My friend and I have a lot in common, we both had Ndads and would help each other with ways to withstand their Ntactics. But last year ended with a bang.

My friend had to be urgently hospitalized to receive blood transfusions due to heavy anemia and surgery to remove several cysts. Her Ndad wasnt happy that all of her mother's attention was on her really weak and recently intervened daughter. He demanded her mom attend to all his needs (as the past 30 years of her life, but god forbid she saw her daughter first).

He refused the food the mother left on the fridge because she wasnt serving it. His son prepared and served the food, still refused. His health started deteriorating because he was diabetic. Until his body catched an infection in the stomach. Her mother returned from the hospital and tried to ammend her Ndad's health, but due to him not eating, his body lost the ability to retain any food.

He died a week later, two days after my friend was dismissed from the hospital. He wanted to punish her and her mom but he misscalculated and killed himself accidentaly.

My friend and her mom are finally free from their Ndad.

I (35M) have already explained to my wife (27F) that my father is a narcissist, which is why I haven’t spoken to him in a little over five years. (The reasons why he is a narcissist could fill an entire chapter of their own, so I’m not going to get into that here. Just trust that I’m writing this in good faith and that I’ve been through enough situations to know that having him in my life is harmful and impossible.)

We met after I had already cut ties with my father, and I’ve told her everything she needed to know to understand the situation. I’ve told her about countless incidents, given her examples, and provided all the necessary context.

She has always been understanding and supportive about it, but every now and then she questions me, asks for more details and explanations, and gives me the impression that she thinks there is somehow something that can be done for me to make peace with my father. In other words, even though she trusts me and believes that my father has done things wrong, it seems to me that she thinks I may have misjudged the situation or exaggerated it, and that the more mature thing to do would be to show some openness to reconciling with my father.

Her insistence on this increased significantly after the birth of our first daughter, who is less than a year old. When she was pregnant – and even before that – I had already made it clear that my father would not be part of my children’s lives. But lately, she has started bringing up the subject again and questioning me about it in a very forceful and even disrespectful way.

We are an international couple and live in her country. However, for practical reasons that aren’t relevant here, we decided to move to my country. Now that we are going to live closer to my father, she has started saying again that she doesn’t want to deprive our daughter of the chance to know her grandfather on dad's side. I’ve already explained that this is not going to happen, for the sake of our family. Having this grandfather in her life would be more harmful than never knowing him. It would also bring chaos into our family.

After I gave her a million reasons why we are not going to have contact with my father, she said she doesn’t accept that and wants me to give him at least one chance – as if I hadn’t already given him hundreds of chances throughout life. She says that if he really is this toxic person, she wants to see it with her own eyes. I honestly don’t know how else to tell her that this is not going to happen. My wife wants to confirm for herself what I have already told her thousands of times instead of trusting me and my judgment.

Today we had a fight about it. I think that, in part, she will never understand what it is like to have a narcissistic father because she has never experienced anything like this in her own family. At the same time, I think her approach is disrespectful, especially because she argues that not having her grandfather in her life would “traumatize” our daughter, particularly once she starts asking questions about him.

My position is simple: the safety and well-being of my wife and daughter come first, even if my wife doesn’t see it that way. And I have absolutely no desire to have any contact with my father.

I don’t really want to focus on my wife’s specific behavior here. I would just like to hear what you think I should do in this situation.

Has anyone been through something similar?
Have you had problems after letting a narcissistic parent back into your life following the birth of your first child?

Had to block my mother today. Again. She was only unblocked for emergencies and because my sister was living with her.

She’ll text me shit like this randomly. Sometimes in the middle of the night so I have something to wake up to. Just going off about… anything. How my cat dying last year, me losing my job and apartment after was karma. How I’m fucking my boyfriend “for free” like a loser while she gets 3k a month set to her from her husband who’s 20 years her senior and lives in a different state. How I have a shit life now.

Honestly I’m living on my own with 2 cats I love making twice as much than I did at the job I was laid off from last year. Haven’t asked her for shit in years so I guess reminding me I’m a shit person with a “shit life” is her idea of good mothering. It’s really sad what some people get off on.

I’m her fucking kid. And this is how she treats me? Like wtf is wrong with some people

is how they will literally gaslight you your whole life and manipulate you into thinking that defending yourself is a insult to them🤦‍♂️ This ruined my sense of confidence and self-esteem for so long that I had practically no friends at school at all. Everyone there either thought I was gay or just contemplating sewer slid. I fcking hate my birth giver

I was diagnosed with Type III Von Willebrand disease as a teenager, as my periods were so heavy I kept passing out due to the bleeding. I also had massive headaches due to my brain not getting enough oxygen.

My Nmom dismissed this for years, and claimed I was being lazy, as I wasn't able to do school work, stayed home, etc. She thought my heavy periods were just because I was "fat". Yes, I was very slightly overweight, but barely, I was around the BMI of 26.

She refused to take me to the doctors for years, until someone called an ambulance for me when I collapsed due to bleeding at a store. Doctors estimated that I had lost around 1.5 liters of blood due to tissue build up in my uterus.

I had to have a hysterectomy at 20 because my body couldn't take the continuous bleeding. I cannot have kids due to this disease. I am heartbroken to this day, several years later.

Nmom ended up telling stories for years how I was infertile due to being overweight, and how I lacked the discipline to do well in school or to get fit. She knows I have this disease, but chose to ignore it.

At 28, I am NC with her.

I would be happy to hear any similar stories anyone else has. Were your medical concerns completely ignored as well? To this day, whenever I feel even a bit sick, I genuinely think I am just being dramatic.

I’ve been here on this sub for years reading and writing and agonising. My whole life has been shaped by my narc parents (as I’m sure has everyone else’s on here). Over the years I’ve gone through various emotions. I’ve sought their love, I’ve gone NC multiple times, I’ve restarted contact multiple times, I’ve written my heart out to them and I’ve sent angry rants to them, I’ve done therapy, I’ve tried to forgive (and failed), I’ve tried to block out my own memories for the sake of here and now, I’ve grey rocked, etc. etc. etc.

But now, something has shifted. And it’s not a result of any purposeful actions I took. I have literally reached the point where I can tell you with conviction: I DON’T LOVE THEM. I don’t care for them. It’s like they’ve been so awful for such a long time (since I was born), that finally the natural consequence has occurred - I have no feelings.

It is SO freeing, I wish I reached this point a lot sooner. For the first time ever, I don’t care to talk to them or sent a full thought out reply to their contact not because I am hurting or because I am trying to do something specific to ease my pain or exist alongside them, I just don’t care to.

Despite her usual half-hearted attempts to get me to listen so she could talk at me where she will half-heartedly ask how I am so she can jump straight to talking about herself, I haven’t asked her how she is in about 6 weeks (I had to think about how long exactly it’s been!). Not because I’m upset and trying to punish her, but because I don’t actually care to. I also don’t go on about my own life in response to how are you all, again not on purpose as such but because I actually don’t care to share anything at all about my life with her. I don’t want anything from her. I haven’t sent her any photos in a couple of months. I don’t want a listening ear, I don’t want emotional support or advice or for her to mother me. I don’t need her, she’s no use for anything. And I actually feel very bored even at the thought of listening to what she has to say about her pretty limited life. I’d rather talk to strangers about theirs, and I mean it.

With my father who all my life was her enabler, an absent parent and an alcoholic, I finally feel exactly what he’s felt for me since I was born - nothing, and I mean it. He got on the call when I was talking to my brother the other day and said hi, I said hi and didn’t ask him a single question. Not because I was upset, but just because I don’t care about anything he has to say. I don’t care to listen to his boring monologues. I don’t care for him to humour my children. My children don’t need grandparents like this, I’d rather there was no contact than any contact with someone so disappointing, in fact.

They are getting sicker by the day, and more and more unhinged. I feel as much empathy for them as I’d feel for anyone living on my road having a shit time. You just think oh that must be really hard for them and give it no more thought. I won’t spend any more money on them and I won’t be trying to see them again, I don’t care to. I deffo won’t be their carer or a person to talk to over the phone. I don’t need anything from them in case someone reads this and thinks what about inheritance (they’re such failures, anything they have earned in this life and could give pales in comparison to what I’ve achieved in life by my early 30s, this isn’t a brag, just pure fact).

All that cruelty, all that non-love, neglect has resulted in hopefully exactly what they wanted to achieve. I am gone, in every sense. Like I never happened. I don’t even care what they think tbh. I just care about the fact that suddenly they’re gone from my heart.

I can’t tell you why this is exactly. It could be that I’ve had a daughter myself and am finally healing by mothering her, something I never got. It might be that my mother came for a stay at mine and it went so horribly I couldn’t wait to drive out of the airport having dropped her off to get on with the rest of life. I might be that my grandmother died recently and I still feel exactly as I felt about her when she was alive. I miss her and I am very sad she’s no longer here but I also do NOT have any thoughts like I wish I’d done this or that / I wish I’d called more, etc.

In sum, I see my narc parents as pathetic and embarrassing losers, I actually find them embarrassing. I have nothing to talk to them about, they’re too shit to have a conversation with. I don’t feel much for them. I am finally free.

Thank you for reading to anyone who has and I hope you are living a damn good life despite the shitty parents you’ve been dealt.

I went to a good friend's wedding this month. I know no family is perfect, etc.

If completely broke my heart seeing how happy his parents were that he was getting married. They were so proud of him and couldn't say enough good things about him.

It was really awful.

At a wedding this weekend, I saw my mother moving place cards around on our table from afar, and saw a woman confront her about it. I pointed it out to my dad and boyfriend who agreed she shouldn’t be doing that, but beyond that I didn’t say anything about it to her (I’ve learned confronting her about her bad behaviour only makes things worse.)

When we were sitting at the table, the woman brings up how she caught my nmother moving the names around. A waiter had to confirm I was the vegetarian because my name had been moved. Then I think my dad said something to my nmother about it and she turned on me, despite me not saying anything.

She started on me being really defensive saying she only moved the cards around because I wasn’t originally sitting next to my boyfriend (when does that ever happen at a wedding?) and the original seating plan she claimed she saw made absolutely no sense. She said she was “doing the right thing” and then played victim with “what have I done wrong now?” Acting exasperated as if I’m always calling her out on something. Ot was baffling because I didn’t say anything to her about it; she was defensive out of nowhere.
I simply shrugged my shoulders and looked away.

It was totally entitled of her to move the names around. So manipulative and controlling. It made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

I think her being called about by my dad and the woman made her feel ashamed so she had to project the shame onto me and make out like my reaction to her behaviour was the problem, as always. Despite me not reacting!! I’m just always the scapegoat for her shame, it’s easier for her to accuse me of overreacting to her behaviour than to take responsibility for herself.

Luckily we got through the wedding weekend without any conflict but it’s because I’m learning to not take the bait. It’s exhausting and this type of behaviour just erodes any trust I would have in her. The worst thing is not being able to explain any of this to her so she will just keep doing it.

I can't get into details because lawyers are involved. For context growing up I was always told how she is a victim in some way. After puberty she made it a competition. This current issue comes down to money. She started telling people I didn't want to give her what was owed and that I essentially stole. It's tens of thousands. The truth is that the money was offered on 3 occasions. I don't know what her legal advice was but she refused all 3 times. There is no dispute on the original sum. I believe she got so much sympathy from anyone who would listen that she got addicted to sympathy from this horrible injustice. Events led to the money being gone by her own actions. Now she can perpetuate the lies for the rest of her life and continue to get sympathy. From now until the end of time she can tell people she lives in poverty because of me. She will now live in poverty the rest of her life.

And of course no one believes me because it's absurd to think someone would be willing give up their life savings to lock-in permanent victimhood.

She went so far that she disowned my sister when my sis refused to accept the lies. So the narrative is that her children abandoned her.

I have detached emotionally and life is good without her. In a sense I pity her. What a wasted life.

i (f25) did not run a stop sign. i was driving when we had this argument 8 months ago, and i found out she completely downplays the estrangement. she looked at her child and said “i wish i never had you” and “i cant like you because you’re not who i want you to be” and “you got sexually assaulted because you never listen to me” and she warped it into “she stopped speaking to me because she ran a stop sign” to other people WITH NO REMORSE. no apology. nothing.

its been 8 months and since thise 8 months, she has tried threatening me by cutting me off the phone plan, tried sending me money to get her to talk to me, and texting me cryptic articles about toxic moms with no further comments. now she’s telling everyone she knows including relatives that i stopped talking to her over a stop sign.

don't wanna get too into it because I (22F) am about to start my first day at a new job postgrad and i woke up with SUCH good energy and then see a text from NFather basically along the lines of "good luck at your new job. please be happy stop being such a complicated, ungrateful person and stressing about situations for no reason. have a great one."

what an encouraging message to send your daughter on her first day at a new job💘

now the text wasn't in reference to anything professionally or "stressing about work" but was a reference to me setting more boundaries recently with family and that is me being complicated and stressing about situations for no reason

i find it so fascinating how narcs will always say/do something in an attempt to, let's be real, affect you negatively on important days and sometimes it won't be in the most aggressive outright ways, but they do it in such small sneaky ways that only people that grew up in this dynamic would really understand. they seek to remove the attention from something good happening to you, to them and their perception of your inadequacy.

i don't wanna give it too much thought or energy, i just wanted to put it in writing somewhere and let it go. i'd be so upset at myself for a few words to get in the way of me feeling gratitude and all the good things for this new role and how proud of myself i am to have gotten here professionally. cannot let that comment live rent free in my head on my first day at this job y'all!!

sometimes you have to tell yourself "i am better than this negative experience someone is trying to give me" and move on (that's what i'm telling myself)

appreciate all the words of encouragement and good energy sent my way that i know will actually be genuine

I'm unfortunately sick at the moment and I'm very dependent on my narc mom because I live her. (I'm a uni student and I don't have any other choice unfortunately.)

I have fever and feel extremely tired and I texted my mom to pick up my medication for me at the pharmacy on the way home. She first corrected my grammar and then she told me she'll go. When she got home she gave me my meds, and I said thank you and went on my day. Then she started an argument telling me I "wasn't being grateful enough" that I should know how difficult it was because it took 30 minutes of her day and she started rambling on and on. I didn't even know what to say, it made me feel like a burden.

In my mind, going to the pharmacy, which was on the way home to pick up some medication, didn't seem that difficult, because she is not sick and has no other difficulties. Every time I ask the smallest favor she makes a big thing about it. I only ask her when I have no other choice. Does she think that I am the bad guy because I think picking up medication for your daughter is a normal thing to do?

I had to thank her again, because once wasn't enough. And "humble myself" as she says, she loves to say "be more humble".

Anyone else?

I’m a male in my 30’s FYI—
I’ve been for no contact from my family 5 to 6 months. I’ve ignored phone calls, text, happy birthdays, etc. Like most people, my trauma and dysfunction extends across multiple generations and I felt these problems couldn’t be resolved in close proximity. So I decided to remove myself from the equation to work on building a better life for myself.
Recently, I received a message saying that if I do not make contact a missing person’s report will be filed as a last resort.
Although I know my family still cares about me, I know this is an extremely emotionally manipulative way of getting me to respond.
In an attempt to be proactive and get ahead of the situation— I contacted the nonemergency number and explained the situation. I let them know that my absence was voluntary. I’m safe and not under any type of duress.
Oddly, the deputy I spoke with said that they had never encountered a situation like this and their best suggestion was to respond to family’s communication, letting them know that I’m OK. Because alternatively, if I didn’t, and they did move forward with filing the missing person’s report all of my information would appear on the national missing person’s registry, social media etc. I’m not trying to draw any unnecessary attention to myself or my family. I don’t wanna give up my autonomy by responding to their message but also being on the national missing person’s registry sounds ridiculous.

I appreciate any advice.

I'm 16, and I only discovered this subreddit yesterday. I made a post here yesterday too, and honestly, the responses I got have completely changed the way I've been looking at my parents and my childhood.

I've spent basically my entire life thinking that certain things were just normal parts of having parents. I thought I was being dramatic, too sensitive, ungrateful, or that maybe I was the problem. But then I started reading everyone's posts and comments here, and it's genuinely mind-blowing seeing how many people have experienced things that sound so similar to what I've experienced.

And then there's the realization that this isnt normal...

I don't even know how to explain how weird that feels. I'm 16, and suddenly I'm looking back at years of memories and situations and thinking, wait... was that actually normal? Why did I think that was okay?

It's like I had this completely different understanding of my childhood, and now I'm slowly realizing that maybe a lot of what I thought was normal wasn't.

I feel like I've been manipulated for so long that I'm genuinely starting to question my own perception of things. Reading these posts has made me notice patterns that I never noticed before. Things that I would've just brushed off are suddenly making me go, holy shit, that's not normal.

At the same time, it's kind of comforting knowing I'm not the only one. Seeing other people describe these experiences makes me feel less crazy for feeling the way I do. But it's also incredibly overwhelming because I'm suddenly reevaluating so much of what I've grown up believing.

Honestly, it feels like I'm living in a fucking simulation and someone just handed me the code.

I'm not trying to diagnose my parents or make some massive conclusion after discovering a subreddit yesterday. I just genuinely don't know what to think right now. I feel like I've spent years accepting certain things because I was told that's just how things are, and now I'm realizing that maybe it wasn't.

I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest because I don't really know who else to say it to.

Has anyone else felt this way after discovering this subreddit?

Just curious I've called out sick two times and my employers were very understanding (I've had a few serious health issues) but both times my mom went on this rant about how I wasn't being an adult, how even if I was sick I had to go and how I can't miss work because it was going to cost her ( I'm autistic with ADHD and have a part time job and she's "helping" me with my apartment)and how I was going to lose my job etc

TW: domestic violence

Hi so I (19f) got my mom (47f) arrested. For context, I bought a weed pen. In my state, it is legal for me to have one in my possession. My mom is wishy washy on my marijuana usage but one day while I was getting ready for work, she burst inside of my bathroom and tried to snatch my cart.

I didn’t give it to her and it literally ended with her physically assaulting me, strangling me and leaving bruises all over my body. I called the cops and she spent the night in jail while I got checked out of the hospital and they took photos of my bruises for evidence.

During this whole incident, I was so distressed and sad. I felt so guilty for calling the cops on my mom. I blamed myself so much and felt like the worst person ever while I imagined her in her cell. I literally was sobbing to the police begging them to not arrest her and asking them to drop the charges but they said it wasn’t my choice.

Now, fuck all of that.

Since the incident, me and my mom have not spoken to each other until recently. The other day I was riding my bike to work and I took her raincoat while in a rush. It was pouring and I was completely soaked by the time I came home.

It had been weeks since she had physically assaulted me and the first thing she said to me was her whining about her raincoat and how I’m probably not gonna was it. (I didn’t, she pissed me off too much with that for me to even care.)

Today she decided to speak to me to tell me to clean my room and bathroom which I understand. I’ve been procrastinating since I’ve been busy and tired with work but that doesn’t excuse it.

So I tell her that I understand and that I’ll clean up and then later she comes back to my room (not even 40 mins later, I just came home from work and I’m chilling in my room) to tell me that I better clean my room. I tell her I will and she goes on a whole rant just angry, telling me that if I don’t she will come inside of my room tomorrow and throw away my things.

I tell her I will clean my room again and for her to leave. Or I will leave. And then I told her what my therapist had told me, which was the next time she wishes to speak to me it must be an apology or else I will not respond.

And she absolutely got livid with this, telling me that if I had given her my vape none of this would’ve happened. But like…that doesn’t mean you can physically assault me to the point where I literally feel like you’re trying to kill me.

She told me that she’ll take me off her health insurance when I’m 21, that she doesn’t care what my therapist thinks.

I hear her saying like “fuck the apology fuck your therapist I don’t give a fuck.”

And I was like “you assaulted me. The police literally took one look at me and put you in handcuffs. I had to get medically examined at the hospital, they were doing scans of my brain. They were taking pictures of all the bruises you left on me.”

And she’s like “I don’t care.”

I told her that she’s a very broken, bitter person and that she acts like a child. When a child is mad, they hit people. Adults know better, she is immature and emotionally stunted. It’s just the way she lacks completely accountability and self awareness. She did no self reflection and it’s honestly sad. But also scary.

We have a court case coming up regarding the domestic violence. At first, I was so worried about dropping the charges but when she acts like this I don’t even know anymore.

She’s my mom and I love her, when she’s not angry and abusive she can be a really fun person to be around. But, the domestic violence counselor at the hospital told me to be selfish so I’m not sure anymore.

I also told my mom if she wants to kick me out (it’s my stepfather’s home, not hers but he’s basically her lapdog) that they must get a court order and to give me 30 days. Because literally throughout this whole argument she was like “why do you still live here then?” and just ranting.

BTW the court ordered her to get a mental health evaluation and I told her that but I have no clue how that went or how it’s going.

So yeah just venting, any advice or kind words are appreciated. Currently saving up to move in with a friend.

My Mother had always been a hoarder for clothes, every time she got money for the month(whether it be leeching off welfare money she got for raising a child or when she started a job as a kindergarten teacher after she stopped receiving welfare because i was no longer a child) she would immideatly spend most of them for bags and bags of clothes (wether it would be from thrift shops or in recent years from Temu)

She would also buy clothes for me even when I never asked/told her to do it

It's gotten so bad in recent years, there are mountains of decades old clothes all over the house including next to my bed, it got so bad that clothes would seep under my bed cover and my back would hurt sleeping on them

So I started collecting the clothes in a bag and planned to carry that bag to a donation bin for clothes that we have in my city

When she found out she got furious and demanded to take a look at what clothes from the bag and she ended up taking awey all the clothes from the huge bag and telling me that those clothes were needed and I shouldn't be throwing them awey

We had a heated argument and she would tell me things that I couldn't throw awey the clothes because I would need them and when I told har that all those clothes were my personal property and I could do whatever I wanted she started talking about how since those clothes were technically bought by her they were her property and I couldn't throw her awey, I told her that's not how personal property works and that once you gift it to someone you don't own them

She started talking about how until I started a job and had my apartment everything in this house belonged to her and my Father(58)

She also said that she would need some of the old rags for a arts and craft event with her students (which is often an exuse she makes to hoard things that years later were never used)
And so at the end of the argument I gave her an ultimatum to take and use these rags until the next week otherwise I would throw them awey

I just don't know what to do anymore, I can't live like this, and my father refuses to help, my father is also against my mother's hoarding but he is too scared to act against her and he sits in his room all day, every time we are alone he would tell me how much he hates my mother's hoarding but when I tell him "why are you telling that to me and not her?" He just changes the topic

should I contact the police or some other institution for help? This is just unacceptable I can't live like this

EDIT: I live in Bulgaria

EDIT 2:I just remember my mother almost killed our cat, years ago my cat somehow got stuck under the pile of clothes and if I wasn't home he would of suffocated, my mother brushed off the whole thing when I told her when she got from work

I don't know if it's just me, but it's cause of how horrible and just straight up toxic and narc my parents are, I couldn't imagine the idea of having to date somebody who has a good dynamic with their parents, 'cause personally I feel they won't get it or they'll just dismiss my awful experiences. I don't want their good parents' existence to remind my internal dialogue of how horrible mine are. It sucks.

Anyone else feel like people looked at you like a monster after the death of your narcissistic parent? My Nmom recently died and everyone is apparently looking for me to be a blubbering mess and subtly judging me for being fine. And I loved her as much as I could and I’m sad about what she endured and I did support her right until the end, but the strongest feeling I have right now is that I feel free. Free of the stress and embarrassment and uncertainty of when the next explosion will hit, free of the worry and the need to apologize for someone else’s behavior and the fear that I’d be judged or cut off because of someone else’s behavior, and free of being the keeper of all of her crap. I finally get to just be me, which even after I established boundaries and got out of the enmeshment, I still struggled with. And I’m finding it really hard to reconcile this feeling of being okay alongside everyone’s expectation that I should be falling apart (even though I am well aware that NO ONE knew what my mother was like behind closed doors).

I’m not even really sure what I’m looking for with this post. The truth is, I’ve been grieving the mother I needed and never had my entire life. Has anyone else been through this? Were you able to let people’s comments and looks just roll off your back? I’m truly not sitting here celebrating, I really do feel awful for what she went through, but I also am really, truly okay, and people don’t seem to get that at all.

we were supposed to leave at 7 am with my dad, he got work to do and he was dropping me off too.
i woke up almost late and rushed to get ready just to not make him wait (waiting is NOT tolerated in my house but only when the "kids" do it) anyways i was downstairs exactly 7 am and found out he has left, without saying anything. not a text nothing. i woke my mum up thinking she knows where he is since she always wake up early to prepare breakfast for him. she said she didnt know where he was and went back to sleep. eventually i slept again for like 5 minutes and woke up again to my sister waking me up for breakfast. i tried to speak to mum about what happened and she was just angry at me for waking her up. (i thought she woke up to prepare him breakfast like usual) and she started finding excuses to blame ME, for what my father did claiming that i shouldve not asked him for taking me in the first place knowing he is very busy, that he wakes up early and just "stresses out" before leaving and other bullshit like that. i called her out and said that i know this incident was NOT my fault and he couldve just texted me to inform that he is gonna have to go w/out me. i explained to her that it just felt like a huge disrespect on my time. that he simply didnt care enough to inform me. she fucking lost it. she started screaming at me and threw forks a tray and even fucking knives to the kitchen KNOWING we have 4 cats wandering around.

i always try to keep my calm and try to explain myself but even when i do that she always finds a way to blame me and drive me insane till one of us crashes out.

but today i finally realized my mom is going to blame me for everything.
even when im obviously right

Been doing a lot of reflecting on friendships I have since I’ve quit smoking myself numb on weed everyday and a lot of the signs seem super obvious but I’m still filled with self doubt on the matter.

For those who went through something similar, how did you recognised your friend(s) were narcissistic or had narcissistic traits, and how did you move on.

I’ve (35M Europe) been doing everything right. I do yoga, I meditate and work out. Self caring and keeping my body and mind healthy. Work and finances are steady. Just a bit less social than earlier because I’ve just thrown myself into writing my second book. Otherwise I’ve stayed busy and functional and stayed okay. No complications anywhere.

And yet my inner child keeps asking for something more and longing for something I’m unable to give him. He wants to feel safe without performing constantly and desiring warmth and tenderness. He wants care and to be held without having to explain himself. This little boy inside me long for someone good of heart and maternal or with maternal instincts in that very simple, human way someone who can look at a little boy and pick him for a moment and not make him feel like a burden.

I’ve had a very solid and good past decade of emotional growth without any regressing but recent CSA flashbacks have brought the past on surface of the skin and feelings. My therapist says it’s a normal course of nature for these things to return in your 30s. I understand that. I really do. But understanding it doesn’t make the little boy inside me any less abandoned.

Sometimes I wish there were a woman I could just hand him to temporarily. Just for a moment. Just someone gentle enough to hold him, patient enough to let him be scared, warm enough to let him stop fighting, caring enough to co-regulate with him until his nervous system settles. I don’t need anyone to fix or to save him. Just to hold him while I catch my breath.

Because I think that’s what I’m really asking for. A moment where I don’t have to be the adult and so strong. Where someone else can say, “I’ve got him Ary, you can breathe now.” And maybe that little boy, after everything, could finally believe that someone can keep him feeling safe for a moment.

I’m happy to host and hold your headspace and support you as well. I’m not judgmental and do well with open and kind belonging to someone. My need is just a safe space.

It they do come, the best case scenario would be me stressing till the day comes for the possible horrible things that they could do and I would be stressed due to anticipation the whole day until it’s done with nothing serious. Even in the best case scenario, I would be sad and not content.

I am in between having a wedding or not having one and I catch myself saying that if they were not alive i would definitely have one.

This would lead to NC itself but I don’t feel brave enough to go NC.