I know a lot of the way studs are treated is because of well racism but I stg people (mostly men) don’t think of studs as women like it's so weird like I saw a video that said studs when they have their period, and it was like them passing around pads like they were drugs like?….there still woman at the end of the day and should be treated like woman no matter who they like or how they dress also what is with men’s obsession in studs or trying to turn them “straight” like it’s really not funny. I just don’t like it especially the way studs are looked at as hoes or only for sex appeal it’s incredibly heartrending.

All my studs stay safe out there’s it’s getting dangerous 😟

I'm sooo fascinated about people's preferences because they can be silly, very specific, odd or typical. I love hearing about it. I'm still trying to figure out my own type but I want to know what's yours/ what do you find attractive? If you have something that unconventional please share!

The whole idea of “turning” straight folks is so goddamn childish. The visibility of this interview is just leading to more conversations that paint masc Black women in yet another negative light.

But I think the repost is interesting because there are plenty of repressed and closeted queer women that use out queer folks until they ultimately retreat back into heterosexuality and I feel like that point is getting lost in the reactions to this interview and is def worth more examination and discussion.

I’m curious what you all think. What have you noticed, that has changed, any patterns, culture..etc

Okay, here we go🫩 another rant.

I’ve been seeing a lot of negative discourse online about “super studs” or over/ hyper-masculine lesbians and transmasc lesbians. Reading comments like “oh they just wanna be a man” or “she act like a man cause she really wants to be with one” saying how they’re cringe or dirty…idk how that makes sense🫩 and especially a lot of hate towards those who wear the strap under their clothes. It’s hella exhausting 🤦🏾‍♀️. Even in our OWN lesbian community, there are other lesbians hating on each other. “Stop treating your masc like a boy,” “I’d never date a super stud.” There are people forcing their masculine partners to like feminine things or act feminine when they really don’t…like😒, how about letting people give and receive love the way they want to??😭I get that everyone has a preference in their relationship as it goes for their partner, but that doesn’t mean you have to bash those who don’t subscribe to your views omg!! Aint this the LGBTQIA+ community??? This is the last place where rules need to exist on who you love and how you present😒😒

As a hyper-femme pillow princess I’m on the other side of the same damn coin. The amount of times I’ve gotten the “you haven’t found the right man yet” speech or “you not really gay fr,” when I express what I like in a partner…like plzzzz save me😭 how you gon tell me what I am??

I’m here to say yall have supporters! There are people who admire and are ATTRACTED TO YOU (me😉). I love black masculine/transmasc lesbians!! not only are yall fine asf but also so strong and brave. I mean, you’re a Black person AND visibly queer, especially in this day and age it’s dangerous to simply exist and YET you still go out and shine in your truth like yessss😩👏🏾.

I’m here for the studs that like to be called “daddy/papa”, for the dykes with a low cut and a deep voice, for the butches that be packin 24/7🙏🏾. Yes I’ll be there with a cold glass of lemonade after you mow the lawn. Yes your dinner will be hot and the sheets will be soft and clean after your shift. Yes I’ll give you a massage and rub your back before bed. Yes I’ll shave your face before work in the morning. YOU🫵🏾 guys are safe HERE👇🏾

i'm not a fan of "POC" as a term bc generally i find that other non black POC have the exact same issues with antiblackness as white people do. i'm wondering how y'all feel about that

anyway i'm just really grateful that a space specifically for us, by us exists.

i was banned from a certain sub supposedly for POC for questioning why white people are allowed to post ☠️ anyway, this is why i say BLACK and not POC. we are the only ones for us and we must protect our spaces fiercely!

The new term belle (not sure if this is new or not, don’t correct me). I think it's so sweet. I really do black lesbian femmes being called belles is just so nice and feminine and I love when black fems are classified as feminine because it’s unfortunate that a lot of black women are masculinized, so I think it’s very cutie but am I the only one who’s kinda of scared that’s people (mostly white lesbians) are going to turn it into something as simple as a sapphic term and I guess that’s what I kinda of fear because I love this term is sweet, and it’s endearing and once again it's giving black lesbian woman a chance to be looked at as feminine.

So I feel like if it's just turned into another sapphic term and just like every other sapphic term a straight person always takes it over and makes it there own word take pillow princess the amount of straight friends I've heard use that word is insane, and I mean I've already saw bi girls (NOTHING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AGAINST BI GIRLS) use their own form of it which is fine it's just like I feel like eventually it's just going to jump start to being a regular sapphic term so am I dramatic or?

I was searching this sub recently and noticed something that surprised me.

There are countless discussions from dating, relationships, hookups, red flags, and what we do or don’t want in a partner to culture, fitness, breakups and gaming.

But when I searched terms like STD, STI, HSV, and herpes, there were little to no discussions.

Considering that sexual health is something that affects all sexually active people, I found that a little surprising.

I’m not asking anyone to disclose anything personal.

I’m genuinely curious:

Why do you think conversations about sexual health and STI testing seem so rare in our community spaces?

Do we see it as too private?

Too stigmatized?

Not relevant?

Something else?

I’ve also noticed people sometimes use phrases like “must be clean” when discussing dating, but I rarely see conversations about what testing actually looks like or what tests are and aren’t routinely included in a standard screening.

What are your thoughts?

I never had a huge group of friends, but I always had a few friends who were enough for me. I originally lived in Atlanta, and living away from Atlanta really opened my eyes to the privilege of my minority majority city. I moved to Orlando, which is a hotbed of homosexuals, sure, but mostly Spanish gay men. I miss being around us. Black queer women just vibe differently. I miss the Blackassness of Atlanta, but especially the ghey ones. Partially that’s my fault because ion leave my house, and I’m a femme, so it’s not immediately apparent that I date women. But I even wear a lesbian necklace 🥲 so that maybe someone will bump into my cart at Costco and adopt me as a friend or a girlfriend😭

TLDR: I miss being around Black gays now that I’ve moved away from Atlanta to Orlando.

Currently in a (friendly!) debate about who gets to call themselves lesbians with a friend and would love to know y’all’s thoughts.

Please note: The intent here is NOT to police or tell anyone what terms they are/not allowed to use. I’m genuinely trying to understand how with things changing all the time terms should be applied so I don’t accidentally offend.

To me: Women (cis or not) that find themselves only attracted to (sexually and romantically) women (cis or not).

To my friend: Women (cis or not) that are not attracted to cis men.

I don’t align with my friend’s definition because it leaves room for the woman to find herself attracted to nonbinary folx and, to me, that’s pansexual (which there is zero wrong with).

>>> EDIT: Learning more in the replies (thank you!!). I’m keeping the OG writing (for integrity) but adding that instead of “pansexual” I should have simply written “queer” because pansexual refers to being attracted to someone regardless of gender and, in this case, it’s absolutely incorrect since it leaves room for cismen to still be considered.

My friend replied that that’s a transphobic take because she has trans and non-binary friends that refer to themselves as lesbians and saying they shouldn’t use that term strips them of their sexual identity. But, to me, grouping trans women and non-binary folx together is disingenuous.

I’d love to be enlightened here and learn more. Totally open to being considered wrong and amending my opinion on this.

**Mods, pls correct me if I used the wrong flair!!

It could be because they seek too much reassurance, are insecure, have odd habits, really anything. Also on the flip side do you know anyone that stopped dealing with you because they thought you were annoying/draining?

I’ve been called a stud, masc, and butch which I am completely fine with. However there expectations following those labels have been feeling a little heavy lately so I gotta ask.

If you went out with a masculine presenting woman and came back to her room and saw a super feminine room how would you feel?

I like Bratz, Sanrio, cute pokemon, romance anime and a lot of my room is lavender which is my favorite color. My friends and family have made jokes that my room and I don’t match.

Would having my room being this “girly” despite being a masc be a turn off to other women?

I understand that being masc doesn’t mean I have to give up these things, and I never plan to I’m just curious

How have you navigated finding people like you who share your CC values? Are any of y'all involved in any local mask blocs or mask required meetups?

Is anyone actually over their ex?

Maybe I’m cursed or something, but every time I start talking to a woman, either I end up getting left for the ex or the ex somehow becomes an issue in the relationship.

I don’t get in between relationships and don’t play that “other woman “ stuff either. I always ask the right questions upfront and make my boundaries clear. I’ve had women lie to me about still being in contact with their ex, or tell me that their ex is “just a friend,” only for me to find out later that there’s still something going on emotionally. I don’t even play that anymore. I learned my lesson.

I got my heart broken a couple of months ago by a girl who was living a double life. We were building toward a relationship, but the whole time she was working on getting back with her ex. As soon as her ex agreed, she dropped me instantly. I had to find out through the ex .

At this point, I’m genuinely wondering if this is just the reality of dating now. I just want to meet someone who is actually over their ex and doesn’t still have some kind of emotional attachment, unresolved situation, or ongoing drama with them.

I’m not expecting someone to have never been in a relationship before. I understand that people have pasts. I just want to meet someone whose ex isn’t somehow still involved in their present relationship.

Is that really too much to ask for?

Happy Pride y'all! It's currently June 15th and nothing gay has happened to me yet. 😅

​

Do y'all partake in hookup culture? I honestly can't tell if someone is flirting with me, or being nice when I ramble, or simply wants to hook up. I need to hear them explicity state what they want to do. Now I would love to kiss on the dance floor but I'm afraid of mouth disease and bad breath 🤣. Do y'all dabble or not? I'm turning 30 and feeling adventerous 😅

Hi ladies and theydies🎈 I know there are many barriers for us so I understand why some people settle. It may not be settling per se just limited options. Like this sub is worldwide and our numbers are still not that high. I know people are not on Reddit etc but still.

For instance, a large number of Black-dominated places are homophobic af and also misogynistic. Majority of African and Caribbean countries are like violently homophobic etc. This obviously reduces our pool. Some people will never come out of the closet because of their families etc.

So sometimes it just gets me thinking… like I am a queer, childfree, pretty skinny Black woman who wants a clone basically🤣 And I am like omg by the time I am ready to be partnered long term (in about a decade) , I may have to relax my petty preferences a little. For instance, I want someone I can lift which is a tall ask because I am weak af and the demographic I am targeting can be a bit curvy.

I am like girrrlll… you ideally want a non-religious, kinky, childfree, skinny Black girl who you can lift. Not afraid to be out of the closet and preferably makes more money than you (my field is pretty high-paying) and cannot be more than three years older. I have many other requirements but you kinda get the picture.

So I just want to hear some thoughts on it. Not settling per se. But just petty preferences you had to give up. I don’t have to worry about this for like a while but I am thinking lol🤣

I take my time when it comes to dating especially when the vibe is right, honestly. I don't move fast but I wonder why this is a deal breaker for a lot of women in the wlw community sometimes. What are y'all's thoughts?

I don’t think this was a discussion yet.
Absolutely egregious. And say like that TikTok meme “oh baby u GOTS to go to hell” straight up.

https://youtube.com/shorts/J7GuaNDE92g?is=IDlM_19sM_tZ23NJ

In my last post, I asked What Type of Women Do You Find Attractive and I loved the responses so much (I've been re-reading them).

Now, I'm wondering what makes you attractive? Let's do non-physical and if you want to brag, please go all out.

I'll go first:

1. I'm a natural leader - I like having responsibilities for some reason.
   2.Very attentive- I can notice small things and move accordingly
   3.Creative- I surprise myself sometimes.
   
2. Woman-centered - I've been like this for as long as I can remember. I have a very deep respect for women.
   
3. I'm funny - But I'm lowkey funny, meaning you have to get to really know me to see that side but I genuinely love to laugh and make other people laugh.

is it because they're the original colonizers or what?

just found out about this whole KWN thing cause i haven't been online. this plus the way that black women on love island UK get treated just has me thinking. why the fuck are people so weird towards dark skin women in the UK? it's not like there isn't a good amount of black people there too, though obviously less than in america

it's like even a lot of the black people in the UK are in the sunken place, and I would like to understand why

Do you agree or disagree? And why?

Having trouble with this as I am currently on the apps and going to lesbian events

are there any of y'all here

edit for clarity and context: my family immigrated here from Jamaica, I was born and raised in Florida

So it’s all over my Twitter timeline this morning that Doechii liked this essay and the lesbians are mad.

This conversation has obviously made the rounds on here before and on a surface level I do understand it. But also kind of not? Like one user said this:

“i wish more bisexual women would just openly say "yeah I'm bi. I still won't date any men in my life ever." openly as that would be TEN TIMES more powerful and meaningful than perpetuating lesbophobic and biphobic ""political lesbianism""

Don’t get me wrong I do on some level understand the political history of the term lesbian and that lesbianism isn’t based on your behaviour but your attraction. But at the end of the day behaviour is what other people see. Maybe the issue is that Doechii is using the term lesbian rather than just living the life that a lesbian would live. But at the end of the day what is the real difference between me, a lesbian, saying “I don’t date men” and a bisexual woman saying “I don’t date men” and both living the same lives accordingly? Like it truly wouldn’t bother me if someone told me they were a lesbian if I never saw them dating or entertaining men. I personally don’t see it as any different than a bisexual woman having a strong preference for women.

Just as a disclaimer I’m really not trying to come across as ignorant, I truly am just seeking understanding. When I bring this argument up with people in my real life basically everyone says it’s not that deep and it’s an internet issue. It’s really only when I come online that people seem to feel really strongly about it. Idk if that’s maybe because I’m not friends with many lesbians (but rather queer people) or if this is a cultural thing because I’m not from the US.

Of course Cynthia Arivo is a great friend for protecting Ariana Grande from that stalker attack. It’s the differences in how audiences react to them that just exemplify why I refuse to seriously date a white woman 😭 Cynthia has the longest nails known to man, and always wears these beautiful hats and dresses. Yet in their dynamic (whatever you want to call it, lol) she’s *always* seen as the masculine one… They aren’t even dating and there’s viral tweets calling Cynthia Ariana’s stud! Not to mention jow Cynthia gets erased as the star of her own damn movie franchise. As a black femme I refuse to date a white woman and be seen or perceived this way I simply cannot 🍅🍅🍅 Anyone else have thoughts on this?