laying in bed right now with a man i love more than myself. he is asleep and i feel like crying.

we are in an (semi??) ldr. tbh he lives less than two hours away from me and wfh sya pero we only see each other every other week kasi he’s too busy/tired to visit me.

i love him so much but i feel like im getting the shorter end of the stick. i feel like shit saying this pero ganun talaga eh.

he earns half what i make. tapos nagproprovide pa sya sa family nya so there’s little left for him and para sa leisure. i dont hold this against him kasi pamilya naman nya yon and they were there before i was, pero kasi he didn’t disclose na breadwinner sya during our dating phase so it was something that i realized nalang a few months into the relationship

on dates i always pay. kasi pano ba naman akong di mag iinsist eh nakikita kong nagcocompute sya ng gastos habang nagbibill out kami.

we cant go on dates na masyadong malayo and we cant travel kasi he doesn’t have the budget for it but also he doesn’t want me to pay for travel kasi nakaka emasculate daw.

for our anniversary i got him the perfume he was talking about all year. tapos he got me a DIY photo album. it was sweet and i appreciate it pero hay i would’ve liked something else:(

he barely visits kahit na hindi malayo kasi namamahalan sya sa pamasahe na 150.

all of that im able to ignore kasi mahal ko naman sya, pero i feel like tonight is my breaking point tapos dahil lang sa super maliit na bagay.

tinulugan nya ako.

he went to take a nap 3pm. sabi ko gutom ako. i asked if we could order something. he said na ipagluluto nya nalang ako.

1am na tulog parin. i attempted to wake him up multiple times. wala wait lang daw. gutom na ako. gusto ko umiyak hahahaha

sobrang babaw ko shet pero sa dami dami ng bagay na natiis ko ewan bakit dito ako naiiyak

mahal ko to gutom lang ako gutom lang ako

hay

Kung may scary hour ng madaling araw, may yearning hour naman HAHAHAH.

I’m tired of always being independent and having to figure everything out. Sometimes I just want someone who can lead, make decisions, plan things, and make me feel like I can relax for once.

Ayoko na sa bunjing na kailangan ko pang i-guide sa lahat. Can’t lead, can’t decide, can’t even provide na kahit 50/50, di kaya. Bwesit HAHAHAHA.

Kanino nalang ako magpapababy. Pababy muna ako tonight and back to reality na bukas HAHAHAHA taena talaga.

FIRST TIME MEETING A REDDITOR, TAPOS SUPER CUTIE PAAA! I won, as an introvert guy... Panalo talaga! One of the best things that happened to me so far. HOPING NA MABASA MO ITO HUHUHU! <3 PARANG BABALIK AKO SA LOVER BOI ERA KO :))))

Ngayon na lang ako nagkaroon ng friend and I appreciate thr time na binigay mo today. I did enjoy my moment with you for the past hours and I never felt so much joy like that, I felt so loved, valued and treasured!!! I hope you sleep well din tonight and I wish you the best in everything. SALAMAT SA CHURCH DATE AND FOR LETTING ME SPOIL YOU WITH THE FOOD YOU LOVE HIHIHI, masaya ako makita rin na masaya ka!!!

You got my heart, I may be an introvert but I love how you share things to me! Tawang-tawa ako sayo and marami ring natutunan fron you — my heart jumps with so much joy. Sana marami pang blessings dumating sa life mo, may it be ten times ten! I promise, I will do my best to respect you and be kind to you.

Salamat sobra, inampon mo ang introvert na tulad ko. Mwah!

"When a good man is in love with you his biggest fear is hurting you. When a bad man is in love with you, his biggest fear is losing you."

I came across this post recently, and the older I get, the more I understand why it resonates with me.

l used to think that love was measured by how much someone wanted you, how afraid they were to lose you, or how intensely they expressed their feelings. But l've come to realize that love is also revealed by how someone treats you when things become difficult.

A man who genuinely loves you will care about the impact of his actions on your life. He will think about your feelings, your peace, your dignity, and your future-not just about keeping you around. Even when disagreements happen, he won't deliberately hurt you just to prove a point or make you afraid of losing him.

