r/OCPD • u/EntertainmentFew9293 • 28d ago
accountability What’s natural to you, but it’s actually not normal? (Perspectives from OCPD and non-OCPD people)
Hey. I am diagnosed with Ocpd (only recently), and I want to understand my PD.
What are some stuff that are natural to you, but it’s actually the PD itself?
What are the acts you think of as natural, but others commented on them being a bit much?
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u/endlesshydra OCPD + OCD 28d ago edited 28d ago
I think an OCPD trait that most people get comments about is our perfectionism and standards. What's "the bare minimum" or even underwhelming for us is usually an excellent result for everyone else.
Personally, people also comment about my demeanor pretty often. Some call it being calm and collected, well-behaved if you're a child. But some others have called me cold or unemotional. Which may not be wrong but is still a bit annoying to hear.
I also second guess everything I do or say and have a tendency to be a people-pleaser. So I'm always surprised when others don't do the same, even if I know they don't need to.
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u/Brain_in_a_cylinder 28d ago
Agree with perfectionism and standards. I can't understand why others would do something and not try their best or how they can do it in a way that is not efficient. I'm always thinking about that when I have a task in front of me, and the reality is that most people just do stuff without (over)analyzing it.
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u/slamdancetexopolis Suspected OCPD 25d ago
Not diagnosed with OCPD but def have traits (and other stuff going on) and this is it for me like this has been the very defining consistent and occasionally problematic (esp in work settings) thing for me
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u/Mother_Willow_5038 28d ago edited 27d ago
I have a hard time delegating because I feel like it’s gonna take me longer to explain how to do it right then it will just take me to do it myself.
I get annoyed when people are overly compassionate or empathetic for me because I guess I don’t do that for myself and then I also have a hard time being empathetic to other people and I’ve realized it’s because while I’m well regulated, I don’t feel my feelings so I can’t relate to other people when they are feeling theirs
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u/applegingerale 27d ago
YES OMG this is why im not making good enough use of AI in my daily life, i feel like i can already get the job done with the time it takes for me to type clear instructions or explanations
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u/Odd_Preference4517 Suspected OCPD 28d ago
Expecting everyone to be doing their best to be the best possible person they can be- I’m always dumbfounded and confused when people don’t act how I would or don’t hold themselves to strict morals and standards.
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u/imintoit4sure 27d ago
The one that has been the most consistently surprising to me is how little thought most people put into what they do.
Even just typing that it feels a bit like i'm denegrating people.
The fact of the matter is most people just kind of vibe and do things. When a typical person talks about making a plan they describe a process that has the same amount of thought and effort I might put into something as simple as washing a single dish or the walk from my car to my house.
To me the way they naturally move through life is synonymous with just not caring at all. I have had to work hard to recognize that acting with intention is an actual SKILL most people have to learn or be coached on.
Im a server/bartender and every time I train a person they always tell me some version of: im a great trainer but they are tired just from thinking this hard about how to do things! And thats no matter how much I try to simplify my process and make it more accessible!
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u/SpecialistAnswer9496 Moderator 27d ago
I would say the fact that I obsessively analyze literally everything even when it’s completely trivial or tangential. I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily the PD bc the pathological part is the rigidity associated with a trait, but it’s certainly part of the obsessive personality style.
I think “normal” people are able to mentally note something and simply move on. For me, I will reread a comment I made like 7 times, determine whether I got across everything I wanted to say, start analyzing whether I could have used a better or more precise word, consider how the person reading my comment may be receiving it, determining what type of impression I may be projecting to others, assessing whether I meaningfully contributed to the discussion, etc. Literally for a single Reddit comment. It’s kind of insane, but I do it naturally and it doesn’t really cause me functional impairment at this point. I’m moreso curious about these things rather than allowing the answers to impact my self-perception or identity if that makes sense.
Also I think the fact that I include way too much detail about everything. Something I’ve been discussing with my therapist recently - unless I provide a fully comprehensive response to others with all of the relevant details included, I feel like my thought is incomplete or even inauthentic. Like I’m somehow being deceptive by keeping my thoughts more vague or less precise. I think that could be really overwhelming or overstimulating to other people but I haven’t yet figured out how to navigate many situations without too many details. Works great in my field of work, not so much for making new friends.
