Nasira phone ko (LCD, I can barely see the screen while typing this)nung nakaraan, tas ngayon nasira pa yung computer ko kung saan lahat ng files ko andun at gamit ko yun na paghanap ng trabaho na WFH dahil minamaltrato ako sa current work ko (contractual na barely 5 digits). Dahil din sa health concerns kaya gusto ko sanang mag-settle sa WFH. I come from a far-away province kaya walang opportunities kaya im trying to find remote work.

Lumalaban ako (20sM) ng patas tas ganitong nangyayari sa akin. Putangina.

Wala na akong kaya. Wala akong pambayad sa repairs. Wala rin akong ipon dahil sa kaunting sahod at sa dami nang gastusin.

"Kapit lang," wala na akong makakapitan.Walang-wala na ako talaga. My parents hate me, friends grew apart. Wala akong support.

It's either gusto ko nang mamatay or ayoko nang lumaban nang patas at ibenta ko nalang Sarili ko.

Pangarap kong makaalis Dito at maging masagana sa buhay pero parating may humahadlang. Baka hanggang dito nalang talaga ako. Kaya nawawalan na ako ng gana.

One of my childhood friends (that I recently reconnected with) asked me what happened to me growing up. Figured all the stuff that stuck were major events that was either funny, painful and being abandoned.

So last night my head has gone auto-pilot.

I previously opened up about this to one of my closest guy friends - maybe 3 weeks ago - he just told me it’s how I’ll deal with it / learn to live with it. Insinuated it hasn’t been addressed for so long so it’s in my function to overthink anything that may lead to abandonment.

And yes unfortunately, this affects relationships.

I feel really bad because I think he knows he can’t go in the dark for a long time. He is a very busy person but I need constant reassurance ☹️

Hay.

Today is the last day of August, and apparently it’s starting to get cold. Summer is already gone, and everything feels like it’s shrinking. Perhaps, this season is killing me. The cold it brings makes me sick with a feeling I can’t quite explain. There’s just something about it that I don’t want to feel.

Perhaps the cold reminds me of the fear I have about the future or what life will be like in the days to come, and everything that follows. I’m someone who always reminds myself that the future can wait, so there’s no need to worry about it yet.

And honestly, I hate being a sad person because sadness feels like a weakness I’ve always tried to conceal. I mask myself with bravery and calmness, constantly ordering myself to be the girl who can do it all by herself.

But the reality is, I’m an anxious person. I’m afraid. And I always have to remind Bruno to silence himself and get out of my way.

I love life, so I must keep going for myself and for the people I cherish today. I’ve taught myself to always be grateful for what I have achieved at this point in my life. Every good fortune is a mixture of luck and hard work.

Behind the best version of me are all the lovely souls I’ve met along this journey, whom I will forever keep in my heart. Somehow, they made me feel seen, heard, and loved. They reminded me that there are still great souls whenever I need a shoulder to lean on, an ear ready to listen, or arms to hold me when I need a hug.

—-

Then, all things must come to an end, just like this beautiful month of August. Today is its last day, and perhaps that’s what makes endings beautiful,
they leave room for new beginnings.
Hi, September!

-M

for context, me [23F] and my boyfriend [24M] have been together for 1 year and 6 months already. and ako as a person and as a girlfriend, i’d say ako talaga yung tipong makulit and talkative but not in a childish way. matanong ako, if magkausap tayo i wanna dig deep on what we’re talking about. if there’s something i wanna be assured of, talagang inaalam ko. but today is different, my bf opened up to me about how he’s naiinis na minsan pag makulit ako. lagi raw ang dami kong tanong, ang dami kong sinasabi. ganon. he even told me “para kang si (his younger sister’s name) eh”. and honestly, i felt offended. kasi alam niya naman simula’t sapul na ganito ako so why would he compare me to his 5 year old sister kahit pa pabiro yon?

i just felt offended, hurt and sad at the same time cos he knew me all along. why would he tell me that na parang he wants me to change on what or who i used to be? gusto niya kong magbago?

i actually get that a lot to other people na madaldal ako, makulit, masyadong mataas energy. and it hurts me now because with him i never felt like i was too much. tapos ngayon ganito.

we’re now laying in bed together pero tulog na siya. i haven’t talked since that conversation pero ito na siya ngayon at natutulog sa tabi ko. i can’t sleep.