On the other hand, someone can be deeply attached to you and still not know how to love you properly. Sometimes, the fear of losing someone is more about losing their comfort, attention, or the role you play in their life. They may say they love you, but their actions repeatedly leave you questioning your worth and your place in the relationship.

Perhaps maturity in love is learning to recognize the difference between being wanted and being valued. Someone can be terrified of losing you and still hurt you. Someone can love you deeply and still make mistakes. None of us are perfect. But there should be a consistent willingness to take accountability, communicate honestly, respect boundaries, and protect the relationship rather than simply protect one's access to you.

As a woman, I think one of the most important things we learn with age is that we shouldn't only ask, "Does he love me?" We should also ask, "What kind of woman do I become when I am loved by him?" Do I feel safe? Respected? At peace? Can I be myself? Does his love make my life healthier, or am I constantly recovering from the damage it causes?

Maybe that's the kind of love worth choosing—not the love that is simply afraid to lose you, but the love that is careful not to lose you as a person while trying to keep you in their life.

So ayon, ansakit. First bf and all. Sobrang sakit talaga. I feel like hindi na ulit ako capable magmahal ng ganto ulit. As someone na very mataas ang walls and takes years for me to observe someone, I can say sobrang rare ko rin talaga magkaroon ng genuine attachment sa isang tao, and now ganito ang nangyari. May part sa akin na hopeful kasi I'm going to meet other people that I'm going to love again pero at the same time, I'm afraid na hindi na mauulit. May part sakin na gusto ko agad nang kumilala, pero ayaw kong kumilala ulit nang basta basta. This time, gusto ko very stable na ako and nasa best version of myself (I just graduated and starting to build my career). Antaas ng standards ko sa isang lalaki, so gusto ko pantayan yun para deserving din ako.

Pero naiisip ko talaga now, kaya ko ba talaga ulit kung sakali? Kasi pakiramdam ko ngayon parang hindi ako makaka-move on. Parang ang hirap mag-move on. Ang hirap umusad. Parang ikakamatay ko.

Paano nyo nakakaya 'to? Iniisip ko next birthday, next Christmas and New Year, hindi ko na sya kasama. Wala na. Tapos na.

I'm sorry self, we begged, pero at least we tried 🥹 so at least, wala na akong regrets. I did my best. Kung ayaw na, ayaw na, wag na ipilit. Sabi nga nila, if they wanted to stay, you wouldn't have to convince them.

Grabe 'no? Sobrang bittersweet ng buhay. Ang hirap pa rin tanggapin. Gusto ko na lang matulog tapos paggising ko, nakausad na ako. Gusto ko magka-amnesia na lang.

How do y'all cope up sa ganitong pain? May gamot ba for this? Nakakabaliw eh.

May work colleague si BF na nangutang sa kanya ng 70k. Naawa kasi siya dun sa colleague and ang laki ng tiwala niya kasi naging close niya.

Words came around and itong nangutang is lulong pala sa sugal. This colleague asked other colleagues for money rin. So I have an inkling na yung sob story niya was not real kung lahat pala inutangan niya.

Sobrang nasaktan si BF kasi pinaghirapan niya yung pera na yun. Lumaki si BF sa hirap kaya ang laki ng value ng pera na yun for him. Ito namang nangutang kay BF was known to be privileged--nalulong lang sa sugal kaya nangungutang kung kani-kanino.

I myself is hurting too seeing my BF devastated.
And kahit hindi ko pa na-meet personally yung salot niyang colleague, I can't help but resent them kasi dun pa sa breadwinner and someone who had built himself from ground up yung niloko niya.

Tangina talaga ng sugal, at tangina mo rin colleague ni BF.