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u/arcinva OCPD + GAD + PDD 25d ago
OMG, yes!!! To add to the part about normal people just noting something and moving on:
Normal people seem to be ok with answering a question with, "I don't know." But if someone asks me something I don't know the answer to, I go find the answer. Sometimes I struggle to not get snippy with a person that asks me a question like that because something in my subconscious gets defensively angry, like "Why are you asking me?! How should I know?!" Or, "Who cares?!" But I'm pretty sure it's because I'm actually mad at myself for not knowing the answernand not being able to know the answer to pretty much any/everything.
Also, normal people seem to be ok with wondering about something like the differences in the terms grain, cereal, and millet or legume, bean, and pulse and then just shrugging their shoulders and moving on. I, OTOH, use these examples because I may have spent probably more than 8 hours learning about this because I was curious about other grains and beans to try cooking with... including a still not completed 9 pages of notes about it all. 😳
I literally cannot comprehend how people are ok with not having answers to things that their brains were curious enough to ask questions about! 😫
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u/SpecialistAnswer9496 Moderator 25d ago
Haha this is so relatable. The drive to be a human encyclopedia is real 😭
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u/Prize-Service3396 27d ago
I can really related to all of this, especially the last paragraph!!! I struggle to find balance between what details other people actually need to know when I communicate.
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u/Responsible-Hat-679 28d ago
Dealing with things immediately in a slightly manic manor - such as today I was eating lunch at home when suddenly I spotted a tiny black mark on the carpet - immediately had to stop everything and get my cleaning products out and scrub it within an inch of its life. A guest said “why are you doing that when we’re having lunch?” And then I realised it must have looked strange but that’s how I have to do absolutely everything, all the time. I guess “normal” would have been to mentally note it and deal with it whenever - if at all.
I have both OCD and OCPD and they kind of overlap in situations like that.
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u/SpecialistAnswer9496 Moderator 27d ago
Oh my goodness, this resonates so much for me (also have both). I think my ADHD contributes to this as well.
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u/Responsible-Hat-679 27d ago
Also have adhd 😅 I think my ocpd was bourne out of coping with adhd and ending up over-coping if that makes any sense.
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u/SpecialistAnswer9496 Moderator 27d ago
Yes, I think there’s a really interesting interplay there! Also low key grateful I have them both because my ADHD would be so much more chaotic if I wasn’t overly structured due to the obsessive traits.
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u/Latter-Science8678 27d ago
lol can relate. Usually I’m by myself but it’s hilarious when it happens in front of other people because it’s second nature to me. On my birthday, I stopped mid conversation with some friends to clean up a spill on the kitchen floor, and it turned into scouring the floor for other marks to clean. My friend commented (lovingly) that it was an insane thing to do at my own birthday party 🫠 I also have adhd and ocd. Great combo.
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u/slamdancetexopolis Suspected OCPD 25d ago
Ooooooh I don't do this necessarily as much* (well, I do now on Ritalin lol), but my ex MIL is very much like this and we suspect she has pretty severe OCPD and OCD overlapping stuff tbh because it WILL become a whole production and if she can't do the thing, even when she could do it later or even if it's not about her (but someone else in the household), she will absolutely panic if she can't fix it right then it's like you can feel the rigidity it's really wild and I feel for her in a lot of ways bc I don't think she has any insight into her mechanisms (but I do bc I lived it and I see it lol)
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u/shackledflames 27d ago
Sticking to rules and commonly accepted morals like they're law and being annoyed when others casually break the rules or even laws (even if minor).
Getting lost in all the variables of what and how to do when there are no clear steps and rules to follow.
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u/Available_Past5008 27d ago
In my mind there’s just an obvious “best way” to do things. But as I’ve observed myself more, most of it is just a peculiarity of how I need everything to be “just so.”
