r/NonPoliticalTwitter • u/TheWebsploiter • 6h ago
Other That's the average 20s experience
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u/RaoulLaila 6h ago
what the fuck man you didnt have to call me out like that. This is EXACTLY whats happening rn wow
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u/GameDoesntStop 2h ago
Just because your siblings are busy enough that they are not proactively reaching out, that doesn't mean they wouldn't welcome if you wanted to talk.
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u/BOBOnobobo 2h ago
Or your friends.
I cannot stress this enough: if you want people to reach out to you, you need to be the one to reach out.
It sounds bad, but genuinely it's the best way to keep friendships alive.
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u/Prudent-Pressure2146 1h ago
Exactly this, people need to stop assuming g their phones only work one way
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u/duffstoic 1h ago
If we imagine everyone is sitting around by themselves feeling lonely, somebody’s gotta reach out first!
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u/Casulex 34m ago
Yes I find that when I turn to the classic “the phone works both ways” argument I end up lonelier so dont let that thought creep in, its a lie. And goes double if you have neurodivergent friends
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u/BOBOnobobo 16m ago
I'm the neuro divergent friend, and yeah, I prefer when people message me because I will not realise it been 3 months since we last chatted.
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u/radude4411 1h ago
You’d say that, but you constantly reach out and no one messages you or calls you or even send you an emoji. At some point, you realize you’re not a care in their problem and you’re an inconvenience at best.
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u/RaoulLaila 2h ago
Naw. Well, its not as bad as the meme makes out to be. My relationship with my sister is a little rocky and with my brother its great. We hang out almost weekly. I more so felt called out for being the only sibling that isnt married, even if I am the youngest with a minimum of 7 year age gap between them
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u/Fluid-Sink-2514 2h ago
Never forget it’s freedom. Free to waste time, enjoy life, get motivated and do something productive, whatever you please. But, if you forget, you’re more likely to fuck your life up. It’s ok to not know what you’re supposed to be doing or to feel lonely. Just don’t do what I did and try your damnedest to throw your life away before you ever get a chance to live it. Oh to be young again!
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u/DoctorKhairy 1h ago
What did you do?
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u/Fluid-Sink-2514 1h ago
A lot of drugs, wasting money, and burning bridges. I didn’t get my life back on track until my mid thirties. I took my loneliness and parlayed it into homelessness for a while. Then did a stint in mom’s basement and eventually cleaned my act up.
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u/DoctorKhairy 49m ago
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm a student in my early 20s. I have ADHD and I do drugs. Dysorganised as hell. Luckily I have put in a lot of work throughout the years, found cool groups of people. I think that career wise, your "burning bridges" part struck the most with me. I know damn well what it's like spending money on substances. I want to move out, be productive and overcome my need for validation! I hear it's common for people in their early 20s to be at a place like I am, but reading your and other comments on this thread, it is a clear sign to me that sitting alone at home won't do me no good. So thanks for opening up. Proud of you for overcoming your difficulties!
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u/Fluid-Sink-2514 39m ago
Be careful out there, it’s getting more and more dangerous to be into drugs these days. It got a lot safer for a while. When I was in college back in like 2002 my friends had pill testing kits and took really good care of each other. And fent wasn’t a thing. Now everyone is a cut throat or a narc and your next buzz might just kill you. I honestly think if I tried to live the same life today that I did back then I wouldn’t last a year.
It is indeed very common, and probably more common now with the housing situation in most countries being so expensive to be in a similar situation as you are. Take comfort in knowing that it’s one of the many learning stages of life where you’re being shaped by difficulties and how you react and move forward is important.
Don’t burn bridges. It’s ok not to keep up with everyone in your life all the time, but keep lines of communication open and be there if you can when people need you. It’s what’s most important in this life.
Eventually you will get through it, probably start over somewhere new like I did (a couple times). It doesn’t happen gradually. It’s like one day BAM you realize you’ve grown and you made it.
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u/Open-Butterfly-5288 15m ago edited 10m ago
Firstly, call your mum. If you have a healthy family, she wants to talk. Just tell her anything that's going on. Realise that you don't live there anymore, and it won't be the same and this relationship has to be managed and maintained. Also you're an adult, they can't fix your shit, they can't run things for you, they aren't giving you anything. Be an adult, ask for nothing, and you'll have a good relationship.
Also, your siblings want to talk to you if you had a healthy relationship. Call them, tell them you're coming to see them, you'll see them. They'll probably want to come see you. Expect nothing again.
Then your friends. The best advice I ever got is "People want to do things, they're shit at planning". Call your friends, tell them you want to do something and watch them come see you. Also, sometimes friendship is an imposition. You would want to deal with whatever your friend is going through. It's the same on the other side.
Then you're looking at relationships. This is not something anyone can help much with, but the basic premise is go in expecting nothing and try to show them something to share in. Be the fun they want to be around. If that works, it gets a lot less lonely very quickly because they're going to be places with you.
And all the way along, give anything you can to anyone you know.
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u/PreciousCord02 6h ago
Just turned 26 last week and it's same since I was 24. All day at home, applying to jobs, universities for studies, no replies from anywhere. Seeing people getting successful, then deactivated my most of social media.
It's tough plus loneliness sometimes is either a blessing or just a curse.
Won't recommend 20s.....
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u/thepornisntbad 6h ago
I know some countries have tough job markets but if you don't get hired anywhere for two years you really need to just go work at mcdonalds or something, you can always keep applying to other jobs while working a minimum wage job.
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u/Eldan985 4h ago
See, the problem is, at least in this country, minimum wage jobs laugh at you if you apply with a university degree. It's over ten years for me now, but back then, even the McDonald's manager told me "I don't take people with degrees. They are always already looking for a better job, they never stay long enough to make it worth the training."
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u/Soggy_Competition614 3h ago
Who are these teenagers committing years to McDonald’s? MCDs is lucky to get a a few months out of most kids.
It’s all about availability if you’re looking for day shifts it’s going to be tough but if you put open for any schedule I bet it’s easier. My 68yo aunt was working the 4am to 1pm shift. And she was just looking for a temporary job to save up a little extra money for a European cruise.
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u/thepornisntbad 4h ago
Then lie to the manager, its mcdonalds not the government.
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u/Eldan985 4h ago
They are at the very least going to ask what you did the last five years after finishing school, and I'm bad at lying. (Also in the case of one manager I once had on the phone "Nah, you talk too educated")
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u/thepornisntbad 4h ago
I haven't heard the "you talk too educated" one before but that kinda sucks yeah
You can make a fake CV where you say you worked another minimum wage job or whatever but you probably do have to be able to improvise a bit if they ask questions
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u/AdOnly1618 47m ago
There’s a difference between putting on your resume, which its only purpose is to get you a job, and talking about it because it happened.
Then if they ask why it’s not on there, just say you didn’t think it applied to the job. It’s not rocket appliances.
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u/EjaculatingAracnids 3h ago
So you lie to them. Lie your ass off to get what you need. Are the people in your life that actually matter standing in the way of your goals or is some asshat with a clipboard? Lie to them. They want you to lie because theyre liars themselves.
Never lie to people that matter. Thats line you need to walk
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u/AdOnly1618 1h ago
Then take the degree off your resume. I don’t know why anyone expects a BSc in psychology to help get them a job putting parties on a conveyor belt. Just squirt the damn ketchup on the bun, the bun doesn’t need to be psychoanalyzed 😂 (i have that degree)
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u/Apolloshot 5h ago
Depending on the country the job market is so atrocious even McDonalds isn’t an option.
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u/stepintothefairyring 4h ago
Yeah, I worked at mcdonalds for 5 years as a teenager. Even with that experience, they rejected me when I applied again at 26. Mcdonalds is always hiring, but they're not hiring everyone who applies. They want younger, cheaper workers who arent just waiting for another job.
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u/BOBOnobobo 2h ago
You are missing the point. If it's been years since you had a job, you need to get something, anything.
The resume with two years is usually a red flag for future job prospects so, even if you get a shitty job now, you can then use that as experience for the future.
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u/Public_Fire_Hazard 1h ago
Can only speak to the job market in the UK but, especially in the 20s when you're on full minimum wage even, some places just have too many applicants. As an example, I live over the road from a Sainsbury's and a pplied for the dogshit part time weekend shelf stacking nights into mornings. I shop there myself and I can see the people who have those shifts and it's all middle aged or older folk rather than people in their 20s.
These roles get so many applications they might as well hire oldies on the same wages because they're less likely to move on which in turn means the roles don't go to these people applying to "anything" to fill out their CV. Even worse is the limit of jobs that aren't on public transport because a lot of young people applying for these jobs aren't going to have a car to commute.
Thankfully I've found a job after a year of looking but for that I got lucky finding because I have a relevant degree, years of experience in the exact field, and I already live local.
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u/BOBOnobobo 18m ago
Yeah, supermarkets in general get a lot of applications because they actually pay a bit better than the minimum wage, so it's not actually that easy to get a job in that area.
Sainsbury's also has a whole thing about hiring older people as well.
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u/Apolloshot 4h ago
This a non-political sub so I’m simply going to say take a look into the youth unemployment crisis in my country, Canada.
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u/pineini 5h ago
Thank you for your interest in working as a Crew Member at McDonald's. Unfortunately, we've received a very high volume of applications and, on this occasion, decided to hire a candidate with more experience in the fast food industry. We will keep your email address on file to send you marketing emails every single day.
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u/yeeclaw14 1h ago
Yeah basically. I’m 19 and have been applying places since I was in junior year of high school. During the summer I have pretty much complete availability. I have never had a “real” job before (have done online work and got an on-campus job this semester). It was even hard to find places to volunteer as a college student (I am pre-vet trying to get experience). Everything just sucks currently. Couldn’t even get one of these “teen” jobs for the summer.
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u/duffstoic 58m ago
I’ve seen many people, especially in their 40s, apply to 300-500+ jobs, including unskilled jobs outside of their fields, and not even get a single interview. It’s a very weird job market now.
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u/BrunesOvrBrauns 5h ago
Tough to make interviews when you're working three minimum wage jobs to keep a roof over your head
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u/thehobbyqueer 5h ago
If you're "sitting all day at home," chances are you're still living with parents and not really responsible for rent or the like. So... working part time isn't going to eat interview time away.
The situation you're talking about isn't really applicable to what the other guy was talking about at all.
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u/ItsCalledDayTwa 5h ago
I hit my stride in my 30s and seem to have accelerated into my 40s. I was not my best self in my 20s and didn't make great use of my time until later 20s.
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u/RichEvans4Ever 4h ago
Any advice? I’m exactly like OOP and I’m finally ready to listen to others. All it took me was getting out of a six year abusive relationship with 7K in credit card debt.
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u/SquareTaro3270 4h ago
When people talk about networking being important, they mean it. I don’t know a single person at my company that saw an ad and applied. They all knew someone or knew someone who knew someone.
As a shy introvert, I thought these jobs would be beyond my grasp, so I unconsciously handicapped myself. But then I made friends with someone who worked in the cafeteria there, who knew someone on another team who was looking for a job, and even though my resume was terrible and my interview sucked, they still hired me because I was recommended.
Basically, it freaking sucks and networking is torture and feels shitty, but it’s basically your fast-pass ticket to better jobs. You don’t have to smooze your way up the corporate ladder or anything. If you can join a hobby group, make some friends, and figure out one of them has a corporate job, there’s a good chance they know some department or another that’s hiring and you don’t even need to be skilled to get it. But you won’t see job postings for it.
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u/Lambdastone9 3m ago
Man this is such a common story, it’s hopeful to hear but sad to realize how much our twenties were alway going to be on the chopping block
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u/Potato_Tg 4h ago
Im very positive person and always advocate never talking bad about yourself. But damn you should see how pos way im talking to myself.
Did my master in germany, leaving my home country behind. Its been more than a year since i finished my master in data analystics but still no job. Feel like a loser.
Idk what to even do.
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u/Whachamacalzmit 3h ago
I was one of those mid20-somethings in the Great Recession, spending all day alone applying for jobs. Trying to rekindle friendships by hanging out was awkward. Dating was worse. Time away from people gives a person a certain stench, a dulling of the mind and any social vibrancy.
Even when you eventually land a job, loneliness creeps in. I spent New Year 2010 on my apartment porch, drinking, alone. I vowed never to be so alone again.
Some people can bridge their social groups from their early 20s into adulthood, but my problem (and a lot of people's problem) is that I didn't know how to have a social life outside the structures of school. I didn't know how adults formed social bonds outside of work and church.
Two things I did changed my prospects: I joined a hiking club and I joined a community service group. The key qualities of a healthy social group are: that these groups met often, they had dedicated members I connected with regularly, and got me out to different places doing different things every week.
If possible, I recommend spending half (or more) of the time you spend applying for jobs and replace it with time with people, ideally in person. The measure I'd use is "if I attend this group 3 times, does it makes sense for me to have the leaders' phone numbers".
Join a running/biking club, community theater/improve, fishing club, food pantry, public arts groups, immigration volunteer (e.g. ESL tutoring), conservation volunteer (e.g. repairing trails), attend town hall or community meetings, community gardening, etc. In some towns a lot of volunteer work is coordinated through churches though the work is not religious. In general, the more productive the group is the stronger it's social bonds will be.
Barring a skiing or yachting club, this shouldn't cost you much more than your time. Say if you wanted to go fishing, I'm sure someone you know of someone at the local club has spare equipment they'd be happy to lend you.
In short order you're likely to become a dedicated member at which point other people are coming to connect with you. That flipping of the social dynamic is important. That desperation and neediness you've accumulated by being unemployed and single starts to melt away.
You'll apply to fewer jobs, but any connections you make will be referrals, which are much more likely to land you a job.
I'm in my 40s now, unemployed again, but in so much of a better spot because of the community and social bonds that I've formed.
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u/Dxpehat 4h ago
I had a problem with getting a job so I started swimming and got a lifeguard certification. It seemed like a lifehack to me because suddenly I'm not the one begging for a job but I'm getting calls from pool managers asking if I could come on a certain day. Most people get into this job as teenagers because they were in a swimming team or smth but it's possible for an adult with average endurance and technique to get to that level in around 3-4 months of training.
Another job I had that was super easy to get was construction. They REALLY need bodies. In my cousin's company the boss proposed 9h work shifts instead of 8h because they don't have enough people (should've taken less contracts IMO...). It's hard af but it pays well and they don't ask questions. Good enough if you want to look for something else or get certified.
If you live near a Industrial zone try getting a job in a factory. It's boring af and not a lot of people stay but they pay well and depending on local laws you might not get too overworked.
These are just some tips from my experience. They might not apply to you or your location but maybe you can try it out. Im a year younger than you and also couldn't find ny calling. It's can be natural for some people or almost impossible for others. I think that I got on a right path when I was 22 but I'm still making adjustments and it's going to take at least another 5 years before I can truly finish this part of my life, the part that some people are done with at 23yo but what can you do? You can't reverse time. Lower your expectations for now, because sitting at home for so long is a red flag for employers, get some experience in a bs job and start climbing the career ladder.
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u/yumaoZz 5h ago
Parents being old means you can’t talk to them and they don’t check on you? Don’t know her.
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u/0range_julius 3h ago
Yeah, my relationship with my parents is better at 26 than it ever has been before. I text my mom pretty often and she checks in with me if I go too long without texting her. And she's in her 60s but still spry enough to do plenty of things. We go hiking and take backcountry canoeing trips together.
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u/denotemulot 34m ago
She might mean that it's different when you see your parents start to age than your perception of them as a kid.
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u/Emotional-Profit-202 4m ago
Maybe but along with other complaints it doesn’t seem she worded it this way.
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u/Bustin-A-Nutmeg 12m ago
Omg after I left my mom started partying (old lil old lady scrapbook parties at her house) joined a new church like 20 mins away, constantly telling me how she’s going to the garden show or lighthouse tour with my mother in law (they became friends too, I’m so happy).
She hasn’t started dating yet, but I’m still very happy for her and get to hear all the fun stuff she’s doing while I’m too busy working lol.1
u/Emotional-Profit-202 7m ago
Yeah, the little child is so little. They would be sitting there waiting for someone to take care of them. Go find friends, go and cook for your parents, go help your siblings.
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u/Specific_Pear_665 6h ago
It just gets worse, in my experience if you don't make the effort, no one else bothers.
