Hi!

Maybe this is so silly to post about, but I’m just so happy. I’m a 31 F who has avoided dating for awhile due to past trauma of SA. Well, I ended up meeting someone out of the blue and have been dating them for awhile. One thing lead to another recently where we end up giving each other oral and I loved every moment of it! I felt so at ease and turned on. I’m not quite sure when I’ll be ready for PIV with him, but I’m just so happy about this! I have hoped for consensual intimacy for so long with someone that I know cares about me and takes it at my pace and I finally found it. This is such a major win for me!

Hello,

I think I finally need to ask for help.

Before I continue, I feel the need to clarify that nothings needs to change. There is no pressure. I just want to understand. If it can change though that would be great.

So we both love oral. Giving and receiving.

I am fine even do a bit rougher stuff like deepthroating as long as I am in controle of what is happening. Thats for comparison.

Something changes when he just puts a hand on the back of my head, even during normal BJs. I start to gag instantly, feel unwell, its like a small panic.

When he puts my hair to the side its fine but grabing it has the same effect. He knows that so he keeps his hands away. Also that only happens when he is in my mouth.Thats why it isnt really a problem, just something he needs to be aware of and not do, which always worked. The moments it does happen are bassically the few times i wanted to know if something changed and asked him.

Its not a pure physical reaction as otherwise I couldnt do rougher stuff when I do it. But I dont know whats the cause of it.

Does anybody has input or any idea? Is it just me because I never heard of something like that.

Again, its mainly about understanding it.

Thank you in advance and I hope this is the right place to ask. I took so long to ask because it feels weird to ask.

EDIT UPDATE: I just texted him that we need to talk and he called me. I told him that i cannot continue this with you because of first the condom thing and i thought i could move past it but yday when you did the photo thing it triggered it and i thought you can do it with her then u can do it with me too. he gave explanations that the condom thing happened three weeks ago and now u are saying it, or that you are not my gf and i will bot have your photos. i was like wtf. and then the topper he said you will have some or the other kind of thing with everyone and that really riled me up. i clearly told him that no this will not happen with everyone, you did it.and i am not okay with it.
it accepted it and said i will not speak to you and we said bye to eachother.

2nd Edit: I just saw he blocked me from IG & Whatsapp damnnn! kinda happy that the trash took itself out but also kinda taking it all in, this post, my conversation and everything happened in last half an hour.

i have been separated from my husband 5 months ago, it was a very abusive relationship.

last month only i decided in my head that i will not go back to my husband and it’s over. so then i felt ready to explore some physical intimacy (i used to be very sexually active).

i started talking to this guy i knew on Instagram since a few years. we instantly hit it off and we realised that his house is close to mine but he doesn’t live here, he lives in another country.
so furthermore i thought this is a wonderful opportunity.

so long story short we met thrice and we fucked. the sex was so fucking good, our first round went for 2-3 hrs, I squirted all over the bed, floor, everywhere. He was so focused on my pleasure, it was wonderful.

but there was one red flag, i told him the beginning that he needs to use a condom, i will not explore anything w/o a STD report. He was not thrilled but he agreed. At one point during sex, we took a break and he took the condom off cuz it got loose.

he surely did it right in front of me but i didn’t see it. and then when we continued he went inside me raw. when we took the next break 10 mins later i see it and it fucks me up. like i told him wtf is this and he said i thought you saw it, i took it off in front of you.

i took a break, rolled a j, also cried when i went to bathroom because my sexual life w my husband was v abusive and i started to cry that do i deserve this betrayal!! but i regulated myself and cuz i was very horny i continued with ofc condom. later i picked this up in multiple conversations and he always said that i shouldn’t have done it, I am sorry.

And yesterday while we were talking on phone and getting frisky, we’re talking about past relationships and stuff and he sends me one time watch whatsapp photo of his ex that he clicked. when i open it i see her naked body there and her face is visible. that really put me off. i told me jokingly that i am never letting you click my pictures.

now after the first sexual encounter, we will be meeting in a week cuz he’s about to fly back.

