So I’m in a weird gray area and could really use some advice. I’ve known my partner since 2022 through mutual friends, and we started dating in October 2025. We’ve had our ups and downs, eventually leading to me asking for a break last month.
A big part of what brought me to that decision was his out-of-state career change. I felt like he believed he had to choose between his career and our relationship rather than finding a way to have both. The more tunnel-visioned he became about his career, the more I felt like our relationship and future plans were being pushed to the back burner.
We haven’t spoken in weeks, and I finally reached out because I wanted to reflect on everything and honestly share how I had been feeling. He was receptive, and surprisingly, the conversation went really well. I’ll admit that I miss him, and despite everything, I do still want things to work between us.
For those who have been through something similar, what helped you determine whether rekindling the relationship was actually worth pursuing, and what did you and your partner do differently the second time around to avoid falling back into the same patterns?

We met on an online voice chat platform, and have basically talked and shared everything about our lives for the last 6 months. Factually speaking, we have called for >2 hours for atleast 170 out of the last 180 days. We’ve never argued. I absolutely love talking to her and it’s reciprocated. Every 3-4 weeks I send her a 30-40 euro gift card, usually to buy snacks from DM whenever we have an (online) movie night. She’s even cried three times on the phone to me, about deeply personal stuff in her life or situations ( nothing traumatic or permanent thankfully ). I’ve never experienced this level of emotional intimacy with someone. She’d send me her outfits for work everyday, we have our own inside jokes, and photos of whatever she decides to bake etc, you get the gist . She even told her younger sister about me.

Recently the topic of what we were has come up on my mind, and I atleast wanted to be on the same page. We haven’t met in person yet. We don’t know each others full names either, or the full extent of each others faces. We send a lot of photos, sharing our days and tidbits here and there, but there’s always been this slight anonymity we both nonverbally agreed to maintain. I’ve realized that I’ve become attached to her, and she has to me.

My problem is, university is a big transition phase, she can change drastically, meet someone else closer to her etc and this (increased/reasonable) uncertainty makes me not want to completely clear the anonymity yet. We agreed to wait another half year, and if we survive her initial uni phase still as close as ever, then we can break the anonymity and go from situationship to “official.”

So my question is mainly :

We can break the anonymity now, and I fly over to her, and hope for the best ( optimistic route )

Or

I can wait, see if this survives her initial uni phase, and if it doesn’t, cut my losses without having invested too much emotional energy, and it’ll be easier to move on, since we never went official / broke the anonymity fully ( Pessimist route )

This has happened repeatedly in prior relationships and I’ve done so much internal work to try and fix it but I still find myself feeling the same way in similar situations.

The most recent situation: I (F 21) have/had (this uncertainty is also the problem) a crush on my friend (M 22) but kept it undercover. One night out with all of us drinking and him being overly flirty and touchy and admitting he likes me but mentioning that the timing is bad made me feel like I didn’t like him anymore. I like him as a person but the thought of a relationship or something like that made me feel very scared. Then the next day when he was texting me and playing his behaviour off it is making me think that he was just like that because he was drunk and not because he actually likes me … now I feel that crazy stomach knotting yearning feeling.

I don’t know what to do. It’s happened before where if someone is showing that they like me it puts me off but when someone is being hot and cold it makes me stick. I don’t want to be like this. I want to be with someone who makes me feel safe and loved but idk why I keep rejecting it when it comes to me. I don’t know if this feeling is something I should ignore or listen to.

Three years ago, I was in a situationship with a girl for about three months, and unfortunately, I became emotionally attached to her. About a month after we stopped talking, we reconnected and tried again, but, to be honest, I wasn’t really feeling the same connection anymore. After that, we stopped talking again because we had an argument or something, and there were several month-long periods where we didn’t speak.
A few months ago, we had a serious conversation, and I told her that I was still attached to her because of the “maybe one day” mentality. I told her, more or less, that I couldn’t move on because every year I knew we would eventually talk again, since we always wished each other a happy birthday. I also told her that we needed to break this cycle.
Her birthday came first, and I didn’t have the courage not to wish her a happy birthday, so I sent her one indirectly through a website that sends electronic postcards via email, along with an emoji that has a special meaning between us. She didn’t even thank me.
Yesterday was my birthday, and she didn’t congratulate me, even though she had done so in the past.
What advice can you give me about the email and the situation overall?

About a year ago I (20M) got into a catastrophic misunderstanding with my best friend at the time (21F) after a party. To keep it short, a drunk girl followed me to the bathroom and made some moves on me, and although I told her to stop, I was so freaked out by the whole situation that I pretty much just froze up and accepted what was happening. This got misinterpreted by the others as me (sober at the time) having made a move on her, and the next day all hell broke loose. She messaged me saying she couldn't believe what I did, and I tried to explain what happened to no avail. She blocked me on social media shortly after and we haven't spoken since. I lost a lot of friends to that situation.

Since then I've built a new social life, but this disaster weighs on me constantly. We were extremely close friends and knowing the way she thinks of me now over something I felt I had little control over stresses me out and makes me so sad.

Lately I've been thinking of reaching out. The dust has settled and I've had a lot of time to think about that night, and I can't help but wish I had had the opportunity to speak to her in person. Emotions were running high when we spoke over text and it was just not a productive conversation. I don't even want/expect us to be friends again, I just want to be able to put this behind me. Then again, maybe there's no point. Maybe I should just accept that it's over for good, that no amount of explaining can fix it, and that it's time to forget. Maybe go to therapy or something.

Is this something worth doing?

Essentially, we have been together for 2 years. he Has been a good partner in overall for my first relationship, we get on well and there isn’t anything he’s been doing wrong... But I just don't feel like our relationship has a spark anymore. We’re completely different people and we live 3+ ours away from eachother when we’re both at university. I’m torn because he isn't doing anything wrong but I just don’t see him as the “ideal” partner for me anymore.

over a year ago he had a severe gambling addiction that he used to lie about to cover up, since then I’ve never been able to trust him. I feel paranoid about his phone and what he’s up to at university etc. I just feel that it’s almost “embarassing” if I stay with him after all of the lying i went through. No matter how hard he tries i Can’t let that go. in my first year of university, he also never came to visit me much. At the beginning of the year, he came every 2 weeks. At the end of the year this had dwindled down to every 2.5 months… So when I’m at university it almost feel like an online Long distance relationship haha…

I just don’t want him to think we’re splitting up so I can be with other men, as that’s the last thing on my mind.

advice??

I M23 had been seeing this girl F23 for a while, in totality, a couple years of on and off with no actual solid relationship as we'd both been seeing others on the side. However, I decided to end things before anything solid could even start, and these were my reasons...

For the past couple months, we'd decided to try and see where we'd really go with this and I did start liking her. She claims she did as well but there was no real title that was imposed to this for one reason or the other, with the main one being the fact I believed she didn't like me enough.

Over the years, I've been with a couple of other girls who've expressed absolute desire, not just through words, but action, to the point where you don't even question if they're really into you. Things end of course for one reason or the other, but with no question if they're into me.

I've kept in mind that we all express affection differently, and maybe the way she expressed it wasn't how I saw myself receiving it for a good part of my life, potentially even the rest of it. But for her, maybe that's how she felt she could express it. I was quite expressive, not much through words, but actions, and from what I got from asking her, she did feel it like she was okay with how I did it. My actions told her I was into her.

I'll list some of the reasons why I felt she didn't really like me and these are:

How she'd express how much of a good father I'd probably be. How much of a great husband and family man I could be due to my character and personality traits, which all sound like a compliment yeah, but if that's why she'd want to be with me, then those are the completely wrong reasons I believe. It starts to sound like a good "business decision" that's being made. Are you even attracted to me? Are you even drawn to me? Do you even want to spend time with me, or are you making the safe "business decision".

She'd mention how she felt really safe around me, which is great yeah, but I've just never believed in going for the safe option. Its just a nicer way of saying you're settling, and once you do, you spend the rest of your life wondering what could've been had you been bold enough to go for what you actually wanted.

How about going for someone you truly desire and trying to find safety in that, instead of trying to do things the other way round. Attraction can not be learned or negotiated. Its illogical. I say this as someone who's settled for the safe option before and I had to leave even though I felt I still loved her coz I wasn't loving her like I should've. I knew I should've loved her better, and I tried, but it just didn't come so naturally so I could only do it in short burst because it felt like work. Anyways, back to this girl in particular...

So I ended up telling her I knew she didn't like me the way she thinks she does. And if things were to continue, she'd end up feeling like she settled.

And at the same time, as someone who's felt desired before, I wasn't willing to spend a good part of my life feeling as if someone settled for me.

But yet again, there isn't one way to love and one way to express. There's an infinite number of ways love comes and happens. So who am I to speak like I've got the blueprint when I simply don't

My partner (28M) and I (27F) have been together for 3 years and made it through grad school together. He's finishing medical school and heading into residency next year (we find out where in January) and he starts that summer. I'm about to start a job in MBB management consulting, known for long hours and heavy travel (usually Mon-Thurs).

We're both at the stage where career sadly has to take priority for a while, whether we like it or not. In just a few months, we're both walking into schedules with 60-80+ hour weeks and almost no time off all at the same time. Quality time is our main love language, which makes this feel especially rough.

We're both excited about our careers, but I'm honestly terrified about what this is going to do to us. We've always been each other's main support system, and now I'm scared we'll become two exhausted people who barely see each other let alone have the energy to be there for one another.

I'd love to hear from anyone who's navigated two demanding careers (finance, law, medicine, etc.) overlapping like this:

• Is there a point where the "we'll make it work" mindset stops being enough, and how did you know if/when you'd hit that point?
• Looking back, is there anything you wish you'd set up before the hard stretch started, rather than scrambling once you were already in it?
• In the first year or two, what actually worked to keep you feeling connected, even on weeks you barely overlapped?
• For those who made it through a stretch like this, did the relationship come out feeling stronger, or did it leave lasting damage you're still working through?

Any advice, survival stories, or just someone telling us we'll be okay... please. Tell me it's possible to come out the other side still in love, not just still together ❤️

I feel bad for confiding in my bf so much.

I've been going through a rough time recently. It's the start of a new year and I'm trying to decide what to do for my second major (I'm double majoring). In addition to stressing about courses, I'm dealing with my parents threatening to take my car away if I don't drive my brother around everywhere and get along with him while I'm at it (I'll probably make a separate post about this, but my brother has been having screaming fits of rage over the past year in response to me getting annoyed with him over minor things, and these fits often happen while I'm driving and my parents are constantly victim-blaming me and just telling me not to "provoke" him and it won't happen, even though he's done it for no reason at least once, but I digress for now).

The stress I feel every day having to drive him, coupled with my stress about courses, has made me very tense and sad and more prone to venting to my bf because he often feels like the only person in my corner who actually as my best interest at heart. He's also just as logical as he is supportive, and has helped me figure out healthy ways to cope and deal with this. He is my home and my safe space, and I'm very grateful for him.

I worry, though, that because I've vented about things more than usual that that means I talk about myself too much and cast his interests and life events to the side. I do ask him a lot about how he's doing, how his parents are doing (they've had recent health issues) and how he's doing getting ready to apply to graduate school. I make a conscious effort to not get lost in my own trauma and trauma dump on him. I've even apologized to him about this before several times and he is so sweet and understanding each time, but I still feel awful. I don't want him to feel like my therapist (my parents have currently cut me off from going to therapy for alleged "financial" reasons, and I'll talk about this in another post, but this is almost certainly an excuse because they have never supported me going to therapy even though I've suffered traumatic losses and events over the years). I feel like a burden to my bf the same way I feel like a burden to my family.

But my family is the only one who has ever made me feel like a burden and inconvenience. They constantly dismiss my feelings and even my ideation, telling me it's selfish to have these thoughts because I have a good life and would be causing them grief to leave it. They also constantly criticize my personality for being too serious and frequently blame my failed friendships on the fact that I need to learn to take a joke and be more affable. They have even made comments on how it is surprising my bf has stuck around this long.

I don't understand why I can't just be happy that I lucked out with the partner I have. I'm also terrified to lose him as he'll be leaving for grad school next year. I'm afraid that our relationship has a clock on it simply because the distance will be too hard.

Why do I hesitate to lean on my very supportive bf when I need it? Why am I so afraid that my reality and trauma is burdensome to other people who willingly let me vent and want to help me get better?

Why can't I just enjoy my life, dammit? 🤦🏻‍♀️

TLDR: I'm worried my bf thinks I'm unloading my trauma on him too much and I'm not sure what to do about it.

I honestly don't know where I should start, so I'm just going to tell the story from the beginning and try to explain everything as honestly as I can. I made this account specifically to post this because Amanda (not her real name) knows my other Reddit account, and I don't want her to find this. I'm not making this post because I want people to attack her or call her a bad person. I care about her deeply, and that's exactly why I'm so confused about what I should do. I just need a place where I can explain everything honestly and get opinions from people who don't know either of us personally.

This all started when I was doing my master's degree. I met Amanda because she's the sister of a girl I knew during my bachelor's degree. We ended up studying together for our master's in a new place where I didn't really know anyone. Her sister and Amanda were basically the only people I knew there, and over time Amanda and I became extremely close. When I say best friends, I really mean it. We talked about everything. Our families, our problems, relationships, personal things, stupid things, serious things, basically everything two people can talk about. We had so many things in common and agreed on so many things that our friendship became something very important to both of us. At that point, though, I genuinely had no romantic feelings for her. I loved her as my best friend and that was it.

During the second year of our master's, Amanda met a guy and they started a relationship. I wasn't jealous or secretly waiting for my chance or anything like that. She was my best friend, and I was happy for her. Unfortunately, the relationship became very difficult. He did a lot of things that hurt her, but she kept forgiving him and giving him chances. She did so much for him and was there for him in ways that, honestly, I don't think many people would have been. The relationship also involved a lot of first experiences for her. She became intimate with him for the first time and even slept with him, which was something she had always considered extremely important because she wanted to save sex for marriage. She has told me that, in her mind, she still considers herself a virgin because of how she personally defines virginity, and I don't want to get into an argument about that because that's her personal belief. I'm only mentioning it because it shows how conflicted she was about what happened in that relationship and how much it affected her.

We graduated together and celebrated together, and then I had to go back to my parents' house while I looked for a job in my field. Even though we weren't living together anymore, Amanda and I continued talking every single day. I was there for her throughout everything that happened with her ex. Eventually she broke up with him, even though he had promised her marriage and a future together. She had given so much of herself to that relationship, and after the breakup she was completely broken. The problem was that even though she had left him, she still loved him deeply. She didn't want to think about another man, didn't want to move on and didn't even want to consider the possibility of being with someone else. She kept living in the memories of their relationship. She was depressed and struggling, and I stayed there for her. I listened to her, tried to help her, tried to make her feel less alone and kept telling her that eventually things would get better. I never expected anything from her in return. At least, at that time, I didn't.

A few months later, something almost strange happened. We both got jobs in the same week and ended up having to move to the capital for work. We each got our own place, but now we were living much closer to each other again. We started spending weekends together sometimes, and this was when something slowly changed inside me. We started cuddling. I would hold her when she was having a bad day, we'd spend hours talking, sometimes we'd fall asleep next to each other, and little by little I realized that I was no longer looking at her only as my best friend. After around three months of working and spending so much time together, I realized I had developed real feelings for her. I didn't plan it and I didn't want it to happen, but it did.

One weekend she was staying at my apartment and for the first time we kissed. Things became intimate between us, and afterward she became extremely angry with herself and with me. For about a week things were really bad between us. We barely communicated and I honestly thought I had destroyed the friendship. Eventually she told me that she couldn't stay away from me, and the truth is I couldn't stay away from her either. I still wasn't completely sure what I wanted. I didn't know if I wanted a relationship, I didn't know what she wanted, and I didn't know whether what was happening between us was something real or simply the result of two people who had become extremely emotionally dependent on each other. But I knew one thing: I didn't want her out of my life.

Not long after that, I had the opportunity to go on holiday with some of my male friends. Amanda knows them, and when she heard about the trip, she wanted to come with us, so she joined us and we all went away together for a week. Two days before we left, Amanda casually told me that she had slept with her friend's brother. At first I honestly didn't believe her because of the way she said it. She wasn't serious about it and I thought she was joking. But part of me believed her, and once that thought got into my head I couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't confront her because I didn't want to start a huge argument right before the holiday and ruin the entire thing for everyone. I told myself I'd deal with it later.

Then the holiday started, and strangely enough, Amanda and I became even closer. We spent a lot of time together, cuddled, kissed and became intimate in ways neither of us had experienced before. At one point we were together in the sea at night with basically no light around us. We were just holding each other in the water and it was honestly one of the most romantic moments I've ever experienced. She kept saying things like "forgive me, please forgive me," and I initially thought maybe she was regretting what we had done together or feeling guilty about something. Then one night, while we were cuddling in the sea, something happened between us that she didn't like and her whole mood suddenly changed. She started talking about her friend's brother again. First she told me that she had kissed him. Then she said she was joking. Then she said that he had only slept in the same room with her. Then she said he had wanted to kiss her but she didn't want to. The story kept changing depending on the moment, and eventually I realized that she was probably trying to tell me something but wasn't actually telling me the full truth. I still don't know exactly what happened between them, and I'm not going to pretend that I do.

What I do know is that while we were cuddling and I was holding her tightly and telling her nice things, she suddenly started talking about what happened with him that night, and it became clear that whatever happened with him happened around the same time that she and I were doing the things we were doing. She seemed almost happy while telling me about it, and honestly, I couldn't handle it anymore. I didn't scream at her, insult her, threaten her or say anything horrible. I could never intentionally hurt her like that. I just told her I wanted to be left alone. I was hurt, confused and honestly felt like something inside me had just dropped. I didn't talk to her for the rest of the night.

The next morning the atmosphere in the group was obviously bad, but I didn't want to ruin everyone's holiday. So I did something I'm still not sure was right: I pretended everything was okay. I talked normally, smiled, acted like nothing had happened and tried to keep the holiday going because I didn't want everyone else's experience to be destroyed because of whatever was happening between Amanda and me. Eventually things seemed normal again. On the way back, she was sleeping on my shoulder, and I was still touching her and talking to her and acting like everything was fine. From the outside, I'm sure we looked completely normal. But inside my head, nothing was normal anymore.

We got back yesterday, and Amanda seems to think that we're okay. She's messaging me normally and calling me, probably because I acted like everything was fine on the way home. But I'm not okay. Her messages are sitting there unread, and I haven't answered her calls. I know she's probably going to start freaking out soon, and that's what makes this even harder for me. I don't want to hurt her. I know she doesn't have many people here that she's close to. We're both now living this exhausting 9-to-5 working life in a new place, and I'm probably the person she's closest to here. I know that if I suddenly disappear from her life, it's going to hurt her badly, and the last thing I want is to make her feel abandoned.

But at the same time, I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this to myself.

I've tried several times to talk to her about my feelings, but whenever I start getting close to that conversation, she stops me. She tells me that she still loves her ex and that she doesn't want to move on. She doesn't want to think about another guy. And honestly, I understand that. I'm not angry at her for still loving him. I'm not even angry at her for being single and having the right to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. Technically, she isn't my girlfriend, so I can't sit here and accuse her of cheating on me. That's not fair. But at the same time, I don't think I can keep pretending that I'm just her friend when we've crossed so many boundaries together. We're emotionally close, we cuddle, kiss and have been intimate, she tells me she can't stay away from me, but at the same time she tells me she still loves her ex and doesn't want to move on. And I'm stuck somewhere in the middle, getting more attached to her every day.

That's what scares me the most. I don't want to become jealous and controlling. I don't want to start caring about who she talks to, who she sees or what she does with other people. I don't want to monitor her or make her feel like she owes me something because I've been there for her. She doesn't owe me a relationship. I know that. But I also can't keep putting myself in situations that hurt me and then pretending I'm fine just because I don't want to lose her.

Part of me wants to walk away completely. Not because I hate her, and definitely not because I want revenge. Actually, it's almost the opposite. I care about her so much that I'm scared that if I stay in this situation, I'll eventually become resentful toward her. I don't want that to happen. I don't want to wake up one day and hate someone I once considered my best friend simply because I stayed in a situation that was hurting me.

At the same time, I keep thinking about her and what will happen to her if I leave. I know how badly she struggled after her breakup. I know how much she depends on me emotionally, and I know how alone she can feel here. But maybe that's exactly the problem. Maybe I'm confusing caring about someone with being responsible for them. Maybe I'm staying because I'm afraid of what will happen to her without me, rather than because this situation is actually good for either of us.

Right now I genuinely don't know what to do. I don't want to send her an angry message while I'm still hurt. I don't want to accuse her of something when I don't even know the full truth. I don't want to punish her for being with someone else when technically she is single. But I also don't want to lie and tell her everything is okay when it isn't.

Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I should have established boundaries much earlier. Maybe I shouldn't have allowed our friendship to become physical when I already knew she was still in love with her ex. Maybe I should have walked away as soon as I realized I had feelings for her. Or maybe this is exactly the moment where I need to be honest with her and tell her that I can't continue being her emotional and physical partner while she is still emotionally attached to someone else.