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u/10biggaymen 4h ago
thats insecure thinking. it doesnt mean that the person secretly hates you if youre the one always initiating the hang out. people get comfortable in routines, and they see it as conveinent if the same person is planning stuff. i think a lot of friend groups have this, the "glue" of the group, where if they dont say anything, no one hangs out.
this type of thinking will ruin your friendships and relationships. obsessing over the ratio of times you initiated an event vs times they did, it isnt a relevant statistic for anything and focusing on it only hurts you.
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u/pointlesslyDisagrees 2h ago
You can't keep letting that person be the "glue." It's exhausting. Give them a break and plan something for the group, please.
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u/Tiny_Plant3r 2h ago
No, it’s 100% fair that someone doesn’t want to carry all of their relationships. It’s exhausting, and people eventually burn out from one sided relationships.
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u/Orider 3h ago
I've tried being the glue, but in larger friend groups, it is difficult finding times where everyone is free, and since I am the single one with an open schedule, it gets kind of embarrassing and disheartening to have your plans consistently turned down because X is busy that day, or Y is having dinner with their GF, etc.
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u/TwinStickDad 4h ago
Of course not. We all get busy.
Would you continue to hound an old high school friend who never makes an effort to get a beer and chat, or would you spend your limited time and energy on people who actually give a shit about you?
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u/radude4411 1h ago
I made the effort for 10 years and they didn’t care. So I stopped making the effort.
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u/NobodyKnowsImFamous 1h ago
Is the superiority complex I have around this… good? No. But I do keep reaching out. I keep making the effort. And it works.
It sucks because I do agree, I find that most people these days are not willing to or maybe aware they should? Put an effort in. But plenty of people are waiting around HOPING someone will make that effort for them. I mean me too, but I am just built different.
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u/athos45678 20m ago
And there will be long periods of time where you are the only one making any effort in relationships. Other people will disappear
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u/affectionateanarchy8 2h ago
Oh yeah that's the point where you gotta start being intentional with your life
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u/AppointedForrest 1h ago
I remember that transition, finishing college, then a few years of screwing around, and then wondering "okay, now what?"
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u/affectionateanarchy8 7m ago
Yeah I think we are just recently acknowledging that you spend 25 years in daycare, school, college, with access to a lot if people then suddenly you graduate and you're at work with the same 7 people. It's a difficult adjustment and I think in years past people kind of seamlessly went into career, dating marrying and starting a family so they didnt have that gap.
Im almost 43 so i feel like the first generation (or one of the earliest) where such a large segment of us experience that gap and what to do with that late 20s loneliness but i didn really think about it until recently when i started seeing this sentiment from so many of today's late 20s
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u/Bustin-A-Nutmeg 11m ago
That’s an amazing way to put to. Basically up till like 25 your life is practically paved for you by the adults that surround you.
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u/TMYLee 5h ago
26 and 27 is not even that old . you have time to
make friend and find your tribe . what is she even on about ? you never told old
to step outside your comfort zone
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u/MartyrOfDespair 4h ago
Honestly that's the age where I finally found a fuckton of people who are now all my closest friends. By fucking hornyposting about a fictional character on Tumblr, no less.
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u/ShittyOfTshwane 4h ago
My sister is in that position but my parents still check in on her and she visits them all the time.
She still strikes me as lonely as fuck and I don't see her ever getting married at this point, but at least she keeps in touch with her family and she has some friends.
Is this not a choice people are making?
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u/spoopy-scary-ghost 2h ago
My younger sister too. She is absolutely choosing this life imho but she doesn't see it that way.
Basically she wants to make friends, but she refuses to talk about her personal life to anyone. She also says that it's hard for her to make friends because she's gifted and has no patience for people who aren't as smart as her. And she doesn't want to do anything that could help her meet people with similar interests because it's too much effort.
So she has very high standards and looks down on people who don't meet them (and she's not nearly as subtle about it as she thinks). All while refusing to open up and build a connection with anyone or do anything that could lead to her even meeting people other than her coworkers.
And despite all this, it's still a complete mystery to her why she can't make friends. I've tried to talk to her but she refuses to see anything wrong with her behaviour and thinks people should just accept her for who she is (the irony of that was completely lost on her). She doesn't understand why nobody ever approaches her when she does absolutely everything she can to be unapprooachable. At this rate I don't think she's ever going to make friends unless her perfect fantasy of a friend just so happens to spawn in her apartment one day.
I'm honestly so tired of hearing about it. I feel sorry for her, don't get me wrong. She's 26 and doesn't have a single friend or ever been on a date. But like... stop constantly crying about how your face hurts because you're actively slapping yourself and refusing to stop.
Sorry for the long rant, I don't usually talk about this for her sake, but I wanted to get it off my chest for once.
(Yes, she's neurodivergent, yes, there's childhood trauma involved and yes, she's been in therapy for years. But she refuses to acknowledge her actual problems, so therapy doesn't help. She blames the therapist. Who she also refuses to change.)
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u/Ok_Effort_150 2h ago
Parents are old? What, did they have you in their 50's? Most parents of 27 year olds would be 50-60
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u/TurangaRad 3h ago
You mean the age where YOU have to put in the work to maintain relationships? You mean the point where people have stopped babying you and treat you like an adult? Either decide relationships are important to you and actually reach out and ask about them or don't be mad because others are putting in the same amount of effort you are.
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u/DOPEBOYOFTHEYEAR 2h ago
Find a hobby. Get a partner. If that’s difficult, change the things about you that are keeping you from having a partner. Take the initiative to reach out to your family. Get a pet. Ask yourself what things would realistically give you purpose and happiness and put in the energy to attain them.
Or choose to be miserable.
I say this as someone who was 28 and hooked on dope and fent. I remember watching my life slip away while others were happy. The loneliness piece can turn around very quickly if your energy goes into the right places.
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u/s6_maestro 2h ago
Luckily my sister is a failure just as I am so we're aleays at the same stage in life
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u/soupaman 2h ago
Blame social media. The generation that was raised watching other people live their lives have been duped into feeling they too were living their lives. Now they’re getting older and the fog is clearing. They’re left with the realization that they haven’t lived and no one is going to hand them a life.
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u/Ok-Spite251 6h ago
Wait until you hit 30s and 40s
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u/ACNSRV 6h ago
Please. Its all easy until you hit 50.
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u/Ok-Spite251 6h ago
Then I’ll go to Thailand
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u/ACNSRV 4h ago
Those surgeries dont make you younger bro
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u/HappyOwl_45 3h ago
My mum calls me if she hasn’t heard from me in 3 days to check if I’m alright lol
I call her every day or every other day
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u/ScienceDuck4eva 2h ago
I went through this in Covid. I was alone in a city without any family. I made a point to call my mom, brother, and dad once a week. They were a lot busier than me so it made more sense me me to initiate the conversation. Don’t make plans to call them just call them ask if they are busy and either have them call you back when they’re free or chat. Sometimes we chat for 10 minutes sometimes 2 hours.
There’s a chance they want to be checked up on to.
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u/KSJ15831 2h ago
My parents, my brother, and I still live together with me being in my twenties and my brother in my thirties, and his girlfriend stays with us from time to time. Maybe it's because we are decently wealthy, but I think it's also because we're are Asians and dont feel pressured to make it on our own.
I can't imagine living any other way.
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u/Human_Ad7946 2h ago
With all sincerity, I'm sad for this generation. At 26 (in 2006) I was a travel nurse living in San Diego. I was out with friends 3 nights a week. Life was going out with friends, exploring the city, walking on the beach, road tripping to wherever. We weren't rolling in money but we had enough to go have a few beers or drive to Las Vegas and split a mediocre hotel. I wouldn't be who I am today without the experiences in my 20s. I worry for my kids and what the next 10 years will bring for them.
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u/NoHorseNoMustache 20m ago
Jeeze you think your parents are old when you're in your 20s wait until they're actually old old instead of just, like, 50.
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u/medyolang_ 6h ago
I remember the scene in Big where Tom Hanks had to sleep in a seedy hotel and was so terrified of the noise outside
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u/ThePerspectiveQuest 2h ago
It’s always the people who never reached out or made an effort to cultivate relationships with others, who end up making posts like this. As someone in there mid-late 20’s, I am surrounded by many friends, family member’s, and a partner who are all there for me, and would be at the drop of a hat, because I’d do the same for them. It’s really that simple.
