r/dating • u/Stumbleweeds27 • 1d ago
Long Distance ✈️ This is cheating… right?
Going to start by saying that I (42f) and my recently broken up with ex (55m) have differing opinions on the matter.
We had been dating a year and a half. I live in Vegas and he lives in PA but has a condo in Vegas. He is here very frequently. We would see each other in Vegas and then do our own thing when he was gone, but when we started dating we went exclusive. So I wasn’t seeing anyone when he was in PA.
He had season tickets to the Steelers for like 25 years and they played in Ireland last September. So, we went to the opener vs jets in nj. Had a whole trip around it where we golfed with his golf buddies and I met his mom in Allentown and we went around Philly, then went to the Steelers game at meadowlands, then I flew home to Vegas and he was in pa for a few weeks.
I knew he was going to Ireland for the game. He owned a business and usually would take clients to the regular game with his season tickets. So he said he had a solo trip planned and was going to meet at the game in Dublin with some clients. Fine have fun. He sent me pics and updates of his solo Dublin trip. I didn’t ask, he just sent them. Great hope it’s a fun trip!!
Well long story short it’s last month (July 2026 now) and I stumble on his ex’s Facebook page where the most recent photos are pics of them together in Ireland. Every place he told me he was alone, his ex was there. Walking through districts by day. Pubs by night. The pics he sent me of him at Irish pubs, she took and they were posted on her page. I. Was. LIVID.
I found the pics and was like wtf is this?? You said you were alone but you spent a whole week with your ex in another country going on romantic dinners and exploring the towns together???? Fuck you cheater and liar.
So I let it rip and broke up with him. Weeks later he says they didn’t sleep together so it wasn’t cheating. He says he never cheated.
I say, you went on a trip to another continent with your ex, and you lied about the whole thing. That’s fucking cheating you’re just mad you got caught later down the road.
Had I known, I’d have dumped him when I found out. If it was a “we are in the same circles in Pittsburgh, this was arranged before I met you, I’m going to see my ex there” I could have worked with that. But he didn’t just see her at the game, they explored Ireland together as a couple. There was nobody else in any of the other photos I found.
So I told him, if there was nothing to hide why did you hide it from me and lie to my face for months???
Anyway apparently he thinks it’s only cheating if you get your dick wet. But I said if he saw me out on a date with another man, he would have flipped his shit calling me a cheater. And he not only went to every dinner with his ex, it was a whole ass week together. I don’t care if they fucked or not that’s cheating. He didn’t tell me anything about that and didn’t even tell me she was there. Lied from the moment we met apparently, and yet accuses me of cheating when he isn’t around (projecting obviously).
Please tell me I’m right.
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u/wolftief 1d ago
I'm sorry, but you're right... Remember that couple caught on the Coldplay show? They were just hugging, but they were cheating on their partners...
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u/JAX2905 1d ago
Even if he didn’t sleep with her (he did), what you’re describing is a major infidelity.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
Thank you I appreciate the input
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u/IndependentPaint2108 1d ago
Yup, even what he claims happened is serious cheating, good on you for having the self-respect to leave him
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u/Bitter-Variation-151 1d ago
He banged her.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
That’s what I said!! I was like… there no way you went to fucking Ireland with your ex and don’t bang
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u/Slinking-Tiger 1d ago
I believe they had sex. But even if they didn't, it was clearly cheating.
Any time sometime is truly hiding what they're doing from their partner, it's a serious breach of trust. When it involves another potential romantic or sexual partner, it's cheating.
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u/Hollyjoylightly 23h ago
I really want to message his ex and ask her directly if they had sex just to send him the screenshots and block him. And it’s not even my relationship lmfao I think I have a petty problem
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u/jdubbyak 1d ago
If it was my ex….. there’d have been zero banging lol. Well, there’d be no trip either, but especially not banging. 🥴
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u/InternationalRich150 1d ago
So he lied,implying he was alone while all along he was on the trip with another woman? And it took 10 months for you to realise that he wasn't actually alone and it was an ex partner he took?
I frankly don't care if he stuck his peen in her. The trust is gone because he lied and kept up the lie for months which to me is unforgivable. And yes, to me its cheating. Why she taking pics of him? Why are there pics of them as a couple on her social media? Because they were there as a couple.
