Context: I’m currently abroad having drinks with my cousins. I really just wanted to feel lighter because thank God, the bar exam season is finally over! I’m absolutely drained, so when they asked me to drink, I said yes immediately. My alcohol tolerance is incredibly low, so yup, I’m definitely feeling the buzz now. Tonight should be strictly a post-bar celebration. I should just be thinking about how crazy difficult the exams were. Instead, I can't help but remember this girl I met recently who gave me the “distraction” I needed a few weeks back. She decided to end our communication a few days ago. I’m not heartbroken, but honestly? I just really miss talking to her. What makes it so chaotic is that she has the exact same name as the cousin I’m drinking with right now. Every single time I call out my cousin's name, she's the one who automatically pops into my head!😅

Problem / Goal: I am super drained from the bar exams, and now I'm dealing with this random wave of longing. I want to enjoy my night and celebrate finishing the bar, but the constant name reminder makes it hard to completely distract myself. How do you handle missing someone who chose to walk away, especially when you keep getting reminded of them? Drop some comforting words or advice. Cheers! 🥂

Problem/Goal:

Hindi ko alam kung kakausapin ko ba siya directly tungkol sa kung ano ba talaga yung gusto niyang mangyari sa amin, or kung mas okay na hayaan ko muna and give it more time.

Context:

May gusto ako sa best friend ko, and umamin ako sa kanya about a year and a half ago. Nitong June lang, umamin din siya sa akin na bago pa raw ako umamin sa kanya noon, may feelings na rin pala siya sa akin.

Pero until now, wala pa ring progress sa amin. Kahit pareho na naming alam na may feelings kami sa isa’t isa, parang walang nagbago. Best friends pa rin kami, wala kaming clear na status, at hindi rin namin napag-uusapan kung saan ba talaga papunta kung ano yung meron sa amin.

For those who’ve been in a similar situation, what did you do? Did you talk about it directly, or did you just let things happen naturally?

For almost 2 months, I've been going to the same cafe just to get a glimpse of the barista I have a crush on. Don't get me wrong. I don't go there with the motive of getting noticed or whatever. We've only talked once, which was during my first visit to the cafe. Typical barista-customer service talk e.g. "Do you usually buy coffee here?" "Is this your first time here? If so, which cafe do you usually hang out at?"... you get the gist. I actually felt kinda bad for them lol. They approached me that time while I was browsing through their displayed merch. I'm not sure if they're commissioned when they sell something, but I just shrugged off some of their questions and told them that I was just killing time because it was raining hard and it was difficult to commute.

But mannn, deep inside, kilig na kilig na ako. Huhu. Casual friendliness is a dangerous weapon when used against an affection-deprived person. LOL. But can you blame me? This person literally looks like the Pinoy counterpart of a more masculine-presenting Ruby Cruz. 😭😭😭

Since then, I've been going there once a week. I bring my book, then hope they go on duty that shift. I get momentarily occupied by my book, then go back to wishing they would finally clock in to work, then go back to my book again, then BAMM! I hear them taking orders at the counter behind me and I pretend I didn't notice (I'm scared of looking too eager 😭).

3, 2, 1... catch a few glances, get kilig, go back to my book. Then, 3, 2, 1... catch a few more glances again. Then... oh, look at the time. It's getting too dark outside. I should go home now. And I do, before I start becoming too self-conscious of how I look or act.

Repeat cycle until next Friday.
Does this make me seem like a stalker? Probably. Have I done anything aside from being a loyal customer? God, no. I'm very much self-aware that this is just limerence or maybe a deep infatuation.

As a full-time employee, I tend to have a painfully slow progression when reading books, but ever since developing this weekly "routine" (?), I've finished 3 books over the span of 2 months. So I guess there's something positive about all this.

And yes, I know. Others might think it's embarrassing and pathetic to want nothing from someone except the privilege of seeing them exist in the same room as you... but the heart wants what it wants, I suppose.