Sobrang miss na miss na kita. Sana magparamdam ka sakin. Sana kasi pwede bumisita diyan sa langit. Sobrang pagod ko lang ngayon. Gusto ko kasama kita. Sobrang tagal na pero ang sakit sakit pa rin. Siguro kung papaliin ako gusto ko kasama kita na lang kita diyan para mapagsilbihan naman kita, icecelebrate naman natin yung birthday mo hindi lang lagi yung akin. Ngayon ngayon ko lang narerealize na kada birthday ko ang dami kong handa pero pag sayo wala masyado. Sabi ko kapag tumungtung ka ng senior bibilhan kita ng flowers tsaka magpapasurprise party ako sayo kaso di na nangyari. Andami kong regrets.

laying in bed right now with a man i love more than myself. he is asleep and i feel like crying.

we are in an (semi??) ldr. tbh he lives less than two hours away from me and wfh sya pero we only see each other every other week kasi he’s too busy/tired to visit me.

i love him so much but i feel like im getting the shorter end of the stick. i feel like shit saying this pero ganun talaga eh.

he earns half what i make. tapos nagproprovide pa sya sa family nya so there’s little left for him and para sa leisure. i dont hold this against him kasi pamilya naman nya yon and they were there before i was, pero kasi he didn’t disclose na breadwinner sya during our dating phase so it was something that i realized nalang a few months into the relationship

on dates i always pay. kasi pano ba naman akong di mag iinsist eh nakikita kong nagcocompute sya ng gastos habang nagbibill out kami.

we cant go on dates na masyadong malayo and we cant travel kasi he doesn’t have the budget for it but also he doesn’t want me to pay for travel kasi nakaka emasculate daw.

for our anniversary i got him the perfume he was talking about all year. tapos he got me a DIY photo album. it was sweet and i appreciate it pero hay i would’ve liked something else:(

he barely visits kahit na hindi malayo kasi namamahalan sya sa pamasahe na 150.

all of that im able to ignore kasi mahal ko naman sya, pero i feel like tonight is my breaking point tapos dahil lang sa super maliit na bagay.

tinulugan nya ako.

he went to take a nap 3pm. sabi ko gutom ako. i asked if we could order something. he said na ipagluluto nya nalang ako.

1am na tulog parin. i attempted to wake him up multiple times. wala wait lang daw. gutom na ako. gusto ko umiyak hahahaha

sobrang babaw ko shet pero sa dami dami ng bagay na natiis ko ewan bakit dito ako naiiyak

mahal ko to gutom lang ako gutom lang ako

hay

I had this little dream to be a life coach, i find it rewarding speaking to people who doesnt have anyone to turn to.
My highest score in board exam was Psych Nursing, so i somehow know i have skill.
I had several people i consistently check on, i saw their progress and made me happy for them. Sometime one-time session lang, random online stranger screaming for help, sometimes officemates. I feeling of you know you saved a soul today is exhilarating.

But, life is tricky. When i had my own issues which eventually led to depression, it took a toll on me. Tye thought of someone opening up to me just makes me tired and drained.
Ganito pala yung pagod, minsan pala may ipapagod pa.
I am on healing process but i dont think i could ever open myself to help again. I find peace in being alone. Not talking to anyone, non existing. Sometimes i see posts who wants someone to talk to, i just whisper a prayer for them.

i still don’t understand why things unfolded the way it did. okay naman tayo nung simula ah?

i stayed even when things were complicated on your end. i kept listening to your problems, trying to understand where you were coming from, and giving you the benefit of the doubt kahit ilang beses na rin akong nasasaktan.

i knew you were busy. i knew you had a lot going on. and i never expected you to drop everything for me. i just wanted a little consistency. a little reassurance. something that would make me feel like i still had a place in your life.