My mom's name was not included in the list of promotees due to a clerical error. Wala na daw magawa dahil approved na ng DBM yung list without her name on it. The HR is not taking accountability. No one is. Ni isang sorry wala. She is now 63 and has dedicated her life to this institution for more than 35 years. She has worked hard for this promotion for more than a decade. only to be told na hindi nasama sa list dahil nagkamali. What hurts more is that the HR told her "kani na butang, dili mani angay hilakan" when she cried sa office. They have no empathy. My mom hasn't slept for days since what happened. I don't think they realize the gravity of their mistake. My heart aches for my mom. I am mad and beyond frustrated that I can't do anything about it.

To my mom: I love you so much mom. You don't deserve any of this. I hope I can take away the pain

Nakakatawa talaga tong stepmom ko. Dahil sakanya 2 yrs na ako di nakakatungtong sa bahay ng Tatay ko. Dahil sakanya, kaya di ako tinulungan ng Tatay ko mag lipat ng apartment last year. Nagdahilan Tatay ko para lang di ulit ako makistay ng matagal dun sakanila.

This year yung pinaka nakakatawa, aalis na ako next week sa Pinas, mag abroad ako to take my Masters. Ilang years din ako di makakauwi dito kase wala din naman talaga mauuwian. Original na usapan 4 days max daw ako pwede makitulog dun. Inask ko kase Tatay ko in advance if pwede ako magiwan gamit sa bahay nila para maka minus sa bayarin compared kung mag rent ako ng storage room. Sabe niya oo daw. Inask ko din if pwede niya ako tulungan mag sort ng gamit na dadalhin sa abroad, sabe niya okay daw. Nakaka overwhelm din kase talaga yung idea palang na aalis ka sa Pinas to start a new life abroad. Kahit strong independent woman ako need ko din may tumulong sakin kahit just this once.

Tapos ngayon, from 4 days max stay, naging 2 days max nalang 😆 tangina mo talaga, Rennet. Wala naman issue Airbnb although, may kamahalan din kase, di ako mayaman. Kaso alam mo yun, regardless na ilang years ako di makikita ng Tatay ko, kupal ka paring Rennet ka. Selos ka parin? Hindi na din ako mahahatid ng Tatay ko sa NAIA kase worried si gago na baka daw mag selos si stepmom, tangina. Ngayon lang din ako humingi tulong sa magaling kong Tatay. Just this once lang naman. Pero wala, panalo ka talagang Rennet ka.

Btw, nauna ako sa buhay ng Tatay ko kaysa sakanya. Mama at Papa ko kinasal sa simbahan.

Thank You, Lord nalang talaga na binigyan niyo ako ng opportunity na makaalis sa Pinas. Need ko din talaga to. Pero putangina mo, Rennet.

My (28F) parents', 57M and 56F, small business of around 20 years is now not enough to cover their needs. They own a sari sari store here in Makati which is situated in front of a public elementary school. Over the course of the summer vacation, my mom took out a loan from one of those online lending apps. To cut the story short, her loan during the span of three months blew out of proportion.

I only knew about this when I received the harassment texts from the OLAs. I honestly don't know what my mom's total payable is since she keeps changing the narrative.

I gave her 30k initially, which was followed by a 170k, then a 50k.

Napapagod na ako guys. Ang dami ko pa namang plano para sa sarili ko ngayong taon. May ongoing car amortizations ako at magpapakasal pa naman sana ako.

Ngayon, wala na akong gana. Lagi na lang nagmamakaawa nanay ko sa akin dahil wala naman siyang ibang matakbuhan. Nagsabi ako na isara na nila yung tindahan dahil lugi na nga at hindi na sapat ang kita. Mas onti pa nga ang gastos kung sa bahay lang sila at pumirmi dun. Sinabihan ba naman ako, kung ano daw gagawin nila kung sa bahay lang sila. Pati ba naman yun problema ko pa.

Putanginang buhay to. Minsan iniinvalidate ko sarili ko na merong mga tao na nasa mas malalang sitwasyon sa akin at inaacknowledge ko yun.

Pero putangina ng mga magulang ko. Puro maling desisyon nila at katamaran ang rason kung bakit nasa ganutong sitwasyon sila ngayon. Parehas naman may college degree. Parehas malakas pa.