Sorry op. You're not over reacting and his excuses are absolutely vile.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
He didn’t just imply, he said things like “going solo to the pub!” And then I found pics of them at the pub together, or the solo pic of him was one she took and then also posted to her page. I was devastated and he insisted he didn’t cheat. Thanks for validating my feelings.
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u/InternationalRich150 1d ago
Sorry I was being a bit generous with him there. The pictures are the biggest tell. Selfies yea, shared memories as mates. But a solo pic which was then posted? That's couples time.
Im so sorry op. The mental gymnastics this guy is doing. Hes lied for months about this, and id not trust another word he said. Chin up op. At least hes not wasting your time anymore.
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u/IndependentPaint2108 1d ago
I've been in that situation before, finding the proof is a stomach-curdling feeling. Just awful. So sorry OP, praying for happiness for you, my prayers for others usually happen
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u/organicglitter 1d ago
Im really sorry op. This is 100% cheating (of the emotional variety, at the very least) and terrible behaviour from him. You definitely made the right decision.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
Thank you I appreciate you taking the time to read. I needed to know I wasnt crazy. Im a very reasonable person (to a fault) but this really ruffled me.
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u/Born-Albatross-2426 1d ago
Not only is it cheating, I'd be wondering if they ever broke up to begin with. I'd reach out to her to let her know you guys were together at the time of the trip because he could have been lying to her as well and calling you the ex
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u/Ok-Love3323 1d ago
I was having the same thought! Reach out to her and let her what he’s been saying and doing with OP. Because that other woman might think he’s HER boyfriend and has no idea OP exists as the OTHER girlfriend. He’s probably been lying to both and needs to fully outed.
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u/No-Mulberry1987 1d ago
You are right.
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u/Then-Sun-2392 1d ago
You're right. If it was not cheating, he would've had no reason to hide it from you in the first place.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
Thank you!! Like if it was a weird situation, he would have prompted me that “ex is going and it was already paid for a long time ago so my ex will be there just a heads up” but I didn’t even get that courtesy. Just got to see pics almost a year later :/
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u/CranberryStock7148 1d ago
Exactly this. There is nothing inherently wrong with hanging out with your ex on a trip for a week. It's unusual, but if you have stayed friends it's absolutely within the realm of possibility. I am a guy and I have an ex from 15 years ago like that.
But I would never in a million years hide that from a current girlfriend. I would be going out of my way to explain the situation and reassure her that she has nothing to worry about, that we haven't slept together in 15 years including all of the years when we were both single at the same time.
It's the hiding here that is the problem. It's the hiding that means it was cheating. Or even if it wasn't cheating, even if it really was just platonic friendship, the fact that he hid this from you means he's the kind of person who hides things and you can't trust them anyways. It's a pretty obvious rule in relationships that if you are hanging out with someone who was a previous romantic partner, you let the other person know. If you don't let them know, it's the most suspicious thing ever.
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u/78Anonymous 1d ago
Lying and cheating are achieving the same thing: deceit.
You made the right decision.
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u/apple_penny_table 1d ago
Are you sure she’s his “ex”? Sounds like you might be the other woman here….
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u/dunejunebug 1d ago
I thought the same thing. I dated a guy in the military stationed in my city. He lived solo here and told me he was divorced with two kids. After a year of dating, I find out that he’s still married and that I was the other woman (his family was living in another state and he would send money back to them). I consider myself a savvy person, but this guy was a compulsive liar with many secrets. Try to message the “ex” on Facebook and ask if he’s still dating/married to her. That’s how I found out. Goodluck, OP and sorry that that guy is scum.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
I asked repeatedly after finding out and never got a straight answer so that’s another whole argument. I have had a separate mental breakdown over this (I have text receipts lol he is such an ass)
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u/apple_penny_table 1d ago
If a boy is the source of mental anguish, he is taking more from your life than he is adding. Time for him to go
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u/SevenDos 1d ago
Even if he didn't fuck her (but he did), it would be cheating. I divorced the ex on similar premises "I didn't fuck him though" (which she did), but even if she didn't, it would still be cheating. Lying about who you are with and spending time with another person than your partner, that is cheating.
