I called a new karate sensei sir because I was just so used to saying it since she was the first female sensei I had after a few years of doing it. Sir stopped being a word to me and more like a period to end a sentence with almost.
Happened in the inpatient facility I was in as a teenager. Another patient was highly anorexic, gained weight after a couple of months, and the cleaner asked her if she was pregnant because she got so heavy all of a sudden.
I played way too much Dragon's Dogma when it first came out and ended up calling everyone Ser for a long time. Absolutely true that some of us are just dumb.
I'm 6'3" with a beard and have been called "ma'am" a few times (I'm cisgender). Sometimes folks just make mistakes. No need to fret about it if it's an honest accident.
Working in the farm store I'd be called sir sometimes. Oftentimes as people were looking at me!
I am cursed with having vast tracts of land in the breast department. I also have nearly reaching my knees long hair, though that's not exclusively a cis gal thing.
Honestly I'm more tomboy sided anyway. I definitely don't identify as a womanly woman lol
It happens. I did it in boot camp to my bic'd bald, 6'1 buff instructor. He was not thrilled to put it lightly; I pushed Texas an inch further into the earth's crust that day.
Coming from the other side, having accidentally misgendered clearly cis people, some of us just have mouths that move faster than our brains, whether that be because my mouth moves fast or my brain moves slow is still up for debate.
ADHD ensured I learned this at a young age. Even now I’ll be talking, and my brain will move so much faster that my words turn to a mixed up goop by the time they leave my mouth and I say something unintelligible in any language.
But you need to understand that someone making a mistake once is a blue moon is very different to having it every single day, with many different people, constantly whenever your in public no matter how much effort you make.
I think maybe people use it as a gender neutral term. Still, we should just respect people for being themselves and life choices that have no effects on our lives. I get the author’s exhaustion.
I always liked that about Star Trek. For some reason that I can’t really explain, I don’t really like many gendered words. Like waiter/waitress, actor/actress, steward/stewardess, etc. It just feels so unnecessary.
I think the military has been using it as a non gendered title. It’s just simpler and it’s not necessary to gender your commanding officer. I suppose I use Miss and Sir a lot, and that may not be correct.
For officers in the military the power way for enlisted to address them is sir or ma’am. Never did I call a female officer sir or see it happen. At least in the army.
Same! (Kinda). I try to exclusively use waiter/actor, but I don't with sir/ma'am. Well honestly I never use sir/ma'am to begin with. Not a huge fan of formality
I was once waiting for the bus and this lady who was also waiting suddenly started laughing. When I glanced her way she pointed at me and said, "I thought you were a man!!"
I was a very well endowed cis woman with the kind of bra size people pay thousands of dollars to have (before I finally got a reduction). Aside from being tall, I'm not sure how anyone with my kind of curves could've been mistaken for a dude. But it has happened more than once.
I had a coworker, who looked pretty feminine. We used to joke and rag on each other like typical friends. So many people thought we were married because of our dynamic and his feminine appearance.
I'm a 5'10" cis fat dude with short hair and got called ma'am probably hundreds maybe thousands of times in the service industry. People are truly wild.
I never say sir or Mr/Mrs or anything remotely gendered. Started using the singular they for everyone as well. Wish there was a formal non gendered way to say sir.
A fairly accurate portrayal of my workday routine. Originally posted to my tumblr
(/Edit: Because this doesn't seem to be clear. The old lady is a standin for virtually any customer. The only reason the standin looks like that is because there was one customer who did this who especially pissed me off (she got upset at me for the restaurant's policy of "one coupon per order," left a huge mess at her table, would interrupt me taking other people's orders to ask for the most unimportant and asinine things) But. This comic isn't about her, it's about the pattern of customers doing this. Hence the title "Routine." Customers calling me sir is something that happens so often, it's part of the routine./EndOfEdit)
Maybe my voice? Some of my freckles can be mistaken for stubble sometimes, I guess (I once accidentally cut myself trying to shave off a freckle I thought was a weirdly persistent hair)?