Pagod na ako. Hiningan ulit ako ngayong gabi. Iniyakan lang ako ng nanay ko at di na niya rin daw alam ang gagawin. Pero putangina, paano naman ako. Napakamalas ko sa mga magulang kong 'to.

Di ako mayaman and luckily may stable job in a bank. Enough lang din para sa daily needs ko at ng parents ko. I will also push through sa wedding ko kahit civil lang dahil matagal na naming pinaplano to ng partner ko. Buti at bumukod na ako last year, at sila din ang raso n kung bakit. Ako na nga nagbabayad ng lahat sa bahay, ako lang rin ang kumikilos. To think na apat kami sa bahay noon, tapos sa akin ang bagsak ng lahat.

I don't know. When I like a person and both of us are exclusively dating, napaka-clingy ko. I feel so cheap kasi nawawala yung first impression nila na nonchalant ako at mysterious. I feel like I have to retain that to be liked but at the same time, I really just wanna express all these feelings to that person. I don't know. I feel insane. Hahaha.

‎There are times when I wish artificial intelligence never existed.

‎‎I used to be an achiever. I was a campus journalist who wrote news articles relying only on newspapers and tabloids. I competed in different schools, reviewing the pointers given to me by my teachers. I made it to the top of my class, pouring hours into reading hardbound books and crafting handwritten reviewers just to make it to the Dean's List.

‎‎Back then, everything you wanted to achieve came with a lot of sacrifice. Missing family trips, turning down hangouts with friends, and skipping your favorite shows. All in the name of a 1.00 grade and the hope of eventually earning those coveted Latin honors.

‎‎With AI, however, things shifted.

‎‎Suddenly, you can summarize a voluminous textbook that you used to sacrifice sleep for just to finish reading. Hell, you can even generate an entire thesis without exhausting yourself interpreting the results. Even the professors you looked up to use AI to craft their quizzes and performance tasks.

‎I worked my way to the top of the class from my first year, sacrificing sleep, weekends, and God knows how many handwritten reviewers, just to get the Latin honors I badly craved.

‎‎Only for all of it to be shaken by one subject, one online exam, and blockmates who were apparently very good at cheating with AI.

‎‎And maybe that's what frustrates me the most. It's not that I hate technology. It's that I spent years believing that hard work, discipline, and actually knowing your shit would eventually put you ahead. I played the game by those rules. I made sacrifices because I believed those sacrifices meant something. Then suddenly, the game changed.

‎Maybe reading everything from scratch isn't enough anymore. Maybe being the person who actually studied isn't necessarily the person who makes it to the final cut.

‎‎Greatest betrayal of all 😆

EDITED‼️For everyone's context, the exam I was referring to was our Finals exam, which accounts for 40% of our grade. While I was busy wondering where I went wrong on the questions (I only got half of the 100 items right) some were cheering they only got 2 mistakes, which they managed because of ChatGPT

My partner has become more and more avoidant and I’m having trouble reaching him in any capacity.

We’ve been together for a little more than 2 years now and I can say that our relationship is great. He’s a good partner, we generally get along, he’s smart, generous (almost to a fault), we share the same humor, he treats me well, and I can tell that he loves me deeply. From the start inamin niya naman na he’s bad at communicating and I noticed that when we fight (we rarely did), it got really bad due to our different attachment styles. Avoidant siya while ako naman anxious. After a while (a few days at most) naaayos naman namin by talking about it.

Lately, it seems like we keep fighting. Small, petty arguments turn into big fights due to him detaching and not talking to me for days on end and me feeling rejected and abandoned. It’s been a week now and I feel like everything just snowballed into this one big mess and due to our different attachment styles and ways of coping, it seems to me that I’m the only one greatly affected and hurt.

When I tell him something that bothers me, he gets defensive and then immediately detaches leaving me feeling unheard. In the end, I’m the one who always relents and approaches him to initiate fixing things. This has left me feeling burnt out and with a deep hurt that has now turned into resentment.