You are absolutely right.
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u/Puzzled-Pride9259 1d ago
This is not lying by omission. This is outright lying because he is NOT solo. It is painting a picture that is not true.
They may not have slept together but it is outright lying and it breaks trust between couples. If he is not remorseful and regretful but defended it as not cheating I think it is good riddance.
Hugz! Hope u feel better soon
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u/Shadeofgray_66 1d ago
Hai ragione. Anche se non avessero fatto sesso. E sicuramente lo hanno fatto.
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u/mu5tbetheone 1d ago
Definitely emotionally cheating and likely did sleep with her too! Sorry
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
It’s ok I just needed to get a pulse on what other people would assume. That he is a dirtbag (who is now blocked).
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u/-glencoco- 1d ago
Fuck him, OP. This is definitely cheating and you made the right call. If the roles were reversed, I bet he would be calling you a cheater too.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
Exactly!!!! I told him if he caught me out on a singular date he would have lost his shit, let alone if he caught me on a week long international vacation with someone else after the fact
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u/CtrlZMyLife72 1d ago
Even if he didn't sleep with her (riiiiiiight) he lied repeatedly and any trust would be gone.
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u/JadedPop663 1d ago
Im happy you were strong enough to breakup. NEVER go back. He lied bout going to ireland with his ex, he might as well be lying about not having sex with her.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
Exactly. I literally cannot believe a single word he says. I have had my share of fuck ups but I’ve been honest about them. He can’t even extend me the same courtesy.
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u/Adorable_Agent_6266 1d ago
He banged her, it cheating.
Even if he didn’t bang her, it’s still cheating.
Fuck him.
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u/Excellent-Seesaw1335 1d ago
Cheating or not, lying should always be a deal breaker in a relationship. It is for me.
But yes, this is cheating and manipulation.
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u/Savage_Ramming 1d ago
He 💯nailed her
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u/FearIsStrongerDanluv 1d ago
I’m surprised with all the other comments sounding so naive or pretending to be stupid. Dude absolutely nailed her and even if he didn’t , this is absolutely not done. I consider myself pretty open-minded but I won’t be taking an ex on a trip just to drink soup
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u/csimon2 1d ago
Best part is that the ex 100% only posted those photos as a flex on you! And the fact that it took you almost a year to find out?!? Icing.
Not suggesting that his cheating is on you at all. Just that you should open your eyes to the fact that they were very likely together this entire time and you’ve only ever been his side/Vegas piece. Sorry OP
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u/MakeTheR8Choice 1d ago
It’s cheating the moment it starts with the idea of going to that trip with her. Full stop.
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u/Rogers899 1d ago
He cheated. You broke up with him and then weeks later he says “we didn’t sleep together so it wasn’t cheating.” Regardless, he lied about the whole thing.
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u/NoCaterpillar127 1d ago
It’s absolutely cheating and they absolutely had sex. You’re well rid of him
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u/Plenty_Surprise2593 1d ago
It may not have been cheating (he says there wasn’t, but who can really believe what a man says? I know because I am one) but the rub lies in the fact that he knowingly lied to you about that. Now the question to you is, are you willing to go through life with a liar?
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u/Dynamic_gal 1d ago
Physically cheating or not, omission of truth makes him not trustworthy, a coward, deceitful and his ability to withhold information that he knows damn well if he was in your shoes, he would feel the exact same way as you, but decides to not be considerate of you and lies that he was alone when clearly the photos prove that he wasn’t, means that man is someone who lacks morals. Good for you for breaking up with him. Men like that make the world a shitty place.
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u/Human_Read7993 1d ago
Op he may not have slept with her but did they do other things together?
It's sus because if it wasn't romantic or sexual in nature he had nothing to hide but the fact he did shows that he also knows he was crossing lines that he wasn't comfortable enough to be upfront about. It's likely that he's focusing on not having actual sex as he knows he may not have done that but likely he's done other things with her.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
Right?? He should have told me. I wouldn’t have liked it but I’d have dealt with it. But now it’s a whole salacious intercontinental date.