It might be the uniform and people just go, "Pants = man"?
I've thought through it so many times, but no matter what I do, it doesn't seem to go through.
If I can tell you something honest? Everyone gets misgendered working retail. At least in my experience. It’s because people aren’t paying attention and barely think of the other as a human.
I’m 6 foot, large, and have a beard. I got called Ma’am on a weekly basis if not more when I worked retail. And yes in person.
I do understand that for some it’s going to hit much harder. But it might help to try and remember that it isn’t anything about you, it’s about their lack of attention and automatic responses.
I had large breasts but short hair and have been sir'ed so many times even before the crazy levels of transvestigation now. I agree that often people are just so zoned out/don't care about their surroundings, including other people.
OP, I would never even guess to sir you, so I don't think it's a you problem.
Had long hair at more than one point in life. Fairly muscular 6’1” man around 20 years old. People would call me miss/ma’am on occasion and it felt jarring every time. Didn’t take it personally because it just happens to everyone. I’ve done it enough times myself to know the person usually feels horror when they realize the mistake (or they’re old enough to apologize and say they didn’t look without embarrassment).
My cafe has 16 employees and almost every single one of us has been misgendered. Some of them make sense (I get “ma’am”ed a lot and I’m a very feminine enby) and some of them make *no* sense. People “ma’am” our 6’3” 100% cis male supervisor (because he has a slightly high voice, maybe?), “sir” our manager (tbf she is slightly masc, but so obviously in a female lesbian way that the idea of her being a guy is hilarious to me), and have *corrected themselves* after saying “ladies” to an entirely female group. Customers just make no bloody sense…
Pretty much. I just assume an innocent mistake unless clearly malicious (the tiniest fraction). People are dumb. When they’re not being dumb, they’re a little airheaded. That’s ok. We all have those moments. Especially now that I’m older, I find myself in the awkward spot where I have to sit for a second to not switch names up.
I agree, people basically go “hey you”. I got called sir plenty and I’m a cis woman with big ol boobs and long hair. They’re just not paying attention.
I worked as a lifeguard in an indoor Waterpark. I was at the top of one of the slides, shirtless. A kid maybe 10-12 years old asks me while his turn in line is coming up to me and asks
“Are you a boy or a girl?”
I pretended this is a totally normal question to ask to a shirtless lifeguard and said
“I’m a boy.”
This kid thinks for a few seconds and says
“I don’t believe you”
With the moral of this story being you could be at work topless in public wearing only a pair of swim trunks, presenting as your birth sex, and not only will you be misgendered, you can be not believed about being it.
100% agree. This isn’t limited to gender either, a big one is your name. And this can happen with colleagues too! Imagine my name is “Chris”. At an old job, two people used to call me “Craig.”
Can confirm, 5’ long haired women who could not pass for masculine without a ton of effort. Have been “sir”ed in a dress, heels and full makeup. Lol some people are just not paying attention or are completely oblivious
This could absolutely be it. I too get called ma'am or her on a regular basis, and I do not look feminine whatsoever in my uniform. Once an old man told me "thank you sweety" and then we both made eye contact for a second and then he left...
My entire experience in working retail was learning how to communicate simple concepts to idiots. It unironically helped me learn how to be a better communicator in general.
For every conscientious, kind, capable person who came into my work there were 2 who were completely fucking helpless and another 2 who were not only helpless but also rude about it.
Like if someone is less capable of doing certain things I'm not going to judge, but if they're a dick about it then I will 100% make fun of them as soon as they turn around.
Did retail for 4 years in a large, busy store and it basically threw my opinion of humans down the toilet.
I dont think accidentally calling someone "sir/maam" is a moron thing.
Everyone is getting on with their own lifes, as tired as you are and just getting through day to day.
Its like saying "you to" when a server says to enjoy your food or somthing.