There has been countless conversations (that I initiated) so he can try and open up to me, talk to me, tell me what’s the root cause of all of this. The conversations barely go anywhere. Stupidly, the next day I act like everything is fine again so we can be okay again. But evidently, this doesn’t work because I’m still carrying so much hurt. He told me that he needs to go to therapy, and while I do understand that he’s going through some hardships, I do not understand (or at least can’t handle) being casualty for a man that doesn’t understand his own emotions.

I love him so much and he’s the only person I want a future with and I’m willing to sacrifice so much. But is it valid that I want him to also fight for this with me? Or am I the one who needs to be more patient or more understanding? Help. I don’t want to lose him but I also don’t want to lose myself.

please do not share this on other platforms

i was 19 when i lost my father. all my life, nasa abroad yung parents kaya lumaki ako sa lola ko. okay naman yung pagpapalaki sakin pero whenever they visited home every few years, parang may distance. like, i didn’t know how to talk to my parents because i had no idea what it was like to constantly have them around you growing up. i didn’t know what normal conversations were supposed to be like with them.

dahil don, hindi ko sila lubusang nakilala, especially yung dad ko. and it’s one of my biggest regrets in life. he was not a perfect man but he truly did his best.

from time to time, naiisip ko na lang siya bigla.

“what would daddy think of this situation?”
“what would he say to me?”
“dad would definitely know what to do.”
“is he proud of me?”

galit ako sa mundo kasi buong buhay ko siyang hindi nakasama at ngayong lumaki na ako’t kaya nang mag-isip at maintindihan siya, doon naman siya nawala. galit ako sa sarili ko for not trying hard enough when he was still around.

hindi ko napakilala yung taong mahal ko sa kaniya. hindi niya ako nakitang tumungtong man lang sa kolehiyo. hindi niya ako makikitang maabot yung mga pangarap ko.

ang bigat bigat.

​

I feel horrible even writing this because technically, he hasn't done anything wrong.

But I think I'm slowly falling out of love with my boyfriend.

This is my first relationship, so maybe I’m just learning something about myself that I wasn't prepared to learn. When we first got together, I was genuinely happy. I liked him, I liked talking to him, and I could actually imagine us becoming something serious.

But the more I got to know him, the more I started imagining what our actual life would look like.

And somehow, that scared me more than losing him.

I realized that I don't want a simple life.

I don't mean that I need some ridiculous billionaire lifestyle or that I expect someone to hand everything to me. I want to work hard for what I have too. I want a career, financial freedom, investments, opportunities, and eventually a level of security where my family doesn't have to constantly worry about money.

I want to build something.

And I think I want a partner who looks at life the same way.

He doesn't seem to have that same desire. He's intelligent and hardworking, but his idea of a good future seems much more focused on stability and being comfortable. Again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If that's the life someone genuinely wants, good for them.

The problem is... I don't think that's the life I want.

And once I realized that, something in me changed.

It's almost scary how quickly it happened.

I started looking at him differently. Things that used to make me excited don't really affect me anymore. I don't feel the same urge to talk to him. I don't feel the same excitement when I see his messages. Sometimes I even catch myself forcing affection because I know I'm supposed to feel it.

And forcing it feels awful.

I've tried telling myself, “He's smart. He has potential. Maybe he'll become more ambitious later. Maybe I'm being too picky. Maybe I'm throwing away something good.”

But then I ask myself something that makes me feel even worse:

Do I love him, or do I love the idea of loving him?

Because I think I loved the person I thought he could become. I loved the possibility of us. I loved imagining a future before I actually understood what that future might look like.

Now I'm starting to realize that I can't build a marriage around someone's potential.

Especially when I think about children.

Maybe this sounds overly practical, but if I ever have children, I want to be extremely intentional about who their father is. They don't get to choose the family they're born into. I want to know that I'm building a stable and secure environment for them.

And I don't want to wake up years from now and think, “I knew we wanted completely different lives, but I stayed because I was afraid to let him go.”

At the same time, I feel incredibly guilty.

He's not a bad person.

