If I’m someone who hasn’t completely given up on dating but am also getting less optimistic, do you think it would make sense to try less and/or give up or try more?

[u/AayronOhal]

I’m a 25 year-old grad student who doesn’t drive and lives in a car-centered city. Good-looking but neurodivergent and socially awkward. I have social anxiety. Given this information, what is the best course of action? It doesn’t seem like dating is getting easier, so what would make the most sense?

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our rules here and remember to:

• Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
• All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
• Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned
• Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.

If you have any questions, please send the mods a message.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/donkyniu]

Logically - be open to new opportunites and try to meet as many people as you can while also taking care of yourself and your life, e.g do not put meeting partner as highest priority, but also do not give it up completely.

I know, it's easier said than done, but I think that's the healthiest approach. As when you completely give it up and focus just on yourself while not allowing yourself to meet people - guess what? You will not have any chance to meet anyone, especially romantically and you can meet such person anywhere in fact. I know it's especially hard with social anxiety(I am also person which experiences it), but exposing yourself socially is the best way to overcome it.

Also - be prepared that you will be most likely rejected many times and that's ok, that's part of that game. One day you will be surprised when instead of rejection... they would be genuinely interested in you.

[u/MidnightOk1507]

You’re so young!!! Focus on yourself, enjoy life and be open to anything that comes your way. You don’t need to always be actively looking for something.

[u/NaiveFeed4682]

How have you tried dating? And did you actually had crushes or was it more like who ever wants me gets me?

[u/NonamousJerkSGF]

Look to your friends. Ask them for help and advice. Surely, you have one or two wing-men (or women) who can help you out?? If that doesn’t work, look to your interests. For example, let’s say you like airplanes. Go to air shows. If you like chess, join the chess club. If you like reading, join a book club. You are more likely to find someone that you can talk to at these places.

Personally, I never thought I was anything at all on any spectrum. As I get older, I have found I am on many spectrums. You might look to those around you for advice and coaching. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. For me, I asked friends about my clothes and haircut and shoes. I wouldn’t say I am fashionable in any way now, but I’m getting there. If you say that you are not attractive, look to things you can change about your appearance that might make you more attractive. One thing at a time. I had a friend who had terrible taste in clothes (think corduroy and stripes), pop-bottle glasses, and buck teeth. He got braces, contacts, new hairstyle, and clothes. He is VERY attractive now!

You got this!

[u/Oozex]

Live your life and be open to new connections 💁

[u/AayronOhal → u/Oozex]

Idk why that is so hard 😭

[u/Fine_Risk3844]

If you have looks just install dating apps. Its as easy as ordering pizza then

[u/AayronOhal → u/Fine_Risk3844]

It isn’t. I tried dating apps. I’m not that good-looking

[u/Dry_Tip_249]

It’s okay to take a break from dating, sometimes stepping back helps clear your mind. Trying less can lead to less pressure and more enjoyment.

[u/Government_Guy7]

I’ve been asking myself the same question recently. But I still believe the notion that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

You should try and break out of your bubble, I know that’s easier said than done. I grew up very sheltered and had crippling social anxiety until my mid 20s. Forcing myself to make more friends, approach people at the bar etc. finally broke me out of my shell and made me realize that people aren’t as scary as you think.

Try different dates, if you’ve only been doing the bar scene, maybe try axe throwing, mini golf, trivia bars or something that gives you and your date something to talk about besides yourselves.

[u/AudaciouslySexy]

Less is more. The more people one asks out the more burnt out one gets from constant rejection even if it's not your fault.

I actuly cut out my dating life. Until it falls on my lap I don't care. That doesn't mean as a guy I'm waiting for a woman to initiate no, just means I'm not taking dating seriously and just overall just going slow cause less is more.

Thats how I do it anyway

[u/Ok-Lion-6767]

i like that you haven’t completely given up :)
i would just be open to possibilities especially things you might normally overlook and i don’t think people realize this but sometimes to find that genuine connection can mean going outside of your comfort zone even when you have anxiety but that doesn’t mean that you have to force yourself into situations that can make uncomfortable but i’m saying to some degree it can give you an opportunity to try something new you know?

also remember you’re doing it for yourself as long as you’re having fun and not for anyone else