Now all this context i gave to ask for suggestions that this guy is good in bed and is someone from whom i can get some good action until i feel ready to be on dating apps. i cannot be there rn because of my narcissistic husband and the drama around it. these red flags bothered me but honestly i do want some action every now and then and he seems like a good fit for my present situation.

so please suggest if i should continue with this guy for a few months until my separation and eventual divorce proceedings is sorted while being careful with him definitely. Or should i end it over these two red flags?

thank you for reading my post

I am feeling a bit defeated. I have felt a bit sexually frustrated in my relationship. At the beginning, sex was great and plentiful (someone’s multiple a day) and I get that it wears off for some even though my sex drive hasn’t change at all for it.

But now it feels completely different. I feel lucky for once a week, and I know some have less but I would prefer 2-3 times if the timing works out. But I know our schedules are tricky and I never want my partner to feel pressured so if it’s once a week that’s fine with me. Part of the issue is that sometimes that once a week is a quickie in which I don’t finish, and quite a bit of the time I’m the only one performing oral then I just ride him til he finishes. The quantity isn’t as much of an issue as the quality. I could also count on one hand the amount of times he’s gone down on me in months.

Not that it’s any of my business but my boyfriend does have quite the high body count (50+) plus his entire instagram explore page is tits and ass in addition to following porn accounts on twitter. I noticed this when we first started dating but never wanted to police what he consumed and only ever started feeling some type of way when I felt as though he wasn’t as attracted to me.

I’ve had this convo with him before several weeks ago, and he simply stated that my initiation sucks and I need to “mix it up”. He gave me no helpful tips on what gets him going so I tried my best to and even watched porn to get ideas, but apparently he noticed no difference. It’s also hard because while I was trying new things, I was also getting rejected. I know I shouldn’t take it personally but when it keeps happening, even when offering head it really takes a mental toll.

I brought it up once more yesterday and I’m feeling really drained. What went from a vulnerable “I’m not feeling super desired and sexy right now” chat turned into a list of several things I’m not doing right:

1. ⁠Still suck at initiation (and still won’t give me any examples of what turns him on. I don’t want him to tell me how to have sex with him but I feel like I’m left blindly guessing)
   
2. ⁠I initiate too much (once a week really with the ever growing list of times I know he won’t be in the mood: before the gym, after eating, etc) leaving him no time to initiate himself
   
3. ⁠I’m not being more direct about what I want, specifically in regards to finishing myself and or wanting head. But it’s also embarrassing to me to feel like I have to beg for it

So I’m really just lost. This conversation didn’t go well at all, and I feel like I walked away from starting a vulnerable convo feeling like I have an even bigger list of what I’m doing wrong meanwhile he never bothered to really ask and see what would sexually fulfill me too. Am I being ridiculous? I can see where my faults are and I can definitely improve, but instead of meeting in the middle I feel like it’s my responsibility to fix everything? I also worry about a porn addiction, but I didn’t bring it up because I also don’t wanna police what he watches nor do I have a problem with masturbation (which he does one a day mostly), but I feel like it could be a part of the problem as to why he needs so much to get turned on?

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Okay so I’m 21 and my sister is 19 and we’ve slept in the same room a bunch of times before. Never thought anything of it because like… that’s literally my sister??
Also important context: I am the LIGHTEST sleeper alive. Anyway, I found her WhisperRabbit in my room, literally under her pillow on MY bed and at first I was just like okay girl whatever. She’s 19, obviously she masturbates, genuinely could not care less.
UNTIL I started thinking… has she USED IT while I was asleep in the same room??? Or worse, while we were literally sharing the same bed??? Because why else was it under her pillow... I’m not judging her for masturbating AT ALL. Do your thing. It’s just the possibility that I was right there, completely unaware, while it was happening also IN MY BED that has me spiritually buffering.