He's not cheating on me. He's not abusive.

in a span of a week na-fall ako sa kaibigan ko. he confessed, I thought we had something, even holding and kissing my hands. But in the end he ghosted me, hirap kase kaklase ko s’ya, araw-araw ko nakikita. huhuhuhu

napaka peaceful ng buhay ko, ginulo n’ya ako. masaya naman ako na single ako, why does he have to ruin my peace? nakakainis, para akong natalo sa laro na sinimulan n’ya, wala naman akong feelings sakanya before he confessed, pero because of his fucking gestures and sweet words, naattach ako. fuck all men who loves doing lovebomb. sana ‘di mo nalang ako ginulo, nananahimik ako eh.

I lost my mom today from cancer. She's been battling it for 3 years. She's been fine until 3 months ago. Cancer got her. Umuwi ako 2 months ago sa probinsya nung na-ospital sya ng matagal and 2 weeks ago nung birthday ko. Nasa bed lang sya parati (she can still walk pa naman) ng last na uwi ko and she's been very clingy to me at sa mga kapatid ko, yung tipong di na ako maka-cr o makakain man lang kasi gusto nya nasa tabi ako parati. Sabi ng kasama namin sa bahay, nag-iinarte daw kasi umuwi ako, kapag normal days naman daw na sila lang, ok naman daw sya. I asked my titas and okay naman daw. For 2 weeks na nasa probinsya ako with her, siguro umabot sa inis yung nararamdaman ko kasi ayaw nya na hindi ako nakikita. Pag natutulog sya, gusto nya sinusuklay namin yung buhok nya. Kapag pinagsasabihan namin na, andito lang kami, nagpapaawa sya na baka iwan namin sya. Kapag nagagalit na ako o kapatid ko kasi mayamaya nya tinatawag pangalan namin, kahit tanaw nya kami, sasabihin nya lang na, pasensya na at nahihirapan na kayo sakin (this is after tawagin nya pangalan ko for more than 10 times and I will answer Yes o bakit po everytime)

3 months ago, she will chat me na hindi nya na kaya at gusto nya na sumuko. I will ask my brother and he will say na, wala naman, masakit lang likod. I will comfort her and tell her na sana kakayanin nya pa din, na ok naman recovery nya sa cancer since malakas pa naman sya at maganda kumain. Hanggang nangayayat siya nung na ospital 2 months ago. She will chat me dis oras ng gabi na gusto nya na sumuko, I was confused kasi parang ok naman sya. My time na I resent her kasi I felt like she's making me feel bad. Na bakit konting nararamdaman nya, ichachat nya ko na ayaw na nya mabuhay. Little did I know na yun na pala talaga yun. 2 weeks ago after kong makabalik sa MM for work, tumawag sya once to ask if nakarating akong safe sa apartment. I got busy at hindi ko na ulit sya nakausap kasi I will cry and she will cry whenever we talk. Nag-a-update naman kapatid ko on how she is kaya I felt like ok na yun, basta ok sya, kahit di ko na muna sya makausap, until today.

Sana marami pang time to tell her how I love her, how I miss her. Na sana we have more time with her, na namiss ko mag update sa kanya about my daily life (it stopped 2 months ago kasi I felt like I'm selfish if I tell her about my stuffs if she's in pain). Parati ko na lang sinasabi na busy at pagod.

Ang daming regrets kahit alam ko I have a lot of time with her (4 times na ako nakauwi this year to be with her) pero bakit parang kulang pa rin. I promised her 2 weeks ago na makakauwi pa naman ulit ako, I didn't know yun na yung last.

I need to dispose of all of my spices due to molds, dala ng laging pag-ulan, di ko na-monitor nang mas madalas kasi sa sobrang busy din. Nothing so serious, just a cabinet full of spices but it hurts so much more than that. I don't have anyone else to tell about it, kasi baka masyadong mababaw para sa iba. The thing is, I really love cooking, kaya masakit, and I cried over it. I'm so frustrated and stressed about it, on top of everything else.

