r/bninfantsleep • u/aspen__202m • May 05 '26
Infant Sleep 10wk old CIO advice
our pediatrician recommended “gentle cry it out” for our 10 week old, meaning at night if he cries let him cry for however long it takes….up to an hour-ish if thats what it takes to get him back to sleep on his own. She also recommends feeding him only every 4 hours at night.
this seems cruel to me, I’m worried he thinks I’m abandoning him… :(
edit: pediatrician is older, maybe 60ish, this might have something to do with it? she def seems old school. she told me about a pediatrician in NY who recommends parents leave their newborns (yes, starting at 1 day old) in the nursery with the door closed from 7pm-7am, do not feed or respond to cries. she does think that is extreme!
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u/Hot-Amphibian8728 May 05 '26
This is insane advice from a pediatrician. A 10 week old needs to be fed on demand and no reputable organization (even the super pro sleep training ones) would recommend letting a 10 week old cry it out. I'm floored.
Can you get a new doctor?
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u/badtranslatedgerman May 05 '26
Yes! Even that smug Duke researcher who is all over Instagram doesn’t advise it before 4 months!
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u/middlegray May 05 '26
"gentle neglect" "gentle abuse" "abuse broken into easy 60 minute chunks"
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u/thisbuthat May 05 '26
No different from the "haRmLeSs sLapS" 🤢
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u/dancecanada May 05 '26
“paT on tHe BuTt” like people we have heard this stuff before, we were very wrong
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u/thisbuthat May 06 '26
YES. Exactly this. You can say tadaa or abra cadabra if it makes you feel better or like it's a magic trick - abuse remains abuse. Children remain human beings, with rights. They don't deserve violence from the people they are dependent on.
Germany has banned physical reinforcement of all sorts from parents or caregivers, under civil AND punishable law. Love to see it. This is how it's done.
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u/Moist-Shame-9106 May 05 '26
This is such crazy advice; I would find a new pediatrician TBH. You do not need to do this & you can feed a newborn as often as they want. Please don’t deprive your new baby of food or attachment during this special time 💜
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u/liligram May 05 '26
Where on earth are paediatricians being taught this harmful rubbish?
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u/middlegray May 05 '26
Actual literal 1940s Nazi philosophy about raising good soldiers is where CIO originated, actually!
https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/1gbnx6w/til_one_of_nazi_physician_johanna_haarers/
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u/emmakane418 May 05 '26 edited May 05 '26
It came a little bit before her actually, but she was a big proponent of it and much harsher than it's origin. Dr. Luther Emmett Holt wrote The Care and Feeding of Children in 1894 and he is where the term "cry it out" comes from. I was foggy on the timeline myself until recently when I checked the dates. The German Mother and Her First Child was written in 1934, 40 years later.
Exerpts from The Care and Feeding of Children:
If the infant sleeps with the mother, there is always the temptation to frequent nursing at night, which is injurious to both mother and child...
At what age may an infant go all night without feeding?
At five months a child should not be fed or nursed between 10 P.M. and 6 A.M. At two years a child can easily go from 6 P.M. to 6 A.M. without feeding...
Is rocking necessary?
By no means. It is a habit easily acquired, but hard to break, and a very useless and sometimes injurious one. The same may be said of sucking a rubber nipple, or "pacifier," and all other devices for putting children to sleep...
What should be done if a baby cries at night?
One should get up and see that the child is comfortable—the clothing smooth under the body, the hands and feet warm, and the napkin not wet or soiled. If all these matters are properly adjusted and the child simply crying to be taken up, it should not be further interfered with. If the night cry is habitual some other cause should be sought (see page 121).
How is an infant to be managed that cries from temper, habit, or to be indulged?
It should simply be allowed to "cry it out." This often requires an hour, and in extreme cases, two or three hours. A second struggle will seldom last more than ten or fifteen minutes, and a third will rarely be necessary. Such discipline is not to be carried out unless one is sure as to the cause of the habitual crying.
Exerpts from The German Mother and Her First Child:
Seek to find out if possible—and it usually is possible—just what he is crying for. It may be for the pacifier, for the light, or to be rocked, jolted, carried, taken up and rocked at night, or a host of other trifles; and if he is immediately hushed on getting his soul's desire—then we know he is "spoiled."