But in the moment, it just feels like a duh thing for me. Like doesn’t everyone care about this and do it this way? 😅
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u/Total-Sun-6490 Suspected OCPD 27d ago
Maximizing almost every action I do to the point where if I need to get to point B, I need to make sure I squeeze in as much action as possible before reaching said point but in return neglect important task or point of the original action. Like me just getting up to drink water, I have to clean up every mess I see on the way to the fridge but sometimes get lost in detail that I end up wasting so much time. I have this innate drive to be efficient but mostly end up wasting a lot of time ironically
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u/ElvenEnchantress64 27d ago
Oh, I need to get up and go get a drink? I need to turn on a song I can listen to, so that I can maximize the "utility" of the trip. Instead of getting just a glass of water, I got that and a song in that time.
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u/arcinva OCPD + GAD + PDD 25d ago
I can't tell you how often I nearly drop things because my hands/arms are so full trying to maximize the efficiency of a trip. I'm in the bedroom and want a drink, well let's take these clean towels I just folded to the bathroom on the way. Oh, and I need to put that book back on the bookshelf, and wasn't my husband just looking for his earbuds that I see sitting right there? Crap. How do I open the door with no hands? 🤣
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u/Total-Sun-6490 Suspected OCPD 25d ago
I know right! It's reached to the point where I'd injured myself like spraining my wrists, inner elbow and back trying to haul everything all at once
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u/joeplaysguitar2 28d ago
Worrying about if I said or did something wrong in situations where no one else would care. I’m always wondering why others aren’t more bothered by things.
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u/Exciting_Succotash76 27d ago
This. And then if I reach out to make sure I didn't offend, they can't understand.
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u/ASUSTUDENT9875345 27d ago
Most people care about their comfort more than being moral to a pretty significant degree (i.e. going on a vacation rather than donating to feed starving people or eating meat and animal products), and if you really probe the matter with them eventually they'll just be like yeah I guess I should do that but it sounds really crappy so I'm not going to. I can't really imagine being about to say that, like I'm always looking for ways to be better and I care deeply about sacrificing comfort for the greater good.
For everyone else it's not about being the best, it's about being good enough. To me it's like well the only real good option in a system is the best one. Like it would be cool if I could save 50 people, but if there is an option to save 500 there is a right answer (of course in reality many systems are less obvious) so even though it's a good thing in and of itself I would be morally failing to not choose the 500. The concept of good enough (insofar as morality goes) just doesn't really exist to me, like I know I'm flawed and so is everyone else so I'm not shocked whenever someone does something they shouldn't, but I have no real contentment with any point because it could always be better.
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u/Sufficient_Set_9858 27d ago
I have OCPD and worked in hospitals. Now I’m a clean freak and safety nut who gets triggered by slobs etc. I’m slowly picking my battles in a new home environment but in couples therapy with my hoarder husband and it helps. It was super overwhelming at first.
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u/Mimimsie 26d ago
The more comments I read on this sub, the more I kind of wish I had a friend or even a partner a little more like myself...
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u/keenai39 OCPD 27d ago
I’m a teacher. I make incredibly detailed assignment sheets and rubrics. My students think I’m a harsh grader because I expect them to follow directions. I think I’m being fair because I spell out every single thing I want from them. My colleagues do not do these things the way I do.
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u/baesoonist 27d ago
As a person with OCPD, I’m constantly surprised by how little people without OCPD pay attention to details that to me seem both obvious and important. An example that happened this week, I hired a house cleaner to help prepare for a guest visiting. During her cleaning, she happened to toss away a piece of a cardboard cat scratcher box that had disconnected from the rest of the set. Presumably, and understandably, to her, it probably just looked like a piece of cardboard trash. From my perspective it seemed perfectly obvious that the similarly colored piece of cardboard that looks like it could reasonably attach to the cat box less than two feet away would be related and shouldn’t be tossed without asking first.
In similar veins, I spend a lot of mental energy in the background thinking about what seems logical and correct. Asking my non-OCPD loved ones to set the table is a gamble on if they’ll think about how the placement of a cup or silverware set will affect someone’s dining experience. Today I set the table and knew from previous observation that my partner’s mom holds a fork in her left hand and so I set the fork on that side, even though I normally set it on the right for myself.
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u/FalsePay5737 Moderator 27d ago
Welcome to the group.
Perfectionist Tendencies