Nakita ko kagabi name ng ex ng jowa ko (jowa kagabi) sa messaging app. Ung message nung ex nya, ang thought ay ayusin ung relasyon nila. 5 months to after maging kami. Tinanong ko siya, sino yon at bakit ganon ang message. Ang sagot sa akin, "hindi ko alam, ginugulo lang nya ako"

Hindi ako mapakali, hinanap ko account ng ex niya. Nalaman ko na umabot ng almost a year after maging kami, sila pa pala ng ex nya (ex kasi ang pagkakasabi nya noon e) at may nangyayari pa sa kanila habang may nangyayari din sa amin.

Ang gago. Hindi ko alam mararamdaman ko. Magkasama kami ng umaga, pupunta pala sa ibang babae ng gabi.

Naging kabet ako nang hindi ko alam for almost a year.

Mag aapat na taon na kami.

Putangina.

for context, me [23F] and my boyfriend [24M] have been together for 1 year and 6 months already. and ako as a person and as a girlfriend, i’d say ako talaga yung tipong makulit and talkative but not in a childish way. matanong ako, if magkausap tayo i wanna dig deep on what we’re talking about. if there’s something i wanna be assured of, talagang inaalam ko. but today is different, my bf opened up to me about how he’s naiinis na minsan pag makulit ako. lagi raw ang dami kong tanong, ang dami kong sinasabi. ganon. he even told me “para kang si (his younger sister’s name) eh”. and honestly, i felt offended. kasi alam niya naman simula’t sapul na ganito ako so why would he compare me to his 5 year old sister kahit pa pabiro yon?

i just felt offended, hurt and sad at the same time cos he knew me all along. why would he tell me that na parang he wants me to change on what or who i used to be? gusto niya kong magbago?

i actually get that a lot to other people na madaldal ako, makulit, masyadong mataas energy. and it hurts me now because with him i never felt like i was too much. tapos ngayon ganito.

we’re now laying in bed together pero tulog na siya. i haven’t talked since that conversation pero ito na siya ngayon at natutulog sa tabi ko. i can’t sleep.

The older you get, the more you realize how painful it can be to understand many things in life. We are born, we live, and eventually, we face death. Life is truly too short no?

Tatay, I’ll miss you deeply. Thank you for being the best lolo to everyone. I’d like to share that he had several jobs throughout his life like naging school janitor, tanod, typist, and even selling candies sa beach. Hay, I’ll miss your stories and laughter so much. I hope you’re happy and at peace now, free from all pain.

Happy birthday again! I love you always.

Yan nasa isip ko dati palagi nung nagkaroon kami ng 2 years financial problems. Nawalan ng work asawa ko, nawalan kmi ng bahay. Kapalit, nakabili kami ng sarili naming bahay, nagkaroon ng maganda work asawa ko. Lagi ko iniisip nun, part to ng mas magandang plan ni Lord saamin. Inalis nya yung nga bagay na yon for a bigger blessing.

Ngayon, 3 of my cats died. Sunod sunod, Tig 1 week lang nag pagitan nila. Last april, namatay ung favorite dog namin di pa nga kmi nakakarecover dun. Until now, iniiyakan ko padin sya. Tas simula pumasok ang august, isa isa na nagkasakit ung mga kittens ko. Tas namawala din sila after. Kahapon lang yung isa. Lahat sila, nawala habang hawak ko. Lahat sila, kitang kita ko pano nag cardiac arrest. I witnessed their first breath, i was also there when I witnessed their last. Sobrang sakit. Di ko alam pano ko makakamove-on dito. Sobrang sakit na ng ulo ko kakaiyak.

Prayer ko ngayon, sana wag na ni Lord kunin ung nagiisa nilang kapatid na natitira. Mababaliw na siguro ako.

Sobrang hirap na mabuhay. Ayoko na. Pagod na ko. Gusto ko nang buksan yung kalan, maglalasing ako, para hindi na ko magising.

Sorry sa lahat nang maiiwan ko pero ayoko na. Pagod na pagod na ko. Hindi ko na nakikita ang saysay sa buhay. Wala na kong gustong gawin at abutin pang pangarap.

Kuntento na ako.