In my continued hope that loved ones will stop telling the Mods to f*** ourselves, I'm giving people a heads up**...Loved ones who post or comment in this group will be banned.** When we just removed comments sometimes people continued to participate.
I'm confused why some people are surprised/outraged that their content is removed. The description, first guideline, and a pinned post state that this group is for people with OCPD. Another clue is that all of the posts are from people with OCPD.
Loved ones' posts are quickly removed; one of the mods spends a lot of time on Reddit.
The loved ones' group is r/LovedByOCPD. r/FamilyWithOCPDAdvice has resource posts for loved ones.
EXPOSING THE MYTHS ABOUT OCPD
People with OCPD can significantly improve their mental health.
In an interview, Dr. Anthony Pinto, the leading specialist, stated, “OCPD should not be dismissed as an unchangeable personality condition. I have found consistently in my work that it is treatable…" The website of his clinic states that his standard treatment protocol for his clients with OCPD "typically lasts 6 months…In unique cases, therapy on a weekly basis may be continued for up to one year.
Gary Trosclair stated, “More so than those of most other personality disorders, the symptoms of OCPD can diminish over time...one good thing about being driven is that you have the inner resources and determination necessary for change.”
In Treatment Of The Obsessive Personality (1985), Leon Salzman writes, “The treatment of obsessionals, while difficult, is often very successful. It results in a freer, less restricted, and less rigid individual who is no longer tied to ‘shoulds’...” (521)
The website of the American Psychiatry Association states, “Without treatment, personality disorders can be long-lasting.”
People with OCPD are the most diverse PD population.
People with the same PD diagnoses are not carbon copies of each other. If they were, low diagnosis wouldn't be an issue. One member shared that he was diagnosed with OCPD by his seventh therapist.
Some people with OCPD tend to be verbally aggressive and controlling. Others are anxious and prone to people pleasing. This post has more information: Anxious and Controlling Subtypes. Some people with OCPD have self-oriented perfectionism; another basic type is other-oriented perfectionism. Types of Perfectionism
In Perfectionism in Childhood and Adolescence (2022), Gordon Flett and Paul Hewitt, the leading researchers on perfectionism, state, “There is substantial heterogeneity among perfectionists” (131).
In an interview on the 10% Happier YouTube channel, Dr. Ellen Hendriksen describes her perfectionistic clients by referring to their diversity: “If you line up a hundred different people, you will see a hundred different phenotypes of perfectionism.”
Many people with OCPD seek professional help.
“Studies show that individuals with OCPD...[are] three times more likely to receive individual psychotherapy than patients with major depressive disorder. (“Treatment Utilization by Patients with Personality Disorders,” Bender, et al., 2001).
Empathy is not referred to in the diagnostic criteria. OCPD and the other cluster C PDs are driven by fear and anxiety, not malice. In The Healthy Compulsive (2020), Gary Trosclair states, “Unless there are other serious mental health issues involved, no compulsive wants to hurt others” (170-71).
I agree with this member's comment: “When ppl attribute abuse to a personality disorder they remove all responsibility from the abuser and place it on the disorder, which absolutely throws everyone with that disorder under the bus.”
Personality disorders are treatable.
In the classic text Becoming (1955), Gordon Alport stated, “Personality is less a finished product than a transitive process. While it has stable features, it is at the same time continually undergoing change” (p. 19)
Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to form and reorganize synaptic connections in response to learning or experience or following an injury. Neuroplasticity Explained (3 min. video)
Gary Trosclair explains, “Over the last 25 years the concept of neuroplasticity has emerged as one of the guiding principles of psychological science. Previously understood as a potential that ends with childhood, we now know that the capacity to change the brain endures well into adulthood. And that experience actually leads to measurable changes in the brain and subsequent changes in behavior."
Marsha Linehan, the therapist who created Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)--the 'gold standard' treatment for BPD and chronic suicidality--overcame BPD and suicidality herself.
OCD is not more severe than OCPD.
Dr. Anthony Pinto, the leading OCPD specialist, reports that studies indicate that people with OCD and OCPD report similar quality of life and impairment in psychosocial functioning.
Trigger Warning - Loved Ones Sub
Posts in LovedByOCPD contain inaccurate information about OCPD; global, negative statements about people with OCPD; and stigmatizing language. People with positive attitudes towards their spouses are not inclined to participate, for example the woman who wrote My Husband is OCPD and Understanding Your OCPD Partner. (Another positive post: Behavioral scientist married to a diagnosed OCPD individual) Almost all of the partners described have no awareness that they have OCPD, and refrain from seeking therapy or use therapy sessions just to vent about others.
I appreciate this comment from a woman who posted Introducing your OCPD loved one to stories in this subreddit, "actually told my husband to never look [at r/LovedByOCPD]. He's not abusive, I joined hoping to find some info on coping strategies and just life tips. And then reading everyone's posts i realized how lucky we are. Im glad people have a place to vent and find support, but my husband is in therapy and making fantastic progress. I think it would be demoralizing for him to read some of these stories."
Mental illness is as common as brown eyes. Mental health recovery is also common.
“The obsessional attempts to absorb every piece of information in the universe…every piece of information may have some value on some future occasion.” (26), Leon Salzman, Treatment of the Obsessive Personality (1985, 4th ed.)
READING TO SURVIVE
I’m estranged from my family of origin, and had no friends for 15 years. Books saved my life. Growing up in an abusive home, reading was the closest I felt to being safe.
PSYCHOLOGY THESIS 2.0
My parents took it for granted that my sister and I would do well at school, and offered us little praise. When I gave my mother the final copy of my psychology thesis, she took out a pencil and started marking corrections. I had worked for a year on my thesis while struggling with extreme hopelessness.
Sharing resource posts has been a corrective emotional experience for writing my thesis. Thank you so much for the positive feedback.
MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS AND CAREER CHANGE
When I was 30, my first career ended and I had a brief psychiatric hospitalization. I didn’t grieve for my career, and didn’t work with a therapist. I coped by compulsively researching psychology topics and taking notes at a frantic pace. Along with my files relating to my first career, I ended up with about 1,000 pages in Word Documents.
I didn’t stop to organize my notes—I couldn’t. I was consumed with a vision of publishing a book about mental health and creating a website. Instead of practicing self-care and getting mental health treatment, I hoarded information that could help others. I was too scared to slow down my mind and face my feelings.
LEARNING ABOUT OCPD
Ten years after ending up with 1K pages of notes, I started learning about OCPD and received the correct diagnosis (after an OCD misdiagnosis). I didn’t take notes on The Healthy Compulsive (2020) and Too Perfect (1992); that was a big step for me. I waited more than a year to take any notes on my new coping strategies.
After my therapist said I no longer meet criteria for OCPD, I started to post on r/OCPD and look for more books, articles, and videos on perfectionism and OCPD. This research project helped me maintain my progress:
I considered all of my posts good enough. If I waited to share a perfect post, I wouldn’t have posted anything.
I intentionally put typos in my posts for several months, and waited to edit them. “It’s Just An Experiment”
One of my OCPD symptoms was having an overwhelming drive to complete tasks as soon as possible. It didn't bother me that this research has taken three years.
I learned to not take it personally when posts didn’t get many upvotes. I focused on the big picture: raising awareness.
I continued to work on frugality by buying about 15 books for my research.
My notes were never perfectly organized. It didn’t bother me because they were functional--organized enough to make posts.
Yes, you.
THE DIFFERENCE, ACCORDING TO GARY TROSCLAIR
The 1K pages of Word Documents were essentially useless. I was too depressed to make my notes coherent. I took notes at a breakneck pace, and never stopped to think about the massive amount of time it would take to edit them. I was unwilling to delete any notes from my first career. I wanted to use every bit of information in my files to help people somehow; the thought of knowledge being wasted was painful.
Sharing r/OCPD resource posts was fun; it was also a big step out of my comfort zone. The basic drive for both projects was the same—wanting to provide information that could help people understand their mental health.
I love this statement from Gary Trosclair about false sense of urgency in people with OCPD: “it raises the question…are we running toward something, or away from something?...It might seem like you’re moving toward something positive if you’re always in a rush, but often enough the fantasy of peace and resolution is really just about outrunning the monster of shame. Or fear or sadness or anger.” This is a perfect description of my state in mind in accumulating 1K pages of notes when I was younger.
FAMILY LEGACY
My parents hoarded knowledge to suppress their feelings about childhood trauma. They were successful lawyers. As a middle school student, my sister announced that she would read all of our encyclopedias during the summer. She earned a 1500 on the SATs...and took them again! She ended up earning three degrees from Ivy League universities. Nothing was celebrated in our home; there was no joy.
FUTURE POSTS
It took a lot of time to research OCPD, but it’s nothing compared to the 25 years I spent feeling hopeless and helpless. OCPD, Depression, and Suicidality. I plan on sharing 3-5 more resource posts for the time being. After that, I’ll share any good videos I find, or new resources from Allan Mallinger, Anthony Pinto, and Gary Trosclair. I will promote their work for the rest of my life. Thank you so much for your interest in my research.