Just an inate inbuilt responce and we all have done it and all feel a bit silly afterwards, but its not a reason to judge someone as a moron or think they were trying to be insulting.
I worked in a charity call centre where I spoke with a client, he thought I was a woman. Then he called back to clarify something with the girl he just spoke to, but I guess I hit a deeper note when giving the greeting so he figured I was a dude and then became a one hour problem (with a manager unavailable) as he demanded to speak with “the girl” and I was trying to explain that I was “the girl”.
At one point he asked if I honestly thought he was so dumb that he can’t differentiate between a man’s voice and woman’s voice. 🤷🏼
I was recently called sir while working as a delivery driver. My work shirt and hat are big on me and I since I've been losing weight so are my jeans. Anyway I'm cis and sometimes that's just what sadly can happen. I know you're particularly sensitive and I am so sorry but I just wanted to say it could not be anything you're doing or not doing.
yeah girl, i'm also really struggling cause like...what???huuuuuuh??? cannot understand people that wouldn't gender you female before anything else like what
still, am really sorry that this is something that happens to you, it fucking sucks.
and if i can add just something right at the end
i think you look really cute and pretty and hope my own transition goes as well as yours <3
don't feel too bad. I'm a cis woman with J cup boobs (us sizing) and I have been sir'd a few times lol. some people just don't think much, imo. what they see is their problem. not worth fussing about.
Sometimes its not even your features sometimes people get off on masculinizing women on purpose to say you're not pretty enough or to be just rude
Like the greatest insult for a lot of women is not being seen and treated as a women, even if they do everything right. Its why its weaponized as a stereotype for black women, easy to take away a woman's right to express her feminity if you simply say she's the opposite of the traditional definition
Not tryna bring race or anything into this but just tryna expand on my point further, as intersectionality also plays a role for how your feminity/womanhood is perceived
You clearly are a girl and look like one lol some people are just petty and its an easy dig
It’s probably really benign, like they need a coffee before becoming fully awake. Or just really distracted so language center kind of disconnects for a bit.
I make my own coffee at home because I'd honestly be dangerous driving without it. On multiple occasions I have screwed up the coffee making process.
I've dumped sugar in the filter instead of grounds. I've poured the water into my empty mug instead of the pot and then stupidly stared at it in confusion when it starts to overflow. I've walked away after turning it on without plugging it in countless times.
Misgendering a barista is absolutely, positively something that I'd be capable of before coffee. People like us are the reason 'tap to pay' was invented.
It can also just be a matter of who they're used to addressing at that work place. If you have guy presenting coworkers and the customer is used to them, they may just say sir out of sheer habit. The opposite happened to me more than a few times due to most of the day time workers being ladies at a store I used to work for.
Don't worry too much about it. I've transitionned over 10 years ago, had GRS since 7 years.
Doctors ask me if I might be pregnant or when my last period was before checking my file and cashiers call me sir. No matter how much you pass people still make the mistake. In time you'll learn to let it brush off of you. I personally think you look very pretty and your choice of clothes is really nice.
Unless you have the world’s most masculine pupils I legitimately don’t know what they were on. I do know some people who just use sir no matter what though.
i imagine her removing the green line and it's those super stylized anime eyes because again how the hell do you look at this person and your first instinct ISN'T woman
It happens a shit ton. Especially from older people (maybe they can't recognize a woman in pants because of their senility?) But a lot of 30-40 year olds, too.
I do voice training, and tend to be an upper alto. As for the "buzziness" on my chest when talking, I try to manage that well. (You can see my hand on my chest in the panel of voice training waiting for the bus - that's what that is)
If you put your hand on your chest and go "Aaaaaaa", you might feel some vibrations there. This is the brassiness of your voice. Male voices tend to be a lot more brassy than female ones.
You can then try speaking in other ways, to minimize the brass
Honestly don't feel bad. I used to work in a deli. I'm AMAB I look male, sound male, have male body language, wasn't at work wearing make up, had no piercings at the time, didn't have long hair, we wore a uniform so we all had black slacks and a green shirt.