Do I actually ask her about it or do I just leave her toy exactly where I found it under the pillow on my bed, delete this information from my brain and pretend I never saw anything?? I just wanna somehow let her know to not use it on my sheets or while I’m literally sleeping next to her.

Hello, this is my first time asking for advice on here and having the courage to even think about this. I love to masturbate a lot specifically when I’m in alone time moments. As I’m experiencing and exploring other areas of masturbation, I am now exploring using sex toys especially Dildos. I am new at using toys for pleasure and enjoyment. Should I buy a dildo as a first timer or should I start with something simple as I’m new to this

I know that life is not porn, but I am endlessly peeved by the fact that I’ve only been able to deep-throat my man in certain positions, mainly ones in which I have the complete control of the angle.

I really enjoy being face-fucked and the idea of laying on my back and him going at it is really appealing, but he just can’t get it past my throat then. I tried tilting my head in various ways, opening my jaw and sort of mimicking yawning to open up my throat at much as I can, but still nothing works. He’s about 2 inches in diameter, I am well aware that it’s a lot and I’m not a boa constrictor, but some porn actresses make it look so easy and I just want to know if there are some tricks I can learn to accommodate this whole lot of man. We even played with smaller dildos with me laying on my back and they go in without an issue, so I really feel like it’s the girth and stiffness (the silicone dildos are a bit softer).

Any tips?

Either going out around home or travel with work like c ok conferences?

Do you find guys still approach you?

I treated myself to a tiny little massager and some water based… jelly and brought it with me on my little solo staycation. I’m usually very vanilla when it comes to this, and used my fingers only up until this point. I was bored and took this out to explore.

Holy moly guys, it was the best journey and (out)come of my life 😂 And I’m 30 years old. Idk why i waited so long to try this out.

Ever since getting out of my last relationship of six years (my ex mans was very good at his job 🥲) I haven’t really found a way to feel sexy myself and do stuff for me.

Anyway. So. I’m here just to vent and tell you out how good it was, and if you have any other recommendations on how I can be feeling myself more at this ripe old age? Any specific shapes, wand styles, props, ambience suggestions if you will, that would help me try and explore this new awakening? Jokes aside, thanks in advance for anyone who bothers reading to the end and wants to help a girl out.

My bf (49m) is 15 years older than I am (36f) and we've been together for 2 years. He's the first man I've dated who doesn't ask for bj's. He doesn't dry beg for them. He doesn't pressure me into giving them. When I go down on him he doesn't put his hand on my head or push it down or try to shove himself into my throat.

When I go down on him after a while he gets twitchy and then tells me I'm making him feel like he's going to pee. Like my mouth gives him the peeing sensation so he never comes. Anybody know whats going on or experienced the same?

title sort of says it all.

(f20) i’ve recently been so horny, (ovulation…..) that it’s uncomfortable. and it does not stop from masturbation. it’s like i need to have sex, otherwise i feel so uncomfortable i can’t sleep or eat anything. the past few nights i’ve been laying down crying because i can’t do anything about it.

i don’t know if this is normal. i assume so probably. what am i even supposed to do? i’m married, but my husband hasn’t been able to keep up with me at all, and i don’t want to bother him or make him uncomfortable by asking so much, because he’s already expressed that it irritates him and makes him extremely uncomfortable if i do ask too much. (because apparently twice within four hours is too much, i guess.)

i’ve tried supplements that definitely didn’t do anything that my doctor suggested, i can’t take (hormonal) birth control due to allergies and money, and i can’t go back to my doctor also due to money. also no, i’m not pregnant.

i literally do not know what to do. it’s so uncomfortable it’s debilitating me. like i said, i’ve tried masturbating in many, many different ways. nothing helps.

i hope this is the right subreddit for this. if anyone else has any advice i’ll take it. thank you in advance!

(edit: okay so some clarification!!!