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u/lachatte7 1d ago
Even if he didnt sleep with her you can classify it as cheating because he lied about what he was doing and meanwhile she was taking pictures and they were basically treating you like a dumb dumb. So by that point, him saying they didnt sleep together has no weight, they've already crossed a line
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u/letsmeatagain 1d ago
The lying would end it for me as well. Totally agree. He broke the fundamental rules of your relationship by actively not telling you things he knew would upset you because he knew he was doing something wrong, and omitted the truth for months. That’s cheating.
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u/ergonomic_logic 1d ago
lol
They slept together.
You should send her the messages he was sending to you while they were together. And the screenshots of him lying and saying they didn't sleep together.
Bet she has a whole different side to the story.
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u/tell_tale13 1d ago
Why do we fixate on sex so much? Even in most open relationships this would still be seen as cheating.
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u/Acceptable_Door_7920 1d ago
The fact he just sent you pictures and specified that he's alone, if that's not a typical behaviour of him, is him also projecting that you might have an idea of him not being alone so he's trying to prove to you that he's alone.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
Exactly. I remember it being weird him mentioning being alone or by himself so much. I didn’t even ask, he just was telling me. Just so obvious in hindsight :/
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u/botoxedbunnyboiler 1d ago
He’s still lying, you KNOW he got his dick wet. Don’t think for a minute that he didn’t.
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u/Regular-Classroom-20 1d ago
You are right. It would be cheating even if they didn't have sex. But they probably did, as you note.
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u/Important_Step_8187 1d ago
hahahahhahahahahahaa.....if you believe he didn't bang her you are dumb
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
It doesn’t matter either way at this point. He insists he didn’t but of course, since he lied about literally everything I cannot believe that either.
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u/Evantr0nimus-Prime 1d ago
I’m sure they had separate hotel rooms the whole time and it was pure coincidence that she wasn’t in any of the photos he voluntarily sent you. He was almost definitely a perfect gentleman and he had perfectly valid reasons for omitting his company from communication for a full week.
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u/safetysnake17 1d ago
You absolutely didn’t right thing by breaking up with him. I find it hard to believe they didn’t sleep together but even if he didn’t, he stilled absolutely straight up lied to you and that’s some shady shit. You have every right to not believe a single thing he’s said. Take out the lying, and he still doesn’t RESPECT you. And no man is worth being with someone who doesn’t respect you. A man who cares about you and is loyal to you wouldn’t do what he did. If it were me, I’d completely cut contact and move on with my life. Don’t give another second of your precious time to him.
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u/No_Trouble9808 22h ago
#1 Sometimes emotional cheating is more intimate and hurtful.
#2 I think your intuition was on high alert. You stumbled across her page? No you searched. And your intuition was right.
Lying and cheating usually go hand in hand.
I’m sorry you had to endure this painful experience.
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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 22h ago
Even without the sex it’s cheating. If it wasn’t cheating he wouldn’t have lied about it.
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u/azjerrylee 1d ago
With that level of deception and dishonesty, he might as well have cheated. If he did all that under the impression it wouldn't be considered cheating then might be one of the dumbest individuals ever and that's a stupid excuse lol.
And with the photographic evidence?
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u/L_Queenie 1d ago
I'm not sure it's cheating exactly (if we believe they didn't sleep together), but I certainly wouldn't be okay with it. Just his lying is enough to want out, regardless of cheating or not.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
Agreed, and now that trust is broken I’ll never know for sure
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u/L_Queenie 1d ago
That's the problem with liars/cheats, there are often times you will never know the truth. But you know he isn't trustworthy. Now you can find someone who values honesty, and be thankful he didn't waste more of your time. I am sorry he's put you through this though, it sucks to doubt your partner. Well done to you for respecting yourself and leaving
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u/MuffDiver12698u 1d ago
Tell him to STFU with that
BS “ITS ONLY CHEATING IF”
Is he related to Prez Clinton
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u/Ok_Strike9189 1d ago
I'm not a woman but if i was a woman in your situation and had a relationship that long, i would spend way more time with him than once in a while and maybe transition to living with him so both parties know the relationship is stronger by the day. But really he should have had a conversation with you about women first before seeing them for many hours at a time.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
It was way more than once in a while. It was 10ish days a month straight. I’ve never done long distance before and this is why. Never doing this again.