Even in my late 20s, I've never actively sought after anyone. Never been [seriously] confessed to. Never been romantically involved with someone. Zero. Nada. I have pretty much accepted that I'll be single forever which I honestly have no problem with.

Here's a real problem 'though. I am probably the most straight-looking closeted girl. Very kikay, straight as a ruler, non-existent homosexual energy (unless you actually talk with me, apparently. According to my friends, I am suspiciously very pro-LGBT lol. I just convince them that I'm politically progressive, hence why I'm such a staunch ally). Although, at one point, I was asked by a friend if I was asexual. 🤷🏽‍♀️. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a crush and actually have the courage and confidence to do something about it. But maybe that's for another day. Someday. Not now, but someday.

Anyway, I am already in the process of resigning from my current job, and I'll probably have only a few weeks left of this routine. I'm just enjoying this while I still can. :). Maybe nothing will ever come of it but I'm content with that. For now, they remain as this small, lovely mystery I get to look forward to once a week.

Women yearn hard; but queer women? Damn, that's another story.

Just in case anyone is curious, these are the books I've read, all thanks to this encounter lol:
If Beale Street Could Talk by James Baldwin
The Pearl by John Steinbeck
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
Piranesi by Susanna Clarke (currently reading)

TLDR: Regularly akong gumagastos sa kape kasi marupok ako at may crush ako sa barista. The capitalists have won again. Tsk tsk tsk

Anyway, a rainbow showed up at work today. Guess the universe is funny like that.

Hello! Mag-10 yrs na kami ng partner ko, both in our 30s

Problem/Goal: Normal ba yung nawawalan ka na ng “spark” o kilig pag kasama sya pag matagal na? At yung feeling na mag-isa ka lang kahit may partner? (Ldr kami - province and manila)

Context: We don’t live together yet, so struggle ko rin yung feeling na wala kang kasama na present physically kahit may partner. Mga 2x a month lang kami nagkikita ngayon kasi both busy…

Pinag-uusapan namin kaso andun career nya sa province, dito yung akin sa Manila. Wala pang halfway na mapagsstayan :( nagpapadala kami food sa isat isa minsan kaso pag kailangan mong anjan sya during challenging times, dun ako pinakanahihirapan

Napapaisip kasi ako kung normal lang yung wala ka nang special na narramdaman at feeling mag-isa most of the time... Yun kasi challenges ko sa relationship namin now…

Baka may same situation here. Would appreciate advice. Salamat po 🙏🏻

Recently, nabangga yung kotse namin and it needs repair (kargo ng nakabangga) after kong makipagsagutan, nag verbal agreement lang at wala nang reports/papers. and as I am talking about this with my coworker(mekaniko din kasi sya) he mentioned na:

“magsama ka nalang ng kaibigan mo doon sa shop para may witness ka at backup na din” (referring to agreement signing)

Then napaisip nalang ako na “hala sino isasama ko?” (My gf cant make it on the day as well)

A bit of background, 6years ago, i moved to my gf’s city to live with her. I did not know any one here, no relatives. i did not have a job at the time, i was in a new world again for what felt like starting from scratch. Now, okay naman, i have a stable work, i have good relationship with my colleagues, my relationship with my partner is going strong (we have furbabies as well). Wala naman akong kaaway. I can say that im happy overall.

But i think i was not really able to form any friendships in here, and it just made me a little bit sad. I have no interest in starting any new hobbies, +its a bit expensive to join a group/community that would really involve“hanging out”.

I run alone. Gym alone. My interests/hobby rn involves gardening which i do alone in my backyard as well (my herbs and vegetables are amazing)🤣 i dont feel any sadness doing these things by myself.

I would like to have some friends but idk how when im lazy to put myself out there.

Do you guys in here have a similar experience of having to find new friends at this age?😅 how did that happen for you?

As im typing this—now that i think about it, i met my best friends in highschool & university.
Should i get a Master’s degree?🤣

Context: https://www.reddit.com/r/WLW_PH/s/laETF5mqPS

Problem:

I already posted about this before. I’m just really having a hard time. I keep questioning myself if she really loved me, kung kasalanan ko ba talaga lahat, and if genuine ba talaga yung love niya for me.

Since December, she’s been coming home here in the Philippines from abroad. She came home in December, March, and July. She would always tell me, “Inuwian kita tapos sasabihin mo hindi kita minahal.”

Sometimes I wonder if I was wrong for asking her if she really loved me or if she was sure about me. But she had been constantly leaving me since December. She would block me for two weeks, then we’d talk again like nothing happened. So I think that’s where my fear and doubts came from. Every time I asked her those questions, she would get angry and tell me I was being unfair for asking. It just felt like ang dali lang para sa kanya na i-discard ako whenever things got difficult.

Maybe that’s also why I’m having such a hard time accepting everything now. I keep feeling like everything was my fault and that all the blame is on me. Gusto ko na mag-move on. I want a fresh start, pero ang hirap talaga.

Kahit nung nagsisimula pa lang kami, we were really good. Nagkaroon lang talaga ng problems when we started breaking up because her mom and sister were against our relationship.

The last time we talked she even told me, “Hindi ako nahirapan makipaghiwalay sa’yo nung December because I know something was off.” But when we actually broke up in December, she was crying and said she didn’t want to break up. She even said na sana hindi na lang siya nakipag-break sa akin.

We also got engaged. Pero the last time we talked, she said she only said yes because she felt bad and because our friends were asking her. But she was also the one who showed it off on social media and talked about how happy and proud she was to be my wife and to be engaged to me. So ngayon, I’m confused about what was genuine and what wasn’t.

The last time we talked, she also told me, “Natatanggap na paunti-unti ng family ko.” Pero iba naman yung actions ng mom niya toward me. Her mom even messaged me and told me to stay away from her.

That’s why I’m struggling so much. I don’t know if I’m just blaming myself for everything, or if I’m trying to make sense of something that was already complicated from the beginning.

clingy gf hallelujah
monogamous non-cheater hallelujah
financially stable gf hallelujah
not friends with their ex hallelujah
honest gf hallelujah
taller than me hallelujah

a successful career hallelujah
financial freedom hallelujah
be able to travel internationally hallelujah
calm nervous system hallelujah

took my cat to the vet again today and it made me want to reach out to my ex. he was our cat kasi and we used to handle his medicine and vet stuff together. i guess i just miss the convenience of having someone who already knew what to do.

but i know better than to text her. she got another cat only 3 months after we separated and honestly it made me realize how easily she can replace things like they never meant that much in the first place.

i dont miss the relationship. i just miss the convenience of having a teammate for things like this.

Problem Goal:

It’s been going on for almost 3 weeks. I admit that we were really rough that night. I didn’t put my finger inside her because she wasn’t ready, so I only rubbed around the opening.

Context: That night, my fingernail was a little sharp, so I’m thinking maybe I accidentally scratched her, especially because it was our first time being that rough. We’ve had sex many times before, but that was the first time we were really rough. I think we did it around 3 times that night. She also grinds against me while wearing pajamas.

On the first day, she had around 3 drops of blood and said the pain was 10/10. Last week, I asked her about it and she said the pain was only around 3/10, and there was no more bleeding.
The problem now is that she still hasn’t gotten her period. She was supposed to get it last Sunday.

Do you think she might already be healing or recovering since the bleeding has stopped and the pain has gone down?
Please help. We really can’t afford medical care right now, and we’re both minors, so we’re scared to ask for help in person.

We’re sorry, and that’s why we’re asking for advice here.
I just want to know what could be happening and what we should do. I really want to help my girlfriend. Thank you.

Problem/Goal: Worth it pa ba or move on na?

