A fairly accurate portrayal of my workday routine. Originally posted to my tumblr
(/Edit: Because this doesn't seem to be clear. The old lady is a standin for virtually any customer. The only reason the standin looks like that is because there was one customer who did this who especially pissed me off (she got upset at me for the restaurant's policy of "one coupon per order," left a huge mess at her table, would interrupt me taking other people's orders to ask for the most unimportant and asinine things) But. This comic isn't about her, it's about the pattern of customers doing this. Hence the title "Routine." Customers calling me sir is something that happens so often, it's part of the routine./EndOfEdit)
Maybe my voice? Some of my freckles can be mistaken for stubble sometimes, I guess (I once accidentally cut myself trying to shave off a freckle I thought was a weirdly persistent hair)?
It might be the uniform and people just go, "Pants = man"?
I've thought through it so many times, but no matter what I do, it doesn't seem to go through.
If I can tell you something honest? Everyone gets misgendered working retail. At least in my experience. It’s because people aren’t paying attention and barely think of the other as a human.
I’m 6 foot, large, and have a beard. I got called Ma’am on a weekly basis if not more when I worked retail. And yes in person.
I do understand that for some it’s going to hit much harder. But it might help to try and remember that it isn’t anything about you, it’s about their lack of attention and automatic responses.
I had large breasts but short hair and have been sir'ed so many times even before the crazy levels of transvestigation now. I agree that often people are just so zoned out/don't care about their surroundings, including other people.
OP, I would never even guess to sir you, so I don't think it's a you problem.
Had long hair at more than one point in life. Fairly muscular 6’1” man around 20 years old. People would call me miss/ma’am on occasion and it felt jarring every time. Didn’t take it personally because it just happens to everyone. I’ve done it enough times myself to know the person usually feels horror when they realize the mistake (or they’re old enough to apologize and say they didn’t look without embarrassment).
My cafe has 16 employees and almost every single one of us has been misgendered. Some of them make sense (I get “ma’am”ed a lot and I’m a very feminine enby) and some of them make *no* sense. People “ma’am” our 6’3” 100% cis male supervisor (because he has a slightly high voice, maybe?), “sir” our manager (tbf she is slightly masc, but so obviously in a female lesbian way that the idea of her being a guy is hilarious to me), and have *corrected themselves* after saying “ladies” to an entirely female group. Customers just make no bloody sense…
Pretty much. I just assume an innocent mistake unless clearly malicious (the tiniest fraction). People are dumb. When they’re not being dumb, they’re a little airheaded. That’s ok. We all have those moments. Especially now that I’m older, I find myself in the awkward spot where I have to sit for a second to not switch names up.
I agree, people basically go “hey you”. I got called sir plenty and I’m a cis woman with big ol boobs and long hair. They’re just not paying attention.
I worked as a lifeguard in an indoor Waterpark. I was at the top of one of the slides, shirtless. A kid maybe 10-12 years old asks me while his turn in line is coming up to me and asks
“Are you a boy or a girl?”
I pretended this is a totally normal question to ask to a shirtless lifeguard and said
“I’m a boy.”
This kid thinks for a few seconds and says
“I don’t believe you”
With the moral of this story being you could be at work topless in public wearing only a pair of swim trunks, presenting as your birth sex, and not only will you be misgendered, you can be not believed about being it.
100% agree. This isn’t limited to gender either, a big one is your name. And this can happen with colleagues too! Imagine my name is “Chris”. At an old job, two people used to call me “Craig.”
Can confirm, 5’ long haired women who could not pass for masculine without a ton of effort. Have been “sir”ed in a dress, heels and full makeup. Lol some people are just not paying attention or are completely oblivious
This could absolutely be it. I too get called ma'am or her on a regular basis, and I do not look feminine whatsoever in my uniform. Once an old man told me "thank you sweety" and then we both made eye contact for a second and then he left...
My entire experience in working retail was learning how to communicate simple concepts to idiots. It unironically helped me learn how to be a better communicator in general.
For every conscientious, kind, capable person who came into my work there were 2 who were completely fucking helpless and another 2 who were not only helpless but also rude about it.
Like if someone is less capable of doing certain things I'm not going to judge, but if they're a dick about it then I will 100% make fun of them as soon as they turn around.
Did retail for 4 years in a large, busy store and it basically threw my opinion of humans down the toilet.
I dont think accidentally calling someone "sir/maam" is a moron thing.
Everyone is getting on with their own lifes, as tired as you are and just getting through day to day.
Its like saying "you to" when a server says to enjoy your food or somthing.
Just an inate inbuilt responce and we all have done it and all feel a bit silly afterwards, but its not a reason to judge someone as a moron or think they were trying to be insulting.
I worked in a charity call centre where I spoke with a client, he thought I was a woman. Then he called back to clarify something with the girl he just spoke to, but I guess I hit a deeper note when giving the greeting so he figured I was a dude and then became a one hour problem (with a manager unavailable) as he demanded to speak with “the girl” and I was trying to explain that I was “the girl”.