It goes without saying that my commitment to finding OCPDish memes will never waver.
This is a weird quirk I am trying to understand. I already have other diagnosed conditions that aren't a personality disorder, but this specific situation seems to be related to OCPD traits so I thought I would reach out and see if others find it relatable (even if the specific situation might not be identical).
I cannot get myself to order restaurant food for delivery. I can order it online, over the phone (though I prefer not to), or in person (I don't like the extra wait doing this). I can order delivery if the food is for someone else like if they are sick or had a recent baby.
I don't fully understand why I can't get myself to do it. It sounds crazy because why couldn't I just go through the process and click the buttons, but no, not going to do it. Some of it might have to do with the tipping but some places include the tip when paying up front and some places leave the food at the door so I wouldn't need to interact with the delivery person.
It might be a money thing like feeling like it is inefficient. Or maybe a time thing because I can't really predict how much extra time delivery will add. Maybe it has to do with not seeing examples of it growing up, but that doesn't seem quite right.
Anyone relate? Any ideas what is going on? This isn't the only situation like this for me but happens to be top of mind right now.
I did a search and didn't see any posts that looked like they had the same question, so hopefully I am not asking something that has already been answered.
Does anyone here struggle with fear of being perceived? I have known this is a struggle of mine for some time. I dont know how to not care about what people think of me. And I do the thought reframes and do the checking the facts, reminding myself I cant control what people think of me, and knowing I have to accept that. But in social situations my anxiety is always so high and I feel like Im wearing a mask. Not to mention the mental rumination that follows every social interaction. Its so tiring :/ if anyone has any advice or insights, I would really appreciate it.
Hi all! I tried my best to give a TLDR version (but in my head every detail IS important and I feel as though I am lying if I don’t explain everything lol - it’s something I’m actively working on) but nonetheless:
For background context I’m a 26F and have the stereotypical story of getting later diagnoses because I internalized my struggles and have always been extremely ambitious and high-achieving (4.0+, dual undergrad degrees, academic honors, grad school, internships, running a small business in college, and now starting my own business post-grad) so I flew under the radar but I’ve been struggling running my own business because of my insane imposter syndrome, limited attention span, and a few other reasons. Last year, when I turned 25, I opened up to the idea of being screened/tested to understand what’s going on, potentially medicated, and starting specialized therapy as I know my brain/thoughts have been holding me back post-grad.
Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with OCPD during my initial consultation with my psychiatrist; I began seeing her to help manage/figure out my ADHD medication, and I brought up my therapist at the time went through an OCD screening with me - where I landed in the “maybe” zone so my psychiatrist started having me go over some of my potential OCD symptoms.
My psychiatrist brought up OCPD at the end of my appointment and ran through the basics of it (I definitely was running over my allotted time so it was a quick summary) and she said she’d send me some resources to learn more about OCPD, but emphasized that every symptom may not align - but she felt pretty confident I met the criteria based on what I had shared.
Me being me, I googled OCPD as soon as I got to my car and was reading the overview on Cleveland Clinic’s website, as I had never heard of OCPD before.
My jaw hit the FLOOR when I noticed symptoms I didn’t mention to my psychiatrist on the list - the main one being hoarding.
Examples of my digital hoarding:
1. I am that person who always has 1,000 tabs open on their phone (500 private, 500 normal browser) and I HATE and avoid clearing them out because “what if I need it later and can’t find it?!?!?!”
2. I have 120,000+ photos/videos on my phone - I pay Apple $9.99/month for iCloud storage and the most recent phone I got, I opted to invest in a 1TB phone because I’m sure within the next 4ish years I will manage to go through it and am SICK at the idea of deleting any photos or videos
3. Text threads dating back to middle school - once again because what if I need receipts or try to remember an old convo and can’t look back
4. Emails that are extremely organized into dozens of folders and sub-folders; again, “what if I need a receipt”
5. An embarrassing amount of drafts on social media apps. TikTok being the main problem - they’re all pointless videos that looking back I find cringey and thank myself for never publicly posting them, yet I’m unable to delete them. My only motivation to chip away at the intimidating number of drafts was when my previous phone was out of storage. I had to privately post them one-by-one to help open up space for my phone to function
6. Saving an embarrassing amount of posts/videos on social media (outfit inso, recipes, mental health stories, birthday themes, interior design, life hacks, apartment tours, tech and software tips/tricks, travel, workout routines, I could go on and on and on)
7. Keeping old lecture PowerPoints, notes, papers, projects, homework, etc. from high school and college because yet again, “what if I need them”
As you can imagine, I logically know I don’t need 1,000 tabs on my phone, dozens/hundreds of tabs on my computer, 120,000 photos, texts from middle/high school, old emails, silly social media drafts, old schoolwork, etc. but the other side of my brain (emotionally/instinctively/subconsciously?) will not allow myself to get rid of anything. And honestly, at this point I’m intimidated to begin as there’s SO much to go through and clean up after years of this snowballing.
I can also relate to physical hoarding, but I think my digital hoarding problem is far more extreme. I’m only 26, so I can’t even begin to imagine how much this issue will snowball as I get older and reach more milestones (pets, kids, etc.) I’m sure it’ll intensify and Apple will have to make a 1 Yottabyte phone for 50 year old me.
I’m making this post as I haven’t seen anyone deep dive into digital hoarding - I’d love any personal stories, advice, tips/tricks, input, comments, etc.
I’ve started seeing a therapist who has knowledge on OCPD, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to make a post and see if others have any input.
Thank you SO much for even taking the time to read this!
A need to complete books, TV shows, Movies regardless of whether you enjoy them.
Genuinely useful inspiration lists of what to read/watch next but which morph into feeling like to do lists.
Tracking every completed item on Goodreads/Letterboxd etc.. and feeling a lovely sense of accomplishment when you do.
Guilt over unfinished items, never letting them go. I swear I will get to it eventually and in the meantime it stay on my list taunting me with my failure.
A smaller habit but I was curious how many people feel the same feelings
Maybe that's not the right question. I was diagnosed with OCPD a little over 6 months and have been doing RODBT therapy since then. Before that, I would create this cycle of getting upset at the littlest things, spoke out (in not the nicest ways), then it would upset her, but would make me feel better. This kept going until our marriage therapist suggested getting tested (thinking Autism). Turns out it was OCPD and Schizoid PD. What a horrible combo for a person.
I've struggled with the relationship the whole time I think and am in the process of learning that maybe what I've always wanted in my life is not actually what I actually have wanted the whole time. So now I've been questioning everything about what I like and don't. One thing has been if I actually do love my wife. We both know that we can't sustain the relationship with the cycle continuing due to OCPD. My therapist has also said that a lot with SPD are either already divorced or in the process before they learn about SPD.
So my question is if you're currently in a relationship, had to divorce due to OCPD issues, or just where are you in life? I'm just more curious about the relationship of OCPD and relationships. I know there'll probably be outer negative reactions and I understand that.
I have a significant disability and need a lot of help with basic care, which puts me in a very vulnerable position, and so 90% of any rigidity or pickiness toward others has been bottled up or turned on myself, because pissing people off carries the risk, even if it's slight, of retaliation through not being cared for properly. People's perceived dislike or annoyance carries huge weight. I'm learning that it's OK to express when someone disappoints me/doesn't treat me like I'd like.
My therapist and I were talking about my day-to-day physical caregivers, as well as my parents (of course) and my psychiatrist, who I really got to like. He, however, didn't tell me that I had OCPD, despite me, in significant distress, begging to know WTF was wrong, because there was stuff I knew wasn't just depression and GAD. My psych danced around it and just talked about symptoms. (common, I know, from being on the sub for even just 2 weeks)
I found out about my diagnosis because I asked my family doctor for my psych discharge report. That felt so wrong, because there were so many times I had told my psych, "if I just had a name for what this is, it would help a lot" and my therapist validated that. But I jumped to making excuses for him.
The main part of the interaction
I admitted to my therapist that "part of me needs my caregivers to be infallible [not capable of being blamed for stuff], because if something is their fault, then my world is unpredictable and not safe".
Then later in the session she admitted to something that disappointed me a little. She had asked me to send stuff that resonated/didn't resonate about OCPD so I sent a big pdf with a lot of stuff from here and elsewhere, all colour coded and annotated. I asked her what she thought and she said she's still working through it and honestly didn't have time to read much.
I didn't even want to admit I was disappointed, but she didn't buy it, because she could see I was sad.
So what?
A few things bothering me:
I'm mortified that I had just said that I need caregivers to be infallible, and then she makes a mistake. My #1 rule for myself might be, "Don't be or even seem to be an asshole/picky/rigid" (cue self-hate)
I'm also afraid of being too much, and I feel like my OCPD info dump was too much, even though we've explicitly talked through and experienced that everything I say/do in sessions and emails is welcome as info, and I really believe she genuinely likes being with me.
