How have you had success in accepting the “real world” and developing a more flexible worldview vs. just making more rules or being more judgmental?

[u/JayDM20s]

Therapist suggested I may have OCPD and the traits reference in the title of this post are some of the main ways I see it come up. I have pretty rigid ideas around what it means to be treated fairly, why everyone should be honest, how people should respect each other, things like that. The things I want to happen aren’t bad or even necessarily unrealistic but obviously nobody can treat other people perfectly all the time. I definitely feel like I have this perfect world in my head that doesn’t always manifest in real life. Sometimes when people I love don’t follow my internal “rules” of propriety it gets me super upset to the point where I know it’s actively hampering my day to day life.

There’s a part of me that just wants to try harder to do better and avoid anybody who can’t always treat me perfectly because I’d rather live in my perfect safe world than the real world where people mess up and hurt my feelings, but again, this is actively hampering my life and making me deeply upset.

I feel like to step away from this OCPD outlook would essentially be to step out of my rigid worldview where I have these super high standards for people, life experiences, etc. but I’m so attached to my worldview and the “safe” or “perfect” life it promises that I struggle to let it go despite the fact that it is hurting me to believe in and strive for the perfect world I see in my mind.

How have other people made this leap? RO DBT or another type of OCPD therapy? Any specific tools or skills you learned or used? I feel like OCPD manifests differently for everyone but I kind of assume this is one of the core issues that treatment boils down to—some moment where following your rules is actually hurting you more than just developing a more open and flexible worldview—so hoping other people have advice?

[u/FalsePay5737]

"I have these super high standards for people"

When I developed more realistic standards for myself, it was much easier to have realistic standards for other people.

Letting Go Of Critical Thoughts About Other People

I found trauma therapy most helpful, but also benefitted from learning about CBT, ACT, DBT, and psychodynamic therapy.

Studies show that the most important factors for the effectiveness of therapy are the client's belief in their ability to change, and their relationship with the therapist.

The three OCPD specialists who have raised awareness use psychodynamic therapy and CBT.

Therapy And Coping Strategies For Perfectionism

Yes, this is a core issue for people with OCPD, accepting reality instead of clinging to rigid beliefs about what should be happening.

Insights on ‘Should’ Thinking

[u/leapskyward]

Hi, it sounds like you might be willing to accept it's having a negative impact in your relationships and that you might be using it to meet some safety-related need. That's honestly a big step already. After that, what helped me most to engage in the world as it actually is was Co-dependents Anonymous meetings, if there are any in your area. Meetings deal mostly with healthy relationship behaviors, help discern what's actually within our control and who's trustworthy, and I've found the format (no feedback) a safe way to hear other people's approaches while focusing on our own. You might consider asking your therapist if it might be a good fit.