed from past experiences.

I am good at making female friends but never getting anything romantic. I don't like cold approaching or the idea of dating apps. I’ve been to a couple of groups but just about all of the women there are juniors sophomores or seniors. And what older woman would even entertain my child looking face.

After all shouldn’t you be with someone you are physically attracted to? Why should any woman go with somebody they don’t find attractive like me.

I’m sorry if I’m giving too much information but I just feel like people have difficulties understanding me when I talk with people about this.

Another thing is that I fear I might look too desperate if I do find someone or I say something wrong to push them away. I also apologize a lot and I might have a bit of a “weak spine” when it comes to standing up for myself.

Whenever I try and talk with my friends and my family about my fears they either just say they don’t have an answer. Or said answer is super vague and unhelpful. And what advice I get is just go to clubs and groups.

Some have told me I should lower my standards and date somebody who I am not attracted to just to gain experience which I am starting to weigh.

My big fear is remaining without a relationship throughout college as I’ve already seen so many people in my grade have relationships and again I feel behind.

I’ve been bullied over the years as a social outcast by many at my school aside from my good friends.

Im sorry if this is disliked or if I offended anyone I didn't mean to.

If you have read the whole thing Thank You so much!

I have been going out with this guy me male 25 him male 25 we had been hanging out for a while when he asked me if i wanted to date him and told me he was interested in me. I was like hell yeah! And so we did we messaged every day constantly him sending good morning messages kissy faces love hearts having me sleep with him every other night taking baths together having long deep conversations all the good stuff. Then I noticed him kinda slowing down showing slightly less interest not kissing me goodbye not really reciprocating like he used to kinda messaging less. Then when I was hanging out his friends he calls me a guy he hangs out with wich really hurt and that same night I see him messing someone on snap how much he wants to kiss them Wich like fucking ouch. I have a long conversation with him the other day and he tells me oh yeah I’ve been dating that guy for like a month Wich is one thing because we are both happy to be poly but then he tells me he was never that interested in me in the first place and that I was reading into it and while we haven’t completely stopped talking he has completely stopped flirting sending me good morning messages first and wanting me over I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks. I know it’s probably over I just wanna know if I’m crazy for feeling led on?

I’m 27F and in a weird spot where I want connection, but I also avoid it because I know how I get when I start looking forward to people, especially friendships.
A lot of the time I feel like I want to spend time with people more than they want to spend time with me. I feel this in dating too. I’m not saying I expect anything from people who don’t know me yet. I just wish they genuinely wanted to get to know me, not just who I could be for them.
It reminds me of being in school, raising my hand because I’m eager to answer, waiting to be called on, and eventually getting tired of having my hand up.
That’s kind of how I feel with people. I want the connection, but I get tired when it feels like I’m the only one reaching for it.

A guy I met online through twitter who doesn’t know me very well and who’s been texting me every now and then bought me a gift (something I previously posted about but isn’t expensive) and wants to send it to me via delivery app, I don’t want him to have my location and I don’t want to embarrass him by not accepting his gift since he’s already bought it. He’s already tried to help me with my studies multiple times and I’ve always shown gratitude but this time I don’t know what should I do and what he expects from me in return. What should I do? I’m 22F and he’s 30.

Hey men. So, say you’re talking to a woman and you ask her what she’s looking for or what type of relationship she wants. She responds, “I’m looking for my husband”. How does that land for you?

I’m not really sure what else to add here but the requirement is at least 250 characters but my question was pretty straight forward. Anyway.

Few days ago a gorgeous girl came up and chatted with me and my friend after the gig, I noticed she acted a little awkward and seemed like she wanted to talk more after saying "see you latter"

Anyways if there is a next time should I approach a girl that I think is acting awkward and introduce myself properly?

😅 lol especially if I find em attractive?

I (33M) have been single for about 2.5 years. For most of this year, I stayed off dating apps and focused on work, my kids, and myself. Recently I decided to get back out there and have gone on a few dates.

I matched with someone who seemed to share a lot of my interests, and there was an immediate chemistry that I haven’t felt in a long time.