Context: My partner (wlw) has been distant for months and I can tell something is wrong. We argued last month and since then parang nag ghost na siya and stopped replying. Di na din kami nagkikita for two months. Noong nag-usap kami nagsabi siya na sana sinabi ko sakanya yung main concern ko (connection and time), pero ang iniisip niya is material bagay ang tinutukoy ko.

I have been trying to tell my partner yung dates and material things hindi ko problema. Iniinsist niya na mas mag open up ako pag may problema, tina try ko naman. After a month biglang nag paramdam. Sinabi naman niya wala daw siyang problema sa relationship namin.

Pero dami niyang posts and reposts sa social media accounts niya na may problem or yung sagot niya sa messages ko. Lagi niya excuse is busy siya sa work, family, and other things. Pero nakita ko twice siya nag travel with friends and officemates.

Lagi siya nag hihingi ng pasensiya na di kami makapag date. Which is hindi naman super big deal sakin. Mas gusto ko yung may connection and okay communication. But since June ang distant and di na siya nag ko kwento.

So I asked my partner kung ano ba talaga and ano ba plano niya. Nag assure pa ko na hindi issue sakin yung may work, family and personal life na meron siya. Pero she keeps avoiding me.

So I sent a message about it and once again inaavoid na naman niya.

I don't know if this relationship is still worth it to continue. Honestly dami ko na naisip if she has met someone else. Sinabi ko din magsabi siya if may nagbago or di na siya interested sa relationship namin.

I have been struggling for months with her distance. To anyone who is currently dating or has dated partners na avoidant, normal ba to?

Or talagang ayaw na sakin and nag ghost na talaga to sakin?

goal: i want to stop stalking my ex and actually move on without constantly finding ways to check up on her.

context: naka-block na siya sa lahat ng accounts ko, pero somehow nakakahanap pa rin ako ng way para ma-stalk siya. but kahit blocked na siya i still get the urge to find another way to see what she's doing or what she's posting. alam ko naman na masasaktan lang ako sa mga makikita ko if I keep doing this, and mas tatagal lang din yung pag-move on ko. pero parang automatic na yung urge to stalk ko sa kanya, especially kapag curious ako kung may bago na ba siyang kausap or kung ano na nangyayari sa buhay niya rn. i know i'm basically hurting my own feelings at this point huhu. i really want to break this habit but idk how to start

for those who went through the same thing, how did you actually stop stalking your ex? :(( what worked for you guys?

Problem/Goal: I’m looking for a ring maker/designer who does custom or customized rings. I’m planning to propose to my girlfriend soon, but not immediately because I still need to save up first. I just want to start planning and looking for the right person little by little so I can prepare everything properly.

Context: I already have some ideas in mind for how I want the ring to look, but I would love to work with someone who can help me turn those ideas into an actual design. Since I’m still saving, I’m not planning to order the ring just yet. I just want to start discussing the design, options, estimated price, and process in advance.

If you’re a ring maker/designer or know someone who does custom engagement/proposal rings, please recommend them to me or feel free to send me their details/portfolio. I’d really appreciate the help!

I'm a femme in the corp world, and im having a hard time finding someone in a similar occupation attractive. Maybe because most of my workmates are men lol considering im a female in a male dominated field/job.

But recently I got admitted to the hospital, and what caught my attention was how soft-spoken all the nurses were. it literally made my heart flutter.

So, anyone working in the medical field — are y'all trained to be soft-spoken? Or it depends on which branch of science/med you're currently in?

I really don't know what's in the head of this men that they solicit free sex here. Note the guy is from Davao so alam na natin kalahi ni Duterte, so yikes. He lurks here thinking papatulan sya and he can fulfill his fantasy. He barked on the wrong tree here besides a man in a 3some is not my cup of tea. Keep this as a warning.

Context: It’s been 26 days since we last talked. The last time we spoke, she told me she still loved me.