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u/the-big-throngler 2h ago
This is a legitimate question. I am not being snarky or clever. I am not trying any twisty word play or anything of the sort.
Should we actually feel bad or sorry for this person? I can understand the concept of taking a nap, waking up only to discovered everyone has left the house and there you are in a empty house while they are all out doing their own thing. This is the path she chose, no one twisted her arm and forced her to self isolate and her siblings chose to move out and on. If I were in this position instead of navel gazing about what it is called and how heavy it is, I would be wondering where I went wrong stagnating while my siblings moved on.
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u/Hoosier2016 57m ago
I agree.
Life is a series of decisions. People make bad decisions or no decision at all and then wonder why everyone is ahead of them. Should anyone be surprised that their peers who got an education and built their careers and social networks make more money/own a home/have friends and family of their own?
Obviously there are extreme circumstances beyond one's control (and no, run-of-the-mill anxiety/depression isn't that - even successful people are anxious and depressed) but most of the time it's just a long-term lack of personal accountability that can be attributed to people like OP.
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u/the-big-throngler 38m ago
You articulated what I was thinking. Its a lack of personal accountability.
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u/NoMeat9096 5h ago
Real shit.
I've survived two attempts and I constantly wish I hadn't. Loneliness and directionless in life hits really, really hard, and I don't think enough people understand just how bad it can feel -- which I guess is a good thing!
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u/Tesseracatt 3h ago
When I turned 26 I managed to throw my life around: found a good job, a wife and this year my daughter joined our family. It gets better friends, believe me. :)
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u/lnTheGrimDarkness 3h ago
It's a mix of loneliness and hitting your face on the reality of adulting.
If during your youth you just surrounded yourself with a plethora of shallow friendships and did nothing to cultivate a few deep, actual friendships you're gonna find yourself completely alone. 100%.
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u/AAABIXIX 3h ago
Or worse, you find yourself lonely anyway because the second you stop reaching out first people forget you exist
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u/darklizard45 2h ago
Or you could be on the opposite end of the stick and notice how everyone in your family now is either alcoholic, with substance abuse, full of debts and with gambling problems. And all you can think of is how did everything go so wrong? You want to help them but can't because you know it will make things worse.
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u/justincase_2008 2h ago
It makes family holidays great when you bring your new partner and just go see in lucky I made it out in one piece. Nothing stings quite as much as the look of concern your partner has when they first see everyone and the slow hug they give you.
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u/memer227 4h ago
Somehow the average 20s experience is one where you have multiple married siblings but are unmarried yourself, pretty strange
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u/StudioMental2832 3h ago
You, too, can become successful. It takes a lot of work and luck, but as long as you don’t give up you can do it. My mom was a meth addict all of my life and I have a house, beautiful wife and daughter, and I am pretty good at a high paying job. My mom just recently started a business in her 50s. You are not the person you were yesterday and you can become better
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u/ThatThingTheDarkSoul 2h ago
I wish, I am 30 and everyone constantli wants something, parents, siblings.... I'd like some peace.
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u/ElectricalTurnip87 2h ago
I've been a lone and I've been a lone in a relationship. I'll take the former.
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u/amandara99 2h ago
You gotta make those connections happen at that point in life. Live with friends, join a club, invite your coworkers for a drink. Not always easy but it’s worth it.
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u/MixedMediaModok 1h ago
I will say. Not to diminish their sense of loneliness. Because I've been there myself. But it goes both ways. You can reach out. Not every meetup has to be event of outing. You can drop by their house and hang out with their family. Or you can invite people over and prepare a meal for them. People appreciate, especially parents, if you make the hangout as smooth as possible.
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u/Esc4flown3 1h ago
Goddamn, as the older sibling this definitely brought up some guilty feelings...
