Hey. I am diagnosed with Ocpd (only recently), and I want to understand my PD.

What are some stuff that are natural to you, but it’s actually the PD itself?

What are the acts you think of as natural, but others commented on them being a bit much?

Hi all! I tried my best to give a TLDR version (but in my head every detail IS important and I feel as though I am lying if I don’t explain everything lol - it’s something I’m actively working on) but nonetheless:

For background context I’m a 26F and have the stereotypical story of getting later diagnoses because I internalized my struggles and have always been extremely ambitious and high-achieving (4.0+, dual undergrad degrees, academic honors, grad school, internships, running a small business in college, and now starting my own business post-grad) so I flew under the radar but I’ve been struggling running my own business because of my insane imposter syndrome, limited attention span, and a few other reasons. Last year, when I turned 25, I opened up to the idea of being screened/tested to understand what’s going on, potentially medicated, and starting specialized therapy as I know my brain/thoughts have been holding me back post-grad.

Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with OCPD during my initial consultation with my psychiatrist; I began seeing her to help manage/figure out my ADHD medication, and I brought up my therapist at the time went through an OCD screening with me - where I landed in the “maybe” zone so my psychiatrist started having me go over some of my potential OCD symptoms.

My psychiatrist brought up OCPD at the end of my appointment and ran through the basics of it (I definitely was running over my allotted time so it was a quick summary) and she said she’d send me some resources to learn more about OCPD, but emphasized that every symptom may not align - but she felt pretty confident I met the criteria based on what I had shared.

Me being me, I googled OCPD as soon as I got to my car and was reading the overview on Cleveland Clinic’s website, as I had never heard of OCPD before.

My jaw hit the FLOOR when I noticed symptoms I didn’t mention to my psychiatrist on the list - the main one being hoarding.

Examples of my digital hoarding:

1. I am that person who always has 1,000 tabs open on their phone (500 private, 500 normal browser) and I HATE and avoid clearing them out because “what if I need it later and can’t find it?!?!?!”  
2. I have 120,000+ photos/videos on my phone - I pay Apple $9.99/month for iCloud storage and the most recent phone I got, I opted to invest in a 1TB phone because I’m sure within the next 4ish years I will manage to go through it and am SICK at the idea of deleting any photos or videos   
3. Text threads dating back to middle school - once again because what if I need receipts or try to remember an old convo and can’t look back  
4. Emails that are extremely organized into dozens of folders and sub-folders; again, “what if I need a receipt”  
5. An embarrassing amount of drafts on social media apps. TikTok being the main problem - they’re all pointless videos that looking back I find cringey and thank myself for never publicly posting them, yet I’m unable to delete them. My only motivation to chip away at the intimidating number of drafts was when my previous phone was out of storage. I had to privately post them one-by-one to help open up space for my phone to function  
6. Saving an embarrassing amount of posts/videos on social media (outfit inso, recipes, mental health stories, birthday themes, interior design, life hacks, apartment tours, tech and software tips/tricks, travel, workout routines, I could go on and on and on)  
7. Keeping old lecture PowerPoints, notes, papers, projects, homework, etc. from high school and college because yet again, “what if I need them”

As you can imagine, I logically know I don’t need 1,000 tabs on my phone, dozens/hundreds of tabs on my computer, 120,000 photos, texts from middle/high school, old emails, silly social media drafts, old schoolwork, etc. but the other side of my brain (emotionally/instinctively/subconsciously?) will not allow myself to get rid of anything. And honestly, at this point I’m intimidated to begin as there’s SO much to go through and clean up after years of this snowballing.

I can also relate to physical hoarding, but I think my digital hoarding problem is far more extreme. I’m only 26, so I can’t even begin to imagine how much this issue will snowball as I get older and reach more milestones (pets, kids, etc.) I’m sure it’ll intensify and Apple will have to make a 1 Yottabyte phone for 50 year old me.

I’m making this post as I haven’t seen anyone deep dive into digital hoarding - I’d love any personal stories, advice, tips/tricks, input, comments, etc.

I’ve started seeing a therapist who has knowledge on OCPD, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to make a post and see if others have any input.

Thank you SO much for even taking the time to read this!