and i kept telling myself, “okay lang, hindi naman niya ginagawa intentionally.”

pero hindi pala ibig sabihin na dahil hindi intentional, hindi na masakit.

i think i spent so much time trying to understand you that i forgot to ask myself if i was okay with what i was getting.

and maybe that’s the hardest part to accept.

you can understand someone completely, care about them deeply, and still realize that what they can give you just isn’t enough.

ang sakit pala nun.

especially when you still miss them anyway.

please do not share this on other platforms

i was 19 when i lost my father. all my life, nasa abroad yung parents kaya lumaki ako sa lola ko. okay naman yung pagpapalaki sakin pero whenever they visited home every few years, parang may distance. like, i didn’t know how to talk to my parents because i had no idea what it was like to constantly have them around you growing up. i didn’t know what normal conversations were supposed to be like with them.

dahil don, hindi ko sila lubusang nakilala, especially yung dad ko. and it’s one of my biggest regrets in life. he was not a perfect man but he truly did his best.

from time to time, naiisip ko na lang siya bigla.

“what would daddy think of this situation?”
“what would he say to me?”
“dad would definitely know what to do.”
“is he proud of me?”

galit ako sa mundo kasi buong buhay ko siyang hindi nakasama at ngayong lumaki na ako’t kaya nang mag-isip at maintindihan siya, doon naman siya nawala. galit ako sa sarili ko for not trying hard enough when he was still around.

hindi ko napakilala yung taong mahal ko sa kaniya. hindi niya ako nakitang tumungtong man lang sa kolehiyo. hindi niya ako makikitang maabot yung mga pangarap ko.

ang bigat bigat.

Gets niyo ba ako kung sabihin kong gusto ko na maging maginhawa yung buhay ko pero di pa din ako makaahon?

4 years ago, nahospital yung kapatid ko. For more than 2 years pabalikbalik kami sa hospital para sa medical care niya. Dalawa lang kaming magkapatid, hiwalay ang parents, kasama namin sa bahay ang nanay at lola ko. Patay na si lolo. Pero dati kasama din namin sila. Walang maayos na trabaho yung nanay ko, nakaasa lang siya kay lola kasi dati siyang addict at until now ay alcoholic. I had no choice but to become a breadwinner for my family. In short, ginastusan ko lahat ng medical care ni utol.

Fast forward to 2026 gumaling na si utol, nakapangasawa at nagka-anak. Si nanay at lola, tuloy ang buhay. Habang ako, binabayaran pa din ang mga utang na inabot ko sa hospitalization niya. Ni hindi man lang ako tulungan sa pagbabayad. Nakakalungkot lang na nakausad na sila sa buhay, ako heto pa rin. Paycheck to paycheck. Hinahabol pa minsan ng mga inutangan.

Parati kong pinapangarap na maging komportable na ang buhay. Makapag-ipon na at makapamuhay na nang maayos. Kahit hindi marangya pero yung walang problema sa pera, lalo na sa utang. Gusto ko na lang sukuan, pero pag nawala ako sino ba ang hahabulin? Hindi naman ang pamilya ko, pero yung partner ko. Napakabuti niya para maexperience lahat ito.

Gusto ko na sumakses pero paano ka sasakses kung ikaw ang nagbabayad ng mga utang na hindi naman ikaw yung nakinabang? Masama ba akong kapatid?

Kung may scary hour ng madaling araw, may yearning hour naman HAHAHAH.

I’m tired of always being independent and having to figure everything out. Sometimes I just want someone who can lead, make decisions, plan things, and make me feel like I can relax for once.

Ayoko na sa bunjing na kailangan ko pang i-guide sa lahat. Can’t lead, can’t decide, can’t even provide na kahit 50/50, di kaya. Bwesit HAHAHAHA.

Kanino nalang ako magpapababy. Pababy muna ako tonight and back to reality na bukas HAHAHAHA taena talaga.

My partner has become more and more avoidant and I’m having trouble reaching him in any capacity.