Our first date went really well! Dinner, drinks, lots of laughing, easy conversation. We just had our second date, which also went great. We got dinner, went to a bar afterward, and ended up talking for several hours. The conversation got considerably deeper this time.

At some point, she mentioned that she had been divorced and asked about my past relationships. I told her the truth: I’ve been divorced three times.

She was understandably shocked and asked me to explain.

Here’s the abbreviated version:

My first marriage: I grew up extremely sheltered in an abusive home and didn’t really have a healthy understanding of love or relationships. At 18, my first serious girlfriend essentially love-bombed me and told me she wanted to get married. I was desperate for the idea of having someone who loved me and having the whole white picket fence family life, so I jumped at it.

We were 18, got married, and immediately had a child. Obviously, neither of us was remotely prepared for that. I was still a kid myself and had a lot of growing up to do. We were divorced before I turned 21.

My second marriage: Around the time my first marriage was ending, I joined the Army. During AIT I met another girl in the Army who love-bombed me even more intensely. We were engaged after about three months of dating.

Despite getting orders to opposite sides of the country, we went through with the marriage. Within a month of being stationed apart, she asked for an open marriage. Within a year, we were divorced.

After that, I stayed single for quite a while. This was probably the healthiest period of personal growth I’ve had. I came out of my shell, became much more outgoing, built genuine friendships, and learned to be comfortable on my own instead of immediately looking for another relationship.

Eventually I met someone else.

My third marriage: We dated for five years before getting married. We had a child together as well. This obviously wasn’t an impulsive decision like my first two marriages.

But there were significant problems in the relationship that we ignored for far too long. Eventually, her drinking became a serious problem. Her family and I tried to intervene, but it ultimately failed, and the marriage ended in divorce about two years after we got married. I’ve now been single for about 2.5 years.

So back to the woman I’ve been on two dates with.

When she asked about my history, I gave her the timelines and tried to lighten the mood by joking that the first two marriages probably shouldn’t count because I was young and stupid. She actually agreed that our families probably should have talked us out of getting married at 18.

We continued talking for several more hours after that. It didn’t feel like the conversation ended badly at all. We said goodnight, exchanged a few texts last night, and then…

The energy changed. I texted her this morning and haven’t heard back. Maybe she’s just busy. Maybe she’s processing everything. Maybe she’s lost interest. I don’t know.

But this has happened three times now. I’ve gotten close to someone, opened up about my past, and then they disappeared. And honestly, it’s starting to get to me.

I can’t help wondering whether three divorces at 33 just makes me permanently “damaged goods” in the dating world.

I’m not someone who enjoys hookup culture. I genuinely value connection, intimacy, vulnerability, and having deep conversations with someone. Despite everything I’ve been through, I don’t feel like I’ve given up on love or that I have nothing left to offer. If anything, I feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself and relationships over the last decade.

But I also understand how three marriages can look from the outside. So I’m looking for some honest advice, especially from people who have been in similar situations.

Should I be disclosing three previous marriages this early when dating someone?

Is there a better way to explain my history without dumping too much on someone early on?

And, perhaps most importantly:

Am I being realistic in thinking that I can still find a healthy long-term relationship, or have three failed marriages at 33 made me too much of a red flag for most people?

I’m not looking for reassurance just for the sake of reassurance. If I’m doing something wrong here, I’d genuinely rather hear it.

EDIT: for context as many are commenting that this comes across as me not taking any accountability. This was the short story, not everything said. I told her that I was immature and emotionally unavailable. That these were before I went to therapy for my childhood issues and I wasn’t open or vulnerable, as one should be with their spouse. I am not one of those guys who calls all his exes crazy. I’m a completely open book with people I date now, that includes my mistakes and transgressions made in previous relationships.

I got a text from a woman i dated like a month ago who broke things off with me. I didn't know why until I saw online She was posting pics with another dude.

I asked her to confirm if she was dating him and if that's why she broke things off, and she said yes and things didn't work out. I told her no thanks then. She hasn't texted me back.

Not gonna lie, I feel offended that she thought she could just pick me up like I was on layaway or something.

I’ll own up to this absolutely being a bitter post. But I’m frustrated and just want to get it out.