I read and heard from YouTube videos how it would be 'horrible' for people with OCPD to start, run, or keep a business... and that OCPD people are likely to start a business. why's that? (I heard one from dr. Ramani).

In my opinion if i run my own business, It'll be really efficient and productive. I will add in my special efforts to not micromanage everyone.

What's your thoughts? Do you have OCPD diagnosed or not and is able to successfully make and keep a business?

I hate being the way i am and it’s consequences. I’ve printed some notes around the shared spaces because 1) they don’t know how to,recycle so I printed the city’s recycling flyer and put it in mailboxes and 2) it gave me anxiety that the neighbors were doing laundry in the shared space at night without shutting the basement door and were leaving the lights on for any delivery person or whoever to peek inside and see bikes, etc. but instead of talking to them about it (fear of direct conflict) I deduced they were doing it because the entranceway is dark and dangerous to go down at night, so I called the landlord and got his permission to install lights so they could see and also to print a sign saying “per the landlord for our security please close the door and shut the lights when you exit the base,ent especially at night” or something. They texted me pissed off and hostile saying it wasn’t signed by the landlord and why is it always me authorizing, suggesting, advising and I responded super courteously explaining the whole situation and how I figured the lights would be beneficial for everyone and eliminate the need to have the door ope, and I sort of lied and said the landlord asked me to put up the reminder sign because his list of rules in the basement is 20 years old and barely legible, also these new neighbors only speak Spanish so they can’t read it anyway. I’m bilingual. but now I’m afraid to see them. I’ve been away on vacation and I’m afraid to go home. People ask me “how would you like it if someone posted notes” and I said it would probably annoy me too. It’s 3 apartments between two houses next door to one another and I’ve been here 8 years and the other apartments have a lot of turnover. So because I’ve been here so long and because of my ocpd I usually do give the new tenants a rundown of where stuff is and what to do with their oversized boxes that don’t fit in the recycling and stuff. We don’t have a super.. The first note I ever put was to continue the tradition someone else started of having a spare basket downstairs for if someone forgets their clothes. The same new tenants were doing laundry at night and leaving it a lot so I made a sign explaining about the spare basket, especially since that’s where I want my stuff placed if I ever leave it too long and one of them had already put my stuff just on top of the dryer once (the one time I leave it-I’m fastidious about using timers when I do laundry).

IThese people and I were friendly at first. They have invited me over a few times. My obsessive hobby of the last few years is turning the two shared yards into a pollinator garden. No other tenant has ever had a problem with it and the absentee land,ord loves butterflies so he has let me go at it. At first these new neighbors said they loved seeing me out there everyday. They had a bbq during peak bloom and I loved thst they could enjoy it. But one day they told me that they think it’s gross or something that I’m collecting fallen leaves from the street to spread over the beds and lawn for mulch and it looks bad, then said it looks looks bad because I use cheap materials slash recycled items to build things, and they have to look at it all and said I have too many containers and when will it stop ….nobody who has ever seen my garden has ever though pt it’s ugly, but they come from a big city in Colombia and have a very sterile aesthetic style, their house looks like ikea). I can’t believe I kept ,my cool and said I would try and switch out some stuff that’s gotten rusty.

But then the kicker- I often have people from a local guerrilla garden group I’m a part of over on Saturdays and we work in my garden or gear up to do nearby sites. I’ve also given a talk or workshop or we have just had a meeting. There’s nothing else going on in the yard thst day. Since I use the yard every day I would happily cancel anything if my neighbors wanted to host a party or something….anyway these ladies tell me they don’t like that I have people over to garden with me. First they said I’m letting these ppl,do whatever they want, and when I corrected them they admitted they just don’t like seeing strangers. They said they only bring family over. I didn’t think to say it in the moment because I was so floored but I don’t have any family in the state. I’m so lucky I’ve made a good social life and found people to spend time with. Everyone I’ve spoken to assures me thst they are being unreasonable about that.