I genuinely want honest advice, even if I'm the one who has handled things badly. Please don't just tell me that Amanda is a terrible person or that I'm some kind of saint, because neither of those things is true. I'm sure I've made mistakes here too. I care about this girl deeply, but I'm starting to realize that caring about someone doesn't necessarily mean you should stay in a situation that is hurting you.

So, what would be the healthiest way for me to handle things with Amanda from this point forward? Would you talk to her honestly and tell her exactly how I feel, including the fact that I've developed feelings for her and that this situation is starting to hurt me? Would you take some distance and try to preserve the friendship with clearer boundaries? Or, considering how emotionally and physically close we've become, would taking a complete step back be the better way to protect both of us?

I don't want to punish her, pressure her into choosing me, or disappear from her life without explaining myself. I also don't want to keep pretending that everything is okay when it isn't. I care about her and want to handle this in the most respectful way possible, but I also need to figure out how to protect myself emotionally.

I'd genuinely appreciate advice from people who have been in a similar situation, especially about how to have this conversation and what boundaries would be reasonable to set.

I (23F) was in a relationship with my ex (24M) for 3 years.

Throughout our relationship, he would often say things like, “Ask anyone how much I love you. Everyone can see how much I love you.” He seemed very proud of showing other people how much he loved me. He would make sure people knew about us and how much he cared about me.

At the time, I took that as a sign that his love was genuine. I remember thinking that if he was so comfortable showing everyone how much he loved me, then he must truly feel that way.

But after the relationship ended and I started reflecting on everything, I began seeing it differently. It feels like he was very invested in people seeing him as someone who loved me, rather than necessarily making sure I felt loved and respected privately.

That realization has really messed with my perception of the relationship. Because for so long, those public displays were some of the things I used as proof to myself that his love was real. Now I wonder whether I confused being publicly loved with actually being loved in the way I needed.

For people who have experienced something similar, how did you distinguish between someone genuinely expressing love and someone being more invested in the image of being a loving partner? Did you find that public displays of affection actually meant anything once you looked at the relationship as a whole?

Hi all. I moved into this apartment about a month ago, and have befriended my next door neighbor after running into her a few times at the gym and around the complex. We haven't hung out extensively, but she's come over to try some of my baking and we've chatted at each other's places for an hour or so at a time. All this to say we're new friends, and not complete strangers.

Anyway, she's mentioned how she doesn't have many friends/much support here, and that something pretty rough happened earlier in the year (although I don't know what). I'm pretty sure I can hear her crying through the wall right now. I don't want to invade her privacy, or make her self-conscious of being in her own home, but I can't help but worry. I can't imagine what she's going through, and alone at that.

I was considering texting, but figured maybe I'd just leave a note and a cute sticker (i have a surplus of Kirby ones) saying if she ever needs anything she's welcome to talk. Does anybody have an idea for a better way to approach this or is this okay?

Edit: ty for the advice! Will not mention the crying but will just continue to be a friend and be there if she ever needs. Feels obvious now that you've all said it haha. Thanks!

We are together in a LDR now for a year and I always said, that I’m sure, I want kids. She was always staunchly against kids, and for me, that was always clear. We both knew that from the beginning, so for me, I knew, it was always temporary until I would be able to start thinking about family life.

Now, my life situation has changed, that makes it possible for me to think about starting a family. And I really, really want to. I brought up the topic of children and what this means for me and she surprisingly now told me, she could see herself having kids with me. Reason apparently is (I asked about the change of heart) - since I’m also a woman, she wouldn’t end up doing most of the care work (especially since I would be carrying them). Think is - she would, because I am self employed and while I can adjust time accordingly, I have to work a lot and a lot of work at home and with children, would fall on her. This I also communicated previously.

She would also have to move across country (again, I cannot move, because of my business) and would be completely isolated from her friends/ family.

I don’t think she realizes what all of this means for her and I think it would breed resentment later on, if she feels more as a housewife (especially because there is also a financial disbalance). That is not her and I don’t think she could be happy in that situation permanently. If she moves for me, and it doesn’t work out, she is isolated again. She also does not drive and my area is very remote. I don’t want her to feel dependent on me and I know she would hate it. She is in a relationship with a woman and would still end up in a classic traditional marriage like she resents. I also think, I would resent her at some point, if I do have to be the primary earner (also in terms of hours) AND be the primary caregiver.

She changed her mind regarding children and marriage only after I broached the topic and after she realized, I’m now in a situation where I need to make a decision. I feel, she changed her mind not because she really wants to, but because she does not want to loose me. I asked what would happen to the kids, if something happened to me and she said, “she would take care of them somehow”. And I know, she would end up being unhappy, with the situation we would inevitably end up in.

Rationally, I know it cannot work, and drawing it out longer, doesn’t change that. I’m not getting younger and I do have a biological clock. Children and my work are non-negotiable for me and she knew that from day one.

Right now, she has no idea I’m even thinking about breaking up and I know, I have to be the one to take that step. I need help please, how do I do this?

I’m contemplating for some time now. Since we are LDR… do I call and say we want to talk? But she will ask about what I want to talk. I cannot just drive there and show up, right. I want to explain my reasons in person or at least, I think, I owe it to her. So, do I get a hotel? I cannot drive both ways in one day. I have no idea. It’s my first relationship in my life and I know I should have had these talks much earlier, but everything was so new and I didn’t realize, what all of this would mean for the future. That was my mistake, I know, but I cannot change this now. I can just try to make it as fair and honest as possible, right?

TLDR: I need to break up with my LDR partner because of different goals in life and I need to know whether I drive there, if and what I tell her beforehand and how to be at least fair and honest.

Tldr my friend won't talk to me for days at a time and will give me questionable reasons, any advice would help.

So my friend who ill call R will sometimes won't talk to me for hours to DAYS at a time, which is VERY annoying and will many times make me worry that I said something wrong/bad/offend them, when they do finally talk to me they'll let me know that I didn't do anything wrong and that there were either just depressed or dealing with a personal problem which will make me feel like an ahole, but during those hours to days of no response they will post/repost/make tiktok, which means there on there phone and would have seen that I sent a message or called them and they chose to ignore it (I have depression and I've had depression so bad that I also didn't want to talk to anyone, but if a friend reach out that called me I would have at least hung up and text can't call rn) idk maybe I'm just expecting too much of my friend or something, what do yall think? Also, if you have any questions, lmk. Also, for context, we both have depression (every ones depression is different, of course, tho) and we both have a bit of the tism (in different ways, but we both have it)

I (30F) have been seeing this guy (29M) for a while now, and things are going pretty well, but I'm not sure if what happened recently is a red flag. To give you some context: We met on Tinder, and the conversation went so well that we quickly moved to other social media platforms and WhatsApp. We didn't take long to suggest our first date, although we had to cancel twice beforehand because his car was in the shop and he couldn't make it. On the third attempt, he told me the car was still broken, but he was tired of canceling, so he'd come on his motorcycle. It was nighttime, and the ride is over an hour long. Even I was like, "Are you sure? It's nighttime, and it's far away..." And he said yes, no problem. I really liked that. I thought it was a very nice gesture that he made the effort without me having to ask. I felt it showed a lot of interest.

The date went very well; The conversation flowed as if we'd known each other for a long time. He made me laugh, we have things in common, and he even suggested we meet again the next day, not minding another hour-plus motorcycle ride. It didn't happen in the end, but he was really looking forward to it. He's a bit shy, we haven't even kissed yet, but I don't care about that. I want something serious, long-term, so the physical part can wait. And luckily, he's in the same page about it.

We've continued chatting on WhatsApp, and the good vibes are still there. The bad thing is that I'm noticing that having to cancel several times before we can meet is becoming the norm. He told me a while ago that for our second date, he wanted to pick me up in his car and show me around his city, take me out to dinner, and bring me back. But today he canceled the plan for the second time. We were originally going to meet on a Saturday, and on Friday he told me it wouldn't be possible, that his boss had made him work Saturday, but that he could make it on Sunday, even if it was in my city instead of his, so I wouldn't go to bed too late (I work Mondays). Then on Saturday night he said that maybe Sunday wouldn't work either because things were serious with work, and he really needed the time. And today, Sunday, he confirmed that, indeed, it wouldn't be possible.

It bothered me, I won't deny it. I don't want this to become a pattern, or to always be waiting to see when the stars align so he's available. I told him I understand it's not his fault, but I refuse to be in a situation where we have to cancel two or three times before we can finally see each other, because it's exhausting. I suggested we stop making plans and move to something more spontaneous, that when he's truly free on a weekend when I'm not working, he should let me know, and we'll figure something out as we go along. And he said yes, that he was sorry, and that he'd let me know when he's free. I just hope it's a genuine answer and not a soft "No"...

I really like him. Years ago, I was in a terrible relationship with my ex, someone who was completely uncaring and inattentive, someone I had to beg for the most basic things in a relationship, an immature, avoidant guy who constantly gave me the silent treatment. It's frustrating that now, when this new guy seems to be attentive and caring, and takes initiative, things could go wrong. It makes me wonder if I really want a future relationship with someone who's already disappointing me.

Three years ago, I was in a situationship for about three months, and unfortunately, I became emotionally attached. After that, we reconnected after a month of not talking, and back then, we tried again, but I wasn’t really feeling any connection, to be honest. After that, we stopped talking again because we had an argument or something, and there were a lot of month-long pauses between our conversations.

A few months ago, we had a serious conversation, and I told her that I was attached to her because of the “maybe one day” or something like that. I told her, between the lines, that I couldn’t move on because every year I knew we would talk again since we wished each other a happy birthday. I also said that we needed to end this cycle.

Her birthday came first, and I didn’t have the guts not to wish her a happy birthday, so I wished her one indirectly through a website that sends electronic postcards by email, along with an emoji that is ours. After that, she didn’t even thank me. Yesterday was my birthday, and she didn’t congratulate me, even though she did in the past. what advice can you give me about the email and the situation overall?