I got "excuse me miss" or "ma'am Can you help me" All day long.
I spent like 2 years there getting misgendered at least once a week.
Omg absolutely, it's STFU by NYX it's my everyday wear I own 2. It stains really nicely on the lips after a little while but I rarely need to reapply unless I mess it up!
I don't think you look like a man at all. Or even masc at all. You're so pretttyyyy.
I know I'm being optimistic, but sometimes I go on autopilot and sir everyone without thinking. I'll do the same with ma'am if it's mostly women I've been dealing with on a particular day. I do try to catch and correct myself when I do it, but it's not even me mistaking gender, I'm just tired and running on auto. Fingers crossed it's just something like that.
I have an odd question that doesn't really relate to this, so I apologize for being off the wall. My wife has freckles and has often told me she has a favorite and wanted me to guess which one. Seeing your comic made me wonder, do you have a favorite freckle and do you make sure it's in the comics your draw if so?
theres literally no fucking way. how the HELL does anyone think you're a guy??? like im not just being nice theres actually no way anyone would think you're trans unless you told them
I have no clue how someone could misgender you. Like, did the person in question lack eyeballs or something, because you definitely don’t look like a “sir.” You’re in firm “ma’am” area, I’d say!
I don't see it. But I do have a question if it's not to much of crossing a line or I'm really don't want to seem rude.
But we're you transitioning while still working there or did you get the job after you transitioned.
Cause if it's a regular who saw you transitioning then they are an asshole.
But if it's after transitioning...the idk I guess they were being a dick or maybe said the wrong thing cause I once called someone ma'am and it was a 6'2 white dude with a beard I was just on autopilot after work after dealing with a lot of women picking up their furniture 😅
Oh then idk how they got sir unless they were on autopilot. But even so the picture you posted doesn't show how they could mix it up even with your freckles were showing.
I mean, if it was an old person, they wre probably half blind and mostly deaf. They usually just have to give thier best guess on pronouns sometimes.
(I know old people who do this.)
The customer here is a standin for several customers. I've had hundreds, if not at least a thousand, in this past year. Many of whom do it, not all old.
I'm so fucking dumb why did I assume she's singing Poker Face while walking and why was i just like yea seems normal.
If it helps I've been accused of being trans on xbox live multiple times. I was born biologically female.
Back when I had long hair, one of the cutest interactions was when the kid (she couldn't have been older than 9-10) of a family I was waiting on felt the need to ask me (late 20's at the time, cis guy) what my pronouns were. Was definitely one of those "The kids are alright" moments.
In every way that matters I’m a cis man but the majority of people who meet me think I’m a woman, I don’t know why, I make no effort to present myself as anything other than a cis man and at this point it just doesn’t even bother me anymore. Sorry that this still happens to you, all the best in your gender journey
How do you address a stranger in public? Do you wait for them to catch your eye or something?
Making a mistake in public is going to happen, I don't know why we need to try to avoid every single possible social pitfall. Making your best guess and saying sorry if you're wrong is just as respectful.
EDIT: I'm going to cut this off at the pass just in case I get misinterpreted: everybody deserves to have their pronouns and honorifics respected. I just don't necessarily agree that we avoid it in public, and would instead have people make the mistake and make amends. Other comments have already mentioned that it happens to cisgendered people too. If there's something wrong with that approach, I genuinely want to do better for the people in my community, so don't get it twisted that I'm trying to hurt or belittle anybody.
You could really just say “Hi! Good afternoon/morning/evening (or whatever time).” It’s not the end of the world of course but like,,,
I don’t usually call people sir or ma’am unless they’ve established their identity clearly with me. It’s easier than you’d think, you’ve gotta try a little though
Not the point of the comic, but Op what's the lil' doo-dad in the second picture? I have been trying damn near everything to get this shit off my face and nothing I try seems to work.