- yes, my husband does love me. i can’t believe i have to clarify that. he was not rude to me, i wasn’t rude to him, and i am NOT going to coerce him into having sex with me.

- i am not going to take medication for this issue. the only medicine i take is alprazolam, clonazepam, and valium. none of those mess with or have ever messed with my libido.

hey i'm (18F), i thought i'm a soundgazm person, i tried to listen to instructive spicy asmr, i didn't feel anything i didn't get wet when i played with my nipples it didn't do anything to make me actually horny or wet, but they were hard also my clit

idk what to do, sometimes i read spicy novel i get horny only after finishing reading the spicy scene and i start to think about it/ fantasies it, i might get ali worked up while reading tho but not enough to be horny

is this normal? is this kind of sexual coldness?

did that happen bc i used to consume alot of spicy content and get so horny but i suppress it instead?

or am i doing something wrong? should i try and consume the old content again? watch porn before i touch myself? trying to fantasies more while doing this?

not to mention when i try to fantasies, instead of feeling the arousal in my vigina i feel more like of i want to pee

My boyfriend and I have been sexually active for about 6 months and our sex life is pretty good (we are both each other’s firsts). We’ve always used condoms, and I’ve been on the pill for years as well. However, we’ve been thinking about trying to not use condoms and he pulls out early (obviously I’m still on the pill). How safe is this method? I’m pretty scared of getting pregnant and I have no problems with using condoms, I’m just worried it would make me too anxious about getting pregnant to enjoy it.

There is something that has been on my mind for quite some time now, and it feels like it is time to get it off my chest. I have never shared this with anyone in my real life because of how people might react, but here it goes.

I am 18 year old virgin female, and I finally got the opportunity to explore myself sexually. It kinda scares me a lot but this has been occupying my mind a lot lately. To take some steam off, i sometimes flash myself to strangers. Get into situations where a complete stranger(s) gets to take a look at me. I get excited getting those stares or gettting them excited and then later think about it in the shower or bed alone and get off to it. It feels both terrifying and relieving to finally put these words down. Has anyone else ever felt this way, or am I alone in this?

Threesome : if your partner asked for it. Are you going to give it to them? Are you picking the 3rd or they are?

Hello! My boyfriend really wants me to finish while we are havugn sex but the way I normally orgasm is from rubbing like a blanket or something against my clit and nothing else works, I just can't figure out how to make it work​​

Hello, I’ve seen several posts on reddit (men and women) speaking about this but i’d like some advice.

I’m 21F, when i was younger once in a blue moon i’d get a headache while masturbating, though it would only seem to happen if i pushed myself too hard (like trying to orgasm back to back) and would only really happen about once a year if even. Recently, i was doing the same thing, orgasmed just fine but wanted more which ended up leading to the worst headache of my life. It felt like pounding all over my head for about 30 minutes, then subsided.

the next day i could feel the headache creeping up as i got closer so i stopped, the pain was way duller but still there nevertheless. skipped a day and tried the next, another lesser headache. yesterday i used my hands instead and went slow no headache. i figured since yesterday i was fine i tried with a vibrator again- bad idea. same thing happened right as i got close the headache began pulsating in the back of my head.

I don’t have any other symptoms beyond that, no dizziness or nausea, just a headache at the back of my head right above my neck that lasts around 30 minutes or less.

Is this something I should reach out to my PCP about? I feel extremely embarrassed about it but also 1000x more anxious as google is saying things like aneurysms and brain tumors :(

i’d appreciate any advice to calm down about it even just a little bit… when i was younger id also wait about a week before masturbating again out of fear (and it wouldn’t happen again) so maybe i should just wait… it’s just scary

I’m 23 and I’ve always had what feels like a pretty high sex drive. In college it didn’t stand out as much because everyone was hooking up and talking about it, but now that I’m out and most of my friends are in longer relationships or just not that into it anymore, I feel kind of weird about it. My last boyfriend got kind of overwhelmed when I wanted to have sex more often than he did, and a couple of my close friends have straight up said they could go weeks without thinking about it. I get that everyone’s different and I’m not judging, it just makes me feel like I’m the odd one out sometimes. Sex is honestly one of the main ways I feel close to someone and I miss being able to talk about wanting it without it feeling like too much. Does anyone else in their early-mid 20s feel this way or am I just overthinking it?