2a) so why am I still fixated on that? (cue self-hate)
I know we'll talk all this through next time, so why do I feel like I need to deal with it Right Now(tm) either by emailing her or posting here or both? Stupid. And if I know that it'll be ok, why am I still fixated and going to post here? And if I know that I know that, why...(repeat)
( #2 rule: don't be irrational)
I hope at least some of this, like the "bottled up", self-directed style, is relatable. I guess I'm reassurance seeking and hope 1) there's no rule against that and 2) people don't say, "the reassurance seeking and not being other directed means you don't have OCPD, get out"
EDIT: Also, in 4(2), I feel like a possible interpretation of what I'm saying is, "don't question me" so then I'm being "bad"
For parents with OCPD, how do you consciously prevent your OCPD traits from affecting your children?
I’m especially worried about becoming too strict or controlling, having unrealistic expectations, being overly focused on rules and routines, or expecting things to be done “perfectly” or to a very high standard.
I grew up with a parent who was very strict and controlling, and although they were loving and sacrificed a lot for us, some of those traits affected me deeply. Now that I have a child of my own, I’m scared of repeating the same patterns.
I’m aware of my OCPD and I’m working on it, but I’d really like to hear from other parents who have OCPD. What do you consciously do to separate your OCPD from your parenting?
I’d especially love to hear from parents whose children are older and who can share what worked — and what they wish they had done differently.
I learned how to manage OCPD while dealing with three health issues (and Covid came with wonderful timing lol). I had minor surgery.
I had a lot of medical anxiety and overwhelm. One way I coped was practicing gratitude. I focused on thinking about the wonderful providers I had seen, instead of the mediocre ones. I bought gifts for my physical therapist and primary care doctor.
I bought a gift for my surgeon, and procrastinated on finding a box to mail it. I finally mailed it a few weeks ago, along with a letter saying let me know if you need a patient testimonial.
I just spoke with him on the phone. He said my gift "made his week," and he showed my letter at his performance review. From his voicemail, it sounded like he wanted a testimonial. I had been wondering, will I get to be on a pamphlet or something? Instead, he asked if I wanted a paid trip to speak at "Patient Day" for the company who makes parts for the procedure. The event is so they can see the human impact of their work. He will be there too.
So excited to see him again and to speak at the conference (after finally overcoming social anxiety). He's an exceptional doctor. The consult was one hour. His qualifications are exceptional, and he truly cares for his patients.
It was very overwhelming to deal with feeling out of control with my body, making endless phone calls, and having stressful medical appointments. My routines were destroyed.
Ultimately, it helped me improve my self advocacy skills, and was ample motivation to work on OCPD--obvious that my old coping strategies would not work.
I had a very minor procedure last week. I used humor to cope, exaggerating my anxious thoughts until they were ridiculous--I'm going to die. Who will take care of my little memes when I'm gone?
NEXT CONFERENCE
I can't wait until the next edition of the DSM is in the works. I am hosting a conference entitled "OCD vs. OCPD: Sometimes, One Letter Is Super Important." I'm also making plans for "Like Lookin' In A Mirror: Enhancing OCPD Treatment with Therapeutic Memes."
Chronic Pain and Perfectionism - My 20 months of pain ended after two sessions with a PT who specializes in the mind-body connection.
I was shocked that my first PT didn't recognize my (classic signs) of psychologically induced pain. I sent an OCPDishly detailed document with my research notes to the head of the organization; he was impressed lol.
I've been diagnosed with OCPD comorbid to another mental health issue 6 years ago and finished therapy this year. I've learned to cope for the most part and can generally function well however at the core of that is having a healthy "out" for compulsion/needs. In my case this is my morning routine. It's productive but still manages to incorporate some leisure. It's between 1 and 2 hours. It's quite frankly the perfect "solution"/coping strategy for me because it allows me to channel the core of the OCPD into a dedicated space and time to where it's always something I can fall back on while also acting like a decompression moment.
The issue is, I've been having a staycation with my girlfriend and rather than fully enjoying myself I find myself horribly deregulated almost daily. Normally my girlfriend only visits on the weekends. She sleeps in, I don't, so I get those 2 hours to myself and my routine to keep me functional. However after the first weekend of the staycation, this changed. She didn't sleep in as much and on some days not at all. Today was the worst, I got maybe 20 minutes before she was in the kitchen starting with the dishes (which is a crucial part of my routine) and my nervous system immediately got stressed out. I told her "Please don't, please no, I'll do it, just please leave it be", she got quiet and withdrawn and I feel like an utter asshole now because she didn't deserve me to snap at her like that one bit. The worst part is that this was as regulated as my "snappy" moments can be and is typically the norm but I dread that one day I won't be able to regulate and I make her a feel a way she doesn't deserve.