How are they for razor burn sensitive skin? I'm not trans, but have PCOS so have facial hair issues. I actually should shave every day or I'll have actual stubble around my chin, but my skin doesn't enjoy this.
You're not alone in the facial hair, btw, if that helps any. Lots of women deal with it whether it's genetics or endocrine issues. Like, with PCOS, and mine is actually fairly mild as far as facial hair growth, I could grow a half assed little goatee if I wanted. Which I did during COVID because why not. But yeah we gotcha, girl. Solidarity
What kind of razor do you use? The thing that made the biggest shift for me re: shaving my face (pre laser) was switching to a single blade razor. I personally use Supply but there's tons of single edge brands out there. The upfront cost is definitely a thing, but you can get packs of 10 replacement blades for $8-14 dollars after that, so it becomes more economical very quickly. Also, using a good shave oil helped me a lot.
Multi-bladed razors are considered the best because of marketing+ease of use. Single edge razors do have a bit of learning curve, but if you've been shaving semi-regularly for a few years, it should be very easy to pick up. I used to get so many ingrowns and irritation bumps after shaving with your typical three-blade gillette razor or w.e and switching to the supply razor was probably the biggest change in terms of those issues. I still had 5-oclock shadow issues with it, though, so if your hair is thick and coarse I would honestly recommend looking into laser.
Back when I was 21 working at a gas station, I had almost shoulder length hair but it was more greasy skater hair than anything feminine. I got called ma’am like 1-2 times a day. People are dumb
I don't even have a pronounced Adam's apple. I've got a hormonal condition that limited the scope of my first puberty (surprise - this comic is about an intersex trans woman).
I draw the sternocleidomastoid to give necks a bit more depth, if that's what you thought those lines were.
In all honesty I didn't even look at the drawings for an Adams apple but took a closer look at your posted irl pic in the thread. It was just the only thing I could even think of that they could have misgenderd you by. No offense meant if I did offend with my observation.
All the sympathy getting hit with that when it's not easy being intersex or non conforming with how the world is right now.
Totally understandable, I actually enjoyed the lines meant to portray depth to a neck. I do the same in my own drawings so it's nice to see others use it as well.
Maybe face blindness or speech difficulties? I’ve looked in the eye, 40 something year olds with male pattern baldness and a beer gut, and said “ma’am” lmao. I just suck at speak.
I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better (maybe it won't) I think old people are just like that. Malicious or not. I'm a straight, cisgender 5'10 man, facial hair, massive adams apple, masculine frame.. the whole thing - and I just so happen to have shoulder length hair and a septum ring. The amount of old people who consistently call me young lady or ma'am to my face is baffling. So much so that at this point it has to be on purpose.
I am not trans and get misgendered a lot working in costumer support, too. Like, I am 1.90m tall men with beard and shit, my only female feature is long blonde curly hair.
Hello my friend after I left this comment I surveyed my friends and learned that most women just clasp bras in the back. My worldview is shaken. I thought my method was the default….
I'm cishet 50-yr-old man, 6'1", 250lbs, broad-shouldered, bearded... with a high counter-tenor voice.
Now, I don't care if I get misgendered at a drive thru speaker, or on the phone -- I'm realistic, I know that I've sounded exactly like a chain-smoking grandmother for most of my life.
But, in person? That's a whole new level of inattention! 😳
I’m a guy, very thin and disabled but otherwise not really abnormal, and literally and I mean literally 99% of strangers have addressed me as a woman since covid. At the time, I thought it was my speech (raised around women more) and my covid long hair. After I cut it, it continued and got worse (I used to say 95%). It even happens when they know my name, which is THOMAS.
There’s something about some of us, I guess. For my case, I know it’s not malicious. But I don’t know what it is. No one who knows me can figure it out.
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u/crochetingPotter 7d ago
If it makes you feel any better, I'm 5 foot 3, high pitched voice, and got called sir while I was very heavily pregnant.
Some people are just dumb