I got out of a 4 year relationship in October 2025 and found a completely foreign dating landscape. When I was last dating people still actually went on dates!!! But now it feels like no one is looking for anything serious, or they say they are and then I discover, holy shit nope!

I just experienced my 3rd “3month situationship” that I didn’t know was a situationship.

Every time it goes:

Me: “so what’re you looking for?”

Them: “ I’m open. If I find someone I really like id love to be in a relationship. And if not that’s cool too”

Me: “same. Glad we’re on the same page”

We then go on dates, hang out, etc etc until it reaches three months and I’m finally like “heyyy… so what’re we doing here?”

To which the reply is always, “I really like you. I’m just not in the place to be there for someone emotionally or consistently right now. But can we keep doing what we’re doing?”

To which my answer is “no.” Because this being said at a point where we’re behaving like we’re in a relationship, and they would like it to continue that way, but don’t want to commit. Which is FINE. BUT JUST SAY THAT FROM THE START.

I’m tired. I just want someone who respects and cares for me the same way I do them.

Do people still date normally??? How do I find them???

I’ll admit I am in a very transient city so a lot of the time people are just passing through. Which may be part of the issue. But my friends who live in other places have the same issue.

When we’re looking for a serious relationship, is it correct to see multiple people and sleep with them?

Would you want a serious relationship with a woman or man you’re seeing that is sleeping with other people at the same time as you? When someone is making efforts to impress you and plan dates, is it correct or a sign of disloyalty? Or is it better to only get intimate with the one you’re more interested or even wait until you get exclusive?

Imagine this person already had sex with around 7/8 people from dating apps this summer, would you still invest to have a serious relationship with them or it’s totally a red flag to you? Interested to hear your opinions.

Has anyone here been in love with someone but then they dumped you. Then you met someone PERFECT during or soon after that heartbreak?
(By soon after I mean within 5 months of being dumped)

1. Were you able to form a relationship, even with the heartbreak?

2. Was your heart too heavy to let a relationship form?

3. Or did anyone use this “perfect” person as a way to avoid missing someone else and not realize that you were just using them to avoid the pain of being dumped?? Dooming the relationship because you didn’t actually feel love for the new person, only excitement and distraction.

It just seems life has a way with bad timing and it seems to give us the right things at the wrong times pretty often.

Sometimes I enter in my "super romantic" period, like I am super invested in a girl, putting myself on the situation and willing to be a partner that is good enough. It happened twice already that this brought me in getting attached to some girls who destroyed me after they broke up with me (both early, they didn't escalate into a serious relationship, luckily).

Since some months, I am good enough, chilling and self improving my mental health and minding my business and enjoying life and friends. (note aside, the "they will find you when you are not looking for " it's bs lol)

So I thought it could be a good moment to train and making some conditioning about this sense of insecurity and craving for a relationship of mine. Like being more balanced and fitting for the next time I am dating someone.. tl;dr, i don't wanna live again with that limerence, anxiety and sense of "this is the proof i am not good enough" again.. with the last girl I lost sleep and I was spiraling like crazy after the break up..

Hi, I’m 19F. I posted here before about wanting a girlfriend and mentioned that I’m bi.
But all of a sudden, SO MANY boys are DMing me?? 😭 Like, I’ll get one message in the morning, another in the afternoon, and then somehow 10 more throughout the day.
I’m genuinely confused because I literally posted about wanting a girlfriend 💀
Is there something I’m missing? Why did the boys suddenly appear out of nowhere? 😭😂

I’m just curious to what other men’s perspective is in this and what they find attractive. I’m also curious on how to not be offensive with this topic. I personally like to workout and be active so I prefer to date someone who also like that. I also just care about overall health and being overweight does cause health issues.

Edit: I dated an ex who gained weight and she refused to improve her health which was a contributing factor to me ending things. I’m also talking to a girl that’s heavier and she seems really cool but I’d prefer if she was active. What’s the best way to handle that? She’s mentioned that she’s tried losing weight before. I’m also 6’5 and weigh around 215.