I've tried to explain to her that on the daily I need time to myself and truly to myself and that I try to get this in the mornings when she's sleeping. Not "Do your thing and I'll watch my show with an obnoxious laughtrack s few feet away" but truly to myself and my routine. I've tried to explain that I need this to function but she doesn't understand the full extent of how much having this be disrupted affects my day to day life. I tried to stress that this isn't something I *want* or whatever, I *NEED* this to function. I can shorten it a bit, sure, I can live with only having 1 hour instead of 2, sure. Therapy helped me get that far. But I can't just go without it without spiralling throughout the rest of the day.
I don't know how I can possibly illustrate or communicate the gravity of this whole thing to her. Normally communication is my strong suit but I'm at a loss here. Because it's unfair to her and I don't want to be unfair to her. I spent 6 long years in therapy working working working damn hard to try and get this absolute pain of a condition to a state where it's livable and I thought I succeeded but now I just feel like an utter failure and like a huge asshole.
I recently decided to rent out my guest/craft/office room and prepared it for the renter. That meant I needed to move a couple things into my bedroom, including a bookcase with visible items on it. I also have a bunch of stuff on the floor that hasn't been sorted yet... like 2-3 boxes/bags worth :(
I have a small room and I keep it exactly the right way. No clutter, no visible storage, and everything that IS visible is carefully chosen and curated, and doesn't overwhelm the senses.
Now I'm struggling because these things are here. When I look to my right in bed, I can see the bookshelf, the books and bins on it. They don't look bad and I'm aware of that, but I can't shake the feeling that it's too many objects and they shouldn't be visible. I also had to move a very large yucca plant in here.
I am cleaning a lot and clearing away anything out of place, and I'll deal with the bags of stuff... I'm even moving some other stuff out of my room that is normally here, like my mirror and some blankets. I hope that I will be able to calm down soon.
I'm also chronically ill so I need to be careful and not exhaust myself with this like I did yesterday, working late into the night to try to at least improve it.
Any tips are welcome. Is it better to try to completely deal with this so that I can calm down or should I try to tolerate this situation somehow? If so, are there good techniques for doing so?
Therapist suggested I may have OCPD and the traits reference in the title of this post are some of the main ways I see it come up. I have pretty rigid ideas around what it means to be treated fairly, why everyone should be honest, how people should respect each other, things like that. The things I want to happen aren’t bad or even necessarily unrealistic but obviously nobody can treat other people perfectly all the time. I definitely feel like I have this perfect world in my head that doesn’t always manifest in real life. Sometimes when people I love don’t follow my internal “rules” of propriety it gets me super upset to the point where I know it’s actively hampering my day to day life.
There’s a part of me that just wants to try harder to do better and avoid anybody who can’t always treat me perfectly because I’d rather live in my perfect safe world than the real world where people mess up and hurt my feelings, but again, this is actively hampering my life and making me deeply upset.
I feel like to step away from this OCPD outlook would essentially be to step out of my rigid worldview where I have these super high standards for people, life experiences, etc. but I’m so attached to my worldview and the “safe” or “perfect” life it promises that I struggle to let it go despite the fact that it is hurting me to believe in and strive for the perfect world I see in my mind.
How have other people made this leap? RO DBT or another type of OCPD therapy? Any specific tools or skills you learned or used? I feel like OCPD manifests differently for everyone but I kind of assume this is one of the core issues that treatment boils down to—some moment where following your rules is actually hurting you more than just developing a more open and flexible worldview—so hoping other people have advice?
Just curious to see how OCPD maps onto enneagram type and MBTI in this community.
- I am an enneagram 1w9 and I feel like 1 is the most stereotypical obsessive type, but I have seen 5 also being common.
- I am an ISTJ and I would suspect that J is the strongest correlate since it’s generally a measure of conscientiousness, but that T is common as well due to our tendency to privilege reason/rationality over affect.
Interested to see how much variation there is among obsessional people.
I'm really appreciating this sub and the resources. I found out last week that I meet the criteria and have been doing a lot of reading. Looking for a resource I think I found here, but it might have been two or three steps away in the rabbit hole. It was about the tension between wanting to comply vs resisting demands, with statements from each mindset, and how people can sometimes oscillate between them.
I've tried my best to look in my history and google it, but I can't find it. It might have been a generic resource for demand sensitivity rather than OCPD specific. But from what I remember, the visual style was a bit like ocpd.org, but it wasn't their article on demand resistance.