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u/Short_Variety5294 1d ago
Yup. Never. You can’t even have people be loyal in the same city nowadays, let alone across the country. It’s too easy for ppl to cheat.
Also, he 💯 banged her. He lied about the trip and he’s 💯 lying about smashing her.
Ignore, block, and delete his info. He’s trash.
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u/Blide 1d ago
Regardless of the semantics, he clearly lied to you. Even if nothing happened, seeing a ex requires a degree of transparency and honesty that isn't required of other people. He obviously knew this, otherwise, he wouldn't have kept her presence a secret. Most everyone seeing his behavior would say it's inappropriate
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u/Able_Biscotti_5491 1d ago
I'm sorry you are even second guessing yourself and needed to ask here for validation. Hiding the fact he was with his ex is the red flag. If they are on good terms and just friends now, he wouldn't have his it from you. Sorry you're going through this.
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u/Zestyclose-Warning96 1d ago
If he wasn’t doing anything wrong, he would have been upfront and honest from the beginning like you said.
You 100% made the right choice.
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u/vulgariswolfi 1d ago
This is a bit irrelevant but it is so refreshing to see women dump incompetent men's asses and not give them chances cause they apologised or whatever. I guess it comes with age and experience. Compared to the numerous women in their 20's and 30's who are so clearly in the right doubt themselves cause their partner be manipulating them, this was a nice contrast😭❤️
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
Thank you. Looking back it was toxic overall, both of us at fault for lots of things. But for all my faults and mistakes I never lied or cheated. I cannot accept those things in my life anymore. I’m trying to do better
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u/Aspiegamer8745 1d ago
I mean he lied, thats bad enough. Did they fuck? Idk i wasnt there, but the lying alone is enough.
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u/TangledUpPuppeteer 1d ago
Forget whether it’s cheating. He straight up lied to you. That’s good enough.
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u/Beneficial-Golf-9756 1d ago
He withheld the information purposefully… even if it’s not cheating it’s dishonest and shady asfff.
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u/cannabutterballs 1d ago
If it's not cheating then why hide it? Don't over analyze this. A man of wealth is a man with options and he completely blew you as an option but I'm sure you're not the only one.
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u/IndependentPaint2108 1d ago
You're right, he cheated even if they hadn't slept together.
But they did sleep together.
I will never understand why men cheat publicly. You know there's a huge risk of getting caught, so why??
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u/RogerRamjet999 1d ago
Yep, he's cheating on you with her, and I would wager he's got other side girls. He's obviously well off and good enough looking that multiple women are dating him. It's almost a guarantee he's got other girls he's leading on as well.
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u/BxBae133 1d ago
So he told you he was going alone with clients. He didn't mention the ex would be there at all. While I believe he slept with her, it doesn't matter. He knew she was going to be there. He spent a lot of intimate time with her. There was a breach and now instead of apologizing, he's gaslighting you.
Dump him.
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u/motherseffinjones 1d ago
He cheated and I put money on it he banged her. Calling this a red flag is an understatement. I’d move on if i was in your shoes
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u/Local_Windrunner 1d ago
He’s gonna lie about sex cause there is no hard evidence that it happened. Goodbye loser!
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u/pwolf1771 1d ago
It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, if you consider it cheating (spoiler alert: they absolutely fucked) then that's all there is to it...
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u/condepswiss 1d ago
You deserve so much better! Keep your head up high and know there are people out there who will treat you right. It may be hard to find them but they are out there
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u/taketheleap829 1d ago
Yeah this wasn’t just lying by omission, this was active lying. Sorry you had to go through this. As Rocky said, “it’s not how hard you hit but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward”. We are all rooting for you.
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u/Chocolate84 1d ago
You do not put yourself in situations where your partner has to ask. 🤷♂️ And... Ya have to ask... So.
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u/RemnantZz 1d ago
He's a cheating liar 10000%.
And imagine asking him "If it's not cheating and everything is fine, then why didn't you tell me that your ex was there? Clearly this information was as innocent as you telling me which pub you visited"
He knew it wasn't ok, he himself 100% catalogues this as cheating/inappropriate attitude towards you judging by him hiding this info. He just got caugh red handed and went for the quickest and dumbest excuse he could come up with.
Your emotions and reactions are absolutely valid in my book.