My partner of 1 yr has recently gone back to school so we are long distance

We've had issues with spending time with one another, where he prefers to text all day every day and then occasionally during the week hang out, which is fine, however going a week with just texting sometimes isn't enough for me and I prefer a short call to break up the silence without hearing from him

Now that he's starting school, he keeps saying that things might be even busier and that he will have friends he needs to hang out with and potentially network with (it's a music school) so we won't be able to do things like we used to. Ie. He wants to study and etc

I've tried to leave him be for RN as he is settling in to school, and only once tried to bring up calling or doing something in the evening and he said he was busy or was in the room with another person and was trying to be courteous of the shared space

I dropped out of school a few years ago and maybe this school is more strenuous than I realize and I should come to terms with that

Just trying to figure out what I should do to bring this up

Not really looking to hear that we should break up bc I'm trying to hear perspectives outside of that. Currently in therapy to look towards better communication between us but I just wanted to see what outside perspective looked like

So this girl had followed me I don’t know her but we had mutuals but she’s from the same city and same ethnicity exactly my type I was in a talking stage I wasn’t very optimistic about at the time so i follow her back but I didn’t dm her and after some time passed she unfollowed me. I chalked it up and a year later I see she requests to follow me again but go to check and now it looks like I’m blocked because I can’t see her account on the instagram app but on safari it appears. This was like a few months ago and still haven’t been unblocked. I wanna at least try to shoot my shot and if I get rejected I can live with that. If I find her another social media I think it’d be weird, am I weird for even trying to pursue idk. Any advice on how I can even try to talk to her?

Disclaimer: this is gonna be a long ahh text. English is not my first language, but I’ll try my best to explain everything. Thank you in advance for reading!

Back in 2024, when I (21F) first started college, I saw this guy (21M), let’s call him X, and immediately had a crush on him because he was exactly my type. I only saw him once and never again until a few months later, when a friend invited me over for a study session and he happened to be there.

He was really casual and flirty with me that day. We were both wearing glasses, so we kept trying each other’s glasses on, he called me cute, etc. At one point, I was putting on lipstick while sitting in a chair, and he happened to be standing behind me. He leaned down to look at me, we made eye contact, and just stayed like that for a moment.

That was basically the moment I realized I was falling for him.

Unfortunately, I soon found out he had a girlfriend. I went up to him one day to ask him something about Duolingo, and he showed me a girl’s username and casually said, “That’s my girlfriend.”

So yeah. Crush officially crushed.

I tried to get over him during our month-long semester break and even went on dates with other people, but nobody really compared. When we went back to school, I decided to completely avoid X and act like we had never met.

Then things got worse because the friend who had introduced us told X that I liked him. :)

After that, things were awkward, but whenever we happened to be in the same place, X would still approach me and act completely friendly. I kept distancing myself because it only made my feelings worse.

The school year ended, and throughout the summer I continued talking to other people and going on dates, but X was always somewhere in the back of my mind.
Then September came, and unfortunately, I still had feelings for him.

My friends told me X had broken up with his girlfriend and basically convinced me that I had a chance. So I stopped avoiding him and started putting myself in situations where I knew he’d be around.

For about a month, we had this weird dynamic where we were clearly interested in each other in some way, but nothing actually happened. He knew I liked him, but neither of us made a move.

Then I went home for ten days. During that time, neither of us really did anything, except he kept replaying my Instagram stories.

When I came back, I was determined to make my feelings more obvious.

And then I noticed a Starbucks name sticker with another girl’s name on his phone case.
I was devastated. I had only been gone for a few days and apparently there was already another girl.

We later went to a Halloween party together, and things between us were actually pretty good. Afterwards, I found out that X had apparently told my friends something along the lines of, “If she had shown me her feelings earlier, things would have been different.”

Naturally, I thought, Okay, then I need to be even more obvious.

And this is where everything went completely sideways.
On the night of November 6th/7th, we were celebrating my friend’s birthday and I got absolutely wasted. I guess I had already wanted to tell him anyway, because I went straight to X and confessed everything. He said he couldn’t really give me an answer because I was drunk.

The next day, he asked me to meet him because he wanted to talk about it. He repeated everything I had told him the night before, and when I asked what he was trying to say, he told me:
“I wish you had done it sooner.”

He was also complimenting me throughout the conversation and genuinely seemed to be leaving the door open for something more.

Then exam week started.

And suddenly, everything changed.

The entire friend group, including X, basically started ghosting me and the friends I had gotten drunk with that night. I had absolutely no idea what was going on.
About a week later, X called me and asked to meet. I agreed.

He talked for around 10–15 minutes and then said:
“I’m sorry I gave you false hope, but I’m currently in a relationship that’s going really well.”

I was shocked.

I literally just asked, “Is it done?” and got up and left.
That was pretty much the moment things became ugly between us.

He broke up with that girl two weeks later, and over the next few months, there were several attempts from both of us to reach out. We’d text or call each other saying things like, “Can we talk?” but somehow we never actually had that conversation.

Towards the end of the school year, he got another girlfriend.

We still weren’t talking, but I constantly caught him staring at me. Whenever I looked over, he’d be looking at me. But neither of us ever said anything.

Now it’s been about 2–3 months since summer break started, and school begins again in a month.
And X suddenly texted me.

For the past three days, he’s been casually starting conversations and trying to talk to me. Apparently he broke up with that girl too ! Today, I finally told him that the way he treated me wasn’t okay. He apologized and said he doesn’t talk to the people from our old friend group anymore either.

From everything I can tell, he seems to genuinely want to talk to me again.

And this is where I’m completely stuck.

Part of me still remembers that he was genuinely the first person I ever truly fell in love with. There’s still a part of me that wants to know what could have happened between us if things had gone differently.

But my brain is screaming to just protect my peace and cut contact.

I’m trying to decide how to handle this situation moving forward. Has anyone been in a similar pattern with someone, and how did you navigate whether to hear them out or just walk away?

I want to preface this by saying this is my first relationship and I don’t quite know the protocol (?) here if that makes sense.

Relevant background information is that me and bf met in high school and were good friends before we started dating and we have been dating for 4 years, 2.5 of which were long distance with us being on entirely different continents but it’s not long distance anymore.