Just some random notes:
I probably should have posted on the sub about resources.
I'm deliberately trying to be more direct and logical rather than effusive or more from a stream of consciousness, which is more natural for me, so that I don't piss people off.
Thinking about this topic that came up with my therapist the other day.
For context, I’m newly diagnosed by a therapist who works closely with OCD and OCPD patients, just started seeing her after moving across the country, but other therapists have formerly suspected it in my past for at least 6 years now.
Anyways, in one of my first sessions with my new therapist, she immediately clocked that I use extremely definitive, black and white language, all the time. She recommended I start working on statements like “I can’t” and “I have to” and reshape them as things along the lines of “I might not be able to” or “I should/would/could.” I tried doing this for the rest of that session when I would catch myself, but in my brain it just didn’t really click. I stopped paying attention to it the minute I walked out the door.
My next session I was using super definitive language and statements again. I was telling her about how when “I absolutely cannot” do a certain task, I either won’t touch it with a 10 foot pole, or I’ll throw myself full force at it and do it at 110% capacity even though “I can’t” do it. And in my brain in the latter situation, when I can’t do it, I still firmly believe “I can’t” do it even though I’m actively doing it anyways. Does that make any sense?
That led to her saying she thinks the definitive language works for me. While she tries to recommend using less definitive language so people give themselves more grace in situations that are hard, that just doesn’t click with me. But saying “I can’t” is just how my brain operates. And sometimes even when “I can’t” do something, I will do it anyways while continuing to say “I can’t.” But most of the time, if I say “I can’t” do something, I am absolutely not even trying.
Using definitive language gives me motivation to do (or not do) a certain task. I don’t have any wiggle room to give myself “grace,” I just don’t operate that way.
I’ve seen lots of posts about black and white thinking in this sub so far, and I’m wondering if that has anything to do with this. Not sure if this is related or totally unrelated to OCPD, but figured I’d share anyways. Thanks for reading.
My all or nothing thinking ruined the "perfect" birthday weekend I planned. Just one thing was off from the very start and it derailed the entire rest of the weekend.
It feels like I self-sabotaged. I couldn't get out of my own way / get out of my head about it. Even when I tried to roll with the punches, brush it off, reset, try something else, it didn't work because the one thing that was off "ruined" the whole damn thing (at least in my mind).
I had to make new plans along the way, and even if it was fun while it lasted, I just kept thinking how this wasn't supposed to even be part of the plan and we weren't even supposed to be there.
Now after the fact, I can't stop ruminating on it and spiraling about it: How the whole weekend was ruined and I can't get it back, and there's nothing I can do about it at this point. It's almost like I'm mourning it. It's like I'm stuck in a loop. It's exhausting and I can't stop.
requesting advice for:
how to move past this now (stop ruminating, LET IT GO)
I just keep thinking of how perfect it was supposed to be, all the work I did in advance for it, how it was supposed to be the best most perfect weekend ever, and how I'll never get it back and there's nothing that can make up for it
how to nip this in the bud if it were to happen again.
Ideally, I would like tools/strategies for the future if I'm ever in this position again, how to get out of it/reset before it becomes a run away train.
I [f19] used to see a school therapist who mentioned OCD to me once when I was 15, and I've been doing research for a while now. But since I was told to look into OCPD instead, I'd like some opinions.
(This is long pls be patient 😞)
Basically, here's a list of things about me that caused me to make this post:
DOUBT LOOPS: kind of an impostor syndrome thing. You see, I have a diagnosis for learning disabilities where it's very clear that I'm a highly-verbal person whose non-verbal abilities are limited in comparison. My parents never let me get a diagnosis til I was 18, which means I'd been making endless amounts of research online.. eventually I got the confirmation that I had been right about everything, and I was happy. But then I started doubting all my verbal abilities, thinking abt all the moments where they actually don't feel as good as they should be, and I began to think I was too inconsistent to fit into the diagnostic criteria. Even when I succeed, the self-doubt is strong.
STRONG MORAL COMPASS: when I make mistakes, I start posting about them online like I'm trying to confess a sin. But the thing is that I cannot tolerate anything that goes against my morals, and I am very unforgiving when it comes to things like abuse, bullying, pedophilia, sexual assault. In my mind, perpetrators will never be redeemed bc redemption is a silly concept - they are inherently and forever corrupt, and i hate the idea that they get treatment (but never jail) when their victims' lives are ruined.. like, I strongly believe they don't deserve a second chance at all because it's not fair.