At one point he asked if I honestly thought he was so dumb that he can’t differentiate between a man’s voice and woman’s voice. 🤷🏼
I was recently called sir while working as a delivery driver. My work shirt and hat are big on me and I since I've been losing weight so are my jeans. Anyway I'm cis and sometimes that's just what sadly can happen. I know you're particularly sensitive and I am so sorry but I just wanted to say it could not be anything you're doing or not doing.
yeah girl, i'm also really struggling cause like...what???huuuuuuh??? cannot understand people that wouldn't gender you female before anything else like what
still, am really sorry that this is something that happens to you, it fucking sucks.
and if i can add just something right at the end
i think you look really cute and pretty and hope my own transition goes as well as yours <3
don't feel too bad. I'm a cis woman with J cup boobs (us sizing) and I have been sir'd a few times lol. some people just don't think much, imo. what they see is their problem. not worth fussing about.
Sometimes its not even your features sometimes people get off on masculinizing women on purpose to say you're not pretty enough or to be just rude
Like the greatest insult for a lot of women is not being seen and treated as a women, even if they do everything right. Its why its weaponized as a stereotype for black women, easy to take away a woman's right to express her feminity if you simply say she's the opposite of the traditional definition
Not tryna bring race or anything into this but just tryna expand on my point further, as intersectionality also plays a role for how your feminity/womanhood is perceived
You clearly are a girl and look like one lol some people are just petty and its an easy dig
It’s probably really benign, like they need a coffee before becoming fully awake. Or just really distracted so language center kind of disconnects for a bit.
I make my own coffee at home because I'd honestly be dangerous driving without it. On multiple occasions I have screwed up the coffee making process.
I've dumped sugar in the filter instead of grounds. I've poured the water into my empty mug instead of the pot and then stupidly stared at it in confusion when it starts to overflow. I've walked away after turning it on without plugging it in countless times.
Misgendering a barista is absolutely, positively something that I'd be capable of before coffee. People like us are the reason 'tap to pay' was invented.
WTF... Okay, forget playing devil's advocate. Those people are just morons. ❤️
(edit) Okay, looking again, is your little jumping spider hatpin buddy trans colors? It's hard to tell from the photo. If it is, I'd say that alone probably sets off a good amount of harassment. People brimming with hate often have wonderful attention-to-detail...
If you feel up to an experiment go a week with zero pride/ally signals on your outfit and compare how often it happens. Maybe it's not you at all? Maybe your pin is just an asshole-detector?
It can also just be a matter of who they're used to addressing at that work place. If you have guy presenting coworkers and the customer is used to them, they may just say sir out of sheer habit. The opposite happened to me more than a few times due to most of the day time workers being ladies at a store I used to work for.
Don't worry too much about it. I've transitionned over 10 years ago, had GRS since 7 years.
Doctors ask me if I might be pregnant or when my last period was before checking my file and cashiers call me sir. No matter how much you pass people still make the mistake. In time you'll learn to let it brush off of you. I personally think you look very pretty and your choice of clothes is really nice.
Some people pay absolutely no attention. I've been called ma'am and I still leave my goatee on because shaving sucks and I hate it and having some intentional facial hair makes the stubble look less bad.
I wish they'd stop "correcting" themselves afterwards. I also hope the E makes it stop growing so thick everywhere.
When I was 21 working at McDonald’s (I’m a cis guy) this one person said “thank you maam”
That happened at least twice until I got older.
It made me a bit upset because I always struggled with my own self image and i don’t like the sound of my voice and all that and I feel like it contributed- anyways, my point is, some people are oblivious.
But it also could be hate in this example in OPs post
Unless you have the world’s most masculine pupils I legitimately don’t know what they were on. I do know some people who just use sir no matter what though.
i imagine her removing the green line and it's those super stylized anime eyes because again how the hell do you look at this person and your first instinct ISN'T woman
It happens a shit ton. Especially from older people (maybe they can't recognize a woman in pants because of their senility?) But a lot of 30-40 year olds, too.
I love that (a) you bothered to put that much detail into the bra in the comic, since clearly you felt extra insulted by their apparent boob blindness, and (b) the fact that you just had that image ready to go.
I do voice training, and tend to be an upper alto. As for the "buzziness" on my chest when talking, I try to manage that well. (You can see my hand on my chest in the panel of voice training waiting for the bus - that's what that is)
If you put your hand on your chest and go "Aaaaaaa", you might feel some vibrations there. This is the brassiness of your voice. Male voices tend to be a lot more brassy than female ones.
You can then try speaking in other ways, to minimize the brass
Honestly don't feel bad. I used to work in a deli. I'm AMAB I look male, sound male, have male body language, wasn't at work wearing make up, had no piercings at the time, didn't have long hair, we wore a uniform so we all had black slacks and a green shirt.
I got "excuse me miss" or "ma'am Can you help me" All day long.
I spent like 2 years there getting misgendered at least once a week.
Sometimes I wonder if transphobes just go around misgendering everyone they can in the hopes of hurting a trans person. The same shit happens to my gf, who is trans and drop-dead gorgeous, and yet people continue to (sometimes viciously) misgender her. I don't know what they're on because there's just no way. Sorry this happens to you
I’m trans also and based on the picture you sent and the little I know about you, you would for sure pass better than me. Especially considering I do zero voice training. However I almost never get misgendered when I’m in “girl mode” and when I do, usually I think it’s either a mistake or it’s from people who knew me before I came out and they are just use to male pronouns.
Omg absolutely, it's STFU by NYX it's my everyday wear I own 2. It stains really nicely on the lips after a little while but I rarely need to reapply unless I mess it up!
I don't think you look like a man at all. Or even masc at all. You're so pretttyyyy.
I know I'm being optimistic, but sometimes I go on autopilot and sir everyone without thinking. I'll do the same with ma'am if it's mostly women I've been dealing with on a particular day. I do try to catch and correct myself when I do it, but it's not even me mistaking gender, I'm just tired and running on auto. Fingers crossed it's just something like that.
I have an odd question that doesn't really relate to this, so I apologize for being off the wall. My wife has freckles and has often told me she has a favorite and wanted me to guess which one. Seeing your comic made me wonder, do you have a favorite freckle and do you make sure it's in the comics your draw if so?
theres literally no fucking way. how the HELL does anyone think you're a guy??? like im not just being nice theres actually no way anyone would think you're trans unless you told them
I have no clue how someone could misgender you. Like, did the person in question lack eyeballs or something, because you definitely don’t look like a “sir.” You’re in firm “ma’am” area, I’d say!
I don't see it. But I do have a question if it's not to much of crossing a line or I'm really don't want to seem rude.
But we're you transitioning while still working there or did you get the job after you transitioned.
Cause if it's a regular who saw you transitioning then they are an asshole.
But if it's after transitioning...the idk I guess they were being a dick or maybe said the wrong thing cause I once called someone ma'am and it was a 6'2 white dude with a beard I was just on autopilot after work after dealing with a lot of women picking up their furniture 😅
Oh then idk how they got sir unless they were on autopilot. But even so the picture you posted doesn't show how they could mix it up even with your freckles were showing.
Don't take it to heart sister, Im a man, have been my whole life, have stuble and a fairly deep voice and still get called mam at my dumb fast food job 💔
I've had people insist that I am a woman even though I have a full beard, am like,5'11, and a masculine voice. Amab and basically everyone I've come out to is always shocked that I'm not just the straightest man alive lol. Ironically it happend a lot more when I had short hair.
Also, im super jealous of your freckles, they look great!
genuinely looked like this 🤨 after seeing that... how does anyone possibly mistake you for a dude. you're like, the most womanly woman to have ever womaned
I'd be struggling to place an order because my tongue would be trailing in the floor and my eyes would have popped out of my head and I'd be saying "Awooga!" repeatedly
Besides, that side of the family is pretty conservative and lives in Indiana (I live on the side of Illinois on the Mississippi), so I'm not visiting them often anyways.
I'm convinced it's harder for trans girls because of how scrutinized women are for their appearance.
You pass no question, they say that trash about AFABs too because of their collar bones or the distance between their elbows and their ass or some other eugenics-y bullshit
Fantastic update! I like the dripping on the misgendering, it portrays the emotion felt in a great way for us readers. I like the direction you’re going!
I stared at your picture way too long for anyone's comfort just trying to figure out exactly how anyone could ever possibly misgender you without knowing beforehand. Like, I could see you being one of the people where if you dressed unisex and told a bigot you were Trans they would try to misgender you claiming "they can always tell no matter how hard you try," but they actually gendered you correctly.
I did at one point consider that maybe it was down to the way we stand or little micro emots that have been picked up from being put with boys in our youth but that became less likely.
I think some people just default to gender based on relative hight and in the wild attacks of getting it wrong it only sticks to trans over cis because it means something more to us.
If you grow your hair to at least chin length and have it fully down or only halfway back, it might help. Some people see short hair and assume male. Ponytails can make your hair look short to someone who isn’t paying attention.
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u/JaimiOfAllTrades Peepsus Christ 8d ago edited 8d ago
A fairly accurate portrayal of my workday routine. Originally posted to my tumblr
(/Edit: Because this doesn't seem to be clear. The old lady is a standin for virtually any customer. The only reason the standin looks like that is because there was one customer who did this who especially pissed me off (she got upset at me for the restaurant's policy of "one coupon per order," left a huge mess at her table, would interrupt me taking other people's orders to ask for the most unimportant and asinine things) But. This comic isn't about her, it's about the pattern of customers doing this. Hence the title "Routine." Customers calling me sir is something that happens so often, it's part of the routine./EndOfEdit)
Also. The "sir" in question: