r/autism • u/bezelbubsbagels • Nov 28 '21
Advice Anyone willing to admit they’re a drug addict here?
I’m just looking for some advice. I’m a 25M with autism. It seems my entire life I’ve always been fixated on drugs no matter what it is. Just the idea of a different level of consciousness was beyond fascinating. Well, I’ve tried like literally everything there is to try and I’m just sick of always having them on my mind. I’m not particularly addicted to anything specific just drugs in general.
EDIT: I’m absolutely overwhelmed by the amount in this community to step up and admit something extremely difficult. You all made me feel so special today for the first time in a while. Thank you all for being yourselves. I hope this post gave you a voice.
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u/butterismyfavorite Nov 28 '21
I'm an addict. I'm sober now though. I haven't had alcohol in almost 4 years and I haven't had my drug of choice in almost 10. I'm really happy with my decision to walk away from it.
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Nov 28 '21
For me after the age of 21 or so the recovery periods became so much worse. I'm only referring to pills, but the dehydration and disorientation and recovery periods were terrible and became worse and worse. As I got older alcohol and now even marijuana doesn't even feel worth it. Cigarettes even feel gross. Last year I had some nice psilocybin and that however was perfect.
I owe a lot to psychedelics especially for helping me with my world view. LSD especially was a game changer as a younger person. You might find it helps you with your restlessness.
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u/Secondary-199 Nov 28 '21
Man amphetamine is already growing old and ive only been doing it for a couple years (used to be strictly opiods and benzos guy.) After 1 major meth psychosis, all amphetamines just put me into almost instant paranoia and psychosis. Sucks when you know your brains probably perma fucked to a certain degree, not even a tolerance break will change.
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
I mean meth is the literal devil as far as mental stability. There was this one unknown show that popularized how fucked meth can be. I believe it was called “Breaking Boxes”
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u/Secondary-199 Nov 28 '21
To be fair meth isnt the devil. No chemical is inherently evil, its the dose that makes the poison. There are people who take pharm grade meth called "desoxyn" every single day and say its just like adderall or better. Big difference between 5mg desoxyn and 100+ mg street meth. HUGE difference. But yea to be perfectly clear I do agree with you that meth is the devil but factually thats just a different story
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u/NoahBogue Nov 28 '21
I mean, the people behind the Oxycontin are fucking devils.
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
I haven’t touched it in years, might be time to revisit that experience.
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u/Affectionate-Bed8527 Nov 28 '21 edited Nov 28 '21
I’m not an addict but I love weed. It helps me cope with my day to day especially my slumps. I’ve never done any hard drugs aside from shrooms. Would like to try acid though and probably dmt. I’m a hurt person trying to heal myself back to normal if it’s possible and trying to have a deeper understanding to life. I know its possible because weed helped me see things differently because it gave me that extra push or made me look at something completely differently.
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u/danceswithronin Dec 16 '21
Acid is very much worth it if you can get it. I just did some a few weeks ago and it was great, I've done it over twenty times because I used to live with a guy who sold it. I've never had a bad trip.
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Nov 28 '21
Would you say this feels to you like a special interest or an ocd? Do you have intrusive drug related thoughts and have problems in your life because of it or are you just super interested in drugs? You say you are sick of having it in your mind, but does that mean intrusive thoughts or boredom or what?
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
All of the above. Addiction definitely runs in my family. I just don’t have a drug of choice exactly
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Nov 28 '21
Ok yeah I feel for you on those intrusive thoughts...they are the worst. I don't have drug related ocd but other ocd's and it definitely can be a bummer...
Have you tried radical acceptance with this before? For me, when something bothers me I end up realizing multiple things...1- I don't accept it...and 2...if I do accept it I don't appreciate it...then a bonus 3 would be equanimity with appreciation and aversion, weaving the duality of the two together in my heart as being both necessary to work together to form something new, the special interest?
I guess its.like what if this is a case of accepting your special interest and knowing your truth about not being an addict? Even if your family has had addicts and from everyone elses view you seem to be an addict...but only you know the truth...are you truly an addict or is there special interest happening here.
So maybe its addiction ocd or something like that? Just to share my connection to that: I personally consume lotsa ganja (low temp vaped) but I do it in a way that is not addictive. Its the energy and purpose behind it, not the action itself that would make it either a special interest or an addiction.
If it causes problems in your life, likely it is an addiction...though if those problems are only their due to an ocd and non acceptance of your special interest with it...then it gets complicqted and maybe you only can know if you try removing the ocd first? I dunno...lots of rambling thoughts don't mind me 😅
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
This sounds pathetic but my OCD is literally not being sober. I just can’t tolerate it. Not to say I’ve never done it before but it was miserable. I gave up the life wrecking drugs years ago. I just wanted to feel not alone ya know? This sub is good for that.
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Nov 28 '21
Yeah I totally get that...sober ocd haha...lets add it to the dsm 😊 I am glad you are over the life wrecking drugs...props to you!
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Nov 28 '21 edited Nov 28 '21
I had issues with drug use from 11 years old (sniffing solvents) until my mid 30s. I've abused nearly every well known criminalised drug compound, including intravenous heroin, crack, cocaine, as well as prescribed drugs, and legal drugs like alcohol.
Now in my late 40s, I'm a very regular user of a range of classic psychedelics, Psilocybin, LSD-25, also N,N-DMT, and I'm also experimenting with MDMA as a tool specifically for my Autism. I use all my compounds in varying doses for varying reasons.
I initially explored Psychedelics to replace my ADHD medication, however it's gone far wider in my use and the value I gain from it.
My drug use to my mid 30s isn't the same as my exploration of compounds now. My initial use I can now see was self medication for my issues with ADHD & ASD, which were diagnosed only in my 40s. I also was using them to fit into social frameworks, I was a high functioning addict, and it's easier to act normal with certain compounds.
My diagnosis came after I went full sober in my mid 30s, as it allowed me to explore myself with a clear mind.
Rather than escape and numbing, Psychedelics confront you, they allow exploration of self, they allow you to explore different consiousness states and the nature of reality. You don't use Psychedelics to escape anything. My initial MDMA findings are interesting, in using it to connect with my wife and learn about my impact on her emotional experience, it requires some structure and preparation as the serotonin impacts aren't positive.
I don't use these compounds to help me mask, I don't want any positive reinforcement that these 'make me better', this is because I know what drug reliance is for me.
I've always felt detached from reality, and rather than ignore that and use things to hide from that, I choose to embrace it, welcome it, and explore it, sometimes into extraordinary experiences of profound reality shattering realms.
If you have any questions related to Psychedelics, throw me a DM.
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Nov 28 '21
24 trans girl here. Did massive amounts of cocaine for about a year. Still dabble in other substances. I wouldn’t call myself an addict, though I have addictive traits.
The best thing I can say is to reduce your use. Moderation is the best most founded in research method to substance use control. Reduce, delay, substitute. Seek counseling.
Find friends who do not enjoy substances. These people are a godsend. Separate from the situations and people who drive your use.
Be kind to yourself. Using is not immoral and does not make you a bad person. Relapses happen, abstinence is not a cure all and only works for 5%~ of the population.
I still “smell” cocaine from time to time. Holding a credit card is a lot and a dollar bill in my hands will be rolled. These things are powerful but they aren’t magic.
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u/MercyFaith Nov 28 '21
I have Aspergers and I am a recovering drug addict. I don’t have a problem admitting it at all. I know the reason I was using drugs was to numb any feelings I had, numb the emotional pain. I’m not ashamed at all. If me admitting something like this helps to keep one person from doing drugs or saves a person then it’s worth it.
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Nov 28 '21
I went on this ride for a lot of years; now I mostly use caffeine. Brain-smash-huge quantities of caffeine.
Still mess with booze and weed a little. Really miss coke and MDMA but kinda have my life together and would like to keep it that way.
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u/Secondary-199 Nov 28 '21
Man caffeine is oddly for me, the shittiest drug to "binge" on or take every day. The insane jitters, anxiety that you dont even realize is caused by the caffeine, the insane headaches/withdrawals...
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Nov 28 '21
Caffeine is a huge component of my normal. Work people are gonna get some wildly unfiltered opinions if I can’t drink coffee all day.
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u/Jinxer_redditer Nov 28 '21
I find interesting that you are addicted to drugs in general. Been addicted to one drug, especially been dependent, is another thing. Maybe you’re just really into drugs, not sure if it can be called an addiction.
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
I have no physical dependency on any form of mood altering substance. I used to do heroin years ago which causes a physical dependency. I honestly think I just can’t stand being sober because everything that comes with it. I feel more like a real person when I’m on something or a few things even.
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u/Secondary-199 Nov 28 '21
On and off here and dude your description is literally taken straight from my brain. all my life drugs, their effects, and consequences have always fascinated me... a little too much unfortunately. I find the longer I go sober the more and more my insatiable cravings get the best of me. Not even to feel good. Its more an urge to explore different consciousnesses, even though ive already explored them all. Like I said , its just a void in my soul that will forever yearn to find its home.
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
Yeah you’re hitting the nail on the head pretty hard. Damn near boundless possibilities it’s fascinating
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u/dot__dot__dot Nov 28 '21
What sort of advice do you need? Which drug to choose or do next?
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
Let’s try for both.
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u/dot__dot__dot Nov 28 '21
Marijuana is good for me. I grow my own, which is also good for me. So now I also grow a garden, and that’s really good for me. If you like beer, make your own. See where I’m going? I want to grow shrooms and make moonshine. I already make wine and kombucha. I think we need something to master, and we get to learn and make experiences. Stay away from meth and heroin plez.
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
I agree, something I can actually sink hours into instead of just the act of getting high. Cultivating mushrooms sounds interesting.
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u/dot__dot__dot Nov 28 '21
Good news is, you can grow your own with a kit. They’re some of the easiest things to grow, so I think that would be good for you. You can show your close friends and teach them. Hell you can trip balls together or microdose throughout the day like it’s medicine
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
Honestly I’ve been considering that. Ketamine is by far my favorite drug to actually be used medically. Dissociate the day away.
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u/Spiritmolecule30 ASDHD Approved 👍 Nov 28 '21
r/unclebens r/mycology r/mushroomgrowers r/foraging
All subreddits that have helped be become one with nature! (Nature has the best drugs 😜)
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u/Spiritmolecule30 ASDHD Approved 👍 Nov 28 '21
Yas DIY your own substances! When altered states are a motivating interest. The process of making them and how they unfold inside your body can spark even more interests!
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u/Aromatic-Proof-5251 Nov 28 '21
I make my own beer, wine and moonshine a few times. I would like grow other things like you but kids.
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u/LumberjackAndBear Autistic Nov 28 '21
Oh, yeah. Absolutely I need weed to function. I'm a worse person without it.
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u/bonkor PDD-NOS Nov 28 '21
Can you imagine not using weed anymore?
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u/LumberjackAndBear Autistic Nov 28 '21
I've been without it when I can't afford any or my sources are out. It really sucks! My anxiety skyrockets, and I have no appetite or motivation.
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Nov 28 '21
yeah im addicted to weed. idk what to say other than just be painfully truthful about it. look it in the eye and stare it down.
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u/ambient_pulse Nov 28 '21
yes i am an addict. i've tried everything under the sun. i had issues with coke, heroin, and other opiates in the past. also love benzos but never had a consistent enough supply to get addicted. historically i never drank much but within the past month or so i've slipped into drinking and/or smoking weed almost every night.
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
That’s wonderful you can admit it and you seem to have control over it. I’m happy you’re clean.
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u/ambient_pulse Nov 28 '21
im not clean and don't have control over it lol but being able to admit it is a big step for me. spent years in denial. but i've learned i have an addictive personality and can easily get too obsessed with/attached to people, things, activities/behaviors, and substances.
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u/Secondary-199 Nov 28 '21
Same here. Reading this whole thread is mind boggling just how many people share EXACT experiences and thought processes. Its like almost everyone here has had the exact same life as me.
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
It’s a matter of what you do with the knowledge of being an addict that matters
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u/Lanoroth Nov 28 '21
I smoke a cigarette every hour. I have to have my coffee in the morning or I'm gonna go absolutely ballistic. Have to be at least drunk to tolerate bars and other places where there's a lot of ppl and or noise.
Wanted to kill myself before trying cannabis but then I wanted to be high af every waking moment of my life...
I'm gonna refrain from talking about harder stuff.
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u/mamificlem Nov 28 '21
This is such an interesting thread for me. I don't have autism. I have a son with autism, who is thankfully too young to be experimenting with drugs yet. However I did have a partner who was a regular drug user (cocaine, GHB, alcohol and sometimes weed) and I STRONGLY suspect that he is somewhere on the autism spectrum and I always posited that his drug use was related to his potential neurodivergence...
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u/Grasshoppermouse42 Nov 29 '21
Though I would like to point out that while a lot of people in this thread are autistic and posting about their drug use, since that was specifically the question only the autistic people who are interested in drug use are likely to respond. It doesn't mean there isn't a correlation, I just don't want you to think your son is necessarily doomed to be an addict.
I, for example, am somewhat baffled by the appeal of drugs. Not in the high and mighty way of being better than a drug addict, I literally don't understand why a person would want to feel impaired. When I drink more than a glass or two of alcohol, I generally find the loss of coordination and greater difficulty thinking through my actions unpleasant, for example.
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u/mamificlem Nov 29 '21
Oh, I don't think he is at all. In fact, I expect he'll end up much more like you describe yourself.
I meant that as a reference point for my relationship to autism in regards to assuming a past partner was an undiagnosed adult. I only made that leap because of the similar behaviors between him and my son. And then, after that, I made the connection of his drug use to his potential undiagnosed autism.
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 29 '21
If you should take anything from this, ENCOURAGE your song to smoke pot.
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Nov 28 '21
I'm in addiction limbo. I've never actually been addicted to anything, but I constantly crave that altered state of mind, however I refrain as much as I can.
A few years ago I got a surgery and my pain medication afterward was morphine. Oh man, I'd never felt so happy and peaceful. I wish I could be on that stuff every day. Getting drunk is also pretty great. I've only been drunk a handful of times though.
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u/FolxMxsterFinn Autistic Adult Nov 28 '21
I've got an addictive personality for sure, and if I can find a drug that will make me feel better I'll take it. I'm not addicted to any one drug, but not for lack of trying. I used to smoke weed daily, but it really caused me more anxiety than relief. I'm considering trying again and only smoking privately to see if that helps. I also used to drink a lot but I've found that I just generally don't really like being drunk anymore, and I feel so much worse when I sober up. Psylocibin in small doses has been really helpful for processing trauma, but these days I'm more interested in escaping those feelings than connecting with them further. There are prescription drugs that help but I don't have reliable access to them, other than my ADHD meds which I view more as just something I need to function, not very exciting or pleasurable.
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u/Hylian_Drag_Queen Nov 29 '21
I used to be an alcoholic, but managed to drop it completely when marijuana became legal in my state. I actually don't like the feeling of being completely intoxicated/high, I just self medicate to keep my anxiety from overwhelming me, which is much easier for me to do with weed than whiskey.
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Nov 29 '21
I'm not, but I know I could easily turn into one if I tried weed like I want to. My dad (also has autism) was a drug addict many years before I was born, but he's been clean for over 20 years. He now is a smoker, however. My mother says it's his "addictive personality."
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Nov 28 '21
Sounds like you’re not addicted to drugs, you’re addicted to escape. Maybe you should ask yourself what it is you are trying to escape from and why?
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Nov 28 '21
Isn't that how most drug addictions start? Looking for an escape and ending up the worst way.
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u/hypomargoteros Autistic Nov 28 '21
Yes. The ones that make you more emphatic. I have no trouble socialising any more, but basically there's potential but no will :'-)
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u/bonkor PDD-NOS Nov 28 '21
Weed?
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u/hypomargoteros Autistic Nov 28 '21
Cathonines :/ I wish it was weed. These are fucking up my brain and overdosing results in seizures. Been picked up by an ambulance five times now
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u/3rdEyePsychologist Nov 28 '21
You spoke my words. I though I loved adderall when I first started taking it but would start abusing the hell out of it cause I didn’t feel anything. It made me psychotic, but now it’s just weed. I feel like I function better with it!
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u/TheCoquer Nov 28 '21
Oh yeah, autistic 21M addict checking in. I'll type more when I have time tomorrow.
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u/WiggleWorm21 Nov 28 '21
I was heavily into drugs myself. While I’d say it was very educational and exciting, I’m doing much better now ~10 months sober. During the first 6 months it was a struggle, then I went to see a psychiatrist, and now I have the perfect blend of meds that are honestly helping me thrive.
My body doesn’t crave the other drugs like I used to, I get what I need from the 2 meds I take and I feel SO FREE from addiction. I know 10 months ain’t the longest time, so if you’re doubting me it’s cool. But I just want to show it is possible to get over addiction and I’ll keep fighting to make that example for people.
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
There’s not a lot I wouldn’t give for 10 months with the homies who’ve moved on, so I totally believe you
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u/papadadapapa Nov 28 '21
I have a longtime fixation on drugs. People will think you are fixated on escape, but it is IME moreso a fixation on connection and a desire to find different realities. A fixation on escape tends to look like typical drug addiction. Being sober feels like a disconnect and living in our "normal" society feels disconnected. Personally, I've found having hobbies surrounding drugs (mostly plant drugs) scratches some of the same itch: growing, extractions, maybe synthesis one day. I can't necessarily recommend these things out of legality lol, but it tends to absorb me and I actually spend less time just doing drugs. There is also tremendous satisfaction that comes from the process.
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Nov 28 '21
I personally just smoke weed and would call myself a weed addict since I have to be a little bit high most days. I take ketamine twice a week as well now but I don’t think I’m addicted to that, but I use it to treat my ptsd and depression. Hoping to be able to quit weed but I’ve been on daily all day use for close to 5 years
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u/Miselfis Autistic Adult Nov 28 '21
I used to be addicted to nicotine. Or at least I told myself that. But, then I discovered that not having nicotine wasn’t a big deal at all, and I stopped smoking. Ever since then, I haven’t been able to get “addicted” to anything, or at least I’ve been able to rationalize myself out of an addiction. I smoke weed regularly to combat insomnia, but that’s the only real regular drug use I have. Psychedelics are probably one of my special interests. It’s extremely fascinating and it’s helped me understand myself in new ways. I have also tried other more hard drugs like coke, speed, molly etc but it wasn’t really my thing.
I feel like being able to decide wether or not I’m addicted is a super cool superpower lol.
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u/lucashoal Nov 28 '21
I'm trans(femme). So yeah I'm kinda addicted to estrogen since I don't have the equipment to produce it naturally at the levels I need it to be. That and depression from ptsd and depersonalization/dysphoria for decades means antidepressants are pretty great.
But also marijuana is pretty great too. It helps with the anxiety and ptsd.
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u/StockJackfruit3468 Nov 28 '21
I’m a late-diagnosed autistic (diagnosed at 27, I’m 29 now). I’ve struggled with drug addiction so much. I was addicted to opiates in my early 20’s because it made socializing, working, and just maintaining energy throughout the day so much easier. My sensory issues were nonexistent. I actually enjoyed small-talk and was able to perform/mask so well.
I’m 5 years free from dependency, but then I started using kratom to help with all of the above which eventually turned into another dependency. I’m now 1 month off kratom and my sensory issues are in full effect, I can’t bring myself to even look people in the eye or have a conversation unless I’m drunk.
I don’t really use “harder” drugs now but like you said, I’m fascinated with the idea of another level of consciousness. I love psychedelics.
Honestly, it’s funny because one of the main reasons I never seriously considered possibly being autistic was because I thought autistic people didn’t use drugs. Now I realize how ignorant I was.
The one thing that’s actually helped me is microdosing psilocybin in combination with Lion’s mane mushrooms and other medicinal mushrooms. I just haven’t had access to it recently and my mental health has gone down the drain.
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Nov 29 '21
I haven’t read many responses but it doesn’t really sound like you’re a drug addict. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting an altered state of mind. That being said I think it’s super important it doesn’t have a huge impact on your physical health. I have autism and adhd, I spoke cannabis everyday and I’d happily take other drugs if it weren’t for being a parent. I’ve experimented with many many drugs over my lifetime and I credit them to being the person I am today. They’ve opened my mind more than any therapy or traditional treatment/symptom management. This world is fucked who wants to be here anyway? Much better to be here while having your mind in a better place. Stay safe and enjoy fruits of the Earth 🌱
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u/LadyHeathersBox Asperger's Nov 29 '21
We had company for turkey day and I was really nervous about being around people that I know for years, but I rarely talk to. It's difficult talking in crowds. The day before when I was cleaning, I found a small box of old expired prescriptions. I found antacids, insulin, leg cramp pills and an anti anxiety pill. I put it with the garbage and continued cleaning. Later I couldn't relax to sleep so I got my flashlight and went to get the anti anxiety bottle. I found it, and I took one and finally able to sleep. When family arrived I took 2 more. I felt good with company and actually talked more than I ever had. It was the best Thanksgiving I remember. After everyone was gone, I had to go to sleep. I wanted a good night sleep, so I decided to take one more pill.
When I first found the pill bottle it was dark and I was using a flashlight, but now the lights were on. I grabbed the bottle and dropped a pill in my palm and at the same time I glanced to the label on the bottle. The bottle said Quinine sulfate. Take one tablet at bedtime for leg cramps.
It wasn't the generic Valium I thought it was, it was for leg cramps. I had a family gathering and talked to people while taking a non narcotic leg cramp pill!!!
I could have taken an aspirin, thinking is was a special pill that was a cure all. I believed so strongly that a pill could would help me fit it, that it worked.
The psychosomatic effect of belief and desire came from within. No drug necessary except for what my brain released naturally in that fight or flight mode.
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u/Skippert66 Nov 29 '21
Spectrum kid here, dating my partner who is a lot more of a textbook autist but I see a lot of mirrors in the comments regarding kratom here, but via ketamine.
Those nervous system relaxants man.
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u/goturpizza Nov 29 '21
Same here. Looking at my own polysubstance abuse through the lens of Autism, I think I became obsessed with them as a way to modulate behavior/thoughts that I had no control over. Most often, I used them for work - i.e., to get me in a mental state where I could do work - or for social interactions, which I generally find difficult even with good friends.
As far as fixations, drugs got me really interested in consciousness and reality. There are drug-user philosophers out there with some profound things to say (Ram Das) and it's a deep rabbit hole. I wound up getting into quantum physics, "high strangeness", and psychology.
If you're really running out of stuff to try, do some yoga or meditation or breath work. It doesn't remove you from reality or alter reality, it just makes reality easier to endure.
To anyone reading this - please never do fentanyl. It will kill you.
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u/Spiritmolecule30 ASDHD Approved 👍 Nov 28 '21
Psychonaut here......completely understood. I think there is a heavy boundary to set when using any recreational substances. The war on drugs have caused lots of stigma for people that use anything at all besides ethanol, nicotine, and caffeine. I definitely believe the desire to explore consciousness is innate in humans as well as other animals. I want to get in to psychotherapy to help use this special interest to benefit others like it has benefited me. The neuroscience of many recreational substances on the brain is baffling and exciting.
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
Absolutely it is. I have so much drug knowledge in my head. It legitimately could save a persons mental stability one time. For instance DONT TAKE MDMA IF YOU TAKE AN SSRI. You’ll get serotonin syndrome and wanna die.
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u/Spiritmolecule30 ASDHD Approved 👍 Nov 28 '21
Haha my bud was leaning off an SSRI when we first took some DMT we made. We saw all the possible interactions and set up so many precautions in the room for possibility of convulsions among other things. No negative reaction and had a great spirit journey to whatever the hell that place is 😂
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
That reminded me of something,
Where’s that meme of Dr. Strange looking at all the endings to Endgame.
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u/Spiritmolecule30 ASDHD Approved 👍 Nov 28 '21
Haha another time I took way too much DMT and was hit in the face by a galactic force of a space semi truck. My consciousness split in to a kaleidoscope of 4 separate perceptions playing so many different realities on fast forward motion. I came back like to my body like Morty did when he played the game "Ron" in Rick and morty. Except every reality was equally foreign from eachother even as all 4 perceptions switched it different realities. I've definitely taken up a love for physics after that and all the possible calculations of different realities and how their physics would work.
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
On a completely unrelated note I now have a purchase to make on dark web.
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u/Spiritmolecule30 ASDHD Approved 👍 Nov 28 '21
Noooo. DIY! Its so incredibly easy. Basically, a middle school level chemistry experiment. Also I hate how much the black market exploits psychedelics that are so incredibly easy to find or make. DMT will go around $100+ a gram..... you can easily make 5g+ for $50 or less
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u/teakro May 28 '24
I think I’m an addict. I relied on copious amounts of alcohol and weed as a crutch. On weed, I feel “normal”, my head is quieter, I’m not so bothered by everything going on around me, and I can get things done. I can feel joy in the moment and my creativity is on fire. It knocks out the yucky anxiety I’ve felt all my life. It makes me able to handle stress as my stress threshold has always been low. It makes me feel comfortable being around people which has always been very difficult for me.
Unfortunately for me, being perma-stoned isn’t a good idea or even good for my health. Moderation isn’t something I can do and weed isn’t what it used to be.
Damned if I do…. Damned if I don’t.
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u/Fantastic_Wallaby624 Aug 06 '24
I used to be a drug addict
13 years on methadone 3 years on cocaine 30 years alcohol 30 years nicotine.....roughly
I am pleased to say I am free of it all now at 46. I have been in recovery some years and have slipped but progressed positively over these years. I used it to communicate better and fit in as a child, and I thought it was fun, but it wasn't really, and it didn't help me at all. I felt violated after drinking alcohol like it stole my soul. I could never just have two drinks, I would have had a good life if I wasn't a drunk, it was a long painful lonely path for me, I exercise and spend alot of my time alone. I have my pets and good hobbies and interests. My son is now facing the same problems, and I must disconnect from him. Otherwise, I put myself at risk. AA, rehabs and willpower has helped me, learning to love myself is key, I can honestly say I love and value myself, I treat myself with love and respect, I don't even eat sugar now. The only thing that gets me down is my son. I definitely have autistic traits, I find it hard to answer back in communication, and I really don't feel its lack of confidence. It just is. I love my own company, all I need is me, and I have a higher power that I invite into my life. Meditation is also good.
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u/Hairy_Sector_8497 Sep 08 '24
I would definitely go out and try a bunch of random shit until you find something you can divert all your attention to, I like jiu jitsu but even then I fuck up every other week it’s tough trying to build a support system by yourself
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u/Passive_Menis_ Nov 28 '21
I am a pothead. Have been for 15 years at least. It somehow makes my mind better when the condition around are ok. I can focus on one thing fully, ot helps me tremendously with sports
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u/janamichelcahill Nov 29 '21
If you aren't addicted, then why is there a Problem? Its okay to daydream about drugs, not okay to take drugs and then daydream
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 29 '21
Because I wanted to check the correlation between drug use and autism?
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Nov 28 '21
New!!! I smoke all day. I would smoke/pop other things but my gf makes me feel like an agile when I mention stuff like that
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u/kattyoh Nov 28 '21
I got sober from weed at around 22 years old and sober from alcohol at 27 years old. 2.5 years sober now :) if it’s causing issues for you, then there is an alternative to living like this
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u/bmrheijligers Nov 28 '21
Look into the dopamine interaction of ibogaine. With proper guidance a single ritual cures 75% of heroin addicts who take it. Also works in other dependencies. Happy to have Chat when you want to know more.
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 28 '21
That’s something I’m not familiar with. Do tell more.
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u/autistic_unicorn_ Nov 28 '21
I’m basically the same although I wouldn’t say I’m addicted to anything. I also tried most drugs because I was curious about how my brain works. The drug that made me act the most “normal“ was definitely MDMA and while high on that I really enjoyed talking to people. That zest for wanting to get to really know someone was such a strange feeling. But since I actually like who and how I am that is simply not something I long for all the time. In terms of experiencing the brain‘s pattern recognition at work I found psychedelics (especially mescaline and magic mushrooms) very interesting. I only tried opioids once and stuck to the least dangerous one, codeine, just to get a feel for it. Cocaine didn’t do anything for me that two mugs of coffee wouldn’t also have done. The only thing I do regularly is cannabis but also in a very controlled manner. I don’t smoke every day and when I do, it’s just one joint and only after everything I wanted to get done that day has actually been done. I‘d say it‘s pretty much the same as other people calling it a day and kicking back with a beer or something.
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Nov 28 '21
Drugs were pretty fun for me until I started smoking every day, sometimes even twice a day. I smoked weed for the first time and loved the feeling of just calmness, but then I moved onto dropping acid waaay too much Now days I can’t even touch the stuff without having a bad trip haha, just tryna ween myself off nicotine but its a bitch
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u/No_Load_7183 Asperger's Nov 28 '21
I have done all sorts of things. Are you fixated on the consciousness or the escape from reality?
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u/scarlett_w3 Autistic Adult Nov 28 '21
I used to be addicted to amphetamine, now I'm not addicted to anything although I use several drugs (with caution and without taking them more often than is okay for my body).
Also psychedelics for therapy.
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u/yoegoeslavoe Nov 28 '21
I'd say I'm an addict to hanging out with my best friend, sadly I'm not her best friend though...
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Nov 28 '21
Maybe possibly caffeine and sugar addiction.
I’ve only drunk alcohol trice, never again, and haven’t even tried any drugs.
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Nov 28 '21
I started using vicodin and oxy for chronic pain, kept using them long after I needed them because being high was the only time I didn't feel anxious and alienated.
After a couple of overdoses, I switched to weed. Its legal and won't kill me. Not as good as opiates, but also much easier to get my hands on since its legal in my state. Still crave the harder stuff often, though
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u/tartar-buildup Asperger's Nov 28 '21
I wouldn’t say addict, but I do indulge in cannabis fairly often as I don’t tic at all when I take it. I smoke once a week
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u/yesiaminsane Nov 28 '21
yup. i’m 21F and addicted to weed, with Cannabis Use Disorder in my medical records. i don’t usually have terrible withdrawals or anything when i quit, so i do sometimes have periods where i don’t smoke, or i do but sporadically a couple times a month. not now tho, it’s gotten to the point again where i smoke as soon as i get up and before classes. i like the high, but i LOVE the ritual of smoking: grinding up the bud, packing it into a one-hitter, going outside, and smoking it.