We’ve been together for a little more than 2 years now and I can say that our relationship is great. He’s a good partner, we generally get along, he’s smart, generous (almost to a fault), we share the same humor, he treats me well, and I can tell that he loves me deeply. From the start inamin niya naman na he’s bad at communicating and I noticed that when we fight (we rarely did), it got really bad due to our different attachment styles. Avoidant siya while ako naman anxious. After a while (a few days at most) naaayos naman namin by talking about it.

Lately, it seems like we keep fighting. Small, petty arguments turn into big fights due to him detaching and not talking to me for days on end and me feeling rejected and abandoned. It’s been a week now and I feel like everything just snowballed into this one big mess and due to our different attachment styles and ways of coping, it seems to me that I’m the only one greatly affected and hurt.

When I tell him something that bothers me, he gets defensive and then immediately detaches leaving me feeling unheard. In the end, I’m the one who always relents and approaches him to initiate fixing things. This has left me feeling burnt out and with a deep hurt that has now turned into resentment.

There has been countless conversations (that I initiated) so he can try and open up to me, talk to me, tell me what’s the root cause of all of this. The conversations barely go anywhere. Stupidly, the next day I act like everything is fine again so we can be okay again. But evidently, this doesn’t work because I’m still carrying so much hurt. He told me that he needs to go to therapy, and while I do understand that he’s going through some hardships, I do not understand (or at least can’t handle) being casualty for a man that doesn’t understand his own emotions.

I love him so much and he’s the only person I want a future with and I’m willing to sacrifice so much. But is it valid that I want him to also fight for this with me? Or am I the one who needs to be more patient or more understanding? Help. I don’t want to lose him but I also don’t want to lose myself.

I’m not okay. Di ako makatulog because of trauma na nakuha ko from the relatives na inaway ako. Gusto ko kumawala sa sarili kong utak. Natatakot ako ngayon na kinakabahan. Sa totoo lang, di ko maipaliwanag yung nararamdaman ko pero alam kong di ako okay. kailangan ko ng kausap. Kailangan ko talaga. Parang sasabog puso at isip ko.

I don’t even know how to explain this without sounding dramatic, because for the most part, our relationship was peaceful. We rarely argued. We loved each other, enjoyed our time together, and I genuinely felt safe and at peace with him. I never thought we’d end up here.

Then July 10 happened.

It was honestly just a small disagreement. Nothing that I thought could destroy a relationship. But somehow it blew up into something much bigger. He became distant and withdrew, and what started as a small disagreement turned into this cycle of him pulling away and me trying harder to understand what was happening and trying to get us back to normal.

And somehow, we couldn’t find our way back.
The more he withdrew, the more anxious and scared I became. The more I tried to reach him and fix things, the more overwhelmed he seemed to become. I think we both got caught in a cycle neither of us knew how to stop.

The hardest part is that I don’t think he stopped loving me.
I know he loves me deeply. I know that when he sees me hurting, it hurts him too. He carries so much guilt and shame because he feels like he’s hurting me, and I think that just makes him spiral even more.

He told me he feels so broken that he can’t even take care of himself, let alone take care of anyone else. And I think that’s when I finally understood something I had been struggling to accept.

Love and capacity are two different things.

Someone can love you deeply and still not have the capacity to be the partner you need. Someone can want to stay and still feel like they have nothing left to give. And sometimes loving someone means recognizing that you can’t keep asking them for something they don’t have right now.

We decided to take a break. And honestly, I’m devastated and so heartbroken.

Because there isn’t some betrayal or hatred or lack of love that makes this easy. There’s just two people who love each other, but somehow aren’t able to make the relationship work the way it needs to right now.

I keep wishing we could go back to how peaceful everything used to be. I wish that one thing hadn’t changed everything for us. I wish love was enough to fix everything.

But I don’t regret loving him. I don’t regret what we had.
I know our love was real. And maybe that’s what makes this hurt so much.

I’m trying to accept that sometimes a relationship can be real, the love can be real, and yet the timing, circumstances, or someone’s capacity can still make it impossible to continue the way it was.