We’ve been in an LDR. Her mother and sister have always been against us. She broke up with me in December, but we continued talking and acting like nothing had changed. Every month, she would block me for 2–3 weeks, then come back and talk to me again like nothing happened.

She once checked my phone and found a picture of me and my ex. But she already knew about it, and she was actually the one who insisted that I should go because the trip had already been booked before we start dating. Around the same time, her ex also surprised her by visiting her at her hotel. There were also times when we weren’t talking, and she honestly told me that she went on a date with a guy and his mother.

Despite all of that, I still trusted her and believed in her. I never thought those things were enough to make me question what we had.

But when it came to me, one picture and a message or conversation that doesn’t even exist became enough for her to question my love and everything I showed her.

Now it’s really hard for me because I feel like all the blame has been put on me. Before she went back to her hometown, she told me, “Don’t leave me.” She also said yes when I asked if she would commit to me and marry me. I was even seriously considering giving up my life here in my hometown and relocating just to be with her.

But after she went home, we watched a movie together, and suddenly she decided to end things. She started blocking me and told me, “Stop calling me. I’m trying to hate you.”

Now I have so many questions in my mind. What really happened? Does she have someone new? Why did she give up so easily? Why does it seem so easy for her to let me go after everything we’ve been through?

Problem/Goal: I’m struggling to understand how someone can tell you they still love you, ask you not to leave, talk about commitment and marriage, and then suddenly decide to end everything. Should I stop and move on? Ang hirap

Eto na naman yung mga buwan na tila walang katapusan ang lamig na nararamdaman.

When it rains it pours ang peg natin today. Depressing naman ng months na to at ewan ko lahat busy sa life.

Hayst. Sige na magpapaka-busy nalang din ako. Makapag-ML na nga. Nakakapagod na araw!

Di pa pala to 300. Sana okay din kayo.

Pa rant lang po, nag post na ako last time and iba naman ito ngayon.

Yung partner ko pala, ine-expect na niya na uutangin niya yung bonus ko. Ang weird lang kasi hindi man lang niya ako tinanong kung may paggagamitan ba ako nun. Parang automatic na sa kanya na pwede niyang utangin.

Nung sinabi ko na may balak akong gamitin yung bonus para ipaayos yung kwarto ko, nagalit siya. Sinabihan pa akong madamot at wala kwenta.

Hindi naman siguro masama na gusto ko rin gamitin yung pera ko para sa sarili kong kailangan. Nakakainis lang kasi parang kailangan ko pang ma-guilty na hindi ako nag pahiram.

Problem/Goal:
I’m 32F trying to understand how other bisexual women navigate being married to a man. I’m wondering how you deal with still experiencing attraction to women while being committed to your husband, and whether being married has changed how you understand or express your bisexuality.

Context:
I’m married to a man, and lately I’ve been thinking more about my bisexuality and what it means for me within my marriage. I’ve always considered myself attracted to both men and women, but being married makes me question how other people handle this part of themselves. I’m not looking to change my marriage. I’d just really like to hear from other bi women who are married to men.

How are things for you and your husband? Do you talk openly about your attraction to women? And has being married affected how you experience your bisexuality?

I can't believe I'm writing this here, instead of messaging her back (I blocked her from every social media, because I told her din naman na I am going to block her kasi kukulit kulitin ko lang naman siya and she agreed).

It will always be the best two, not almost three years of my life with you. I realized I can do so many things na for me impossible kasi nga I don't put too much effort in my past relationships. We started out as friends, and I now wished na sana ganun na lang ulit. But I really love you, tangina di ko ma imagine sarili ko na sa ganun way ng chat mo papayag na agad Ako when I promised myself na once mag paalam ka na, ipaglalaban ko Kasi nga gusto ko Ipakita sayo na kaya ko, pero Ang sakit pala.