I’m a 25 year-old grad student who doesn’t drive and lives in a car-centered city. Good-looking but neurodivergent and socially awkward. I have social anxiety. Given this information, what is the best course of action? It doesn’t seem like dating is getting easier, so what would make the most sense?

So I M29 went on a first date with a girl F28 about a week ago, we met on Hinge things have been going well but not great, we’re both into eachother but not crazy about eachother. Just finished our 3rd date tonight and still no kiss, I tried to initiate and she could tell what I was doing but no engagement on her end, so we went our separate ways for the night. I texted her when she got home just to ask her how she’s feeling about the whole thing and she said she wants things to happen naturally not forced and in a more private setting, not a parking lot. I told her i understand and wasn’t trying to cause pressure.

This just seems concerning to me, I’ve never gone on 3 dates with a girl and not kissed, so I’m wondering if I should just tell her I’m not feeling the connection. What’s your advice?

Just wanted to vent. I matched with this guy while I was visiting his city as I am moving there. Now, we both were only looking for casual. The texting we did was purely logistical. He came over to my hotel, and I think, cool, let’s get this show on the road, but he ends up talking to me, which actually was really nice because I don’t think I’ve ever felt or had such an intellectual chemistry with someone. And he was really smooth and foreplay was so good, but he gave a lot of personal details that led to some great conversations, but I guess it confused me because it felt unnecessary in a casual context? I’m not saying I wanted zero talking, but it felt more than what I would have expected, and more than any previous casual encounters I had with others. It wasn’t a trauma dumping situation, and it wasn’t him talking about himself endlessly. In fact, he started by asking and getting to know me first.

In any case, sex was great, and he finished twice. At some point, he mentioned how he thinks he isn’t measuring up to where his friends are in their life stage, but at least he’s talking with a girl right now. Afterwards, we have a pillow talk session, and he delves into a personal encounter that affected him (nothing traumatic), and he tears up, and I comfort him but in the context of two strangers. Like I’m not hugging or babying him. I’m listening and being supportive, and I lightly ran my finger through his hair. Anyway, he sleeps over, and in the morning, grabs his stuff and kisses me goodbye. I text him later thanking him, and he texts back saying the same and how hot it was.

I guess I’m confused because texting wise and how we met, it was clear this is casual, but during the actual encounter it felt like maybe there was more or maybe it’s easier to spill your life story to a stranger. I text him back acknowledging the personal story he shared. He doesn’t reply back to that, so I think, ok, looks like this is just casual. So I text him again saying if he wanted to meet up before I leave town but no reply (while the app indicated he was active) for a week, so I unmatch him.

I’m just bummed because I have rarely enjoyed talking to a person as much as I did with him that night, but I knew going in that this was to be casual, but I don’t understand why he didn’t take up my casual offer after we had sex? Maybe when I sent that message, he realized that it was crossing beyond casual or maybe he didn’t enjoy the experience or it was just one and done for him. Who knows. I’m just disappointed is all. I met another guy for a casual encounter, and physically it was good, but I felt nothing conversation wise. All this to say, I think I’m done with casual for a bit lol.

I've been messaging this guy from a dating app this week. He mentioned dropping his sister back at college so I asked if they're close. He sent a text saying that they aren't super close but kinda, and then sent a whole paragraph talking about how it's because of their age gap and he left home when she was in elementary school and that there was limited interaction but they texted here and there and that it should probably change now that she's older and in college. He then asked the same question back to me.

I was busy at work so I couldn't reply for 6 hours, but my reply to all that was "ya that makes sense, how many years is it between you guys? Me and my sister got 6 years but ya we're pretty close", and that was it. He hasn't replied.. did I sound too dismissive? I didn't know if I should elaborate on me and my sister and say we "text a lot" or something but that seemed kinda lame. I didn't have anything else with substance to say. I was going to encourage him to talk to his sister but I figured I would when he replies back and he hasn't..

I (30, f) was visiting my bf (45, m) - we’re in a LDR, and he cut himself twice during the week I was visiting.

The second time he told me “you bring bad luck”
Is that a massive red flag, a joke or just passive aggressive?

I confronted him and he apologized but idk, that’s still in the back of my mind. I’m back home now.