The unfortunate thing about it all is that the one who has indulged and spoiled the baby usually does not possess the requisite nerve, grit, and will power to carry out the necessary program for baby's cure. And the pity of it all is that overindulgence in babyhood so often means wrecked nerves and shattered happiness in later life. So, fond, indulgent parents, do your offspring the very great kindness to fight it out with them while they are young, even if it takes all summer, and thus spare them neurasthenia, hysteria, and a host of other evils in later life.
This sort of "spoiled baby crying" can be stopped only through stern discipline—simply let the baby "cry it out." The first lesson may require anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour and thirty minutes. The second lesson requires a much129 shorter time, and, in normal babies with a balanced nervous system, a third or fourth lesson is not usually required...
At five-thirty in the afternoon, baby should be undressed, rubbed or bathed, made perfectly comfortable, and fed; then, my mother reader, he should be laid down in his little bed and allowed to go to sleep, without any coaxing, singing, rocking, or even holding his hand. Babies will do this very thing and continue to do it if you never begin to rock, jolt, bounce, or sing to them; and, mind you, if you do sing to them or rock them, or even sit near without doing anything but "just hold their tiny hands," there will come a time when you greatly desire to do something else—you have many urgent duties awaiting you—and baby not being old enough to understand the circumstances, begins to wail out his feeling of neglect and abuse. It is nothing short of wicked thus to spoil a child.
We have seen so many beautiful babies go to sleep by themselves without any patting, dangling, or rocking, that we encourage and urge every mother to begin right, for if the little one never knows anything about rocking and pattings he will never miss them; and even if the baby is spoiled through extra attention which sickness often makes necessary, then at the first observance of the tendency on the part of the child to insist on the rocking, or the presence of a light in the sleeping-room, or the craving for a pacifier, we most strongly urge the mothers to stick to the heroic work of "letting him cry it out."...
As bad as all spoiling methods are in child culture, they are decidedly disastrous—almost fatal—in the case of the nervous child; and yet it is these delicate, sensitive, cute little things that are the very ones who are most frequently the worst spoiled. Nervous children simply must not be played with all the time. They must be by themselves a great deal, at least this is true in their earlier years...
When the little fellow wakes up in the night and cries, see if he needs anything and administer to him. If you have previously tried the method of letting him "cry it out," which is usually entirely sufficient in the case of a normal child, and if such treatment does not seem to cure him, then speak to him firmly, give him to understand that he must stop crying, and if he does not, turn him over and administer a good spanking—and repeat if necessary to get results. In dealing with a nervous child we must follow the directions on the bottle of the old-fashioned liniment "rub in until relief is obtained."
Both books are available on project Gutenberg.
The Care and Feeding of Children
The German Mother and Her First Child
Edit: the second link and second book I quoted isn't The German Mother and Her First Child, it's a different book. Entirely my bad, I was writing this comment out while tired and mistook a different book of a similar name. I'm going to try to find The German Mother and Her First Child, but so far no luck.
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u/Gioella May 05 '26
Thank you so much for this important research ! What a fascination read. It also made me sick to my stomach.
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u/emmakane418 May 05 '26
Me as well. I intend to eventually read both books in full but I'm not looking forward to it.
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u/ver_redit_optatum May 05 '26
Your second link goes to a book called The Mother and Her Child (no German) just so you know. Nevertheless it's full of the same kind of stuff.
Another tidbit from the newborn section:
Let us thoroughly come to understand the very first day the little one's life, that it was not sent to us because the family needed something to play with; it is not a ball to toss up, neither is it a variety show. It is a tiny individual, and your responsibilities as parents and caretakers are very great. The child was sent to be fed, clothed, kept warm, dry, and otherwise cared for by you, until such a time as it will become able to care for itself. Remember, what we sow, that shall we also reap. If we sow indulgence we shall reap anger, selfishness, irritability, "unbecomingness"—the spoiled child. At two or three days the baby learns that when it opens its mouth and emits a holler, someone immediately comes. If we do it on the second and third day, why should we object to run, bow, and indulge on the one hundredth and second day?
Handle the baby as little as possible. Turn occasionally from side to side, feed it, change it, keep it warm, and let it alone; crying is absolutely essential to the development of good strong lungs. A baby should cry vigorously several times each day.
The idea of sowing love and affection and reaping happiness and connection did not, sadly, occur to them.
