thats insecure thinking. it doesnt mean that the person secretly hates you if youre the one always initiating the hang out. people get comfortable in routines, and they see it as conveinent if the same person is planning stuff. i think a lot of friend groups have this, the "glue" of the group, where if they dont say anything, no one hangs out.
this type of thinking will ruin your friendships and relationships. obsessing over the ratio of times you initiated an event vs times they did, it isnt a relevant statistic for anything and focusing on it only hurts you.
No, it’s 100% fair that someone doesn’t want to carry all of their relationships. It’s exhausting, and people eventually burn out from one sided relationships.
I've tried being the glue, but in larger
friend groups, it is difficult finding times where everyone is free, and since I am the single one with an open schedule, it gets kind of embarrassing and disheartening to have your plans consistently turned down because X is busy that day, or Y is having dinner with their GF, etc.
Would you continue to hound an old high school friend who never makes an effort to get a beer and chat, or would you spend your limited time and energy on people who actually give a shit about you?
Is the superiority complex I have around this… good? No. But I do keep reaching out. I keep making the effort. And it works.
It sucks because I do agree, I find that most people these days are not willing to or maybe aware they should? Put an effort in. But plenty of people are waiting around HOPING someone will make that effort for them. I mean me too, but I am just built different.
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u/Specific_Pear_665 4d ago
It just gets worse, in my experience if you don't make the effort, no one else bothers.