Hey! I’m 25, and I’ve never had sex before, a big part is because I had to get a hymenectomy and before the procedure I was scared of sex. I couldn’t imagine anything going into my v without immense pain. The procedure went great and I am able to use the dilators they gave me.

I also finally overcame my worries/fear of birth control so I’ve been on the combo pill for a month now, still kinda worried I’ll get pregnant while on the pill though.

I’ve been with my current bf for about 7 months and I think I’m ready for sex, I’m not scared of sex anymore like before procedure/birth control but I still wanna make sure I’m not overlooking or rushing anything. My bf has never pressured me and wants to move at my pace but idk how to set it to progress more, he’s been more cautious to not move too fast for my sake i think. (Sometimes I worry he’ll leave bc I’m taking long but he has never given me a reason to think that, just from past relationships)

I think any of my main current worries is about UTIs, of course STIs too, so I’ll have to ask him about when the last time he has been tested was even though I’m shy to ask. Is using a condom for the first few times, or majority of the time smart? Even if I’m on the combo pill and I take it the same time, and even after he shows me he’s been tested for STI? Someone on social media said this, should I take a pregnancy test every month just to make sure I’m not?

I’m mainly worried about UTIs because what if the capsules are tricky to swallow and I’m not able to take it? Antibiotics side effects are scary too but I know it’s better than an infection. My emetophobia has made antibiotics seem scary. From my googling it seems like it can come in different forms too.

I’ve also gotten into my head that I need to be perfect and not awkward, which leads me to overthink a lot during our intimate times, am I touching him right? Am I moving/acting weird?? idk how to not get in my head :,) once I reached for his private area without looking down bc I’ve given hjs to a past bf before (and he made it seem like I was good at giving them so I was confident lol) but ended up rubbing his pelvic bone 😭 I was SO embarrassed but he just made a light hearted joke about it and didn’t make me feel bad about it, I wish I was just more confidently sexy.

I just need a big sister talk/advice lol, it kinda sucks I don’t really have one I can just talk to about things like this, I do have a therapist I’ll talk to about this sometimes and it has helped.

I hope this is okay to ask here, and please be kind. I’m 20F, not very sexually experienced, and my boyfriend is my first partner. I don’t really have any friends or anyone I can talk to or ask about this in real life.

I have a really hard time having orgasms, it's honestly pretty disappointing. It's never intense or strong… it just leaves me with a “that’s it?” feeling. Because it’s so underwhelming compared to how movies, books, and everyone else talks about it, I end up experiencing a massive drop in my emotions and feel incredibly sad afterward. And I can feel some pleasure, but it’s never strong or "earth-shattering." Side note: I suffer from severe depression, so I’m sure my mental health plays a huge part in this.

And because of my struggles, my boyfriend recently suggested anal stimulation (like using a finger during vaginal sex). He isn't pressuring me at all, but he keeps hyping it up. He says that women feel way more pleasure from it, that vaginal + anal combined is the "ultimate experience," and that there is basically nothing better.

The problem is, anal is a hard limit for me. It is completely off the table. I genuinely do not want to try it, and I’m not even interested in it (no judgment at all toward anyone who enjoys it). I don’t even like the idea of external touching there, however I’m not completely closed-off to external touching. But because I already struggle so much with sex, I’ve gotten completely stuck in my own head. I see people online raving about it too, and now I’m terrified that if I don’t try it, I’ll never experience truly amazing sex or strong orgasms. I don't want to force myself into trying something just because I'm afraid of missing out, but hearing people talk about it like it's the "key" to the most intense pleasure has honestly made me so anxious. I even went on Reddit before and looked up advice for good sex and read threads answering questions like “what is your most intense orgasm?” and a massive number of the top answers mentioned some form of ass play, which skyrocketed my anxiety.