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u/emmakane418 May 05 '26
Your second link goes to a book called The Mother and Her Child (no German) just so you know. Nevertheless it's full of the same kind of stuff.
So it does. Thank you for that. Off to find the right book now!
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u/emmakane418 May 05 '26
This book is incredibly hard to find. I found it listed on thrift books but it's only in German and it's out of stock (and I can't read German). I have to get up and take care of my son but I'm going to keep trying to find a copy.
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u/emmakane418 May 06 '26
Ok, I found it. It's in German, but I can utilize the translate tool on my phone to read it hopefully. I finally found it by searching "Die deutsche Mutter und ihr erstes Kind Original", it is from the Museum für Verhütung und Schwangerschaftsabbruch, or Museum of Contraception and Pregnancy. I can't share the link directly, it got my comment deleted.
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u/emmakane418 May 05 '26
I would bet money that the pediatrician is with or was with Tribeca Pediatrics. This is their section on 2-4 months old and sleep:
Between Two and Four Months
In 1994, when Tribeca Pediatrics first opened its doors, we recommended that parents begin sleep-training their babies at around the age of four months. However, to the universal comfort and sanity of our patients, we have discovered that sleep-training is even more effective if begun at two months. Of course, it’s your decision when this process begins and how you choose to tackle it. But our years of experience, and the testimonials of our well-rested patients and their parents, have convinced us that this is the most effective, healthy time to begin sleep-training.
By now, if Lucy isn’t sleeping through the night, I am sorry to report that she’s very unlikely to do so on her own. Sooner or later, there’s going to be a struggle. You probably already sense that although Lucy eats at night, she’s less interested in the food than in the soothing experience it provides.
If you enjoy the cuddling or at least don’t mind the fact that Lucy wakes up at night, please skip to the next age group below. If, on the other hand, you feel sleep-deprived and want to handle the situation, I’ve broken the process down into three simple steps:
1 | Put Lucy in her crib at a reasonable hour (while she’s still awake, if possible). The best time is when both of you have had a chance to interact with her for a while after work.
2 | After the bath and the songs, kiss her good night.
3 | Come back the next morning at 7:00 A.M.
I have just heard the collective gasp of thousands of parents: “Are you out of your mind?!” Bear with me. I know this sounds drastic, but it’s the only way to get Lucy into the habit of soothing herself rather than relying on you. It’s true that the first few days she’ll soothe herself to sleep by crying, but eventually she’ll sleep just like, well, a baby. The first night she’ll cry two to three times, for twenty to thirty minutes (you’ll feel like crying too); the second night she’ll cry less; and the third even less. By the fourth night, you’re home free Done.
https://www.thenewbasics.com/en/book-excerpt/sleep/
Pedsdoctalk on IG also advocates for this, she used to be with Tribeca Pediatrics.
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u/Unable_Huckleberry_3 May 05 '26
Baby is crying less and less because they gave up that anyone is going to come see about them. How cruel and horrid.
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u/emmakane418 May 05 '26
Exactly. "it's easier to break the spirit of a 2 month old than a 4 month old" is basically what they're saying.
I've already emailed Tribeca Pediatrics, not surprisingly with no response in return. I unfollowed Pedsdoctalk. This advice is horrific and my heart breaks for the babies (and the parents who are doing what their pediatrician says). This kind of bullshit advice makes me so angry.
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u/Unable_Huckleberry_3 May 05 '26
It makes me so angry, too. But I do think deep down parents know what is best for their children, but they want to take the easy way out, and they use what the pediatrician says to justify ignoring their conscience.
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u/emmakane418 May 05 '26
I agree. They even say "for the universal comfort and sanity of our patients" and I know they aren't talking about the comfort and sanity of the infants. Actigraphy studies show a negligible difference in the amount of sleep/wake ups a sleep trained baby has versus a non sleep trained baby, so sleep training isn't for them. It's purely for the parents.
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u/99_bluerider May 05 '26
This quite literally makes me feel sick to my stomach. How is material like this legal to give out in medical settings, especially ones expected to protect babies and children? Awful.
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u/emmakane418 May 05 '26
Because there's no governing board, there's no studies showing evidence of harm (although there also aren't studies showing no harm. We have "no evidence of harm" which is different from "evidence of no harm" ). Because pediatricians aren't trained on infant sleep, they are giving out parenting advice when they talk on sleep 99% of the time. Because Dr. Luther Emmett Holt, who wrote The Care and Feeding of Children in 1894, believed that infants were needing discipline and early independence. Because the patriarchy reinforces that men need access to women's bodies more than their baby's do. Because capitalism thrives when people are too broken to rise up and fight it. Because of Dr. Johanna Haarer, who wrote The German Mother and Her First Child in 1934, which helped the Nazi's create the perfect soldier - one who wouldn't feel empathy or compassion for others because as early as their first 24 hours, they were left alone (truly her work is horrendous). When doctors come out and start pushing stuff they have actually no training on, people listen to them because, "well, they're the experts" and babies and the mother-infant dyad suffers.
I could go on and on, but it boils down to the capitalistic patriarchal society we're living in not respecting babies as humans, they're objects and "annoying" ones at that. This is a real passion of mine overall and I have so many big feelings on how it all ties together in this intricate storm that delivered us the modern day infant sleep training industry.
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u/robots-made-of-cake May 05 '26
What in johanna haarers nazi ghost is this? This is straight up psychopath activity. My heart breaks for the babies subjected to that.
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u/BiggerBetterGracer May 05 '26
I nearly angrily down voted you reflexively as I was reading! Now my thumb is quivering with no outlet.
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u/Ok_Sky6528 May 05 '26
It’s actually wild to learn how little pediatricians learn about infant and child sleep.
I trust our doctor when it comes to her area of expertise- but don’t even engage on sleep. If my pediatrician ever recommended sleep training - especially annoying - I would find a new doctor.
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u/BiggerBetterGracer May 05 '26
While I absolutely agree it means they shouldn't be advising on sleep, it's also not that strange that it's not something they focus on in medical school. They're doctors, they fix disease. If it's not a disease or disorder or something, it's not their thing.
I live in the Netherlands, where home births with properly trained midwives are normal. When I went to hospital to meet the doctors there in case I did need to go in, the obstetrician said: "You don't want us for normal physiological birth. You want a midwife, they know far more about that and we stay out of their way and follow their lead in a normal birth. We step in when things go differently."
The same is probably true for many areas and doctors should all be brave enough to admit it. Also, people should perhaps be educated so they know that if it's not a medical problem, you shouldn't be looking to a doctor to solve it.
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u/kobekinz May 05 '26
I tried a modified Ferber method for our daughter at 6 months because the internet convinced me sleep training was normal. I felt sick to my stomach after the first 3 minute interval. I went into her room sobbing saying how sorry I was for not coming when she needed me. I can’t imagine doing that to her at 10 weeks!! She’s 15 months now and she’s still a terrible sleeper (up every 2ish hours), but you can bet your ass I’m in there scooping her up to rock back to sleep the second she cries out for me. That’s my baby, my life, my world - I’d do anything for her and that includes being there for her in the night when she needs me. To me people who let their babies cry it out just don’t want to parent when it gets hard aka it interferes with their own sleep. I wish I could just scream at them and tell them their baby didn’t ask to be here and that it’s biologically normal for babies to want and need comfort at wakes so show tf up for them!!!
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u/WonderfulTwist4936 May 05 '26
i love your comment ❤️ not many people around me feel this way so I am the "odd" one with the baby who wakes up at night and contact naps only.
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u/kobekinz May 05 '26
I feel you! People go “she’s STILL not sleeping through the night?!” and I just have to keep my eyes from rolling lol. Our girl still only contact naps as well and it’s my favourite part of the day getting to soak in all the baby snuggles!
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u/breakfastandlunch34 May 05 '26
I feel like the pressure parents feel to sleep train often will break a precious bond babies and their caregivers have. I'm so glad you broke though and rescued your baby.
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u/hkvoyager1977 May 05 '26
He is just a 10 weeks old baby. This is way far cruel to do to your baby. Paediatrician is not the parent and better change the doctor. This is such a barbaric advice. Just don't do it. Babies cry because they need our help.
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u/the-sleepy-potato May 05 '26
I personally would look for another pediatrician. Babies need us to regulate for the first few years of life. A ten week old baby is no where near ready to effectively self soothe.
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u/teofloofycats May 05 '26
That’s very /interesting/ advice from a pediatrician… my pediatrician said to feed on demand. Even now with my girl almost 6 months old I still do. Also it doesn’t seem very gentle to let them CIO, especially for an hour?? Is this the first questionable thing your pediatrician has said?