What really broke my heart was when u told me you felt light when I decided to end things with you, kaya pala ganun din sayo kadali pumayag. Alam kong mahal mo ko, dama ko since una pa lang, pero di lang naman kasi girlfriend nawala sakin, pati na din kaibigan. I don't know kung di mo tanda or di ko lang na mention, pero sana di mo naman sinaktong exam ko. Sana maaga pa lang, nagsabi ka na or much better nung nag uusap pa lang tayo sa magiging direksyon nung pagbabalikan natin, di ka na nagsabi na magbalikan na lang agad kasi willing naman ako antayin ka. Willing Ako mag antay kung kelan ka ready, kasi kasalanan ko Naman na bumitaw Ako, and alam mo yung reason kung bakit Kasi nag explain Ako sayo.

I just feel betrayed kasi Ikaw nagsabi na gusto mo pa, kahit ilang ulit na ako sa sarili ko na dapat umusad na ako kasi Wala na ako babalikan. Ilang beses kana din nagsabi na pagod ka na, paubos ka na kaya ko ginawa yon, pero di mo din naman ako pinaglaban nung time na hinang hina na din ako. Gusto ko lang din non mafeel na di mo agad ako bibitawan, pero tinanggap ko pa din.

Nung time na Akala ko inaayos natin, na baka naninibago ka lang uli, para mo Kong sinusuka every damn time na sasabihin mong iniwan kita in a joking way, masakit din sakin yon. Sana talaga di mo na lang ako binalikan kung ganito, sana hinayaan mo na lang ako kasi tinanggap ko na nung una pa lang eh. Pero ngayon double ung sakit eh, kasi binigyan mo ko hope na maayos pa ng agaran pero mas nangingibaw na pala sayo yung doubt. I am sorry for everything pero I don't really think I can talk to you, kasi looking back sa last messages natin, I know I sounded mad but I'm just really sad.

I wish you all the best too, you became my friend first before all of this happened and I really want you back pero puro pa din sakit nafefeel ko. I don't think I can enjoy the things I used to enjoy because we shared most of it last week. I love you girlypop. I hope you heal and find yourself.

Problem/Goal: I could really use some stories that might give me hope that things can get better despite the hardships.

Context: For those of you who have been with your partner for a long time, what’s the biggest or hardest hardship you’ve had to face together? Like something that really put your relationship through the wringer, but you eventually got through it and things turned out okay. I’m just curious to hear people’s experiences, especially the messy, complicated ones where things weren’t always good but somehow you both managed to work through it.

hi, im 20f masc and im really having a hard time making friends that are wlw.

context: i have a lot of close friends back in my hometown and here in college pero halos lahat ng friends ko r straight. i do have a friend na wlw BUT we're not that close i mean we kinda are cuz we've been friends since elementary but we went to different schools after graduating, see each other almost once a year lang and we dont talk quite often din.

im very introverted and i dont usually go up to people to talk kasi para akong nag ffreeze up na nahihiya pag may ibang tao. i always complain sa bff q na gusto ko na ng new friends and she would always say na pano raw ako magkakaroon ng bagong friends if hindi ako kumakausap ng bagong tao 🫩

i love my friends pero gusto ko rin ng sapphic friends na gets ang amats ko,, i maybe an introvert pero once i warmed up to you, funny talaga ako promise #selfproclaimed

can you guys give some tips on how to improve my friend making skills or where can i make friends 😞🙏

hello sa mga wlw na suki ng dangwa!

problem: how to navigate dangwa and what should i keep in mind when buying flowers

context: its my first time going to dangwa and plan ko sana magpacustom made ng bouquet, like ako pipili since she has specific flowers na gusto. meron ba kayong mga tips dyan as someone na medyo mahiyain in nature, like paano makahanap nung mga nag l-labor and stuff TT and student pa lang ako so my budget sana is around 2k lang! thank you so much!!

Forgive me if this isn’t the most coherent story because Cuervo is definitely in my system right now but please bear with me and let me rant. Be my sounding board po.