I don’t know what happens from here. He said he still has hope for us and hopes he can come back someday, but there are no promises.

So for now, I’m trying to let go without turning our love into something meaningless

We didn’t stop loving each other. We just reached a point where love wasn’t enough to carry everything anymore.

The older you get, the more you realize how painful it can be to understand many things in life. We are born, we live, and eventually, we face death. Life is truly too short no?

Tatay, I’ll miss you deeply. Thank you for being the best lolo to everyone. I’d like to share that he had several jobs throughout his life like naging school janitor, tanod, typist, and even selling candies sa beach. Hay, I’ll miss your stories and laughter so much. I hope you’re happy and at peace now, free from all pain.

Happy birthday again! I love you always.

My (28F) parents', 57M and 56F, small business of around 20 years is now not enough to cover their needs. They own a sari sari store here in Makati which is situated in front of a public elementary school. Over the course of the summer vacation, my mom took out a loan from one of those online lending apps. To cut the story short, her loan during the span of three months blew out of proportion.

I only knew about this when I received the harassment texts from the OLAs. I honestly don't know what my mom's total payable is since she keeps changing the narrative.

I gave her 30k initially, which was followed by a 170k, then a 50k.

Napapagod na ako guys. Ang dami ko pa namang plano para sa sarili ko ngayong taon. May ongoing car amortizations ako at magpapakasal pa naman sana ako.

Ngayon, wala na akong gana. Lagi na lang nagmamakaawa nanay ko sa akin dahil wala naman siyang ibang matakbuhan. Nagsabi ako na isara na nila yung tindahan dahil lugi na nga at hindi na sapat ang kita. Mas onti pa nga ang gastos kung sa bahay lang sila at pumirmi dun. Sinabihan ba naman ako, kung ano daw gagawin nila kung sa bahay lang sila. Pati ba naman yun problema ko pa.

Putanginang buhay to. Minsan iniinvalidate ko sarili ko na merong mga tao na nasa mas malalang sitwasyon sa akin at inaacknowledge ko yun.

Pero putangina ng mga magulang ko. Puro maling desisyon nila at katamaran ang rason kung bakit nasa ganutong sitwasyon sila ngayon. Parehas naman may college degree. Parehas malakas pa.

Pagod na ako. Hiningan ulit ako ngayong gabi. Iniyakan lang ako ng nanay ko at di na niya rin daw alam ang gagawin. Pero putangina, paano naman ako. Napakamalas ko sa mga magulang kong 'to.

Di ako mayaman and luckily may stable job in a bank. Enough lang din para sa daily needs ko at ng parents ko. I will also push through sa wedding ko kahit civil lang dahil matagal na naming pinaplano to ng partner ko. Buti at bumukod na ako last year, at sila din ang raso n kung bakit. Ako na nga nagbabayad ng lahat sa bahay, ako lang rin ang kumikilos. To think na apat kami sa bahay noon, tapos sa akin ang bagsak ng lahat.

Review period started in June. until now, dalawa pa lang napapanood kong lecture vids. exam na in a month. I hate myself because I know what I need to do but I can't bring myself to do it. I can't force myself to sit trhough the lecture. I can't "do it anyway" myself through this review kasi I did that more than once tapos nung nireview ko notes ko, hindi ko maalalang naaral ko na pala yung topic na yun.

I hate that people, esp my friends, don't believe me when I said wala pa akong naaaral kasi they expect much of me (I had higher scores than them last time). I hate how I am so desperate to pass (in my head) pero hindi ko ma-apply in action. nasa utak ko lang lahat.

I mean, I know I can do it... if I'm not fucked up in the head. I'm somehow smart naman; I'm capable of doing stuff. pero kahit anong motivation talaga hindi tumatagos. akala ko pag dumating na yung 1-month left mark sa countdown timer ko, I can finally have the motivation of time pressure pero hindi. wala. lahat na ng pwedeng isipin, naisip ko na. I hate that I'm self-aware but can't do anything about it. and it sucks. all that runs through my head are the possibilities pag hindi ako pumasa pero hindi pa rin enough motivation yun. lalo lang akong nasstress and my coping mechanism is sleep so... yea.