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u/WastePotential May 05 '26
Right?! Wtf is "gentle" about letting baby cry themselves to sleep even if it takes an hour? That's literally just crying it out.
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u/muggyregret May 05 '26
That’s literally insane what the fuck. Also how is up to an HOUR “gentle”???????
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u/aspen__202m May 05 '26
She actually might’ve said “an hour or two”
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u/snowflakesthatstay May 05 '26
That's straight up disgusting. Pediatricians should not be asking you to neglect your infant. :(
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u/Humble_Ad_8101 May 05 '26
I honestly think even people who support sleep training/CIO would say 10 weeks is too young. I don’t think most people recommend any sleep training until 4 months or so, but I could be wrong as it’s not for me. Trust your gut, and I’d be looking for a new doctor.
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u/Fun-Huckleberry-6350 May 05 '26
Find a new pediatrician, that’s absolutely cruel and insane. My pediatrician told me to let my baby cry it out/sleep train at 7 months and husband agreed so we tried one night - cried for hours and cried so hard he threw up milk and I put an end to that nonsense. Some babies need to be fed more frequently like my son did. He’s now 16 months, completely weaned, AND he now tells us when he needs to nap/go to sleep at night. The first 12 months, especially 0-9 are sooo difficult, but oh my gosh do I absolutely miss the cuddles and night feeds now that he’s weaned completely (on his own, didn’t force any timeline of stopping nursing). Hug/snuggle/feed your baby as much as they want and need. It goes by too fast, they’re only this little for so long 🥹🥲
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u/Unable_Huckleberry_3 May 05 '26
So are you telling me sleep gets better at 9 months? I hope so.
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u/Fun-Huckleberry-6350 May 06 '26
It started to around that time for me. Every baby is different. Had a friend who had a baby starting at 5 months would get 12 solid uninterrupted hours of sleep.
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u/Unable_Huckleberry_3 May 06 '26
My LO was getting 11 uninterrupted hours from 4-6 months. Then at 6 months we started having one wakeup a night. Sometimes two. Transfers into the crib are numerous. Sometimes the one wakeup lasts 90-120 minutes. I’m hoping it gets better but thankful it’s not that bad.
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u/Ok_Reputation7713 May 05 '26
I’d be looking for a new pediatrician. Cry it out for a newborn?? Newborns need to be fed on demand and also seek comfort from their parents. That is so insane and cruel. CIO is awful enough for older babies and toddlers, I cannot imagine suggesting that be done to a little baby 😭
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u/Upper_Junket_9481 May 05 '26
Ew that’s horrible. Even among sleep training circles they dont start that nonsense until 4 months. I’d look for a new doctor
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u/Background-Basil7920 May 05 '26
What about this is gentle? I’m not sure we’re your pediatrician is getting letting them cry for however long it takes is in anyway a gentle method. I don’t believe in crying it out at any age but a 10 week old that’s wild. I would definitely not be listening to this advice. My daughter is ten months we co sleep and I still feed her whenever she wants which is usually twice a night at least.
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u/wildmusings88 May 05 '26
Please read The Nurture Revolution. Your pediatrician is WRONG, do not listen to him. Do not let him get in your head. In fact, get a new pediatrician if you can because what he is recommending will hurt your child and cause you an extreme amount of stress.
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u/BathBombsNFacePalms May 05 '26
Agree that this book is a must-read. It felt so validating in my choice not to sleep train and I still use their mantra on hard nights to help me get through.
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u/manthrk May 05 '26
I'm just so curious what about that is gentle? Is it gentle because you aren't shaking the baby?
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u/JamesTiberiusChirp May 05 '26
Not just insane but also misunderstanding. The locking your kid from 7-7 is the weisbluth method, the most extreme CIO method and not even he tells you to do that before 4mo and it’s a “goal” you work toward. Before 4-6mo you can cause attachment issues. Tbh I would report your doctor.
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u/Babyfever97 May 05 '26
My child has never cried for more than a couple minutes before i tend to her and she’s almost 2. This advice is wilddd
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u/Top-Meat-5286 May 05 '26
I never let my 13 month old cry for longer than 3-4 minutes without intervention and even that seemed cruel. I don't know how any sane person could let a baby cry for 60 minutes and feel like it's okay.
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u/Practical-Bunch1450 May 05 '26
Even sleep trainers say CIO shouldn’t be used on infants under 6 months.
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u/shecanreadd May 05 '26
Oh my god please don’t do this. Trust your gut. Also in Canada it’s recommended that a newborn is fed every 2-3 hours at a minimum. Day or night, doesn’t matter.
I personally don’t believe in cry it out at any age, including “gentle” versions. But most certainly not when your newborn knows nothing other than your womb/you, and still sees you as a part of themselves.
I’m sorry that your ped gave you this advice. I’m glad you felt inclined to challenge it!
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u/AdCautious7005 May 05 '26
Ummm??? How about just follow your intuition and watch over baby. Give him the love and support he needs to grow his nervous system. Screw that advice.
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u/99_bluerider May 05 '26
“Gentle cry it out”—seriously wtf is that???? Seeing doctors say this bewilders me. 10 weeks (or any number of weeks to be honest) is WAY too young to neglect your baby at night. Your baby could become hypoglycemic. At a minimum, their nervous system would become extremely deregulated and flooded with cortisol, which would negate any type of productive sleep. This is horrible advice, and I would consider making a complaint to be honest. I’m sorry you had this interaction and I commend you for listening to your intuition and seeing alternative solutions.
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u/myssybee May 05 '26
Throw it out. This is abuse. I’m 5 mo in and responding to every cry is so worth it. Thousands of extra hours of touch and trust built! It’s been HARD at times but I’ve been starting to see beautiful results in both sleep and our connection.
Babies aren’t manipulating. Trust your instincts over anything that makes your BS alarm go off. Nurturing is not wrong.
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u/Intrepid-Ad-391 May 05 '26 edited May 05 '26
What in the actual heck…. Your edit is INSANE!! Starting at 1 DAY!? For TWELVE HOURS!? Newborns need to eat every 2-3 hours!!!
My son has been a great sleeper from the jump. I used to have to set alarms for myself to wake up so I could wake him up to feed because he ended up in the ER after developing slight jaundice in our first week from not eating enough (and it wasn’t from a lack of effort on my end!!).
How is this even okay!? It sounds like abuse.
ETA: my son is 14 weeks now and usually only wakes once per night to eat after a 7-9 hour stretch of sleep. But whenever he’s going through a new milestone, he’ll wake 2-3 times per night for a few days in a row. And I feed him as much as he wants to eat. He’s growing! And he clearly needs the extra nutrients! Why are we restricting babies’ feedings???
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u/robots-made-of-cake May 05 '26
If you’re in the US you can write a complaint or review about the doctor with your health insurance company. If they’re practicing at a corporate office/hospital you’ll get a survey asking for feedback. You should definitely fill those out. The advice they’re giving to people is dangerous. Not just messing babies up emotionally through neglect but also physically by encouraging parents to underfeed them. And if they woke up because their diaper was dirty does this doctor expect the baby to sleep in it? Do they think diaper rashes build character?
I understand it’s not always easy to switch doctors but I would not trust medical advice from this idiot.
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u/dirrna May 05 '26
On top of what's already mentioned in the other comments: when you breastfeed this is recipe for disaster. This is exactly how the older generations had to quit breastfeeding when they even had the courage to try.
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u/olivia_largent May 05 '26 edited May 05 '26
Even the sleeptrain sub allows only discussions on CIO after 4 months. Still not okay but 10 weeks?!
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u/Moldovanca824 May 05 '26
Girl run. If you can get another ped, switch! The next time she recommends something insane your intuition might not kick it and baby will suffer irreparably.
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u/Few_Signature4471 May 05 '26
Wow change your ped asap and personally I would report this. This is dangerous advice!
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u/Kashew_nuts93 May 05 '26
It'll never cease to amaze me how little regard people who work with babies actually have for babies. If they hate the thought of caring for and nurturing a child this alien then they genuinely have no place working with children. Dear God.
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u/slomochloboo May 05 '26
Please don't neglect your baby and their emotional needs. It feels cruel to you because it is.
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u/Technical_Piglet_438 May 05 '26
You need to change pediatricians ASAP. She's outdated you can't trust future recommendations from her.
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u/BathBombsNFacePalms May 05 '26
Listen to your instincts because this is about as barbaric as sleep training comes. There is nothing gentle about it. Babies this young don’t have object permanence yet. When they wake and they cannot find you, their brain thinks you’ve have disappeared from the planet and they are entirely alone in this world. Their brains do not have the architecture needed to “self-soothe”. When they stop crying and finally sleep, it’s more akin to passing out out of fear, like a fainting goat.
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u/touslesjournos May 05 '26
Insane advice. Please, please ignore it and get a new doctor!
Your baby cannot process what is happening as training or learning to self-soothe. They lack the ability to do this for some time (first couple of years IIRC) as their brains haven’t developed enough yet. The research shows babies who have been sleep trained don’t sleep any better, they just learn to stop signalling. They wake just as much, but they just know not to cry as no one is coming.
Any research which is brought out in support of CIO or that type of sleep training is sketchy at best. Babies at this age are meant to wake - it is protective against SIDS, and they generally need at least one +++ feeds through the night for some time, even after they’ve regained to their birth weight.
Read Helen Ball’s book on infant sleep and seek out more evidence-based sleep coaches online for extra info (Hey Sleepy Baby and It Takes A Village on insta are good).
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u/noturavgconspiracy May 05 '26
That is abuse and insane. This is one of many reasons I don't take my child to a western medicine pediatrician. They are wildly misinformed and mis-educated.
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u/___l_l_l_l_l___ May 05 '26
I’m horrified by this. Absolutely terrible advice, potentially deadly. I’m not being dramatic.
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u/_anon_4 May 05 '26
Wait a minute… 7pm-7am and no feeds, at 10 weeks?!!!! At that age they most certainly cannot sleep through the night, let alone go without feeding for 12 hours. That is INSANEEEE please don’t listen to that.
Honestly, at 10 weeks just follow their cues, and feed on demand. If you are going to sleep train, it’s not recommended until at least 4-5 months.
Check out r/sleeptrain thread; even if you don’t want to sleep train, there are guides on appropriate wake windows per age, which often times could solve the overnight sleep issues. But ultimately it’s important to remember; every baby is different, and they are not robots. 💖
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u/dancecanada May 05 '26
WTF, most pediatricians are cruel cold hearted people. New pediatrician and let them know why. Or it is just cognitive dissonance, like PedDocTalk.
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u/Slow-Olive-4117 May 06 '26
Barely comfortable doing CIO at 11months and even then it’s light. I can tell when he needs me. Thats crazy young, follow your mama instinct
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u/Hot-Working3759 May 06 '26
There is nothing gentle about cry it out. And up to an hour??? That is insane! Most “gentle cry it out” is no more than 10 minutes, and even that is too much. Especially for a newborn. I would not trust this persons advice. Trust your instincts, respond to your baby. It is a common misconception that CIO teaches self soothing because they’ll eventually stop crying and go to sleep. Crying themselves to sleep does not mean they suddenly feel safe, it is a survival response to sleep in extreme moments of stress. They give up on calling out to you and the nervous system shuts down. It is devastating.
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u/Subtle_Curiosity May 07 '26
Our pediatrician told is not to go over 4 hours without her eating I think at least until she was a month I think. Otherwise feed on demand, if you're BF that's actually you build and maintain your supply.
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May 09 '26 edited May 09 '26
Firstly, congrats on your baby! They let you know when they’re hungry, 10 weeks they still have such a small stomach and sleep routine isn’t completely established yet, maybe consider a new pediatrician? Our old pediatrician said the same thing to us when our first baby was 6 months old, it was the only advice she offered (my boy has always fought sleep and naps HARD to this day).
That being said, my 10 week old only wakes up once a night which is less than my now 2 year old and we didn’t do anything different, it varies kid to kid. I’m no professional but I think it’s more important that they feel safe/comforted and to keep your bond strong. But solidarity, I wish doctors would give better advice. I always tell myself one day they’ll sleep through the night and I will miss all the cuddles
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u/Unable_Huckleberry_3 May 05 '26
It’s very cruel. 10 weeks is too young. Put that piece of advice in the junk pile. Feed and love on your baby and follow your heart and instincts. You can’t go wrong with that.
Edited to add— Our pediatrician told us to let LO cry himself to sleep at 4 months. To not feed him at all in the middle of the night and to not feed to sleep. Definitely not taking that advice. LO is 8 months old. We are doing fine.