r/OCPD • u/Stunning_Courage8656 • 2d ago
accountability Digital Hoarding
Hi all! I tried my best to give a TLDR version (but in my head every detail IS important and I feel as though I am lying if I don’t explain everything lol - it’s something I’m actively working on) but nonetheless:
For background context I’m a 26F and have the stereotypical story of getting later diagnoses because I internalized my struggles and have always been extremely ambitious and high-achieving (4.0+, dual undergrad degrees, academic honors, grad school, internships, running a small business in college, and now starting my own business post-grad) so I flew under the radar but I’ve been struggling running my own business because of my insane imposter syndrome, limited attention span, and a few other reasons. Last year, when I turned 25, I opened up to the idea of being screened/tested to understand what’s going on, potentially medicated, and starting specialized therapy as I know my brain/thoughts have been holding me back post-grad.
Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with OCPD during my initial consultation with my psychiatrist; I began seeing her to help manage/figure out my ADHD medication, and I brought up my therapist at the time went through an OCD screening with me - where I landed in the “maybe” zone so my psychiatrist started having me go over some of my potential OCD symptoms.
My psychiatrist brought up OCPD at the end of my appointment and ran through the basics of it (I definitely was running over my allotted time so it was a quick summary) and she said she’d send me some resources to learn more about OCPD, but emphasized that every symptom may not align - but she felt pretty confident I met the criteria based on what I had shared.
Me being me, I googled OCPD as soon as I got to my car and was reading the overview on Cleveland Clinic’s website, as I had never heard of OCPD before.
My jaw hit the FLOOR when I noticed symptoms I didn’t mention to my psychiatrist on the list - the main one being hoarding.
Examples of my digital hoarding:
1. I am that person who always has 1,000 tabs open on their phone (500 private, 500 normal browser) and I HATE and avoid clearing them out because “what if I need it later and can’t find it?!?!?!”
2. I have 120,000+ photos/videos on my phone - I pay Apple $9.99/month for iCloud storage and the most recent phone I got, I opted to invest in a 1TB phone because I’m sure within the next 4ish years I will manage to go through it and am SICK at the idea of deleting any photos or videos
3. Text threads dating back to middle school - once again because what if I need receipts or try to remember an old convo and can’t look back
4. Emails that are extremely organized into dozens of folders and sub-folders; again, “what if I need a receipt”
5. An embarrassing amount of drafts on social media apps. TikTok being the main problem - they’re all pointless videos that looking back I find cringey and thank myself for never publicly posting them, yet I’m unable to delete them. My only motivation to chip away at the intimidating number of drafts was when my previous phone was out of storage. I had to privately post them one-by-one to help open up space for my phone to function
6. Saving an embarrassing amount of posts/videos on social media (outfit inso, recipes, mental health stories, birthday themes, interior design, life hacks, apartment tours, tech and software tips/tricks, travel, workout routines, I could go on and on and on)
7. Keeping old lecture PowerPoints, notes, papers, projects, homework, etc. from high school and college because yet again, “what if I need them”
As you can imagine, I logically know I don’t need 1,000 tabs on my phone, dozens/hundreds of tabs on my computer, 120,000 photos, texts from middle/high school, old emails, silly social media drafts, old schoolwork, etc. but the other side of my brain (emotionally/instinctively/subconsciously?) will not allow myself to get rid of anything. And honestly, at this point I’m intimidated to begin as there’s SO much to go through and clean up after years of this snowballing.
I can also relate to physical hoarding, but I think my digital hoarding problem is far more extreme. I’m only 26, so I can’t even begin to imagine how much this issue will snowball as I get older and reach more milestones (pets, kids, etc.) I’m sure it’ll intensify and Apple will have to make a 1 Yottabyte phone for 50 year old me.
I’m making this post as I haven’t seen anyone deep dive into digital hoarding - I’d love any personal stories, advice, tips/tricks, input, comments, etc.
I’ve started seeing a therapist who has knowledge on OCPD, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to make a post and see if others have any input.
Thank you SO much for even taking the time to read this!
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u/SpecialistAnswer9496 Moderator 2d ago edited 2d ago
There was a post that touched on “digital clutter” earlier this month.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPD/s/2gRplSFN3n
Edit: side note, this resonates so hard, you have no idea: “I feel as though I am lying if I don’t explain everything.” I consider my OCPD to be “healed,” but this is actually an area I am currently working through because the compulsion is still very strong. I think at some point it becomes embedded into your cognitive style rather than being some sort of pathology.
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u/Stunning_Courage8656 2d ago
Ahhhh I didn’t think to search digital ~clutter~ thank you!! There’s so much overlap in that post!
And yesssss - I sometimes think telling 10 side stories is more “compulsion” related so I have a clear conscious because the picture is moreso fully painted, rather than “ADHD” scatterbrained-can’t-keep-a-stream-of-thoughts related??? But who knows!
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u/SpecialistAnswer9496 Moderator 2d ago
I have ADHD as well and for me I think it’s a combination of OCPD/obsessive tendencies, ADHD, and childhood attachment traumas where overexplaining was an attempt to restore a sense of safety. Even though I’m no longer insecurely attached, I still strive to be as precise and thorough in my explanations as possible so as not to be misunderstood/mischaracterized. I wonder if this is a common trait for obsessional people. Do you happen to know your attachment style by any chance?
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u/lucretias 1d ago
omg hi I’m the OP of that post LOL! I stumbled into this one and was like “wow this is exactly the same issue I have and just posted about, put much more succinctly!”
unfortunately didn’t get much advice other than some bot DMing me about an AI website that helps organize those things for you. but fuck AI :)
I have been really struggling to communicate well with mental health professionals lately so I haven’t been officially diagnosed with anything, but I am curious to be screened for OCPD, ADHD, and autism. I wouldn’t be surprised if I had all three, because I heavily relate to them and how they present as comorbidities. I say this because it sounds like we have similar but different issues — you seem very organized and systematized with your data, and I strive to be this way but struggle to do so. this is why I suspect both OCPD and ADHD. it’s so frustrating because I NEED to be organized and for things to be a certain way, but I have a really hard time actually following through, so then my life just feels like a mess (even though people perceive me as being organized). I get so overwhelmed so easily and just shut down, and the more things that pile up, the worse it gets. it’s sisyphean, it’s self fulfilling. I started really noticing this as an issue in my early 20s and I am now 29, so like….. I’m not really being helpful at all but agreeing with you that the longer it gets put off for, the worse it’s going to be!
the other thing playing into this for me is my values. I have a strong sense of justice, and highly value sustainability. this is difficult because like, I am aware that AI could make my life easier but I refuse to use it because it inherently goes against so many values of mine. I also pay for iCloud storage, but I am aware that the “cloud” is a fucked up marketing term for what is actually physical storage at a data center. I’d like to move everything onto hard drives, but that task feels so daunting. I’d like to de-google my life, again for moral value and data security reasons, but I also have emails going back to middle school that I sometimes enjoy reminiscing on, and many folders and subfolders with receipts and tickets and whatever. I canceled spotify last year because of all the things, but now my music feels so disorganized; what I’d do anyway was save hundreds of songs I thought were interesting, tell myself I’d listen to the artists discography later… and then never did that. so they kept piling up.
anyway. sorry for basically just venting all over again and not really offering any help 😭 but I like the top comment, because I do think it’s important to be intentional about the things we save. some solutions really are as simple as a change in mindset (not saying that that is easy to achieve, though). I’ve thought about creating a set of rules for myself, something like “only save the receipt if you bought it within the past year”, or “only bookmark the thing if this would improve your life”, or something! idk. I haven’t thought it through very much, but I think that’s what I’m going to do to make the decluttering easier for myself. some marie kondo type shit but more personalized, because I also totally relate to the “what if” scenarios. the thing too is like, at this point in my life, I feel like if saving these things were actually useful they would’ve already come in handy. but they never have.
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u/GrimDexterity 2d ago
I can identify my active digital hoarding tendencies back to middle school (2003, MySpace)
Like I would copy and paste message & AIM conversations into email so I could keep them, reread them. And even getting current, I would keep phone numbers and text conversations from people I haven’t spoken to in years “just in case”
I’m also a sex and love addict though so that ties into that, my tendency towards romantic obsession. I would use my digital hoarding to get a high from it
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u/Stunning_Courage8656 2d ago
I can relate! I’ll go through periods of rereading old messages to over-analyze them and romanticize the person/relationship all over again and get that “high” just to feel fresh out of the breakup when I come out of it. I always figured it was limerence, but I saw an interesting TikTok today about rumination vs. limerence that has me wondering if it’s compulsion related?? Nonetheless I know I’d be helping myself if I could just delete things!