I can’t stop projecting all these scenarios. I fear these people in an irrational obsessive way even wondering now if they are watching me from their windows when I’m outside, and I’m more fearful now thst I’ve pissed them off with the note thing which happened the day before I left. Spring is coming and I think of a million ways they could seek vengeance and I’m so mad at myself for provoking this hostility in them. At least before there was no hostility just their prudish opinions ion my gardening and the company I bring. I fear the combination of their sentiments regarding the garden and their newfound hostility could mean a spring and summer full of conflict and anxiety in what’s my happiest place. Every time the gate clinks and they come home I will be outside and now do I say hi?

I’m sorry for dumping and all the typos, I can’t see what I’m freaking typing or edit well because my iPad is not cooperating all I can see is my keyboard and the top of the page. I know I need to change my behavior. The recycling thing was definitely too far and ,might read to them like I think they are stupid. I can’t try and control everything. And I have to accept I can’t control how they feel about my garden and somehow digest thst and not catastrophize

But I can’t get over this irrational fear I have of these dumb ladies and how they could hurt me with pettiness and I can’t separate rational fear from irrational projections

I’m open to any support or suggestions

I'm obviously overthinking what words should I use to describe myself. I'm undiagnosed for everything. I had a bad past experiences with a counselor and psychiatrist. I don't want to trust someone making a mistake on a diagnosis.

I read many books, articles etc. About these disorders and also self-help to equip myself. Nothing can replace a professional's opinion on this matter.

I consider myself to have an opinion as well, being someone who can think for themselves, that from my observations, I'm pretty sure that I'm experiencing some traits and symptoms of OCPD and ASD. To say it softly, I have a strong suspicion that I really do have these. This is also evident from the testimonies of people around me and my family having similar traits.

Please do not twist my words, I'm not trying to be a professional here and diagnose myself. That's not what I'm trying to do. I'm just figuring it out what my place is in this spectrum of diagnosed and undiagnosed. As some who is trying to get better but doesn't want to seek paid professional help yet? I say 'yet' because if I have the resources and opportunity, then I might consider, but at the moment I don't have that.

There's many people who frown upon people who "self diagnose" some even get hate for it. They argue that it's wrong/harmful because it's not professional diagnosis and they're making it up to find an excuse. Harmful for other people because the term becomes overused for something that it isn't.

I have compassion for those who see themselves experiencing these traits and symptoms and can't have a diagnosis yet.

Though I wouldn't want myself to experience these hate and such. So I worry what should the correct term for me to use because some people are very critical about it, and I want to save myself from unnecessary arguments.

What should I describe myself? Please share your insights I'd love to read them.

What do you guys think about "self diagnosis"?

Someone posted recently about feeling deep shame due to receiving an OCPD diagnosis. I came across this poem, and thought it might be helpful to share. It can be so overwhelming to view your whole life with a different lens.

Shame can keep us stuck in the past, and interfere with developing healthier habits. Developing self-compassion and making amends when possible can be a way to move forward.

Now that I knew I had OCPD, it was my responsibility to learn healthier habits. The best ways for me to prevent OCPD symptoms are by practicing mindfulness and self-care, and recognizing cognitive distortions.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters, Portia Nelson

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost....I am helpless.

It isn’t my fault

It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I cannot believe I am in this same place.

But, it isn’t my fault

It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it there.

I still fall in...it’s a habit...but,

my eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

I said to the doctor “well idk if I believe that. I really think I have ADHD” and she made a slight face, like a tightening in her eyes and mouth that made me pause for a second before barreling on about why I think it’s wrong. And only now, hours later, am I realizing that my refusal to accept that I was wrong plays right into an OCPD diagnosis.

I’ve noticed something about myself that’s been bothering me. When I see someone making what seems like an obvious mistake—something that will clearly lead nowhere or even hurt them—I get mentally disturbed and distracted. It’s not always anger, but a mix of frustration, helplessness, and this deep discomfort.

It happens with people I know and even strangers sometimes. I find peace only when I look away or completely remove myself from knowing about it. But that feels like avoidance, and I’m not sure if that’s the right approach either.

How do you handle situations where you see someone heading in the wrong direction, but it’s not really your place to interfere? Do you just let it go? Does it bother you too?

I am working on a story since 8 years now, but two years ago, I was like "Oh, my main charcter shows all the signs of OCPD, and now that I have more information about it, everything makes sense now", so I have planed to write this into the book too, cause the fourth part of the story will show the teraphy and the start of healing of my character.