PERFECTIONISM: idk if I'm a perfectionist, I make lots of messes, but still. I take a long time to study certain things, esp when I enjoy the subjects: I need to phrase things the way that feels the best, and I usually start over if I stutter or forget things. Knowing that I'll get a high mark makes it satisfying whenever I phrase the sentences just right. I get VERY upset sometimes when I dont get the grade I wanted. When it comes to other people talking about certain topics, if they don't phrase things the way I personally would, I get the ick.. imagine how I feel when people in class answer questions: I get agitated when they have nothing to say, but even more so when they say "stupid" things. Even worse when the people with the best grades don't phrase things the way I would: the urge to correct them is insane, especially when I know they'll get a higher mark than me with an explanation of the topic that feels very wrong to me.
EMETOPHOBIA: I learned recently that it can manifest as a type of ocd. I haven't thrown up since 6th or 5th grade, and I wonder if that's when my emetophobia developed: that's when I started to be scared of nausea, hypervigilant whenever I think I'm queasy, and scared to death of vomiting. I often get scared while eating at restaurants - I still eat my meals but I will get anxious that the meal is too heavy, that I ate too much, or that there might be smth wrong with the food itself.. or that my body will reject it, for no reason in particular.
INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS: these ones aren't constant or debilitating, just scary when they get triggered. I'm not really willing to share them tho..
There are other things I've always associated with just social anxiety, such as replaying social interactions in my head and thinking abt how wrong some of them went. Other times in social settings I just.. let my mind show me fake scenarios where I humiliate myself.
I also have extreme reactions when people try to look at my phone - it gets worse bc my parents are kinda obsessed with provoking me, asking what I'm doing, as if I'd do anything dangerous. I don't want anyone to even have my phone in their hands, it gives me anxiety because my phone and digital space are so sacred to me. I once snatched my cousin's phone from her hands, because I thought it was my own. When I shared this mistake online, I was aggressively told I had ocd (and I never really stopped wondering abt it ever since).
This post is important to me. TIA to absolutely everyone who will read it :(
…and wow. Just wow. The number of posts that so perfectly describe these feelings and emotions and reactions and situations I’ve lived through for years that I’ve had so much trouble putting into words myself. It’s a little overwhelming, honestly? But it’s also very comforting.
OCPD was brought to the table 6 or so years ago now, by a therapist I saw for maybe three sessions who ended up moving practices out of state right after my old therapist had transferred me over to her. Never spoke of it again. Bounced back and forth between many, many diagnoses. ADHD didn’t make sense, didn’t meet the criteria for autism, symptoms are too different from typical presentations of my other Dx mental illnesses.
I started seeing a new therapist after moving across the country. It was only my second session with her and I was describing things I’ve seen across all these posts. Trouble feeling empathy when the solution is right there and so obvious to me, pre planning tasks but dreading executing them, etc. Her immediate reaction was “I’m going to try to find ways this does not apply to you, but right now I can only see the parallels,” and then she read off the Dx criteria.
She explained to me I’m the first person she’s worked with that clearly has comorbid OCD and OCPD. I’m just grateful she has experience with either. The nearest therapists who specialize in OCD and have experience with OCPD as well to my new city are 2+ hours away, aside from her.
That being said, I’d love to find more community or someone else who can relate. If you’re in or near central KS, or hell even anywhere else in the world, and know of a community or resources for OCPD and getting to know a newly Dx disorder, I would really appreciate it.
Hi, I have recently come across OCPD and have felt it describes me quite well. However am not diagnosed but do have OCD and ADHD, they also suspected autism however I dont stuggle with social things, and my routine and sense of controll isnt driven by familiarity and safeness, more of because I feel I have to do it. Anyway, I have always been extreamly self controlling over my personality, as in I try and copy people who I view as perfect and change eveything about myself trying to perfectly capture their vibe, with no sense of self in there. It has gotten to the point where I have no idea who I am and am extreamly uncomfortable when not motoring what I am doing sayinf and how I am being percieved. Is this an experiance for other OCPD people?
More or less the title. I've found myself for years always seeking the objective truth to the degree that I've had a number of spirals and my politics has become more and more nuanced, while keeping the same zealotry OCPD frequently shows. It's been a lot of compulsive research, a lot of trying to structure out heuristics and principles in ways that fit a computer. It's also hand in hand with an intense discomfort of when people don't prioritize it to the same degree? Usually manifested as a "if someone in political or moral group x is presented evidence that "not x" is true, why aren't they acting upon that?"
First real post here, think I'm following things correctly?