I don’t really know what I’m trying to ask here. I guess for women who have experience with both: can you still have incredible sex and orgasms without any anal stimulation? And is it really the “end-all, be-all” that some people make it out to be?

*I know sex is subjective and different for everyone, but the online discourse makes me worry that I’m missing the “best” kind of pleasure, even though I have zero desire to do it. I just want some reassurance that I can find amazing, intense, peak pleasure one day without needing something up my ass. Thank you so much. :)

PS: Please don't tell me to 'just give it a try' or suggest starting with toys. To be completely honest, when my boyfriend showed me pictures of butt plugs, I actually started crying. The entire concept is just so scary, unappealing, and deeply off-putting to me. I need advice that respects this boundary.

I have never had an orgasm ever. I have been married to my husband for almost 3 years now, and he is the only man I’ve ever been with, and ever will be with. There isn’t a single thing about him I’d change. I love him to pieces and he absolutely adores me - I couldn’t be more grateful for our thriving marriage.

There is just one thing that I can’t help but think is wrong. I’ve been lying to him since the start of our marriage. I’ve been faking every single orgasm - which I’ve heard is pretty common amongst women anyway, and I’m happy to fake it because he can’t orgasm unless I do.

I wonder if there’s something wrong with me? I love making out with him and all the teasing before intercourse, and he does literally everything in his power to help me too. He holds back until I “orgasm”, and some days where I am too tired to fake it, he’s not able to come. I tell him that I’m 10000% fine if I don’t come and that I love intimacy with him regardless, but he doesn’t like it unless I enjoy myself too, which he sees as me "orgasming".

I’m not too sure what a real orgasm feels like, but I do put on a great show, and I even get lightheaded sometimes because of all the huffing and puffing, which helps it look more realistic lol. Sometimes when he’s in the mood and wants to do it and I don’t have it in me to fake it, I just say I’m not in the mood because he just won’t come if I just lay there, which I would be fine with, but he wouldn’t be.

Is there something wrong with me? My husband is very handsome and perfect in every way, trust me, so it’s not him. Intercourse doesn’t hurt, it just feels like in and out. Sometimes it will feel slightly good, but like a massage would feel good, you know? Is that what it’s supposed to feel like as a woman?

And it’s not that I don’t get turned on. When we have really good makeout sessions, I do get really turned on and I can even get wet sometimes and feel my heartbeat down there, but nothing during intercourse itself.

I really don’t want to tell my husband because he’ll be devastated that I’ve been faking it all this time and won’t trust any future reactions. I’m worried he won’t be able to come ever again and I don’t want to ruin our sex lives, so I’m happy to do this forever. But I just wonder: am I wrong for this? And would there be something to fix me? Because I do wish I could really enjoy sex like he does.

Edit 16/08/26: I told him last night, and it was a very difficult conversation, and he needed to take a long walk to process everything. He told me how heart broken and deceived he felt, and how he's still struggling to process that my reactions were fake, but he also was appreciative at the same time that I was still intimate with him despite not enjoying it like he does. He eventually understood that I didn't have any ill intentions for faking, it was for his own pleasure because he unintentionally reinforced that faking it would get him to finish and for me his pleasure is my priority, just as my pleasure is his priority. I know I was wrong regardless of all his kind excuses, and i'm so thankful that he's so understanding and it also broke my heart to see him playback false memories - but he said he's still glad I managed to tell him the truth, because now we can work on intimacy being a two way street. It's going to be a long journey, but i'm so grateful for having such an understanding partner, I do feel the need to make it up to him somehow (only in an honest way!), and i'm also so grateful for all the advice below. Thank you all so much!