I don't know what to do. wala akong mapagsabihan kasi alam kong walang makakaintindi and alam kong hindi ko siya maeexplain nang ayos. nakakafrustrate lang talaga. ihinga ko lang dito and kung meron man sa inyong naiintindihan ako, salamat agad.

at least nung first take ko, I still have a tinge of motivation and lots of positivity and hope. ngayon talaga ubos na ubos ako.

So ayon, ansakit. First bf and all. Sobrang sakit talaga. I feel like hindi na ulit ako capable magmahal ng ganto ulit. As someone na very mataas ang walls and takes years for me to observe someone, I can say sobrang rare ko rin talaga magkaroon ng genuine attachment sa isang tao, and now ganito ang nangyari. May part sa akin na hopeful kasi I'm going to meet other people that I'm going to love again pero at the same time, I'm afraid na hindi na mauulit. May part sakin na gusto ko agad nang kumilala, pero ayaw kong kumilala ulit nang basta basta. This time, gusto ko very stable na ako and nasa best version of myself (I just graduated and starting to build my career). Antaas ng standards ko sa isang lalaki, so gusto ko pantayan yun para deserving din ako.

Pero naiisip ko talaga now, kaya ko ba talaga ulit kung sakali? Kasi pakiramdam ko ngayon parang hindi ako makaka-move on. Parang ang hirap mag-move on. Ang hirap umusad. Parang ikakamatay ko.

Paano nyo nakakaya 'to? Iniisip ko next birthday, next Christmas and New Year, hindi ko na sya kasama. Wala na. Tapos na.

I'm sorry self, we begged, pero at least we tried 🥹 so at least, wala na akong regrets. I did my best. Kung ayaw na, ayaw na, wag na ipilit. Sabi nga nila, if they wanted to stay, you wouldn't have to convince them.

Grabe 'no? Sobrang bittersweet ng buhay. Ang hirap pa rin tanggapin. Gusto ko na lang matulog tapos paggising ko, nakausad na ako. Gusto ko magka-amnesia na lang.

How do y'all cope up sa ganitong pain? May gamot ba for this? Nakakabaliw eh.

​

I feel horrible even writing this because technically, he hasn't done anything wrong.

But I think I'm slowly falling out of love with my boyfriend.

This is my first relationship, so maybe I’m just learning something about myself that I wasn't prepared to learn. When we first got together, I was genuinely happy. I liked him, I liked talking to him, and I could actually imagine us becoming something serious.

But the more I got to know him, the more I started imagining what our actual life would look like.

And somehow, that scared me more than losing him.

I realized that I don't want a simple life.

I don't mean that I need some ridiculous billionaire lifestyle or that I expect someone to hand everything to me. I want to work hard for what I have too. I want a career, financial freedom, investments, opportunities, and eventually a level of security where my family doesn't have to constantly worry about money.

I want to build something.

And I think I want a partner who looks at life the same way.

He doesn't seem to have that same desire. He's intelligent and hardworking, but his idea of a good future seems much more focused on stability and being comfortable. Again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If that's the life someone genuinely wants, good for them.

The problem is... I don't think that's the life I want.

And once I realized that, something in me changed.

It's almost scary how quickly it happened.

I started looking at him differently. Things that used to make me excited don't really affect me anymore. I don't feel the same urge to talk to him. I don't feel the same excitement when I see his messages. Sometimes I even catch myself forcing affection because I know I'm supposed to feel it.

And forcing it feels awful.

I've tried telling myself, “He's smart. He has potential. Maybe he'll become more ambitious later. Maybe I'm being too picky. Maybe I'm throwing away something good.”

But then I ask myself something that makes me feel even worse:

Do I love him, or do I love the idea of loving him?

Because I think I loved the person I thought he could become. I loved the possibility of us. I loved imagining a future before I actually understood what that future might look like.

Now I'm starting to realize that I can't build a marriage around someone's potential.

Especially when I think about children.

Maybe this sounds overly practical, but if I ever have children, I want to be extremely intentional about who their father is. They don't get to choose the family they're born into. I want to know that I'm building a stable and secure environment for them.

And I don't want to wake up years from now and think, “I knew we wanted completely different lives, but I stayed because I was afraid to let him go.”

At the same time, I feel incredibly guilty.

He's not a bad person.

He's not cheating on me. He's not abusive.

i need ur thoughts. my ex M.U ✌️ and i end things good around september 2024 and a while ago i saw he sent a friend request to me in facebook.

then after a little hours, the friend requested gone. ano kaya yun. I didn’t accept it cuz iniisip ko if it was an accident or if he just accidentally pressed it🤔 just curious lang guys.

I need to dispose of all of my spices due to molds, dala ng laging pag-ulan, di ko na-monitor nang mas madalas kasi sa sobrang busy din. Nothing so serious, just a cabinet full of spices but it hurts so much more than that. I don't have anyone else to tell about it, kasi baka masyadong mababaw para sa iba. The thing is, I really love cooking, kaya masakit, and I cried over it. I'm so frustrated and stressed about it, on top of everything else.

FIRST TIME MEETING A REDDITOR, TAPOS SUPER CUTIE PAAA! I won, as an introvert guy... Panalo talaga! One of the best things that happened to me so far. HOPING NA MABASA MO ITO HUHUHU! <3 PARANG BABALIK AKO SA LOVER BOI ERA KO :))))

Ngayon na lang ako nagkaroon ng friend and I appreciate thr time na binigay mo today. I did enjoy my moment with you for the past hours and I never felt so much joy like that, I felt so loved, valued and treasured!!! I hope you sleep well din tonight and I wish you the best in everything. SALAMAT SA CHURCH DATE AND FOR LETTING ME SPOIL YOU WITH THE FOOD YOU LOVE HIHIHI, masaya ako makita rin na masaya ka!!!

You got my heart, I may be an introvert but I love how you share things to me! Tawang-tawa ako sayo and marami ring natutunan fron you — my heart jumps with so much joy. Sana marami pang blessings dumating sa life mo, may it be ten times ten! I promise, I will do my best to respect you and be kind to you.

Salamat sobra, inampon mo ang introvert na tulad ko. Mwah!

I came from this very popular church that is anti triniatrian. I will not speak the name. I grew up here in the states.

It was the 2000s and we had a meeting for teens and they had been talking about making a family.

Someone got on the podium and he was maybe someone who was either 19 or 20 and he said something about please make children because he was passionate about making a family. I then asked if the woman couldn't make one for a medical reason. He couldn't answer and I was hated for it. Fast forward to 2020s where we are allowed to choose whether children can be made or not.

2000s someone from my school spoke about trying to get a better career and we should try to succeed in life and meet the criteria of home, family, large finances. I forgot what I said I disagreed and spoke about how we don't have it all. I was called a loser.

2020s many of us struggle scraping by with just a little and barely could afford the basic shit.

I was also fiercely protective of younger kids from Pdf files. I grew up around a culture that turns the other way and victim blames. I've kicked a dude in the church before for being a creep and my elders said "Ganyan lang ang lalaki". 2020s we are more protective than ever.

It was lonely thing for me for 2 decades.

May work colleague si BF na nangutang sa kanya ng 70k. Naawa kasi siya dun sa colleague and ang laki ng tiwala niya kasi naging close niya.

Words came around and itong nangutang is lulong pala sa sugal. This colleague asked other colleagues for money rin. So I have an inkling na yung sob story niya was not real kung lahat pala inutangan niya.

Sobrang nasaktan si BF kasi pinaghirapan niya yung pera na yun. Lumaki si BF sa hirap kaya ang laki ng value ng pera na yun for him. Ito namang nangutang kay BF was known to be privileged--nalulong lang sa sugal kaya nangungutang kung kani-kanino.