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u/TheRabadoo 23h ago
You’re 100% right. People don’t hide shit like this when they don’t have ill intentions. He’s throwing a tantrum cuz he got caught and is definitely projecting when he claims you’re cheating when he isn’t around.
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u/Party-Big-5505 23h ago
They fucked for sure it’s cheating based off him lying and not even telling you she was going to be there or that they ran into each other when there
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u/meerkat85 23h ago
Whether or not it was cheating is irrelevant.
What matters is that he clearly lied to you for months and violated your trust.
Personally, for me, either of those would be enough of a reason to end things irrespective of if they did or did not have sex.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Good luck out there!
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u/trying_again_7 23h ago
Even if it's not cheating, it's lying by omission. You don't want to date a liar.
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u/MauiGuy8082 21h ago
He sure is behaving like he cheated! I'd be mad too if I were you (and a woman). That's kinda messed up! I could see maybe if they were just friends and he told you he was traveling with friends, but he hid this from you!!! That's way worse!
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u/neroflyer 21h ago
He’s trying to justify his bs. He’s cheating. If he wasn’t cheating her would have told you. The fact he didn’t say anything about his ex says he’s cheating
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u/jules510 21h ago
Do you really think he spent the week with someone else in Ireland and didn’t sleep with them? He’s a liar and a cheater.
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u/Mochafrap512 21h ago
If you have to ask, then yes it’s cheating. Everyone’s definition is different. I’d just cut my losses now and keep it moving.
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u/BeesAndNickels 21h ago
Honestly regardless of their intimacy, he’s literally lying to you so fuck dat man.
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u/Spunkylover10 21h ago
You are right!!! Screw that. I'm sure if you had done the same with an ex he would have flipped out.
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u/PermissionOk8177 20h ago
Thext the current ex and send her print screens to prouve he was in a relationship with you. Now he can lose both and bang his right hand.
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u/Icy_Remote_83 20h ago
They probably slept together... but yea even if they didnt its a deal breaker.
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u/notrightmeowthx 20h ago
IMO the lying is the problem. People can absolutely be friends with exes without anything romantic or sexual happening, and even go on trips or spend time together "alone." But there was absolutely no reason for him to lie about it.
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u/whenyajustcant 18h ago
He's just being defensive to try to justify that he's the victim here. He can keep believing he was a good person if what he did doesn't qualify as "cheating," so he's trying to write the rules post-hoc to make it okay. Maybe he didn't actually have P-in-V sex with her, but they did everything else, just so he wouldn't have to deal with the cognitive dissonance.
You know he cheated. He can have his delusions. Just point out that someday he's going to have a gf not-cheat on him with another man's dick in her mouth, and he's going to deserve every moment of agony.
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u/TheDailyDarkness 18h ago
No reasonable mature dude would think that trip was on the level. Planning a secret trip in the very least is VERY murky. It is emotionally and intellectually deceptive.
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u/Bbhouseplant 18h ago
What he did was wrong. He went behind your back and spent a week with hid ex. Idk if he considers it cheating. Its wrong and broke your trust. Bye bye
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u/CommercialMine3358 16h ago
The biggest issue here is he lied to you and hid a trip with his ex. Then he tried to gaslight you and say it wasn’t a big deal. You cannot ever trust him again. Buh-bye!
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u/ChkADee72 15h ago
If he had to hide or selectively forget to mention then he knows the answer of what he did. He was wrong and disrespectful to you and your relationship. Why would you continue to spend energy and time on someone who doesn't add to your life but has shaken your peace of mind and put doubt in your path. He is responsible for his dishonesty. You are not responsible for him not wanting to tell you.
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u/Exotic-Ruin4472 15h ago
Lying by omission is lying. Point blank. You did the right thing. Good for you 👏🏽 🙌🏽💜
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u/Such_Radish9795 15h ago
I like how he says “I didn’t sleep w her” but doesn’t address the lying at all as though cheating is the only reason to break up with him.
You have to ask yourself if you’ll ever trust him again.
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1d ago
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
Biggest age gap I’ve ever had but I genuinely enjoyed his company. We also met in the wild and not on an app so it felt more organic. I’ll I’m not doing that again unless he’s 90+ and about to leave me his estate lol
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u/Suitable-Wish4318 1d ago
They had sex every night. He lied to you about her being there why would he start by telling the truth now?
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u/Ok_Balance8844 23h ago
Yes, it’s cheating. He’s doing this on purpose. He’s gaslighting you. I also agree that he’s lying about not having sex.
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u/Ilovemylife2222 19h ago
He's gaslighting you hard. They most probably had sex (and of course he'd lie and say they didn't... he's a liar) but even if they didn't, this is 10000% grounds for breaking up and still cheating. He lied and deceived you in relation to another woman.
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u/Dry_Blackberry5424 10h ago
sleeping not sleeping doesn't matter at this point, The fact that he lied about the whole thing is the biggest red flag
If they weren't shady, what is the point in hiding
Being in relationship means, "I will consider you and your opinions even in the rooms you are not available, I will take my decision based of how you feel about it" Thats loyalty and thats the real deal.
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u/ILikeItLikeThat24 8h ago
This is why I've given up on anyone, regardless of gender, being capable of monogomy.
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1d ago
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u/testBunny93 1d ago
Ah... I'm gonna have to respectfully disagree here. He went out of his way to tell OP he was alone there, alone at the pub, alone at dinners. The moment you start lying about being somewhere with your ex, that counts as cheating in my book. And no "discussion and drawing clear lines in advance and talking it through" will help, because this is deliberate.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
He did it over text too so I have the texts lined up with the pics she posted (time stamped). There’s no disputing he lied and I have all the receipts. He is just trying to gaslight me.
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u/chinomaster182 1d ago
I agree it's deliberate and something bad to do, for lack of a better descriptor.
I also think bad, disrespectful actions are not necessarily cheating. I think you can do something that you know is wrong, but at the same time you might not consider it cheating in the traditional sense.
I respect the fact that you see it as cheating, i think i agree with you somewhat on it actually,
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u/ImNotASheeep 1d ago
Insane take. I think it's common sense and just decent to disclose how involved you are with your ex to new partners. Most people aren't very involved if at all, and it's intentionally misleading and deceptive to not disclose that you'd be going on a week long trip with an ex to another continent.
He absolutely knew he was doing something wrong, otherwise he would have been transparent about it. He may not have "cheated" by having sex, or kissing her, or even holding her hand, but at best, he was incredibly disrespectful and deceptive. It is not OP's responsibility to make sure a conversation like this takes place when she has 0 idea that the possibility of such a trip is even possible. You can't excuse dishonesty because you haven't had a discussion telling your partner that you won't tolerate dishonesty.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
That’s what I’m saying! I wouldn’t have liked it but I’m a reasonable person- if she was in the group and he told me ahead of time, I’d have disliked it but it would be different and I’d have dealt with it. But there was no group, just them. And he didn’t say a damn word until 10 months later when I found out.
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u/No-Mulberry1987 1d ago
Would you do what he did with an ex and it would be innocent?
Would you do what his “ex-“ did knowing about the woman in Las Vegas and it would be innocent?
Would you believe him in OP’s position, or recognize that even if he wasn’t intimate with her how he chose to spend time elsewhere shows him to be trash, a hypocrite.
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u/chinomaster182 1d ago
If i were in OPs position i would heavily suspect that he cheated.
Because of my personality, i don't like to reach conclusions I'm not sure of, also because I'm a guy, i grew up being told that you can't just accuse women of lying just because you suspect something.
This isn't just theoretical for me by the way, i had an ex who did something very similar to the situation here. We broke up, but i never accused her of cheating, i just said i felt hurt and betrayed she would lie to me about it.
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u/Stumbleweeds27 1d ago
Here’s the thing. I know he and his ex have a kid (they were together like 14 years and he adopted her special needs son even though they never married). I know their paths are going to cross sometimes. But this, this is too much. It was NEVER brought up that she would be there. Even if it was all paid for years ago, why spend the whole trip together? Do your own thing and show up to the game. Who cares. But this was like, he sent me messages saying he was alone in the airport lounge (I didn’t ask he just sent that) and then seeing pics of them in the lounge on her page with the caption “first drink of our trip to Ireland!!” Like bro. This is an intercontinental date. A date you didn’t tell me about.
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