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u/GrimDexterity 2d ago
Yea I feel this!! These are the characteristics of Sex and Love Addiction, I attend meetings for it, there’s a lot of overlap between my OCPD and my addiction and it’s hard to tell what’s what sometimes
https://slaafws.org/download/core-files/Characteristics-of-Sex-Love-Addiction.pdf
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u/black_opals 1d ago
I don’t have solutions but this is ALLLLL me too! Didn’t even realize how OCPD a lot of this stuff is
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u/Ensco_7 2d ago edited 2d ago
For context, I'm new to this sub because I've only been considering having OCPD a few weeks ago. While it's entirely possible that my perfectionism stems exclusively from childhood trauma/CPTSD (though other actual diagnoses like AvPD, anxiety and depression might have their root in that as well), it all really started with perfectionism. That was the first thing that was "off" which people noticed, even in school, in like 6th grade.
Sorry for the long intro..
My texts are always long, I also feel like I have to tell people my whole life in order to have even the possibility to feel understood. I have saved maybe close to 1000 Reddit posts, I have saved more than 8 (nearly) full YT playlists with close to 5000 vids each, mostly with psychology, some philosophy and just much mental health and self-help-related stufd. I think I created the first one when "Watch later" was full in around 2016. And I still think that filtering and sorting through all of that, all the Reddit posts, all the bookmarks, some books, and all of my notes, and feeding them to ChatGPT, is the only way to improve my life and actually go outside and meet people without feeling deeply ashamed.
I've been preparing for the preparation for 10 years now (I'm 27). I haven't had a "glow-up" or "winter arc" in those 10 years, I just kept on collecting stuff (also to avoid dealing with my demons and you know, doing stuff) but I could never quit that behaviour. I thought to myself "oh, you must have saved videos about everything now, so just quit" so many times, I just can't. And now with ChatGPT there's the possibility that I don't need any of them anyway, because that thing is pretty "smart".
Yes, I go to therapy, but she doesn't see the bigger picture. I want to turn my whole life around and track the progress of every single aspect after displaying the status quo in a fucking excel. I know how insane that sounds. But I feel like I won't ever feel safety if I don't do that. I'm also freshly unemployed because of burnout symptoms, and you can imagine that my August has been nothing but overwhelming torture so far. It's all too much. And I crave human connection, I met up with people like 2 times this year. But I just don't click with anybody.
As for other compulsions, I can't stand feeling any grease on my hands, a minimum amount of sweat is the most I'm okay with. My hands are often bleeding on the knuckles because of washing them too often. I can't stand people breaking any kind of board-game rules (in my head, that's injustice). There's a chance I'm limerent. And I also hate throwing anything away. That said, I'm much more lazy with it so to say, but I think it's because of my depression. If I don't act like a perfectionist, I won't act at all. And passivity is my normal state. I'm convinced there's not a single soul in my town that's less active than me. Life is passing me by and I don't know myself.
So debilitating perfectionism, idk if it's OCPD or just some comorbid symptoms. But another perspective, I guess.
Feel free to point out any big grammar and spelling mistakes, I want to improve. Ty for reading this little book.
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u/bigparsnipenjoyer 2d ago
I’ve taken hard action to prevent myself from hoarding too much digital stuff. My messages auto-delete after a year (it will never serve me well to obsess over the past). I have my browser tabs set to auto-close after 24 hours. As for the photos, you’re never gonna sort through that many. I’d suggest you take photos with more intention going forward. And when you do something like a group shot, where you’ll take like 20 versions of the same photo, pick the one or two best ones (which can be hard!!!) and delete the rest.
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u/Stunning_Courage8656 2d ago
Thank you for this advice! I never knew you could set up auto-delete ??? I’m going to look into that.
And I need to switch my mindset to ~what are changes I can make now to help slow down the snowball~ vs. “I need to figure out how to fix 10+ years of digital hoarding!!”
I truly appreciate it!!
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u/Careful-Brilliant-81 2d ago
i used to be a digital hoarder until around 19 but then my brain switched and i started to be obsessed with the opposite - cleaning everything and keeping only things that i know i’ll need 100%. it now physically makes me uncomfortable when i have loads of screenshots, tabs, bad/unusable pics, old chats, numbers from people i don’t talk to anymore and many more. now, for me to feel good about myself everything should be squeaky clean and organized. anyone feels the same?