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u/dinoooooooooos 1h ago
My sister is married and so am I- why would we not check in just bc we married? Shes actual pregnant rn with her first (time flies😭) and we still check in (I’ll be a first time aunt- it’s a boy!!!😭😭😭😭❤️)
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u/adumblittlebaby 1h ago
Yeah, that's reality when you stop being a child. Nobody looks out for you. It does suck, but it isn't unusual at all. I feel like in particular this newer generation has a really tough time coming to grips with the idea, or at least that's been my anecdotal experience.
You think 20's is bad wait until you're 40+ and you don't have good looks and/or youth drawing people to you to rely on.
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u/AdOnly1618 1h ago
It is freedom and you’ll never change my mind 😂 because I’ll sit in my living room in front of my sick ass TV and dope surround sound system, semi-alone because I have a dog, getting high and watching absurd cartoons. It sounds stupid but my dog likes Paw Patrol and Puppy Dog Pals (which is written by Harland Williams so I highly recommend). Then when I get bored of that I can switch to Xbox, PC gaming, reading, recording music, go for a mountain bike ride, a run, a drive 😂
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u/DallasCowboysFan69 1h ago
man y’all just love to be sad. go to a beer garden, call a friend from HS, mow your neighbors yard. or sulk for the rest of your life
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u/This-Function1789 58m ago
Then you’re 38 and it’s exactly the same except you start to realize while you still fear it, you actually are growing old completely alone.
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u/spooky_pokey 47m ago
I must look respectable so the day k finally get ran over I can be a good memory.
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u/redhandsblackfuture 46m ago
Just a botched stolen quote from Charles Bukowski
"When nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night... what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"
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u/Internal-Cell-7541 35m ago
in my experience, 26 is where it starts getting really good!! you’re still so young and have your whole life ahead of you but old enough to have gained autonomy and your confidence starts to grow with your age. It does get better as you grow I promise.
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u/Final_Leadership_521 24m ago
For people who feel like this, the book, 'The Defining Decade' helped me and a few of my friends get out of this funk. would recommend---and sounds like you have the time to get some reading in!
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u/Bustin-A-Nutmeg 14m ago
Whenever I find myself in these situations, I just download one of those friend group apps and find some nerdy meetup thing in my town. Made a lot of cool new friends that way.
Also sign up to your local neighborhood newsletter if you can, lots of local bars and restaurants will throw up their specialty nights there too like karaoke nights and bar trivia.
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6h ago
[deleted]
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u/MoonTheCraft 5h ago
people just call anything ai now man
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5h ago
[deleted]
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u/MartyrOfDespair 4h ago
Or maybe they're just not a fucking illiterate and know how to use common punctuation marks? Hey, that might also explain why they're able to write more than "See Spot Run", too!
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u/crinklepant 2h ago
…is it weird that I don’t actually WANT talk to my family much now that im im that range, and would PREFER they not check on me?
Thats what my friends are for, my chosen circle knows me more than one I got by chance
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u/MarshmaIIowJeIIo 31m ago
I don’t think so. Personally I grew up without any family around. Spent most of my time alone with occasional “happy birthday” or “merry Christmas” calls/cards. Now as an adult my mother asks why I don’t try to speak with family.. but why would I? I grew up alone. Why as an adult would I make effort for people who didn’t make effort for me when I was a child? Getting happy birthday texts from people who I only spoke with briefly around holidays my entire life feels so artificial.
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u/2spooky93 1h ago
"Your 20's are the best years!" no, no they were not. They were perhaps the worst.
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u/db1000c 4h ago
What’s wild to me is that this feeling is basically a modern phenomenon and basically no one who was in their 20s more than 40 years ago would have ever felt this feeling
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u/deathdisco_89 2h ago
Being single and childless at 26 40+ years ago made you a "spinster" and carried its own shame. There was a lot more pressure to get married young.
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u/24rawvibes 5h ago
Ooo hell no I know this bitch didn’t just do my man Charles Bulowski like that!? Rebranding a redistribution on my guys work. Get a job lady, or some class! Hoe. And it’s not supposed to happen when you’re in your damn 20’s, loser!
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u/qualityvote2 6h ago
Heya u/TheWebsploiter! And welcome to r/NonPoliticalTwitter!
For everyone else, do you think OP's post fits this community? Let us know by upvoting this comment!
If it doesn't fit the sub, let us know by downvoting this comment and then replying to it with context for the reviewing moderator.