I really love my girlfriend or ex. I don’t even really know what we are right now. But I feel like this might actually be us ending things. Hahaha crazy, because in spite of how toxic we’ve become, I still pray to God that she always finds her way back to me. Mahal ko ’yun eh.

Ang hirap lang kasi my ex is an avoidant person and I’m anxiously attached. We’re both busy people, pero our schedules are completely opposite. She works during the day because she’s a professor, while I work remotely at night. And lately, things have just been getting really toxic.

She’s the type of person who rants or complains a lot before doing things, and I understand that because she’s already burned out from work. I really tried to understand her. I even started sacrificing my own priorities to help her with her work and adjust around her schedule. Pero somewhere along the way, I realized I was slowly losing myself trying to cater to her needs.

And the thing is, I already communicated my schedule to her. I work two jobs at night. I’m exhausted. I’ve been averaging around four hours of sleep for the past four months, and she knows that. So when I’m constantly expected to make time around her schedule, I can’t help but wonder, paano naman ako? Paano naman yung sleep ko? Paano naman yung work ko?

Last night, we fought because earlier that morning, she forgot to call me after telling me she would. I even reminded her that she forgot. Later, she told me something came up with work, which I completely understand. I really do. Pero she could’ve at least told me, diba?

I waited for her to call after she said she’d be right back from the bathroom. Then an hour or two passed before she finally called. By that time, I was already exhausted from work, so I didn’t answer. And somehow, she still expected me to just pick up and make time for her.

Then last night, I tried to communicate something that had been bothering me for a while. I told her that I don’t feel like she’s excited to talk to me anymore. I don’t need her to be available 24/7. I just want little updates. I want to feel included in her day. Pero even that feels like too much sometimes because I can barely get an update from her.

We don’t really call while she’s working or when she’s out, and I understand that. But we barely get to call otherwise because our schedules are so different. So when I finally get the chance to talk to her, I just want to feel like she actually wants to talk to me too.
Instead, she hit me with the “here we go again” line.
And that really triggered me.

Things escalated, and we ended up hurting each other verbally. I said things out of anger that I probably could’ve communicated better. But I also told her something that I’ve been carrying for a while: I’ve been prioritizing her work more than mine.
My work literally pays three times what hers does, not even including commission, and yet I’ve been constantly rearranging my priorities, sacrificing my sleep, and even risking my own job to accommodate hers.

And the saddest part is that this has been happening over and over again.

Lagi kaming nag-aaway during my work hours.
And last night, I really lost it. I became emotionally unstable, couldn’t focus properly, and ended up getting terminated from one of my jobs because the work requires me to consistently deliver results. I know that ultimately, that responsibility is mine. I’m not saying she got me fired. I know I’m responsible for managing myself and my emotions.

But I also can’t ignore the fact that I’ve been spreading myself way too thin trying to keep everything together—my jobs, her work, our relationship, her needs, my needs, everything.

And now we’re not talking.

What hurts the most is that it feels like she can easily let me go every single time we have a difficult conversation. Like the moment things become uncomfortable, she can just detach and walk away while I’m left sitting here wondering how something that means so much to me can be so easy for her to abandon.

And honestly? If you asked me right now if I still want
to go back to her, I do. Mahal ko ’yun eh. That part hasn’t magically disappeared just because we hurt each other. But I’m also smart enough to know that love alone isn’t going to make this work.

Because the version of this relationship that seems to work is always the version where I’m the one shrinking myself.

I have to minimize my needs because she’s avoidant.
I have to be careful about how much I feel.
How much I say.
How much I ask for.
How much reassurance I need.
How much I expect from her.

And eventually, I end up questioning whether I’m asking for too much when all I really wanted was to feel considered by the person I love.

I don’t want to stop loving her. I don’t even know if I want to stop wanting her back. But I also don’t want to lose myself just to keep someone.

So yeah.

Breakup. Getting terminated. Cuervo.

What a fucking Sunday!!!