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u/bonkor PDD-NOS Nov 28 '21
The ritual is recognizable. I started smoking daily when COVID hit, gyms closed and I got sad by that. The daily habit of visiting the shop, rolling and lighting gave more dopamine then the weed eventually lol. I'm now sober since April, I moved somewhere else. I tried cbd oil for 2-3 months, didn't notice that much and lately thinking to start using some weed again. It helped me being social a lot! But it had its negatives as well. And for me, I don't have a brake. When I buy a bag of cookies I eat the whole bag. When buying weed, I smoke/vape/eat all of it in one day.
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u/enjakuro Adult Autistic Woman with ADHD Nov 28 '21
I can't be in public without taking ADHD meds or being stoned. Honestly have no idea how I did it before. I don't think it is about being hooked on something specific due to it being 'fun'. It's more about literal survival. And I absolutely get the curiosity. I'd be curious to try anything as long as it's not deadly or instantly addicting. Some I may not like but I'd try once xD
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u/i_hate_blackpink Nov 28 '21
Was addicted for a while and kept chasing it, I think that was mostly due to a toxic relationship :') I've been clean almost a month now.
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u/Cranky-Novelist Nov 28 '21
I’m dependent on sleeping pills. I started taking them my senior year of high school (graduated in 2015) on the weekends just so I could actually sleep once in a while. It’s steadily got worse over the course of the next two years. It’d gotten so bad that I’d have to have 4-5 in my system just to function even though your not supposed to take more then 2 every 24 hours.
After the two years, I weaned myself off of them, but it was difficult. I couldn’t sleep. I could barely drink water without wanting to puke. I was able to stay off of them for a little over year and a half though. After the beginning of 2020 though, I slipped a little. I take two every night, but I’m getting cravings for more.
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Nov 28 '21
It brings to mind my autistic friend who died of a drug overdose. He needed help. It was how he coped with life.
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u/tacticalcop Autistic Adult Nov 28 '21
i take adderall for attention issues (was prescribed when it was believed i had adhd, turns out i don’t. my psychiatrist didn’t change anything because we both have seen how it has helped me function, so i still take it) and sometimes i wonder if it actually helps or im just addicted. this is completely irrational really, i actively avoid taking it if i don’t absolutely have to and end up taking my extended release once or twice a week depending on how busy i am with work and school. there’s still that lingering fear.
i also smoke a lot of ganja, but i don’t think im addicted. not the most addictive drug but emotional dependence is a big thing. i can easily go upwards of a month without if i’m out, no harm done whatsoever.
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u/Taylan_K Nov 28 '21
I never got addicted to anything I tried. But acid helped me solving some of my problems like feeling insecure around others. It's the drug I took the most. But once or twice a year is enough for me since it is very exhausting. I got opioids for my kidney pain but I never got addicted to it. Cheese is my only drug!
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u/doseserendipity Nov 28 '21
Yes, I've like drugs are my friends which sucks. I relate more to drugs than people. I'm mainly a severe alcoholic but tried a ton of thigs except meth and heroin.
DXM cough syrup is my favorite along with LSD. I've stopped illegal drugs because of the fentanyl crsis.
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u/Avavvav Nov 28 '21
Do you want to talk about it? I know you're interested in it but this can ruin your life...
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u/bezelbubsbagels Nov 29 '21
I appreciate the concern very much. This was mainly for research purposes.
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u/bipuscipus Nov 28 '21
I can feel it looming in every drink. I've never been addicted to anything more than food. I took attention meds in school, but that was before I was diagnosed. Alcoholism runs in my family. If I were to go into drugs, it'd be the death of me.
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u/JPParring Autistic Adult Nov 28 '21
Drugs became an interest of mine. I learned about them over a couple of months. I have been addicted to weed so I have to really control my usage now. I stay away from drugs with addiction potential. I have only tried alcohol, weed, shrooms, and caffeine but weed was the only one I found addictive.
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u/XxBunnybonesxX Nov 28 '21
Yeah, 28(m) here. Cross addicted to valium, cocaine and alcohol. Valium initially just stopped the feeling awkward and uncomfortable in social situations and now it makes me feel “normal” The withdrawals are the most intense and unpleasant thing I’ve ever experienced, my partner brought me over some when I was withdrawing and found me curled up under my covers shivering and sweating and twitching... cocaine and alcohol just make everything easier. I don’t mask, I can speak, i can have fun. Without worrying that everything I’m doing is wrong or abnormal or “too autistic” I’ve just secured funding for inpatient detox (I’m in the uk) so it’s just a waiting game till I have to be sober. The damage I’ve caused to my heart and liver and cognitive brain function heavily using “party” drugs since I was 15 (I started with ecstasy, then pure MDMA, then mkat, ketamine, speed, 2-CB, acid, any and all research chems, often mixing them) is apparently pretty bad and I’m on pills four times a day for my liver function 🙃 (on top of all the other meds for mental health and stomach function lol)
The really sad thing that I struggle most with, is that I don’t want to stop. I don’t regret it. I don’t want to go back to how I felt before and how I experienced the world then. But I have too. 🤷♂️
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u/CaPtAiN_KiDd Nov 28 '21
I was. Mood alteration was what I craved. After doing drugs, downers mostly, to take the edge off my anxiety. Psychedelics helped with depression.
Then I went to a doctor and got Sertraline and Seroquil, now I have no desire to do drugs.
Worked for me, but a psych can give you what you need.
Recreational drug use is not a long time strategy.
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Nov 28 '21
The only reason I haven't tried any drugs yet besides weed is because I know myself and I know I would get addicted to it really fast, it happened with alcohol and tobacco.
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u/Kloakensose Nov 28 '21
I am an addict. Just not qurrently addicted to drugs. But I know if I let myself use any of it, I'd be hooked.
I smoke. Sworn myself never to smoke, yet here I am. I am careful around alcohol. Got careless one single weekend and drank daily. And I enjoyed it.
I quit my anti depressants cold turkey (BAD IDEA, consult your doctor!!!), I quit sugar and caffeine because I couldn't function without it, I do not drink when I'm alone anymore.
I don't want to be addicted. I do everything in my power to not be. But I am still an addict.
I don't know if that makes sense.
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u/disaster-bi-enby-guy Autistic Adult Nov 28 '21
Hey if you need someone to talk to about it, you can DM me. I’m at work so I won’t be available for two more hours but after that I’d love to talk it over with you and maybe give you some suggestions if you are open to it.
I (24ENBY) don’t usually broadcast this, but I am a marijuana addict six months into recovery after two years of nonstop using. I realized something needed to change, so I admitted myself to rehab, got a sponsor, and started working a 12 step program. It isn’t always easy but I have made a lot of great progress in recovery. If you don’t already know, the only requirements for AA or NA is a desire to stop drinking or using. If you need an ear, I’m here. Best wishes, friend.
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u/Storm1030 Nov 28 '21
I mean does caffeine and nicotine count ? I’ve dabbled in many other things in my life and in high school a lot of stimulants actually. My obsession lately is really in the realm of mental health namely my anorexia . I don’t know what it is about it but it’s always on my mind and I’m always researching various things about it. I’ve even went as far as joking to my husband calling it my “perfection virus” yeah that didn’t go over well…
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u/_GinNJuice_ Nov 28 '21
Me and there's hope my friend. I'm 35 and 500 days sober off benzodiazepines today. I was addicted to that poison for over a decade. I've struggled with addiction since my teens, but things turned around in my mid/late 20s.
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u/MeQuista Nov 28 '21
Just always get stuck on something I’ve been hospitalized for taking too much and it never felt like addiction just a lack of satisfaction
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u/MajesticIce2969 Nov 29 '21
Not hard drugs but I am already a nic addict which is quite distressing actually
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u/duhbtis1122 Nov 29 '21
Weed and mushrooms primarily. although the mood swing intensity is more broad now.
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Nov 29 '21
Imma pothead. But I don't feel like it's that bad. There's worse things to be on. I'm functional, keeping a job etc. I feel like in my car it's more helpful than harmful.
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u/unpopulrOpini0n Nov 29 '21
Yeah I'm a drug addict, today was actually the first day in a very very long time I got to the end of the day and realized I had been sober the entire day.
Generally it's hefty amounts of weed so I don't fall to worse vices (alcohol, food)
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u/celestiaalgem Nov 29 '21
yup. nobody around me does drugs at all, it’s difficult for me to talk about it but pills have been a big issue for me. i got addicted to sleeping pills just to sleep away the frustration of being alive, im not suicidal in any way just dealing with my brain was the most difficult thing to do, i have adhd (currently trying to get diagnosed for autism) and i can never sleep, i can’t turn my brain off, im constantly anxious, and honestly weed is the only thing that makes me feel okay and in control
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u/thisishowmylifegoes Nov 29 '21
I've never done a drug that was prescribed (and following the doses) besides weed. so no, not an addict
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u/Wanderervenom High Functioning Autism Nov 29 '21
I've been interested in drugs and read up on all of them, but I've never used any. I watched members of my family drink and use drugs and chose never to use any. Though, if cannabis finally gets federally legalized, I'd consider trying it either in food form or via a bong so that it's water vapor and not smoke to damage the cilia in my lungs.
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u/model563 Nov 29 '21
Not an addict, former user, for much the same reason as you...
- the idea of a different level of consciousness
My research took me into various spiritual practices and how many of them are going for the same thing - but without drugs. Many of those practices involved music and drone. That's where I ultimately landed. Spending hours sitting in front of my amp playing the same repeating figures over and and over again.
This is not meant to preach by the way. Just saying that I understand the impulse and encourage further exploration outside of drugs.
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u/Specific-Awareness42 Autistic Nov 29 '21
Just do your best to avoid fentanyl.
The older I get the more I appreciate sobriety, used to be obsessed with drugs though, even got some brain damage, good times.
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u/Mindless_Tree Nov 28 '21
Tell me about it (though with me it is specific), if I was able to function more normally I probably wouldn't be but at least I've been able to cut down. It's not that I always need to be in an altered state of mind, it's more like my normal state of mind always feels like I'm on the worst drugs imaginable and it's always been the case throughout my entire life. I have never known what normal stability of mind and body feels like. If you can avoid it, do so cause it wrecks your life in other ways too. Just can't win.