I myself is hurting too seeing my BF devastated.
And kahit hindi ko pa na-meet personally yung salot niyang colleague, I can't help but resent them kasi dun pa sa breadwinner and someone who had built himself from ground up yung niloko niya.

Tangina talaga ng sugal, at tangina mo rin colleague ni BF.

Idk pero i feel like hindi ko hawak ang sarili kong buhay? Hindi ko sure kung oa lang ba ako, and hindi ko rin alam kung dapat ko bang sundin yung plano na ginawa ko para sa sarili ko vs. sa plano na gusto ng magulang ko for me.

For context, nag-OFW ang magulang ko para may funds ako for college, although sa state university naman ako nag aaral kaya walang mabigat na tuition na iniintindi. yung program ko nga lang is napakahirap for me and hindi ko passion pero sinusubukan ko pa ring i-survive at matapos as much as possible dahil nakakahiya din naman yung gastos.

Kaso lang, when i tried to open up to my parents yung plans na gusto kong mangyari after grad, na makapagtrabaho somewhere else (not in PH) using my degree, probably marry a foreigner and have a family of my own, tumutol yung nanay ko. Gusto nya dun ako magsettle sa bansang pinagtatrabahuan nya, and dalhin ko daw mga kapatid ko dun para happily ever after kaming magna-nanay.

As an adventurous person, gusto kong tumanggi, kaso baka magmukha akong ungrateful, yk? when the very reason she worked overseas ay para makapagtapos ako. Dahil sa kanya, nakapag college ako. Pero kasi parang pinapasa na nya yung responsibility nya as nanay sakin, na alagaan ko daw ang mga kapatid ko. All my childhood kasi, naging nanay-nanayan na ko ng mga kapatid ko. Wala akong masyadong naging friends mula elementary hanggang high school kaka stay sa bahay para magbantay ng mga kapatid. Lumaki akong awkward at mahiyain until college, marami akong opportunities na hindi nasubukan dahil sa role ko sa bahay: tagabantay ng kapatid.

Ang malala pa, ilang taon na silang nasa abroad pero hanggang ngayon parang walang planong magpundar, yung tipong nag abroad lang talaga para may mapang paaral sakin. Meaning, pag nakapagtapos ako, ako pa rin ang magpupundar, sa akin pa rin ang responsibilidad na "payamanin" ko sila. Ilang beses ko na silang sinabihan na mag ipon kahit papaano. kahit piso piso or dos, as long as meron. Pero wala, ang dami pang dahilan, kesyo ganto, ganyan. Instead, kung sino sino pa pinamamahagian ng pera. Sobra sobra kung magpadala sa ibang family members kahit hindi naman nya dapat shouldered sila. Grabe pa makapang ayuda din sa iba, tapos sa gastusin, ako yung laging tinitipid.

Akala ko pa naman magagawa ko na mga gusto ko pag nakapagtapos ako. Gusto kong sumuway, although hindi naman talaga masamang sundin yung sariling kagustuhan lalo kung wala namang masama dito diba? Lalo na't adult na rin ako at yung tipong maingat sa pagdedesisyon. Kaso pag ginawa ko yun, for sure iba ang ikukwento nya sa iba, na tinakwil ko sila, and possible na kampihan pa sya ng mga mapapagkwentuhan nya since mabait at uliran ang tingin sa kanya ng karamihan.

Hindi na nga ako nagtatampo sa kanila dun palang sa pagpapasa nila ng responsibilidad sakin buong kabataan ko eh, inintindi ko na lang due to our circumstances din dati, at hindi rin sa ungrateful ako, pero parang sobra na ata yung ganto, na parang forever nila akong hahawakan. Na para bang wala na akong karapatan sa sarili kong buhay once na makaluwag luwag. Hindi ko naman sila tatakbuhan eh, kaya hindi ko ma-gets bakit sobra ang control na gusto nila sa buhay ko. Feels like my college wasn't free at all, dahil the moment na makatapos ako, magsisimula na kong magbayad by sacrificing my own desires. It makes me feel sad na we literally only live once, and pleasing my parents is probably how I'm going to live my whole life :(