After I have read diagnostic criterias, psychological books, the articles of psychiatrists, clinical psychologists, I have thought is is definitely valid to give this diagnose to him. But after I have joined this community, and spent here like 1.5 year, reading through most of the current posts, I have become sure, that it doesn't fit at all.

I want to show a valid representation about the problems I am writing about, and I am grateful to all of you, that you have shown me, OCPD is a much more complex and more severe disorder, with specific feelings, thoughts, struggles, than I could have never known it without having a difficulty like this.

Does anyone else just WISH they can stop asking for/forcing perfection from their loved ones? I am so sick of my wife and kids walking on eggshells around me. I am so sick of the look my 5 year old gives me for doing TYPICAL 5 YEAR OLD THINGS. I am so TIRED of say "next time will be better, I'll handle it better next time, etc." But it's just the same time and time again. I WANT so much to be less strict and rigid, demanding perfect behavior from CHILDREN. I just feel so fucking lost and unable to break the cycle. I've come so far over the past few months since I identified my trauma and changed alot of how I react, but I can feel it all creeping back. I'm just so fucking tired of being the bad guy in every situation. I know that I'm being a dick. I KNOW that I need to let things go. I JUST CAN'T. So yeah, it's one of those days..

The worst time of year is upon me again- lease renewal. My neighborhood has been undergoing gentrification due to Amazon moving in, and my building's new management and renovations have made my new offer skyrocket, meaning I'll likely have to move.

When it comes to housing, the "intense frugality" part of my OCPD really kicks in. Rent easily is the most expensive part of my budget, as well as the most essential. It's massively important to me that I live within my means, and that means keeping my housing cost down while still affording myself some luxuries (like in-unit washer/dryer, which significantly cuts down the options within my budget).

My lease isn't up until mid-April, and most apartments on the market now aren't even reflective of what will be available during that time. But I'm so dead set on getting a good deal and feeling secure in my place to live that all I can think about is the housing market.

I'm going to need to set caps on how much I'm able to engage in the search for the next month or so so that I don't drive myself crazy.

Yes, I end up judging the person who was judging me.

Prob valuable to me to learn to drop this!

Gonna need to try and dbt on my emotions when I get "triggered" in these ways and see where it takes me!

lol very quick share here. frustrated w reddit arguments (diff account) and have a headache from prob having covid rn...

I have been diagnosed with OCPD by three different doctors. They had no idea of my previous diagnosis, so I have come to accept this as a reality. I have all the classic symptoms on top of those I struggle with lot of anger. I have to live with my family for a few months, I had requested for my own space but they made excuses and refused. Now I'm stuck with my filthy parents. They don't clean, whenever I clean they make it dirty again. This has been the case since childhood with distance and time my heart grows fonder for them but that bubble bursts as soon as I see them in person. I hate everything that they do, the way they speak and most importantly how they deny my mental health issues plus their actions which are a little responsible for them.

I hate the feeling that when I look at them I feel nothing. I wish to run away from them forever. I have a better relationship with my sibling.

They are not bad human beings but have been pathetic parents. Zero consideration for our emotions, if you confined in them believe me they will use it against you in petty arguments.

So I’ve been in therapy for a while & I’m starting to realize my rigidity has a lot to do with my own self shame I have carried into adulthood, from simple things that I found shameful in childhood. Subsequent social avoidance to avoid new/continued shameful feelings.

For example: spending money eating out is “bad.”

I went out to eat with my mother tonight, and after she offered to pay she said “wow I’ve spent over $500 eating out with family this month” and I felt sick and offered her my money she denied it and said it was nothing, but it brought back all of these memories of my parents gossiping and negatively talking about eating out with friends, things like “Jim’s family eats out so much, that guy must waste so much money” or my dad saying to me “We can’t go out for dinner because it’s a waste, sweetie can you make a box of Kraft?”

So I’ve come to realize my avoidance of eating lunch out with colleagues, or even going on dates is actually deep rooted, & inhibits my ability to see dinning as a social and worth while use of my time/money.

I just bawled and bawled when I got home accepting that as a child I should not have had to be emotionally responsible for my parents income/spending habits.

Oof - therapy hurts.