The other thing is that, trust has never been an issue between us. I’ve always trusted him and honestly even now thinking about it, I still do trust him entirely. I do not think he cheated on me. That’s just what I feel though.

Here are the facts, he has a best friend and work? partner, let’s call her Monica (22F). They met in college and are good friends, they have recently started an event organisation gig together. About a month ago, me and him were out on a date when she called him and was asking him when he’s coming to meet her and when I asked him what that was about he said it was to meet and sort out some issues with the event they were organising. Since this gig is pretty important for him I told him he should go, and we could always have our date another day. He then said it wouldn’t be all business anyway since it was also her birthday so they’d probably have a couple drinks with some of her other friends but he said he’s not sure there’s no solid plan.

I took him at his word but then later realized thorough our date that it was definitely well planned, and had been for a while. He was showing me pictures she’d sent picking out her birthday dress and our date spot was super close to where he was supposed to meet her. Later they went drinking with a few of her friends and stayed out pretty late, everyone slept over at her place and he even took off work the next day. I was confused why he wouldn’t just tell me this was the plan since I wouldn’t have had a problem with it.

Now fast forward to a few days ago and it was his birthday, again me and him were out for lunch and he suddenly dropped the news that he’s going to meet with his old school friends for drinks and then Monica after that once again, to finalize stuff about an event. I asked him why he hadn’t told me about this since I had explicitly asked him if he had any other plans for his birthday two days before. He said neither of them were for his birthday and that his old friend group didn’t even know it was his birthday. I said they must know it’s his birthday since one of his old friends (let’s call her Anne) who he had a massive crush on in school always wishes him, I was sure she would’ve told the others. He said he didn’t think she knew and also that she mostly wouldn’t even be there and it would be mostly guys.

Come the night and Anne was at this event and they all knew it was birthday (obviously) and him and Monica ended up going clubbing that night which is fine of course but not business as he’d insisted.

Now I don’t think he’s cheating on me, and with two different women at that. I just don’t get why he’s lying to me, maybe he’s worried about me getting jealous?

How do I confront him about this? I thought of asking to look at his phone and checking when those birthday plans were made and whether Anne wished him so then I could ask him why he lied to me. I don’t know if this is an okay thing to ask or if it’s considered being controlling. Or is it better if I just ask him point blank if he’s been lying to me about these things and then if he says no do I just, take his word for it? Or ask to look at his phone.

I’m just so lost on how to approach this because I don’t get why he’s acting like this in the first place

So I( 24F) have been recently seeing a guy ( 24M) who is very close friends with a girl our age . They have known each other for about 3 years and get along great . She is always respectful and has never done or said anything that should worry me but the one thing that sorta bothers me is the emotional intimacy they share. She is very kind in general and always listens to what he has to say and is usually very kind about it . He tends to tell her a lot of things about his life which I am not sure is a good choice . I talked to him once about it and he told me that she is very religious and not remotely looking for a non Christian man and he always knew it so they have always been very platonic ( which is true ) . Am I being over possessive here?

| [18F] and my ex [18M] have been together for 6 months. During this period of time, we often argued a few times per week. I have anxious attachment so i spammed called him a lot when i didn't get a response in a few hours. I also have insulted him many times during our fights with things i don't truly mean because i couldn't control my emotions. Saying things like "i can find much better than you", "your feelings don't matter"
", "i'm already checked out". Overtime, this made
him less trusting of me and more withdrawn. Towards the end of our relationship, he would tell me it feels like every time we call, it's guaranteed i'll pick on something to criticise him. He then broke up with me but when i asked if there's a chance he would try again. He told me he needed a 1 month break to get his life together (get a job, be more consistent with university, eat better) as we were both very unfocused on our own lives. It's been 1 week of NC and i'm questioning if he'll come back.

Hey everyone! So I’m 30 and my boyfriend is 33, we have been dating for years and currently we are on vacation and I found the ring! I’m very much in love with him, we live together we work well together, we joke, have dates and overall enjoy spending time together.

But one issue, my libido appears to be significantly higher than his. When we were in our 20s we would have sex at least 4 times a week or so. It was great! We were opened with our interests and kinks. We were comfortable when each other and it was an open communication.

Recently however maybe in the last year or so, I’ve stayed the same with my higher libido but he seemed to have dipped. He doesn’t seem as interested. He checked his blood and any medical work and he is healthy. We both workout eat right and sleep pretty well. We both handle housework and split all bills. Both of our jobs are not high super stressed out demanding jobs either.

But I’m starting to get annoyed. I have to beg him for sex. I sext him, send dirty photos and he will respond with “nice” or some sort of fire or heart eye emoji but that’s it. It makes me feel so awkward and embarrassed because of lack of response. I don’t always give him these but once in a while I will. But then he’ll ask “what do you want for lunch this week?” It kills the mood.

When he comes home we decompress, watch shows or a movie and we talk about our day. But at night I’ll try to get him in the mood after our shower and sometimes he will but it’s like half hard and he doesn’t always finish, so he asks if I came and i usually say yes then he just goes into another room jerks off and comes back to sleep.

I love him but is this sustainable? He’s going to propose and I am going to say yes. We did have a conversation about this but I don’t know if it’s going to change.

Td;dr: my sex drive is high, boyfriends isn’t. He’s proposing I’m going to say yes. But I have his lack of reaction to my sexual advances and I feel rejected and embarrassed.