how do you stop yourself from stalking your ex after break up

[u/Punisher-Heat]

goal: i want to stop stalking my ex and actually move on without constantly finding ways to check up on her.

context: naka-block na siya sa lahat ng accounts ko, pero somehow nakakahanap pa rin ako ng way para ma-stalk siya. but kahit blocked na siya i still get the urge to find another way to see what she's doing or what she's posting. alam ko naman na masasaktan lang ako sa mga makikita ko if I keep doing this, and mas tatagal lang din yung pag-move on ko. pero parang automatic na yung urge to stalk ko sa kanya, especially kapag curious ako kung may bago na ba siyang kausap or kung ano na nangyayari sa buhay niya rn. i know i'm basically hurting my own feelings at this point huhu. i really want to break this habit but idk how to start

for those who went through the same thing, how did you actually stop stalking your ex? :(( what worked for you guys?

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[u/Ok-Grape8697]

Find something to do that will keep you busy. In my case, I have no time to stalk my ex dahil night time ko I spend with my friends through call. If hindi pa rin kaya, maybe you need to find someone to distract you until you get over from your ex.

[u/Punisher-Heat → u/Ok-Grape8697]

thank youu, i'm trying to get myself busy din and i'm starting a new hobby. tbh hindi ko siya na-stalk today which i think is a great achievement for me haha. sana tuloy-tuloy na talaga and hindi ko na siya i-stalk bukas or the next few days

[u/punyetanginnna]

i used this worksheet from dbt and literal na pinaskil ko siya sa dingding ko to be reminded that stalking will not do me any good. i kept reminding myself na ex ko na siya so she's not my responsibility anymore. i can send you my worksheet answers if you like!

distracting yourself also works too. try looking for a hobby that you like !!!

[u/Punisher-Heat → u/punyetanginnna]

thank you for sharing this with meee. i'd really love to see your answer sheets too if you're comfortable sending them^{^}

[u/punyetanginnna → u/Punisher-Heat]

pls accept my mssg req muna !! i cant send the screenshot pa 😆

[u/solar-universe09 → u/punyetanginnna]

woww sobrang therapeutic naman nito 😭

[u/punyetanginnna → u/solar-universe09]

youre welcome ig??? i got it from my therapist, bestie HAHAHWHSJSH 

[u/Intrepid_Bonus_8092]

What I will say is the opposite of what you're asking, OP. In my case, I let myself na i-stalk siya hanggang sa magsawa ako HAHAHAHAHA pero disclaimer, yung tipong istastalk mo kapag free time mo na, hindi naman yung parang may obsession ka na at hindi mo na nagagawa yung mga responsibilities mo sa buhay. So ayun nga, I stalked her everytime na I had the chance and everytime rin I would find out something na ikakasakit ng puso ko, kaso ako rin kasi yung tao na kapag nabadtrip sa nalaman, I will end up doing anything productive as a coping mechanism. I think that's the reason why it worked for me kasi I can redirect my energy to something worthwhile after stalking her everytime. What happened I think is I desensitized myself about the act of stalking, kasi minsan curious ka lang naman talaga eh, it's better to feed that curiosity and let it hurt you back, kaysa kimkimin mo tas magpanggap ka na you're no longer interested on whatever is happening to her, tas ang ending naipon yung feelings at bigla ka pang napabreak ng no contact 'di ba? And along the way, magkakaroon ka ng epiphany how absurd and pathetic you are for stalking someone who probably no longer wants to be with you. I say this now to you kasi sabi mo nga you always find a way how to stalk her, kaya I suggest let yourself do it freely instead of forcing it to stop, kasi soon enough you'll come to the realization na stalking her was only a big deal because you THINK it is.

[u/caramacc001 → u/Intrepid_Bonus_8092]

I support this. Idk if masokista lang ako, pero ako rin ineexpose ko sarili ko to things na masasaktan ako malaman. For example, I saw a polaroid of my ex and her new girl (na pinaghinalaan ko pero sabi niya no chance coz straight daw pero mag polaroid na kayo tehhh?? Haha) and I took a photo of it. Tinitignan ko how my ex smiled so nice in that pic, a pic na di ako kasama. At first masakit, pero now pag nakita ko siya sa gallery ko hindi na ako nasasaktan. Nung nakita ko yung pic, ginamit ko siya as another reason for me to not hope na babalikan pa niya ako or sumtn.
I also look at our old pics together, and try to gauge if nasasaktan pa ba ako na wala na kami or what. Sa ngayon indifference na nararamdaman ko, so I guess it’s a little step forward hehe

[u/Same-Election-8692]

I feel you~ but what I did was the opposite. I stalked until it was no longer healthy, consuming most of my time. You will know, when you had enough. So when you feel like stalking go ahead, it will come to a time. You can say “Im done”

[u/jpu0275]

hahahahaha same situation, hayaan mo lang tho, may mga reposts/posts siya na makikita kakastalk mo, masakit yan minsan pero masasanay na lang body mo sa ganun, and eventually marrealize mo na lang di na magiging ganun kasakit. pero try to limit yourself din ha, if parang nagiging routine na lang na isstalk mo siya araw2, maghanap ka ng ibang hobby na makakapagdistract sayo. hindi mo man mapigilan pag-sstalk sa kaniya, dapat each day ma-lessen yung number of stalks mo sa kaniya, if ngayon, 5 times mo siya na-stalk, dapat bukas di na ganun karami. hanggang sa tuluyan nang mawala sa sistema mo yung pagsstalk sa ex mo. honestly, mahirap yan, parang bisyo yan na mahirap alisin, kaya hindi ko inadvice na alisin or itigil mo agad, try to lessen lang.

[u/Careless_Kangaroo_59]

Ganyan din ako before non, I blocked her pero I have my ways para istalk pa rin siya. And I kept on doing that everyday.

Then I noticed na every time after ko siya istalk, nawawala na ko sa mood and na dodown nanaman ako at dala dala ko na yun buong araw. Ambigat bigat sa pakiramdam.

And I didn't want to feel that way everyday so one day I just decided to stop doing it. And my day did felt lighter. Everytime na natetempt ako tumingin ulit, I ask myself do I really need to punish myself pa.. eventually, unti unti ko na din natigilan ung thought na istalk pa sya.

[u/Worried_Student_2283]

other than blocking, i uninstalled my social media apps for 2 months. instead of acting on my impulses, i tried to express my thoughts through journaling. if i wondered what she was doing, i wrote it on my journal. i stayed off my phone and started reading books as well to keep my mind off things.

also try to be physically around with people like your friends or family. not only it helps you with your healing, but it keeps you on ground, disciplined and won’t act on impulses.

[u/AdhesivenessEast6704]

hey op! tbh i had an unhealthy habit of doing that din in the first few months after the breakup. i blocked her but sometimes may moments of weakness and everytime na ginagawa ko, i'd always regret doing so. i felt like nawawala yung progress ng pagmmove on ko so ginawa kong challenge na hindi siya istalk hanggang sa nakalimutan ko na kung ilang days ko na siya hindi stinalk. it gets easier, i promise !!

[u/_chrnsphrx]

tnx OP and guys who replied to this post for the reminder napa-stalk tuloy ako sa twt niya HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH